Chapter CXVIII: Act I: Scene I.3906

_Enter_ ALSEMERO.

_Als._ ’T was in the temple where I first beheld her,
And now again the same: what omen yet
Follows of that? None but imaginary.
Why should my hopes or fate be timorous?
The place is holy, so is my intent: 5
I love her beauties to the holy purpose;
And that, methinks, admits comparison
With man’s first creation, the place blessed,[3907]
And is his right home back, if he achieve it.
The church hath first begun our interview, 10
And that ’s the place must join us into one;
So there ’s beginning and perfection too.

_Enter_ JASPERINO.

_Jas._ O sir, are you here? Come, the wind ’s fair with you;
You ’re like to have a swift and pleasant passage.

_Als._ Sure, you’re deceived, friend, ’t is contrary, 15
In my best judgment.

_Jas._ What, for Malta?
If you could buy a gale amongst the witches,[3908]
They could not serve you such a lucky pennyworth
As comes a’ God’s name.

_Als._ Even now I observ’d
The temple’s vane to turn full in my face; 20
I know it is against me.

_Jas._ Against you?
Then you know not where you are.

_Als._ Not well, indeed.

_Jas._ Are you not well, sir?

_Als._ Yes, Jasperino,
Unless there be some hidden malady
Within me, that I understand not.

_Jas._ And that 25
I begin to doubt, sir. I never knew
Your inclinations to travels at a pause
With any cause to hinder it, till now.
Ashore you were wont to call your servants up,
And help to trap your horses for the speed; 30
At sea I ’ve seen you weigh the anchor with ’em,
Hoist sails for fear to lose the foremost breath,
Be in continual prayers for fair winds;
And have you chang’d your orisons?

_Als._ No, friend;
I keep the same church, same devotion. 35

_Jas._ Lover I ’m sure you’re none; the stoic was
Found in you long ago; your mother nor
Best friends, who have set snares of beauty, ay,
And choice ones too, could never trap you that way.
What might be the cause?

_Als._ Lord, how violent 40
Thou art! I was but meditating of
Somewhat I heard within the temple.

_Jas._ Is this
Violence? ’T is but idleness compar’d
With your haste yesterday.

_Als._ I ’m all this while
A-going, man.

_Enter_ Servants.

_Jas._ Backwards, I think, sir. Look, 45
Your servants.

_1 Ser._ The seamen call; shall we board your trunks?

_Als._ No, not to-day.

_Jas._ ’T is the critical day, it seems, and the sign in Aquarius. 51

_2 Ser._ We must not to sea to-day; this smoke will bring forth fire.

_Als._ Keep all on shore; I do not know the end,
Which needs I must do, of an affair in hand 55
Ere I can go to sea.

_1 Ser._ Well, your pleasure.

_2 Ser._ Let him e’en take his leisure too; we are safer on land.
_Exeunt_ Servants.

_Enter_ BEATRICE, DIAPHANTA, _and_ Servants [ALSEMERO _accosts_ BEATRICE _and then kisses her_].

_Jas._ [_Aside._] How now? The laws of the Medes are chang’d sure;
salute a woman! He kisses too; wonderful! Where learnt he (61) this?
and does it perfectly too. In my conscience, he ne’er rehearst it
before. Nay, go on; this will be stranger and better news at Valencia
than if he had ransom’d half Greece from the Turk. 66

_Beat._ You are a scholar, sir?

_Als._ A weak one, lady.

_Beat._ Which of the sciences is this love you speak of?

_Als._ From your tongue I take it to be music.

_Beat._ You ’re skilful in it, can sing at first sight. 70

_Als._ And I have show’d you all my skill at once;
I want more words to express me further,
And must be forc’d to repetition;
I love you dearly.

_Beat._ Be better advis’d, sir:
Our eyes are sentinels unto our judgments, 75
And should give certain judgment what they see;
But they are rash sometimes, and tell us wonders
Of common things, which when our judgments find,
They can then check the eyes, and call them blind.

