Chapter V: Usurers and Curryers., 392 (20)

This is to tell us, that Good Humour goes further many times in the Reputation of the World, then Profound Learning; though Undoubtedly both together are Best. There is a certain Knack in the Art of Conversation, that gives a good Grace to many things, by the Manner and Address of Handling ’em, which in the ordinary way of bringing Matters about, would give great Offence to the Common Rules, even of Civility and Discretion. The Skill on’t lies in the Nicety of Distinguishing, First, what Liberty is necessary in such and such a Case. And Secondly, How to Temper and Accommodate that Freedom to a Consistence with Good Manners: And this must be done too without Formality and Affectation; for a Studied and a Labour’d Forecast toward the Setting of such a Humour Abroach, is Putrid and Nauseous to the Highest Degree; and better Fifty such Conceits were lost, then that any thing of Contrivance or Premeditation should appear in’t. There are a sort of People, that when they have once hit upon a Thought that Tickles them, will be still bringing it in by Head and Shoulders, over and over in several Companies, and upon several Occasions; but ’tis below the Dignity of a Man of Weight, to Value himself upon such a Levity; for it makes him look as if Trifling were his Master-piece. Now these Turns of Fancy and Entertainment, should pass off as they came on, Carelesly and Easily, without laying any stress upon them; for they are then only Happy and Agreeable, when they are Play’d off at Volly, and _pro Re Nata_, and only made use of, in fine, as a Sauce to the Conversation. The Philosopher in this Instance, was not without some Difficulty how to gain his Point: There were better Fish at the Table, and the Question was how to come at them, without being either Rude or Importune; and yet if he were not clear enough to be Understood, he was in danger still to lose his Longing. So that he found out such a way of Asking, as to Provoke a Question without speaking a Word to’t; and he did it in such a Fashion of Respect too, that it might not look like Begging on the one Hand, or Reproaching on the other. And he was much in the Right once again too, when the Riddle was already set a Foot, rather to wait till the Explanation should be Desir’d, then to prompt the Master of the Feast to call for’t.

FAB. CCCCVIII.

Two _Laden Asses_.

As Two _Asses_ were Fording a River, the one Laden with _Salt_, the other with _Sponge_: The _Salt-Ass_ fell down under his Burden, but quickly got up again, and went on the Merrier for’t. The _Sponge-Ass_ found it agreed so well with his Companion, that down lies he too, upon the same Experiment; but the Water that Dissolv’d the _Salt_, made the _Sponge_ Forty times Heavier then it was before; and that which Eas’d the One Drown’d the Other.

The MORAL.

_The Deceiver may be Deceived: Many People take false Measures for their own Relief, without Considering that what’s Good in one Case, may be Bad in another._

REFLEXION.

A Wise Man lives by Reason, not by Example; or if he does, ’tis odds, he goes out of his Way. We have a common Saying that holds in a Thousand ordinary Cases, where the same thing Ruins one, that Saves another. It is the part also of an Honest Man to deal Above-board, and without Tricks. The _Ass_ with the _Sponge_, fail’d in both; For First, he would be trying Conclusion, without Examining either the Nature of the thing in Question, or what the Matter would bear. Secondly, He was False to his Master too, in Abusing a Trust for the Easing of his own Carkass; and then it cost him his Life Over and Above, which was both his Mishap and Punishment.

FAB. CCCCIX.

A _Black Bird_ afraid of a _Kite_.

A Poor Simple _Black Bird_ was frighted almost to Death with a Huge Flopping _Kite_ that she saw over her Head, Screaming and Scouring about for her Prey. Come Sister, says a _Thrush_ to her, Pluck up a good Heart; for all this Fluttering and Shrieking is but Fooling; and you shall see this Lazy Buzzard at last, e’en take up with some Pittiful Frog or Mouse to her Supper, and be Glad on’t too. No, no, the _Hawks_ are the Dangerous Birds, Child, that Bite, as they say, without Barking, and do Execution in Silence.

The MORAL.

_The more Noise and Flutter, the less Danger._

REFLEXION.

There’s no great Danger in Men of Huff and Bluster: Noise and Pretence without Execution, is only _much ado about Nothing_; and yet this way of Trifling, is the very Bus’ness and Practice of many that pass in the World for Great Men, though they are much Mistaken that think them so. But there are Reverend Appearers in all manner of Glorious Professions and Adventures, as in Arms, Letters, Religion, Law, Policy, _&c._ There are Quacks, in short, of all sorts, as Bullies, Pedants, Hypocrites, Empyricks, Law-Jobbers, Politicasters, and the like; and there are _Men_ as well as _Black-Birds_ that are Silly enough not to Distinguish betwixt a _Hawk_ and a _Buzzard_.

FAB. CCCCX.

A _Fox_ and _Wolf_.

An Unlucky _Fox_ dropt into a Well, and cry’d out for Help: A _Wolf_ overheard him, and looks down to see what the Matter was. Ah, (says _Reynard_,) Pray lend me your Hand Friend, or I’m lost else. _Poor Creature!_ says the Wolf, _Why how comes this about? Prithee how long hast thou been here? Thou canst not but be mighty Cold sure._ Come, come, this is no Time for Fooling, says the Fox; set me upon _Terra Firma_ first, and then I’ll tell ye the History.

The MORAL.

_When a Man is in Misery, there must be no Trifling in the Case. ’Tis a Barbarous Humour to stand Bantering out of Season. ’Tis no Time or Place for Raillery, when a Life’s at Stake._

REFLEXION.

Here are Three Calamities in One: First, The _Foxes_ falling into a Pit, and not being able to get out again. Secondly, The Misery of being put to beg Relief of an Enemy, for want of a Friend. Thirdly, The Affront of the Refusal, as it was accompanied with Raillery and Scorn. ’Twere well if we had not too many of these Brutal Mockeries in our Daily Conversations; for we have Banterers in Religion, in Point of Honour, and upon all the Distresses of Human Life. He that has no Pity or Compassion for the Miserable, is not in Truth of a Reasonable Make; for Tenderness of Nature is but a kind of Lay-Charity; and a Body can be no more a Good Man without the One, then a Good Christian without the other. Let a Man be never so Wicked, ’tis a Base and an Unmanly thing to Insult upon him in his Calamity. His Punishment may be Just; and when he suffers Justice, ’tis all that a Good and a Generous Man can wish for in the Case.

