Chapter V: Act II: (Half an hour has elapsed.)

ENTER _Amphitryon_ FOLLOWED BY _Sosia_. SLAVES WITH BAGGAGE
IN REAR.

_Amph._

Age i tu secundum.

(_to lagging Sosia_) Here you! After me, come!

_Sos._

Sequor, subsequor te.

Coming, sir! Right at your heels.

_Amph._

Scelestissimum te arbitror.

It’s my opinion you are a damned rascal.

_Sos._

Nam quam ob rem?

(_hurt_) Oh sir, why?

_Amph._

Quia id quod neque est neque fuit neque futurum est
mihi praedicas.

(_angrily_) Because what you tell me is not so, never was
so, never will be.

_Sos._

Eccere, iam tuatim
facis tu, ut tuis nulla apud te fides sit.

See there now! Just like you--you can never trust your
servants.

_Amph._

Quid est? quo modo? iam quidem hercle ego tibi istam
scelestam, scelus, linguam abscidam.

(_misunderstanding_) What? How is that? Well, by heaven now,
I’ll cut out that villainous tongue for you, you villain!

_Sos._

Tuos sum,
proinde ut commodumst et lubet quidque facias
tamen quin loquar haec uti facta sunt hic,
numquam ullo modo me potes deterrere. 560

(_stubbornly_) I am yours, sir: so do anything that suits
your convenience and taste. However, I shall tell everything
just as it happened here, and you shall never frighten me
out of that, never.

_Amph._

Scelestissime, audes mihi praedicare id,
domi te esse nunc, qui hic ades?

You confounded rascal, do you dare tell me you are at home
this very minute, when you are here with me?

_Sos._

Vera dico.

It is a fact, sir.

_Amph._

Malum quod tibi di dabunt, atque ego hodie
dabo.

A fact you shall soon suffer for--the gods will see to that,
and so will I.

_Sos._

Istuc tibist in manu, nam tuos sum.

That rests with you, sir: I am your man.

_Amph._

Tun me, verbero, audes erum ludificari?
tunc id dicere audes, quod nemo umquam homo antehac
vidit nec potest fieri, tempore uno
homo idem duobus locis ut simul sit?

You dare make fun of me, scoundrel, your master? You dare
tell me a thing no one ever saw before, an impossible
thing--the same man in two places at one time?

_Sos._

Profecto, ut loquor res ita est.

Really, sir, it is just as I say.

_Amph._

Iuppiter te
perdat.

Jove’s curse on you!

_Sos._

Quid mali sum, ere, tua ex re promeritus? 570

What harm have I done you to be punished, sir?

_Amph._

Rogasne, improbe, etiam qui ludos facis me?

Harm? You reprobate! Still making a joke of me, are you?

_Sos._

Merito maledicas mihi, si id ita factum est.[16]
verum haud mentior, resque uti facta dico.

You would have a right to call me names, if that was so. But
I am not lying, sir: it happened just as I say.

_Amph._

Homo hic ebrius est, ut opinor.

The man is drunk, I do believe.

_Sos._

Utinam ita essem.

(_heartily_) Wish I was!

_Amph._

Optas quae facta. 575

(_dryly_) Your wish is already gratified.

_Sos._

Egone?

Is it?

_Amph._

Tu istic. ubi bibisti?

It is. Where did you get drink?

_Sos._

Nusquam equidem bibi.

I did not, not I, nowhere.

_Amph._

Quid hoc sit 576
hominis?

(_despairingly_) What am I to make of the fellow?

_Sos._

Equidem decies dixi:
domi ego sum, inquam, ecquid audis? 577
et apud te adsum Sosia idem.
satin hoc plane, satin diserte, 578
ere, nunc videor
tibi locutus esse?

I have told you how it is ten times over: I am at home, I
say. Do you hear that? Yes, and I am here with you, the same
Sosia. There sir, do you think that is putting it plainly
enough, lucidly enough for you?

_Amph._

Vah, 579
apage te a me.

(_shoving him aside_) Bah! Get away with you.

_Sos._

Quid est negoti? 580

What is the matter?

_Amph._

Pestis te tenet.

You have the plague.

_Sos._

Nam quor istuc
dicis? equidem valeo el salvos
sum recte, Amphitruo.

Why, what do you say that for? Really, sir, I feel well,
I am all right.

_Amph._

At te ego faciam 583
hodie proinde ac meritus es,
ut minus valeas et miser sis, 584a
salvos domum si rediero: iam 584b
sequere sis, erum qui ludificas 585a
dictis delirantibus, 585b

But I shall soon see you get your deserts: you will not feel
so well, you will be wretched enough, once I get back home
all right. Be so good as to follow me, you that make a butt
of your master with your idiotic drivel.

qui quoniam erus quod imperavit neglexisti persequi,
nunc venis etiam ultro inrisum dominum: quae neque fieri
possunt neque fando umquam accepit quisquam profers, carnifex;
quoius ego hodie in tergum faxo ista expetant mendacia.

Seeing you neglected to carry out your master’s orders, you
now have the effrontery to come and laugh at him, to boot,--
with your tales of what can never happen, what no man ever
heard of, you rapscallion. By heaven, those lies of yours
shall fall on your own back, I promise you!

_Sos._

Amphitruo, miserrima istaec miseria est servo bono, 590
apud erum qui vera loquitur, si id vi verum vincitur.

(_plaintively_) It is hard, sir, horribly hard, on a
good servant that tells his master plain facts to have his
facts confuted by a flogging.

_Amph._

Quo id, malum, pacto potest nam--mecum argumentis puta--
fieri, nunc uti tu et hic sis et domi? id dici volo.

