Chapter LVIII: Act IV: Scene I.1957

[_Enter_] FACE _and_ MAMMON.

_Face._ O, sir, you ’re come i’ the only finest time.——

_Mam._ Where ’s master?

_Face._ Now preparing for projection, sir.
Your stuff will be all chang’d shortly.

_Mam._ Into gold?

_Face._ To gold and silver, sir.

_Mam._ Silver I care not for.

_Face._ Yes, sir, a little to give beggars.

_Mam._ Where ’s the lady? 5

_Face._ At hand here. I ha’ told her such brave things o’ you,
Touching your bounty and your noble spirit——

_Mam._ Hast thou?

_Face._ As she is almost in her fit to see you.
But, good sir, no divinity i’ your conference,
For fear of putting her in rage.——

_Mam._ I warrant thee. 10

_Face._ Six men [sir] will not hold her down.
And then,
If the old man should hear or see you——

_Mam._ Fear not.

_Face._ The very house, sir, would run mad. You know it,
How scrupulous he is, and violent,
’Gainst the least act of sin. Physic or mathematics, 15
Poetry, state,[1958] or bawdry, as I told you,
She will endure, and never startle; but
No word of controversy.

_Mam._ I am school’d, good =Ulen=.

_Face._ And you must praise her house, remember that,
And her nobility.

_Mam._ Let me alone: 20
No herald, no, nor antiquary, Lungs,
Shall do it better. Go.

_Face._ [_Aside._] Why, this is yet
A kind of modern happiness,[1959] to have
Dol Common for a great lady. [_Exit._]

_Mam._ Now, Epicure,
Heighten thyself, talk to her all in gold; 25
Rain her as many showers as Jove did drops
Unto his Danaë; show the god a miser,
Compar’d with Mammon. What! the stone will do ’t.
She shall feel gold, taste gold, hear gold, sleep gold;
Nay, we will _concumbere_ gold: I will be puissant,
And mighty in my talk to her.—
[_Re-enter_ FACE _with_ DOL. _richly dressed_.]
Here she comes, 31

_Face._ To him, Dol, suckle him. This is the noble knight
I told your ladyship——

_Mam._ Madam, with your pardon,
I kiss your vesture.

_Dol._ Sir, I were uncivil
If I would suffer that; my lip to you, sir. 35

_Mam._ I hope my lord your brother be in health, lady.

_Dol._ My lord my brother is, though I no lady, sir.

_Face._ [_Aside._] Well said, my Guinea bird.

_Mam._ Right noble madam——

_Face._ [_Aside._] O, we shall have most fierce idolatry.

_Mam._ ’T is your prerogative.

_Dol._ Rather your courtesy. 40

_Mam._ Were there nought else t’ enlarge your virtues to me,
These answers speak your breeding and your blood.

_Dol._ Blood we boast none, sir; a poor baron’s daughter.

_Mam._ Poor! and gat you? Profane not. Had your father
Slept all the happy remnant of his life 45
After that act, lien but there still, and panted,
He ’d done enough to make himself, his issue.
And his posterity noble.

_Dol._ Sir, although
We may be said to want the gilt and trappings,
The dress of honour, yet we strive to keep 50
The seeds and the materials.

_Mam._ I do see
The old ingredient, virtue, was not lost,
Nor the drug money us’d to make your compound.
There is a strange nobility i’ your eye,
This lip, that chin! Methinks you do resemble
One o’ the Austriac princes.

_Face._ [_Aside._] Very like! 56
Her father was an Irish costermonger.

_Mam._ The house of Valois just had such a nose,
And such a forehead yet the Medici
Of Florence boast.

_Dol._ Troth, and I have been lik’ned 60
To all these princes.

_Face._ [_Aside._] I’ll be sworn, I heard it.

_Mam._ I know not how! it is not any one,
But e’en the very choice of all their features.

_Face._ [_Aside._] I ’ll in, and laugh. [_Exit._]

_Mam._ A certain touch, or air,
That sparkles a divinity beyond 65
An earthly beauty!

_Dol._ O, you play the courtier.

_Mam._ Good lady, gi’ me leave——

_Dol._ In faith, I may not,
To mock me, sir.

_Mam._ To burn i’ this sweet flame;
The phoenix never knew a nobler death.

_Dol._ Nay, now you court the courtier, and destroy 70
What you would build. This art, sir, i’ your words,
Calls your whole faith in question.

_Mam._ By my soul——

_Dol._ Nay, oaths are made o’ the same air, sir.

_Mam._ Nature
Never bestow’d upon mortality
A more unblam’d, a more harmonious feature;
She play’d the step-dame in all faces else: 76
Sweet madam, le’ me be particular——

_Dol._ Particular, sir! I pray you, know your distance.

_Mam._ In no ill sense, sweet lady: but to ask
How your fair graces pass the hours? I see 80
You’re lodg’d here, i’ the house of a rare man,
An excellent artist, but what ’s that to you?

_Dol._ Yes, sir; I study here the mathematics.
And distillation.

_Mam._ O, I cry your pardon.
He ’s a divine instructor! can extract 85
The souls of all things by his art; call all
The virtues, and the miracles of the sun,
Into a temperate furnace; teach dull nature
What her own forces are. A man, the emp’ror
Has courted above Kelly;[1960] sent his medals 90
And chains, t’ invite him.

_Dol._ Ay, and for his physic, sir——

_Mam._ Above the art of Aesculapius,
That drew the envy of the thunderer!
I know all this, and more.

_Dol._ Troth, I am taken, sir,
Whole with these studies that contemplate nature. 95

_Mam._ It is a noble humour; but this form
Was not intended to so dark a use.
Had you been crooked, foul, of some coarse mould,
A cloister had done well; but such a feature,
That might stand up the glory of a kingdom,
To live recluse is a mere solecism, 101
Though in a nunnery. It must not be.
I muse, my lord your brother will permit it:
You should spend half my land first, were I he.
Does not this diamond better on my finger 105
Than i’ the quarry?

