Chapter LII: Act IV: Scene I.1680

[_Enter_] SIR POLITIC WOULD-BE, PEREGRINE.

_Sir P._ I told you, sir, it was a plot; you see
What observation is! You mention’d me
For some instructions: I will tell you, sir,
(Since we are met here in this height of Venice.)
Some few particulars I have set down, 5
Only for this meridian, fit to be known
Of your crude traveller; and they are these.
I will not touch, sir, at your phrase, or clothes,
For they are old.

_Per._ Sir, I have better.

_Sir P._ Pardon,
I meant, as they are themes.

_Per._ O, sir, proceed: 10
I ’ll slander you no more of wit, good sir.

_Sir P._ First, for your garb, it must be grave and serious,
Very reserv’d and lockt; not tell a secret
On any terms, not to your father; scarce
A fable, but with caution: make sure choice 15
Both of your company and discourse; beware
You never speak a truth——

_Per._ How!

_Sir P._ Not to strangers,
For those be they you must converse with most;
Others I would not know, sir, but at distance
So as I still might be a saver in them: 20
You shall have tricks else past upon you hourly.
And then, for your religion, profess none,
But wonder at the diversity of all;
And, for your part, protest, were there no other
But simply the laws o’ th’ land, you could content you. 25
Nic. Machiavel and Monsieur Bodin,[1681] both
Were of this mind. Then must you learn the use
And handling of your silver fork at meals,
The metal of your glass; (these are main matters
With your Italian;) and to know the hour 30
When you must eat your melons and your figs.

_Per._ Is that a point of state too?

_Sir P._ Here it is:
For your Venetian, if he see a man
Preposterous in the least, he has him straight;
He has; he strips him. I ’ll acquaint you, sir. 35
I now have liv’d here ’t is some fourteen months:
Within the first week of my landing here,
All took me for a citizen of Venice,
I knew the forms so well——

_Per._ [_Aside._] And nothing else.

_Sir P._ I had read Contarene,[1682] took me a house, 40
Dealt with my Jews to furnish it with movables—
Well, if I could but find one man, one man
To mine own heart, whom I durst trust, I would——

_Per._ What, what, sir?

_Sir P._ Make him rich; make him a fortune:
He should not think again. I would command it. 45

_Per._ As how?

_Sir P._ With certain projects that I have;
Which I may not discover.

_Per._ [Aside.] If I had
But one to wager with, I would lay odds now,
He tells me instantly.

_Sir P._ One is, and that
I care not greatly who knows, to serve the state
Of Venice with red herrings for three years, 51
And at a certain rate, from Rotterdam,
Where I have correspondence. There ’s a letter,
Sent me from one o’ th’ states, and to that purpose:
He cannot write his name, but that ’s his mark. 55

_Per._ He is a chandler?

_Sir P._ No, a cheesemonger.
There are some others too with whom I treat
About the same negotiation;
And I will undertake it: for ’t is thus.
I ’ll do ’t with ease, I have cast[1683] it all. Your hoy[1684] 60
Carries but three men in her, and a boy;
And she shall make me three returns a year:
So if there come but one of three, I save;
If two, I can defalk:[1685]—but this is now,
If my main project fail.

_Per._ Then you have others? 65

_Sir P._ I should be loth to draw the subtle air
Of such a place, without my thousand aims.
I ’ll not dissemble, sir: where’er I come,
I love to be considerative; and ’t is true,
I have at my free hours thought upon 70
Some certain goods unto the state of Venice,
Which I do call my Cautions; and, sir, which
I mean, in hope of pension, to propound
To the Great Council, then unto the Forty, 75
So to the Ten. My means are made already——

_Per._ By whom?

_Sir P._ Sir, one that though his place be obscure,
Yet he can sway, and they will hear him. He ’s
A _commandadore_.

_Per._ What! a common serjeant?

_Sir P._ Sir, such as they are, put it in their mouths,
What they should say, sometimes; as well as greater: 80
I think I have my notes to show you——
[_Searching his pockets._]

_Per._ Good sir.

_Sir P._ But you shall swear unto me, on your gentry,
Not to anticipate——

_Per._ I, sir!

_Sir P._ Nor reveal
A circumstance——My paper is not with me.

_Per._ O, but you can remember, sir.

