Chapter XCVII: Letter I: found that Will was fallen off from his former Gayety, having (6)

P. S. '_You may find us at my Lady Betty_ Clack's, _who will leave
Orders with her Porter, that if an elderly Gentleman, with a short
Face, enquires for her, he shall be admitted and no Questions asked._

As this particular Paper shall consist wholly of what I have received from my Correspondents, I shall fill up the remaining Part of it with other congratulatory Letters of the same Nature.

_Oxford, June 25, 1714._

_SIR,_

'We are here wonderfully pleased with the Opening of your Mouth, and
very frequently open ours in Approbation of your Design; especially
since we find you are resolved to preserve your Taciturnity as to all
Party Matters. We do not question but you are as great an Orator as
Sir _Hudibras_, of whom the Poet sweetly sings,

'--He could not ope
His Mouth, but out there flew a Trope.'

'If you will send us down the Half-dozen well-turned Periods, that
produced such dismal Effects in your Muscles, we will deposite them
near an old Manuscript of _Tully's_ Orations, among the Archives of
the University; for we all agree with you, that there is not a more
remarkable Accident recorded in History, since that which happened to
the Son of _Croesus_, nay, I believe you might have gone higher, and
have added _Balaam's_ Ass. We are impatient to see more of your
Productions, and expect what Words will next fall from you, with as
much attention as those, who were set to watch the speaking Head which
Friar _Bacon_ formerly erected in this Place.
We are,

_Worthy SIR_,
_Your most humble Servants_,
B. R. T. D., &c.

_Honest_ SPEC.

_Middle-Temple, June 24_.

'I am very glad to hear that thou beginnest to prate; and find, by thy
Yesterday's Vision, thou art so used to it, that thou canst not
forbear talking in thy Sleep. Let me only advise thee to speak like
other Men, for I am afraid thou wilt be very Queer, if thou dost not
intend to use the Phrases in Fashion, as thou callest them in thy
Second Paper. Hast thou a Mind to pass for a _Bantamite_, or to make
us all _Quakers_? I do assure thee, Dear SPEC, I am not Polished out
of my Veracity, when I subscribe my self

_Thy Constant Admirer,
and humble Servant,_
Frank Townly.

* * * * *

No. 561. Wednesday, June 30, 1714. Addison.

'--Paulatim abolere Sichæum
Incipit, et vivo tentat prævertere amore
Jampridem resides animos desuetaque corda.'

Virg.

SIR,

'I am a tall, broad-shoulder'd, impudent, black Fellow, and, as I
thought, every way qualified for a rich Widow: But, after having tried
my Fortune for above three Years together, I have not been able to get
one single Relict in the Mind. My first Attacks were generally
successful, but always broke off as soon as they came to the Word
_Settlement_. Though I have not improved my Fortune this way, I have
my Experience, and have learnt several Secrets which may be of use to
those unhappy Gentlemen, who are commonly distinguished by the Name of
Widow-hunters, and who do not know that this Tribe of Women are,
generally speaking, as much upon the Catch as themselves. I shall here
communicate to you the Mysteries of a certain Female Cabal of this
Order, who call themselves the _Widow-Club_. This Club consists of
nine experienced Dames, who take their Places once a Week round a
large oval Table.

I. Mrs. President is a Person who has disposed of six Husbands, and is
now determined to take a seventh; being of Opinion that there is as
much Vertue in the Touch of a seventh Husband as of a seventh Son. Her
Comrades are as follow.

II. Mrs. _Snapp_, who has four Jointures, by four different
Bed-fellows, of four different Shires. She is at present upon the
Point of Marriage with a _Middlesex_ Man, and is said to have an
Ambition of extending her Possessions through all the Counties in
_England_ on this Side the _Trent_.

III. Mrs. _Medlar_, who after two Husbands and a Gallant, is now
wedded to an old Gentleman of Sixty. Upon her making her Report to the
Club after a Weeks Cohabitation, she is still allowed to sit as a
Widow, and accordingly takes her Place at the Board.

IV. The Widow _Quick_, married within a Fortnight after the Death of
her last Husband. Her _Weeds_ have served her thrice, and are still as
good as new.

V. Lady _Catherine Swallow_. She was a Widow at Eighteen, and has
since buried a second Husband and two Coachmen.

VI. The Lady _Waddle_. She was married in the 15th Year of her Age to
Sir _Simon Waddle_, Knight, aged Threescore and Twelve, by whom she
had Twinns nine Months after his Decease. In the 55th Year of her Age
she was married to _James Spindle_, Esq.; a Youth of One and Twenty,
who did not out-live the Honey-Moon.

VII. _Deborah Conquest_. The Case of this Lady is something
particular. She is the Relict of _Sir Sampson Conquest_, some time
Justice of the _Quorum_. Sir _Sampson_ was seven Foot high, and two
Foot in Breadth from the Tip of one Shoulder to the other. He had
married three Wives, who all of them died in Child-bed. This terrified
the whole Sex, who none of them durst venture on Sir _Sampson_. At
length Mrs. _Deborah_ undertook him, and gave so good an Account of
him, that in three Years time she very fairly laid him out, and
measured his Length upon the Ground. This Exploit has gained her so
great a Reputation in the Club, that they have added Sir _Sampson's_
three Victories to hers, and give her the Merit of a fourth Widowhood;
and she takes her Place accordingly.