_Dol._ Yes.

_Mam._ Why, you are like it.
You were created, lady, for the light.
Here, you shall wear it; take it, the first pledge
Of what I speak, to bind you to believe me.

_Dol._ In chains of adamant?

_Mam._ Yes, the strongest bands. 110
And take a secret too.—Here, by your side.
Doth stand this hour the happiest man in Europe.

_Dol._ You are contented, sir?

_Mam._ Nay, in true being,
The envy of princes and the fear of states.

_Dol._ Say you so, Sir Epicure?

_Mam._ Yes, and thou shalt prove it, 115
Daughter of honour. I have cast mine eye
Upon thy form, and I will rear this beauty
Above all styles.

_Dol._ You mean no treason, sir?

_Mam._ No, I will take away that jealousy.
I am the lord of the philosopher’s stone, 120
And thou the lady.

_Dol._ How, sir! ha’ you that?

_Mam._ I am the master of the mastery.[1961]
This day the good old wretch here o’ the house
Has made it for us: now he ’s at projection.
Think therefore thy first wish now, let me hear it; 125
And it shall rain into thy lap, no shower,
But floods of gold, whole cataracts, a deluge,
To get a nation on thee.

_Dol._ You are pleas’d, sir,
To work on the ambition of our sex.

_Mam._ I am pleas’d the glory of her sex should know, 130
This nook here of the Friars is no climate
For her to live obscurely in, to learn
Physic and surgery, for the constable’s wife
Of some odd hundred in Essex; but come forth,
And taste the air of palaces; eat, drink 135
The toils of empirics, and their boasted practice;
Tincture of pearl, and coral, gold, and amber;
Be seen at feasts and triumphs; have it ask’d,
What miracle she is; set all the eyes
Of court a-fire, like a burning glass, 140
And work ’em into cinders, when the jewels
Of twenty states adorn thee, and the light
Strikes out the stars that, when thy name is mention’d,
Queens may look pale; and, we but showing our love,
Nero’s Poppaea may be lost in story! 145
Thus will we have it.

_Dol._ I could well consent, sir.
But in a monarchy, how will this be?
The prince will soon take notice, and both seize
You and your stone, it being a wealth unfit
For any private subject.

_Mam._ If he knew it. 150

_Dol._ Yourself do boast it, sir.

_Mam._ To thee, my life.

_Dol._ O, but beware, sir! You may come to end
The remnant of your days in a loath’d prison,
By speaking of it.

_Mam._ ’T is no idle fear. 154
We ’ll therefore go with all, my girl, and live
In a free state, where we will eat our mullets,
Sous’d in high-country wines, sup pheasants’ eggs,
And have our cockles boil’d in silver shells;
Our shrimps to swim again, as when they liv’d,
In a rare butter made of dolphins’ milk, 160
Whose cream does look like opals; and with these
Delicate meats set ourselves high for pleasure,
And take us down again, and then renew
Our youth and strength with drinking the elixir,
And so enjoy a perpetuity 165
Of life and lust! And thou shalt ha’ thy wardrobe
Richer than Nature’s, still to change thyself,
And vary oft’ner, for thy pride, than she,
Or Art, her wise and almost-equal servant.

[_Re-enter_ FACE.]

_Face._ Sir, you are too loud. I hear you every word 170
Into the laboratory. Some fitter place;
The garden, or great chamber above. How like you her?

_Mam._ Excellent! Lungs. There’s for thee.
[_Gives him money._]

_Face._ But do you hear?
Good sir, beware, no mention of the rabbins.

_Mam._ We think not on ’em.
[_Exeunt_ MAM. _and_ DOL.]

_Face._ O, it is well, sir.—Subtle! 175

SCENE II.[1962]

FACE. [_Enter_] SUBTLE.

Dost thou not laugh?

_Sub._ Yes; are they gone?

_Face._ All ’s clear.

_Sub._ The widow is come.

_Face._ And your quarreling disciple?

_Sub._ Ay.

_Face._ I must to my captainship again then.

_Sub._ Stay, bring ’em in first.

_Face._ So I meant. What is she?
A bonnibel?

_Mam._ I know not.

_Face._ We’ll draw lots: 5
You ’ll stand to that?

_Sub._ What else?

_Face._ O, for a suit,
To fall now like a curtain, flap!

_Sub._ To th’ door, man.

_Face._ You ’ll ha’ the first kiss, ’cause I am not ready. [_Exit._]

_Sub._ Yes, and perhaps hit you through both the nostrils.[1963] 9

_Face._ [_within._] Who would you speak with?

_Kas._ [_within._] Where ’s the captain?

_Face._ [_within._] Gone, sir,
About some business.

_Kas._ [_within._] Gone!

_Face._ [_within._] He ’ll return straight.
But, master doctor, his lieutenant, is here.

[_Enter_ KASTRIL, _followed by_ Dame PLIANT.]

_Sub._ Come near, my worshipful boy, _my terræ fili_,
That is, my boy of land; make thy approaches:
Welcome; I know thy lusts and thy desires, 15
And I will serve and satisfy ’em. Begin,
Charge me from thence, or thence, or in this line;
Here is my centre: ground thy quarrel.

_Kas._ You lie.

_Sub._ How, child of wrath and anger! the loud lie?
For what, my sudden boy?

_Kas._ Nay, that look you to, 20
I am aforehand.

_Sub._ O, this is no true grammar,
And as ill logic! You must render causes, child,
Your first and second intentions, know your canons
And your divisions, moods, degrees, and differences,
Your predicaments, substance, and accident, 25
Series extern and intern, with their causes,
Efficient, material, formal, final,
And ha’ your elements perfect?

_Kas._ What is this?
The angry[1964] tongue he talks in?

_Sub._ That false precept,
Of being aforehand, has deceiv’d a number, 30
And made ’em enter quarrels oftentimes
Before they were aware; and afterward,
Against their wills.

