Chapter CXV: Act III: Scene I.3841

[_Enter_] WITGOOD _with his_ Creditors.

_Wit._ Why, alas, my creditors, could you find no other time to undo
me but now? Rather your malice appears in this than the justness of
the debt.

_1 Cred._ Master Witgood, I have forborne (5) my money long.

_Wit._ I pray, speak low, sir: what do you mean?

_2 Cred._ We hear you are to be married suddenly to a rich country
widow. 10

_Wit._ What can be kept so close but you creditors hear on ’t! Well,
’t is a lamentable state, that our chiefest afflictors should first
hear of our fortunes. Why, this is no good course, i’ faith, sirs: if
ever you have hope to be satisfied, (15) why do you seek to confound
the means that should work it? There’s neither piety, no, nor policy
in that. Shine favourably now: why, I may rise and spread again, to
your great comforts. 20

_1 Cred._ He says true, i’ faith.

_Wit._ Remove me now, and I consume for ever.

_2 Cred._ Sweet gentleman!

_Wit._ How can it thrive which from the sun you sever?

_3 Cred._ It cannot; indeed. 25

_Wit._ O, then, show patience! I shall have enough
To satisfy you all.

_Cred._ Ay, if we could
Be content, a shame take us!

_Wit._ For, look you;
I am but newly sure[3842] yet to the widow,
And what a rend might this discredit make! 30
Within these three days will I bind you lands
For your securities.

_1 Cred._ No, good Master Witgood:
Would ’t were as much as we dare trust you with!

_Wit._ I know you have been kind; however, now,
Either by wrong report or false incitement, 35
Your gentleness is injured: in such
A state as this a man cannot want foes.
If on the sudden he begin to rise,
No man that lives can count his enemies.
You had some intelligence, I warrant ye, 40
From an ill-willer.

_2 Cred._ Faith, we heard you brought up a rich widow, sir, and were
suddenly to marry her. 44

_Wit._ Ay, why there it was; I knew ’t was so; but since you are
so well resolv’d,[3843] of my faith toward you, let me be so much
favour’d of you, I beseech you all——

_All._ O, it shall not need, i’ faith, sir!—— 49

_Wit._ As to lie still awhile, and bury my debts in silence, till I
be fully possest of the widow; for the truth is—I may tell you as my
friends——

_All._ O, O, O!—— 54

_Wit._ I am to raise a little money in the city, toward the setting
forth of myself, for my own credit and your comfort. Now, if my
former debts should be divulg’d, all hope of my proceedings were
quite extinguisht. 59

_1 Cred._ Do you hear, sir? I may deserve your custom hereafter;
pray, let my money be accepted before a stranger’s. Here ’s forty
pound I receiv’d as I came to you; if that may stand you in any
stead, make use on ’t. [_Offers him money, which he at first
declines._] Nay, pray, sir; ’t is at your service. 66

_Wit._ You do so ravish me with kindness, that
I am constrain’d to play the maid, and take it.

_1 Cred._ Let none of them see it, I beseech you. 70

_Wit._ Faugh!

_1 Cred._ I hope I shall be first in your remembrance
After the marriage rites.

_Wit._ Believe it firmly.

_1 Cred._ So.—What, do you walk, sirs? 74

_2 Cred._ I go.—[_Aside to_ WITGOOD.]—Take no care, sir, for money
to furnish you; within this hour I send you sufficient. Come, Master
Cockpit, we both stay for you.

_3 Cred._ I ha’ lost a ring, i’ faith; I ’ll follow you presently
[_exeunt_ 1 _and_ 2 Creditors]—but (80) you shall find it, sir. I
know your youth and expenses have disfurnisht you of all jewels:
there ’s a ruby of twenty pound price, sir; bestow it upon your
widow. [_Offers him the ring, which he at first declines._]—What,
man! ’t (85) will call up her blood to you; beside, if I might
so much work with you, I would not have you beholding to those
bloodsuckers for any money.

