Chapter VIII: Part 8

The _English_ are very fond of Liberty, and are subject to nobody but their Wives. As to their Religion, it is hard to say what it is, for they take up an Opinion one Day, and throw it aside the next. I imputed this fickle Disposition to the Situation of the Country. For the _English_ live upon an Island, and being a maritime People, partake much of the Nature of the inconstant Element that surrounds them.

The _English_ are very sollicitous about the Health of every one they meet, so that a Man would take them all to be Physicians. But that common Question, _How do you do?_ I found to be only an empty Form of Speech, and a Sound without any Sense or Meaning in it. Many of these Islanders take so much Pains to improve their Minds, and polish their Understandings, that at length they intirely lose them.

Towards the North, there is a Republick consisting of seven Provinces. These go by the Name of the _United Provinces_, tho’ there is but little Sign of Concord or Unity amongst them. The People here boast of their Power, as if the whole Authority of the Republick was lodg’d in their Hands; and yet the Populace are no where more excluded from publick Employments, and the supreme Power is vested in a very few Families. The Inhabitants of these Provinces are deeply attentive upon heaping up Riches, which they make no Use of; so that while their Purses are full, their Bellies are empty. They seem to live upon Smoke only, which they suck in thro’ a Tube or Pipe, which is made of Clay. It must be allow’d, however, for the Honour of this Nation, that they are the neatest of all People, for they take great Care to wash every Thing except their Hands.

In the Cities and great Towns in _Europe_, a Watch is kept in the Street by Night. The Watchmen go their Rounds every Hour, and wake People out of their Sleep, by wishing them a good Night.

Every Country has its peculiar Laws, and its peculiar Customs likewise, which are ofttimes diametrically opposite to those Laws. For Example: A Wife, according to the Laws, ought to be subject to her Husband; but according to Custom, she has a Right to govern him.

Those who live most luxuriously, and consume the greatest Quantity of the Products of the Earth, are held in most Esteem in _Europe_; and only Husbandmen, and such as supply Materials for the Luxury of the Great, are treated with Contempt.

The great Number of Gibbets, Gallows’s, and Places of Execution, which are every where to be seen, shew the _Europeans_ to be People of very bad Dispositions, and subject to many Kinds of Vices. There is a publick Executioner in every City. The _English_ are an Exception to this Rule, amongst whom, I believe, there are no Executioners; for the People in that Country hang themselves.

One would suspect the _Europeans_ to be _Anthropophagi_, or Men-Eaters; for it is a Custom amongst them to shut up a great Number of able-body’d Men in Cloisters, which they call Monasteries, for no other End, but that they may grow sleek and fat: And whilst they are kept in these Cells, they are utterly exempted from all Labour, and have nothing to do but to eat and drink.

The _Europeans_ have a Custom of drinking Water every Morning, to moderate the Heat of their Stomachs; but before they are well grown cool by this Means, they go to work to warm them again, by swallowing down Draughts of fiery Liquors, which they call Drams.

The Religion of the _Europeans_ is divided into two principal Sects, one of which are call’d Protestants, and the other Papists. The former worship one God only; but the latter adore several, for they have as many Gods and Goddesses, as there are Towns and Villages. All these Gods and Goddesses are made by the _Roman_ Pontiff, or High-Priest. This Pontiff himself is made by Presbyters, commonly call’d Cardinals. Hence it appears how great the Power of these Cardinals must be, since they can make him who makes the Gods.

The ancient Inhabitants of _Italy_ conquer’d the whole World, and were only subject to their Wives: But the modern ones tyrannize over their Wives, and are Slaves to all Mankind besides.

The Animals in _Europe_ are divided into terrestrial and aquatick. There are some amphibious ones likewise, as Frogs, Dolphins, and _Dutchmen_. The last dwell in a marshy Soil, and live upon Land or Water indifferently.

The _Europeans_ use much the same Food that we do; But a _Spaniard_ will live upon Air.

Trade flourishes much in every Part of _Europe_, and many Commodities are sold there in which we never traffick: Thus, for Example, the _Romish_ Church sells Heaven; the _Swiss_ sell themselves; and in *** Crowns, Scepters, and the Royal Authority itself are set to Sale.

In _Spain_, Laziness is the Token of a Gentleman, and nothing is a greater Recommendation of Nobility than sleeping much. Those are call’d good Men and true Believers, who believe what they do not understand, and never think it worth their while to examine what they hear. Some have even been reckon’d Saints merely for their Slothfulness, their Want of Curiosity, and their neglecting to enquire into religious Matters. But those who are sollicitous about their own Salvation, and happen, through a diligent and accurate Enquiry, to dissent from any reigning Opinion, are said to be damn’d to all Eternity.

It is a prevailing Opinion in _Europe_, that future Happiness or Misery does not depend upon good Works, or the Exercise of Virtue and Religion, but upon the Place of a Man’s Nativity. For all agree, that if they had been born in another Place, or of other Parents, they should have been of a different Religion. Hence they in Reality condemn People not so much on Account of their Religion, as the Place, or other Circumstances of their Birth. But how this Opinion is reconcileable with the divine Justice or Goodness, I cannot comprehend.