_Kas._ How must I do then, sir?

_Sub._ I cry this lady mercy; she should first
Have been saluted. (Kisses her.) I do call you lady, 35
Because you are to be one ere ’t be long,
My soft and buxom widow.

_Kas._ Is she, i’ faith?

_Sub._ Yes, or my art is an egregious liar.

_Kas._ How know you?

_Sub._ By inspection on her forehead, 39
And subtlety of her lip, which must be tasted
Often to make a judgment. (_Kisses her again._) ’Slight, she melts
Like a myrobolane.[1965] Here is yet a line,
In _rivo frontis_,[1966] tells me he is no knight.

_Dame P._ What is he then, sir?

_Sub._ Let me see your hand.
O, your _linea fortunae_ makes it plain; 45
And _stella_ here in _monte Veneris_.
But, most of all, _junctura annularis_.[1967]
He is a soldier, or a man of art, lady,
But shall have some great honour shortly.

_Dame P._ Brother,
He ’s a rare man, believe me!

[_Re-enter_ FACE, _in his uniform_.]

_Kas._ Hold your peace. 50
Here comes t’ other rare man.—’Save you, captain.

_Face._ Good Master Kastril! Is this your sister?

_Kas._ Ay, sir.
Please you to kuss her, and be proud to know her.

_Face._ I shall be proud to know you, lady.
[_Kisses her._]

_Dame P._ Brother,
He calls me lady, too.

_Kas._ Ay, peace: I heard it. 65
[_Takes her aside._]

_Face._ The count is come.

_Sub._ Where is he?

_Face._ At the door.

_Sub._ Why, you must entertain him.

_Face._ What will you do
With these the while?

_Sub._ Why, have ’em up, and show ’em
Some fustian book, or the dark glass.

_Face._ ’Fore God,
She is a delicate dabchick! I must have her. [_Exit._]

_Sub._ [_Aside._] Must you! Ay, if your fortune will, you must.— 61
Come, sir, the captain will come to us presently:
I ’ll ha’ you to my chamber of demonstrations,
Where I ’ll show you both the grammar and logic,
And rhetoric of quarreling; my whole method
Drawn out in tables; and my instrument, 66
That hath the several scales upon ’t shall make you
Able to quarrel at a straw’s-breadth by moonlight.
And, lady, I ’ll have you look in a glass, 69
Some half an hour, but to clear your eyesight,
Against you see[1968] your fortune; which is greater
Than I may judge upon the sudden, trust me. [_Exeunt._]

SCENE III.[1969]

[_Enter_] FACE.

_Face._ Where are you, doctor?

_Sub._ [_within._] I ’ll come to you presently.

_Face._ I will ha’ this same widow, now I ha’ seen her,
On any composition.

[_Enter_ SUBTLE]

_Sub._ What do you say?

_Face._ Ha’ you dispos’d of them?

_Sub._ I ha’ sent ’em up.

_Face._ Subtle, in troth, I needs must have this widow. 5

_Sub._ Is that the matter?

_Face._ Nay, but hear me.

_Sub._ Go to.
If you rebel once, Dol shall know it all:
Therefore be quiet, and obey your chance.

_Face._ Nay, thou art so violent now. Do but conceive,
Thou art old, and canst not serve——

_Sub._ Who cannot? I? 10
’Slight, I will serve her with thee, for a——

_Face._ Nay,
But understand: I’ll gi’ you composition.[1970]

_Sub._ I will not treat with thee. What! sell my fortune?
’T is better than my birthright. Do not murmur:
Win her, and carry her. If you grumble, Dol 15
Knows it directly.

_Face._ Well, sir, I am silent.
Will you go help to fetch in Don in state? [_Exit._]

_Sub._ I follow you, sir. We must keep Face in awe,
Or he will overlook us like a tyrant.
[_Re-enter_ FACE, _introducing_] SURLY _like a Spaniard._
Brain of a tailor! who comes here? Don John!

_Sur. Senores, beso las manos a vuestras mercedes_.[1971] 21

_Sub._ Would you had stoop’d a little, and kist our _anos_.

_Face._ Peace, Subtle!

_Sub._ Stab me; I shall never hold, man.
He looks in that deep ruff like a head in a platter,
Serv’d in by a short cloak upon two trestles. 25

_Face._ Or what do you say to a collar of brawn,[1972] cut down
Beneath the souse,[1973] and wriggled with a knife?

_Sub._ ’Slud, he does look too fat to be a Spaniard.

_Face._ Perhaps some Fleming or some Hollander got him
In d’Alva’s time; Count Egmont’s bastard.

_Sub._ Don, 30
Your scurvy, yellow, Madrid face is welcome.

_Sur. Gratia._

_Sub._ He speaks out of a fortification.
Pray God he ha’ no squibs in those deep sets.[1974]

_Sur. Por dios, senores,[1975] muy linda casa!_

_Sub._ What says he?

_Face._ Praises the house, I think; 35
I know no more but ’s action.

_Sub._ Yes, the _casa_,
My precious Diego, will prove fair enough
To cozen you in. Do you mark? You shall
Be cozened, Diego.[1976]

_Face._ Cozened, do you see,
My worthy Donzel,[1977] cozened.

_Sur._ _Entiendo._[1978] 40

_Sub._ Do you intend it? So do we, dear Don.
Have you brought pistolets[1979] or portagues,
My solemn Don? [_To_ FACE.] Dost thou feel any?

_Face._ (_Feels his pockets._) Full.

_Sub._ You shall be emptied, Don, pumped and drawn
Dry, as they say.

_Face._ Milked, in troth, sweet Don. 45

_Sub._ See all the monsters; the great lion of all, Don.

_Sur. Con licencia, se puede ver a esta senora?_[1980]

_Sub._ What talks he now?

_Face._ Of the senora.

_Sub._ O, Don,
This is the lioness, which you shall see
Also, my _Don_.

