Chapter XXX: Act III: (An hour has elapsed.)

ENTER _Ergasilus_, MUCH DEPRESSED

_Erg._

Miser homo est, qui ipse sibi quod edit quaerit et id aegre invenit,
sed ille est miserior, qui et aegre quaerit et nihil invenit;
ille miserrimust, qui cum esse cupit, tum quod edit non habet.
nam hercle ego huic die, si liceat, oculos effodiam libens,
ita malignitate oneravit omnis mortalis mihi;

It’s sad when a man has to spend his time looking for his
food and has hard work finding it. It’s sadder, though, when
he has hard work looking for it and doesn’t find it. But
it’s saddest of all when a man is pining to eat, and no food
in range. By gad, if I only could, I’d like to dig the eyes
out of this day, it’s made every living soul so damnably
mean to me!

neque ieiuniosiorem neque magis ecfertum fame
vidi nec quoi minus procedat quidquid facere occeperit,
ita venter gutturque resident esurialis ferias.
ilicet parasiticae arti maximam malam crucem,
ita iuventus iam ridicules inopesque ab se segregat. 470

A more hungriful day, a more bulged-out- with-starvation
day, a more unprogressive day for every undertaking, I never
did see! Such a famine feast as my inside is having! Devil
take the parasitical profession! How the young fellows
nowadays do sheer off from impecunious wits!

nil morantur iam Lacones unisubselli viros,
plagipatidas, quibus sunt verba sine penu et pecunia
eos requirunt, qui libenter, quom ederint, reddant domi;
ipsi obsonant, quae parasitorum ante erat provincia,
ipsi de foro tam aperto capite ad lenones eunt
quam in tribu aperto capite sontes condemnant reos;
neque ridiculos iam terrunci faciunt, sese omnes amant.

Not a bit of use have they nowadays for us Spartans, us
valiant benchenders, us descendants of old Takesacuff, whose
capital is talk without cash and comestibles. The guests
they’re after are the ones that enjoy a dinner and then
like to return the compliment. They do their marketing
themselves, too,--that used to be the parasites’ province--
and away they go from the forum themselves to interview the
pimps, just as barefaced as they are in court when they
condemn guilty defendants. They don’t care a farthing for
wits these days: they’re egoists, every one.

nam uti dudum hinc abii, accessi ad adulescentes in foro.
“salvete” inquam. “quo imus una” inquam “ad prandium?”
atque illi tacent.
“quid ait ‘hoc’ aut quis profitetur?”
inquam. quasi muti silent, 480
neque me rident. “ubi cenamus?” inquam. atque illi abnuont.

Why, when I left here a little while ago, I went up to some
young fellows in the forum. “Good day,” says I. “Where are
we going to lunch together?” says I. Sudden silence. “Who
says: ‘This way’? Who makes a bid?” says I. Dumb as mutes,
didn’t even give me a smile. “Where do we dine?” says I.
A shaking of heads.

dico unum ridiculum dictum de dictis melioribus,
quibus solebam menstruales epulas ante adipiscier:
nemo ridet; scivi extemplo rem de compecto geri;
ne canem quidem irritatam voluit quisquam imitarier,
saltem, si non arriderent, dentes ut restringerent.

I told ’em a funny story--one of my best, that used to find
me free board for a month. Nobody smiled. I saw in a moment
it was a put-up job; not a one of ’em was even willing to
act like a cross dog and at least show their teeth, no
matter if they wouldn’t laugh.

abeo ab illis, postquam video me sic ludificarier;
pergo ad alios, venio ad alios, deinde ad alios: una res.
omnes de compecto rem agunt, quasi in Velabro olearii.
nunc redeo inde, quoniam me ibi video ludificarier. 490
item alii parasiti frustra obambulabant in foro.

I left ’em after I saw I was being made a fool of this way,
up I went to some others, and then to others, and to others
still,--same story. They re all in a combination, just like
the oil dealers in the Velabrum.[C] So here I am back again,
seeing I was trifled with there. Some more parasites were
prowling round the forum all for nothing, too.

[Footnote C: A market district in Rome.]

nunc barbarica lege certumst ius meum omne persequi:
qui consilium iniere, quo nos victu et vita prohibeant,
is diem dicam, inrogabo multam. ut mihi cenas decem
meo arbitratu dent, cum cara annona sit. sic egero.
nunc ibo ad portum hinc: est illic mi una spes cenatica;
si ea decolabit, redibo huc ad senem ad cenam asperam.

Now I’m going to have the foreign law on those chaps and
demand my full rights, I certainly am: it’s conspiracy,
conspiracy to deprive us of sustenance and life, and I’m
going to summon ’em, fine ’em-- make ’em give me ten
dinners, at my discretion, and that will be when food
is dear. That’s how I’ll catch them. (_turning to go_)
Well, now for the harbour. That’s where my one hope is,
gastronomically speaking, if that oozes away, I’ll come
back here to the old man’s terror of a meal.

[EXIT _Ergasilus_, LOOKING IN ALL DIRECTIONS FOR A POSSIBLE
HOST.

III. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER _Hegio_ WITH _Aristophontes_ AND _Slaves_.