Amongst the Men of Letters, those are most esteem’d, whose Business it is to invert the natural Order of Words, and render that obscure and perplex’d, which before was plain and easy. These are call’d Poets, and this Art of disjointing Words goes by the Name of Poetry. But Poetry does not consist in this Perversity of Stile only; because to deserve that Name, a Composition must likewise be extremely full of Lies. An ancient Poet, _Homer_ by Name, is held in high Esteem, and almost Adoration, because he excell’d in both these Arts. Many have imitated him, but nobody ever yet came up to him, either in confounding the Order of Words, or perverting the Truth.

The _Literati_ of _Europe_ are very fond of buying Books, but in this Point they do not so much regard the Matter they contain, as they do the Form and Neatness of them. The Booksellers, who are well aware of this, and know that their learned Customers had rather feast their Eyes than their Minds, are perpetually reprinting their Books in a different Size and Letter, and with new Decorations; by which Means they make an infinite Advantage. For in this Country the liberal Arts are made a Trade of, and some Authors are reckon’d as sharp and cunning as any Trader at all.

The Universities in _Europe_ are Shops, where Degrees, Promotions, Dignities, and various Kinds of Titles, and other learned Wares, are set to Sale at reasonable Rates: All which are not to be acquir’d in our Subterranean World without indefatigable Pains and Study for Years together. Those who have reach’d the Summit of all Erudition, or (in the _European_ Phrase) have got to the Top of a certain Mountain, call’d _Parnassus_, inhabited by nine Virgins, are styl’d Doctors. The next to these are Masters of Arts, who come at their Titles at somewhat a less Expence, and are therefore thought to be less learned. The Good-will which these Superterranean Schools bear to Mankind is evident, from their thus rendring the Way to Learning smooth and easy. The Northern Seminaries were a little more rigid in this Respect, since the highest Honours are not there conferr’d without a previous Examination.

The Learned are distinguish’d from the Illiterate by their Dress and Manners, but chiefly by their Religion; for the latter worship only one God, but the former pay their Devotions to several. The principal Deities of the Learned are _Apollo_, _Minerva_, the Nine Muses, and others of an inferior Rank, which Writers, and especially Poets, are wont to invoke at such Times as they fall into Raptures, or a Kind of Raving.

The Learned, according to the Diversity of their Studies, are distinguish’d into various Classes; for Instance, Philosophers, Poets, Grammarians, Naturalists, Metaphysicians, _&c._

A Philosopher is a literary Merchant, who sets to Sale Precepts concerning Self-Denial, Temperance, and Poverty, at a stated Price, and spends his Time in writing and declaiming against Riches till he grows rich himself. The Father of these Philosophers was one _Seneca_, who, by this Method, amass’d together a princely Fortune.

A Poet is a Person who acquires Renown by being thought to be out of his Senses. Hence it is usual to speak of all great Poets, as possess’d with a divine Fury or Distraction; and all who express their Thoughts with Simplicity and Perspicuity, are judg’d unworthy of the Laurel.

The Grammarians are a Sort of Militia, whose only Business is to disturb the publick Peace. They differ from the other Soldiery in this Respect, that instead of a Coat of Mail, they wear a Gown, and fight with their Pens instead of Swords. They contend as obstinately for Letters and Syllables, as the others do for their Liberties and Properties. The Reason why they are kept up, I believe, is this, that the _European_ Princes are afraid lest People in a Time of Peace should grow dull, and lose their Spirits for want of somewhat like a War. Sometimes, however, when these Differences begin to threaten Bloodshed, the Senate interposes its Authority. An Accident of this Kind happen’d not long ago at _Paris_, as I was told. For a Dispute concerning the Letters Q and K growing to a Height among the Doctors, the Senate wisely put an End to it, by allowing every one to use the Letter he lik’d best.

A Naturalist, or Natural Philosopher, is a Person who diligently enquires into the Nature of Quadrupeds, Reptiles, and Insects of all Kinds, and who is acquainted with every Thing, except himself.

A Metaphysician is one who alone knows those Things which are conceal’d from others, and who can describe and define the Essence of Spirits and of Souls, of Entities and Non-Entities; and who being very sharp-sighted in spying out Things at a Distance, overlooks such as are almost under his Nose.

Such is the State of Learning in _Europe_. I could say more upon this Head, but it is sufficient to have touch’d upon the principal Points. The Reader will easily judge from hence, whether the _Europeans_ are right or wrong, in thinking no People have any Knowledge but themselves.

It must be confess’d, however, that the Doctors and Masters in _Europe_, are much more dextrous in instructing Youth, than our Subterraneans are. For they have Masters of Arts, and of Languages, among them, who teach others not only what they have learnt themselves, but even what they are utterly unacquainted with. If it is an arduous Task, to communicate clearly to others what we know ourselves, surely it is much more so to teach them what we are intirely ignorant of.

Amongst the Men of Learning, there are some who apply themselves, with equal Diligence, both to Philosophy and Divinity. These Men, as Divines, dare not deny, what as Philosophers they very much doubt of.

The _Europeans_ apply themselves to Letters with as much Industry as we do; but they become learned in much less Time, by Means of a certain extraordinary magical Invention, by the Help whereof they can read over a hundred Volumes in a Day.

