Chapter XVII: Act I: Eucl

Exi, inquam. age exi. exeundum hercle tibi hinc est foras, 40
circumspectatrix cum oculis emissicus.

(_within_) Out with you, I say! Come now, out with you! By
the Lord, you’ve got to get out of here, you snook-around,
you, with your prying and spying.

ENTER _Staphyla_ FROM _Euclio’s_ HOUSE, FOLLOWED BY _Euclio_
WHO IS PUSHING AND BEATING HER.

_Staph._

Nam cur me miseram verberas?

(_groaning_) Oh, what makes you go a-hitting a poor wretch
like me, sir?

_Eucl._

Ut misera sis
atque ut te dignam mala malam aetatem exigas.

(_savagely_) To make sure you are a poor wretch, so as to
give a bad lot the bad time she deserves.

_Staph._

Nam qua me nunc causa extrusisti ex aedibus?

Why, what did you push me out of the house for now?

_Eucl._

Tibi ego rationem reddam, stimulorum seges?
illuc regredere ab ostio. illuc sis vide,
ut incedit. at scin quo modo tibi res se habet?
si hercle hodie fustem cepero aut stimulum in manum,
testudineum istum tibi ego grandibo gradum.

I give my reasons to you, you,--you patch of beats, you?
Over there with you, (_pointing_) away from the door!
(_Staphyla hobbles to place indicated_) Just look at her,
will you,--how she creeps along! See here, do you know
what’11 happen to you? Now by heaven, only let me lay my
hand on a club or a stick and I’ll accelerate that tortoise
crawl for you!

_Staph._

Utinam me divi adaxint ad suspendium 50
potius quidem quam hoc pacto apud te servium.

(_aside_) Oh, I wish Heaven would make me hang myself, I do!
Better that than slaving it for you at this rate, I’m sure.

_Eucl._

At ut scelesta sola secum murmurat
oculos hercle ego istos, improba, ecfodiam tibi,
ne me observare possis quid rerum geram
abscede etiam nunc--etiam nunc--etiam--ohe.

(_aside_) Hear the old criminal mumbling away to herself,
though! (_aloud_) Ah! those eyes of yours, you old sinner!
By heaven, I’ll dig ’em out for you. I will, so that you
can’t keep watching me whatever I do. Get farther off
still! still farther! still--Whoa!

istic astato. si hercle tu ex istoc loco
digitum transvorsum aut unguem latum excesseris
aut si respexis, donicum ego te iussero,
continuo hercle ego te dedam discipulam cruci.

Stand there! You budge a finger’s breadth a nail’s breadth
from that spot; you so much as turn your head till I say
the word, and by the Almighty, the next minute I’ll send
you to the gallows for a lesson, so I will.

scelestiorem me hac anu certo scio 60
vidisse numquam, nimisque ego hanc metuo male,
ne mi ex insidiis verba imprudent duit
neu persentiscat aurum ubi est absconditum,
quae in occipitio quoque habet oculos pessima.
nunc ibo ut visam sitne ita aurum ut condidi,
quod me sollicitat plurimis miserum modis.

(_aside_) A worse reprobate than this old crone I never did
see, no, never. Oh, but how horribly scared I am she’ll come
some sly dodge on me when I’m not expecting it, and smell
out the place where the gold is hidden. She has eyes in the
very back of her head, the hell-cat. Now I’ll just go see if
the gold is where I hid it. Dear, dear, it worries the life
out of me! [EXIT _Euclio_ INTO HOUSE.

_Staph._

Noenum mecastor quid ego ero dicam meo
malae rei evenisse quamve insaniam,
queo comminisci; ita me miseram ad hunc modum
decies die uno saepe extrudit aedibus. 70
nescio pol quae illunc hominem intemperiae tenent;
pervigilat noctes totas, tum autem interdius
quasi claudus sutor domi sedet totos dies.

Mercy me! What’s come over master, what crazy streak he’s
got, I can’t imagine,--driving a poor woman out of the house
this way ten times a day, often. Goodness gracious, what
whim-whams the man’s got into his head I don’t see. Never
shuts his eyes all night: yes, and then in the daytime he’s
sitting around the house the whole livelong day, for all the
world like a lame cobbler.

neque iam quo pacto celem erilis filiae
probrum, propinqua partitudo cui appetit,
queo comminisci; neque quicquam meliust mihi,
ut opinor, quam ex me ut unam faciam litteram
longam, meum laqueo collum quando obstrinxero.

How I’m going to hide the young mistress’s disgrace now is
beyond me, and she with her time so near. There’s nothing
better for me to do, as I see, than tie a rope round my neck
and dangle myself out into one long capital I.

I. 2.

Scene 2.