Curse it! How in the world is it possible--argue it out with
me--for you to be here now, and at home, too? Tell me that,
will you?

_Sos._

Sum profecto et hic et illic. hoc cuivis mirari licet,
neque tibi istuc mirum[17] magis videtur quam mihi.

I am here and I am there, I positively am. I don’t care who
wonders at it: it is no more wonderful to you than it is to
me, sir.

_Amph._

Quo modo?

How is that?

_Sos._

Nihilo, inquam, mirum magis tibi istuc quam mihi;
neque, ita me di ament, credebam primo mihimet Sosiae,
donec Sosia illic egomet fecit sibi uti crederem.
ordine omne, uti quicque actum est, dum apud hostis sedimus,
edissertavit. tum formam una abstulit cum nomine. 600
neque lac lactis magis est simile quam ille ego similest mei.
nam ut dudum ante lucem a portu me praemisisti domum--

I say it is not a bit more wonderful to you than to me.
So help me heaven, I didn’t believe my own self, Sosia, at
first, not till that other Sosia, myself, made me believe
him. He reeled off every thing just as it happened while we
were on the field there with the enemy; and besides, he had
stolen my looks along with my name. One drop of milk is no
more like another than that I is like me. Why, when you sent
me ahead home from the harbour before dawn a while ago--

_Amph._

Quid igitur?

What then?

_Sos._

Prius multo ante aedis stabam quam illo adveneram.

I was standing in front of the house long before I got
there.

_Amph._

Quas, malum, nugas? satin tu sanus es?

What confounded rubbish! Are you actually in your senses?

_Sos._

Sic sum ut vides.

You can see for yourself I am.

_Amph._

Huic homini nescio quid est mali mala obiectum manu,
postquam a me abiit.

The fellow is bewitched somehow: the evil hand has been laid
on him since he left me.

_Sos._

Fateor, nam sum obtusus pugnis pessume.

Right you are! Evil? The way I got beaten to jelly was
damned evil.

_Amph._

Quis te verberavit?

Who was it beat you?

_Sos._

Egomet memet, qui nunc sum domi.

I beat myself--the I that is at home now.

_Amph._

Cave quicquam, nisi quod rogabo te, mihi responderis.
omnium primum iste qui sit Sosia, hoc dici volo.

Mind now, not a word but what I ask you. In the first place,
I wish to be informed who that Sosia is.

_Sos._

Tuos est servos.

Your own slave.

_Amph._

Mihi quidem uno te plus etiam est quam volo, 610
neque postquam sum natus habui nisi te servom Sosiam.

As a matter of fact, I have one too many in you already, and
never in my life did I own a slave named Sosia except
yourself.

_Sos._

At ego nunc, Amphitruo, dico: Sosiam servom tuom
praeter me alterum, inquam, adveniens faciam ut offendas domi,
Davo prognatum patre eodem quo ego sum, forma, aetate item
qua ego sum. quid opust verbis? geminus Sosia hic factust tibi.

Well sir, you mark my words now: I warrant you you will come
upon a second servant Sosia of yours besides me when you
reach home, yes sir, one whose father was Davus the same
as mine, and who is just like me and just my age, too. Enough
said, sir. Sosia has twinned here for you.

_Amph._

Nimia memoras mira. sed vidistin uxorem meam?

(_impressed_) Strange, very strange indeed! But did you see
my wife?

_Sos._

Quin intro ire in aedis numquam licitum est.

Why, sir, never a foot was I allowed to put in the house.

_Amph._

Quis te prohibuit?

Who hindered you?

_Sos._

Sosia ille, quem iam dudum dico, is qui me contudit.

That Sosia I have been telling of all along, the one that
smashed me up.

_Amph._

Quis istic Sosia est?

Who is that Sosia?

_Amph._

Ego, inquam. quotiens dicendum est tibi?

I am, I say. How many times do you need to be told?

_Amph._

Sed quid ais? num obdormivisti dudum?

(_reflecting_) But look here, you were not asleep a while
ago, were you?

_Sos._

Nusquam gentium. 620

Not a bit of it, sir.

_Amph._

Ibi forte istum si vidisses quendam in somnis Sosiam--

Then perhaps, if you had seen that, well, that Sosia of
yours in your dreams--

_Sos._

Non soleo ego somniculose eri imperia persequi.
vigilans vidi, vigilans nunc te video, vigilans fabulor,
vigilantem ille me iam dudum vigilans pugnis contudit.

I don’t do my master’s orders drowsily. Wide awake I was,
eyes open; I am wide awake with ’em open on you now; I am
wide awake telling my story; and I was wide awake when he
hammered me a while back, yes, and (_ruefully_) he was
wide awake.

_Amph._

Quis homo?

Who?

_Sos._

Sosia, inquam, ego ille. quaeso, nonne intellegis?

Sosia, I tell you, that me. Pray do not you understand?

_Amph._

Qui, malum, intellegere quisquam potis est? ita nugas blatis.

How the devil can any man understand? Such stuff and
nonsense!

_Sos._

Verum actutum nosces, quom illum nosces servom Sosiam.

(_significantly_) Well, you will know what I mean very
soon, once you know that servant Sosia.

_Amph._

Sequere hac igitur me,
nam mi istuc primum exquisito est opus.[18] (628)

(_going toward house_) Come then, this way. This matter
needs my investigation first of all. (_stops to examine
house from distance and talks with Sosia_)

II. 2.

Scene 2.

ENTER _Alcmena_ INTO DOORWAY.