The Superterraneans are very religious, and constant at Divine Service; but their Times of Worship are not regulated by the Motions of the Heart, but by the Ringing of Bells, by Clocks, or Sun-Dials; so that this Devotion seems to be purely mechanical, and to depend upon Externals, upon Custom, or upon stated Times, rather than to flow from the Dictates of the Heart.

Their Taste for religious Duties appears from their Custom of singing Hymns or Psalms, while they are cleaving Wood, washing Dishes, or employ’d in any other manual Labour.

When I arriv’d in _Italy_, I look’d upon myself to be Lord of the whole Country, for every one I met profess’d himself my Slave. Having a Mind to try how far this Servility, which they made such a Shew of, would extend, I order’d my Landlord’s Wife to be brought to me one Night: But he immediately fell into a Passion, and commanded me to pack up my Baggage and be gone; and as I did not make haste enough, he fairly turn’d me out of Doors,

In the Northern Countries, People are very fond of Titles, though they have not the Possessions which belong to them. They are likewise extremely ambitious of the upper Hand. Moreover * * *

Thus far I patiently attended, but my Indignation was now rais’d, and I would hear no more, declaring, that these were Fictions of a partial Writer, and one who was over-run with Spleen. But when my Heat a little abated, I began to form a more favourable Judgment of this Itinerary, as I saw that the Author, though he appear’d in many Places to be partial, and not to have had the best Regard to Truth, was not, however, mistaken in his Judgment, but had often hit the Nail, as we say, on the Head.

I now determin’d with myself, to take the Advice of _Tomopoloko_, and cherish the Error of the _Quamites_ concerning my Origin; since I thought it more for my Interest to pass for an Embassador Extraordinary from the Sun, than for a Citizen of _Europe_.

Our Neighbours had now continued quiet for a long Time, and I had taken the Advantage of this wish’d for Peace, to settle the Republick to my Satisfaction. News at length arriv’d, that three very powerful Nations had enter’d into an Alliance to invade the _Quamites_. These were the _Arctonians_, the _Kispucians_, and the _Alectorians_. The _Arctonians_ were a Nation of Bears, who were endued with Speech and Reason, and were reckon’d very fierce and warlike. The _Kispucians_ were Cats of an extraordinary Size, and were in great Repute among the Subterraneans, for their Sagacity and Judgment: For this Reason they kept some very powerful Enemies in Awe, not so much by their superior Strength, as by their Artifice and Stratagems. The _Alectorians_ fought in the Air, as well as upon Land, and by that Means gave their Enemies infinite Vexation: These were Game-Cocks, arm’d with Bows and Arrows dipt in Poison, which they manag’d with wonderful Dexterity, and thereby did great Execution.

These three Nations, alarm’d at the unusual Success of the _Quamites_, enter’d into a League or Alliance, by which it was agreed to check the growing Power of the _Quamites_ with their united Force, before it spread any further. However, before they declar’d War, they sent Embassadors to _Quama_, to demand that the Liberties of the _Tanachites_ might be restor’d, and to threaten War, in case such Demands were not comply’d with.

The Embassadors deliver’d their Commission, and receiv’d the following Answer, which was given them by my Advice: That the _Tanachites_ having broken the Peace, and violated the Faith of Treaties, ought to impute the Misfortune they were fallen into, to their own Folly and Presumption; that the Emperor was resolv’d, with all his Might, to defend the Territories he had acquir’d by Right of War; and lastly, that he was not to be aw’d by the Threats of the Confederate Nations. The Heralds were dismiss’d with this Answer, and we turn’d our Thoughts towards making Preparations for the impending War. In a short Time I got together an Army of forty thousand Men, among which eight thousand Horse, and two thousand Musketeers. The Emperor, though he was grown decrepid through Age, resolv’d to be present in this Expedition, and was inflam’d with such a Thirst of Glory, that neither I myself, nor the Empress and her Children, who join’d with me in striving to overcome his Obstinacy, could divert him from his Purpose. What gave me the most Disturbance at that Time, was my Jealousy of the _Tanachites_; for I was afraid lest they should grow weary of their Servitude, and lay hold of that Occasion to shake off the Yoke, and join the Enemy. Nor was I deceiv’d in my Conjecture; for a little while after War had been proclaim’d, News was brought us, that twelve thousand _Tanachites_ had taken Arms, and were gone over to the Enemy. Hence I saw, that we should have four powerful Enemies to Struggle with at one and the same Time.

