Chapter I: ANAZUMA—Japanese shave-proprietor (8)

“‘It are a family reunion,’ collapse Hon. Police. ‘All of them persons is related to each other in some way & another—some by proxy, some by regret; husbands twice removed is talking to outlaws-in-law. Them tall gentleman with ottomobile glasses is Senator Guff. Lady he are talking with are his forgotten wife, now Mrs. Billings, who will marry Captain Swift, her chaperone, when both are freed from hated trammels they now endures.’

“‘On what grounds of domestick grief will they obtain their divorces on?’ are next for me.

“‘For $5,’ say Hon. Police who has been in Sue Falls for long time, ‘for $5 you can take your choice of following grounds:

“‘Failure to provide witty conversation.

“‘Baldness.

“‘Coming home chronic late from Lodge, such as Elks, Y. M. C. A., etc.

“‘Not coming home from them places.

“‘Habit of cracking nuckles.

“‘Being impolite to ladies.

“‘Being too polite to ladies.

“‘Expressing grief by snores while asleep.

“‘Reading Sunday _Journal_ & believing it.

“‘Warts.

“‘Any slight excuse you may think up while waiting.’

“‘Thank you so plenty!’ I say to Hon. Police and go home by return ticket.”

“You go home without them Divorce?” I say for disappointed quivers.

“Ah, yes,” nibble Nogi. “It are useless luxury for poor Japanese to afford it. I could buy one slight divorce, but what then?”

“That habit are like drunking,” I approximate.

“Of surely it are!” influence my Cousin. “First drink are innocent pleasure, but it lead to more of and continued. First divorce are harmless amusement, next two or three are only slight damage to young man—but after that it are apt to become a fixed habit, and who knows what?”

So Nogi borrow my collar-button & go off for righteous Sunday walk with his wife, Miss Alice Furioki.

* * * * *

Mr. Editor, I am reminded of a mothological legend. In awful pre-historick date of Japan famous poeter, Obi Obi, were a-wandering through crying-willow grove endeavouring to try & think up a good poem to write for a magazine. While full of ponders of suddenly he seen a Willy Sparrow dancing mongst twiggly branches like he was suffering from huj jokes. Often & at times them maudly bird laugh “Ha-ha!” and do a kick & six comick capers. So Obi Obi, famous poeter, he tune his Japanese Jews harp and enquire with rimes:

“Dilly-darrow, Willy Sparrow,
Why you do such dance & caper
Like a crazy piece of paper,
Chirping, cheeping, shrieking, peeping
With a piggly motion giggly
On that wriggly willow twiggly?”

And that dafty Willy Sparrow, who also had a talent, make laughing tear-drop & reply:

“Tabby-toby, Obi Obi,
Thus I flutter, flatter, caper
Since my Wife I did escape her
From her scratching feather-snatching—
Hence my piggly anticks wiggly
On this wriggly willow twiggly.”

Obi Obi, who are notorious to this day for his book full of morals, were shocked talkless by rye-bald remarks of them horid Willy Bird, so he flop hands to heaven & decry:

“Wirro-warro, Willy Sparrow,
Baddy birdie what has flirted,
Eggs neglected, Wife deserted
With your cheeping, shrieking, peeping—
Birds of feather winds should weather,
Live together whither-whether.”

So this wise Obi Obi he make one delicious figger-4 trap & he fill it up with olives and other lunch. Pretty soonly that fooly Willy Sparrow make hop-down to food—and _snap!_ Catch for him. Then very briefly after this Mrs. Willy Sparrow, who was hungry & peeved about non-support, _she_ make hop-down to trap—and _snap!_ Catch for her.

So wise Obi Obi he gather them two birds & he put them in goldy cage together with 2 childish eggs of which they was parents.

“Ha-ho!” he say musely (for he were a poet). “It are pleasant to think how I has united them quarrly fowels into love-companionship.”

