Chapter CIV: Letter CII: To Mr. M

Sept. 4, 1779.

THE _Lamb_[11] just now kindly delivered to the _Bear_[12] the _Monkey’s_[13] letter.--I am glad at heart that the forced exercise did thy hip no hurt--but that M-- of thine--I do not like such faces!--if she is half what she looks, she is too good for any place but heaven, where the hallelujahs are for ever chanting by such cherub-faced sluts as she! Thank God! she is neither daughter nor sister of mine--I should live in perpetual fear.--But why do I plague myself about her? She has a protector in you--and foul befall the being (for no man would attempt it) that wishes to injure her!--Mrs. D---- I could like so well, that I wish to know but very little of her!--strange, but true!--and when you have been disappointed in your schemes of domestic happiness, and deceived in your too hasty-formed judgements to the age of fifty, as oft as your friend, you will fully enter into any meaning.

She looks open--honest--intelligently sensible--good-natured--easy--polite and kind;--knowledge enough of the world to render her company desireable--and age just sufficient to form her opinions, and fix her principles;--add to all this an agreeable face, good teeth, and a certain _Je ne sai quoi_ (forgive the spelling, and do not betray me):--but I say again, and again--when one has formed a great opinion of either male or female, ’tis best, for that opinion’s sake, to look no further--there, rogue!

I shall take no notice of the tricking fraudulent behaviour of the driver of the stage--_as how_ he wanted to palm a bad shilling upon us--and _as how_ they stopped us in the town, and most generously insulted us--and _as how_ we took up a fat old man--his wife _fat_ too--and child;--and after keeping us half an hour in sweet converse of the--of the _blasting_ kind--how that the fat woman waxed wrath with her plump master, for his being serene--and how that he caught choler at her friction, tongue-wise;--how he ventured his head out of the coach-door, and swore liberally--whilst his ---- in direct line with poor S----n’s nose--entertained him with _sound_ and sweetest of exhalations.--I shall say nothing of being two hours almost on our journey--neither do I remark that S----n turned sick before we left G----, nor that the child p-- upon his legs:--in short, it was near nine before we got into Charles Street.

Sir, the pleasures of the day made us more than amends for the nonsense that followed.--Receipt in full.

I. SANCHO.

My best respects to Mr. Y----; and my love, yea, cordial love to Nancy:--tell her--no, if I live to see her again, I will tell her myself.

Observe, we were seven in the coach;--the breath of the old lady, in her heat of passion, was not rose-scented;--add to that, the warmth naturally arising from crowd and anger--you will not wonder at S--t--’s being sick--And he, S----, wanted to be in town rather sooner.--My compliments to George.--Mr. L---- is so kind to promise to call for this scrawl:--thank him for me, as well as for thyself.--Adieu.--Mrs. S---- pretty well, the two Fanny’s and Kitty but indifferent.

[11] A Mr. Lamb.

[12] Meaning himself.

[13] Mr. M----, to whom he often gave that title.