_Face._ ’Slid, Subtle, how shall we do? 50

_Sub._ For what?

_Face._ Why, Dol’s employ’d, you know.

_Sub._ That ’s true.
’Fore heav’n I know not: he must stay, that ’s all.

_Face._ Stay! that he must not by no means.

_Sub._ No! why?

_Face._ Unless you ’ll mar all. ’Slight, he ’ll suspect it;
And then he will not pay, not half so well. 55
This is a travell’d punk-master, and does know
All the delays; a notable hot rascal,
And looks already rampant.

_Sub._ ’Sdeath, and Mammon
Must not be troubled.

_Face._ Mammon! in no case.

_Sub._ What shall we do then?

_Face._ Think: you must be sudden.[1981] 60

_Sur. Entiendo que la senora es tan hermosa, que codicio tan a verla
como la bien aventuranza de mi vida._[1982]

_Face. Mi vida!_ ’Slid, Subtle, he puts me in mind o’ the widow.
What dost thou say to draw her to ’t, ha! 65
And tell her ’t is her fortune? All our venture
Now lies upon ’t. It is but one man more,
Which on’s chance to have her: and beside,
There is no maidenhead to be fear’d or lost.
What dost thou think on ’t, Subtle?

_Sub._ Who, I? why—— 70

_Face._ The credit of our house too is engag’d.[1983]

_Sub._ You made me an offer for my share ere-while.
What wilt thou gi’ me, i’ faith?

_Face._ O, by that light
I’ll not buy now. You know your doom[1984] to me.
E’en take your lot, obey your chance, sir; win her, 75
And wear her—out for me.

_Sub._ ’Slight, I’ll not work her then.

_Face._ It is the common cause; therefore bethink you.
Dol else must know it, as you said.

_Sub._ I care not.

_Sur. Senores, porque se tarda tanto?_[1985]

_Sub._ Faith, I am not fit. I am old.

_Face._ That’s now no reason, sir.

_Sur. Puede ser de hazer burla de mi amor?_“[1986] 81

_Face._ You hear the Don too? By this air I call,
And loose the hinges. Dol!

_Sub._ A plague of hell——

_Face._ Will you then do?

_Sub._ You ’re a terrible rogue!
I’ll think of this. Will you, sir, call the widow?

_Face._ Yes, and I’ll take her too with all her faults, 86
Now I do think on ’t better.

_Sub._ With all my heart, sir;
Am I discharg’d o’ the lot?

_Face._ As you please.

_Sub._ Hands. [_They shake hands._]

_Face._ Remember now, that upon any change
You never claim her.

_Sub._ Much good joy and health to you, sir, 90
Marry a whore! Fate, let me wed a witch first.

_Sur. Por estas honradas barbas_[1987]——

_Sub._ He swears by his beard.
Dispatch, and call the brother too. [_Exit_ FACE.]

_Sur. Tengo duda, senores, que no me hagan alguna traycion._[1988] 95

_Sub._ How, issue on? Yes, _praesto, senor_.
Please you
_Enthratha_ the _chambratha_, worthy don:
Where if you please the fates, in your _bathada_,
You shall be soak’d, and strok’d, and tubb’d, and rubb’d,
And scrubb’d, and fubb’d,[1989] dear don, before you go. 100
You shall in faith, my scurvy baboon don,
Be curried, claw’d, and flaw’d,[1990] and taw’d,[1991] indeed.
I will the heartlier go about it now,
And make the widow a punk so much the sooner,
To be reveng’d on this impetuous Face: 105
The quickly doing of it is the grace.
[_Exeunt_ SUB. _and_ SURLY.]

SCENE IV.[1992]

[_Enter_] FACE, KASTRIL, _and_ Dame PLIANT.

[_Face._] Come, lady: I knew the doctor would not leave
Till he had found the very nick of her fortune.

_Kas._ To be a conntess, say you?

[_Face._][1993] A Spanish countess, sir.

_Dame P._ Why, is that better than an English countess?

_Face._ Better! ’Slight, make you that a question, lady? 5

_Kas._ Nay, she is a fool, captain, you must pardon her.

_Face._ Ask from your courtier to your inns-of-court-man,
To your mere milliner; they will tell you all,
Your Spanish jennet is the best horse; your Spanish
Stoop is the best garb;[1994] your Spanish beard 10
Is the best cut; your Spanish ruffs are the best
Wear; your Spanish pavin the best dance;
Your Spanish titillation in a glove
The best perfume: and for your Spanish pike,
And Spanish blade, let your poor captain speak.—
Here comes the doctor.

[_Enter_ SUBTLE _with a paper._]

_Sub._ My most honour’d lady,
For so I am now to style you, having found
By this my scheme,[1995] you are to undergo
An honourable fortune very shortly, 19
What will you say now, if some——

_Face._ I ha’ told her all, sir,
And her right worshipful brother here, that she shall be
A countess; do not delay ’em, sir; a Spanish countess.

_Sub._ Still, my scarce-worshipful captain, you can keep
No secret! Well, since he has told you, madam,
Do you forgive him, and I do.

_Kas._ She shall do that, sir; 25
I ’ll look to it; ’t is my charge.

_Sub._ Well then: nought rests
But that she fit her love now to her fortune.

_Dame P._ Truly I shall never brook a Spaniard.

_Sub._ No?

_Dame P._ Never sin’ eighty-eight[1996] could I abide ’em,
And that was some three years afore I was born, in truth. 30

_Sub._ Come, you must love him, or be miserable;
Choose which you will.

_Face._ By this good rush, persuade her,
She will cry[1997] strawberries else within this twelve month.

_Sub._ Nay, shads and mackerel, which is worse.

_Face._ Indeed, sir!

_Kas._ God’s lid, you shall love him, or I ’ll kick you.

_Dame P._ Why, 35
I ’ll do as you will ha’ me, brother.

_Kas._ Do,
Or by this hand I ’ll maul you.