The Scomms of Great Men, or Buffons of Quality, are every jot as Wolvish in Conversation, as they are here in the Fable; tho’ ’tis looked upon, I know, as a Mark of Breeding, and the Indication of a Man that has Notable Skill in the World, to turn the Earnest of all Things and Duties, Sacred and Civil, into a Jest, and to put the Common Principles of Faith, Truth, Justice and Respect, out of Countenance. Now in all these Cases, the Precedent is as Dangerous, as the Practice is Odious, where the Quality of the Droll serves to Authorise the Indignity: But from a _Fox_, that’s made up of Trick and Treachery, there’s no better to be Expected.

FAB. CCCCXI.

Two _Travellers_ find an _Oyster_.

As Two Men were Walking by the Sea-side, at a Low-water, they saw an _Oyster_, and they both Pointed at it together: The One Stoops to take it up; the Other gives him a Push, and tells him, ’Tis not yet Decided whether it shall be Yours or Mine. In the _Interim_, while they were Disputing their Title to’t, comes a Passenger that way, and to him they referr’d the Matter by Consent, which of the Two had the Better Right to the _Oyster_. The Arbitrator very Gravely takes out his Knife, and opens it; the Plaintiff and Defendant at the same time Gaping at the Man, to see what would come on’t. He Loosens the Fish, Gulps it down, and so soon as ever the Morsel was gone the way of all Flesh, wipes his Mouth, and pronounces Judgment. _My Masters_, (says he, with the Voice of Authority,) _The Court has Order’d each of ye a Shell, without Costs; and so pray go Home again, and live Peaceably among your Neighbours_.

The MORAL.

_Referrees and Arbitrators seldom forget Themselves._

REFLEXION.

The Scope of this Fable, is to divert People from Contentious, Expensive and Vain Law-Suits. _Agree, Agree_, (says the Old Saw,) _the Law is Costly_. The whole Bus’ness of the World is about _Meum & Tuum_; either by Right, in Good Earnest, or by Wrong, under the colour of Right: And while the Clients are Contending about the Title, the Council runs away with the Estate. This Litigious Humour, where Men are as well Stubborn and Wilful, as Captious and Quarrelsome, burns like the Fire of Hell; for ’tis never to be Quench’d: Beside, that whoever is given to Wrangling, can never want Matter or Occasion for’t. And this is not only the Case in Matters of Propriety, and in Legal Claims before a Bench of Justice, but it works in a Thousand Instances of Vain Disputations, Competitions, and other Tryals of Mastery and Skill, where there’s little more then Pride, Stomach, Will and Vanity, to uphold the Contest. Nay, and he that has the better on’t at last, is only the more Fortunate Fool of the Two. Let but any Man set before him the Vexatious Delays, Quirks and Expences of most of our _Barretry Suits at Law_, and ’tis odds he finds at the Foot of the Account, the _Play not worth the Candle_.

FAB. CCCCXII.

A _Raging Lion_.

There was a _Lion_ ran Stark Mad, and the very Fright on’t put all the Beasts of the Forrest out of their Wits for Company. Why what a Condition are we in, they cry’d, to fall under the Power of a _Mad Lion_; when a _Lion_ at the very Soberest, is little better then _Frantick_?

The MORAL.

_Rage upon Rage is a Double Madness._

REFLEXION.

Governors had need be very well Principled, and good Natur’d, to keep their Passions in Order and Obedience: But when an Absolute Power shall come to be put upon the Stretch by an Outragious Humour, there’s no Living under it. By a _Raging Lion_, is meant an Unruly and a Cruel Governor, which is a sad Calamity, but not without somewhat of Dignity yet in the Misfortune; for ’tis a _Lion_ still, how Mad soever. Now if it had been a Raging _Ape_, the Fancy had been Ridiculous and Scandalous to the Last Degree; and therefore the Moral is Restrain’d to the True and Genuine Character of Sovereignty, without Descending to the Counterfeit.

The Moralists that make this Raging of a _Lion_ to be a Surcharge of One Madness upon another, must not be Understood Simply, as if they took Government for a Burden and an Oppression; but it refers to the Infelicity of that State where an Impotent Will puts an Unbounded Power upon the Tenter. But let the Oppression be never so Sanguinary, there’s no Appeal left from the Tyranny; for if a General Insurrection had been thought Lawful, the Fable would not have made the Case so Desperate: So that this is only to Insinuate the Sacredness of Power, let the Administration of it be what it will: And the Reason of it is so plain, that it is impossible for Human Frailty to be better Secur’d then it is by the Determinations of Providence in this Particular. An Unlimited Power ’tis true is a strong Temptation, and where ’tis Screw’d up to the Highest Pitch, ’tis a great Unhappiness; but it is not for Men that have their Fortunes and their Stations in this World Assign’d them, to take upon themselves to be their own Carvers, and to Grumble at the Orders and Resolutions of their Masters and Rulers. ’Tis a Great Unhappiness to lye at the Mercy of a _Raging Lyon_; but it is a Christian Duty nevertheless to suffer Patiently under the Justice of such a Judgment.

FAB. CCCCXIII.

The _Kingdom_ of _Apes_.