_Sir P._ My first is 85
Concerning tinder-boxes. You must know,
No family is here without its box.
Now, sir, it being so portable a thing,
Put case, that you or I were ill affected
Unto the state, sir; with it in our pockets, 90
Might not I go into the Arsenal,
Or you come out again, and none the wiser?

_Per._ Except yourself, sir.

_Sir P._ Go to, then. I therefore
Advertise to the state, how fit it were
That none but such as were known patriots, 95
Sound lovers of their country, should be suffer’d
T’ enjoy them in their houses; and even those
Seal’d at some office, and at such a bigness
As might not lurk in pockets.

_Per._ Admirable!

_Sir P._ My next is, how t’ inquire, and be resolv’d 100
By present demonstration, whether a ship,
Newly arriv’d from Soria,[1686] or from
Any suspected part of all the Levant,
Be guilty of the plague: and where they use
To lie out forty, fifty days, sometimes, 105
About the Lazaretto, for their trial;
I ’ll save that charge and loss unto the merchant,
And in an hour clear the doubt.

_Per._ Indeed, sir!

_Sir P._ Or——I will lose my labour.

_Per._ My faith, that ’s much.

_Sir. P._ Nay, sir, conceive me. It will cost me in onions, 110
Some thirty livres——

_Per._ Which is one pound sterling.

_Sir P._ Beside my waterworks: for this I do, sir.
First, I bring in your ship ’twixt two brick walls;
But those the state shall venture. On the one
I strain me a fair tarpauling, and in that 115
I stick my onions, cut in halves; the other
Is full of loopholes, out of which I thrust
The noses of my bellows; and those bellows
I keep, with waterworks, in perpetual motion,
Which is the easiest matter of a hundred. 120
Now, sir, your onion, which doth naturally
Attract th’ infection, and your bellows blowing
The air upon him, will show instantly,
By his chang’d colour, if there be contagion;
Or else remain as fair as at the first 125
Now it is known, ’t is nothing.

_Per._ You are right, sir.

_Sir P._ I would I had my note.

_Per._ Faith, so would I:
But you ha’ done well for once, sir.

_Sir P._ Were I false,
Or would be made so, I could show you reasons
How I could sell this state now to the Turk, 130
Spite of their galleys, or their——
[_Examining his papers._]

_Per._ Pray you, Sir Pol.

_Sir P._ I have ’em not about me.

_Per._ That I fear’d.
They are there, sir?

_Sir P._ No, this is my diary,
Wherein I note my actions of the day. 134

_Per._ Pray you let ’s see, sir. What is here? _Notandum_, [_Reads._]
“A rat had gnawn my spur-leathers; notwithstanding,
I put on new, and did go forth; but first
I threw three beans over the threshold. Item,
I went and bought two toothpicks, whereof one
I burst immediately, in a discourse 140
With a Dutch merchant, ’bout _ragion’ del stato_.[1687]
From him I went and paid a _moccinigo_[1688]
For piecing my silk stockings; by the way
I cheapen’d[1689] sprats; and at St. Mark’s I urin’d.”
’Faith these are politic notes!

_Sir P._ Sir, I do slip 145
No action of my life, but thus I quote[1690] it.

_Per._ Believe me, it is wise!

_Sir P._ Nay, sir, read forth.

SCENE II.[1691]

[_Enter, at a distance._] LADY POLITIC WOULD-BE, NANO, [_and two_ Waiting]-women.

_Lady P._ Where should this loose knight be, trow? Sure he ’s hous’d.

_Nan._ Why, then he ’s fast.

_Lady P._ Ay, he plays both[1692] with me.
I pray you stay. This heat will do more harm
To my complexion than his heart is worth.
(I do not care to hinder, but to take him.) 5
How it comes off! [_Rubbing her cheeks._]

_1 Wom._ My master ’s yonder.

_Lady P._ Where?

_2 Wom._ With a young gentleman.

_Lady P._ That same ’s the party:
In man’s apparel! Pray you, sir, jog my knight:
I will be tender to his reputation,
However he demerit.

_Sir P._ [_seeing her_] My lady!

_Per._ Where? 10

_Sir P._ ’T is she indeed, sir; you shall know her. She is,
Were she not mine, a lady of that merit,
For fashion and behaviour; and for beauty
I durst compare——

_Per._ It seems you are not jealous,
That dare commend her.

_Sir P._ Nay, and for discourse—— 15

_Per._ Being your wife, she cannot miss that.