_Wit._ Not I, believe it.

_3 Cred._ They ’re a brace of cut-throats. 90

_Wit._ I know ’em.

_3 Cred._ Send a note of all your wants to my shop, and I ’ll supply
you instantly.

_Wit._ Say you so? Why, here ’s my hand then, no man living shalt do
’t but thyself. 95

_3 Cred._ Shall I carry it away from ’em both, then?

_Wit._ I’ faith, shalt thou.

_3 Cred._ Troth, then, I thank you, sir. 99

_Wit._ Welcome, good Master Cockpit. _Exit_ [3 Creditor].—Ha,
ha, ha! why, is not this better now than lying a-bed? I perceive
there ’s nothing conjures up wit sooner than poverty, and nothing
lays it down sooner than wealth and lechery: this has some savour
yet. O that (105) I had the mortgage from mine uncle as sure in
possession as these trifles! I would forswear brothel at noonday, and
muscadine[3844] and eggs, at midnight.

_Enter_ Courtesan.

_Cour._ Master Witgood, where are you? 110

_Wit._ Holla!

_Cour._ Rich news!

_Wit._ Would ’t were all in plate!

_Cour._ There ’s some in chains and jewels. I am so haunted with
suitors, Master Witgood, I know not which to despatch first. 116

_Wit._ You have the better term,[3845] by my faith.

_Cour._ Among the number
One Master Hoard, an ancient gentleman.

_Wit._ Upon my life, my uncle’s adversary. 120

_Cour._ It may well hold so, for he rails on you,
Speaks shamefully of him.

_Wit._ As I could wish it.

_Cour._ I first denied him, but so cunningly,
It rather promis’d him assured hopes,
Than any loss of labour.

_Wit._ Excellent! 125

_Cour._ I expect him every hour with gentlemen,
With whom he labours to make good his words,
To approve you riotous, your state consum’d.
Your uncle,——

_Wit._ Wench, make up thy own fortunes (130) now; do thyself a good
turn once in thy days. He ’s rich in money, movables, and lands;
marry him: he ’s an old doting fool, and that ’s worth all; marry
him. ’T would be a great comfort to me to see thee do well, i’ faith;
marry (135) him. ’T would ease my conscience well to see thee well
bestow’d; I have a care of thee, i’ faith.

_Cour._ Thanks, sweet Master Witgood.

_Wit._ I reach at farther happiness: first, I (140) am sure it can be
no harm to thee, and there may happen goodness to me by it. Prosecute
it well; let ’s send up for our wits, now we require their best and
most pregnant assistance.

_Cour._ Step in, I think I hear ’em. [_Exeunt._]

_Enter_ HOARD _and_ Gentlemen _with the_ Host _as serving-man._

_Hoa._ Art thou the widow’s man? By my (146) faith, sh’as a company
of proper men then.

_Host._ I am the worst of six, sir; good enough for blue coats.

_Hoa._ Hark hither: I hear say thou art in most credit with her. 151

_Host._ Not so, sir.

_Hoa._ Come, come, thou ’rt modest. There ’s a brace of royals;[3846]
prithee, help me to th’ speech of her. [_Gives him money._] 155

_Host._ I ’ll do what I may, sir, always saving myself harmless.

_Hoa._ Go to, do ’t, I say; thou shalt hear better from me.

_Host._ [_Aside._] Is not this a better place (160) than five
mark[3847] a-year standing wages? Say a man had but three such
clients in a day, methinks he might make a poor living on ’t; beside,
I was never brought up with so little honesty to refuse any man’s
money; never. (165) What gulls there are a’ this side the world!
Now know I the widow’s mind; none but my young master comes in her
clutches: ha, ha, ha! _Exit._

_Hoa._ Now, my dear gentlemen, stand firmly to me; You know his
follies and my worth.