Two Men took a Voyage together into the Kingdom of _Apes_; the one a _Trimmer_, the other a _Plain Dealer_. They were taken into Custody, and carried to the Prince of the Country, as he sat in State, and a mighty Court about him. Well, says the King to the _Trimmer_, Look me in the Face now, and say, What do you take me to be? A Great Emperor, Undoubtedly, says the _Trimmer_. Well, says his Majesty once again, and what d’ye take all these People about me for? Why Sir, says he, I take them for your Majesties Nobility and Great Officers. The Prince was wonderfully pleas’d with the Civility and Respect of the Man, and Order’d him a Bushel of Pippins, as a singular Mark of his Royal Favour. His Majesty after this, put the same Questions to the _Plain Dealer_, who fell to computing with Himself, that if his Companion had gotten a Reward for a damn’d Lye, certainly he should have twice as much for a Plain Honest Truth; and so he told the King Bluntly, that he took him for a very Extraordinary _Ape_, and all those People about him for his _Trusty and Well-beloved Counsellors and Cozens_: But the Poor Man Paid dearly for his Simplicity; for upon a Signal from the Emperor, the whole Band of _Apes_ fell Tooth and Nail upon him, and tore him one Limb from another.

The MORAL.

_Where the Rules and Measures of Policy are Perverted, there must needs Ensue a Failure of Justice, and a Corruption of Manners: And in a Kingdom of Apes, Buffons may well put in for Commission-Officers._

REFLEXION.

This (says _Camerarius_) is to reprove the Practices of perverse Courts, and Extravagant Princes.

It is proper Bus’ness of _Mythology_ to Point out, and Represent the Images of Good and Evil, and under those Shadows to Teach us what we ought to do, and what not, either Severally and Apart, or as Members of a Society; that is to say, Simply, as Men in a State of Right Nature, or as Parents, or Children, Masters or Servants, Husbands or Wives, Rulers or Subjects, Friends, Countrymen, Relations, and the like. Now as there are Good and Bad of all sorts; so their Virtues and their Vices, their good Behaviour and their Misdemeanors are to be set forth, Circumstanc’d and Distinguish’d in such sort, as by Rewards or Punishments, to Encourage the One, and to Discountenance the Other, in proportion to the Dignity of the Action, or the Degree of the Offence; by conferring Marks and Characters of Honour, Offices of Trust, or Beneficial Commissions on the one hand, and by inflicting Sentences of Shame, Infamy, Pains Corporal, or Pecuniary on the other. Without this Distribution, one main end of Emblem is lost; neither is it the true Figure of Life. For, Wicked Men, False Brethren, Unnatural Parents, Disobedient Children, Barbarous Husbands, Undutiful Wives, Tyrannical, Weak or Fantastical Governors; Rebellious Subjects, Cruel Masters, Faithless Servants, Perfidious Kindred and Acquaintance: All these Lewd Characters are as Absolutely necessary to the Perfecting of the Design, as the most Laudable Excellencies in Nature.

In this Fable of the Kingdom of _Apes_, the Author according to _Camerarius_, intended the Picture of an Extravagant Government, where he gives Flattery and Corruption the advantages that in Policy and Justice belong to Services of Honour and of Truth: And at the same time Delivers up a Man of Honesty, Justice and plain Dealing to be torn to Pieces. This Kingdom of _Apes_ has been Moralliz’d a Thousand and a Thousand times over in the Practice of the World, and such as the Fountain is, such will be the Stream. Let Government it self be never so Sacred, Governors are still but Men; and how Necessary and Beneficial soever the Order is at all Hands Confess’d to be, the Officers yet, and the Administrators are but Flesh and Blood, and liable to the Passions and Frailties of other Mortals.

There are in fine, many Distempers, Errors, and Extravagances, that shew themselves in the Exercise of Political Powers; as an inexorable Rigour for the Purpose, or as a _Lasche_ Demission of Sovereign Authority. There are Cases of Sensuality, Pleasure, and Appetite, where Governours have only the Name of Rulers, while some over-grown Subject perhaps Usurps upon the Prerogative in Effect, and does the worst things imaginable in the Name of the Publick. But this rarely happens, save where the Master wants Resolution to check the License and Presumption of a Daring Servant.

There is also a certain Manage that leaves all at Six and Seven, and thinks to support Greatness without either Rule, Weight or Measure; and that’s a dangerous Point, when Prudence and Fidelity shall turn to Loss, and wickedness be supported by the Reputation of Favour and Applause. The Misery of these false Measures is excellently well Pointed out to us in this Fable; and consequently the Blessings of a steady Admiration, where the Ends of Government are Conscientiously observ’d, and the Divine Priviledges of Power maintain’d; and where Truth and Justice are impartially Asserted and Administer’d, and as resolutely Defended.

FAB. CCCCXIV.

An _Ass_ made a _Judge_ of _Musick_.

There was a Question started betwixt a _Cuckow_ and a _Nightingale_, which of the Two had the Better Voice, and the better way of Singing. It came at last to a Tryal of Skill, and an _Ass_ was to be the Judge; who upon Hearing both Sides, gave it clearly for the _Cuckow_.

The MORAL.

_’Tis a Hard Case for Philosophers to be Try’d by Fools, and the Multitude to sit Judges upon the Niceties of Honour and Government._

REFLEXION.

The Old _Adage_ of _Asinus ad Lyram_, answers this Figure to the very Letter. The Fable extends to all Incompetent Judges, Umpires or Arbitrators, in what Case or Matter, or under what Incapacity or Disability soever. It Points at the Folly and Scandal of the Choice too, as well as the Iniquity of the Sentence; for the Honour of the Governor, and the Well-being of the Government, depend in a great Measure upon the Fitness of the Officer, let his Commission be Ecclesiastical, Civil, Military, or what else it will. Here’s an _Ass_ made a Judge of _Musick_; a Faculty that he neither Loves nor Understands; for there’s _no Song to One Ass, like the Braying off Another_. Let any Man fancy to Himself, how it would look to put a _Law-Case_ to a _Jack-Pudding_; a Question of _State_ to a _Corn Cutter_; a Point of _Conscience_ to a _Knight of the Post_. In short, let every Man be Consulted and Credited in his own Way and Trade. Neither can it be Expected that a Fool should judge according to Wisdom, Truth, Reason and Justice. There may be very proper Exceptions too upon the Matter, as well of Morals, as of Abilities. One would not trust a Covetous Man in Mony Matters, where there’s anything to be Gotten, either by Fraud or Corruption; nor a Vain Man, where there’s a Temptation to Popularity. False men are not to be taken into Confidence; nor Fearful Men into a Post that requires Resolution; nor Cruel, Insolent Men, into a Station where Power may be Abus’d to Oppression. All these Absurdities fall within the Dint of this Fable; for want of Honesty makes a Judge as Incompetent, as want of Understanding.