All necessary Preparations being made, the Army was commanded to begin their March towards the Enemy in the Beginning of the Month _Kilian_. As we were upon the Road, Intelligence was brought us, that the Confederate Forces had enter’d the Country of the _Tanachites_, and laid Siege to the Castle of _Sibol_, which was situated on the Borders of the _Kispucian_ Territories. The Place was attack’d with so great a Force, and with so much Violence, that the Governor was just going to surrender it. But as soon as the Enemy were inform’d of our Approach, they broke up the Siege, and march’d against us. The Battle was fought upon a Plain, not far from the Fortress which had been besieg’d, from whence it was call’d the Battle of _Sibol_. The _Arctonians_, which compos’d the Enemies left Wing, falling upon our Horse, made great Slaughter of them; and, as this Attack was supported by the Rebel _Tanachites_, it was very near proving fatal to us. But the Musketeers going in to their Assistance, and having thrown the Enemy into Disorder by two Discharges of their Artillery, the Face of the Battle was quite chang’d; so that they who but just now had borne down our Horse, and were almost Conquerors, being now borne down themselves, began to give Way, and at last to turn their Backs. In the mean Time the _Kispucians_ briskly attack’d our Foot, and shot their Arrows with so much Art, and with such Success, that six hundred _Quamites_ were, in a very little Time, either shot dead, or desperately wounded. But the Horse, together with the Musketeers, coming to their Assistance, the Enemy were oblig’d to save themselves by Flight; which they did, however, in so good Order, without once breaking their Ranks, that they might be rather said to yield than fly. This was owing to the Conduct of _Monsonius_, General of the _Kispucians_, who at that Time was thought to excel all the Subterranean Generals in the Art of War. The _Alectorians_ yet remain’d, whom it was no easy Matter to subdue; for as oft as our Musketeers fir’d upon them, the Enemy sprung up all at once into the Air, and thence discharg’d a Shower of Arrows, which were so well aim’d, that few of them fell to the Ground without doing Execution. The Reason why these Arrows seldom miss’d their Aim, was because it is easier to hit an Object when you are above, than when you are below it. Our Men often miss’d their Mark, because the Enemy were so volatile, and perpetually Shifting Places. In the Midst of the Engagement, whilst the Emperor was in the very Heat of Action, his Neck was pierc’d through with a poison’d Arrow. He fell from his Horse immediately, and was carry’d out of the Battle to his Tent, where he expir’d soon after. In this ticklish Situation of Affairs, I thought it most advisable to injoin all such as had been Witnesses of this unhappy Accident, to keep it secret, lest the Ardour of the Soldiers should abate upon hearing the Emperor was dead. I bade them take Courage, and told them, that the King indeed was stunn’d with the sudden Stroke, but that the Arrow had not enter’d deep; that the Wound had been search’d, and taken due Care of; that every Thing would go well, and that they might expect to see their Emperor again very soon. By this Means most of the Army were kept in Ignorance of what had happen’d, and the Battle was prolong’d till Night. At length the _Alectorians_ quite spent with Labour, and the Wounds they had receiv’d, retir’d into their Camp, and a Truce of a few Days Continuance was agreed upon, in order to bury the dead Bodies. In the mean Time, as I found that there was need of some other Stratagem to subdue the _Alectorians_, I order’d our Musket-Ball to be cast into small Shot. This Project was attended with so good Success, that at our next Encounter the _Alectorians_ came tumbling down apace, and one Half of the Army perish’d in a miserable Manner: Those that were left seeing this, threw down their Arms, and begg’d for Peace. The _Arctonians_ and _Kispucians_ follow’d their Example, and committed themselves, their Arms, and Fortresses to our Mercy. Matters being thus brought to a happy Issue, I call’d a Council, and address’d them in the following Harangue.

“Gentlemen and Fellow-Soldiers, I do not doubt but most of you are well acquainted, how earnestly I dissuaded our most Serene Emperor from this Expedition; but his innate Fortitude and Magnanimity would not permit him to remain idle at home, while his faithful Subjects were exposing their Lives abroad in his Defence. I can truly say, that this is the only Request which his Imperial Majesty ever refus’d to grant me. How happy should I have thought myself had he refus’d me every Thing besides, and only been indulgent to me in this! For then we should not have known that Calamity that now hangs over us, our Return into the Imperial City would have been truly triumphant, and our Joys for our Success would have been pure and unmix’d. I cannot, nor indeed ought I, any longer conceal from you that fatal Accident which has thus dash’d all our Happiness. Attend then to the dreadful News: Your Emperor, while he was gallantly fighting for his Subjects, was pierc’d by an Arrow in the Battle, and now lies breathless in his Tent. What Grief, what Anguish must not the Loss of such a Prince occasion? I can easily make a Judgment of your Sorrows from what I feel myself. But let us not give Way to Despondency: Death, to such a Hero, is not the End of Life, but only the Period of Mortality. We have not wholly lost our Emperor, since he has left two Princes behind, form’d after the Example of the best of Parents, and who inherit their Father’s Virtues, as well as his Dominions. You cannot, therefore, be so properly said to change your King, as the bare Name of King. And since the eldest Prince, _Timuso_, is by Right of Primogeniture to be promoted to his Father’s Throne, I shall henceforth derive my Authority from him. He it is to whom we ought to swear Allegiance, and to whom we will now pay Homage.”

CHAP. XIV.

_The Author is elevated to the_ Imperial
Dignity.