'VIII. The Widow _Wildfire_, Relict of Mr. _John Wildfire_,
Fox-hunter, who broke his Neck over a six Bar Gate. She took his Death
so much to Heart, that it was thought it would have put an End to her
Life, had she not diverted her Sorrows by receiving the Addresses of a
Gentleman in the Neighbourhood, who made Love to her in the second
Month of her Widowhood. This Gentleman was discarded in a Fortnight
for the sake of a young _Templar_, who had the Possession of her for
six Weeks after, till he was beaten out by a broken Officer, who
likewise gave up his Place to a Gentleman at Court. The Courtier was
as short-liv'd a Favourite as his Predecessors, but had the Pleasure
to see himself succeeded by a long Series of Lovers, who followed the
Widow _Wildfire_ to the 37th Year of her Age, at which time there
ensued a Cessation of ten Years, when _John Felt_, Haberdasher, took
it in his Head to be in love with her, and it is thought will very
suddenly carry her off.

'IX. The last is pretty Mrs. _Runnet_, who broke her first Husband's
Heart before she was Sixteen, at which Time she was entred of the
Club, but soon after left it, upon Account of a Second, whom she made
so quick a Dispatch of, that she returned to her Seat in less than a
Twelvemonth. This young Matron is looked upon as the most rising
Member of the Society, and will probably be in the President's Chair
before she dies.

'These Ladies, upon their first Institution, resolved to give the
Pictures of their deceased Husbands to the Club-Room, but two of them
bringing in their Dead at full Length, they cover'd all the Walls;
Upon which they came to a second Resolution, that every Matron should
give her own Picture, and set it round with her Husbands in Miniature.

As they have most of them the Misfortune to be troubled with the
Cholick, they have a noble Celler of Cordials and strong Waters. When
they grow Maudlin, they are very apt to commemorate their former
Partners with a Tear. But ask them which of their Husbands they
Condole, they are not able to tell you, and discover plainly that they
do not Weep so much for the Loss of a Husband, as for the want of One.

'The principal Rule, by which the whole Society are to govern
themselves is this, To cry up the Pleasures of a single Life upon all
Occasions, in order to deter the rest of their Sex from Marriage, and
engross the whole Male World to themselves.

'They are obliged, when any one makes Love to a Member of the Society,
to communicate his Name, at which Time the whole Assembly sit upon his
Reputation, Person, Fortune, and good Humour; and if they find him
qualified for a Sister of the Club, they lay their Heads together how
to make him sure. By this Means they are acquainted with all the
Widow-hunters about Town, who often afford them great Diversion. There
is an honest _Irish_ Gentleman, it seems, who knows nothing of this
Society, but at different times has made Love to the whole Club.

Their Conversation often turns upon their former Husbands, and it is
very diverting to hear them relate their several Arts and Stratagems,
with which they amused the Jealous, pacified the Chokrick, or wheedled
the Good-natured Man, till at last, to use the Club Phrase, _They sent
him out of the House with his Heels foremost_.

The Politicks, which are most cultivated by this Society of
She-_Machiavils_, relate chiefly to these two Points: How to treat a
Lover, and How to manage a Husband. As for the first Set of Artifices,
they are too numerous to come within the Compass of your Paper, and
shall therefore be reserved for a Second Letter.

The Management of a Husband is built upon the following Doctrines,
which are Universally assented to by the whole Club. Not to give him
his Head at first. Not to allow him too great Freedoms and
Familiarities. Not to be treated by him like a raw Girl, but as a
Woman that knows the World. Not to Lessen anything of her former
Figure. To celebrate the Generosity, or any other Vertue, of a
deceased Husband, which she would recommend to his Successor. To turn
away all his old Friends and Servants, that she may have the Dear Man
to her self. To make him disinherit the undutiful Children of any
former Wife. Never to be thoroughly convinced of his Affection, till
he has made over to her all his Goods and Chattels.

'After so long a Letter, I am, without more Ceremony,
_Your Humble Servant, &c._

* * * * *

No. 562. Friday, July 2, 1714. Addison.

'--Præsens, absens ut sies.'

Ter.

_It is a hard and nice Subject for a Man to speak of himself, says Cowley; [1] it grates his own Heart to say anything of Disparagement, and the Reader's Ears to hear any thing of Praise from him._ Let the Tenour of his Discourse be what it will upon this Subject, it generally proceeds from _Vanity_. An ostentatious Man will rather relate a Blunder or an Absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear Person.

Some very great Writers have been guilty of this Fault. It is observed of _Tully_ in particular, that his Works run very much in the First Person, and that he takes all Occasions of doing himself Justice.

'Does he think, says _Brutus_, that his Consulship deserves more
Applause than my putting _Cæsar_ to Death, because I am not
perpetually talking of the Ides of _March_, as he is of the Nones of
_December_?'

I need not acquaint my learned Reader, that in the Ides of _March, Brutus_ destroyed _Cæsar_, and that _Cicero_ quashed the Conspiracy of _Cataline_ in the Calends of _December_. How shocking soever this great Man's talking of himself might have been to his Contemporaries, I must confess I am never better pleased than when he is on this Subject. Such Openings of the Heart give a Man a thorough Insight into his Personal Character, and illustrate several Passages in the History of his Life: Besides that, there is some little Pleasure in discovering the Infirmity of a great Man, and seeing how the Opinion he has of himself agrees with what the World entertains of him.

The Gentlemen of _Port-Royal_, who were more eminent for their Learning and their Humility than any other in _France_, banish'd the way of speaking in the First Person out of all their Works, as arising from Vain-Glory and Self-Conceit. To shew their particular Aversion to it, they branded this Form of Writing with the Name of an _Egotism_; a Figure not to be found among the ancient Rhetoricians.