FAB. CCCCXV.

An _Ape Judge_ betwixt a _Fox_ and a _Wolf_.

A _Wolf_ charges a _Fox_ with a Piece of Pilfery. The _Fox_ Denies it. The _Ape_ tries the Cause, and upon a fair Hearing, Pronounces them both to be Guilty. You (says the Judge to the _Wolf_) have the Face to Challenge that which you never Lost; and you (says he to the _Fox_) have the Confidence to deny that which you have certainly Stoll’n.

The MORAL.

_When both Plaintiff and Defendant happen to be a Couple of Crafty Knaves, there’s Equity against them Both._

REFLEXION.

This Fable tells us what Credit is to be given to Witnesses of a False and Lewd Conversation, and that a known Liar is of no Authority in a Judgment of Law, even when he speaks Truth. Where a Brace of Sharpers will be going to Law, none so fit as an _Ape_ to try the Cause; and it was a Sentence worthy of such a Judge, to pronounce them both Guilty; which in Equity they were, with a respect to their Character and Reputation; tho’ in Law they could not be so, upon the Fact in Question. If the _Ape_ in this Fable had too little regard to the Letter of the Law, we have seen some Cases where more stress has been laid upon the rigour and strictness of it, then Conscientiously did belong to’t: For when one Man of an Exemplary Improbity, Charges another of the same Stamp, in a Court of Justice, he lies under the Disadvantage of a strong Suspicion, even before he is Heard; and People are Prepar’d to believe the Worst of him by Anticipation, and before his Case is known. So that the Bare Prejudice is sufficient to turn the Scale, where it was Gold-weight before; unless we Ballance the Improbity of the one, with the Improbity of the other, as the _Ape_ did here in the Fable.

We are to understand upon the whole Matter, that it is more Advisable to give too little Credit in a Court of Judicature to Men of Profligate Lives, then too Much: For ’tis a Scandal to Publick Justice, to make use of such Instruments for the Supporters of a State.

FAB. CCCCXVI.

An _Ape_ and a _Lion_ in his Kingdom.

We are told of a _Lion_, that (after the Laudable Example of other Princes) pass’d an Act of Grace upon his Accession to the Crown, wherein he was pleas’d to Declare himself wonderfully in favour of _the Liberties and Properties of his Subjects_. He did not hold in this Mind long; and yet he could not think it convenient neither, to make any Attempts upon the Beasts by open Force; so that he chose rather to take them One by One in Private to him, and sift them all upon this General Question; _Put your Nose just to my Mouth, says he, when I Gape, and then tell me truly, is my Breath Sweet or no_? Some told him that it was not Sweet, others that it was; and so he pick’d a Quarrel with them Both: The one Sort went to Pot for their Hypocrisie; and the other for their Insolence. It came to the _Ape_ at last, to deliver his Opinion upon the Matter; the _Ape_ Smelt and Snuffled, and consider’d on’t: Why certainly Sir, says he, You have some Rich Perfume in your Mouth, for I never smelt any thing so fragrant since I was Born. The Roguy _Ape_ in fine, Wheedled him so Artificially, that the _Lion_ had not the face to Chop him up immediately upon the Spot, and yet he was Resolv’d he should not Scape neither: So the _Lion_ counterfeited Sick, and there was notable Puzzling among the Doctors I warrant ye, about his Pulse and his Water: But they told him however upon due consideration, that they found no Mortal Symptoms about him, only a kind of Heavy Indisposition, that might be easily Rectified by a Careful Diet; and so they Desir’d him by all means to bethink himself what Flesh he lov’d best, and e’en make a Hearty Meal on’t. Why then (says the _Lion_) I have a strange Fancy for a Mouthful of Good Sound _Apes-Flesh_, if you find it proper for me: Nothing like it, they cry’d; and so the Poor Flattering _Ape_ was presently Taken up, Dress’d and Eaten by way of Prescription.

The MORAL.

_There’s no Hope for an Honest Man, where Flattery is Encourag’d and Rewarded, and Plain-Dealing Punish’d._

REFLEXION.

This Fable gives to Understand, that where Men of Power happen to be Unjust and Cruel, all the Prudence and Innocency in the World will not save a Man: He that would Thrive in such a Court, must Govern himself betwixt Sincerity and Adulation. The Art of Pleasing is not every Man’s Talent, neither will the same way of Manage work upon all Humours alike. The Art of Pleasing, is in Truth but the Art of Living; and the Skill of Cutting to a Third, betwixt Flattery and Ill Manners; but so as to Accomodate the Method and the Application, to the _Genius_ of the Man, or of the People, and to the Quality of the Bus’ness in hand: Not but that there are some Cases and Natures that a Man cannot so much as Touch, without Burning his Fingers, and where Truth, Flattery, and Trimming are all Mortal.

We may learn from hence also, that Justice is so Awfully Sacred, that the most Faithless of Men have a secret Veneration for it; for their Uttermost Cruelties are cover’d with the semblance of it; and in the very Exercise of the Vice, they Affect the Reputation of the Virtue. ’Tis neither Prudent nor Safe, in fine, to Provoke great Men, or indeed to have any thing to do with them, if they be not Men of Honour, as well as of Power; for though their Hands seem to be Bound, they can yet Untye themselves, by Virtue of a certain Prerogative they have to Play _Fast or Loose at Pleasure_.

FAB. CCCCXVII.

Two _Laden Asses_.