At the Conclusion of this Harangue, the Soldiery lifted up their Voice and cry’d, _We will have no Emperor but_ Pikilsu. I was all Astonishment at this, and with a Flood of Tears besought them to consider better, to remember the Allegiance they ow’d to the Imperial House, and the publick as well as private Benefits they had receiv’d from the departed Monarch, which it was not possible to forget, without bringing an indelible Stain upon their Character. To this I added, that if ever they had Occasion to command my Services, I could be of equal Use to them in a private Capacity. But all this signify’d nothing. The Officers and Soldiers join in the common Cry, and the whole Camp resounded with the before-mention’d Acclamation. Upon this, I retir’d to my Tent in Confusion, and order’d the Guards to give Entrance to none: Because, probably, the Soldiers might return to Reason, when this sudden Fit of Zeal should cool. But the Generals and common Soldiers burst into my Tent, and in spight of all my Reluctance, adorn’d me with the Ensigns of Royalty, and conducting me out of the Tent with Trumpets and Drums, proclaim’d me Emperor of _Quama_, King of _Tanachin_, _Arctonia_, _Alectoria_, and Great Duke of the _Kispucians_. Seeing then how vain was all Resistance, I no longer struggled with my Fortune, but follow’d the Torrent; and I must own, that I was not altogether unwilling to be rais’d to this Elevation; for an Empire, with three Kingdoms, and a Great Dutchy, was too delicious a Morsel to be ey’d with Indifference. I immediately sent to the Prince, to acquaint him with the present Situation of Affairs, and to advise him to insist strenuously upon his natural and hereditary Rights, and to declare this new Election void, as being contrary to the Laws of the Realm. But at the same Time I had resolv’d with myself not to relinquish in Haste an Empire thus spontaneously offer’d me; so that this Advice of mine to his Highness the Prince was rather to feel his Pulse upon this Occasion. The Prince had an admirable Understanding, and a very solid Judgment; and as he well knew the Doubles and Disguises of the human Heart, and that this Modesty of mine was only put on to serve a Turn, he wisely yielded to the Necessity of the Times, and after the Example of the Army, he himself proclaim’d me Emperor in the Capital City, to which I was soon after led in Triumph, attended by the Generals and Officers of the Army, in the midst of the Shouts and Acclamations of the Populace. In a few Days after this, I was solemnly crown’d, and invested with the Regal Authority. Being thus metamorphos’d from a miserable Shipwreck’d Sailor into a Monarch, that I might strengthen my Interest with the _Quamites_, who I perceiv’d had still a great Veneration for the Royal Race of _Quama_, I espous’d the Daughter of the deceas’d Emperor, whose Name was _Ralac_.

Having perform’d these great Things, I projected new Schemes, to raise the Empire to a Height that should make it formidable to the whole subterranean World. My first Care was to assure myself of the Duty and Allegiance of the lately conquer’d Nations. To this End I garison’d all their Citadels and fortify’d Places in the strongest Manner, treated the Conquer’d with the utmost Humanity, and advanc’d some of them to very great Offices in the Capital. In particular the Captive Generals, _Tomopoloko_ and _Monsonius_, had the highest Share in my Favour, a Circumstance that rais’d the Envy of the _Quamites_, tho’ they suppress’d their Dissatisfaction for the present; but in Time the Spark, which had long lain concealed under the Ashes, burst into an open Flame, as shall be related in its proper Place. To return to my domestick Affairs: The liberal Sciences, and the Art of War, I labour’d to bring to the highest Perfection: And as this Country abounded with very deep Woods, which could furnish Plenty of Timber for the building a Fleet after the Manner of the _Europeans_, I pursued this Point with such unweary’d Ardour, that tho’ in Reality I had a thousand other Affairs to perplex me, it seem’d as if my whole Thoughts were directed to this one View. The _Kispucians_ were of great Service to me in this Case; they had a tolerable Knowledge of maritime Affairs, and their General _Monsonius_ I appointed Lord High Admiral of the Fleet.

And now the Timber is felling, the Instruments for working it preparing, and with such Vehemence I apply myself to the Business, that in sixty Days from the first falling of the Wood, a Fleet of twenty Ships now rides at Anchor in the Harbour. All this corresponding exactly with my Wishes, I look’d upon myself as the _Alexander_ of the subterranean World, and that below I was the Author of as great Revolutions as he was above. The Lust of Power is infinite, and never finds the Point to stop at. Some few Years since, the Office of a Deacon, or that of a Writer, or Clerk, was the Height of my Ambition, nor did I aspire to any thing greater; and now four or five Kingdoms seem too narrow for me: So that with Respect to my Desires, which rise in Proportion to our Wealth and Power, I never found myself more indigent than now.

Having made myself acquainted, from the Accounts and Informations of the _Kispucian_ Mariners, with the Nature of the Seas, and the Situation of the Kingdoms on the Coasts, and understanding that it was very practicable with a fair Wind to make the _Mezendoric_ Shore in eight Days Sail, from whence it would be but a short Trip to _Martinia_, and that over a well-known Ocean; I say, being acquainted with all this, I made Preparation for the Voyage. Indeed, _Martinia_ was the principal Object of my Designs. I was spurr’d on by the immense Wealth of that Nation, and the Informations I should gain from a People of their Knowledge in maritime Affairs, since the Lights I might receive from them would be very useful to me in the Course of all my great Undertakings. There was also another Incentive, namely, a Thirst of Revenge, which prompted me to subdue this Nation. I took the Elder of the two Royal Princes along with me as an Associate in this Expedition, pretending that a fine Occasion offer’d itself to his Highness of exercising his Bravery and martial Virtues. But the true Meaning of this was, that I might keep him as a Hostage or Pledge of the Fidelity of the _Quamites_. The younger Prince indeed remain’d at Home, but the Regency of the Empire I committed to the Empress, who was then big with Child. The whole Fleet consisted of twenty Ships, great and small; and were all built after the _Martinian_ Model, by the Direction and Superintendency of _Monsonius_ the _Kispucian_ General, to whom the sole Management of the Navy was intrusted, and who had made Draughts and Designs of them with his own Hand. For the _Martinians_ were among the Subterraneans what the _Tyrians_ and _Sidonians_ were in antient Days, or what the _English_ and _Dutch_ are in our Times, that is, Sovereigns of the Seas. Yet, when we arriv’d at _Martinia_, I perceiv’d that in the Built of our Ships we had widely err’d from their Model.