_Face._ Nay, good sir,
Be not so fierce.

_Sub._ No, my enraged child;
She will be rul’d. What, when she comes to taste
The pleasures of a countess! to be courted—— 40

_Face._ And kiss’d and ruffled!

_Sub._ Ay, behind the hangings.

_Face._ And then come forth in pomp!

_Sub._ And know her state!

_Face._ Of keeping all th’ idolators o’ the chamber
Barer to her, than at their prayers!

_Sub._ Is serv’d
Upon the knee!

_Face._ And has her pages, ushers, 45
Footmen, and coaches——

_Sub._ Her six mares——

_Face._ Nay, eight!

_Sub._ To hurry her through London, to th’ Exchange.[1998]
Bet’lem,[1999] the China-houses[2000]——

_Face._ Yes, and have
The citizens gape at her, and praise her tires,[2001]
And my lord’s goose-turd bands,[2002] that rides with her! 50

_Kas._ Most brave! By this hand, you are not my suster
If you refuse.

_Dame P._ I will not refuse, brother.

[_Enter_ SURLY.]

_Sur. Que es esto, senores, que non se venga?
Esta tardanza me mata!_[2003]

_Face._ It is the count come:
The doctor knew he would be here, by his art.

_Sub. En gallanta, madama, Don! gallantissima!_ 56

_Sur. Por todos los dioses, la mas acabada
Hermosura, que he visto en ma vida!_[2004]

_Face._ Is ’t not a gallant language that they speak?

_Kas._ An admirable language! Is ’t not French? 60

_Face._ No, Spanish, sir.

_Kas._ It goes like law French,
And that, they say, is the court-liest language.

_Face._ List, sir.

_Sur. El sol ha perdido su lumbre, con el
Resplandor que trae esta dana! Valga me dios!_[2005]

_Face._ H’ s your sister.

_Kas._ Must not she make curt’sy. 65

_Sub._ ’Ods will, she must go to him, man, and kiss him!
It is the Spanish fashion, for the women
To make first court.

_Face._ ’T is true he tells you, sir:
His art knows all.

_Sur._ _Porque no se acude?_[2006]

_Kas._ He speaks to her, I think.

_Fact._ That he does, sir. 70

_Sur. Por el amor de dios, que es esto que se tarda?_[2007]

_Kas._ Nay, see: she will not understand him! Gull, Noddy.

_Dame P._ What say you, brother?

_Kas._ Ass, my suster,
Go kuss him, as the cunning man would ha’ you;
I ’ll thrust a pin i’ your buttocks else.

_Face._ O no, sir. 75

_Sur. Senora mia, mi persona muy indigna esta
Allegar a tanta hermosura._[2008]

_Face._ Does he not use her bravely?

_Kas._ Bravely, i’ faith!

_Face._ Nay, he will use her better.

_Kas._ Do you think so?

_Sur. Senora, si sera servida, entremos._[2009] 80
[_Exit with_ Dame PLIANT.]

_Kas._ Where does he carry her?

_Face._ Into the garden, sir;
Take you no thought: I must interpret for her.

_Sub._ Give Dol the word.
[_Aside to_ FACE, _who goes out_.]
—Come, my fierce child, advance,
We’ll to our quarreling lesson again.

_Kas._ Agreed.
I love a Spanish boy with all my heart. 85

_Sub._ Nay, and by this means, sir, you shall be brother
To a great count.

_Kas._ Ay, I knew that at first.
This match will advance the house of the Kastrils.

_Sub._ ’Pray God your sister prove but pliant!

_Kas._ Why,
Her name is so, by her other husband.

_Sub._ How! 90

_Kas._ The Widow Pliant. Knew you not that?

_Sub._ No, faith, sir;
Yet, by the erection of her figure,[2010] I guess’d it.
Come, let ’s go practise.

_Kas._ Yes, but do you think, doctor,
I e’er shall quarrel well?

_Sub._ I warrant you. [_Exeunt._]

SCENE V.[2011]

[_Enter_] DOL [_followed by_] MAMMON.

DOL (_in her fit of talking_). _For after Alexander’s death_——[2012]

_Mam._ Good lady——

_Dol. That Perdiccas and Antigonus were slain,
The two that stood, Seleuc’ and Ptolomy_——

_Mam._ Madam—

_Dol. Make up the two legs, and the fourth beast,
That was Gog-north and Egypt-south: which after 5
Was called Gog-iron-leg and South-iron-leg_——

_Mam._ Lady——

_Dol. And then Gog-horned. So was Egypt, too:
Then Egypt-clay-leg, and Gog-clay-leg_——

_Mam._ Sweet madam——

_Dol. And last Gog-dust, and Egypt-dust, which fall
In the last link of the fourth chain. And these_ 10
_Be stars in story, which none see, or look at_——

_Mam._ What shall I do?

_Dol._ _For_, as he says, _except
We call the rabbins, and the heathen Greeks_——

_Mam._ Dear lady——

_Dol._ _To come from Salem, and from Athens,
And teach the people of Great Britain_——

[_Enter_ FACE _hastily, in his servant’s dress_.]

_Face._ What’s the matter, sir? 15

_Dol. To speak the tongue of Eber and Javan_——

_Mam._ O,
She’s in her fit.

_Dol._ _We shall know nothing_——

_Face._ Death, sir.
We are undone!

_Dol._ _Where then a learned linguist
Shall see the ancient us’d communion
Of vowels and consonants_——

_Face._ My master will hear! 20

_Dol. A wisdom, which Pythagoras held most high_——

_Mam._ Sweet honourable lady!

_Dol._ _To comprise
All sounds of voices, in few marks of letters._

_Face._ Nay, you must never hope to lay her now.
(_They all speak together._)

_Dol. And so we may arrive by Talmud skill,[2013]
And profane Greek, to raise the building up 26
Of Helen’s house against the Ismaelite,
King of Thogarma, and his habergions
Brimstony, blue, and fiery; and the force
Of king Abaddon, and the beast of Cittim: 30
Which rabbi David Kimchi, Onkelos,
And Aben Ezra do interpret Rome._

_Face._ How did you put her into’t?