There’s an Old Story of _Two Asses_ Traveling upon the Road, the One Laden with _Oats_, the other with _Mony_: The _Mony-Merchant_, I Warrant ye, was so Proud of his _Trust_ and of his _Bell_, that he went Jurking and Tossing of his Head, and Tabring with his Feet all the way, as if no Ground would hold him. The other Plodding on with his Nose in the Breech of his Leader, as Gravely as one Foot could follow another. While they were Jogging on thus upon the way, out comes a Band of _Highway-Men_ from the next Wood, and falls upon the _Ass_ that carried the _Treasure_. They Beat, Wound and Rifle him, and so leave him, without so much as taking the least Notice of his Fellow. Well, (says the _King’s Ass_,) and for all this Mischief I may e’en thank my _Mony_. Right, says the other; and it has been my Happiness that I was not thought worth the Robbing.

The MORAL.

_Poverty is both Safe and Easie; and Riches a Great Snare to People in many Cases: As it far’d worse here with the_ State-Ass _then with the_ Muletiers.

REFLEXION.

The poor Peaceable Man has nothing to Fear, but does his Bus’ness, and takes his Rest, without the Trouble either of Thieves or of Alarums. ’Tis the Booty, not the Man, (save only for the Booty’s Sake,) that is in Danger. There’s either _Mony_ or _Mony’s-worth_, in all the Controversies of Life; for we live in a Mercenary World, and ’tis the Price, in some sort or other, of all things that are in it; but as it certainly draws Envy and Hazzard after it, so there are great Advantages go along with it, and great Blessings that attend the right use of it. And so for Poverty too; a narrow Fortune is undoubtedly a Cramp to a great Mind, and lays a Man under a Thousand Incapacities of serving either his Countrey or his Friend; but it has the Comforts yet of being free from the Cares and Perils that accompany great Masses of Treasure and Plentiful Estates. Beside, that the Virtue of a Generous and a Charitable Tenderness of Nature, is never the less Acceptable to him that takes the Will for the Deed, for want of Ability to put those good Inclinations in Execution. This Fable in short, makes good the Old Saying,

_No Man Sings a Merrier Note_
_Then he that cannot change a Groat._

FAB. CCCCXVIII.

A _Boar_ Challenges an _Ass_.

There pass’d some Hard Words betwixt a _Boar_ and an _Ass_, and a Challenge follow’d upon’t. The _Boar_ depended upon his Tusks, and computed within himself, that Head to Head the t’other could never be able to Encounter him. So he Advanc’d upon his Adversary: And the _Ass_, so soon as ever he had him within Distance, turn’d Tayl upon him, and gave him such a Lash over the Chops with his Iron Hoof, that he made him stagger again. The _Boar_, after a little Pause, Recover’d himself. Well, (says he,) I was not aware of such an Attack from that End.

The MORAL.

_No great Enterprize should be Undertaken without considering beforehand the Good or the Ill that may come of it._

REFLEXION.

This Fable shews the great Oversight of Engaging in Quarrels, without considering from what Quarter the Danger may come. Where Adversaries are unequally Match’d, it will behove the Weaker to supply the want of Force and Courage, by Invention and Address. Presumption can never Justifie either Temerity or Carelessness; for every Creature has its Weak Side, and lies open to be Impos’d upon by Craft or Surprize. There’s an Infamy in the very Challenge of so Base and Timorous a Creature; but then to be Worsted by an _Animal_ that’s the Scorn of all the Rest, is Shameful and Ridiculous to the Highest Degree.

FAB. CCCCXIX.

A _Cuckow_ and _Little Birds_.

A _Cuckow_ was asking several Little Birds, what made them so shy of coming into her Company. They told her, that she was so like a _Hawk_, they did not care to have any thing to do with her.

The MORAL.

_A Wise Man Searches into the Nature of Things, and does not Govern himself by outward Semblances and Appearances._

REFLEXION.

There should a Regard be had in all our Actions and Councels, to the Nicety of the matter in Question. This is to tell us, that the very Appearances of Evil are to be Avoided, and all the Semblances of Danger to be well Examin’d and Consider’d. Why should not a Bird as well trust a _Hawk_ that’s like a _Cuckow_, as trust a _Cuckow_ that’s like a _Hawk_? Two Likes may be Mistaken, and a Man cannot be too wary where the Error is Mortal. There may be a Disguise ’tis true, in the one case, and a misapprehension in the other; but it is safer yet to stand upon our Guard against an Enemy in the Likeness of a Friend, then to Embrace any Man for a Friend in the Likeness of an Enemy. There’s no Snare like Credulity, when the Bait that’s laid for us is cover’d with the pretence of a Good Office. Neither are there any Impostures so Pernicious, as those that are put upon us by fair Resemblances. He that is not certain, (in such an Instance as this,) is in danger; and ’tis ill Venturing (Neck and all especially,) where a Body is not very sure, whether it be a _Hawk_ or a _Cuckow_.

FAB. CCCCXX.

_Hungry Dogs_ and a _Raw Hyde_.

A Company of _Hungry Curs_ Discover’d a _Raw-Hide_ in the Bottom of a River, and laid their Heads together how to come at it: They Canvass’d the matter one way and t’other, and brought it to this Issue in the Conclusion, that the only way to get it, was to Drink their way to’t. So they fell to Lapping and Guzzling, ’till in one Word, they Burst themselves, and never the nearer.

The MORAL.

_He that sets his Heart upon Things Impossible, shall be sure to Lose his Longing._

REFLEXION.

Foolish Counsel is not only Vain and Unprofitable in General, but in many particular Cases most Destructive and Deadly. This Fable lays open the Folly, the Vanity, and the Danger of Pressing too eagerly for any thing that’s out of our Reach. We spend our Strength, and our Credit in clearing the way to’t, and it flies before us like a Shadow, which we may well Pursue, but can never Overtake. It is much the Humour of Chymists, and a Thousand other sorts of Projectors, that propose to themselves things utterly Impracticable, and consume their Lives in Hopeless and Fruitless Undertakings. This falls out for want of Computing upon the Proportion betwixt the Means, and the End; and for want of Examining and Considering what’s Practicable, and what not; and for want again of Measuring our Force and Capacity with our Designs.

FAB. CCCCXXI.

An _Ass_ and a _Shadow_.