_Sir. P._ [_introducing_ PER.] Madam,
Here is a gentleman, pray you, use him fairly;
He seems a youth, but he is——

_Lady P._ None.

_Sir P._ Yes one
Has put his face as soon into the world——

_Lady P._ You mean, as early? But to-day?

_Sir P._ How ’s this? 20

_Lady P._ Why, in this habit, sir; you apprehend me.
Well, Master Would-be, this doth not become you;
I had thought the odour, sir, of your good name
Had been more precious to you; that you would not
Have done this dire massacre on your honour;
One of your gravity, and rank besides! 26
But knights, I see, care little for the oath
They make to ladies; chiefly their own ladies.

_Sir P._ Now, by my spurs, the symbol of my knighthood——

_Per._ [_Aside._] Lord, how his brain is humbl’d for an oath! 30

_Sir P._ I reach[1693] you not.

_Lady P._ Right, sir, your polity
May bear it through thus. Sir, a word with you.

[_To_ PER.]

I would be loth to contest publicly
With any gentlewoman, or to seem
Froward, or violent, as the courtier says; 35
It comes too near rusticity in a lady,
Which I would shun by all means: and however
I may deserve from Master Would-be, yet
T’ have one fair gentlewoman thus be made
The unkind instrument to wrong another, 40
And one she knows not, ay, and to perséver;
In my poor judgment, is not warranted
From being a solecism in our sex,
If not in manners.

_Per._ How is this!

_Sir P._ Sweet madam,
Come nearer to your aim.

_Lady P._ Marry, and will, sir. 45
Since you provoke me with your impudence,
And laughter of your light land-syren here,
Your Sporus, your hermaphrodite——

_Per._ What ’s here?
Poetic fury and historic storms! 49

_Sir P._ The gentleman, believe it, is of worth
And of our nation.

_Lady P._ Ay, your Whitefriars nation.[1694]
Come, I blush for you. Master Would-be, I;
And am asham’d you should ha’ no more fore-head
Than thus to be the patron, or St. George,
To a lewd harlot, a base fricatrice,[1695] 55
A female devil, in a male outside.

_Sir P._ Nay,
An you be such a one, I must bid adieu
To your delights. The case appears too liquid. [_Exit._]

_Lady P._ Ay, you may carry ’t clear, with you state-face!
But for your carnival concupiscence, 60
Who here is fled for liberty of conscience,
From furious persecution of the marshal,
Her will I disc’ple.[1696]

_Per._ This is fine, i’ faith!
And do you use this often? Is this part
Of your wit’s exercise, ’gainst you have occasion? 65
Madam——

_Lady P._ Go to, sir.

_Per._ Do you hear me, lady?
Why, if your knight have set you to beg shirts,
Or to invite me home, you might have done it
A nearer way by far.

_Lady P._ This cannot work you
Out of my snare.

_Per._ Why, am I in it, then? 70
Indeed your husband told me you were fair,
And so you are; only your nose inclines,
That side that ’s next the sun, to the queen-apple.[1697]

_Lady P._ This cannot be endur’d by any patience.

SCENE III.[1698]

[_To them enter_] MOSCA.

_Mos._ What is the matter, madam?

_Lady P._ If the senate
Right not my quest in this, I will protest ’em
To all the world no aristocracy.

_Mos._ What is the injury, lady?

_Lady P._ Why, the callet[1695]
You told me of, here I have ta’en disguis’d. 5

_Mos._ Who? this! what means your ladyship? The creature
I mention’d to you is apprehended now,
Before the senate; you shall see her——

_Lady P._ Where?

_Mos._ I ’ll bring you to her. This young gentleman,
I saw him land this morning at the port. 10

_Lady P._ Is ’t possible! how has my judgment wander’d?
Sir, I must, blushing, say to you, I have err’d;
And plead your pardon.

_Per._ What, more changes yet!

_Lady P._ I hope you ha’ not the malice to remember
A gentlewoman’s passion. If you stay 15
In Venice here, please you to use me, sir——

_Mos._ Will you go, madam?

_Lady P._ Pray you, sir, use me; in faith.
The more you see me the more I shall conceive
You have forgot our quarrel.
[_Exeunt_ LADY WOULD-BE, MOSCA, NANO, _and_ Waiting-women.]