1 [_Gent._] We do, sir. 170

2 [_Gent._] But, Master Hoard, are you sure he is not i’ th’ house
now?

_Hoa._ Upon my honesty. I chose this time
A’ purpose, fit: the spendthrift is abroad.
Assist me; here she comes.
_Enter_ Courtesan.
Now, my sweet widow. 175

_Cour._ You ’re welcome, Master Hoard.

_Hoa._ Despatch, sweet gentlemen, despatch.—
I am come, widow, to prove those my words
Neither of envy sprung nor of false tongues,
But such as their[3848] deserts and actions 180
Do merit and bring forth; all which these gentlemen,
Well known, and better reputed, will confess.

_Cour._ I cannot tell
How my affections may dispose of me;
But surely if they find him so desertless, 185
They ’ll have that reason to withdraw themselves:
And therefore, gentlemen, I do entreat you,
As you are fair in reputation
And in appearing form, so shine in truth.
I am a widow, and, alas, you know, 190
Soon overthrown! ’T is a very small thing
That we withstand, our weakness is so great:
Be partial unto neither, but deliver,
Without affection, your opinion.

_Hoa._ And that will drive it home. 195

_Cour._ Nay, I beseech your silence, Master Hoard;
You are a party.

_Hoa._ Widow, not a word.

_1 Gent._ The better first to work you to belief,
Know neither of us owe him flattery,
Nor t’ other malice; but unbribed censure,[3849] 200
So help us our best fortunes!

_Cour._ It suffices.

_1 Gent._ That Witgood is a riotous, undone man,
Imperfect both in fame and in estate,
His debts wealthier than he, and executions
In wait for his due body, we ’ll maintain 205
With our best credit and our dearest blood.

_Cour._ Nor land nor living, say you? Pray, take heed
You do not wrong the gentleman.

_1 Gent._ What we speak
Our lives and means are ready to make good.

_Cour._ Alas, how soon are we poor souls beguil’d! 210

_2 Gent._ And for his uncle——

_Hoa._ Let that come to me.
His uncle, a severe extortioner;
A tyrant at a forfeiture; greedy of others’
Miseries; one that would undo his brother,
Nay, swallow up his father, if he can, 215
Within the fathoms of his conscience.

_1 Gent._ Nay, believe it, widow,
You had not only matcht yourself to wants,
But in an evil and unnatural stock.

_Hoa._ [_Aside to_ Gent.] Follow hard, gentlemen, follow hard. 220

_Cour._ Is my love so deceiv’d? Before you all
I do renounce him; on my knees I vow
He ne’er shall marry me.

_Wit._ [_looking in._] Heaven knows he never meant it!

_Hoa._ [_Aside to_ Gent.] There take her at the bound. 225

1 _Gent._ Then, with a new and pure affection,
Behold yon gentleman; grave, kind, and rich,
A match worthy yourself: esteeming him,
You do regard your state.

_Hoa._ [_Aside to_ Gent.] I ’ll make her a jointure, say. 230

1 _Gent._ He can join land to land, and will possess you
Of what you can desire.

2 _Gent._ Come, widow, come.

_Cour._ The world is so deceitful!

1 _Gent._ There, ’t is deceitful,
Where flattery, want, and imperfection lies;
But none of these in him: push!

_Cour._ Pray, sir—— 235

1 _Gent._ Come, you widows are ever most backward when you should do
yourselves most good; but were it to marry a chin not worth a hair
now, then you would be forward enough. Come, clap hands, a match. 240

_Hoa._ With all my heart, widow. [HOARD _and_ Courtesan _shake
hands_.]—Thanks, gentlemen:
I will deserve your labour, and [_to_ Courtesan] thy love.

_Cour._ Alas, you love not widows but for wealth!
I promise you I ha’ nothing, sir.

_Hoa._ Well said, widow,
Well said; thy love is all I seek, before 245
These gentlemen.

_Cour._ Now I must hope the best.