_Als._ But I am further, lady; yesterday 80
Was mine eyes’ employment, and hither now
They brought my judgment, where are both agreed.
Both houses then consenting, ’t is agreed;
Only there wants the confirmation
By the hand royal; that ’s your part, lady. 85

_Beat._ Oh, there ’s one above me, sir.—[_Aside._] For five days past
To be recall’d! Sure mine eyes were mistaken;
This was the man was meant me. That he should come
So near his time, and miss it!

_Jas._ We might have come by the carriers (90) from Valencia, I see,
and sav’d all our sea-provision; we are at farthest sure. Methinks I
should do something too;
I meant to be a venturer in this voyage.
Yonder’s another vessel, I ’ll board her; 95
If she be lawful prize, down goes her topsail.
[_Accosts_ DIAPHANTA.]

_Enter_ DE FLORES.

_De F._ Lady, your father——

_Beat._ Is in health, I hope.

_De F._ Your eye shall instantly instruct you, lady;
He ’s coming hitherward.

_Beat._ What needed then
Your duteous preface? I had rather 100
He had come unexpected; you must stall[3909]
A good presence with unnecessary blabbing;
And how welcome for your part you are,
I ’m sure you know.

_De F._ [_Aside._] Will ’t never mend, this scorn,
One side nor other? Must I be enjoin’d 105
To follow still whilst she flies from me? Well,
Fates, do your worst, I ’ll please myself with sight
Of her at all opportunities,
If but to spite her anger. I know she had
Rather see me dead than living; and yet 110
She knows no cause for ’t but a peevish will.

_Als._ You seem’d displeas’d, lady, on the sudden.

_Beat._ Your pardon, sir, ’t is my infirmity;
Nor can I other reason render you
Than his or hers, of[3910] some particular thing 115
They must abandon as a deadly poison,
Which to a thousand other tastes were wholesome;
Such to mine eyes is that same fellow there,
The same that report speaks of the basilisk.[3911]

_Als._ This is a frequent frailty in our nature;
There ’s scarce a man amongst a thousand found 121
But hath his imperfection: one distastes
The scent of roses, which to infinites
Most pleasing is and odoriferous;
One oil, the enemy of poison; 125
Another wine, the cheerer of the heart
And lively refresher of the countenance.
Indeed this fault, if so it be, is general;
There ’s scarce a thing but is both lov’d and loath’d: 129
Myself, I must confess, have the same frailty.

_Beat._ And what may be your poison, sir? I ’m bold with you.

_Als._ What[3912] might be your desire, perhaps; a cherry.

_Beat._ I am no enemy to any creature
My memory has, but yon gentleman.

_Als._ He does ill to tempt your sight, if he knew it. 135

_Beat._ He cannot be ignorant of that, sir,
I have not spar’d to tell him so; and I want
To help myself, since he ’s a gentleman
In good respect with my father, and follows him.

_Als._ He ’s out of his place then now. [_They talk apart._] 140

_Jas._ I am a mad wag, wench.

_Dia._ So methinks; but for your comfort, I can tell you, we have a
doctor in the city that undertakes the cure of such.

_Jas._ Tush, I know what physic is best for the state of mine own
body. 146

_Dia._ ’T is scarce a well-govern’d state, I believe.

_Jas._ I could show thee such a thing with an ingredient that we two
would compound together, (150) and if it did not tame the maddest
blood i’ th’ town for two hours after, I ’ll ne’er profess physic
again.

_Dia._ A little poppy, sir, were good to cause you sleep. 155

_Jas._ Poppy? I ’ll give thee a pop i’ th’ lips for that first, and
begin there. Poppy is one simple indeed, and cuckoo (what-you-call
’t) another. I ’ll discover no more now: another time I ’ll show thee
all. [_Exit._] 160

_Enter_ VERMANDERO _and_ Servants.

_Beat._ My father, sir.

_Ver._ O Joanna, I came to meet thee.
Your devotion ’s ended?