_Per._ This is rare!
Sir Politic Would-be? No, Sir Politic Bawd, 20
To bring me thus acquainted with his wife!
Well, wise Sir Pol, since you have practis’d thus
Upon my freshman-ship, I ’ll try your salt-head,
What proof it is against a counter-plot.
[_Exit._]

SCENE IV.[1699]

[_Enter_] VOLTORE, CORBACCIO, CORVINO, MOSCA.

_Volt._ Well, now you know the carriage of the business,
Your constancy is all that is requir’d
Unto the safety of it.

_Mos._ Is the lie
Safely convey’d[1700] amongst us? Is that sure?
Knows every man his burden?

_Corv._ Yes.

_Mos._ Then shrink not. 5

_Corv._ But knows the advocate the truth?

_Mos._ O, sir,
By no means; I devis’d a formal tale,
That salv’d your reputation. But be valiant, sir.

_Corv._ I fear no one but him that this his pleading
Should make him stand for a co-heir——

_Mos._ Co-halter! 10
Hang him; we will but use his tongue, his noise,
As we do croaker’s[1701] here.

_Corv._ Ay, what shall he do?

_Mos._ When we ha’ done, you mean?

_Corv._ Yes.

_Mos._ Why, we ’ll think;
Sell him for mummia:[1702] he ’s half dust already.——
Do you not smile, (_to_ VOLTORE) to see this buffalo,[1703] 16
How he doth sport it with his head? [_Aside._] I should,
If all were well and past.—Sir, (_to_ CORBACCIO) only you
Are he that shall enjoy the crop of all,
And these not know for whom they toil.

_Corb._ Ay, peace.

_Mos._ (_turning to_ CORVINO.) But you shall eat
it. [_Aside._] Much!—Worshipful sir, (_to_ VOLTORE) 20
Mercury sit upon your thund’ring tongue,
Or the French Hercules, and make your language
As conquering as his club, to beat along,
As with a tempest, flat, our adversaries;
But much more yours, sir.

_Volt._ Here they come, ha’ done. 25

_Mos._ I have another witness, if you need, sir,
I can produce.

_Volt._ Who is it?

_Mos._ Sir, I have her.

SCENE V.[1704]

[_Enter_] 4 Avocatori, [_and take their seats_,] BONARIO, CELIA, Notario, Commandadori, Saffi, _and other_ Officers of Justice.]

_1 Avoc._ The like of this the senate never heard of.

_2 Avoc._ ’T will come most strange to them when we report it.

_4 Avoc._ The gentlewoman has been ever held
Of unreproved name.

_3 Avoc._ So has the youth.

_4 Avoc._ The more unnatural part that of his father. 5

_2 Avoc._ More of the husband.

_1 Avoc._ I not know to give
His act a name, it is so monstrous!

_4 Avoc._ But the impostor, he ’s a thing created.
T’ exceed example!

_1 Avoc._ And all after-times!

_2 Avoc._ I never heard a true voluptuary 10
Describ’d but him.

_3 Avoc._ Appear yet those were cited?

_Not._ All but the old magnifico, Volpone.

_1 Avoc._ Why is not he here?

_Mos._ Please your fatherhoods,
Here is his advocate: himself ’s so weak,
So feeble——

_4 Avoc._ Who are you?

_Bon._ His parasite, 15
His knave, his pander. I beseech the court
He may be forc’d to come, that your grave eyes
May bear strong witness of his strange impostures.

_Volt._ Upon my faith and credit with your virtues.
He is not able to endure the air. 20

_2 Avoc._ Bring him.

_3 Avoc._ We will see him.

_4 Avoc._ Fetch him.

_Volt._ Your fatherhoods’ fit pleasures be obey’d;
[_Exeunt_ Officers.]
But sure, the sight will rather move your pities
Than indignation. May it please the court,
In the mean time, he may be heard in me. 25
I know this place most void of prejudice,
And therefore crave it, since we have no reason
To fear our truth should hurt our cause.

_3 Avoc._ Speak free.