So he hang that goldy cage in front of his Poetry-Shop & invite the entire World to come & see them Willy Birds enjoying happiness. And all the entire World come that very afternoon to observe this Peace Conference.

But alast! When Hon. World looked it seen Mrs. Willy Bird chewing off ear of her husband with talented claws. Rawcuss screams. Feathers. Applause from World which always enjoy fites. Pretty soonly that Happy Cupple retire to opp. corners of cage, do some glares & make following song with voice of tough eagles:

“Yarrow-yarrow! nasty Sparrow!
Ruffled feathers, noises frightful!
Always doing something spiteful.
Chirping, cheeping, shrieking, peeping,
Cacklin’, kickin’, peckin’, pickin’
Like a silly stricken chicken!”

And when the entire World seen them antick they stopped their ears & say:

“Perhapsly Hon. Obi Obi _do_ call this Doomestick Harmony; but it sound to us like the musick of hand-saws playing on rusty hinges.”

So they retire away. And next morning when Obi Obi go-see Hon. Cage, what he find there? 6 feathers & 2 claws which was still disputing with eech other. All the rest of them Sparrow Family had disagreed till they were entirely minus. Except them infant eggs which was broke.

So Obi Obi write following epitaph & sell it to a second-hand book-store:

“Hilly-harrows, silly Sparrows!
When a Poet tried to fix it
You continued for to mix it
Chirping, cheeping, shrieking, peeping—
Little birds enjoying jawing
Perish thus enjoying clawing.”

If Obi Obi, the wisest Japanese for 1,007 years, could not make 2 little Willy Sparrows happy by locking them together, how can Governments & Laws be more successful with people who are bigger & more foolish? Peace Makers is often proud because they brings Man & Wife together after quarrels. So sad to think! When Man & Wife have combattable tempers it do not take great talent to get them together; but as soon as they resume talking it often require entire State Militia to drag them apart.

Will law what bolish Divorces wipe out household unhappiness? I shall vote for it, if so-do. Maybe it will make drunken gentlemen sober & lazy gentlemen reliabilious employees for more salary. Perhapsly fooly ladies will begin study of intelligence, flirtating will cease & all dull children will go ahead of class. Mischief will be neglected by old & young.

Maybe, if Divorces is forbid, girls what marries for money will find sentiment & girls what marry for sentiment will find money. Maybe tired husbands will aid sick wives in dish-wash; maybe plumbers will stay home nights; maybe soft answers will turn away flatirons. Maybe everybody will own a ottomobile.

& maybe they won’t.

If Jo-Uncle Cannon would pass some nice law what would keep persons from _wanting_ to get divorced this would be very good-healthy for all races, including Chinese, who are human in many respects. In England where Divorce are most difficult to obtain wife-beating are most deliciously common.

I ask something. Can U. S. Government put happy glow & family affection into a house where it ain’t? When Hon. Love flies out of window can he be pinched by Police before escape?

I require no answer.

With immediate hopes,

Yours truly,

HASHIMURA TOGO.

XXXVIII

THE HON. MARY CHRISTMAS

SAN FRANCISCO, Dec. 12th.

_Your Highness Mr Editor which know everything, or know where
to look for it._

DEAR GENTLEMAN—I give you the Hon. Mary Christmas and hope you will finish it. Tell me to know, Mr. Sir, what is so important about this festival that Americans make such holly-day blow-up of it? “Christmas arrive but once annually,” many persons explain, making handshake. Is this peculiar to Christmas? Do not all other dates arrive annually also? Then why such happen on Dec. 25 as do? I ask to enquire.

I answer it, thank you. The Hon. Christmas is a great give-away festival for all persons of white extraction. Negroes is permitted in this Christmas custom, because negroes is always present when something is being given away. But Japanese can not be Christmas persons, thank you. Why so is it? Because Japanese is all heathens, which is not eligible to Christmas present. If Japanese would obtain valuable presents on this date they must become Christians. This is too much trouble to do. Is it not more better for Japanese Boy to become Christian for Christmas-time and heathen for all other purposes? Thank you, I will try.

