Chapter X: Parasiteville

The small town of Parasiteville is a forgotten corner of the earth, to one side of the highway, almost torn away from the world. When by accident some one visits it, the windows and doors are opened and people look in astonishment at the stranger; neighbors ask of each other, as they look out of the open windows, more than the usual four questions: I wonder who he may be? How did he all of a sudden get here? What may

Vun wannen hāt er plutzlim vun der heller Haut aher sich genummen?
Wās känn asölcher bedarfen? Eppes asō glatt känn es nit sein, glatt
asō denn nemmt män un' män kummt? Mistome liegt doch dā eppes, wās
män mus es dergēhn.... Derbei will Itlicher arausweisen sein
Chochme, sein Genitschaft, un' Bauchswores fallen wie Mist. Alte
Leut' derzaehlen Maisses un' brengen Mescholim vun Orchim, wās
senen in dem un' dem Jāhr gekummen aher zufāhren, Balamzojes sāgen
mikōach dem Wörtlich, a Bissel eppes nischt kein schoene;
Mannsbill' halten sich bei die Bärdlich un' schmēichlen; alte
Weiber siedlen āb die Balamzojes auf Katowes, mit a Boeser i mit a
Lachen in ēinem; junge Weiblich derlangen vun die arābgelāsene
Äugen a gebōgenem Kuck vun unten arauf, halten die Händ' auf'n Maul
un' sticken sich lachendig in Kulak. Der Schmues mikōach dem
dāsigen Injen kaukelt sich vun Stub' zu Stub' wie a Kaul vun Schnee
un' werd kauklendig sich all's grösser, grösser, bis er kaukelt
sich arein in Bessmedresch ssame unter'n Ōwen, in dem Ort, wās ahin
varkauklen sich alle Schmuessen vun allerlēi Injonim, hen Sōdes vun
Stubsachen, hen Politike mikōach Stambul, mikōach dem Tōger
u-mikōach Kiren, hen Geldgeschäften mikōach Rothschild's Varmögen
in Vargleich mit die grōsse Prizim un' die andere gewisse Negidim,
we-hen Potschten mikōach die Gseeres u-mikōach die rōthe Jüdlich
uchdōme, un' wās dort rasbirajet see kesseeder a besunder Komität
vun schoene betāgte Jüden, wās sitzen ständig a ganzen Tāg bis spät
in der Nacht, senen mafker Weib i Kinder un' giben sich mit die
alle Geschäften take emes getreu āb, thuen sejer Sach' bischleemes,
glatt asō le-Schemschomajim, nischt zu nehmen far sejer Müh', far
sejer Praze, afile a zubrochenem Heller.

such a one want here? There is something wrong, for without good reason no one would come to this place! There is some secret in it which I must find out.... And each one wants to show his wisdom, his skill, and all kinds of speculations come as fast as hail. All tell stories and make allusions to strangers who had visited them in such and such a year; jesters relate anecdotes about it, and they are not always within the bounds of propriety; men twirl their beards and smile; old women jokingly scold the jesters, angered and laughing at the same time; young married women stealthily look upwards with their drooping eyes, hold their hands before their mouths and choke with laughter. The conversation in regard to that matter rolls on from house to house like a snowball and rolling grows larger, larger, until it rolls into the synagogue near the stove, the very place where find their final abode gossips of all kinds, whether domestic secrets, or politics in regard to Stamboul, in regard to the Mogul and Cyrus, or money matters regarding the wealth of Rothschild as compared with that of great lords and the other well-known millionaires, or reports of persecutions and the tribe of the Red Jews, and so forth. And there these matters are discussed one after the other by a special committee of pious Jews advanced in years, who sit there whole days until late into the night, who abandon their wives and children and earnestly devote themselves to those affairs, doing their business in peace, just for the glory of God, without receiving a broken penny for their labor and their work.