The most violent Egotism which I have met with in the Course of my Reading, is that of Cardinal _Wolsey, Ego et Rex meus, I and my King_; as perhaps the most eminent Egotist that ever appeared in the World, was _Montagne_ the Author of the celebrated Essays. This lively old _Gascon_ has woven all his bodily Infirmities into his Works, and after having spoken of the Faults or Virtues of any other Man, immediately publishes to the World how it stands with himself in that Particular. Had he kept his own Counsel he might have passed for a much better Man, though perhaps he would not have been so diverting an Author. The Title of an Essay promises perhaps a Discourse upon _Virgil_ or _Julius Cæsar_; but when you look into it, you are sure to meet with more upon Monsieur _Montagne_, than of either of them. The younger _Scaliger_, who seems to have been no great Friend to this Author, after having acquainted the World that his Father sold Herrings, adds these Words; _La grande fadaise de Montague, qui a escrit, qu'il aimoit mieux le vin blanc--que diable a-t-on a faire de scavoir ce qu'il aime? For my Part, says Montague, I am a great Lover of your White Wines--What the Devil signifies it to the Publick, says Scaliger, whether he is a Lover of White Wines or of Red Wines?_

I cannot here forbear mentioning a Tribe of Egotists for whom I have always had a mortal Aversion, I mean the Authors of Memoirs, who are never mentioned in any Works but their own, and who raise all their Productions out of this single Figure of Speech.

Most of our modern Prefaces savour very strongly of the Egotism. Every insignificant Author fancies it of Importance to the World, to know that he writ his Book in the Country, that he did it to pass away some of his idle Hours, that it was published at the Importunity of Friends, or that his natural Temper, Studies or Conversations, directed him to the Choice of his Subject.

'--Id populus curat scilicet.'

Such Informations cannot but be highly improving to the Reader.

In Works of Humour, especially when a Man writes under a fictitious Personage, the talking of one's self may give some Diversion to the Publick; but I would advise every other Writer never to speak of himself, unless there be something very considerable in his Character: Tho' I am sensible this Rule will be of little Use in the World, because there is no Man who fancies his Thoughts worth publishing, that does not look upon himself as a considerable Person.

I shall close this Paper with a Remark upon such as are Egotists in Conversation: These are generally the vain or shallow part of Mankind, People being naturally full of themselves when they have nothing else in them. There is one kind of Egotists which is very common in the World, tho' I do not remember that any Writer has taken Notice of them; I mean those empty conceited Fellows, who repeat as Sayings of their own, or some of their particular Friends, several Jests which were made before they were born, and which every one who has conversed in the World has heard a hundred times over. A forward young Fellow of my Acquaintance was very guilty of this Absurdity: He would be always laying a new Scene for some old Piece of Wit, and telling us, That as he and _Jack_ such-a-one were together, one or t'other of them had such a Conceit on such an Occasion; upon which he would laugh very heartily, and wonder the Company did not join with him. When his Mirth was over, I have often reprehended him out of _Terence, Tuumne, obsecro te, hoc dictum erat? vetus credidi_. But finding him still incorrigible, and having a Kindness for the young Coxcomb, who was otherwise a good-natured Fellow, I recommended to his Perusal the _Oxford_ and _Cambridge_ Jests, with several little Pieces of Pleasantry of the same Nature. Upon the reading of them, he was under no small Confusion to find that all his Jokes had passed through several Editions, and that what he thought was a new Conceit, and had appropriated to his own Use, had appeared in Print before he or his ingenious Friends were ever heard of. This had so good an Effect upon him, that he is content at present to pass for a Man of plain Sense in his ordinary Conversation, and is never facetious but when he knows his Company.

[Footnote 1: Essay 2.]

* * * * *

No. 563. Monday, July 5, 1714.

'--Magni nominis Umbra--'

Lucan.

I shall entertain my Reader with two very curious Letters. The first of them comes from a chimerical Person, who I believe never writ to any Body before.

SIR,

'I am descended from the Ancient Family of the _Blanks_, a Name well
known among all Men of Business. It is always read in those little
white Spaces of Writing which want to be filled up, and which for that
Reason are called _blank_ Spaces, as of right appertaining to our
Family: For I consider my self as the Lord of a Mannor, who lays his
Claim to all Wastes or Spots of Ground that are unappropriated. I am a
near Kinsman to _John a Styles_ and _John a Nokes_; and they, I am
told, came in with the Conquerour. I am mentioned oftner in both
Houses of Parliament than any other Person in Great Britain. My Name
is written, or more properly speaking, not written, thus, .
I am one that can turn my Hand to every thing, and appear under any
Shape whatsoever. I can make my self Man, Woman, or Child. I am
sometimes metamorphosed into a Year of our Lord, a Day of the Month,
or an Hour of the Day. I very often represent a Sum of Mony, and am
generally the first Subsidy that is granted to the Crown. I have now
and then supplied the Place of several Thousands of Land Soldiers, and
have as frequently been employed in the Sea Service.

'Now, Sir, my Complaint is this, that I am only made use of to serve a
Turn, being always discarded as soon as a proper Person is found out
to fill up my Place.

'If you have ever been in the Play-house before the Curtain rises, you
see most of the Front Boxes filled with Men of my Family, who
forthwith turn out and resign their Stations upon the Appearance of
those for whom they are retained.