_Beat._ For this time, sir.—
[_Aside._] I shall change my saint, I fear me; I find
A giddy turning in me.—Sir, this while
I am beholding to this gentleman, 165
Who left his own way to keep me company,
And in discourse I find him much desirous
To see your castle. He hath deserv’d it, sir,
If ye please to grant it.

_Ver._ With all my heart, sir.
Yet there ’s an article between; I must know
Your country; we use not to give survey 171
Of our chief strengths to strangers; our citadels
Are plac’d conspicuous to outward view,
On promonts’[3913] tops, but within our secrets.

_Als._ A Valencian, sir.

_Ver._ A Valencian? 175
That ’s native, sir. Of what name, I beseech you?

_Als._ Alsemero, sir.

_Ver._ Alsemero? Not the son
Of John de Alsemero?

_Als._ The same, sir.

_Ver._ My best love bids you welcome.

_Beat._ He was wont
To call me so, and then he speaks a most 180
Unfeign’d truth.

_Ver._ O sir. I knew your father;
We two were in acquaintance long ago,
Before our chins were worth iulan[3914] down,
And so continued till the stamp of time
Had coin’d us into silver. Well, he ’s gone; 185
A good soldier went with him.

_Als._ You went together in that, sir.

_Ver._ No, by Saint Jacques, I came behind him;
Yet I ’ve done somewhat too: an unhappy day
Swallowed him at last at Gibraltar, 190
In fight with those rebellious Hollanders.
Was it not so?

_Als._ Whose death I had reveng’d,
Or followed him in fate, had not the late league
Prevented me.

_Ver._ Ay, ay, ’t was time to breathe.—
O Joanna, I should ha’ told thee news; 195
I saw Piracquo lately.

_Beat._ [_Aside._] That ’s ill news.

_Ver._ He ’s hot preparing for this day of triumph:
Thou must be a bride within this sevennight.

_Als._ [_Aside._] Ha!

_Beat._ Nay, good sir, be not so violent; with speed 200
I cannot render satisfaction
Unto the dear companion of my soul,
Virginity, whom I thus long have liv’d with,
And part with it so rude and suddenly.
Can such friends divide, never to meet again,
Without a solemn farewell?

_Ver._ Tush, tush! there ’s a toy.[3915] 206

_Als._ [_Aside._] I must now part, and never meet again
With any joy on earth.—Sir, your pardon;
My affairs call on me.

_Ver._ How, sir? By no means:
Not chang’d so soon, I hope? You must see my castle, 210
And her best entertainment, e’er we part;
I shall think myself unkindly us’d else.
Come, come, let ’s on; I had good hope your stay
Had been a while with us in Alicant;
I might have bid you to my daughter’s wedding. 215

_Als._ [_Aside._] He means to feast me, and poisons me beforehand.—
I should be dearly glad to be there, sir,
Did my occasions suit as I could wish.

_Beat._ I shall be sorry if you be not there
When it is done, sir; but not so suddenly. 220

_Ver._ I tell you, sir, the gentleman ’s complete,
A courtier and a gallant, enricht
With many fair and noble ornaments;
I would not change him for a son-in-law
For any he in Spain, the proudest he, 225
And we have great ones, that you know.

_Als._ He ’s much
Bound to you, sir.

_Ver._ He shall be bound to me
As fast as this tie can hold him; I ’ll want
My will else.

_Beat._ [_Aside._] I shall want mine, if you do it.

_Ver._ But come, by the way I ’ll tell you more of him. 230

_Als._ [_Aside._] How shall I dare to venture in his castle,
When he discharges murderers[3916] at the gate?
But I must on, for back I cannot go.

_Beat._ [_Aside._] Not this serpent gone yet? [_Drops a glove._]

_Ver._ Look, girl, thy glove ’s fallen.
Stay, stay; De Flores, help a little. 235

[_Exeunt_ VERMANDERO, ALSEMERO, _and_ Servants.]

_De F._ Here, lady. [_Offers her the glove._]

_Beat._ Mischief on your officious forwardness;
Who bade you stoop? They touch my hand no more:
There! For t’ other’s sake I part with this;
[_Takes off and throws down the other glove._]
Take ’em, and draw thine own skin off with ’em! 240
_Exit_ [_with_ DIAPHANTA _and_ Servants].