_Hegio_

Quid est suavius, quam bene rem gerere,
bono publico, sic ut ego feci heri,
cum emi hosce homines: ubi quisque vident, 500
eunt obviam gratulanturque eam rem,
ita me miserum restitando
retinendoque lassum reddiderunt:
vix ex gratulando miser iam eminebam.

(_highly pleased with himself_) Now what makes you feel
better than managing your affairs properly and contributing
to the common good, just as I did yesterday in buying
these prisoners? Whenever anyone sees me up he comes and
congratulates me on it! Dear, dear! I was so worn out
with all their stopping and detaining me, it got to be
frightfully hard work emerging from the flood of
felicitations.

tandem abii ad praetorem; ibi vix requievi:
rogo syngraphum, datur mi ilico; dedi Tyndaro: ille abiit domum.
inde ilico praevortor domum, postquam id actum est;
eo protinus ad fratrem, mei ubi sunt alii captivi.

At last I escaped to the praetor’s. Barely waiting to catch
my breath, I asked for a passport, got it on the spot, gave
it to Tyndarus: he’s off for home. After seeing to that, I
first start straight for home. Then I go on to my brother’s
where the rest of my prisoners are.

rogo, Philocratem ex Alide ecquis hominum
noverit: tandem his exclamat, eum sibi esse sodalem; 510
dico eum esse apud me; hic extemplo orat obsecratque,
eum sibi ut liceat videre:
iussi ilico hunc exsolvi. nunc tu sequere me,
ut quod me oravisti impetres, eum hominem uti convenias.

Inquire if any one of ’em knows Philocrates of Elis. Finally
this fellow (_pointing to Aristophontes_) calls out that
Philocrates is a particular friend of his. I tell him he’s
at my house; the next instant he’s begging and beseeching me
for a chance to see him. I had him unfettered at once. (_to
Aristophontes_) Now, sir, come this way, so as to obtain
your request and meet your friend.
[EXEUNT INTO HOUSE: AS THEY GO IN _Tyndarus_ RUSHES OUT.

III. 3.

Scene 3.

_Tynd._

Nunc illud est, cum me fuisse quam esse nimio mavelim:
nunc spes opes auxiliaque a me segregant spernuntque se.
hic illest dies, cum nulla vitae meae salus sperabilest,
neque exitium[14] exitio est neque adeo spes, quae mi hunc
aspellat metum,
nec subdolis mendaciis mihi usquam mantellum est meis,[15] 520

(_grimly_) Now’s the time when I should infinitely prefer
to be underground than on it! Hope, resources, help--all
deserting, all leaving me in the lurch now! My day has come:
I can never hope to get out of this alive. Done for, and
nothing to be done for it! There’s no prospect of staving
off the danger, either, and not a thing to drape my crafty
lies with.

neque deprecatio perfidiis meis nec male factis fuga est. (522)
nec confidentiae usquam hospitium est nec deverticulum dolis:
operta quae fuere aperta sunt, patent praestigiae,
omnis res palam est, neque de hac re negotium est,
quin male occidam oppetamque pestem eri vicem meamque.

My falsehoods can’t beg themselves off, or my transgressions
take to their heels: no lodgings anywhere for brass: guile
can’t find accommodations. The covert’s uncovered, our
plot’s apparent, everything’s out. There’s nothing to do
about it: I must drop off disagreeably, and come to a
painful end for master--also for myself.

perdidit me Aristophontes hic qui venit modo intro:[16]
is me novit, is sodalis Philocrati et cognatus est.
neque iam Salus servare, si volt, me potest, nec copia est,
nisi si aliquam corde machinor astutiam. 530
quam, malum? quid machiner? quid comminiscar? maxumas
nugas ineptus incipisso. haereo.

He’s been the ruin of me, this Aristophontes that just
went inside: he knows me: he’s a particular friend of
Philocrates, related to him, too. Salvation herself can’t
save me now, if she so desires: there’s no chance unless I
can invent some clever scheme. But what, curse it? What can
I invent? What can I devise? (_reflecting, then doubtfully_)
Oh, this is awful nonsense I’m at, poor simpleton!
(_disgustedly_) Stuck!

III. 4.

Scene 4.

ENTER _Hegio_, _Aristophontes_, AND _Slaves_.

_Hegio_

Quo illum nunc hominem proripuisse foras se dicam ex aedibus?

Where did that fellow bolt for out of the house just now,
I wonder?

_Tynd._

Nunc enim vero ego occidi: eunt ad te hostes, Tyndare.
quid loquar? quid fabulabor? quid negabo aut quid fatebor?
mihi res omnis in incerto sita est. quid rebus confidam meis?
utinam te di prius perderent, quam periisti e patria tua,
Aristophontes, qui ex parata re imparatam omnem facis.
occisa est haec res, nisi reperio atrocem mi aliquam astutiam.

(_aside_) It’s all over with me, all over with me now: the
enemy are upon you, Tyndarus! What shall I say? What story
shall I tell? What shall I deny--or what admit? It’s a shaky
business for me on every side! What faith can I put in my
luck? Oh, I wish the gods had made away with you before you
made away from home, Aristophontes,--upsetting my settled
plan completely! The game is up, unless I hit upon some
awfully clever scheme.

_Hegio_

Sequere. em tibi hominem. adi, atque adloquere.