_Mam._ Alas, I talkt
Of a fifth monarchy I would erect 34
With the philosopher’s stone, by chance, and she
Falls on the other four straight.

_Face._ Out of Broughton!
I told you so. ’Slid, stop her mouth.

_Mam._ Is’t best?

_Face._ She’ll never leave else. If the old man hear her,
We are but faeces, ashes.

_Sub._ [_within._] What’s to do there?

_Face._ O, we are lost! Now she hears him, she is quiet. 40

[_Enter_ SUBTLE;] _upon_ SUBTLE’s _entry they disperse_.

_Mam._ Where shall I hide me!

_Sub._ How! What sight is here?
Close[2014] deeds of darkness, and that shun the light!
Bring him again. Who is he? What, my son!
O, I have liv’d too long.

_Mam._ Nay, good, dear father,
There was no unchaste purpose.

_Sub._ Not? and flee me 45
When I come in?

_Mam._ That was my error.

_Sub._ Error?
Guilt, guilt, my son; give it the right name. No marvel
If I found check in our great work within,
When such affairs as these were managing! 49

_Mam._ Why, have you so?

_Sub._ It has stood still this half hour:
And all the rest of our less works gone back.
Where is the instrument of wickedness,
My lewd false drudge?

_Mam._ Nay, good sir, blame not him;
Believe me, ’t was against his will or knowledge: 54
I saw her by chance.

_Sub._ Will you commit more sin,
T’excuse a varlet?

_Mam._ By my hope, ’t is true, sir.

_Sub._ Nay, then I wonder less, if you, for whom
The blessing was prepar’d, would so tempt heaven,
And lose your fortunes.

_Mam._ Why, sir?

_Sub._ This will retard
The work a month at least.

_Mam._ Why, if it do, 60
What remedy? But think it not, good father:
Our purposes were honest.[2015]

_Sub._ As they were,
So the reward will prove. (_A great crack and noise within_.)—How
now! ay me!
God and all saints be good to us.——
[_Re-enter_ FACE.]
What ’s that? 64

_Face._ O, sir, we are defeated! All the works
Are flown _in fumo_,[2016] every glass is burst;
Furnace and all rent down, as if a bolt
Of thunder had been driven through the house.
Retorts, receivers, pelicans,[2017] bolt heads,[2018] 69
All struck in shivers!
(SUBTLE _falls down as in a swoon_.)
Help, good sir! alas,
Coldness and death invades him. Nay, Sir Mammon,
Do the fair offices of a man! You stand,
As you were readier to depart than he.
(_One knocks_.)
Who’s there? My lord her brother is come.

_Mam._ Ha, Lungs!

_Face._ His coach is at the door. Avoid his sight, 75
For he ’s as furious as his sister ’s mad.

_Mam._ Alas!

_Face._ My brain is quite undone with the fume, sir,
I ne’er must hope to be mine own man again.

_Mam._ Is all lost, Lungs? Will nothing be preserv’d
Of all our cost?

_Face._ Faith, very little, sir; 80
A peck of coals or so, which is cold comfort, sir.

_Mam._ O, my voluptuous mind! I am justly punish’d.

_Face._ And so am I, sir.

_Mam._ Cast from all my hopes——

_Face._ Nay, certainties, sir.

_Mam._ By mine own base affections.

_Sub._ (_seeming to come to himself._) O, the curst
fruits of vice and lust!

_Mam._ Good father, 85
It was my sin. Forgive it.

_Sub._ Hangs my roof
Over us still, and will not fall, O justice,
Upon us, for this wicked man!

_Face._ Nay, look, sir,
You grieve him now with staying in his sight.
Good sir, the nobleman will come too, and take you, 90
And that may breed a tragedy.

_Mam._ I’ll go.

_Face._ Ay, and repent at home, sir. It may be,
For some good penance you may ha’ it yet;
A hundred pound to the box at Bet’lem[2019]——

_Mam._ Yes.

_Face._ For the restoring such as—ha’ their wits.

_Mam._ I’ll do ’t. 95

_Face._ I’ll send one to you to receive it.

_Mam._ Do.
Is no projection left?

_Face._ All flown, or stinks, sir.

_Mam._ Will nought be sav’d that’s good for
med’cine, think’st thou?

_Face._ I cannot tell, sir. There will be perhaps
Something about the scraping of the shards, 100
Will cure the itch,—though not your itch of mind, sir. [_Aside._]
It shall be sav’d for you, and sent home. Good sir,
This way, for fear the lord shall meet you.
[_Exit_ MAMMON.]

_Sub._ [_raising his head_.] Face!

_Face._ Ay.

_Sub._ Is he gone?

_Face._ Yes, and as heavily
As all the gold he hop’d for were in’s blood. 105
Let us be light though.

_Sub._ [_leaping up_.] Ay, as balls, and bound
And hit our heads against the roof for joy;
There ’s so much of our care now cast away.

_Face._ Now to our don.

_Sub._ Yes, your young widow by this time
Is made a countess, Face; she’s been in travail 100
Of a young heir for you.

_Face._ Good, sir.

_Sub._ Off with your case,[2020]
And greet her kindly, as a bridegroom should,
After these common hazards.

_Face._ Very well, sir.
Will you go fetch Don Diego off the while?

_Sub._ And fetch him over too, if you’ll be pleas’d, sir. 115
Would Dol were in her place, to pick his pockets now!

_Face._ Why, you can do’t as well, if you would set to’t.
I pray you prove your virtue.[2021]

_Sub._ For your sake, sir. [_Exeunt._]

SCENE VI.[2022]

[_Enter_] SURLY _and_ Dame PLIANT.