Vun dem dāsigen Komität gēhen oft die Injonim aweg in Bād auf der
öberster Bank, un' in a polner Ssobranje vun Stādt-balebatim wer'en
see dort utwerdet, "wehakol schorir wekajom," as dernāch sollen
afile kummen kol Malchej Misrach un' Majrew, sich stellen mit dem
Kopp arāb un' mit die Füss' arauf, wellen see gār nischt pōeln. Der
Tōger is' schier ein Māl nischt umglücklich gewor'en in asa
Ssobranje auf der ōberster Bank, wenn etliche juste Balebatim
sollen nischt gewe'n halten mit ihm Blatt, wer wēisst, wu er wollt'
itzt āngesparrt. Rothschild nebech hāt schier nit varlōren dort
eppes a zehn, fufzehn Milljon; derfar hāt ihm Gott geholfen in a
Pāar Wochen arum: der Ōlem is' gewe'n, wie män sāgt, begelufin; auf
der ōberster Bank is' grād' gewe'n a Bissel leblich; die Besemlich
hāben sich gehōben,--un' män hat ihm mit a Māl zugelāst rēin
Vardienst akegen a kan Milljon Kärblich!

Die Einwōhner allēin in Tunejadewke senen nebech kimat alle,
lō-aleechem, grōsse Ewjōnim, starke Dalfonim. Nor dem Emes mus män
sāgen, see senen froehliche Ewjōnim, lustige Kabzonim, wilde
Bal-bitochens. As män soll, a Stēiger, plutzlim a Fräg geben a
Tunejadewker Jüden, vun wannen un' wie asō er is sich mefarnes,
bleibt er tchilas stēhn wie zumischt, wēisst nebech nischt, wās zu
entwern, nor später a Bissel āber kummt er zu sich un' entwert
bitmimes: Ich, wie arum ich leb', ich? Et, 's is' dā a Gott, sāg'
ich euch, ot-o, wās varlāst nischt alle seine Beschäffenisch, Er
schickt zu un' wet mistome weiter zuschicken, sāg' ich euch,
ot-o!--Fort, wās thut ihr asōns? Hā't ihr chotsch eppes wās 's is'
far a Meloche oder a Parnosse in der Hand?--Gelōbt is'
ha-Schem-jisborach! Ich hāb', borchaschem, asō wie ihr kuckt mich
ān, ot-o, a Matone vun sein lieben Nāmen, a Keele, a Kol-negine,

From this committee the affairs are frequently transferred to the upper bench in the bathhouse, and in a plenary assembly of householders they are confirmed, "resolved and decreed." If after that even all the kings of the East and the West were to come and walk with their heads downwards and their feet in the air, they could not move them to change their decrees. The Mogul came once very near falling into misfortune in such an assembly of the higher bench; if some of the householders had not taken his part, who knows where he would now be resting his head. Rothschild very nearly lost there ten or fifteen millions; but God came to his rescue a few weeks later: the people felt, as they say, in high spirits; all was alive upon the highest bench; the bathing brooms were dancing over their backs, and they all at once gave him a clean gain of one hundred and fifty million roubles.

Nearly all the inhabitants of Parasiteville are, may it be no evil omen to you, nothing but poor people and quite destitute. But the truth must be told, they are merry beggars, joyful mendicants, possessed of unbounded hope. If one, for example, suddenly asks a Parasiteville Jew where and how he manages to make a living, he stops at first bewildered, and does not know what to answer, but after a while he collects himself and answers in good spirits: I, how I make a living, I? Well, there is a God, I tell you, you see, who does not abandon His creatures; He sends us a living and will no doubt continue to send us, I tell you!--After all, what is your occupation? Have you some kind of trade that you ply, or have you some kind of income?--Praised be the Lord! I have, thanks to the Lord, as you see me, a gift from Him, a good voice, and I lead the prayers of the Mussafim on the great holidays

un' dawen' Mussofim Jomim-nōrojim in der Swiwe; ich bin a Mohel un'
a Maze-rädler, Ēiner in der Welt; ich führ' a Māl aus a Schidech,
führ' ich aus. Ich hāb' a Stāat, wie ihr kuckt mich ān, ot-o, in
der Schul'; heunt halt' ich äuch, zwischen uns soll es bleiben, a
Schēnkel, wās melkt sich zu bisslich; ich hāb' a Zieg', wās melkt
sich ohn' Anore sēhr gut, un' hāb' nischt weit vun danneu a reichen
Korew, ot-o, wās lāst sich unter a schlechter Zeit äuch a Bissel
melken. Heunt, chuz die alle Sachen, sāg' ich euch ot-o, is' Gott a
Tate un' die Jisroejel senen Rachmonim-bnee-rachmonim, sāg' ich
euch ot-o, nischt zu varsündigen!...