'But the most illustrious Branch of the _Blanks_ are those who are
planted in high Posts, till such time as Persons of greater
Consequence can be found out to supply them. One of these _Blanks_ is
equally qualified for all Offices; he can serve in time of Need for a
Soldier, a Politician, a Lawyer, or what you please. I have known in
my Time many a Brother _Blank_ that has been born under a lucky
Planet, heap up great Riches, and swell into a Man of Figure and
Importance, before the Grandees of his Party could agree among
themselves which of them should step into his Place. Nay, I have known
a _Blank_ continue so long in one of these vacant Posts, (for such it
is to be reckoned all the Time a _Blank_ is in it) that he has grown
too formidable and dangerous to be removed.

'But to return to my self, since I am so very commodious a Person, and
so very necessary in all well-regulated Governments, I desire you will
take my Case into Consideration, that I may be no longer made a Tool
of, and only employed to stop a Gap. Such Usage, without a Pun, makes
me look very blank. For all which Reasons I humbly recommend my self
to your Protection, and am _Your most obedient Servant_,

'Blank.

'P.S. I herewith send you a Paper, drawn up by a Country Attorney
employed by two Gentlemen, whose Names he was not acquainted with, and
who did not think fit to let him into the Secret which they were
transacting. I heard him call it a Blank Instrument, and read it after
the following Manner. You may see by this single Instance of what Use
I am to the busy World.

'_I_ T. Blank, _Esq., of_ Blank _Town, in the County of_ Blank, _do
own my self indebted in the Sum of_ Blank, _to Goodman_ Blank, _for
the Service he did me in procuring for me the Goods following,_
Blank: _And I do hereby promise the said_ Blank _to pay unto him the
said Sum of_ Blank, _on the_ Blank _Day of the Month of_ Blank _next
ensuing, under the Penalty and Forfeiture of_ Blank.

I shall take Time to consider the Case of this my imaginary Correspondent, and in the mean while shall present my Reader with a Letter which seems to come from a Person that is made up of Flesh and Blood.

_Good Mr._ SPECTATOR,

'I am married to a very honest Gentleman that is exceedingly
good-natured, and at the same time very cholerick. There is no
standing before him when he is in a Passion; but as soon as it is over
he is the best-humour'd Creature in the World. When he is angry, he
breaks all my China-Ware that chances to lie in his Way, and the next
Morning sends me in twice as much as he broke the Day before. I may
positively say, that he has broke me a Child's Fortune since we were
first marry'd together.

'As soon as he begins to fret, down goes every thing that is within
Reach of his Cane. I once prevailed upon him never to carry a Stick in
his Hand, but this saved me nothing; for upon seeing me do something
that did not please him, he kicked down a great Jarr, that cost him
above Ten Pound but the Week before. I then laid the Fragments
together in a Heap, and gave him his Cane again, desiring him that if
he chanced to be in Anger, he would spend his Passion upon the China
that was broke to his Hand: But the very next Day upon my giving a
wrong Message to one of the Servants, he flew into such a Rage, that
he swept down a Dozen Tea-Dishes, which, to my Misfortune, stood very
convenient for a Side-Blow.

I then removed all my China into a Room which he never frequents; but
I got nothing by this neither, for my Looking-Glasses immediately went
to Rack.

'In short, Sir, whenever he is in a Passion he is angry at every thing
that is brittle; and if on such Occasions he had nothing to vent his
Rage upon, I do not know whether my Bones would be in Safety. Let me
beg of you, Sir, to let me know whether there be any Cure for this
unaccountable Distemper; or if not, that you will be pleased to
publish this Letter: For my Husband having a great Veneration for your
Writings, will by that means know you do not approve of his Conduct. I
am,

Your most humble Servant, &c.

* * * * *

No. 564. Wednesday, July 7, 1714.

'--Adsit
Regula, peccatis quæ poenas irroget æquas:
Ne Scutica dignum horribili sectere flagello.'

Hor.

It is the Work of a Philosopher to be every Day subduing his Passions, and laying aside his Prejudices. I endeavour at least to look upon Men and their Actions only as an impartial Spectator, without any regard to them as they happen to advance or cross my own private Interest. But while I am thus employed my self, I cannot help observing, how those about me suffer themselves to be blinded by Prejudice and Inclination, how readily they pronounce on every Man's Character, which they can give in two Words, and make him either good for nothing, or qualified for every thing. On the contrary, those who search thoroughly into humane Nature, will find it much more difficult to determine the Value of their Fellow-Creatures, and that Mens Characters are not thus to be given in general Words. There is indeed no such thing as a Person entirely good or bad; Virtue and Vice are blended and mixed together, in a greater or less Proportion, in every one; and if you would search for some particular good Quality in its most eminent Degree of Perfection, you will often find it in a Mind, where it is darkned and eclipsed by an hundred other irregular Passions.

Men have either no Character at all, says a celebrated Author, or it is that of being inconsistent with themselves. They find it easier to join Extremities, than to be uniform and of a Piece. This is finely illustrated in _Xenophon's_ Life of _Cyrus_ the Great. That Author tells us, that _Cyrus_ having taken a most beautiful Lady named _Panthea_, the Wife of _Abradatas_, committed her to the Custody of _Araspas_, a young _Persian_ Nobleman, who had a little before maintain'd in Discourse, that a Mind truly virtuous was incapable of entertaining an unlawful Passion. The young Gentleman had not long been in Possession of his fair Captive, when a Complaint was made to _Cyrus_, that he not only sollicited the Lady _Panthea_ to receive him in the Room of her absent Husband, but that finding his Entreaties had no Effect, he was preparing to make use of Force. _Cyrus_, who loved the young Man, immediately sent for him, and in a gentle Manner representing to him his Fault, and putting him in Mind of his former Assertion, the unhappy Youth, confounded with a quick Sense of his Guilt and Shame, burst out into a Flood of Tears, and spoke as follows.