_Alc._

Satin parva res est voluptatum in vita atque in aetate agunda 633
praequam quod molestum est? ita cuique comparatum est in
aetate hominum;
ita divis est placitum, voluptatem ut maeror comes consequatur:
quin incommodi plus malique ilico adsit, boni si optigit quid.

Oh, are not the pleasures in life, in this daily round,
trifling compared with the pains! It is our common
human lot, it is heaven’s will, for sorrow to come
following after joy: yes, yes, and to have a larger share of
trouble and distress the moment something nice has happened.

nam ego id nunc experior domo atque ipsa de me scio, cui voluptas
parumper datast, dum viri mei mihi potestas videndi fuit
noctem unam modo; atque is repente abiit a me hinc ante lucem.
sola hic mihi nunc videor, quia ille hinc abest quem ego amo
praeter omnes. 640
plus aegri ex abitu viri, quam ex adventu voluptatis cepi.

Ah, I am learning this now at first hand, learning it of my
own experience--a few short hours of happiness, allowed to
see my husband for just one night; and then away he goes all
of a sudden before daylight! It does seem so lonely here
now, when the one I love best is gone. I have felt more
unhappy at his going than happy at his coming.

sed hoc me beat
saltem, quom perduellis vicit et domum laudis compos revenit:
id solacio est.
absit, dum modo laude parta
domum recipiat se; feram et perferam usque
abitum eius animo forti atque offirmato, id modo si mercedis
datur mi, ut meus victor vir belli clueat.

But there is thus much to be thankful for, at least: he has
been victorious and come home a hero--that is one comfort.
He may leave me, if only he returns to me with a glorious
name: I will bear his going, yes, and keep on bearing it
to the end firmly and unflinchingly, only let me have the
reward of hearing my husband hailed conqueror.

satis mi esse ducam.
virtus praemium est optimum;
virtus omnibus rebus anteit profecto:
libertas salus vita res et parentes, patria et prognati 650
tutantur, servantur:
virtus omnia in sese habet, omnia adsunt
bona quem penest virtus

That is enough for me! Courage is the very best gift of all;
courage stands before everything, it does, it does! It is
what maintains and preserves our liberty, safety, life, and
our homes and parents, our country and children. Courage
comprises all things: a man with courage has every blessing.

_Amph._

Edepol me uxori exoptatum credo adventurum domum,
quae me amat, quam contra amo, praesertim re gesta bene,
victis hostibus. quos nemo posse superari ratust,
eos auspicio meo atque ductu primo coetu vicimus
certe enim med illi expectatum optato venturum scio.

By Jove, my wife will certainly be delighted to have me
home--loving each other as we do! Especially now that we
have been successful, and the enemy, that every one thought
invincible, beaten, beaten at the first set-to under my
auspices and leadership. Ah yes, my arrival will
surely be a very welcome event to her.

_Sos._

Quid? me non rere expectatum amicae venturum meae?

What? And don’t you think mine is going to be welcome to my
lady friend?

_Alc._

Meus vir hic quidem est.

(_seeing them_) Why, here is my husband!

_Amph._

Sequere hac tu me.

(_to Sosia_) Here you, this way! (_goes on toward house_)

_Alc._

Nam quid ille revortitur, 660
qui dudum properare se aibat? an ille me temptat sciens
atque id se volt experiri, suom abitum ut desiderem?
ecastor med haud invita se domum recipit suam.

(_aside_) What in the world is he back for so soon after
saying he must hurry off! Is he trying me on purpose, does
he want to test how much I miss him when he goes? Bless his
heart, I have no objection to his coming home again!

_Sos._

Amphitruo, redire ad navem meliust nos.

(_seeing her_) We had better make for the ship once more,
sir.

_Amph._

Qua gratia?

Why?

_Sos._

Quia domi daturus nemo est prandium advenientibus

No one at home is going to give the new arrivals a
breakfast, that is why.

_Amph._

Qui tibi nunc istuc in mentemst?

And how does that thought happen to occur to you?

_Sos._

Quia enim sero advenimus.

Because we’ve come too late.

_Amph._

Qui?

How so?

_Sos._

Quia Alcumenam ante aedis stare saturam intellego.

(_pointing_) Well, there’s mistress in front of the house,
and she has a sort of well-fed look about her.

_Amph._

Gravidam ego illanc hic reliqui, quom abeo.

I had hopes when I went away, Sosia, of being made a father.

_Sos._

Ei perii miser.

Heaven help me!

_Amph._

Quid tibi est?

What is the matter?

_Sos._

Ad aquam praebendam commodum adveni domum,
decumo post mense, ut rationem te putare intellego 670

(_disgustedly_) I have got home exactly in time to draw the
water: it is the tenth month since, according as I follow
your reckoning.

_Amph._

Bono animo es.

(_laughing_) Cheer up, cheer up!

_Sos._

Scin quam bono animo sim? si situlam cepero,
numquam edepol tu mihi divini creduis post hunc diem,
ni ego illi puteo, si occepso, animam omnem inter traxero.

Know how cheerful I am, do you, sir? Let me get hold of a
bucket, and by gad, don’t ever trust my sacred oath again,
if I do not drain that well of its last breath, once I
begin.

_Amph._

Sequere hac me modo, alium ego isti rei allegabo, ne time.

Come now, this way with me. (_moves toward house again_)
I will appoint some one else to that office, never fear.

_Alc._

Magis nunc me meum officium facere, si huic eam advorsum, arbitror.

(_aside_) I suppose it would be more duteous of me to go to
meet him. (_advances slowly_)

_Amph._

Amphitruo uxorem salutat laetus speratam suam,
quam omnium Thebis vir unam esse optimam diiudicat,
quamque adeo cives Thebani vero rumiferant probam.
valuistin usque? exspectatum advenio?