Äuch mus män die Tunejadewker Einwōhner dem Schwach nāchsāgen, as
see seneu zufrieden mit wās Gott gi't un' klauben cholile in der
Halbosche un' in dem Essen stark nischt über. As die schabesdige
Kapote, a Stēiger, is' zuhackt, zufallen, zurissen, a Bissel
varschlumpert un' eppes nischt asō rēin, macht äuch nit aus, abi
sie is' fort vun Atlas un' glanzt. Ai örterweis kuckt wie vun a
Reschete araus dās hōhle Leib, meele wās art es wemen? Wer wet sich
dā asō stellen zukucken? Lemai Pjates, mit wās is' dās ärger vun
ausgerissene Pjates? Pjates is' denn nischt kēin Leib, kēin
Menschenflēisch?...

A Stückel Brōt mit a Kolisch, abi 's is' nor dā, is' sēhr a guter
Mittāg. Wer schmuest a Bulke mit a Rosselflēisch Freitāg, wer es
hāt nor,--dās is' take a Maichel-Mecholim, kēin Besseres dervun is'
schōn, dacht sich, auf der Welt nischt dā. Lās män see derzaehlen,
a Stēiger, vun andere Minee Potrawes chuz Fischjauch, Gebrāten's
un' a Mähren-oder Posternakzimmes, kummt see dās aus eppes meschune
wild un' sāgen darauf āb varschiedene Wörtlich mit dem grössten
Gelächter, gleich wie der, wās sāgt es, is' narrisch,

in the towns hereabout; I am a Mohel and a roller of matzoth, an expert in my work; I sometimes make a match and get people married. I have a pew in the synagogue, although you may not think it of me; besides I have a grog-shop, between us be it said, that brings me in a little income; I have a goat that gives a great deal of milk, and not far from here I have a rich relative who in bad times lets himself be milked a little too. Besides all these things, I tell you, God is a father and the Jews are the recipients of His mercy, I tell you, and may we not sin against Him!...

* * * * *

We must give the inhabitants of Parasiteville their due,--they are contented with anything God may give them, and they are not by any means dainty in their garments and their food. If, for example, the Sabbath coat is all crushed, threadbare, and torn, a little bedraggled and of questionable cleanliness, that does not trouble them much, provided it is of satin and has a sheen. You will say that in places the bare body looks out of it as from a sieve! What of that? Whose concern is it? Who will stop to look at it inquisitively? Is that at all worse than bare heels? Are heels no body, no human flesh?...

A piece of bread with a buckwheat cake, if only it can be procured, is a very good dinner indeed. And just think of a white roll with some braized meat on a Friday! Whoever can get that, regards it as the finest dainty, better than which, it seems, nothing can be found in the world. Let anybody tell of any other kinds of choice dishes than fish juice, roast meat, and carrot or parsnip scallop, he will be looked upon as a madman, and they will make all kinds of jests about him and burst out in loud laughter, as if he who had