_De F._ Here ’s a favour come with a mischief now! I know
She had rather wear my pelt[3917] tann’d in a pair
Of dancing pumps, than I should thrust my fingers
Into her sockets here. I know she hates me,
Yet cannot choose but love her. No matter, 245
If but to vex her, I will haunt her still;
Though I get nothing else, I ’ll have my will. _Exit._

[SCENE II.][3918]

_Enter_ ALIBIUS _and_ LOLLIO.

_Alib._ Lollio, I must trust thee with a secret,
But thou must keep it.

_Lol._ I was ever close to a secret, sir.

_Alib._ The diligence that I have found in thee,
The care and industry already past, 5
Assures me of thy good continuance.
Lollio, I have a wife.

_Lol._ Fie, sir, ’t is too late to keep her secret; she ’s known to
be married all the town and country over. 10

_Alib._ Thou goest too fast, my Lollio. That knowledge
I allow no man can be barr’d it;
But there is a knowledge which is nearer,
Deeper, and sweeter, Lollio.

_Lol._ Well, sir, let us handle that between you and I. 15

_Alib._ ’T is that I go about, man. Lollio,
My wife is young.

_Lol._ So much the worse to be kept secret, sir.

_Alib._ Why, now thou meet’st the substance of the point;
I am old, Lollio. 20

_Lol._ No, sir, ’t is I am old Lollio.

_Alib._ Yet why may not this concord and sympathize?
Old trees and young plants often grow together,
Well enough agreeing. 24

_Lol._ Ay, sir, but the old trees raise themselves higher and broader
than the young plants.

_Alib._ Shrewd application! There ’s the fear, man;
I would wear my ring on my own finger;
Whilst it is borrowed, it is none of mine, 30
But his that useth it.

_Lol._ You must keep it on still then, if it but lie by, one or other
will be thrusting into ’t.

_Alib._ Thou conceiv’st me, Lollio; here thy watchful eye
Must have employment; I cannot always be 35
At home.

_Lol._ I dare swear you cannot.

_Alib._ I must look out.

_Lol._ I know ’t, you must look out; ’t is every man’s case.

_Alib._ Here, I do say, must thy employment be; 40
To watch her treadings, and in my absence
Supply my place.

_Lol._ I ’ll do my best, sir; yet surely I cannot
see who you should have cause to be jealous
of. 45

_Alib._ Thy reason for that, Lollio? It is
A comfortable question.

_Lol._ We have but two sorts of people in the
house, and both under the whip, that ’s fools[3919]
and madmen; the one has not wit enough to 50
be knaves, and the other not knavery enough
to be fools.

_Alib._ Ay, those are all my patients, Lollio;
I do profess the cure of either sort;
My trade, my living ’t is; I thrive by it; 55
But here ’s the care that mixes with my thrift:
The daily-visitants, that come to see
My brain-sick patients, I would not have
To see my wife. Gallants I do observe
Of quick enticing eyes, rich in habits, 60
Of stature and proportion very comely:
These are most shrewd temptations, Lollio.

_Lol._ They may be easily answered, sir; if
they come to see the fools and madmen, you
and I may serve the turn, and let my mistress 65
alone; she ’s of neither sort.

_Alib._ ’T is a good ward;[3920] indeed, come they to see
Our madmen or our fools, let ’em see no more
Than what they come for; by that consequent
They must not see her; I ’m sure she ’s no fool. 70

_Lol._ And I ’m sure she ’s no madman.

_Alib._ Hold that buckler fast; Lollio, my trust
Is on thee, and I account it firm and strong.
What hour is ’t, Lollio?

_Lol._ Towards belly-hour, sir.

_Alib._ Dinner-time? Thou mean’st twelve o’clock? 75

_Lol._ Yes, sir, for every part has his hour: we wake at six and
look about us, that ’s eye hour; at seven we should pray, that ’s
knee-hour: at eight walk, that’s leg-hour; at nine gather flowers and
pluck a rose,[3921] that ’s nose-hour; (80) at ten we drink, that ’s
mouth-hour; at eleven lay about us for victuals, that ’s hand-hour;
at twelve go to dinner, that ’s belly-hour.