All Japanese living as naybors to me enjoy belief in Buddha with exception to Arthur Kickahajama who is Methodist and W. Furo who believe in Hon. Roosevelt. Hon. Rev. J. W. Chillworthy, American missionary, desire to do something to us heathen, so he look everywhere and find what is necessary. He prepare large Xmas tree at Asiatic M. E. Church and go around to all Japanese Boys with tempting speeches. To me he approach to say,

“Hon. Togo, do you wish to expect valuable Christmas present to equal price of 25c?”

“Would this be cash-gifts or merchandise?” I report.

“Merchandise of considerable merit, because Christmas presents must be this,” command that Chillworthy clergyman.

“I would accept such dry-goods,’ I commit.

“Very well. Then give me 25c money to collect, please.”

“No thank you, Mr. Clergyman, not to do! If Japanese Boy give 25c to collect, what graft would this Christmas present be of value 25c?” This question from me.

“Togo, you are heathen, therefore blind. At Christmas you will receive get-back of 25c to pay for put-up of 25c which you now do. You will be generous to give this price, I will be generous to give it back. This will be Christmas Spirit and keep money in circulation.”

So I deliver this quarter of dollar to Hon. Chillworthy as price. As reward he invite me to Christmas tree for persons of yellow extraction at church where I will please to be, thank you. All Japanese of S. F. has become Christians for this date because free ice-cream will be served.

Last Christmas date Japanese Schoolboy was very recently arrived to America. Therefore I did not know about Christmas. My cousin Nogi reply that this was annual good-will Peace Conference ceremony. Persons having bricks, bottles, shoot-guns, stick-knives and all other political convictions must conceal these under mattrass, thank you. Enemies must meet under kissletoe-vine for sweet-heart conversation. Therefore I remove all firearms, bricks, etc., from my clothing and go out to sidewalk where I watch how Christians enjoy this great festival.

I notice there large flocks of Christians bringing earth-peace feeling together by drinking considerable whisky. City is filled of sailors, plumbers, hack-drivers and other patriots making side-step to each saloon where more earth-peace is poured in. Finally good-will become very energetic and front of saloon is carried away by excitement. Peace-on-earth continue to make more noisy riot by each minute until pretty soonly police-gentleman whistle for jailcart and all these Christians, broken in several places but making splendid noise with songs, is carried away to city lock-in.

Of course these is very wild Christians what make such behaviour. It is more comfortable to be tamer Christian and take Hon. Christmas home to wife & baby. Such persons get small timber-tree from mountain and plant it in parlour of home. (Some Christians have not got parlours, so they need not feel responsible for Xmas trees.) Branches of this tree is used to hang things on—glass, tin-ware, clothing, groceries, candles or anything else that is very cheap & convenient. Then alarm-clock is set to get-up family by lamp-light. When joy-bell go off all retire to parlour to watch Family Father set fire to Xmas tree by light of candle.

All Christians enjoy Christmas with exception of fire engine man who is too busy throwing water on the insurance.

It is very hard duty to explain to Japanese Infants about Santy Claus, that famous American saint which so closely resemble Marquis Ito in the foliage of his whiskers. These children enjoy great mental struggles because of their heathen parentage. Little Annie Anazuma, 9-year-age daughter of I. Anazuma, Japanese barber, come to me to enquire like this:

“Uncle Togo,” she resume, “to what extent is this falsehood about that Hon. Santy Claus?”