(_with playful courtliness_) Gladly does Amphitryon greet
his darling wife, whom her husband judges to be the one
best lady in all Thebes; yea, and justly do the citizens of
Thebes bruit her virtue. (_earnestly_) Have you been well
all this time? Are you glad to see me?

_Sos._

Haud vidi magis.
exspectatum eum salutat magis haud quicquam quam canem. 680

(_aside_) Glad? None more so! Welcomes him about as warmly
as she would a dog!

_Amph._

Et quom te[19] gravidam et quom te pulchre plenam aspicio, gaudeo.

Ah, it is splendid to see your condition, dear, and to see
you getting on so finely.

_Alc._

Obsecro ecastor, quid tu me deridiculi gratia
sic salutas atque appellas, quasi dudum non videris
quasique nunc primum recipias te domum huc ex hostibus?[20] (684)

Good gracious! Why are you making fun of me with all these
greetings and salutations, as if you had not seen me a
little while ago and were just this moment back from the
war?

_Amph._

Immo equidem te nisi nunc hodie nusquam vidi gentium. (686)

(_surprised_) Why, why, but I have not seen you--no,
nowhere at all except this very instant.

_Alc._

Cur negas?

What makes you deny it?

_Amph._

Quia vera didici dicere.

Because I have learned to tell the truth.

_Alc._

Haud aequom facit
qui quod didicit id dediscit. an periclitamini
quid animi habeam? sed quid huc vos revortimini tam cito?
an te auspicium commoratum est an tempestas continet 690
qui non abiisti ad legiones, ita uti dudum dixeras?

It is not a good plan to learn a thing and then unlearn it.
Or is this a test of my feelings? But why are you returning
so quickly? Were you delayed by bad omens, or is it the
weather detains you, that you have not gone away to the
army, as you spoke of doing a little while ago?

_Amph._

Dudum? quam dudum istuc factum est?

A little while ago? How little a while ago was that?

_Alc._

Temptas. iam dudum, modo.

Tease! Oh, quite a little while ago--just now.

_Amph._

Qui istuc potis est fieri, quaeso, ut dicis: iam dudum, modo?

For heaven’s sake, how can those statements agree--“quite a
little while ago” and “just now”?

_Alc._

Quid enim censes? te ut deludam contra lusorem meum,
qui nunc primum te advenisse dicas, modo qui hinc abieris.

Well, how do you suppose? I am merely trying to make game of
you for a change, after your making game of me by saying
this is your first appearance here, when you just now left
us.

_Amph._

Haec quidem deliramenta loquitur.

(_to Sosia_) Upon my soul, she is raving!

_Sos._

Paulisper mane,
dum edormiscat unum somnum.

Wait a while till she has slept out just one sleep.

_Amph._

Quaene vigilans somniat?

What, awake and dreaming?

_Alc._

Equidem ecastor vigilo, et vigilans id quod factum est fabulor.
nam dudum ante lucem et istunc et te vidi.

(_indignantly_) To be sure I am awake, and awake as I
relate what happened. Why, just a little while ago before
dawn I saw that man and you, both.

_Amph._

Quo in loco?

Where was this?

_Alc._

Hic in aedibus ubi tu habitas.

Here in your very own house, sir.

_Amph._

Numquam factum est.

Impossible!

_Sos._

Non taces? 700
quid si e portu navis huc nos dormientis detulit?

Hush, sir, hush! What if the ship carried us here from the
harbour in our sleep?

_Amph._

Etiam tu quoque adsentaris huic?

Ha! you are siding with her too, are you?

_Sos._

Quid vis fieri?
non tu scis? Bacchae bacchanti si velis advorsarier,
ex insana insaniorem facies, feriet saepius;
si obsequare, una resolvas plaga.

(_wisely_) Well, what do you want? Don’t you understand? You
but cross a Bacchante when the Bacchic frenzy fills her, and
you’ll make the crazy thing crazier still and she’ll hit you
all the more: humour her, and she’ll call it quits after one
blow.

_Amph._

At pol qui certa res
hanc est obiurgare, quae me hodie advenientem domum
noluerit salutare.

Humour her? By the Lord, it will be bad humour, that’s
sure,--arriving home to-day and she unwilling to give me a
decent welcome!

_Sos._

Inritabis crabrones.

You’ll be poking up a hornet’s nest.

_Amph._

Tace.
Alcumena, unum rogare te volo.

Silence! (_to Alcmena, sternly_) Alcmena, there is
something I wish to ask you.

_Alc._

Quid vis roga.

Anything you please.

_Amph._

Num tibi aut stultitia accessit aut superat superbia?

Are you obsessed by some foolish notion, or is this pride
running away with you?

_Alc._

Qui istuc in mentemst tibi ex me, mi vir, percontarier? 710

What makes it enter your head to ask me such a question, my
husband?

_Amph._

Quia salutare advenientem me solebas antidhac,
appellare, itidem ut pudicae suos viros quae sunt solent.
eo more expertem te factam adveniens offendi domi.

Because till to-day you used to welcome me on my arrival
and greet me as modest wives generally do their husbands.
Yet here I come home to find you have dropped the habit.

_Alc._

Ecastor equidem te certo heri advenientem ilico,
et salutavi et valuissesne usque exquisivi simul,
mi vir, et manum prehendi et osculum tetuli tibi.

Why mercy me, when you came home yesterday I certainly did
welcome you the moment you appeared, and asked you in the
same breath if you had been well all the time, and seized
your hand and gave you a kiss.

