Chapter VII: Act IV: ENTER Amphitryon WEARILY

_Amph._

Naucratem quem convenire volui, in navi non erat,
neque domi neque in urbe invenio quemquam qui illum viderit. 1010
nam omnis plateas perreptavi, gymnasia et myropolia;
apud emporium atque in macello, in palaestra atque in foro,
in medicinis, in tonstrinis, apud omnis aedis sacras
sum defessus quaeritando. nusquam invenio Naucratem.

Naucrates, whom I wanted to get hold of wasn’t on the ship,
and not a soul can I find at his house or in the city who
has seen him. Why, I’ve hobbled through every street,
gymnasium, and perfumery shop: down in the bazaar and the
market, at the athletic field and the forum, too, at the
doctor’s, the barber’s, the holy temples from first to
last,--I’m tired to death looking for him and not a sign of
Naucrates anywhere.

nunc domum ibo atque ex uxore hanc rem pergam exquirere,
quis fuerit quem propter corpus suom stupri compleverit
nam me, quam illam quaestionem inquisitam hodie amittere,
mortuom satrust. sed aedis occluserunt. eugepae,
pariter hoc fit atque ut alia facta sunt. feriam foris.
aperite hoc. heus, ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? 1020

Now I’m going home and ask my wife some more questions
about this, and (_savagely_) find out who it is she has
prostituted herself for. Ah, I’d sooner die than let the
day pass without having this matter settled. (_trying door_)
Well! they’ve locked up the house! Nice doings! Quite in
accord with the rest of it. I’ll knock. (_does so_) Open
up here! Hey! is anyone in? Open--somebody! (_knocks more
lustily_)

IV. 2.

Scene 2.

_Mercury_, MUCH DISHEVELED, APPEARS ON ROOF.

_Mer._

Quis ad fores est?

(_thickly_) Who’s at the door?

_Amph._

Ego sum.

I am.

_Mer._

Quid ego sum?

I am, eh?

_Amph._

Ita loquor.

(_sharply_) So I say.

_Mer._

Tibi Iuppiter
dique omnes nati certo sunt, qui sic frangas fores.

Jupiter and ... all the ... gods ... are surely angry at you
... demolishing our door so.

_Amph._

Quo modo?

What do you mean!

_Mer._

Eo modo, ut profecto vivas aetatem miser.

Here’s ... what I mean ... you’re certainly going to have a
bad, bad time of it.

_Amph._

Sosia.

(_sternly_) Sosia!

_Mer._

Ita, sum Sosia, nisi me esse oblitum existimas.
quid nunc vis?

Just so! That’s me ... unless you think I’ve forgotten. Now
what do ... you want?

_Amph._

Sceleste, at etiam quid velim, id tu me rogas.

Rascal! Do you actually dare ask me that--what I want?

_Mer._

Ita, rogo. paene effregisti, fatue, foribus cardines
an foris censebas nobis publicitus praeberier?
quid me aspectas, stolide? quid nunc vis tibi? aut quid tu es homo?

Of course I do. You’ve almost hammered the doors off their
hinges, you ... stupid. Didn’t suppose we were supplied with
doors at public expense, did you? What are you staring at me
for, you ... booby? What are you after now? Who are you?

_Amph._

Verbero, etiam quis ego sim me rogitas, ulmorum Acheruns?
quem pol ego hodie ob istaec dicta faciam ferventem flagris. 1030

You scoundrel! Still asking me who I am, you death on rods,
you? By gad, I’ll warm you up with a whip to day for this
insolence!

_Mer._

Prodigum te fuisse oportet olim in adulescentia.

You must have been a waster ... in your ... younger days.

_Amph._

Quidum?

How so?

_Mer._

Quia senecta aetate a me mendicas malum.

Well ... here you are in your declining years begging ... me
for trouble.

_Amph._

Cum cruciatu tuo istaec hodie, verna, verba funditas.

You shall soon suffer for this flow of language, you drudge.

_Mer._

Sacrufico ego tibi.

I’m sacrificing to ye, I am.

_Amph._

Qui?

How?

_Mer._

Quia enim te macto infortunio.

(_slyly poising a pail of water_) Why, because I’m making
you an offering of a ... calamity.

[_At this point there is a gap in the MSS. Only a few
lines have been preserved. Leo outlines the lost part as
follows: After Mercury has had sufficient amusement with
Amphitryon, the disturbance calls Alcmena from within. She
has a dispute with her husband--Jupiter had left her earlier
so that he might offer sacrifice--and shuts him out of the
house. Perhaps Amphitryon went away to summon friends to aid
him: at any rate, Sosia appears with Blepharo and gets a bad
welcome from his master, despite Blepharo’s patronage, and
then escapes. Jupiter comes out of the house. Husband and
lover abuse each other vigorously and a scuffle ensues.
Blepharo is appealed to by Amphitryon, only to be made
ridiculous by Jupiter._]

_Amph._

At ego te cruce et cruciatu mactabo, mastigia. I

But I’ll make you an offering of torture and torment, you
whipping post.

_Mer._

Erus Amphitruost occupatus. II

The master, Amphitryon, is busy.

_Mer._

abiendi nunc tibi etiam occasiost. III (XV LG)

---- now you still have a chance to leave.