“Little Annie,” I snuggest, “I speak you honest truth, because you are one childish Japanese. I do not believe this Santy Claus is such person. Why? Because I suspect. Presents here, toys there, books, albums, jumping-up-jacks, photo supplies, sweet confectionary—all these scattered with such immediate delivery all at once and together—I suspect it can not be swallowed. Where would this Santy Claus person obtain so much moneys for give presents to all Christian children, including small negroes? Do Congress appropriate this price? Do Hon. Carnegie donate it? Is Hon. Santy Claus working for U. S. Government or some private corporation? I reply. If he was working for U. S. Government he would not get around so swift. If he was working for some Trust he would not give nothing to nobody. Therefore he is not.

“Japanese child, you are not insane to think. Forget this tell-tale of American mothology. It is too foolish to imagine this Mr. Claus dropping chocolate-creams down each chimney-pipe by such wholesale.”

“No, Uncle Togo,” report this little Annie. “It is well known fact that Christians never give away presents in that sneak-dog manner.”

I shall buy chew-gum for this little Annie Anazuma to eat for Hon. Christmas.

I am considerably sorrow for civilizedation when I make thoughts about this Santy Claus affair. Does not American missionary say to Japanese Boy, “Thou shan’t not lie?” Why then is this lying-instruction given to American children? Hon. Geo. Washington was disgusted to tell a liar. Hon. Roosevelt enjoys faintness after entertaining such persons. He has frequently spoken to Congress about this habit which they enjoy. Why, then, does American gentleman donate presents to baby and lay all blame for the affair to Santy Claus. Is it not cowardly to get out of it in this way?

When American gentleman give Christmas present to wife he does not blame it to Santy Claus because those lady is too smart to believe such talk. Therefore he must confess that he done it himself.

In getting civilized all over herself must Japan do this Hon. Christmas also? I do not require this, because many Christmas customs is not best good for all human races. Therefore Japan can get along more quicker without Hon. Christmas, which comes only once annually, but stays long time.

To what use is it, I will please inquire, to give Japan Baby jump-up-jack, toy shoot-gun, little squeak-dog? Would it not be more improving to his tiny brain-thoughts to present him with History-books, electrical apparatus, etc.? Is Mother Geese sing-song book of more knowledge to kindergarten intelligence as some happy treatise for Japanese children like “How to Build a Navy in 15 Lessons?” I enquire.

Also this. American young persons employ their Christmas holiday for make careless amusements like turkey-eat, merrying and flirtating. Would it not be more healthy for their souls if following program was served for Christmas?

8 A. M.—Get up for Sunday clothes.

8.30 A. M.—Light breakfast of rice & water.

9.00 A. M.—practise prize-fighting, feetball & other simple gymnastus.

9.30 A. M.—attend lecture on Art, Music & Shorthand.

10.30 A. M.—read together from works of John Greenleaf Whittier and relate 6 humoristick anecdotes of Hon. Mark Twain.

NOON—Vegetarian refreshments & light nap till

2 P. M.—Mass meeting of all nationalities to discuss Universal Peace.

5 P. M.—Tea ceremony at residence of some rich person.

7 P. M.—Dinner of fish, pickled turnips & other holiday foods.

8.30 P. M.—Attend performance of Ben Hur.

10.30 P. M.—Retire after sending out Mary Christmas cards to all friends.

This kind of Christmas enjoyment would make all Christians more healthy. For Christmas present they would give valuable advice and receive choice instruction as come-back. Foreign Americans which now make peace-on-earth by whisky-drinking would not do so. By eating Japanese food all would escape digestion which now makes so many angry groans in bed. Infants & babies would not be faked to by Santy Claus. Fire-engine man would hitch horse and attend lectures, because there would not be no Christmas trees to burn down the insurance. Professors would have fine time talking and all would be obliged to listen. This would be very cheap and natural for each human race.