_Hoa._ My joys are such they want to be exprest.

_Cour._ But, Master Hoard, one thing I must remember you of, before
these gentlemen, your friends: how shall I suddenly avoid the 250
loathed soliciting of that perjur’d Witgood, and his tedious,
dissembling uncle? who this very day hath appointed a meeting for the
same purpose too; where, had not truth come forth, I had been undone,
utterly undone! 255

_Hoa._ What think you of that, gentlemen?

1 _Gent._ ’T was well devised.

_Hoa._ Hark thee, widow: train[3850] out young Witgood single;
hasten him thither with thee, somewhat before the hour; where, at
the (260) place appointed, these gentlemen and myself will wait
the opportunity, when, by some slight removing him from thee, we
’ll suddenly enter and surprise thee, carry thee away by boat to
Cole-Harbour, have a priest ready, and there (265) clap it up
instantly. How likest it, widow?

_Cour._ In that it pleaseth you, it likes me well.

_Hoa._ I ’ll kiss thee for those words. Come, gentlemen,
Still must I live a suitor to your favours,
Still to your aid beholding. 270

1 _Gent._ We ’re engag’d, sir;
’T is for our credits now to see ’t well ended.

_Hoa._ ’T is for your honours, gentlemen; nay, look to ’t.
Not only in joy, but I in wealth excel:
No more sweet widow, but, sweet wife, farewell. 275

_Cour._ Farewell, sir.
_Exeunt_ [HOARD _and_ Gentlemen].

_Re-enter_ WITGOOD.

_Wit._ O for more scope! I could laugh eternally! Give you joy,
Mistress Hoard, I promise your fortune was good, forsooth; you ’ve
fell upon wealth enough, and there ’s young (280) gentlemen enow can
help you to the rest. Now, it requires our wits: carry thyself but
heedfully now, and we are both——

[_Re-enter_ Host.]

_Host._ Master Witgood, your uncle. 284

_Wit._ Cuds me![3851]—remove thyself awhile; I ’ll serve for him.
[_Exeunt_ Courtesan _and_ Host.]

_Enter_ LUCRE.

_Luc._ Nephew, good morning, nephew.

_Wit._ The same to you, kind uncle.

_Luc._ How fares the widow? Does the meeting hold?

_Wit._ O, no question of that, sir. 290

_Luc._ I ’ll strike the stroke, then, for thee; no more days.[3852]

_Wit._ The sooner the better, uncle. O, she ’s mightily follow’d!

_Luc._ And yet so little rumour’d! 295

_Wit._ Mightily, here comes one old gentleman, and he ’ll make her a
jointure of three hundred a year, forsooth; another wealthy suitor
will estate his son in his lifetime, and make him weigh down the
widow; here a (300) merchant’s son will possess her with no less than
three goodly lordships at once, which were all pawns to his father.

_Luc._ Peace, nephew, let me hear no more of ’em; it mads me. Thou
shalt prevent[3853] ’em (305) all. No words to the widow of my coming
hither. Let me see—’t is now, upon nine: before twelve, nephew, we
will have the bargain struck, we will, faith, boy. 309

_Wit._ O, my precious uncle! _Exeunt._

[SCENE II.][3854]

_Enter_ HOARD _and_ Niece [JOYCE].

_Hoa._ Niece, sweet niece, prithee, have a care to my house; I leave
all to thy discretion. Be content to dream awhile; I ’ll have a
husband for thee shortly: put that care upon me, wench, for in
choosing wives and husbands I am only (5) fortunate; I have that gift
given me. _Exit._

_Joy._ But ’t is not likely you should choose for me,
Since nephew to your chiefest enemy
Is he whom I affect: but, O, forgetful!
Why dost thou flatter thy affections so, 10
With name of him that for a widow’s bed
Neglects thy purer love? Can it be so,
Or does report dissemble?
[_Enter_ GEORGE.]
How, now, sir?