meschuge un' will see äuch machen meschuge, einrēden see a Kind in
Bauch, a Kuh is' geflōgen über'n Dach un' gelēgt an Ēi. A Stückel
Bockser in Chamischo-ossor dās is' asa Peere, wās is' mechaje
Nefosches; kuckendig derauf dermāhnt män sich in Erzesrojel, nischt
ēin Māl varglotzt män derbei die Äugen mit a Krächz: Ach,
"wessōlicheenu kōmmius," sollst uns, harzediger Vāter, führen
kōmmius, take was kōmmius hēisst, "learzeenu"--zu unser Land, wās
Ziegen essen dort Bocksern!... Al-pi Mikre hāt Ēiner a Māl in dem
Städtel gebracht a Tēitel, hā't ihr bedarft sehn, wie asō män is'
dās geläufen ānkucken auf Chidesch! Män hāt aufgemischt a Chumesch
un' gewiesen, as "Tomer" der Tēitel stēht in Chumesch! Steutsch,
der Tēitel, ot der Tēitel wachst doch vun Erzesrojel!... Kuckendig
auf'n Tēitel, hāt sich ausgedacht, Erzesrojel is var die Äugen, ot
gēht män über dem Jarden, ot is' die Meoras-hamachpeelo, der Mutter
Rochel's Keewer, dās Kōssel-maarowi, ot bādt män sich in
Chamee-te-warjo, män kriecht arauf auf'n Har-haseessim, män esst
sich ān mit Bocksern, mit Tēitlen, un' män lēgt ān fulle Keschenjes
mit Erzesrojel-erd'. Ach, hāt män gekrächzt, un' in die Äugen hāben
Itlichen sich gestellt Trähren. "Jene Zeit," asō sāgt Binjāmin,
"is' ganz Tunejadewke, wie grōss sie is', gewe'n in Erzesrojel. Män
hāt geschmack geredt vun Moschiach'n, ot, ot, is' schōn Gott's
Freitāg noch halben Tāg.... Der neuer Pristaw, wās is' nischt lang
āngekummen, hāt grād be-jod-romo denstmāl geführt dās Städtel. Bei
a Pāar Jüden hāt er arābgerissen die Jarmelkes, Ēinem ābgeschnitten
a Peje, Etliche nebech gechappt spät bei der Nacht in a Gässel ohn'
Pasporten, bei noch Ēinem varnummen a Zieg', wās hāt aufgegessen a
neuem

told that had actually become crazy and wanted to drive them crazy too by making them believe of a child in the stomach,[119] of a cow that has flown over the roof and has laid an egg. A piece of buck's-horn on the fifteenth day in the month of Shebat is regarded as a fruit that delights the heart. Looking at it they are reminded of Palestine, and they frequently raise their eyes in ecstasy and say with a sigh: "Oh, wessolicheenu kōmmius," lead us, O merciful Father, upwards, yes, upwards indeed, "learzeenu," into our land where goats feed on buck's-horn.... By chance some one brought a date to town. You ought to have seen how people rushed up to see the wonder! They opened the Pentateuch and pointed out that "Tomer," the date, was mentioned in the Bible! Just think of it! The date, that very date grows in Palestine!... Looking at the date it appeared to them that Palestine was before their very eyes, that, behold, they were crossing the Jordan; right there was the cave of Machpelah, Rachel's grave, the western wall; that now they were bathing in the Pool of Tiberias, they were climbing the Olive Mount, they were eating their fill of bucks'-horn and dates, and swelling their pockets with earth of Palestine. Ah, they sighed, and tears filled the eyes of all. "In those days," says Benjamin, "all of Parasiteville, as large as it is, was in Palestine. They talked with zest of Moses; and behold, it is already past noon on God's Friday.... The new police captain who had only lately arrived in town ruled it with a firm hand. He had torn off the skullcaps from the heads of a few Jews, he had lopped off an earlock, had bagged a few men late at night in a side street without passports, had confiscated another man's goat that had eaten up a

strōhenem Dach; un' er is' dermit äuch gewe'n die Ssibe dervun, wās
der Komität unter'n Ōwen hāt sich stark geduret mit'n Tōger,
ad-mossaj wet der Scharschel-jischmoel asō schōlet sein? Män hāt
aufgemischt dem gewoehntlichen Schmues mikōach die
Ascheres-haschwotim, wie glücklich see leben dort in jene weite
Mekōmes, in Gdule-ōscher un' Kowed; män hāt avürgenummen die rōthe
Jüdlech, die Bneemōsche, mit Gusmes Maisses vun sejere Gwures
uchdōme; Eldād ha-Dāni, es varstēht sich, hāt äuch getanzt in
dermit. Jene Zeit, zum Mēisten, hāb' ich zu vardanken die Nessie
meine, wās ich hāb' dernāch gemacht."