Whenever I am talked to of giving something to merry Christmas people I tell following Japanese mothology:

In Kyoto, about 12007 B. C., there reside a notorious Poet name of Washu who remain there tranquilly, enjoying blessings of great poverty, thank you. Governing this city there was a gentleman name of Hon. Mamayuki who was celebrated for stingyness and other virtues. On New Year day, time of Japanese Christmas-present, poet Washu send to Hon. Mamayuki following rhythm:

“Dear sir, heaven knows you are serene like the stars—
Therefore do you remember Poets now and then?
Washu, the Poet, have sang songs for your benefit several
administrations,
He have handed out tributes to your handsome of face, good-clothes,
Not forgetting praise of babies belonging to your several Hon. wives;
Also Washu has been regardless about speaking of your generosity.
Therefore, Commander of Heaven and Earth,
Is it not
About time
That you make trifling Christmas-reward to the celebrated
sing-songer Washu?
I bow down, strike forehead and request reply by return mail.”

Hon. Mamayuki, soon as he receive this poetical rhythm, go to barnyard of Palace and there choose one camel-horse celebrated for hungry appetite. This brutal beast Hon. Mamayuki capture and send to Hon. Washu with following words:

“Little Gift to reward great Poet. Mary Christmas!”

Hon. Washu see this camel-horse and weep thoughtfully. Poets is not given credit for groceries in Japan—so how to feed this menagerie which was no use to Mr. Washu’s profession? Yet it would not be safe for his neck to sell or give away present sent by Gov. of Kyoto. Even while weeping this poetical Japanese embrace that camel pet with one glad thought: Camel-horses is different from plain beasts, because they only needs to eat and drink once time eech month!

“This is great economy for Japanese Poet,” make Washu in brain-thoughts.

But when 1st day of next month come by them brutal animal begin complaining for lunch. Washu enjoy painful thought—but he is brave Samurai. So he lead this camel-pet to kitchen where greatest poverty ensues. “All which I have here you are welcome to and much obliged,” he say to camel-pet. So he bring out 6 pounds rice, 72 pancakes, 14 packages tea, 2 bales straw, 9 yards matting from floor—all these delecatessance which camel-horse devour making lip-smack and other sounds of great thirst. Now at that time there was big drouth in Kyoto and water was very expensive, thank you. But this poetical Washu buy three barrel of water for that camel-horse at price of 2 yen per quart. But camel-pet continue making rusty sounds of voice to request more, please.

At last when this hon. brute begin to eat paper from walls Washu feed him shoes & straw hat and commit hari-kiri after delivering following invitation to Mamayuki, Gov. of Kyoto:

“Dear sir, when next you present Camel to one poor Japanese
Please provide pension with which to pay board for this Zoo;
For is it just to donate Palace to gentleman who cannot afford to pay
for lawn-sprinkler?
Is it generous to endow poverty-persons with ottomobiles when they
have not got nothing to buy no gasolene with?
Flour, potatoes, beefsteak,
Is enthusiastic Christmas-present for all literary Poets,
But since Camel came
I have felt White Elephant on fingers.
Therefore Washu the Poet
Goes dead.
If you look for his address,
Enquire of Ancestors,
For it is very cheap to live when you are dead.”

Thank you, Mr. Editor, I am going to be Christian on Dec. 25, so as to get back them 25c which Hon. Rev. Chillworthy has took. But I am going to eat like heathen, think like heathen, act like heathen, so that everything about me shall remain in good-healthy condition for 4th of July, when it is unnecessary to be a Christian, thank you. Hoping you get for Christmas present what is coming to you,

Yours truly,

HASHIMURA TOGO.

XXXIX

THE ANNUAL NEW YEAR

SAN FRANCISCO, December 28th.

_To celebrated newspaper printers, New York City, etc._

DEAREST SIRS—We are about to put away this 1908th year, thank you, because it is considerably used up. How many kind thoughts of neighbours, young ladies, labouring unions, sickness, food & drunk, poems of Hon. Mr. Byron, etc., come to this Japanese Schoolboy for sentimental intelligence to celebrate! O my, so soon this year have went! So short of time for 365 days, so full of everything what has happened to people! How can I speak for tears of voice? O happy date of Jan. 1st! Persons which are sorry for what they done on Christmas can now forget it by turning over and over: Give ring-off to old, give ring-on to new!