_Geo._ A letter, with which came a private charge.

_Joy._ Therein I thank your care. [_Exit_ GEORGE.]
—I know this hand— 15
(_Reads._) Dearer than sight, what the world reports of me, yet
believe not; rumour will alter shortly: be thou constant; I am still
the same that I was in love, and I hope to be the same in fortunes. 20
Theodorus Witgood.
I am resolv’d:[3855] no more shall fear or doubt
Raise their pale powers to keep affection out. _Exit._

[SCENE III.][3856]

_Enter_, _with a_ Drawer, HOARD _and two_ Gentlemen.

_Dra._ You ’re very welcome, gentlemen.— Dick, show those gentlemen
the Pomegranate[3857] there.

_Hoa._ Hist!

_Dra._ Up those stairs, gentlemen. 5

_Hoa._ Hist! drawer!

_Dra._ Anon, sir.

_Hoa._ Prithee, ask at the bar if a gentlewoman came not in lately.

_Dra._ William, at the bar, did you see any (10) gentlewoman come in
lately? Speak you ay, speak you no?

_Within._ No, none came in yet, but Mistress Florence.

_Dra._ He says none came in yet, sir, but one (15) Mistress Florence.

_Hoa._ What is that Florence? A widow?

_Dra._ Yes, a Dutch widow.

_Hoa._ How? 19

_Dra._ That ’s an English drab, sir: give your worship good morrow.
[_Exit._]

_Hoa._ A merry knave, i’ faith! I shall remember a Dutch widow the
longest day of my life.

_1 Gent._ Did not I use most art to win the widow? 25

_2 Gent._ You shall pardon me for that, sir; Master Hoard knows I
took her at best ’vantage.

_Hoa._ What ’s that, sweet gentlemen, what ’s that? 30

_2 Gent._ He will needs bear me down, that his art only wrought with
the widow most.

_Hoa._ O, you did both well, gentlemen, you did both well, I thank
you.

_1 Gent._ I was the first that mov’d her. 35

_Hoa._ You were, i’faith.

_2 Gent._ But it was I that took her at the bound.

_Hoa._ Ay, that was you: faith, gentlemen, ’t is right.

_3 Gent._ I boasted least, but ’t was I join’d their hands.

_Hoa._ By th’ mass, I think he did: you did all well, 40
Gentlemen, you did all well: contend no more.

_1 Gent._ Come, yon room ’s fittest.

_Hoa._ True, ’t is next the door. _Exeunt._

_Enter_ WITGOOD, Courtesan, Host [_and_ Drawer].

_Dra._ You ’re very welcome: please you to walk up stairs; cloth ’s
laid, sir. 45

_Cour._ Up stairs? Troth, I am very weary, Master Witgood.

_Wit._ Rest yourself here awhile, widow; we ’ll have a cup of
muscadine in this little room.

_Dra._ A cup of muscadine? You shall have the best, sir. 51

_Wit._ But, do you hear, sirrah?

_Dra._ Do you call? Anon, sir.

_Wit._ What is there provided for dinner?

_Dra._ I cannot readily tell you, sir: if you please you may go into
the kitchen and see (56) yourself, sir: many gentlemen of worship do
use to do it, I assure you, sir. _Exit._

_Host._ A pretty familiar, prigging rascal; he has his part without
book. 60

_Wit._ Against you are ready to drink to me, widow, I ’ll be present
to pledge you.

_Cour._ Nay. I commend your care, ’t is done well of you. [_Exit_
WITGOOD.]—’Las, what have I forgot! 65

_Host._ What, mistress?

_Cour._ I slipt my wedding ring off when I washt, and left it at my
lodging. Prithee, run; I shall be sad without it. [_Exit_ Host.]—So,
he ’s gone. Boy! 70

[_Enter_ Boy.]

_Boy._ Anon, forsooth.

_Cour._ Come hither, sirrah: learn secretly if one Master Hoard, an
ancient gentleman, be about house.