One Hir’d an _Ass_ in the _Dog-Days_ to carry certain Bails of Goods to such a Town: ’Twas Extreme Hot, so that he lay down upon the way to Refresh himself under the Shade of the _Ass_. The _Muletier_ Bad him Rise, and go on According to his Bargain. T’other said, that the _Ass_ was His for the time he had Hir’d him. Right, says the other, You have Hir’d the _Ass_, but not the _Shadow_.

The MORAL.

_Work for the Lawyers._

REFLEXION.

This Fable Plays upon the Contentious Humour of People that go to Law for Trifles. _De Asini Umbra_, is effectually but this Fancy in an _Adage_. There needs no more to the setting of the whole World in a Flame, then a Ouarrelsom Plaintiff and Defendant, and a Brace of _Chicaneurs_ to Blow the Coals. Wrangling is Instructed as an Art or a Science on the one side, and made use of as an Exercise on the other. Some People can no more Live without Law, then without Air, and they reckon it better Husbandry to spend a Thousand Pounds upon Counsel, to Defend a Trivial or an Unwarrantable Cause, then to part with one single Six Pence for the Payment of an Honest Debt. This Fable in short, is Moralliz’d in _Westminster-Hall_, Forty times over every Term.

FAB. CCCCXXII.

A _Country-Fellow_ and a _River_.

A _Blockheaded Boy_ that was sent to Market with Butter and Cheese by the Good Old Woman his Mother, made a stop at a Quick _River_ in the way, and laid himself down upon the Bank there, till it should run out. About Midnight, Home he goes to his Mother, with all his Market-Trade back again. Why how now Son, says She, what have we here to do! Why Mother, says this Booby, yonder’s a Scurvy _River_ that has been running all this Day, and I staid till Just now for the Running of it out, and there ’tis Running still. The Lord help thee Son, says the Good Woman, for thy Head and mine will be laid many a Fair Day before this _River_ runs Dry.

The MORAL.

_We are not to Expect that Nature will Change her Course, to Gratifie the Sickly Freak of every Fantastical Humour._

REFLEXION.

This is to shew us the Mischief and the Danger of Procrastination. The Sloathful and Irresolute slip their Opportunities in the very Expectation of them. Some People are so unreasonably Lazy, as to expect that Nature should rather go out of her Course and Way for their Sakes, then they put themselves to the trouble of Moving One Step out of their own way for the sake of Bus’ness and Nature. They’ll rather wait the Running of a River Dry, then take the Pains to look about for a Bridge or a Ford. They never consider that Nature is a Perpetual Motion, and that the Work of the Universe Circulates, without any Interval or Repose. Why should not the Sun sleep in the Firmament, or stand still to Attend our Affairs, as well as the Rivers stop their Courses to give us Passage?

Nay, the Madness of this Folly is yet more Impious then any thing else in’t; for what Man in his Right Wits can pretend to Wish, to Hope, or to wait for such Events, for the Gratifying of a Sickly Fancy, as would be enough to put People quite beside their Senses, if they should come to pass? So Ridiculous are Intemperate Curiosities, and Impotent Affections, that nothing less then Portents, and the Confounding of Nature in her Course and Causes, can Content us. How can any thing succeed well to People that are to be pleased with Nothing, unless the very Ball of the Universe may be Unravel’d, and the Laws of Providence Revers’d?

FAB. CCCCXXIII.

A _Bladder_ with _Beans_ in’t.

In the Days of _Adam_, when (as the Story says,) the World had here and there a Shrew in’t, it fell to the Lot of a certain Philosopher to have one of those Smart Lasses to his Wife: The Evil Spirit was often up with her; and never had any Quack or Operator so many Receipts for the Tooth-Ach, or a Quartan Ague as he had Spells offer’d him for the Laying of it again: But when he found that neither Saying Much, Little, or Nothing: neither Choler nor Patience; neither Going nor Staying, would do any Good upon her, he Betook himself to _a Bladder of Beans_, and the shaking of that Bladder when the Fit was upon her, without One Syllable speaking, was at any time a Present Cure.

The MORAL.

_There’s no way like Raising one Devil to Cast out another; For there Must be no Answering of Noise, Folly and Reviling, in the Same Kind._

REFLEXION.

The Husband here in the Fable found no Charm to lay the Devil in a Petticoat, but the Ratling of a Bladder with _Beans_ in’t; and I my self have known a _Cat-Pipe_ us’d in the like Case with very good Success. There’s no Contending with an Impetuous Woman, by Authority or Reason. The Banging of it out in a Dispute at length, would be a loss both of Time and of Honour, and to no manner of purpose neither; for what should a Man do, Reasoning upon a Point where Reason does not so much as enter into the Question? So that it is the Best of a Brave Man’s Game to make a Drawn Battel on’t, where there’s no Possibility of a Victory. He in fine, that contemns a Shrew to the Degree of not Descending to Word it with her, does worse then Beat her. But we live in an Age, when Women, we hope, are better Instructed, then to fly in the Face of Religion it self, Law, and Nature: And these Desperate Encounters can never fall out betwixt a Man and his Wife, but where the Woman is lost to all sence of Shame, Prudence, Modesty, and Common Respect.

FAB. CCCCXXIV.

A _Fox_ and a _Divining Cock_.

A _Fox_ that had spy’d out a _Cock_ at Roost upon a Tree, and out of his Reach, fell all of a sudden into an Extravagant Fit of Kindness for him; and to Enlarge upon the Wonderful Esteem he had for the Faculties and good Graces of the Bird, but more particularly for his Skill in _Divination_, and the Foreknowledge of Things to come. Oh (says he) that I were but Worthy the Friendship of so great a Prophet! This Flattery brought the _Cock_ down from the Tree into the very Mouth of the _Fox_, and so away he Trudges with him into the Woods; reflecting still as he went, upon the strange Force that Fair Words have upon vain Fools: For this Sot of a _Cock_ (says he) to take himself for a _Diviner_, and yet not foresee at the same time, that if he fell into my Clutches, I should certainly make a Supper of him.

The MORAL.