_Oh_ Cyrus, _I am convinced that I hare two Souls. Love has taught me this Piece of Philosophy. If I had but one Soul, it could not at the same time pant after Virtue and Vice, wish and abhor the same thing. It is certain therefore we have two Souls: When the good Soul rules, I undertake noble and virtuous Actions; but when the bad Soul predominates, I am forced to do Evil. All I can say at present is, that I find my good Soul, encouraged by your Presence, has got the Better of my bad_.

I know not whether my Readers will allow of this Piece of Philosophy; but if they will not, they must confess we meet with as different Passions in one and the same Soul, as can be supposed in two. We can hardly read the Life of a great Man who lived in former Ages, or converse with any who is eminent among our Contemporaries, that is not an Instance of what I am saying.

But as I have hitherto only argued against the Partiality and Injustice of giving our Judgment upon Men in gross, who are such a Composition of Virtues and Vices, of Good and Evil; I might carry this Reflection still farther, and make it extend to most of their Actions. If on the one Hand, we fairly weighed every Circumstance, we should frequently find them obliged to do that Action we at first sight condemn, in order to avoid another we should have been much more displeased with. If on the other Hand we nicely examined such Actions as appear most dazzling to the Eye, we should find most of them either deficient and lame in several Parts, produced by a bad Ambition, or directed to an ill End. The very same Action may sometimes be so oddly circumstanced, that it is difficult to determine whether it ought to be rewarded or punish'd. Those who compiled the Laws of _England_ were so sensible of this, that they have laid it down as one of their first Maxims, _It is better suffering a Mischief than an Inconvenience_; which is as much as to say in other Words, That since no Law can take in or provide for all Cases, it is better private Men should have some Injustice done them, than that a public Grievance should not be redressed. This is usually pleaded in Defence of all those Hardships which fall on particular Persons in particular Occasions, which could not be foreseen when a Law was made. To remedy this however as much as possible, the Court of Chancery was erected, which frequently mitigates and breaks the Teeth of the Common Law, in Cases of Men's Properties, while in Criminal Cases there is a Power of pardoning still lodged in the Crown.

Notwithstanding this, it is perhaps impossible in a large Government to distribute Rewards and Punishments strictly proportioned to the Merits of every Action. The _Spartan_ Commonwealth was indeed wonderfully exact in this Particular; and I do not remember in all my Reading to have met with so nice an Example of Justice as that recorded by _Plutarch_, with which I shall close my Paper for this Day.

The City of _Sparta_ being unexpectedly attacked by a powerful Army of _Thebans_, was in very great Danger of falling into the Hands of their Enemies. The Citizens suddenly gathering themselves into a Body, fought with a Resolution equal to the Necessity of their Affairs, yet no one so remarkably distinguished himself on this Occasion, to the Amazement of both Armies, as _Isadas_ the Son of _Phoebidas_, who was at that time in the Bloom of his Youth, and very remarkable for the Comeliness of his Person. He was coming out of the Bath when the Alarm was given, so that he had not time to put on his Cloaths, much less his Armour; however transported with a Desire to serve his Country in so great an Exigency, snatching up a Spear in one Hand, and a Sword in the other, he flung himself into the thickest Ranks of his Enemies. Nothing could withstand his Fury: in what Part soever he fought he put the Enemies to Flight without receiving a single Wound. Whether, says _Plutarch_, he was the particular Care of some God, who rewarded his Valour that Day with an extraordinary Protection, or, that his Enemies, struck with the Unusualness of his Dress, and Beauty of his Shape, supposed him something more than Man, I shall not determine.

The Gallantry of this Action was judged so great by the _Spartans_, that the _Ephori_, or chief Magistrates, decreed he should be presented with a Garland; but as soon as they had done so, fined him a thousand Drachmas for going out to the Battle unarmed.

* * * * *

No. 565. Friday, July 9, 1714. Addison.

'--Deum namque ire per omnes
Terrasque, tractusque maris, coelumque profundum.'

Virg.

I was Yesterday about Sun-set walking in the open Fields, 'till the Night insensibly fell upon me. I at first amused my self with all the Richness and Variety of Colours, which appeared in the Western Parts of Heaven: In Proportion as they faded away and went out, several Stars and Planets appeared one after another 'till the whole Firmament was in a Glow. The Blewness of the _Æther_ was exceedingly heightened and enlivened by the Season of the Year, and by the Rays of all those Luminaries that passed through it. The _Galaxy_ appeared in its most beautiful White. To compleat the Scene, the full Moon rose at length in that clouded Majesty, which _Milton_ takes Notice of, and opened to the Eye a new Picture of Nature, which was more finely shaded, and disposed among softer Lights than that which the Sun had before discovered to us.