_Sos._

Tun heri hunc salutavisti?

Welcomed him yesterday, did you?

_Alc._

Et te quoque etiam, Sosia.

Yes, and you, too, Sosia.

_Sos._

Amphitruo, speravi ego istam tibi parituram filium;
verum non est puero gravida.

Sir, I hoped she was going to bear you a son; but it’s no
child she’s got.

_Amph._

Quid igitur?

What, then?

_Sos._

Insania.

A crazy streak.

_Alc._

Equidem sana sum et deos quaeso, ut salva pariam filium. 720
verum tu malum magnum habebis, si his suom officium facit:
ob istuc omen, ominator, capies quod te condecet.

(_angrily_) Indeed I have not, and I pray heaven I may
safely bear a son. But you, sir, shall have an ample supply
of aches and pains, if your master here does his duty! You
shall be well rewarded for that omen, Sir Omener.

_Sos._

Enim vero praegnati oportet et malum et malum dari,
ut quod obrodat sit, animo si male esse occeperit.

Really now, ma’am, it’s a lady in your condition ought to
have aches and pains, yes, and an apple supply, too, so as
to have something to chew on in case she gets to feeling
seedy.

_Amph._

Tu me heri hic vidisti?

You saw me here yesterday?

_Alc._

Ego, inquam, si vis decies dicere.

Yes, I,--if you must be told ten times over.

_Amph._

In somnis fortasse?

In your sleep, perhaps?

_Alc._

Immo vigilans vigilantem.

No, no, awake,--and you were awake, too.

_Amph._

Ei misero mihi.

Oh, this is terrible, terrible!

_Sos._

Quid tibi est?

What ails you?

_Amph._

Delirat uxor.

My wife is raving!

_Sos._

Atra bili percita est.
nulla res tam delirantis homines concinnat cito.

Bilious attack, sir, black bile. There’s nothing sets ’em
raving so soon.

_Amph._

Ubi primum tibi sensisti, mulier, impliciscier?

When did you first feel it coming on, woman?

_Alc._

Equidem ecastor sana et salva sum.

Goodness me! I’m perfectly sane and sound.

_Amph._

Quor igitur praedicas, 730
te heri me vidisse, qui hac noctu in portum advecti sumus?
ibi cenavi atque ibi quievi in navi noctem perpetem,
neque meum pedem huc intuli etiam in aedis, ut cum exercitu
hinc profectus sum ad Teloboas hostis eosque ut vicimus.

Then why are you declaring you saw me yesterday, when we
reached port last night? I took dinner there and spent the
whole livelong night there on board my ship, and I have not
set foot in this house from the time I and my troops started
on our campaign against the Teloboians and conquered them.

_Alc._

Immo mecum cenavisti et mecum cubuisti.

The idea! You had dinner with me and went to bed with me.

_Amph._

Quid est?

What?

_Alc._

Vera dico.

I tell you the truth, sir.

_Amph._

Non de hac quidem hercle re; de aliis nescio.

Good God! Not in that, anyhow: about other matters I can’t
say.

_Alc._

Primulo diluculo abiisti ad legiones.

And at the very break of day you went away to the army.

_Amph._

Quo modo?

How’s that?

_Sos._

Recte dicit, ut commeminit: somnium narrat tibi.
sed, mulier, postquam experrecta es, te prodigiali Iovi
aut mola salsa hodie aut ture comprecatam oportuit. 740

Quite straight, sir, as far as her memory goes: she’s giving
you her dream. But I say, ma’am, this morning after you woke
up you ought to have taken some salted cakes, or incense,
and prayed to Jove--he has charge of prodigies.

_Alc._

Vae capiti tuo.

Oh confound you, sir!

_Sos._

Tua istuc refert--si curaveris.

(_innocently_) That would do you good, ma’am--if you
would see to it.

_Alc._

Iterum iam hic in me inclementer dicit, atque id sine malo.

There he is, rude to me again, and not suffering for it!

_Amph._

Tace tu. tu dic: egone abs te abii hinc hodie cum diluculo?

(_to Sosia_) Keep still, you! (_to Alcmena_) And you--I left
you this morning at daybreak, did I?

_Alc._

Quis igitur nisi vos narravit mi, illi ut fuerit proelium?

Why, who else but you two told me how the battle there went?

_Amph._

An etiam id tu scis?

You don’t mean to say you know about that?

_Alc._

Quippe qui ex te audivi, ut urbem maximam
expugnavisses regemque Pterelam tute occideris.

Naturally, since I heard from your own lips how you took
that great city and killed King Pterelas yourself.

_Amph._

Egone istuc dixi?

I told you that, I?

_Alc._

Tute istic, etiam adstante hoc Sosia.

Yes, you yourself,--with Sosia here standing by, too.

_Amph._

Audivistin tu me narrare haec hodie?

(_to Sosia_) Have you ever heard me say a word of this?

_Sos._

Ubi ego audiverim?

Heard you? Where?

_Amph._

Hanc roga.

(_sullenly_) Ask her.

_Sos._

Me quidem praesente numquam factum est, quod sciam.

You never did so far as I know, leastways with me at hand.

_Alc._

Mirum quin te adversus dicat.

(_ironically_) It is strange he declines to contradict his
own master.

_Amph._

Sosia, age me huc aspice. 750

Sosia, here! Look me in the eye.

_Sos._

Specto.

(_obeying_) Very good, sir.

_Amph._

Vera volo loqui te, nolo adsentari mihi.
audivistin tu hodie me illi dicere ea quae illa autumat?