We set sail about that Time of Year when the Planet _Nazar_ was at its mean Distance from us. Having sail’d three Days, we spy’d a large Island, the Conquest of which would be no difficult Matter, by Reason of the Feuds and Factions into which the Inhabitants were split; but (what is remarkable) as they were destitute of Arms, and were ignorant of the Use of them, they fought only with their Tongues, and gave all the hard Names, Curses, and foul Language they could invent. This was all we had to fear. The only Punishment that in this Country was inflicted upon Offenders, was that they were taken up and imprison’d, and upon full Proof of the Crime were openly brought into the Forum, there to hear themselves revil’d in the bitterest Manner. Certain People were appointed for this very Purpose, call’d _Sabuti_, that is, Revilers, and are there look’d upon in the same Light, as an Executioner amongst us. As to the Make of their Body, they differ’d only from us in one or two Circumstances, which was, that the Women had Beards and the Men none; the Feet also of them all were turn’d backwards. After we had made a Descent upon this Island, about three hundred _Canaliscans_, (so the Islanders were call’d) met us. They attack’d us in a hostile Manner with their usual Weapons, that is to say, with a Volley of Curses and hard Names. With such exquisite Malice, and in such a diabolical Spirit of Bitterness, their foul Language was conceiv’d and utter’d, (as we were inform’d by an _Alectorian_ Interpreter of the _Canaliscan_ Tongue) that they shew’d themselves perfect Masters of their Weapons, and not inferior to the Grammarians of our World. However, knowing that Rage alone was insignificant without Power, I forbid any Violence to be offer’d to them, but only to spread Terror among them. I order’d some Guns to be fir’d, which had this Effect, that they fell upon their Knees, and implor’d Mercy. Presently the several little Kings of the Island came down, and made a formal Surrender of themselves and Subjects, putting their whole Dominions under Tribute to me, making me at the same Time a Compliment, that it was no Dishonour to be subdued by him, whom it was Impiety to resist, nor any Disgrace to submit to him, whom Fortune had rais’d above all the World. Thus this Island, (the Conquest of which added something to my Power, tho’ little to my Glory, by Reason of the Effeminacy of the Inhabitants) becoming tributary to me, we hoisted Sail, and after a fair Voyage of some few Days, arriv’d at the _Mezendoric_ Coast. I then call’d a Council of War, to enquire what was best to be done, whether it were adviseable immediately to act in a hostile Manner, or to send an Embassy to the Emperor, to know if he would make a peaceable Surrender, or whether we must come to an open Rupture. The Majority were for the latter. Wherefore five Persons were commission’d for this Embassy, one of each Nation, a _Quamite_, an _Arctonian_, an _Alectorian_, a _Tanachite_, and a _Kispucian_. Being introduced into the Capital, they were ask’d by the chief Magistrate, in the Name of the Emperor, the Meaning of this unexpected Visit to the _Mezendoric_ Dominions? The Deputies reply’d, that it was not by Accident, but by Design they came there, and forthwith they produced their Credentials, and a Letter from me to the Emperor, the Tenour of which was as follows:

“_Nicolas Klimius_, Embassador of the Sun, Emperor of _Quama_, King of _Tanachin_, _Arctonia_, and _Alectoria_, Great Duke of the _Kispucians_, and Lord of _Canalisca_, to _Miklopolatu_, Emperor of _Mezendoria_, Greeting. Be it known unto thee, that by the immutable Council of Heaven, it is ordain’d, that all the Empires and Kingdoms of the World submit to the _Quamitic_ Sovereignty. And since the Decrees of Heaven are irrevocable, it is necessary your Empire should undergo the common Destiny of all. We exhort you therefore to a voluntary Surrender, and cordially admonish you not to subject your Realms to the Chance of War, by a rash Opposition to our victorious Arms. A timely Obedience may save the Effusion of innocent Blood, and mend your own Condition. Given aboard our Fleet, the 3d Day of the Month _Rimat_.”