_Sur._ Lady, you see into what hands you are fall’n;
’Mongst what a nest of villains! and how near
Your honour was t’ have catch’d a certain clap,
Through your credulity, had I but been
So punctually forward, as place, time, 5
And other circumstance would ha’ made a man;
For you’re a handsome woman: would you were wise too!
I am a gentleman come here disguis’d,
Only to find the knaveries of this citadel;
And where I might have wrong’d your honour, and have not, 10
I claim some interest in your love. You are,
They say, a widow, rich; and I’m a bachelor.
Worth nought: your fortunes may make me a man,
As mine ha’ preserv’d you a woman. Think upon it,
And whether I have deserv’d you or no.

_Dame P._ I will, sir. 15

_Sur._ And for these household-rogues, let me alone
To treat with them.

[_Enter_ SUBTLE.]

_Sub._ How doth my noble Diego,
And my dear madam countess? Hath the count
Been courteous, lady? liberal and open?
Donzel,[2023] methinks you look melancholic, 20
I do not like the dulness of your eye;
It hath a heavy cast, ’t is upsee Dutch,[2024]
And says you are a lumpish whore-master.
Be lighter, I will make your pockets so.
(_He falls to picking of them_.)

_Sur._ [_throws open his cloak_.] Will you, don bawd and pick-purse?
[_Strikes him down_.] How now! Reel you? 25
Stand up, sir, you shall find, since I am so heavy,
I’ll gi’ you equal weight.

_Sub._ Help! murder!

_Sur._ No, sir,
There ’s no such thing intended. A good cart[2025]
And a clean whip shall ease you of that fear.
I am the Spanish don that should be cozened, 30
Do you see? Cozened? Where’s your Captain Face,
That parcel[2026]-broker, and whole-bawd, all rascal?

[_Enter_ FACE _in his uniform_.]

_Face._ How, Surly!

_Sur._ O, make your approach, good captain.
I’ve found from whence your copper rings and spoons
Come now, wherewith, you cheat abroad in taverns. 35
’T was here you learn’d t’anoint your boot with brimstone,
Then rub men’s gold on’t for a kind of touch,
And say, ’t was naught, when you had chang’d the colour,
That you might ha’t for nothing. And this doctor,
Your sooty, smoky-bearded compeer, he 40
Will close you so much gold, in a bolt’s-head,
And, on a turn, convey i’ the stead another
With sublim’d mercury, that shall burst i’ the heat,
And fly out all _in fumo_! Then weeps Mammon;
Then swoons his worship. Or, [FACE _slips out_.] he is the Faustus, 45
That casteth figures[2027] and can conjure, cures
Plagues, piles, and pox, by the ephemerides.[2028]
And holds intelligence with all the bawds
And midwives of three shires: while you send in——
Captain!—what! is he gone?—damsels with child, 50
Wives that are barren, or the waiting-maid
With the green sickness. [_Seizes_ SUBTLE _as he is retiring_.]
—Nay, sir, you must tarry,
Though he be scap’d; and answer by the ears, sir.

SCENE VII.[2029]

[_Re-enter_] FACE [_with_] KASTRIL [_to_] SURLY [_and_] SUBTLE.

_Face._ Why, now’s the time, if ever you will quarrel
Well, as they say, and be a true-born child:
The doctor and your sister both are abus’d.[2030]

_Kas._ Where is he? Which is he? He is a slave,
Whate’er he is, and the son of a whore.—Are you 5
The man, sir, I would know?

_Sur._ I should be loth, sir.
To confess so much.

_Kas._ Then you lie i’ your throat.

_Sur._ How!

_Face._ [_To_ KASTRIL.] A very arrant rogue, sir, and a cheater,
Employ’d here by another conjurer
That does not love the doctor, and would cross him 10
If he knew how.

_Sur._ Sir, you are abus’d.

_Kas._ You lie;
And ’t is no matter.

_Face._ Well said, sir! He is
The impudent’st rascal——

_Sur._ You are indeed. Will you hear me, sir?

_Face._ By no means: bid him be gone.

_Kas._ Begone, sir, quickly.

_Sur._ This is strange!—Lady, do you inform your brother. 15

_Face._ There is not such a foist[2031] in all the town.
The doctor had him presently; and finds yet
The Spanish count will come here.—Bear up,
Subtle. [_Aside._]

_Sub._ Yes, sir, he must appear within this hour.

_Face._ And yet this rogue would come in a disguise, 20
By the temptation of another spirit,
To trouble our art, though he could not hurt it!

_Kas._ Ay,
I know—Away, [_To his sister_.] you talk like a foolish
mauther.[2032]

_Sur._ Sir, all is truth she says.

_Face._ Do not believe him, sir. 24
He is the lying’st swabber! Come your ways, sir.

_Sur._ You are valiant out of company!

_Kas._ Yes, how then, sir?

[_Enter_ DRUGGER _with a piece of damask_.]

_Face._ Nay, here’s an honest fellow too that knows him,
And all his tricks. (Make good what I say, Abel.)
This cheater would ha’ cozen’d thee o’ the widow.— [_Aside to_ DRUG.]
He owes this honest Drugger here seven pound,
He has had on him in twopenny’orths of tobacco. 31

_Drug._ Yes, sir. And he has damn’d himself three terms to pay me.

_Face._ And what does he owe for lotium?[2033]

_Drug._ Thirty shillings, sir;
And for six syringes.

_Sur._ Hydra of villainy!

_Face._ Nay, sir, you must quarrel him out o’the house.

_Kas._ I will; 35
—Sir, if you get not out o’ doors, you lie;
And you are a pimp.

_Sur._ Why, this is madness, sir,
Not valour in you; I must laugh at this.

_Kas._ It is my humour; you are a pimp and a trig.[2034]
And an Amadis de Gaul, or a Don Quixote. 40

_Drug._ Or a knight o’ the curious coxcomb, do you see?

[_Enter_ ANANIAS.]

_Ana._ Peace to the household!

_Kas._ I’ll keep peace for no man.