_Volt._ Then know, most honour’d fathers, I must now
Discover to your strangely abus’d ears, 30
The most prodigious and most frontless piece
Of solid impudence, and treachery,
That ever vicious nature yet brought forth
To shame the state of Venice. This lewd woman,
That wants no artificial looks or tears 35
To help the vizor she has now put on,
Hath long been known a close adulteress
To that lascivious youth there; not suspected,
I say, but known, and taken in the act 40
With him; and by this man, the easy husband,
Pardon’d; whose timeless bounty makes him now
Stand here, the most unhappy, innocent person,
That ever man’s own goodness made accus’d.
For these not knowing how to owe a gift
Of that dear grace, but with their shame; being plac’d 45
So above all powers of their gratitude,
Began to hate the benefit; and in place
Of thanks, devise t’ extirp the memory
Of such an act: wherein I pray your fatherhoods
To observe the malice, yea, the rage of creatures 50
Discover’d in their evils: and what heart
Such take, ev’n from their crimes:—but that anon
Will more appear.—This gentleman, the father,
Hearing of this foul fact, with many others,
Which daily struck at his too tender ears, 55
And griev’d in nothing more than that he could not
Preserve himself a parent (his son’s ills
Growing to that strange flood), at last decreed
To disinherit him.

_1 Avoc._ These be strange turns!

_2 Avoc._ The young man’s fame was ever fair and honest. 60

_Volt._ So much more full of danger is his vice,
That can beguile so, under shade of virtue,
But, as I said, my honour’d sires, his father
Having this settled purpose, by what means
To him betray’d, we know not, and this day 65
Appointed for the deed; that parricide,
I cannot style him better, by confederacy
Preparing this his paramour to be there,
Ent’red Volpone’s house (who was the man,
Your fatherhoods must understand, design’d 70
For the inheritance), there sought his father:—
But with what purpose sought he him, my lords?
I tremble to pronounce it, that a son
Unto a father, and to such a father,
Should have so foul, felonious intent! 75
It was to murder him: when being prevented
By his more happy absence, what then did he?
Not check his wicked thoughts; no, now new deeds;
(Mischief doth never end where it begins)
An act of horror, fathers! He dragg’d forth 80
The aged gentleman that had there lain bed-rid
Three years and more, out of his innocent couch,
Naked upon the floor; there left him; wounded
His servant in the face; and with this strumpet,
The stale[1705] to his forg’d practice, who was glad
To be so active,—(I shall here desire 85
Your fatherhoods to note but my collections,
As most remarkable,—) thought at once to stop
His father’s ends, discredit his free choice
In the old gentleman, redeem themselves, 90
By laying infamy upon this man,
To whom, with blushing, they should owe their lives.

_1 Avoc._ What proofs have you of this?

_Bon._ Most honour’d fathers,
I humbly crave there be no credit given
To this man’s mercenary tongue.

_2 Avoc._ Forbear. 95

_Bon._ His soul moves in his fee.

_3 Avoc._ O, sir.

_Bon._ This fellow,
For six sols[1706] more would plead against his Maker.

_1 Avoc._ You do forget yourself.

_Volt._ Nay, nay, grave fathers,
Let him have scope: can any man imagine 99
That he will spare his accuser, that would not
Have spar’d his parent?

_1 Avoc._ Well, produce your proofs.

_Cel._ I would I could forget I were a creature.

_Volt._ Signior Corbaccio!
[CORBACCIO _comes forward._]

_4 Avoc._ What is he?

_Volt._ The father.

_2 Avoc._ Has he had an oath?

_Not._ Yes.

_Corb._ What must I do now? 104

_Not._ Your testimony’s crav’d.

_Corb._ Speak to the knave?
I ’ll ha’ my mouth first stopt with earth; my heart
Abhors his knowledge: I disclaim in[1707] him.

_1 Avoc._ But for what cause?

_Corb._ The mere portent of nature!
He is an utter stranger to my loins. 109

_Bon._ Have they made you to[1708] this?

_Corb._ I will not hear thee,
Monster of men, swine, goat, wolf, parricide!
Speak not, thou viper.

_Bon._ Sir, I will sit down.
And rather wish my innocence should suffer
Than I resist the authority of a father. 114

_Volt._ Signior Corvino!
[CORVINO _comes forward._]

_2 Avoc._ This is strange.

_1 Avoc._ Who ’s this?

_Not._ The husband.

_4 Avoc._ Is he sworn?

_Not._ He is.

_3 Avoc._ Speak then.

_Corv._ This woman, please your fatherhoods, is a whore,
Of most hot exercise, more than a partridge,
Upon record——-

_1 Avoc._ No more.

_Corv._ Neighs like a jennet. 119

_Not._ Preserve the honour of the court.