What I want from you is the truth, no obsequiousness. Did
you ever hear me utter a syllable of what she says?

_Sos._

Quaeso edepol, num tu quoque etiam insanis, quom id me interrogas,
qui ipsus equidem nunc primum istanc tecum conspicio simul?

Well, upon my word, I should like to ask if you are not
crazy yourself, asking me a question like that--and I just
this minute setting eyes on her for the first time along
with you?

_Amph._

Quid nunc, mulier? audin illum?

What now, madam? Do you hear him?

_Alc._

Ego vero, ac falsum dicere.

To be sure I do--telling lies.

_Amph._

Neque tu illi neque mihi viro ipsi credis?

You won’t believe him, or me, your own husband, either?

_Alc._

Eo fit quia mihi
plurimum credo et scio istaec facta proinde ut proloquor.

That is only because I believe myself most of all, and I
know everything occurred just as I tell you.

_Amph._

Tun me heri advenisse dicis?

And you say that I arrived yesterday?

_Alc._

Tun te abiisse hodie hinc negas?

And you deny that you left to-day?

_Amph._

Nego enim vero, et me advenire nunc primum aio ad te domum.

Deny it? Of course I do. And I say I’m just now coming home
to you for the first time.

_Alc._

Obsecro, etiamne hoc negabis, te auream pateram mihi 760
dedisse dono hodie, qua te illi donatum esse dixeras?

And will you deny this, too, pray,--that you gave me the
golden bowl to-day that was presented to you there, as you
said?

_Amph._

Neque edepol dedi neque dixi; verum ita animatus fui
itaque nunc sum, ut ea te patera donem. sed quis istuc tibi dixit?

By heaven! I neither gave it nor said it. But I did intend
to make you a gift of that bowl, and do still. Who told you
of that, though?

_Alc._

Ego equidem ex te audivi et ex tua accepi manu pateram.

Why, I heard about it from your own lips and received the
bowl from your own hand.

_Amph._

Mane, mane, obsecro te. nimis demiror, Sosia,
qui illaec illic me donatum esse aurea patera sciat,
nisi tu dudum hanc convenisti et narravisti haec omnia.

One moment, please, one moment! (_turning to Sosia_) It
is very extraordinary. Sosia, how she knows I was presented
with a golden bowl there, unless you met her a while ago
yourself and told her the whole story.

_Sos._

Neque edepol ego dixi neque istam vidi nisi tecum simul.

By gad, sir, I never told her, no, nor saw her, except here
with you.

_Amph._

Quid hoc sit hominis?

(_helplessly_) What sort of a creature have I got here?

_Alc._

Vin proferri pateram?

Would you like to have the bowl brought?

_Amph._

Proferri volo.

Indeed I should.

_Alc._

Fiat heus tu, Thessala, intus pateram proferto foras, 770
qua hodie meus vir donavit me.

Very well. (_calling to maid within_) Ho, there! Thessala,
bring out the bowl my husband gave me to day.

_Amph._

Secede huc tu, Sosia,
enim vero illud praeter alia mira miror maxime,
si haec habet pateram illam.

Sosia! Come over here. (_they withdraw somewhat_) Upon my
soul, it will be the most astounding of all these astounding
circumstances, if she has that.

_Sos._

An etiam credis id, quae in hac cistellula
tuo signo obsignata fertur?

Do you really believe that, sir, when I’ve got it in this
little chest here, sealed with your own signet?

_Amph._

Salvom signum est?

Is the seal intact?

_Sos._

Inspice.

(_showing chest_) Look and see.

_Amph._

Recte, ita est ut obsignavi.

(_doing so_) It is all right--just as I sealed it.

_Sos._

Quaeso, quin tu istanc iubes
pro cerrita circumferri?

For heaven’s sake, why don’t you have her treated for
lunacy?

_Amph._

Edepol qui facto est opus;
nam haec quidem edepol larvarum plenast.

By Jove, so I should! Why, bless my soul, she’s full of evil
spirits!

ENTER _Thessala_ WITH BOWL.

_Alc._

Quid verbis opust?
em tibi pateram, eccam.

Are you satisfied, sir? There! Your bowl, see!

_Amph._

Cedo mi.

(_dumbfounded_) Give it here!

_Alc._

Age aspice huc sis nunciam
tu qui quae facta infitiare, quem ego iam hic convincam palam
estne haec patera qua donatu’s illi?

Come now, be so good as to look at it, you that do a thing
and then disown it. I shall refute you plainly, sir, here
and now. Is this the bowl which they presented to you there,
or not?

_Amph._

Summe Iuppiter, 780
quid ego video? haec ea est profecto patera. perii, Sosia.

(_taking it_) Jove almighty! What do I see? The
selfsame bowl, it is, it is! This is frightful, Sosia!

_Sos._

Aut pol haec praestigiatrix multo mulier maxima est
aut pateram hic inesse oportet.

By gad, she’s either the greatest enchantress alive, easily,
or the bowl must be inside here. (_pointing to chest_)

_Amph._

Agedum, exsolve cistulam.

Come, come, unfasten the chest!

_Sos._

Quid ego istam exsolvam? obsignatast recte, res gesta est bene:
tu peperisti Amphitruonem, ego alium peperi Sosiam;
nunc si patera pateram peperit, omnes congeminavimus.

Unfasten it? Why? It’s sealed all right, everything is
shipshape. You have spawned another Amphitryon; I have
spawned another Sosia; now if the bowl has spawned another
bowl, we’ve all doubled.

_Amph._

Certum est aperire atque inspicere.

I’m resolved: it must be opened and inspected.

_Sos._

Vide sis signi quid siet,
ne posterius in me culpam conferas.