As I was surveying the Moon walking in her Brightness and taking her Progress among the Constellations, a Thought rose in me which I believe very often perplexes and disturbs Men of serious and contemplative Natures. _David_ himself fell into it in that Reflection,

_When I consider the Heavens the Work of thy Fingers, the Moon and the
Stars which thou hast ordained; what is man that thou art mindful of
him, and the son of man that thou regardest him!_

In the same manner when I considered that infinite Host of Stars, or, to speak more Philosophically, of Suns, which were then shining upon me, with those innumerable Sets of Planets or Worlds, which were moving round their respective Suns; When I still enlarged the Idea, and supposed another Heaven of Suns and Worlds rising still above this which we discovered, and these still enlightened by a superior Firmament of Luminaries, which are planted at so great a Distance, that they may appear to the Inhabitants of the former as the Stars do to us; In short, whilst I pursued this Thought, I could not but reflect on that little insignificant Figure which I my self bore amidst the Immensity of God's Works.

Were the Sun, which enlightens this Part of the Creation, with all the Host of Planetary Worlds, that move about him, utterly extinguished and annihilated, they would not be missed more than a grain of Sand upon the Sea-shore. The Space they possess is so exceedingly little, in Comparison of the whole, that it would scarce make a _Blank_ in the Creation. The Chasm would be imperceptible to an Eye, that could take in the whole Compass of Nature, and pass from one end of the Creation to the other, as it is possible there may be such a Sense in our selves hereafter, or in Creatures which are at present more exalted than our selves. We see many Stars by the help of Glasses, which we do not discover with our naked Eyes; and the finer our Telescopes are, the more still are our Discoveries. _Huygenius_ carries this Thought so far, that he does not think it impossible there may be Stars whose Light is not yet travelled down to us, since their first Creation. There is no Question but the Universe has certain Bounds set to it; but when we consider that it is the Work of infinite Power, prompted by infinite Goodness, with an infinite Space to exert it self in, how can our Imagination set any Bounds to it?

To return therefore to my first Thought, I could not but look upon myself with secret Horrour, as a Being that was not worth the smallest Regard of one who had so great a Work under his Care and Superintendency. I was afraid of being overlooked amidst the Immensity of Nature, and lost among that infinite Variety of Creatures, which in all Probability swarm through all these immeasurable Regions of Matter.

In order to recover my self from this mortifying Thought, I considered that it took its Rise from those narrow Conceptions, which we are apt to entertain of the Divine Nature. We our selves cannot attend to many different Objects at the same Time. If we are careful to inspect some Things, we must of Course neglect others. This Imperfection which we observe in our selves, is an Imperfection that cleaves in some Degree to Creatures of the highest Capacities, as they are Creatures, that is, Beings of finite and limited Natures. The Presence of every created Being is confined to a certain Measure of Space, and consequently his Observation is stinted to a certain number of Objects. The Sphere in which we move, and act, and understand, is of a wider Circumference to one Creature than another, according as we rise one above another in the Scale of Existence. But the widest of these our Spheres has its Circumference. When therefore we reflect on the Divine Nature, we are so used and accustomed to this Imperfection in our selves, that we cannot forbear in some measure ascribing it to him in whom there is no shadow of Imperfection. Our Reason indeed assures us that his Attributes are Infinite, but the Poorness of our Conceptions is such, that it cannot forbear setting Bounds to every Thing it contemplates, till our Reason comes again to our Succour, and throws down all those little Prejudices which rise in us unawares, and are natural to the Mind of Man.

We shall therefore utterly extinguish this melancholy Thought, of our being overlooked by our Maker in the Multiplicity of his Works, and the Infinity of those Objects among which he seems to be incessantly employed, if we consider, in the first Place, that he is Omnipresent; and, in the second, that he is Omniscient.

If we consider him in his Omnipresence: His Being passes through, actuates, and supports the whole Frame of Nature. His Creation, and every Part of it, is full of him. There is nothing he has made, that is either so distant, so little, or so inconsiderable, which he does not essentially inhabit. His Substance is within the Substance of every Being, whether material, or immaterial, and as intimately present to it as that Being is to it self. It would be an Imperfection in him, were he able to remove out of one Place into another, or to withdraw himself from any Thing he has created, or from any Part of that Space which is diffused and spread abroad to Infinity. In short, to speak of him in the Language of the old Philosopher, he is a Being whose Centre is every where, and his Circumference no where.

In the second Place, he is Omniscient as well as Omnipresent. His Omniscience indeed necessarily and naturally flows from his Omnipresence; he cannot but be conscious of every Motion that arises in the whole material World, which he thus essentially pervades, and of every Thought that is stirring in the intellectual World, to every Part of which he is thus intimately united. Several Moralists have considered the Creation as the Temple of God, which he has built with his own Hands, and which is filled with his Presence. Others have considered infinite Space as the Receptacle, or rather the Habitation of the Almighty: But the noblest and most exalted Way of considering this infinite Space is that of Sir _Isaac Newton_, who calls it the _Sensorium_ of the Godhead. Brutes and Men have their _Sensoriola_, or little _Sensoriums_, by which they apprehend the Presence and perceive the Actions of a few Objects, that lie contiguous to them. Their Knowledge and Observation turns within a very narrow Circle. But as God Almighty cannot but perceive and know every Thing in which he resides, Infinite Space gives Room to Infinite Knowledge, and is, as it were, an Organ to Omniscience.

Were the Soul separate from the Body, and with one Glance of Thought should start beyond the Bounds of the Creation, should it for Millions of Years continue its Progress through Infinite Space with the same Activity, it would still find it self within the Embrace of its Creator, and encompassed round with the Immensity of the Godhead. Whilst we are in the Body he is not less present with us, because he is concealed from us.