_Corv._ I shall,
And modesty of your most reverend ears,
And yet I hope that I may say, these eyes
Have seen her glu’d unto that piece of cedar,
That fine well timber’d gallant: and that here
The letters maybe read, thorough the horn,[1709] 125
That make the story perfect.

_Mos._ Excellent! sir.

_Corv._ [_Aside to_ MOSCA.] There is no shame in this now, is there?

_Mos._ None.

_Corv._ Or if I said, I hop’d that she were onward
To her damnation, if there be a hell
Greater than whore and woman, a good Catholic 130
May make the doubt.

_3 Avoc._ His grief hath made him frantic.

_1 Avoc._ Remove him hence.

_2 Avoc._ Look to the woman. CELIA _swoons_.

_Corv._ Rare!
Prettily feign’d again!

_4 Avoc._ Stand from about her.

_1 Avoc._ Give her the air.

_3 Avoc._ What can you say? [_To_ MOSCA.]

_Mos._ My wound,
May it please your wisdoms, speaks for me, receiv’d 135
In aid of my good patron, when he mist
His sought-for father, when that well-taught dame
Had her cue giv’n her to cry out, “A rape!”

_Bon._ O most laid[1710] impudence! Fathers—

_3 Avoc._ Sir, be silent; 139
You had your hearing free, so must they theirs.

_2 Avoc._ I do begin to doubt th’ imposture here.

_4 Avoc._ This woman has too many moods.

_Volt._ Grave fathers,
She is a creature of a most profest
And prostituted lewdness.

_Corv._ Most impetuous, 144
Unsatisfi’d, grave fathers!

_Volt._ May her feignings
Not take your wisdoms: but this day she baited
A stranger, a grave knight, with her loose eyes,
And more lascivious kisses. This man saw ’em
Together on the water, in a gondola.

_Mos._ Here is the lady herself, that saw them too, 150
Without; who then had in the open streets
Pursu’d them, but for saving her knight’s honour.

_1 Avoc._ Produce that lady.

_2 Avoc._ Let her come. [_Exit_ MOSCA.]

_4 Avoc._ These things,
They strike with wonder.

_3 Avoc._ I am turn’d a stone.

SCENE VI.[1711]

[_To them re-enter_] MOSCA [_with_] LADY WOULD-BE.

_Mos._ Be resolute, madam.

_Lady P._ Ay, this same is she.
[_Pointing to_ CELIA.]
Out, thou chameleon harlot! now thine eyes
Vie tears with the hyena. Dar’st thou look
Upon my wronged face? I cry your pardons,
I fear I have forgettingly transgrest 5
Against the dignity of the court——

_2 Avoc._ No, madam.

_Lady P._ And been exorbitant——

_2 Avoc._ You have not, lady.

_4 Avoc._ These proofs are strong.

_Lady P._ Surely, I had no purpose
To scandalize your honours, or my sex’s.

_3 Avoc._ We do believe it.

_Lady P._ Surely you may believe it. 10

_2 Avoc._ Madam, we do.

_Lady P._ Indeed you may; my breeding
Is not so coarse——

_4 Avoc._ We know it.

_Lady P._ To offend
With pertinacy——

_3 Avoc._ Lady——

_Lady P._ Such a presence!
No surely.

_1 Avoc._ We will think it.

_Lady P._ You may think it.

_1 Avoc._ Let her o’ercome. What witnesses have you, 15
To make good your report?

_Bon._ Our consciences.

_Cel._ And heaven, that never fails the innocent.

_1 Avoc._ These are no testimonies.

_Bon._ Not in your courts,
Where multitude and clamour overcomes.

_1 Avoc._ Nay, then you do wax insolent.

VOLPONE _is brought in, as impotent._

_Volt._ Here, here, 20
The testimony comes that will convince,
And put to utter dumbness their bold tongues!
See here, grave fathers, here ’s the ravisher,
The rider on men’s wives, the great impostor,
The grand voluptuary! Do you not think 25
These limbs should affect venery? or these eyes
Covet a concubine? Pray you mark these hands;
Are they not fit to stroke a lady’s breasts?
Perhaps he doth dissemble!

_Bon._ So he does.

_Volt._ Would you ha’ him tortur’d?