(_to Aristophontes, on seeing Tyndarus_) Come along! There’s
your man! Go up and speak to him!

_Tynd._

Quis homo est me hominum miserior? 540

(_aside, as Aristophontes approaches_) What mortal man
is in a more confounded hole than this? (_pretends not to
recognize him_)

_Arist._

Quid istuc est quod meos te dicam fugitare oculos, Tyndare,
proque ignoto me aspernari, quasi me numquam noveris?
equidem tam sum servos quam tu, etsi ego domi liber fui,
tu usque a puero servitutem servivisti in Alide.

I wonder what you mean by this, Tyndarus,--avoiding my eye
and snubbing me as a stranger, quite as if you never knew
me? I’m just as much of a slave as you are, to be sure, but
at home I was free: as for you, you’ve been slaving it in
Elis from your boyhood up.

_Hegio_

Edepol minime miror, si te fugitat aut oculos tuos,
aut si te odit, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate.

Bless my soul! I’m not a bit surprised if he avoids you, or
your eye, no, nor if he detests you, when you call him
Tyndarus instead of Philocrates.

_Tynd._

Hegio, hic homo rabiosus habitus est in Alide,
ne tu quod istic fabuletur auris immittas tuas.
nam istis hastis insectatus est domi matrem et patrem,
et illic isti qui insputatur morbus interdum venit. 550
proin tu ab istoc procul recedas.

(_dragging Hegio aside_) Hegio, this fellow was looked upon
as a raving maniac in Elis, so don’t you let him fill your
ears with his babble. Why, at home he chased his father and
mother about with a spear, and every once in a while he has
an attack of the disease that people spit on.[D] So get out
of his reach, then,--well away.

[Footnote D: Epilepsy.]

_Hegio_

Ultro istum a me.

(to slaves) Keep him off! Keep him off!

_Arist._

Ain, verbero?
me rabiosum atque insectatum esse hastis meum memoras patrem,
et eum morbum mi esse, ut qui me opus sit insputarier?

What’s that, you rascal? I’m a raving maniac and chased my
own father with a spear, you say? I have the disease that
calls for my being spat upon?

_Hegio_

Ne verere, multos iste morbus homines macerat,
quibus insputari saluti fuit atque is profuit.

(_cheeringly_) Never you mind! Many a man’s consumed by that
disease of yours, who’s been helped by being spat on, and
it’s brought him through.

_Arist._

Quid tu autem? etiam huic credis?

(_to Hegio, hotly_) How’s this? You, too? Do you actually
believe him?

_Hegio_

Quid ego credam huic?

Believe him in what?

_Arist._

Insanum esse me?

That I’m insane?

_Tynd._

Viden tu hunc, quam inimico voltu intuetur? concedi optumumst,
Hegio: fit quod tibi ego dixi, gliscit rabies, cave tibi.

(_to Hegio_) Do you see him--that angry glare of his? You’d
better leave, Hegio. It’s just as I said: a fit’s coming on.
Look out for yourself!

_Hegio_

Credidi esse insanum extemplo, ubi te appellavit Tyndarum.

(_hastily moving farther off_) I thought so, I thought he
was crazy, from the moment he called you Tyndarus.

_Tynd._

Quin suom ipse interdum ignorat nomen neque scit qui siet. 560

Why, at times he positively forgets his own name and doesn’t
know who he is.

_Hegio_

At etiam te suom sodalem esse aibat.

But he was even saying you were an intimate friend of his.

_Tynd._

Haud vidi magis.
et quidem Alcumeus atque Orestes et Lycurgus postea
una opera mihi sunt sodales qua iste.

(_dryly_) Quite so! And the fact is that Alcumeus,[E] in
that case, and Orestes,[E] and Lycurgus[E] too are intimate
friends of mine, just exactly as much.

[Footnote E: Madmen, celebrated in Greek mythology.
Alcumeus = Alcmaeon.]

_Arist._

At etiam, furcifer,
male loqui mi audes? non ego te novi?

Ha! You scoundrel, do you dare go on maligning me? Don’t I
know you?

_Hegio_

Pol planum id quidem est,
non novisse, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate.
quem vides, eum ignoras: illum nominas quem non vides.

Good heavens! It’s quite plain you don’t know him--calling
him Tyndarus instead of Philocrates! The man you see you
don’t know: you name the man you don’t see.

_Arist._

Immo iste eum sese ait, qui non est, esse, et qui vero est, negat.

No, sir! This fellow says he’s the man he isn’t, and says he
isn’t the man he really is.

_Tynd._

Tu enim repertu’s, Philocratem qui superes veriverbio.

(_to Aristophontes, meaningly_) So you have turned up to
beat Philocrates in stating facts!

_Arist._

Pol ego ut rem video, tu inventu’s, vera vanitudine
qui convincas. sed quaeso hercle, agedum aspice ad me.

Good Lord! As I look at it, you have been unearthed to
browbeat facts by stating falsehoods. But come now, confound
it, look me in the eye!

_Tynd._

Em.

(_doing so coolly_) Well?

_Arist._

Dic modo: 570
tun negas te Tyndarum esse?

Now tell me: do you deny that you are Tyndarus?