RE-ENTER _Euclio_ FROM HOUSE.

_Eucl._

Nunc defaecato demum animo egredior domo,
postquam perspexi salva esse intus omnia. 80
redi nunciam intro atque intus serva.

(_aside_) At last I can feel easy about leaving the house,
now I have made certain everything is all right inside.
(_to Staphyla_) Go back in there this instant, you, and keep
watch inside.

_Staph._

Quippini?
ego intus servem? an ne quis aedes auferat?
nam hic apud nos nihil est aliud quaesti furibus,
ita inaniis sunt oppletae atque araneis.

(_tartly_) I suppose so! So I’m to keep watch inside, am I?
You aren’t afraid anyone’ll walk away with the house, are
you? I vow we’ve got nothing else there for thieves to take--
all full of emptiness as it is, and cobwebs.

_Eucl._

Mirum quin tua me causa faciat Iuppiter
Philippum regem aut Dareum, trivenefica
araneas mihi ego illas servari volo.
pauper sum, fateor, patior, quod di dant fero.

It is surprising Providence wouldn’t make a King Philip
or Darius of me for your benefit, you viper, you!
(_threateningly_) I want those cobwebs watched! I’m poor,
poor; I admit it, I put up with it; I take what the gods
give me.

abi intro, occlude ianuam. iam ego hic ero
cave quemquam alienum in aedis intro miseris 90
quod quispiam ignem quaerat, extingui volo,
ne causae quid sit quod te quisquam quaeritet
nam si ignis vivet, ut extinguere extempulo.

In with you, bolt the door. I shall be back soon. No
outsider is to be let in, mind you. And in case anyone
should be looking for a light, see you put the fire out
so that no one will have any reason to come to you for it.
Mark my words, if that fire stays alive, I’ll extinguish
you instantly.

tum aquam aufugisse dicito, si quis petet.
cultrum, securim, pistillum, mortarium,
quae utenda vasa semper vicini rogant,
fures venisse atque abstulisse dicito
profecto in aedis meas me absente neminem
volo intro mitti. atque etiam hoc praedico tibi
si Bona Fortuna veniat, ne intro miseris 100

And then water--if anyone asks for water, tell him it’s
all run out. As for a knife, or an axe, or a pestle, or a
mortar,--things the neighbours are all the time wanting to
borrow--tell ’em burglars got in and stole the whole lot.
I won’t have a living soul let into my house while I’m
agone--there! Yes, and what’s more, listen here, if Dame
Fortune herself comes along, don’t you let her in.

_Staph._

Pol ea ipsa credo ne intro mittatur cavet,
nam ad aedis nostras numquam adit, quamquam prope est.

Goodness me, she won’t get in: she’ll see to that herself,
I fancy. Why, she never comes to our house at all, no matter
how near she is.

_Eucl._

Tace atque abi intro.

Keep still and go inside. (_advances on her_)

_Staph._

Taceo atque abeo.

(_hurrying out of reach_) I’m still, sir, I’m going!

_Eucl._

Occlude sis
fores ambobus pessulis. iam ego hic ero.

Mind you lock the door, both bolts. I’ll soon be back.
[EXIT _Staphyla_ INTO HOUSE.

discrucior animi, quia ab domo abeundum est mihi.
nimis hercle invitus abeo. sed quid agam scio.
nam noster nostrae qui est magister curiae
dividere argenti dixit nummos in viros,
id si relinquo ac non peto, omnes ilico
me suspicentur, credo habere aurum domi. 110
nam non est veri simile, hominem pauperem
pauxillum parvi facere quin nummum petat.

It’s agony having to leave the house, downright agony.
Oh my God, how I do hate to go! But I have my reasons. The
director of our ward gave notice he was going to make us a
present of two shillings a man; and the minute I let it pass
without putting in my claim, they’d all be suspecting I had
gold at home, I’m sure they would. No, it doesn’t look
natural for a poor man to think so little of even a tiny
bit of money as not to go ask for his two shillings.

nam nunc cum celo sedulo omnis, ne sciant,
omnes videntur scire et me benignius
omnes salutant quam salutabant prius;
adeunt, consistunt, copulantur dexteras,
rogitant me ut valeam, quid agam, quid rerum geram.
nunc quo profectus sum ibo; postidea domum
me rursum quantum potero tantum recipiam.

Why, even now, hard as I try to keep every one from finding
out, it seems as if every one knew: it seems as if every one
has a heartier way of saying good day than they used to. Up
they come, and stop, and shake hands, and keep asking me
how I’m feeling, and how I’m getting on, and what I’m doing.
Well, I must get along to where I’m bound; and then I’ll
come back home just as fast as I possibly can.
[EXIT _Euclio_

ACTVS II