_O that I knew where I might find him!_ says _Job. Behold I go
forward, but he is not there; and backward, but I cannot perceive him.
On the left hand, where he does work, but I cannot behold him: he
hideth himself on the right hand, that I cannot see him._

In short, Reason as well as Revelation assures us, that he cannot be absent from us, notwithstanding he is undiscovered by us.

In this Consideration of God Almighty's Omnipresence and Omniscience every uncomfortable Thought vanishes. He cannot but regard every Thing that has Being, especially such of his Creatures who fear they are not regarded by him. He is privy to all their Thoughts, and to that Anxiety of Heart in particular, which is apt to trouble them on this Occasion: For, as it is impossible he should overlook any of his Creatures, so we may be confident that he regards, with an Eye of Mercy, those who endeavour to recommend themselves to his Notice, and in an unfeigned Humility of Heart think themselves unworthy that he should be mindful of them.

* * * * *

No. 566. Monday, July 12, 1714.

'Militia Species Amor est.'

Ovid.

As my Correspondents begin to grow pretty numerous, I think my self obliged to take some Notice of them, and shall therefore make this Paper a Miscellany of Letters. I have, since my reassuming the Office of SPECTATOR, received abundance of Epistles from Gentlemen of the Blade, who, I find, have been so used to Action that they know not how to lie still: They seem generally to be of Opinion, that the Fair at home ought to reward them for their Services abroad, and that, till the Cause of their Country calls them again into the Field, they have a sort of Right to Quarter themselves upon the Ladies. In Order to favour their Approaches, I am desired by some to enlarge upon the Accomplishments of their Profession, and by others to give them my Advice in the carrying on of their Attacks. But let us hear what the Gentlemen say for themselves.

Mr. SPECTATOR,

'Tho' it may look somewhat perverse amidst the Arts of Peace, to talk
too much of War, it is but Gratitude to pay the last Office to its
_Manes_, since even Peace it self is, in some Measure, obliged to it
for its Being.

'You have, in your former Papers, always recommended the Accomplished
to the Favour of the Fair; and, I hope, you will allow me to represent
some Part of a Military Life not altogether unnecessary to the forming
a Gentleman. I need not tell you that in _France_, whose Fashions we
have been formerly so fond of, almost every one derives his Pretences
to Merit from the Sword; and that a Man has scarce the Face to make
his Court to a Lady, without some Credentials from the Service to
recommend him. As the Profession is very ancient, we have Reason to
think some of the greatest Men, among the old _Romans_, derived many
of their Virtues from it, their Commanders being frequently, in other
Respects, some of the most shining Characters of the Age.

'The Army not only gives a Man Opportunities of exercising those two
great Virtues _Patience_ and _Courage_, but often produces them in
Minds where they had scarce any Footing before. I must add, that it is
one of the best Schools in the World to receive a general Notion of
Mankind in, and a certain Freedom of Behaviour, which is not so easily
acquired in any other Place. At the same Time I must own, that some
Military Airs are pretty extraordinary, and that a Man who goes into
the Army a Coxcomb will come out of it a Sort of Publick Nuisance: But
a Man of Sense, or one who before had not been sufficiently used to a
mixed Conversation, generally takes the true Turn. The Court has in
all Ages been allowed to be the Standard of Good-breeding; and I
believe there is not a juster Observation in Monsieur _Rochefoucault_,
than that

'A Man who has been bred up wholly to Business, can never get the
Air of a Courtier at Court, but will immediately catch it in the
Camp.'

The Reason of this most certainly is, that the very Essence of
Good-Breeding and Politeness consists in several Niceties, which are
so minute that they escape his Observation, and he falls short of the
Original he would copy after; but when he sees the same Things charged
and aggravated to a Fault, he no sooner endeavours to come up to the
Pattern which is set before him, than, though he stops somewhat short
of that, he naturally rests where in reality he ought. I was two or
three Days ago, mightily pleased with the Observation of an humourous
Gentleman upon one of his Friends, who was in other Respects every way
an accomplished Person, That _he wanted nothing but a Dash of the
Coxcomb in him;_ by which he understood a little of that Alertness and
Unconcern in the common Actions of Life, which is usually so visible
among Gentlemen of the Army, and which a Campaign or two would
infallibly have given him.

'You will easily guess, Sir, by this my Panegyrick upon a Military
Education, that I am my self a Soldier, and indeed I am so; I
remember, within three Years after I had been in the Army, I was
ordered into the Country a Recruiting. I had very particular Success
in this Part of the Service, and was over and above assured, at my
going away, that I might have taken a young Lady, who was the most
considerable Fortune in the County, along with me. I preferred the
Pursuit of Fame at that time to all other Considerations, and tho' I
was not absolutely bent on a Wooden Leg, resolved at least to get a
Scar or two for the good of _Europe_. I have at present as much as I
desire of this Sort of Honour, and if you could recommend me
effectually, should be well enough contented to pass the Remainder of
my Days in the Arms of some dear kind Creature, and upon a pretty
Estate in the Country: This, as I take it, would be following the
Example of _Lucius Cincinnatus_, the old _Roman_ Dictator, who at the
End of a War left the Camp to follow the Plow. I am, Sir, with all
imaginable Respect,

_Your most Obedient,
Humble Servant_,

Will. Warly.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'I am an Half-pay Officer, and am at present with a Friend in the
Country. Here is a rich Widow in the Neighbourhood, who has made Fools
of all the Fox-hunters within fifty Miles of her. She declares she
intends to marry, but has not yet been asked by the Man she could
like. She usually admits her humble Admirers to an Audience or two,
but, after she has once given them Denial will never see them more. I
am assured by a Female Relation, that I shall have fair Play at her;
but as my whole Success Depends on my first Approaches, I desire your
Advice, whether I had best _Storm_ or proceed by way of _Sap_.