You please take a look at the seal, sir, so that you won’t
blame me later.

_Amph._

Aperi modo;
nam haec quidem nos delirantis facere dictis postulat.

(_looking_) Yes, yes, open up! Why, the woman is bent on
driving us mad with her talk.

_Alc._

Unde haec igitur est nisi abs te quae mihi dono data est? 790

Where did this come from, then, if not as a present from you?

_Amph._

Opus mi est istuc exquisito.

(_curtly_) This matter needs my investigation.

_Sos._

Iuppiter, pro Iuppiter.

(_busy with chest_) By Jove! Oh, by Jove!

_Amph._

Quid tibi est?

(_excited_) What is it?

_Sos._

Hic patera nulla in cistulast.

There’s no bowl in the chest here at all!

_Amph._

Quid ego audio?

What’s that you say?

_Sos._

Id quod verumst.

It’s the honest truth.

_Amph._

At cum cruciatu iam, nisi apparet, tuo.

But your skin shall soon pay for it, if it’s not forthcoming.

_Alc._

Haec quidem apparet.

This one is forthcoming, at any rate.

_Amph._

Quis igitur tibi dedit?

(_roughly_) Who gave it you, then?

_Alc._

Qui me rogat.

(_calmly_) My questioner.

_Sos._

Me captas, quia tute ab navi clanculum huc alia via
praecucurristi, atque hinc pateram tute exemisti atque eam
huic dedisti, post hanc rursum obsignasti clanculum.

(_to Amphitryon_) Trying to catch me! The fact is you ran on
ahead from the ship yourself by another road on the sly, and
took the bowl out yourself, and gave it to her, and then
sealed up the chest again on the sly.

_Amph._

Ei mihi, iam tu quoque huius adiuvas insaniam?
an heri nos advenisse huc?

Oh, ye gods! So now you are abetting her delusions, too!
(_to Alcmena, with forced calmness_) We came here yesterday,
you say?

_Alc._

Aio, adveniensque ilico
me salutavisti, et ego te, et osculum tetuli tibi. 800

Yes, and the moment you arrived you greeted me, and I you,
and I gave you a kiss.

_Sos._

Iam illud non placet principium de osculo.

Now I don’t like that, that beginning with a kiss!

_Amph._

Perge exsequi.

Go on, go on!

_Alc._

Lavisti.

Then you bathed.

_Amph._

Quid postquam lavi?

And after bathing?

_Alc._

Accubuisti.

You took your place on the dining couch.

_Sos._

Euge optime,
nunc exquire.

Bravo, sir! Great work! Now get to the bottom of it.

_Amph._

Ne interpella. perge porro dicere.

(_to Sosia_) No interruptions! (_to Alcmena_) Go on with
your story.

_Alc._

Cena adposita est, cenavisti mecum, ego accubui simul.

Dinner was served: we dined together: I took my place on the
couch, too.

_Amph._

In eodem lecto?

The same couch?

_Alc._

In eodem.

Surely.

_Sos._

Ei, non placet convivium.

Oho! This banqueting looks bad!

_Amph._

Sine modo argumenta dicat. quid postquam cenavimus?

(_to Sosia_) That will do. Let her state her case. (_to
Alcmena_) What after we dined?

_Alc._

Te dormitare aibas, mensa ablata est. cubitum hinc abiimus.

You said you were sleepy: the table was removed: we went off
to bed.

_Amph._

Ubi tu cubuisti?

Where did you sleep?

_Alc._

In eodem lecto tecum una in cubiculo.

Why, with you, in our room.

_Amph._

Perdidisti.

Oh, my God!

_Sos._

Quid tibi est?

What ails you?

_Amph._

Haec me modo ad mortem dedit.

She has killed me, killed me!

_Alc._

Quid iam, amabo?

Why, my dear man, what do you mean?

_Amph._

Ne me appella.

(_furiously_) Don’t speak to me!

_Sos._

Quid tibi est?

What ails you?

_Amph._

Perii miser, 810
quia pudicitiae huius vitium me hinc absente est additum.

Oh, God help me! She’s been seduced while I was gone!

_Alc._

Obsecro ecastor, cur istuc, mi vir, ex ted audio?

Good heavens! For mercy’s sake how can you say such a thing,
my dear husband?

_Amph._

Vir ego tuos sim? ne me appella, falsa, falso nomine.

Am I your husband? Oh, you false wretch, none of your false
names for me!

_Sos_

Haeret haec res, si quidem haec iam mulier facta est ex viro.

Here’s a pretty mess, if he is turned into a woman and is
not her husband!

_Alc_

Quid ego feci, qua istaec propter dicta dicantur mihi?

What have I done to be talked to like that?

_Amph._

Tute edictas facta tua, ex me quaeris quid deliqueris.

You have recounted your doings yourself--and you ask me what
the harm is!

_Alc_

Quid ego tibi deliqui, si, cum nupta sum, tecum fui?

Pray tell me what I have done in being with you, the man I
married?

_Amph._

Tun mecum fueris? quid illac impudente audacius?
saltem, tute si pudoris egeas, sumas mutuom.

You with me? Of all brazen shamelessness! You might at least
borrow some sense of decency, if you have none of your own!

_Alc._

Istuc facinus, quod tu insimulas, nostro generi non decet. 820
tu si me inpudicitiai captas, capere non potes.

Such behaviour as you accuse me of does not become members
of my family, sir. Angle for me if you wish, you cannot
catch me in such unspeakable conduct.

_Amph._

Pro di immortales, cognoscin tu me saltem, Sosia?