_Tynd._

Nego, inquam.

I do, certainly.

_Arist._

Tun te Philocratem
esse ais?

You claim to be Philocrates, you?

_Tynd._

Ego, inquam.

I certainly do.

_Arist._

Tune huic credis?

(_to Hegio, exasperated_) Do you believe him?

_Hegio_

Plus quidem quam tibi aut mihi.
nam ille quidem, quem tu hunc memoras esse, hodie hinc abiit Alidem
ad patrem huius.

More than I do you, surely,--or myself. For you see, the
fellow you tell me this man is--he went away to Elis to-day
to this man’s father.

_Arist._

Quem patrem, qui servos est?

(_contemptuously_) Father! What do you mean, when he’s a
slave?

_Tynd._

Et tu quidem
servos es, liber fuisti, et ego me confido fore,
si huius huc reconciliasso in libertatem filium.

Well, you, too, are a slave and once were free: and (_with
emphasis_) I hope to be so myself, when I have restored
this gentleman’s son to home and liberty.

_Arist._

Quid ais, furcifer? tun te gnatum esse memoras liberum?

What’s that, you villain? You tell me you were born a
freeman?

_Tynd._

Non equidem me Liberum, sed Philocratem esse aio.

No indeed, my name is not Freeman, but Philocrates, that’s
what I say.

_Arist._

Quid est?
ut scelestus, Hegio, nunc iste te ludos facit.
nam is est servos ipse, neque praeter se umquam ei servos fuit. 580

What’s all this? How the rascal’s making game of you,
Hegio! Why he’s a slave himself--the only one he ever had.

_Tynd._

Quia tute ipse eges in patria nec tibi qui vivas domist,
omnis inveniri similis tui vis; non mirum facis:
est miserorum, ut malevolentes sint atque invideant bonis.

(_superior_) Just because you yourself are poverty-stricken
in your own country, with nothing at home to live on, you
want to have every one else put in the same list. There is
nothing strange in that: it is characteristic of poor
beggars to be ill-natured, and envy the well-to-do.

_Arist._

Hegio, vide sis, ne quid tu huic temere insistas credere.
atque, ut perspicio, profecto iam aliquid pugnae edidit.
filium tuom quod redimere se ait, id ne utiquam mini placet.

Hegio, I beg you take care not to go on with your rash
confidence in this fellow. And for that matter, he’s
certainly given you a fall or two already, I take it. This
talk of his about rescuing your son doesn’t please me at
all.

_Tynd._

Scio te id nolle fieri; efficiam tamen ego id, si di adiuvant.
illum restituam huic, hic autem in Alidem me meo patri.
propterea ad patrem hinc amisi Tyndarum.

(_with an appealing look_) I know you don’t want it done;
but I’ll bring it about, God helping me. (_slowly_) I will
restore his son to this gentleman, and then this gentleman
will send me back to Elis to my father. That was why I sent
Tyndarus off to my father.

_Arist._

Quin tute is es:
neque praeter te in Alide ullus servos istoc nominest. 590

Why, you’re Tyndarus yourself: and besides you there’s not a
slave in Elis of that name.

_Tynd._

Pergin servom me exprobrare esse, id quod vi hostili optigit?

Still taunting me with being a slave, eh? A slave as it
happens, because the enemy were too much for us!

_Arist._

Enim iam nequeo contineri.

(_angrily_) I positively can’t control myself any longer!

_Tynd._

Heus, audin quid ait? quin fugis?
iam illic his nos insectabit lapidibus, nisi illunc iubes
comprehendi.

(_apparently alarmed, to Hegio_) Aha! Hear what he’s saying?
Run, why don’t you? He’ll be after us with stones in a
minute, if you don’t have him seized.

_Arist._

Crucior.

Oh, this is driving me wild!

_Tynd._

Ardent oculi: fit opus, Hegio;
viden tu illi maculari corpus totum maculis luridis?
atra bilis agitat hominem.

His eyes are blazing! He’s having one, Hegio! See how his
whole body is covered with lurid spots? It’s black fury
that’s tormenting the fellow!

_Arist._

At pol te, si hic sapiat senex,
pix atra agitet apud carnificem tuoque capiti inluceat.

Now, by the Lord, if this old gentleman did the wise thing,
it’s black pitch that would torment you at the
executioner’s, and light up that head of yours!

_Tynd._

Iam deliramenta loquitur, laruae stimulant virum.
hercle qui, si hunc comprehendi iusseris, sapias magis.

Now he’s got to the raving point! Evil spirits are hounding
the man, Hegio. Heavens! You’d do more wisely to have him
seized!

_Arist._

Crucior, lapidem non habere me, ut illi mastigiae 600
cerebrum excutiam, qui me insanum verbis concinnat suis.

Oh, damnation! not to have a stone to knock out the brains
of this blackguard that’s driving me mad with his talk!

_Tynd._

Audin lapidem quaeritare?

Hear that--looking for a stone!

_Arist._

Solus te solum volo,
Hegio.

(_struggling to contain himself_) Hegio, I want a word with
you all alone.

_Hegio_

Instinc loquere, si quid vis, procul tamen audiam.

(_timorously_) Say it from there, if there’s anything you
want--from away off there. I shall hear it all the same.