_Bon._ I would have him prov’d. 30

_Volt._ Best try him then with goads, or burning irons;
Put him to the strappado: I have heard
The rack hath cur’d the gout; faith, give it him,
And help him of a malady; be courteous. 34
I’ll undertake, before these honour’d fathers,
He shall have yet as many left diseases,
As she has known adulterers, or thou strumpets.
O, my most equal hearers, if these deeds,
Acts of this bold and most exorbitant strain,
May pass with suff’rance, what one citizen 40
But owes the forfeit of his life, yea, fame,
To him that dares traduce him? Which of you
Are safe, my honour’d fathers? I would ask,
With leave of your grave fatherhoods, if their plot
Have any face or colour like to truth? 45
Or if, unto the dullest nostril here,
It smell not rank, and most abhorred slander?
I crave your care of this good gentleman,
Whose life is much endanger’d by their fable;
And as for them, I will conclude with this, 50
That vicious persons, when they’re hot, and flesh’d
In impious acts, their constancy[1712] abounds:
Damn’d deeds are done with greatest confidence.

_1 Avoc._ Take ’em to custody, and sever them.

_2 Avoc._ ’T is pity two such prodigies should live. 55

_1 Avoc._ Let the old gentleman be return’d with care.
[_Exeunt_ Officers _with_ VOLPONE.]
I’m sorry our credulity wrong’d him.

_4 Avoc._ These are two creatures!

_3 Avoc._ I’ve an earthquake in me.

_2 Avoc._ Their shame, ev’n in their cradles, fled their faces.

_4 Avoc._ You have done a worthy service to the state, sir, 60
In their discovery. [_To_ VOLT.]

_1 Avoc._ You shall hear, ere night,
What punishment the court decrees upon ’em.
[_Exeunt_ Avocat., Not., _and_ Officers _with_ BONARIO _and_ CELIA.]

_Volt._ We thank your fatherhoods. How like you it?

_Mos._ Rare.
I’d ha’ your tongue, sir, tipt with gold for this;
I’d ha’ you be the heir to the whole city; 65
The earth I’d have want men ere you want living:
They ’re bound to erect your statue in St. Mark’s.
Signior Corvino, I would have you go
And show yourself that you have conquer’d.

_Corv._ Yes.

_Mos._ It was much better that you should profess 70
Yourself a cuckold thus, than that the other
Should have been prov’d.

_Corv._ Nay, I consider’d that:
Now it is her fault.

_Mos._ Then it had been yours.

_Corv._ True; I do doubt this advocate still.

_Mos._ I’ faith.
You need not, I dare ease you of that care. 75

_Corv._ I trust thee, Mosca. [_Exit._]

_Mos._ As your own soul, sir.

_Corb._ Mosca!

_Mos._ Now for your business, sir.

_Corb._ How! ha’ you business?

_Mos._ Yes, yours, sir.

_Corb._ O, none else?

_Mos._ None else, not I.

_Corb._ Be careful then.

_Mos._ Rest you with both your eyes, sir.

_Corb._ Dispatch it.

_Mos._ Instantly.

_Corb._ And look that all, 80
Whatever, be put in, jewels, plate, moneys,
Household stuff, bedding, curtains.

_Mos._ Curtain-rings, sir:
Only the advocate’s fee must be deducted.

_Corb._ I’ll pay him now; you’ll be too prodigal.

_Mos._ Sir, I must tender it.

_Corb._ Two chequins is well. 85

_Mos._ No, six, sir.

_Corb._ ’Tis too much.

_Mos._ He talk’d a great while;
You must consider that, sir.

_Corb._ Well, there ’s three——

_Mos._ I’ll give it him.

_Corb._ Do so, and there ’s for thee. [_Exit._]

_Mos._ [_Aside._] Bountiful bones! What horrid strange offence
Did he commit ’gainst nature, in his youth, 90
Worthy this age?—You see, sir, [_to_ VOLT] how I work
Unto your ends; take you no notice.

_Volt._ No,
I’ll leave you.

_Mos._ All is yours, the devil and all,
Good advocate!—Madam, I’ll bring you home.

_Lady P._ No, I’ll go see your patron.

_Mos._ That you shall not: 95
I’ll tell you why. My purpose is to urge
My patron to reform his will, and for
The zeal you’ve shown to-day, whereas before
You were but third or fourth, you shall be now 99
Put in the first; which would appear as begg’d
If you were present. Therefore——

_Lady P._ You shall sway me. [_Exeunt._]