Great God! You know me, anyhow, Sosia, don’t you?

_Sos_

Propemodum.

Well, rather!

_Amph._

Cenavin ego heri in navi in portu Persico?

Didn’t I dine yesterday on shipboard at Port Persicus?

_Alc._

Mihi quoque adsunt testes, qui illud quod ego dicam adsentiant.

Yes, and I too have witnesses to corroborate what I say.

_Sos._

Nescio quid istuc negoti dicam, nisi si quispiam est
Amphitruo alius, qui forte ted hinc absenti tamen
tuam rem curet teque absente hic munus fungatur tuom.
nam quod de illo subditivo Sosia mirum nimis,
certe de istoc Amphitruone iam alterum mirum est magis.

I can’t puzzle it out, sir, unless there’s some other
Amphitryon to manage your business, no matter if you are
away, and to do your job for you when you have gone. I tell
you what, that sham Sosia was monstrous surprising, but this
second Amphitryon is certainly more so.

_Amph._

Nescio quis praestigiator hanc frustratur mulierem. 830

Some magician or other has bedevilled the woman!

_Alc._

Per supremi regis regnum iuro et matrem familias
Iunonem, quam me vereri et metuere est par maxume,
ut mi extra unum te mortalis nemo corpus corpore
contigit, quo me impudicam faceret.

(_slowly and impressively_) I swear by the kingdom of the
King on high and by Juno, the matron goddess I most should
reverence and fear--so may she bless me as no mortal man,
save you only, has taken me to him as a wife.

_Amph._

Vera istaec velim.

Ah, I wish it was the truth!

_Alc._

Vera dico, sed nequiquam, quoniam non vis credere.

It is the truth, but what of that, when you refuse to
believe me!

_Amph._

Mulier es, audacter iuras.

You’re a woman; you swear boldly.

_Alc._

Quae non deliquit, decet
audacem esse, confidenter pro se et proterve loqui.

A woman who has done nothing wrong ought to be bold, yes,
and self confident and forward in her own defence.

_Amph._

Satis audacter.

Bold, with a vengeance!

_Alc._

Ut pudicam decet.

As innocence should be.

_Amph._

Enim verbis proba’s.[21]

Yes, you’re immaculate as far as talk goes.

_Alc._

Non ego illam mihi dotem duco esse, quae dos dicitur,
sed pudicitiam et pudorem et sedatum cupidinem, 840
deum metum, parentum amorem et cognatum concordiam,
tibi morigera atque ut munifica sim bonis, prosim probis.

(_quietly_) Personally I do not feel that my dowry is that
which people call a dowry, but purity and honour and self
control, fear of God, love of parents, and affection for
my family, and being a dutiful wife to you, sir, lavish of
loving-kindness and helpful through honest service.

_Sos._

Ne ista edepol, si haec vera loquitur, examussim est optima.

My word! She’s a regular pattern of perfection, if she’s
telling the truth.

_Amph._

Delenitus sum profecto ita, ut me qui sim nesciam.

Upon my soul, I have been so bewitched I don’t know who I
am!

_Sos._

Amphitruo es profecto, cave sis ne tu te usu perduis:
ita nunc homines immutantur, postquam peregre advenimus.

You’re Amphitryon right enough, sir--but just look out you
don’t lose your title to yourself by limitation, the way
folks are getting changed about these days since we came
back from abroad.

_Amph._

Mulier, istam rem inquisitam certum est non amittere.

(_to Alcmena, sternly_) This matter shall not escape
investigation, madam, I am resolved on that.

_Alc._

Edepol me libente facies.

Dear me, sir, do investigate, and welcome!

_Amph._

Quid ais? responde mihi.
quid si adduco tuom cognatum huc ab navi Naucratem,
qui mecum una vectust una navi, atque is si denegat 850
facta quae tu facta dicis, quid tibi aequom est fieri?
numquid causam dicis, quin te hoc multem matrimionio?

See here, answer me this--what if I bring your own relative,
Naucrates, over from the ship? He made the voyaage with me
on the same vessel--now if he denies that I did as you say
what do you deserve? Have you any reason to give that I
should not divorce you?

_Alc._

Si deliqui, nulla causa est.

None, if I have done wrong.

_Amph._

Convenit. tu, Sosia,
duc hos intro. ego huc ab navi mecum adducam Naucratem.

Agreed! (_turning to Sosia_) Sosia, take these fellows in.
(_pointing to slaves with luggage_) I will bring Naucrates
here from the ship. (_Sosia sends slaves inside_)
[EXIT _Amphitryon_.

_Sos._

Nunc quidem praeter nos nemo est. dic mihi verum serio:
ecquis alius Sosia intust, qui mei similis siet?

(_to Alcmena, confidentially_) Now then, ma’am, no one’s
here besides us. (_elaborately makes sure of it_) Do be
serious and tell me the truth--is there another Sosia inside
who’s just like me?

_Alc._

Abin hinc a me dignus domino servos?

(_indignantly_) Will you leave my sight, sir--you slave
worthy of your master!

_Sos._

Abeo, si iubes.

Sure, ma’am, if you say so. [EXIT INTO HOUSE.

_Alc._

Nimis ecastor facinus mirum est, qui illi conlibitum siet
meo viro sic me insimulare falso facinus tam malum.
quicquid est, iam ex Naucrate cognato id cognoscam meo. 860

Merciful heavens! It’s simply unintelligible, how my husband
could think fit to accuse me of such atrocious conduct
without the slightest cause. Well, whatever it is, I shall
soon know about it from Naucrates, one of my own family.
[EXIT INTO HOUSE.

ACTVS III