_Tynd._

Namque edepol si adbites propius, os denasabit tibi
mordicus.

That’s right, by Jove! for if you go any nearer, he’ll bite
your nose off.

_Arist._

Neque pol me insanum, Hegio, esse creduis
neque fuisse umquam, neque esse morbum quem istic autumat.
verum si quid metuis a me, iube me vinciri: volo,
dum istic itidem vinciatur.

Heavens and earth, Hegio! don’t believe I’m insane, or that
I have, or ever had, the disease he’s talking about.
However, if you’re at all afraid of me, have me tied up. I
am willing, provided that fellow is tied up too.

_Tynd._

Immo enim vero, Hegio,
istic, qui volt, vinciatur.

No indeed, Hegio, certainly not, tie up the fellow that
wants it.

_Arist._

Tace modo. ego te, Philocrates
false, faciam ut verus hodie reperiare Tyndarus. 610
quid mi abnutas?

You keep still, now! I’ll soon show you up, you false
Philocrates, for the real Tyndarus. (_Tyndarus makes signs
to him behind Hegio’s back_) What, are you shaking your
head at me for?

_Tynd._

Tibi ego abnuto?

I shaking my head at you?

_Arist._

Quid agat, si absis longius?

(_to Hegio_) What would he do, if you were farther off?

_Hegio_

Quid ais? quid si adeam hunc insanum?

See here, what if I should step up to this lunatic?

_Tynd._

Nugas. ludificabitur,
garriet quoi neque pes umquam neque caput compareat.
ornamenta absunt: Aiacem, hunc cum vides, ipsum vides.

Ridiculous! He’ll make a fool of you, jabbering something
without head or tail to it. Look at this fellow, and you’re
looking at a regular Ajax[F]--all but the make-up.

[Footnote F: Another madman of Greek mythology.]

_Hegio_

Nihili facio. tamen adibo.

I don’t care. I’m going to step up to him just the same.
(_approaches Aristophontes hesitantly_)

_Tynd._

Nunc ego omnino occidi,
nunc ego inter sacrum saxumque sto, nec quid faciam scio.

(_aside_) Now I’m done for entirely. Now I’m between the
axe and the altar, and what to do I don’t know.

_Hegio_

Do tibi operam, Aristophontes, si quid est quod me velis.

I’m at your service, Aristophontes, if there’s anything you
want of me.

_Arist._

Ex me audibis vera quae nunc falsa opinare, Hegio.
sed hoc primum, me expurigare tibi volo. me insaniam 620
neque tenere neque mi esse ullum morbum, nisi quod servio.
at ita me rex deorum atque hominum faxit patriae compotem,
ut istic Philocrates non magis est quam aut ego aut tu.

I’ll show you, Hegio, that all this you take for a lie is
the truth. But first I want to clear myself with you, and
assure you that I am not insane, and have no affliction
except captivity. And now,--(_solemnly_) so may the King of
heaven and earth restore me to my native land,--that fellow
is no more Philocrates than you or I.

_Hegio_

Eho dic mihi,
quis illic igitur est?

(_impressed_) Hey? Tell me, who is he then?

_Arist._

Quem dudum dixi a principio tibi.
hoc si secus reperies, nullam causam dico quin mihi
et parentum et libertatis apud te deliquio siet.

The man I told you he was to begin with, a while ago. If you
find it otherwise, I make no objection to forfeiting my
parents and my liberty and staying here with you.

_Hegio_

Quid tu ais?

(_to Tyndarus_) And you--what have you to say?

_Tynd._

Me tuom esse servom et te meum erum.

(_urbanely_) That I am your servant, and that you are my
master.

_Hegio_

Haud istuc rogo.
fuistin liber?

(_impatiently_) That isn’t what I’m asking about. Were you a
freeman?

_Tynd._

Fui.

I was.

_Arist._

Enim vero non fuit, nugas agit.

He certainly was not. Absurd!

_Tynd._

Qui tu scis? an tu fortasse fuisti meae matri obstetrix,
qui id tam audacter dicere audes?

(_superciliously_) How do you know? Or were you my mother’s
midwife, perhaps, that you venture to speak with such
assurance on this point?

_Arist._

Puerum te vidi puer. 630

I saw you when we were both boys.

_Tynd._

At ego te video maior maiorem: em rursum tibi.
meam rem non cures, si recte facis. num ego curo tuam?

Well, I see you now we are both grown-ups. There’s one for
you! You wouldn’t meddle with my business, if you behaved
decently. I don’t meddle with yours, do I?

_Hegio_

Fuitne huic pater Thensaurochrysonicochrysides?

Wasn’t his father called Ducatsdoubloonsandpiecesofeightson?

_Arist._

Non fuit, neque ego istuc nomen umquam audivi ante hunc diem
Philocrati Theodoromedes fuit pater.

No sir, he was not, and I never heard that name before
to-day. The father of Philocrates was Theodoromedes.

_Tynd._

Pereo probe
quin quiescis? idie rectum cor meum, ac suspende te.
tu sussultas, ego miser vix asto prae formidine.

(_aside, dryly_) I’m jolly well done for. Stop your noise,
will you, heart? Go to the deuce, and be hanged to you!
Jumping up and down, while I, poor devil, can hardly stand
for fear!