_Mer._

Optimo iure infringatur aula cineris in caput. IV (III)

It would serve you right to have a pot of ashes broken on
your head.

_Mer._

Ne tu postules matulam unam tibi aquae infundi in caput V (IV)

You would certainly ask to have one jar of water emptied on
your head.

_Mer._

Larvatu’s edepol hominem miserum medicum quaerita. VI (VII)

Bewitched! Dear, dear! poor man! Look for a doctor.

_Alc._

Exiuravisti te mihi dixe per iocum. VII (XI)

You swore solemnly that you said it to me in fun.

_Alc._

Quaeso advenienti morbo medicari iube VIII (XII)
tu certe aut larvatus aut cerritus es.

For mercy’s sake have this disease treated at the outset;
you surely are bewitched or crazed.

_Alc._

Nisi hoc ita factum est, proinde ut factum esse autumo, IX (XIII)
non causam dico quin vero insimules probri.

If this did not take place just as I state, you have every
right to accuse me of unchastity.

_Amph._

Cuius? quae me absente corpus volgavit suom. X (XVI)

Whose? A woman that prostituted herself in my absence!

_Amph._

Quid minitabas te facturum, si istas pepulissem fores? XI (V)

What were you threatening to do, if I pounded on that door?

_Amph._

Ibi scrobes ecfodito tu plus sexagenos in die. XII (VI)

There dig more than sixty ditches a day.

_Amph._

Noli pessimo precari XIII (XVII)

Don’t intercede for an utter rascal.

_Bleph._

animam comprime XIV (XVIII)

---- save your breath.

_Iup._
_Jup._

Manifestum hunc optorto collo teneo furem flagiti XV (IX)

I have him by the scruff of the neck, an outrageous thief
caught in the act.

_Amph._

Immo ego hunc, Thebani cives, qui domi uxorem meam XVI (X)
impudicitia impedivit, teneo, thensaurum stupri

No, no, Theban citizens, I have him, the monster of lust who
has brought disgrace on my wife at home.

_Amph._

Nilne te pudet, sceleste, populi in conspectum ingredi? XVII (VIII)

Aren’t you at all ashamed, you villain, to come out into
public sight?

_Amph._

clandestino. XVIII (XIX)

---- clandestinely.

_Amph._ sive _Iup._
_Amph._ or _Jup._

Qui nequeas nostrorum uter sit Amphitruo decernere. XIX (XIV)

You who are unable to decide which of us is Amphitryon.

IV. 3.

Scene 3.

_Bleph._

Vos inter vos partite; ego abeo, mihi negotium est;
neque ego umquam usquam tanta mira me vidisse censeo.

(_disgustedly_) You must untangle your own selves: I’m
going: I have an engagement. (_aside_) Never did I see such
marvels anywhere, I do believe. (_turns to go_)

_Amph._

Blepharo, quaeso ut advocatus mi adsis neve abeas.

Blepharo! Stand by me, for mercy’s sake, and be my assistant:
don’t go!

_Bleph._

Vale.
quid opust me advocato, qui utri sim advocatus nescio?

Good-bye. What’s the use of my being an assistant when I
don’t know which to be it to? [EXIT _Blepharo_.

_Iup._
_Jup._

Intro ego hinc eo. Alcumena parturit.

(_aside_) I’m going inside myself: Alcmena’s delivery is at
hand. [EXIT _Jupiter_ INTO HOUSE, UNSEEN BY _Amphitryon_.

_Amph._

Perii miser.
quid ego faciam, quem advocati iam atque amici deserunt? 1040
numquam edepol me inultus istic ludificabit, quisquis est;
nam iam ad regem recta me ducam resque ut facta est eloquar.[25]
ego pol illum ulciscar hodie Thessalum veneficum,
qui pervorse perturbavit familiae mentem meae.
sed ubi illest? intro edepol abiit, credo ad uxorem meam.

(_wildly_) Heavens! oh, Heavens! What shall I do now when
assistants and friends desert me? By the Lord, that villain
shall never make game of me and escape, whoever he is! I’ll
go straight to the king this moment and tell him all as it
happened. I swear I’ll have my revenge this day on that
Thessalian sorcerer who has turned the wits of my household
topsy-turvy. (_looking around_) Where is he, though? Good
God! He’s gone inside--to my wife, no doubt!

qui me Thebis alter vivit miserior? quid nunc agam?
quem omnes mortales ignorant et ludificant ut lubet.
certumst, intro rumpam in aedis: ubi quemque hominem aspexero,
si ancillam seu servom sive uxorem sive adulterum
seu patrem sive avom videbo, obtruncabo in aedibus. 1050
neque me Iuppiter neque di omnes id prohibebunt, si volent,
quin sic faciam ut constitui. pergam in aedis nunciam.

Oh, of all miserable men in Thebes! What shall I do now?
Disowned and humbugged by every mortal soul to suit their
humour! (_pause_) My mind’s made up--I’ll burst into
the house, and every human creature there I set my eyes on,
maid or man, wife or paramour, father or grandfather, I’ll
cut them down in my halls! And not the will of Jupiter and
all the gods shall stop my doing as I’ve determined! I’ll in
this minute! (_he rushes toward door: a peal of thunder:
he falls to ground motionless_)

ACTVS V