_Ana._ Casting of dollars is concluded lawful.

_Kas._ Is he the constable?

_Sub._ Peace, Ananias.

_Face._ No, sir.

_Kas._ Then you are an otter, and a shad, a whit, 45
A very tim.[2035]

_Sur._ You’ll hear me, sir?

_Kas._ I will not.

_Ana._ What is the motive?

_Sub._ Zeal in the young gentleman,
Against his Spanish slops.

_Ana._ They are profane,
Lewd, superstitious, and idolatrous breeches.

_Sur._ New rascals!

_Kas._ Will you be gone, sir?

_Ana._ Avoid, Sathan! 50
Thou art not of the light! That ruff of pride
About thy neck, betrays thee; and is the same
With that which the unclean birds, in seventy-seven,[2036]
Were seen to prank it with on divers coasts:
Thou look’st like antichrist, in that lewd hat. 55

_Sur._ I must give way.

_Kas._ Be gone, sir.

_Sur._ But I’ll take
A course with you.——

_Ana._ Depart, proud Spanish fiend!

_Sur._ Captain and doctor.

_Ana._ Child of perdition!

_Kas._ Hence, sir!—[_Exit_ SURLY.]
Did I not quarrel bravely?

_Face._ Yes, indeed, sir.

_Kas._ Nay, an I give my mind to’t, I shall do’t. 60

_Face._ O, you must follow, sir, and threaten him tame:
He’ll turn again else.

_Kas._ I’ll re-turn him then. [_Exit._]

_Face._ Drugger, this rogue prevented us, for thee:
We had determin’d that thou should’st ha’ come
In a Spanish suit, and ha’ carried her so; and he, 65
A brokerly slave, goes, puts it on himself.
Hast brought the damask?

_Drug._ Yes, sir.

_Face._ Thou must borrow
A Spanish suit. Hast thou no credit with the players?

_Drug._ Yes, sir; did you never see me play the Fool?

_Face._ I know not, Nab;—thou shalt, if I can help it.—[_Aside._] 70
Hieronimo’s[2037] old cloak, ruff, and hat will serve;
I’ll tell thee more when thou bring’st ’em.
[_Exit_ DRUGGER.] SUBTLE _hath whisper’d with_ ANAN. _this while_.

_Ana._ Sir, I know.
The Spaniard hates the brethren, and hath spies
Upon their actions: and that this was one
I make no scruple.—But the holy synod 75
Have been in prayer and meditation for it;
And ’t is reveal’d no less to them than me,
That casting of money is most lawful.

_Sub._ True.
But here I cannot do it: if the house
Should chance to be suspected, all would out, 80
And we be lock’d up in the Tower for ever,
To make gold there for th’ state, never come out;
And then are you defeated.

_Ana._ I will tell
This to the elders and the weaker brethren,
That the whole company of the separation 85
May join in humble prayer again.

_Sub._ And fasting.

_Ana._ Yea, for some fitter place. The peace of mind
Rest with these walls! [_Exit._]

_Sub._ Thanks, courteous Ananias.

_Face._ What did he come for?

_Sub._ About casting dollars,
Presently out of hand. And so I told him, 90
A Spanish minister came here to spy,
Against the faithful——-

_Face._ I conceive. Come, Subtle,
Thou art so down upon the least disaster!
How wouldst thou ha’ done, if I had not helpt thee out?

_Sub._ I thank thee, Face, for the angry boy, i’ faith. 95

_Face._ Who would ha’ lookt[2038] it should ha’ been that rascal
Surly? He had dy’d his beard and all. Well, sir.
Here ’s damask come to make you a suit.

_Sub._ Where ’s Drugger?

_Face._ He is gone to borrow me a Spanish habit; 99
I ’ll be the count now.

_Sub._ But where ’s the widow?

_Face._ Within, with my lord’s sister; Madam Dol
Is entertaining her.

_Sub._ By your favour, Face,
Now she is honest, I will stand again.

_Face._ You will not offer it?

_Sub._ Why?

_Face._ Stand to your word,
Or—here comes Dol. She knows——

_Sub._ You ’re tyrannous still. 105

[_Enter_ DOL _hastily_.]

_Face._—Strict for my right.—How now, Dol! Hast told her,
The Spanish count will come?

_Dol._ Yes; but another is come,
You little lookt for!

_Face._ Who ’s that?

_Dol._ Your master;
The master of the house.

_Sub._ How, Dol!

_Face._ She lies,
This is some trick. Come, leave your quiblins,[2039] Dorothy. 110

_Dol._ Look out and see.
[FACE _goes to the window_.]

_Sub._ Art thou in earnest?

_Dol._ ’Slight,
Forty o’ the neighbours are about him, talking.

_Face._ ’T is he, by this good day.

_Dol._ ’T will prove ill day
For some on us.

_Face._ We are undone, and taken.

_Dol._ Lost, I’m afraid.

_Sub._ You said he would not come, 115
While there died one a week within the liberties.[2040]

_Face._ No: ’t was within the walls.

_Sub._ Was ’t so? Cry you mercy.
I thought the liberties. What shall we do now, Face?

_Face._ Be silent: not a word, if he call or knock. 119
I ’ll into mine old shape again and meet him,
Of Jeremy, the butler. I’ the meantime,
Do you two pack up all the goods and purchase[2041]
That we can carry i’ the two trunks. I ’ll keep him
Off for to-day, if I cannot longer: and then 124
At night, I ’ll ship you both away to Ratcliff,
Where we will meet to-morrow, and there we ’ll share.
Let Mammon’s brass and pewter keep the cellar;
We ’ll have another time for that. But, Dol,
Prithee go heat a little water quickly; 129
Subtle must shave me. All my captain’s beard
Must off, to make me appear smooth Jeremy.
You ’ll do it?

_Sub._ Yes, I ’ll shave you as well as I can.

_Face._ And not cut my throat, but trim me?

_Sub._ You shall see, sir. [_Exeunt._]