During this so happy annual that is past many National Events has happened to me. Brick-bat wound sent by labouring union has swole up, thank you, enjoying some agony; Miss Furioki which married cousin Nogi loves me so little; C. W. Kurashuke, Japanese dentistry, operate on my toothache which I shall never pay for; Arthur Kickahajama, missionary boy, ruin the beauty of my derby hat by wearing it; I must suicide myself to hari-kiri on account of O-Fido who create expense & only wag about it; I have acquired a feetwet by searching for employment which brings me the result of great influenza and sneezing in hon. nose. All these blessings make Japanese Boy forgiving to turn over new leap-year.

I enjoy suspicious sensation, Mr. Editor. What make all-world persons so happy about New Year day arriving less? Because so. Persons say secretly in sinful brain-thoughts: “That last annual year were disappointing, thank you. It was good year when first made, but considerably decomposed by various gentlemans who was to blame. Hon. Roosevelt spoil this year with muddy feet-kicks, Hon. Rockefeller ruin it by robbery & prayer, Hon. Lawson make it sad with considerable foolish wisdom. This year may go chase itself, please, if convenient. By next New Year time we shall not enjoy so many curses. All world shall love itself and so on. Japanese shall join hands with Irish and population mix-up. Bankers, divorces, house-flies, and other grafts shall be prohibited by poisoning them. Therefore let us order another drunk.”

“Of what value is this New Year time to Japanese persons?” I compel of cousin Nogi when I call to borrow 10 cents, price of Japanese cigarettes.

“For this,” exaggerate Nogi, “because is.”

“Tell me to know, please how?” I exhibit.

“Togo,” cry Nogi, “New Year is for getting rid of sin. You have some expensive sin which you keep around—shampane, high-food, silk derby—New Year fine time to make swear-off of this.”

“I am ridiculous to laugh,” I commit, “what expensive sin I swear-off, please? I am enjoying too much poverty to be able not to get along without nothing which I haven’t not got, have I?”

“One expensive sin you have got which you might resolution to get away from,” magnify this Nogi, “you are educated to cigarette-smoking. Swear-off, please. Therefore I will not loaned you them 10c you ask for to have.”

Since these conversation I have not called to Nogi or Miss Furioki which he married himself to. Nogi has got one jiu-jitsu comeing to him.

However yet, if I am sinful, I shall make some fine resolutions to give up many things which I have not got. But before doing so I shall be thankful to supply for you following review of National Events which has happened to this kingdom for year 1908th:

_Panama Canal_—This will be completed as soon as begun. No mosquitos.

_Politicks_—Hon. Roosevelt will not be doing so much longer. This kingdom have already chosen which Democratic president will not be elected.

_Warfare_—I do not know about this. America fleet is out hunting for it.

_Education_—Hon. Mark Twain is made laughing professor of Oxford, home for English schoolboys. Humoristick anecdote of that great man was enjoyed by all and understood by some.

_Literature & Art_—Much is being done in this line, but very little accomplished.

_Socialism_—This talk is spoken in many languages and require much brain-thought. Some delightful speaker say:

“All men are equal.” “Equal to what?” is question from Japanese Boy.

_Business_—This is pretty hard to do just at presently.

_Athleticks_—A game of feetball was played between Yale & Harvard this year to celebrate the Battle of Waterloo. Both sides won except Yale, which didn’t. This is fine exercise for young students which does not care for death by book-study.

_Real Estate_—Everywhere good corner lots can be had for prices asked. Skyscrape buildings is acting very valuable. Some empty lots still continues to remain in Canada and suburbs of Nebraska. J. Furo, Japanese hardware, who is dead, is renting second story of store to O. Jiijuwaki, Japanese undertaker.