_A fool that will Swallow Flattery, shal never want a Knave to give it him._

REFLEXION.

The Power of Flattery, where it is once Entertain’d, is well nigh Irresistible; for it carries the Countenance of Friendship and Respect; and Foolish Natures are easily wrought upon, and Perverted, under that Semblance. When Pride, Vanity, and Weakness of Judgment meet in the same Person, there’s no Resisting the Temptations of a fair Tongue, and consequently no avoiding the Secret and Malicious Designs of a False Heart. Here’s a Credulous _Cock_ already prepar’d for the Entertainment of the Grossest of Flatteries: Nothing so Ridiculous, nothing so Impossible, but it goes down whole with him, for truth and Earnest: Nay, and the Folly is so Unacountable, and the Madness so Notorious, that in this Humour the most Spiteful Enemies we have in the World, pass upon us for Friends. The _Cock_ takes the Councel of a _Fox_, and, like the _Squirrel_ to the _Rattle-Snake_, puts himself into the Mouth of his Mortal Adversary, How many such Diviners do we meet with in our Daily Conversation, that lay their Lives, Fortunes, and Reputation at the Mercy of Parasites? How many Sots that Commence Philosophers upon the Credit of these Fawning Slaves! There’s no Fool to the great Fool that’s Fool’d by a little Fool; nor any thing so Scandalous as to be the Fool Of a Fool.

FAB. CCCCXXV.

The _Moon_ Begs a _New Gown_.

The _Moon_ was in a heavy Twitter once, that her _Cloaths_ never Fitted her: Wherefore, Pray Mother, says She, let the Taylor take Measure of me for a _New-Gown_. Alas Child, says the Mother, how is it possible to make any one Garment to Fit a Body that appears every Day in a several Shape?

The MORAL.

_’Tis the Humour of many People, to be perpetually Longing for something or other that’s not to be had._

REFLEXION.

This shews us the Vanity of Impracticable Propositions, and that there is no Measure to be taken of an Unsteddy Mind. There’s no Quieting of Unsettled Affections; no satisfying of Unbounded Desires; no possibility in Short, of either Fixing or Pleasing them. Let a Man but say what he would have, When, and how Much, or how Little and the Moon’s Taylor may take Measure of him; but to be Longing, for this thing to Day, and for that thing to Morrow; to Change Likings for Loathings, and to stand Wishing and Hankering at a venture, how is it possible for any Man to be at Rest in this Fluctuant Wandring Humor and Opinion? There’s no fitting of a Gown to a Body that’s of one Size when you take Measure of it, and of another when you come to put it on. ’Tis the very same Case with a Heart that is not True to it self. And upon the whole Matter, Men of this Levity are Condemn’d to the Misery of Living and Dying Uneasie.

FAB. CCCCXXVI.

A _Young Fellow_ about to _Marry_.

_Marrying and Hanging_, they say, _go by Destiny_, and the Blade had this Thought in his Head perhaps, that Desir’d the Pray’rs of the Congregation, when he was upon the very Point of Matrimony. His Friends gave him no Answer it seems, which put him upon Reasoning the Matter with them. Why, Gentlemen (says he) if there had been but a _Snick-up_ in the Case, you’d have cry’d _the Lord Bless ye Sir_; and there is more Danger in _Marrying_ I hope, then there is in _Sneezing_.

The MORAL.

_The Parson was much in the Right sure, that like the Hangman, ask’d all People Forgiveness that he was to Marry, before he did Execution upon them._

REFLEXION.

Many a Man runs a greater Risque in a Wife, then the World is aware of. The Whimsical Freak of this young Bantering Spark, would have made no Ill Ingredient into a Wise and Sober Man’s _Litany_, and though it looks like a Jest, there is somewhat in’t yet that may be worth a Thinking Man’s Earnest. But there will need no more then the Experience of those that have Try’d the Circumstances of this Blessed State, to Recommend the Morality of the Allusion, to the Thought of others, that are not yet Enter’d into the Matrimonial Noose.

FAB. CCCCXXVII.

A _Woman_ Trusted with a _Secret_.

There was a Good Woman (in the Days when Good Women were in Fashion) that valu’d her self wonderfully upon the Faculty of Retention, or (for the sake of Good Manners) upon the admirable Gift she had in the keeping of a Secret. The Toy took her Husband in the Head once, to make a Trial of her Virtue that way; and so he told her one Morning upon Waking, in the greatest Confidence imaginable, one of the strangest Things perhaps that ever was heard of, which had that Night befall’n him: But my Dear, says he, if you should Speak on’t again, I’m utterly Ruin’d; and Women are generally so Leaky, that in the whole Course of my Life, I have hardly met with any one of the Sex that could not hold her Breath longer then she could keep a Secret. Ah, my Life (says she) but your Woman I assure ye, is none of that Number? What? betray my Husband’s Secrets, I’d Die a Thousand Deaths first. No my Heart, if ever I do, may—— Her Husband at that word stopp’d her Mouth, for fear of some Bloody Imprecation, and so told her. Come Wife, says he, _They that will Swear, will Lye_, and so I’ll rather tell you upon Honour, Look ye here what has befall’n me: I have laid an Egg to Night; and so he took the Egg from his Back-side, and bad her feel on’t; but if this should ever come to Light now, People would say that I was Hen-Trod, and the Disgrace of it would make me a Scandal to Mankind. This Secret lay Burning in the Breast of the Poor Woman, and kept her _Waking_, till she had Day-light enough to Rise by; and then softly out of the Bed she steals, for fear of _Waking_ her Husband, and so away Post-hast to a Gossipping Neighbour of her Acquaintance; Hurries her out of her Bed; Charms and Swears her to Privacy; and then out comes the Secret, That her Husband had laid Two Eggs that very Night. This Confident had another Confident; and there ’twas Three Eggs. The next made it Four; and so it went on (increasing still,) from one Gossip to another, till by Six a Clock in the Afternoon they had made it Forty Eggs.

The MORAL.

_Three may Keep Counsel when Two are away._

REFLEXION.