_Boy._ I heard such a one nam’d. 75

_Cour._ Commend me to him.

_Re-enter_ HOARD _and_ Gentlemen.

_Hoa._ Ay, boy, do thy commendations.

_Cour._ O! you come well: away, to boat, be gone.

_Hoa._ Thus wise men are reveng’d, give two for one. _Exeunt._

_Re-enter_ WITGOOD _and_ Vintner.

_Wit._ I must request 80
You, sir, to show extraordinary care:
My uncle comes with gentlemen, his friends.
And ’t is upon a making.[3858]

_Vin._ Is it so?
I ’ll give a special charge, good Master Witgood.
May I be bold to see her?

_Wit._ Who? the widow? 85
With all my heart, i’ faith, I ’ll bring you to her.

_Vin._ If she be a Staffordshire gentlewoman, ’t is much if I know
her not.

_Wit._ How now? Boy! drawer!

_Vin._ Hie! 90

[_Re-enter_ Boy.]

_Boy._ Do you call, sir?

_Wit._ Went the gentlewoman up that was here?

_Boy._ Up, sir? She went out, sir.

_Wit._ Out, sir? 95

_Boy._ Out, sir: one Master Hoard, with a guard of gentlemen, carried
her out at back door, a pretty while since, sir.

_Wit._ Hoard? Death and darkness! Hoard?

[_Re-enter_ Host.]

_Host._ The devil of ring I can find. 100

_Wit._ How now? What news? Where ’s the widow?

_Host._ My mistress? Is she not here, sir?

_Wit._ More madness yet!

_Host._ She sent me for a ring. 105

_Wit._ A plot, a plot!—To boat! She ’s stole away.

_Host._ What?

_Enter_ LUCRE _and_ Gentlemen.

_Wit._ Follow! Inquire old Hoard, my uncle’s adversary. [_Exit_ Host.]

_Luc._ Nephew, what ’s that? 110

_Wit._ Thrice-miserable wretch!

_Luc._ Why, what ’s the matter?

_Vin._ The widow ’s borne away, sir.

_Luc._ Ha? passion of me!—A heavy welcome, gentlemen.

_1 Gent._ The widow gone? 115

_Luc._ Who durst attempt it?

_Wit._ Who but old Hoard, my uncle’s adversary?

_Luc._ How?

_Wit._ With his confederates.

_Luc._ Hoard, my deadly-enemy?—Gentlemen, stand to me, 120
I will not bear it; ’t is in hate of me;
That villain seeks my shame, nay, thirsts my blood;
He owes me mortal malice.
I ’ll spend my wealth on this despiteful plot,
Ere he shall cross me and my nephew thus. 125

_Wit._ So maliciously!

_Re-enter_ Host.

_Luc._ How now, you treacherous rascal?

_Host._ That ’s none of my name, sir.

_Wit._ Poor soul, he knew not on ’t!

_Luc._ I ’m sorry. I see then ’t was a mere plot.

_Host._ I trac’d ’em nearly——

_Luc._ Well?

_Host._ And hear for certain 131
They have took Cole-Harbour.

_Luc._ The devil’s sanctuary!
They shall not rest; I ’ll pluck her from his arms—
Kind and dear gentlemen,
It ever I had seats within your breasts—— 135

_1 Gent._ No more, good sir; it is a wrong to us
To see you injur’d; in a cause so just
We ’ll spend our lives but we will right our friends.

_Luc._ Honest and kind! come we ’ve delay’d too long;
Nephew, take comfort; a just cause is strong.
_Exeunt_ [_all but_ WITGOOD]. 140

_Wit._ That ’s all my comfort, uncle. Ha, ha, ha!
Now may events fall luckily and well;
He that ne’er strives, says wit, shall ne’er excel. [_Exit._]

[SCENE IV.][3859]

_Enter_ DAMPIT, _the usurer_, _drunk_.