In a few Days the Embassadors return’d with a fierce and haughty Answer. Hereupon all Prospect of Peace disappearing, we made a Descent. Having rang’d our Troops in order of Battle, we sent out Spies to explore the Condition of the Enemy. They soon return’d with News, that the Enemy’s Army was in Readiness, that it consisted of Lions, Bears, Tigers, Elephants, and Birds of Prey, to the Number of sixty Thousand. Hereupon we posted ourselves on an advantageous Piece of Ground, and waited their Coming. All things being now in Readiness, and the Signal of Battle being given, suddenly there came four Embassadors, all Foxes, from the Enemy, to renew the Negotiations, and treat of a Peace. But having spent some Days in Conferences with our Generals, they departed without coming to any Conclusion. It appear’d afterwards that these were Spies, rather than Embassadors, sent for no other End but to explore the State and Condition of out Army. They pretended indeed that they would soon return with more ample Powers: But as we quickly perceiv’d the whole Body of the Enemy marching briskly towards us, we hoisted our Colours, and marched to meet them. An obstinate Fight ensued. For tho’ our Musketeers made a furious Slaughter among them, yet the Elephants every where kept their Rank, the Hardness of their Hide being Proof against our Ball. But as soon as our heavy Artillery began to thunder upon them, and the Elephants perceiv’d the horrible Effects of it, they were seiz’d with a Panic, and left the Field. In this Battle thirty-three thousand _Mezendorians_ were slain, and twenty thousand taken Prisoners. Those who escap’d, fled to the Metropolis, a City very well fortify’d, and fill’d the Inhabitants with Terror and Consternation. We push’d our Victory, and in three Days March, came to the Capital, which we besieg’d by Sea and Land. At our Approach, we were saluted by a new Embassy, which brought much softer Terms of Peace. In this the Emperor offer’d me his Daughter in Marriage, who was esteem’d the most beautiful Lioness throughout the whole Dominions, together with Half his Empire in Dower with her. These Conditions were by no Means agreeable to me, especially with Respect to the Nuptials of his Daughter; for it seem’d to me neither safe nor honourable to divorce my Empress to marry a Lioness. Hereupon the Embassadors were dismiss’d without any Answer. Presently our great Guns began to play against the City-Walls, which tho’ compos’d of Stone, were soon torn and shatter’d in many Places. And as this City was full of Animals of all Species, it was strange to hear the Variety of Noises upon this Occasion, such as Roaring, Howling, Bellowing, Braying, Bleating and Hissing. The Serpents retir’d into the Clefts and Fissures of the Earth: The Birds hover’d in the Air, and seeing the City so fiercely assaulted, fled off to the Rocks and open Country. The Trees trembled and drop’d their Leaves all over the City. We heard that twenty Maids of Honour, (these were Roses and Lilies) upon the first Discharge of our Cannon shrunk up, and wither’d away through Fear. Such a prodigious Concourse of Animals of all Kinds, as well those of the City, as those from the Neighbourhood, miserably straiten’d each other; and that very Assistance, which was so necessary, was the Cause of Diseases and Infection. The Elephants stood the Siege better than the rest; but upon the Discharge of the great Guns, they abandon’d the Walls. Hereupon the Emperor, despairing to hold out much longer, summon’d a Council to deliberate upon the present Posture of Affairs. They were all unanimous for a Peace upon any Terms; and therefore without Delay his Imperial Highness made a formal Surrender of himself, with all his Territories. Thus in one Day my Power was increas’d by the Addition of an Empire, together with nine or ten lesser Realms or Principalities; for immediately all the petty Sovereignties follow’d the Example of the Emperor, and strove who should be foremost in their Submissions.

After such marvellous Success, having first plac’d a Garison of six hundred Musketeers in the Capital, I order’d the captive Emperor to be conducted aboard our Fleet. I treated him with the most perfect Humanity, and upon our Return some time after to _Quama_, I gave him an intire Province, the Revenues of which enabled the Royal Prisoner to live with a good Degree of Splendor.

We now set Sail from this Place, and coasted along the _Mezendoric_ Shores. In this Voyage we demanded Hostages of all the several States and Governments subject to the Emperor _Miklopolatu_, so that in a small Time the very _Mezendoric_ Name and Empire were in a manner extinguish’d. These People were for the most Part the same of which I have formerly given some Account in my Description of my Voyage from _Martinia_. Leaving therefore the _Mezendoric_ Territories, we steer’d directly for _Martinia_, which, after a prosperous, tho’ long Voyage, we happily arriv’d at. Never was the Sight of any Country so highly grateful to me as this; and when I reflected, that in Times past I had been condemn’d to the Oar in this very Place, to which I now return’d as a puissant Conqueror, I was hardly able to conceal the Transport of Joy I felt. I had at first resolv’d to declare myself, in order to spread the greater Terror among the _Martinians_: But I chang’d that Resolution, and determin’d to cherish the old Error concerning my Birth, and still to pass for an Embassador of the Sun.

I flatter’d myself, that in a short time, and with a very little Trouble, I should be able to make a compleat Conquest of the _Martinians_, whose Effeminacy I was well acquainted with. For this People have a strong Propensity to Pleasure, and are hurry’d on to all vicious Excesses, not only through a natural Bent, but from that Affluence and Abundance, which both Sea and Land conspire to indulge them in. However, I found by Experience, that I had an arduous Enterprize upon my Hands: For by means of that vast Commerce carry’d on by these People, they had amass’d such endless Riches, as enabled them to have always at their Devotion the choicest of the most warlike Troops among the neighbouring Nations, who stood ready at their Nod to fight their Battles for them. Add to this, that the _Martinians_ were eminent for their Skill in maritime Affairs beyond all the Subterraneans, and our Vessels were in Comparison of theirs extremely rude, and very slow of Motion. For it is easy to judge what sort of Ships ours must be, which were run up in Haste under the Direction and Supervision of a Bachelor of Philosophy, as also what a Censure they would undergo, were they to be submitted to the Criticism of the _Dutch_, _English_, or _Danes_. But this Defect my Artillery aton’d for; a Method of Fighting hitherto unknown to the _Martinians_.