There’s no such way of Publishing or Proclaiming any thing, as by Enjoining a Woman under the Seal of Confession to keep it Secret. They that are Curious to _know_ forbidden Secrets, are as Frank of Telling them again, and of Enlarging them: So that whoever shews me a very Inquisitive Body, I’ll shew him a Blab, and one that shall make a Privacy as Publick as a Proclamation. But if your Wife will have it so, and calls for a Categorical Answer, [_Will ye tell me, or will ye not?_] If you tell the Secret, ’tis odds but in Twelve Hours it shall be Town-Talk, and be made Thirteen times more then ’tis. If you refuse to tell it, there’s no enduring the Exclamations, for want of Trust and Confidence, and the Unaccountable Jealousies that Follow upon’t. For there are a sort of People that never consider the many separate Privacies of Trust and Honour, that a Husband cannot Honestly Communicate to a Wife, nor a Wife to a Husband: That is to say, where there’s a Third Party or Matter concern’d, apart from any thing in the Question that is Conjugal betwixt them.

He that can doubt of the Reason and the Necessity of this Guard and Caution, must be much a Stranger to the History of the Great Rebellion under _Charles the First of Blessed Memory_: when so many State-Intrigues pass’d through the Hands of Women, who are without Dispute the best of Spies, and the most proper Instruments for Discovery and Intelligence: Especially if they be Women of Address, Wit and Beauty; for the very Sex has certain Priviledges upon the point of a Cavalier Gallantry and Good Breeding, to cover them from the Strictnesses of Search and Examination, that other Agents are commonly Subjected to.

Now to Reconcile a seeming Contradiction here, in making Women at the same time to be both Fit and Unfit to be Trusted; this Fable does not strike so much at the Futility of Women in General, as at the Incontinent Levity of a Prying Inquisitive Humour; and it falls in over and above, by way of a Short and Pertinent Digression, to shew that State-Matters are Morally Excepted out of the Articles of Marriage.

FAB. CCCCXXVIII.

A _Woman_ and _Thrushes_.

In the Days of Yore, when Men and their Wives agreed like Dog and Cat in a House together, the Good Man had been a Shooting it seems, and brought his Dame Home a Dozen of _Black-Birds_ with him. _Come, Sweet Heart_, says he, _Prithee let’s have these Black-Birds to Supper. Black-Birds?_ says she, the Lord Bless us, why certainly the Man’s a Changeling. Come, come, you shall have your Thrushes for Supper then. _Well_, says he, _but I tell you again, I’ll have these_ Black-Birds _to Supper_. That’s well, quoth the Woman, and I tell you Again and Again, that you shall have these _Thrushes_ for Supper. _Prithee my Dear_, says the Man, _If I say they are_ Black-Birds, _let ’em be_ Black-Birds: _I’ll allow you to think they may be_ Thrushes, _but don’t contradict me_. Prithee my Dear, says she, If I have a Fool to my Husband, is my Husband’s Wife bound to be a Fool for Company? _Hussy, don’t Provoke me_, says the Man, _but let the_ Black-Birds _be Dress’d, and do as I bid ye; Obey your Husband, ye’ad best._ Lifelikins, says she, I know no more Reason I have to Obey my Husband, then my Husband has to Obey me; and Sirrah in the Teeth of ye, since ye are Hussying of me, no other Woman would have the Patience to be Abus’d thus. From these _Family-Words_ they fell to _Blows_, and there was the _Wig_ in one Corner, and the _Head-Gear_ in another: upon the Question whether they were _Black-Birds_ or _Thrushes_. When the Bickering was over, they went very comfortably to Bed together, and so rubb’d on in a kind of a _Catterwalling Life_, till just _that day Twelve Month_: And then came the History of the _Black-Birds_ and the _Thrushes_ upon the Carpet again. Ah ye Beast you, says the Woman, How did you beat your poor Wife Sirrah, _this Day Twelve Month_ about those Damn’d _Thrushes! Black-Birds ye Jade_, says the _One_; _Thrushes ye Rogue_, says _t’other_: And so in one word, they play’d the same _Farce_ over again; insomuch, that for the time they Liv’d together, the Woman had an _Anniversary Beating_, as duly as the day of the Month came about every Year after.

The MORAL.

——Cœlum licet & Mare Terris
Confundas, Homo sum.——_What must be, must be._

REFLEXION.

’Tis a Folly next to Madness for Women to be trying Masteries with their Husbands; to say nothing of the Scandal they bring upon themselves and their Families, by such a forfeiture of Honour, Discretion, Modesty, and Good Manners. Nay, and ’tis well too, if from some Men, and upon some Provocations, they scape the Discipline of a good Drubbing into the Bargain.

There are divers Important Doctrines couch’d under this Fable; First, the insuperable Obstinacy of a violent Woman. Secondly, the Scandal of the Example, as well as the Folly of the Competition. Thirdly, The Natural Issue of the Controversie, where the weakest must expect to goe to the Wall. The World, Heaven be thanked, does not want Instances to illustrate this Figure. So that there will be less need of amplifying upon it. We are not here upon the Philosophy of the Freak, but upon the Shameful Lewdness of the Practice. _Sirrah_, (says a Woman to a Friend of mine, that took her off from beating her Husband,) _I’m a Wor’stershire Woman, and I wont be Abus’d_. _Juvenal_’s _Homo sum_, says all in Two Words. When the Devil of this Passion is rais’d, there’s no Abiding the Storm, and there’s no Laying on’t. _One such Womans Tongue_ (says the Poet) _is beyond all the Pans and Kettles in the Country, to bring the Moon out of an Ecclipse_. Keep up the Dialogue and she Kills _you_; let it fall, and you Kill _her_. This was the very Case of a Certain Divine that Chid a Woman for Striking and Reviling her Husband. She left her Husband immediately, and fell upon the Jacket of the Parson, who stood Gaping at her a full Hour and a Half together, without one word of Reply. The Passion put her at last into Fits, and the first word she said upon coming to her self again, was no more then this, _Ah Sir_, says she, _Ever while you live, Answer a Woman_.