_I am, SIR, Yours, &c._

'P. S. I had forgot to tell you, that I have already carried one of
her Outworks, that is, secured her Maid.

_Mr_. SPECTATOR,

'I have assisted in several Sieges in the _Low-Countries_, and being
still willing to employ my Talents, as a Soldier and Engineer, lay
down this Morning at Seven a Clock before the Door of an obstinate
Female, who had for some time refused me Admittance. I made a Lodgment
in an outer Parlour about Twelve: The Enemy retired to her
Bed-Chamber, yet I still pursued, and about two a-Clock this Afternoon
she thought fit to Capitulate. Her Demands are indeed somewhat high,
in Relation to the Settlement of her Fortune. But being in Possession
of the House, I intend to insist upon _Carte-Blanche_, and am in
hopes, by keeping off all other Pretenders for the Space of twenty
four Hours, to starve her into a Compliance. I beg your speedy Advice,
and am,

_SIR, Yours_, Peter Push.

From my Camp in _Red-Lion_ Square, Saturday_ 4, in the Afternoon.

* * * * *

No. 567. Wednesday, July 14, 1714. Addison.

'--Inceptus clamor frustratur hiantes.'

Virg.

I have received private Advice from some of my Correspondents, that if I would give my Paper a general Run, I should take care to season it with Scandal. I have indeed observed of late, that few Writings sell which are not filled with great Names and illustrious Titles. The Reader generally casts his Eye upon a new Book, and if he finds several Letters separated from one another by a Dash, he buys it up, and peruses it with great Satisfaction. An _M_ and an _h_, a _T_ and an _r_ [1], with a short Line between them, has sold many an Insipid Pamphlet. Nay I have known a whole Edition go off by vertue of two or three well written &c--'s.

A sprinkling of the Words _Faction, Frenchman, Papist, Plunderer,_ and the like significant Terms, in an Italick Character, have also a very good Effect upon the Eye of the [Purchaser; [2]] not to mention _Scribler, Lier, Rogue, Rascal, Knave,_ and _Villain_, without which it is impossible to carry on a Modern Controversie.

Our Party-writers are so sensible of the secret Vertue of an Innuendo to recommend their Productions, that of late they never mention the Q--n or P--l at length, though they speak of them with Honour, and with that Deference which is due to them from every private Person. It gives a secret Satisfaction to a Peruser of these mysterious Works, that he is able to decipher them without help, and, by the Strength of his own natural Parts, to fill up a Blank-Space, or make out a Word that has only the first or last Letter to it.

Some of our Authors indeed, when they would be more Satyrical than ordinary, omit only the Vowels of a great Man's Name, and fall most unmercifully upon all the Consonants. This way of Writing was first of all introduced by _T-m Br-wn_, of facetious Memory, who, after having gutted a proper Name of all its intermediate Vowels, used to plant it in his Works, and make as free with it as he pleased, without any Danger of the Statute.

That I may imitate these celebrated Authors, and publish a Paper which shall be more taking than ordinary, I have here drawn up a very curious Libel, in which a Reader of Penetration will find a great deal of concealed Satyr, and if he be acquainted with the present Posture of Affairs, will easily discover the Meaning of it.

'If there are _four_ Persons in the Nation who endeavour to bring all things into Confusion, and ruin their native Country, I think every honest _Engl-shm-n_ ought to be upon his Guard. That there are such, every one will agree with me, who hears me name *** with his first Friend and Favourite ***, not to mention *** nor ***. These People may cry Ch-rch, Ch-rch, as long as they please, but, to make use of a homely Proverb, The Proof of the P-dd-ng is in the eating. This I am sure of, that if a _certain Prince_ should concur with a _certain Prelate_, (and we have Monsieur Z--n's Word for it) our Posterity would be in a sweet P-ckle. Must the _British_ Nation suffer forsooth, because my Lady _Q-p-t-s_ has been disobliged? Or is it reasonable that our _English_ Fleet, which used to be the Terror of the Ocean, should lie Windbound for the sake of a--. I love to speak out and declare my Mind clearly, when I am talking for the Good of my Country. I will not make my Court to an ill Man, tho' he were a B--y or a T--t. Nay, I would not stick to call so wretched a Politician, a Traitor, an Enemy to his Country, and a Bl-nd-rb-ss, &c., &c.

The remaining Part of this Political Treatise, which is written after the manner of the most celebrated Authors in _Great Britain_, I may communicate to the Publick at a more convenient Season. In the mean while I shall leave this with my curious Reader, as some ingenious Writers do their Enigmas, and if any sagacious Person can fairly unriddle it, I will print his Explanation, and, if he pleases, acquaint the World with his Name.

I hope this short Essay will convince my Readers, it is not for want of Abilities that I avoid State-tracts, and that if I would apply my Mind to it, I might in a little time be as great a Master of the Political Scratch as any the most eminent Writer of the Age. I shall only add, that in order to outshine all this Modern Race of _Syncopists_, and thoroughly content my _English_ Readers, I intend shortly to publish a SPECTATOR, that shall not have a single Vowel in it.

[Footnote 1: For 'Marlborough' and 'Treasurer.']

[Footnote 2: [Reader.]]

* * * * *

No. 568. Friday, July 16, 1714. Addison.

'--Dum recitas, incipit esse Tuus--'

Mart.