_Alib._ Profoundly, Lollio! It will be long
Ere all thy scholars learn this lesson, and 85
I did look to have a new one ent’red;—stay,
I think my expectation is come home.

_Enter_ PEDRO, _and_ ANTONIO [_disguised_] _like an idiot_].

_Ped._ Save you, sir; my business speaks itself:
This sight takes off the labour of my tongue.

_Alib._ Ay, ay, sir, it is plain enough, you mean 90
Him for my patient.

_Ped._ And if your pains prove but commodious, to give but some
little strength to his sick and weak part of nature in him, these
are [_gives him money_] but patterns to show you (95) of the whole
pieces that will follow to you, beside the charge of diet, washing,
and other necessaries, fully defrayed.

_Alib._ Believe it, sir, there shall no care be wanting.

_Lol._ Sir, an officer in this place may deserve (100) something. The
trouble will pass through my hands.

_Ped._ ’T is fit something should come to your hands then, sir.
[_Gives him money._]

_Lol._ Yes, sir, ’t is I must keep him sweet, (105) and read to him:
what is his name?

_Ped._ His name is Antonio; marry, we use but half to him, only Tony.

_Lol._ Tony, Tony, ’t is enough, and a very good name for a
fool.—What ’s your name, (110) Tony?

_Ant._ He, he, he! well, I thank you, cousin; he, he, he!

_Lol._ Good boy! hold up your head.—He can laugh; I perceive by that
he is no beast. 115

_Ped._ Well, sir,
If you can raise him but to any height,
Any degree of wit; might he attain,
As I might say, to creep on but all four
Towards the chair of wit, or walk on crutches,
’T would add an honour to your worthy pains, 121
And a great family might pray for you,
To which he should be heir, had he discretion
To claim and guide his own. Assure you, sir,
He is a gentleman. 125

_Lol._ Nay, there ’s nobody doubted that; at first sight I knew him
for a gentleman, he looks no other yet.

_Ped._ Let him have good attendance and sweet lodging.

_Lol._ As good as my mistress lies in, sir; (130) and as you allow us
time and means, we can raise him to the higher degree of discretion.

_Ped._ Nay, there shall no cost want, sir.

_Lol._ He will hardly be stretcht up to the wit of a magnifico. 135

_Ped._ O no, that ’s not to be expected; far shorter will be enough.

_Lol._ I ’ll warrant you I ’ll make him fit to bear office in five
weeks; I ’ll undertake to wind him up to the wit of constable. 140

_Ped._ If it be lower than that, it might serve turn.

_Lol._ No, fie; to level him with a head-borough,[3922] beadle,
or watchman, were but little better than he is. Constable I ’ll
able[3923] him; (145) if he do come to be a justice afterwards, let
him thank the keeper: or I ’ll go further with you; say I do bring
him up to my own pitch, say I make him as wise as myself.

_Ped._ Why, there I would have it. 150

_Lol._ Well, go to; either I ’ll be as arrant a fool as he, or he
shall be as wise as I, and then I think ’t will serve his turn.

_Ped._ Nay, I do like thy wit passing well.

_Lol._ Yes, you may; yet if I had not been (155) a fool, I had had
more wit than I have too. Remember what state[3924] you found me in.

_Ped._ I will, and so leave you. Your best cares, I beseech you.
_Exit_ PEDRO.

_Alib._ Take you none with you, leave ’em (160) all with us.

_Ant._ O, my cousin ’s gone! cousin, cousin, O!

_Lol._ Peace, peace, Tony; you must not cry, child, you must be whipt
if you do; your cousin is here still; I am your cousin, Tony. 165

_Ant._ He, he! then I ’ll not cry, if thou be’st my cousin; he, he,
he!

_Lol._ I were best try his wit a little, that I may know what form to
place him in.