* * * * *

Mr. Editor, because you are conductor of great newspaper I desire let you have some news which will surprise you. It happen in Japan 2016 years formerly. Following is it:

During that year I say about there reside in Hokadate, Japan, very sweet singer name of Obi Obi. In order to keep him in good voice for songs, which he could sang like nightinglory-bird, this man was oblige to take considerable rice brandy by each evening. Then he would sing pretty fine till stopped by friends and police. He continue this exercise for several years and never get tired out of it.

Come time to Happy New Years on the day before is. Obi Obi declare: “To-morrow will be January One on which all good Japanese are respected to reform theirselves. Therefore tonight must be the night.”

So Obi Obi order to house large kag-barrel of rice whiskey, together with many friends to hear concert. After 2 qts of these was drunken up Obi Obi sing very fine from Japanese opera. Friends applause for more and decry: “Too sorry this music-song must be stopped up to-morrow which is swear-off New Years!”

When midnight time arrive, Obi Obi, too tired to sing no more, so he fall to slumber under table and this he dream:

He dream that Angel of Dying drop to him out of sky and carry under wing one large literary Book.

“Obi Obi,” she command, “these here Book is that Life which you been leading around this several years.”

“My sakes!” commute this Obi Obi, “what disgusting literary job of writing is put down on them pages—such blots and woggly-letters with swear-and-tear places all over it! Who wrote them disgusting records of life, please Mr. Angel?”

“Obi Obi, sweet singer, it was _you_ that done it all these years you have been songing and whiskey-drunking,” devour that lovely Angel.

“Then I must have enjoyed great wickedness to have wrote my lifetime so badly,” retort that great man.

“Yes, you have so,” say Angel. “You are therefore to die and go to boiling-point on this New Year day—come, please.”

“Thank you, Hon. Angel, one more chance for Obi Obi, be so kind!”

“Very well, once more chance,” say spirited Angel. “If you can wrote in these Book one page of neat-writing, Spencerian book-keep handwrite, no blotting-marks, then you may die and go Heaven.”

“Thank you to do!” say Obi Obi, & took fountind pen & wrote once more page in Book of Life. But when done—O such bad disgust! That page was all blotty-marked with woggly ink-splatter letters and orthography.

“There!” say Angel, “you have wrote new leaf on New Year day, and see! It is worse job as formerly. Come, please, and die.”

Obi Obi look at page and say this following philosophy:

“The reason why so I write it so bumly in Book of Life is not because of me, but because of bad pen and ink provided.”

Then he wake up with head-split and throat-crack symbols of drunkenness. He make groaning sound and O Yucha San, wife of his, approach with that delicious ice-water.

“It is Happy New Year!” she relate, making smiles.

“Thank you for telling me so it is,” say Obi Obi. Then he went dead.

And them dying words is to be saw on tomb which you may visit there to-day, price two sen admission.

Please to listen what I do with tipewriting last night:

_O JOYFUL NEWNESS OF YEAR_

O joyful newness of annual year!
Oh!
It is refreshing to watch the daisies sprouting all along the eternal
cowpath of cities;
Is it not?
And yet I have never saw them do this;
But still they are to emblify hopeing-feel of New Year.
Shall I mail you coloured post-card,
O Love?
Telling about how Japanese Boy
Feel fresh?

On all gate-posts of American persons is hung emblems
Of hope for future real-estate.
All Americans are caming home early of New Year morning.
And some has forgotten to.
For New Year has came with legal holly-day
To put on derby hat,
To see friends and enjoy excitement of general custom.
I bow to Happy New Year, I reverence all them things about it,
I rejoice, legally, I intoxicate, I syndicate my thoughts to all
humanity-races—
And yet, to tell you honest true,
I do not care much for New Years time,
Because I do not.

Hoping you will be more wiser, if possible, next annual year and that all persons may be onto it, also, good-bye and some to friends,

Yours truly,

HASHIMURA TOGO.