_Hegio_

Satin istuc mihi exquisitum est, fuisse hunc servom in Alide
neque esse hunc Philocratem?

Am I to take it as absolutely clear that this fellow was a
slave in Elis, that he is not Philocrates?

_Arist_

Tam satis quam numquam hoc invenies secus.
sed ubi is nunc est?

So absolutely that you’ll never find it to be anything
different. But where is Philocrates at present?

_Hegio_

Ubi ego mimime atque ipsus se volt maxume 640
sed vide sis.

(_savagely_) Where I least want him, and he most wants to
be. Do, do, see if there’s not some mistake, though.

_Arist._

Quin exploratum dico et provisum hoc tibi.

No, I’m sure of my ground and fully informed in what I tell
you.

_Hegio_

Certon?

You’re certain?

_Arist._

Quin nihil, inquam, invenies magis hoc certo certus.
Philocrates iam inde usque amicus fuit mihi a puero puer.

You’ll never find a deader certainty than this, I assure
you. Philocrates has been a friend of mine ever since he was
a boy.

_Hegio_

Tum igitur ego deruncinatus, deartuatus sum miser
huius scelesti techinis, qui me ut lubitum est ductavit dolis
sed qua faciest tuos sodalis Philocrates?

So then, I’ve been trimmed, torn limb from limb, poor fool,
by the arts of this rogue, who’s taken me in with his tricks
to suit his taste! But what does your friend Philocrates
look like?

_Arist._

Dicam tibi
macilento ore, naso acuto, corpore albo, oculis nigris,
subrufus aliquantum, crispus, cincinnatus.

I’ll tell you--thin face, sharp nose, complexion fair, black
eyes, hair a little reddish, waving, and curled.

_Hegio_

Convenit.

That agrees!

_Tynd._

Ut quidem hercle in medium ego hodie pessume processerim.
vae illis virgis miseris, quae hodie in tergo morientur meo. 650

(_aside ruefully_) Gad! Indeed it does--with my coming into
damned unpleasant prominence this day. Alas for those poor
whips that are doomed this day to die upon my back!

_Hegio_

Verba mihi data esse video.

I see I’ve been duped!

_Tynd._

Quid cessatis, compedes,
currere ad me meaque amplecti crura, ut vos custodiam?

(_aside_) Come on, ye shackles, run up and embrace my
shanks, so that I may keep you safe!

_Hegio_

Satin med illi hodie scelesti capti ceperunt dolo?
illic servom se assimulabat, hic sese autem liberum.
nuculeum amisi, retinui pignori putamina.
ita mihi stolido sursum versum os sublevere offuciis.
his quidem me numquam irridebit. Colaphe, Cordalio, Corax,
ite istinc, ecferte lora.

Well, haven’t those rascal captives taken me in with this
day’s trickery? The other one pretended he was the slave,
while this fellow here played the freeman. I’ve lost the
kernel and kept the shell for surety. That’s the way they’ve
daubed my face up for me, ass that I am! (_grimly_) This one
shall never have the laugh on me, at any rate. (_stepping to
door and calling_) Box! Buffum! Bangs! Come! Out with you!
Bring your straps!

III. 5.

Scene 5.

ENTER OVERSEERS, CARRYING HEAVY RAWHIDES.

_Cola._
_Box_

Num lignatum mittimur?

(_merrily cracking a whip_) You don’t want us to go and
tie up faggots, do you, sir?

_Hegio_

Inicite huic manicas[17] mastigiae.

Clap handcuffs on this rogue. (_pointing to Tyndarus_)

_Tynd._

Quid hoc est negoti? quid ego deliqui?

(_as they obey_) What does this mean? What have I done?

_Hegio_

Rogas. 660
sator sartorque scelerum, et messor maxume?

Done! You sower and hoer of sin--(_more savagely_) and
reaper, especially!

_Tynd._

Non occatorem dicere audebas prius?
nam semper occant prius quam sariunt rustici.

(_politely_) Couldn’t you manage to slip in “harrower”?
Why, farmers always harrow before they hoe.

_Hegio_

At tu confidenter[18] mihi contra astitit.

(_angrily_) Now look at that! the bold way he stands up to
me!

_Tynd._

Decet innocentem servom atque innoxium
confidentem esse, suom apud erum potissimum.

A guiltless, harmless slave ought to face his own master
boldly, his own master, of all men.

_Hegio_

Adstringite isti sultis vehementer manus.

(_to overseers_) Fasten his hands, tight, mind you!

_Tynd._

Tuos sum, tu has quidem vel praecidi iube.
sed quid negoti est, quam ob rem suscenses mihi?

I am yours. Have them cut off, even, for that matter. But
what does this mean? Why this rage at me?

_Hegio_

Quia me meamque rem, quod in te uno fuit, 670
tuis scelestis falsidicis fallaciis
deartuasti dilaceravisti atque opes
confecisti omnes, res ac rationes meas:
ita mi exemisti Philocratem fallaciis.
illum esse servom credidi, te liberum:
ita vosmet aiebatis itaque nomina
inter vos permutastis.