_Dam._ When did I say my prayers? In anno 88, when the great armada
was coming; and in anno 99, when the great thunder and lightning
was, I pray’d heartily then, i’ faith, to overthrow Poovies’ new
buildings; I kneeled by (5) my great iron chest, I remember.

[_Enter_ AUDREY.]

_Aud._ Master Dampit, one may hear you before they see you: you keep
sweet hours, Master Dampit; we were all a-bed three hours ago.

_Dam._ Audrey? 10

_Aud._ O, you ’re a fine gentleman!

_Dam._ So I am i’ faith, and a fine scholar. Do you use to go to bed
so early, Audrey?

_Aud._ Call you this early, Master Dampit?

_Dam._ Why, is ’t not one of clock i’ th’ (15) morning? Is not that
early enough? Fetch me a glass of fresh beer.

_Aud._ Here, I have warm’d your nightcap for you, Master Dampit.

_Dam._ Draw it on then. I am very weak (20) truly. I have not eaten so
much as the bulk of an egg these three days.

_Aud._ You have drunk the more, Master Dampit.

_Dam._ What ’s that? 25

_Aud._ You mought,[3860] an you would, Master Dampit.

_Dam._ I answer you, I cannot. Hold your prating; you prate too much,
and understand too little: are you answered? Give me a glass (30) of
beer.

_Aud._ May I ask you how you do, Master Dampit?

_Dam._ How do I? I’ faith, naught.

_Aud._ I ne’er knew you do otherwise. 35

_Dam._ I eat not one pen’north of bread these two years. Give me a
glass of fresh beer. I am not sick, nor I am not well.

_Aud._ Take this warm napkin about your neck, sir, whilst I help to
make you unready.[3861]

_Dam._ How now, Audrey-prater, with your scurvy devices, what say you
now? 42

_Aud._ What say I, Master Dampit? I say nothing, but that you are
very weak.

_Dam._ Faith, thou hast more cony-catching[3862] (45) devices than
all London.

_Aud._ Why, Master Dampit, I never deceiv’d you in all my life.

_Dam._ Why was that? Because I never did trust thee. 50

_Aud._ I care not what you say, Master Dampit.

_Dam._ Hold thy prating: I answer thee, thou art a beggar, a quean,
and a bawd: are you answer’d? 55

_Aud._ Fie, Master Dampit! a gentleman, and have such words?

_Dam._ Why, thou base drudge of infortunity, thou kitchen-stuff-drab
of beggary, roguery, and coxcombry, thou cavernesed quean of 60
foolery, knavery, and bawdreaminy, I ’ll tell thee what, I will not
give a louse for thy fortunes.

_Aud._ No, Master Dampit? and there ’s a gentleman comes a-wooing to
me, and he doubts[3863] (65) nothing but that you will get me from
him.

_Dam._ I? If I would either have thee or lie with thee for two
thousand pound, would I might be damn’d! Why, thou base, impudent
quean of foolery, flattery, and coxcombry, are (70) you answer’d?

_Aud._ Come, will you rise and go to bed, sir?

_Dam._ Rise, and go to bed too, Audrey? How does Mistress Proserpine?

_Aud._ Fooh! 75

_Dam._ She ’s as fine a philosopher of a stinkard’s wife, as any
within the liberties. Faugh, faugh, Audrey!

_Aud._ How now, Master Dampit?

_Dam._ Fie upon ’t, what a choice of stinks (80) here is! What hast
thou done, Audrey? Fie upon ’t, here ’s a choice of stinks indeed!
Give me a glass of fresh beer, and then I will to bed.

_Aud._ It waits for you above, sir. 85

_Dam._ Foh! I think they burn horns in Barnard’s Inn. If ever I smelt
such an abominable stink, usury forsake me. [_Exit._]

_Aud._ They be the stinking nails of his trampling feet, and he talks
of burning horns. _Exit._