_Alib._ Ay, do, Lollio, do. 170

_Lol._ I must ask him easy questions at first.—Tony, how many
true[3925] fingers has a tailor on his right hand?

_Ant._ As many as on his left, cousin.

_Lol._ Good: and how many on both? 175

_Ant._ Two less than a deuce,[3926] cousin.

_Lol._ Very well answered. I come to you again, cousin Tony; how many
fools goes to a wise man?

_Ant._ Forty in a day sometimes, cousin. 180

_Lol._ Forty in a day? How prove you that?

_Ant._ All that fall out amongst themselves, and go to a lawyer to be
made friends.

_Lol._ A parlous fool! he must sit in the fourth form at least. I
perceive that.—I come (185) again, Tony; how many knaves make an
honest man?

_Ant._ I know not that, cousin.

_Lol._ No, the question is too hard for you. I ’ll tell you, cousin;
there ’s three knaves (190) may make an honest man,—a sergeant, a
jailor, and a beadle; the sergeant catches him, the jailor holds him,
and the beadle lashes him; and if he be not honest then, the hangman
must cure him. 195

_Ant._ Ha, ha, ha! that ’s fine sport, cousin.

_Alib._ This was too deep a question for the fool, Lollio.

_Lol._ Yes, this might have serv’d yourself, though I say ’t.—Once
more and you shall go play, Tony. 201

_Ant._ Ay, play at push-pin, cousin; ha, he!

_Lol._ So thou shalt: say how many fools are here——

_Ant._ Two, cousin; thou and I. 205

_Lol._ Nay, you ’re too forward there, Tony. Mark my question; how
many fools and knaves are here; a fool before a knave, a fool behind
a knave, between every two fools a knave; how many fools, how many
knaves? 210

_Ant._ I never learnt so far, cousin.

_Alib._ Thou puttest too hard questions to him, Lollio.

_Lol._ I ’ll make him understand it easily.—Cousin, stand there. 215

_Ant._ Ay, cousin.

_Lol._ Master, stand you next the fool.

_Alib._ Well, Lollio.

_Lol._ Here ’s my place. Mark now, Tony, there’s a fool before a
knave. 220

_Ant._ That ’s I, cousin.

_Lol._ Here ’s a fool behind a knave, that ’s I; and between us two
fools there is a knave, that ’s my master, ’t is but we three, that’s
all.

_Ant._ We three, we three, cousin. 225

Madmen _within_.

_1 Mad._ [_within._] Put ’s head i’ th’ pillory, the bread ’s too
little.

_2 Mad._ [_within._] Fly, fly, and he catches the swallow.

_3 Mad._ [_within._] Give her more onion, or the devil put the rope
about her crag.[3927] 231

_Lol._ You may hear what time of day it is, the chimes of Bedlam goes.

_Alib._ Peace, peace, or the wire[3928] comes!

_3 Mad._ [_within._] Cat whore, cat whore! her permasant, her
permasant![3929] 236

_Alib._ Peace, I say!—Their hour ’s come, they must be fed, Lollio.

_Lol._ There ’s no hope of recovery of that Welsh madman; was undone
by a mouse that spoil’d him a permasant; lost his wits for ’t. 241

_Alib._ Go to your charge, Lollio; I ’ll to mine.

_Lol._ Go you to your madmen’s ward, let me alone with your fools. 245

_Alib._ And remember my last charge, Lollio. _Exit._

_Lol._ Of which your patients do you think I am? Come, Tony, you
must amongst your school-fellows now; there ’s pretty scholars 250
amongst ’em, I can tell you; there ’s some of ’em at _stultus,
stulta, stultum._

_Ant._ I would see the madmen, cousin, if they would not bite me.

_Lol._ No, they shall not bite thee, Tony. 255

_Ant._ They bite when they are at dinner, do
they not, coz?

_Lol._ They bite at dinner, indeed, Tony. Well, I hope to get credit
by thee; I like thee the best of all the scholars that ever I 260
brought up, and thou shalt prove a wise man, or I ’ll prove a fool
myself. _Exeunt._