Because as far as in you lay you’ve sent me and my hopes to
smash, demolished me, with your rascally deceitful dodges,
and spoiled all my chances, all my prospects and plans.
That’s the way you, got Philocrates off--by swindling me!
I supposed he was the slave and you the freeman; that’s
what you said yourselves; that’s how you exchanged names.

_Tynd._

Fateor, omnia
facta esse ita ut tu dicis, et fallaciis
abiisse eum abs te mea opera atque astutia;
an, obsecro hercle te, id nunc suscenses mihi? 680

(_coolly_) I admit it: it is all as you say--yes, you were
swindled out of him, and it was my support and my scheming
that did it. But heavens and earth, that isn’t what sets you
raging at me, is it?

_Hegio_

At cum cruciatu maxumo id factumst tuo.

You shall pay for doing it, though, pay for it with your own
best blood!

_Tynd._

Dum ne ob male facta, peream, parvi aestumo.
si ego hic peribo, ast ille ut dixit non redit,
at erit mi hoc factum mortuo memorabile,
me meum erum captum ex servitute atque hostibus
reducem fecisse liberum in patriam ad patrem,
meumque potius me caput periculo
praeoptavisse, quam is periret, ponere.

(_simply_) Provided it is not for wrongdoing, let me die--it
matters little. If I myself do die here, and if he does fail
to return, as he said he would, what I have done, at least,
will be remembered when I am gone--men will tell how I
saved my captured master from slavery and from his enemies,
restored him, a free man, to his home and his father, and
how I chose to put my own life in peril rather than let him
die.

_Hegio_

Facito ergo ut Acherunti clueas gloria.

Well then, you can look in the next world for that glorious
name of yours.

_Tynd._

Qui per virtutem, periit, at non interit. 690

The man that dies in a worthy cause does not perish utterly.

_Hegio_

Quando ego te exemplis pessumis cruciavero
atque ob sutelas tuas te morti misero,
vel te interiisse vel periisse praedicent;
dum pereas, nihil intererit: dicant vivere.

After I’ve tortured you in the most excruciating ways
possible, and sent you to perdition for the lies you’ve
patched up, let ’em announce that you’ve perished utterly,
or that you’ve merely died; so long as you’re dead, no
matter--they can say you’re living, for all I care.

_Tynd._

Pol si istuc faxis, haud sine poena feceris,
si ille hue rebitet, sicut confido affore.

You do that, sir, and I swear it will cost you dear, if my
master comes back, as I expect him to do.

_Arist._

Pro di immortales, nunc ego teneo, nunc scio
quid hoc sit negoti. meus sodalis Philocrates
in libertate est ad patrem in patria. bene est,
nec quisquam est mihi, aeque melius cui velim. 700
sed hoc mihi aegre est, me huic dedisse operam malam,
qui nunc propter me meaque verba vinctus est.

(_aside_) Great God! Now I see it! Now I understand what it
all means! My chum Philocrates is free, has gone home to his
father. Good! And not a friend have I got that I wish better
luck to, either. But I do feel bad about the cursed way I’ve
treated Tyndarus here! He’s got me and my tongue to thank
for being strapped up at this moment.

_Hegio_

Votuin te quicquam mi hodie falsum proloqui?

Didn’t I tell you not to deceive me in the slightest
particular?

_Tynd._

Votuisti.

Yes.

_Hegio_

Cur es ausus mentiri mihi?

Then why did you dare lie to me?

_Tynd._

Quia vera obessent illi quoi operam dabam:
nunc falsa prosunt.

Because the truth would have harmed the person I was trying
to help: as it is, deceit has served his turn.

_Hegio_

At tibi oberunt.

It won’t serve yours, however.

_Tynd._

Optumest.
at erum servavi, quem servatum gaudeo.
cui me custodem addiderat erus maior meus.
sed malene id factum arbitrare?

Very well, sir. I saved my master, at any rate, and I’m
happy in having saved the man that my older master put in my
care. Really now, do you think this was a wrong act?

_Hegio_

Pessume.

Atrocious!

_Tynd._

At ego aio recte. qui abs te sorsum sentio. 710
nam cogitato, si quis hoc gnato tuo
tuos servos faxit, qualem haberes gratiam?
emitteresne necne eum servom manu?
essetne apud te is servos aceeptissimus?
responde.

Well, sir, I differ with you--I say it was right. Why, just
think! if a slave of yours did the same thing for your own
son, what would be your feeling toward him? Would you set
this slave free, or not? Wouldn’t this slave be your
favourite? Answer me that.

_Hegio_

Opinor.

(_reluctantly_) I suppose so.

_Tynd._

Cur ergo iratus mihi es?

Why are you angry at me, then?

_Hegio_

Quia illi fuisti quam mihi fidelior.

Because you have been more faithful to him than to me.

_Tynd._

Quid? tu una nocte postulavisti et die
recens captum hominem, nuperum novicium,
te perdocere ut melius consulerem tibi,
quam illi, quicum una a puero aetatem exegeram? 720

What? Did you expect in a single night and day to teach a
man just recently captured, a slave you had hardly bought,
to consult your interests more than those of the master I
grew up from boyhood with?

_Hegio_

Ergo ab eo petito gratiam istam. ducite,
ubi ponderosas crassas capiat compedes.
inde ibis porro in latomias lapidarias.
ibi quom alii octonos lapides effodiunt, nisi
cotidiano sesquiopus confeceris,
Sescentoplago nomen indetur tibi.

Well then, look to him for your thanks for it. (_to
overseers_) Off with him and have him shackled--heavy ones,
solid ones! (_to Tyndarus_) After that you shall go straight
to the stone quarries. There, while the rest of them are
digging out their eight blocks a day, you’re to do half as
much again, or you’ll be dubbed The Cracks-collector.

_Arist._

Per deos atque homines ego te obtestor, Hegio,
ne tu istunc hominem perduis.

Hegio! for God’s sake don’t let the man be utterly lost!

_Hegio_

Curabitur;
nam noctu nervo vinctus custodibitur,
interdius sub terra lapides eximet: 730
diu ego hunc cruciabo, non uno absolvam die.

Lost? We’ll see to that! Why, at night he’ll be chained up
in a cell and guarded, and in the daytime he’ll be under
ground hewing out stone. It’s agony long drawn out he’ll get
from me; I won’t end it for him all in one day.

_Arist._

Certumne est tibi istuc?

(_distressed_) Is this your fixed intention, sir?

_Hegio_

Non moriri certius.
abducite istum actutum ad Hippolytum fabrum,
iubete huic crassas compedes impingier;
inde extra portam ad meum libertum Cordalum
in lapicidinas facite deductus siet:
atque hunc me velle dicite ita curarier,
ne qui deterius huic sit quam cui pessume est.

Fixed as death! (_to overseers_) Quick! March him off to
Hippolytus the blacksmith and have some solid irons forged
on him; then he’s to be escorted outside the city to my
freedman Cordalus and the quarries. Yes, and tell Cordalus
I want it seen to that he be treated quite as well as the
man that’s treated (_ferociously_) worst.

_Tynd._

Cur ego te invito me esse salvom postulem?
periclum vitae meae tuo stat periculo. 740
post mortem in morte nihil est quod metuam mali.
etsi pervivo usque ad summam aetatem, tamen
breve spatium est perferundi quae minitas mihi.

Why should I ask for mercy when you refuse it? My life is
risked at risk to you. After death, there is no evil in
death for me to fear. And even if I live on and on to the
very limits of human life, it’s still only for a short time
I shall have to endure what you threaten me with.

vale atque salve, etsi aliter ut dicam meres.
tu, Aristophontes, de me ut meruisti, ita vale;
nam mihi propter te hoc optigit.

Farewell, sir, and God bless you, no matter if you do
deserve to have me wish you something else. As for you,
Aristophontes, fare you well--as well as you deserve of me;
for it is all on account of you that this has happened to
me.

_Hegio_

Abducite.

(_to overseers_) Off with him.

_Tynd._

At unum hoc quaeso, si huc rebitet Philocrates,
ut mi eius facias conveniundi copiam.

But I do ask this one thing of you, sir: if Philocrates
comes back, give me a chance to meet him.

_Hegio_

Periistis, nisi hunc iam e conspectu abducitis.

(_to overseers_) Out of my sight with him this instant, or
I’ll murder you! (_they seize Tyndarus and hurry him off
roughly_)

_Tynd._

Vis haec quidem hercle est, et trahi et trudi simul. 750

(_dryly_) Well, well! This is positive violence, being
pushed and pulled at the same time. [EXEUNT.

_Hegio_

Illic est abductus recta in phylacam, ut dignus est.
ego illis captivis aliis documentum dabo,
ne tale quisquam facinus incipere audeat.
quod absque hoc esset, qui mihi hoc fecit palam,
usque offrenatum suis me ductarent dolis.

That rascal is bound straight for the prison cell he’s
entitled to. I’ll make an example of him for the benefit of
those other prisoners, so that none of them will dare engage
in such deviltry. If it hadn’t been for this fellow here who
disclosed it all, they’d have bitted me and led me along
with their tricks till the end of time.

nunc certum est nulli posthac quicquam credere.
satis sum semel deceptus. speravi miser
ex servitute me exemisse filium:
ea spes elapsa est. perdidi unum filium,
puerum quadrimum quem mihi servos surpuit, 760
neque eum servom umquam repperi neque filium;

Never again do I trust a soul in anything, that’s settled.
Once cheated is enough. (_pauses, then gloomily_) I hoped,
poor fool, that I had ransomed my son from slavery--a hope
that’s slipped away! I lost one son, a four-year-old boy
that a slave kidnapped, and never a trace of slave or son
since.

maior potitus hostium est. quod hoc est scelus?
quasi in orbitatem liberos produxerim.
sequere hac. reducam te ubi fuisti. neminis
miserere certum est, quia mei miseret neminem.

And my older boy in the hands of enemies! What curse am
I under? As if I’d begotten children so as to be left
childless! (_to Aristophontes_) This way, you. (_going
toward brother’s house_) Back you go where you were before.
I am determined to pity no one, since no one pities me.

_Arist._

Exauspicavi ex vinclis. nunc intellego
redauspicandum esse in catenas denuo.

(_wryly_) It seemed a good omen, my getting out of irons.
Now I perceive I must omen myself back to chains again.
[EXEUNT.

ACTVS IV