Before I attempted any Thing in a hostile Manner, I sent an Embassy to the Senate with the same Tenders of Peace, which I had lately offer’d the Emperor of _Mezendoria_. But while we waited for an Answer, all on a Sudden we beheld a Fleet of Ships coming full Sail upon us, in order of Battle. At Sight hereof, we rang’d our Vessels in as much order on our Side, as the Hurry would permit, and immediately gave out the Signal for Engagement. The Battle was fought with equal Bravery and Ardor on both Sides. The _Martinians_ instead of Guns, made use of a Machine, which flung Stones of an enormous Size and Weight, and which grievously gall’d our Sailors. They had also Fire-ships loaded with Pitch, Brimstone, Sulphur, and other combustible Materials. These set Fire to our best Ship, and utterly consum’d it. Victory was a long Time in Suspence, and my Forces even began to deliberate whether they had best fight, or fly. But at last, the Explosion of the great Guns chang’d the Face of Things, and so sunk the Courage of the _Martinians_, that they retir’d precipitately into their Harbour. Yet we took not one of the Enemy’s Ships, because, as they were light Sailors, they could at any Time escape from us. After this Fight, we landed our Forces, and with all Speed made directly towards the Metropolis of _Martinia_. In our March we met our own Embassadors returning from the Senate, by whom they had been receiv’d in a proud and lofty Manner, and dismiss’d with much such a Message as _Neptune_ gave to the Winds.

_Maturate fugam, Regique hæc dicite vestro;
Non illi imperium Pelagi; sævumq; tridentem,
Nobis sorte datum: tenet ille immania saxa._

For the _Martinians_ claiming the Sovereignty of the Seas, receiv’d my Offers with all imaginable Disdain.

And now they levy’d a vast Body of Forces, for besides the mercenary Troops, the whole military Power of _Martinia_ took the Field upon this Occasion. We had not march’d far before we espy’d a numerous Army, compos’d of different Nations, advancing directly against us. This Confidence and Presumption of the Enemy, notwithstanding their late Defeat at Sea, occasioned a good deal of Uneasiness on our Side. But all this was but a Meteor which suddenly appears, and as suddenly vanishes: For at the very first Discharge of our Artillery, they all turn’d their Backs, and fled. We pursued the flying Foe, and made a prodigious Slaughter of them. What the Number of the Slain were, appear’d from that of the Perriwigs, which we collected after the Action, and which upon a moderate Computation amounted to the Number of five Thousand. The Make of these Perriwigs was pretty much alter’d since my Time, and I observ’d above twenty different Fashions of them; nor is that at all strange; for so ingenious a Nation would give a thousand Improvements to any Invention whatever.

After this successful Battle, or rather Carnage, we immediately set about the Siege of the Capital. But, when we had prepared every Thing for the Enterprize, and dispos’d our Cannon in proper Order, the whole Body of Senators came in a suppliant Manner to our Camp, and made a voluntary Surrender of the City, together with the whole Republick. Hereupon, Peace being declar’d, we enter’d in Triumph into this most splendid City. Upon our Entrance into the Gates, there was not that Tumult and Hurry, as is generally observable in conquer’d Towns, but a sorrowful Silence, and an universal Sadness every where prevail’d. But when we declar’d that we would not do the least Injury to the Citizens, their Sadness was chang’d into Joy. The first Thing I did, was to make a Visit to the publick Treasury. I was beyond Measure astonish’d at the immense Stores of Riches deposited there; great Part of which I distributed among my Soldiers, reserving the rest for my own Finances. I left a Garison at _Martinia_, and took several of the Senators aboard the Fleet, by way of Hostages. Among these, was my old Friend the Syndic, together with his Wife, who had falsly accused me of the Crime for which I was condemned to the Gallies. Yet I entertain’d no Thoughts of Vengeance, as thinking it beneath an Emperor of _Quama_ to resent an Injury done to a Chairman.

After this compleat Conquest of the _Martinians_, I resolv’d to reduce the several neighbouring Powers. But while I was upon the Point of executing this Design, the Embassadors of four different Realms arriv’d, and made their Submissions. I had already so many States and Kingdoms under my Dominion, that I did not so much as give myself the Trouble to enquire the Names of these four surrender’d Territories, but was contented to comprehend them under the general Name of the _Martinian_ Provinces.

CHAP. XV.

_The_ +Catastrophe+.

Having perform’d such an amazing Series of Exploits, and our Fleet being considerably augmented, by the Addition of the _Martinian_ Ships, we now hoisted Sail, and return’d to _Quama_, where, upon our Arrival, we triumph’d with more than _Roman_ Magnificence. And, in good Truth, the noble Deeds we had atchiev’d, deserv’d the highest Pomp of Festivals and publick Rejoicings. For what can be conceiv’d more heroic, than to transform a Nation the most abject, and the most expos’d to the Insults of their Neighbours, into the Lords and Sovereigns of the whole Subterranean Globe? What can be conceiv’d more glorious, or more for my Honour, as a Man, whose Fate it happen’d to be to live among so many heterogeneous Creatures, what, I say, could redound more to my Glory, than to have asserted that Dominion which Nature gave Mankind over the Animal Creation? A Description of the Splendor of this Triumph, the Crowds, and the Applauses of Men of all Ranks and Ages, would of itself make a regular Volume, and therefore I shall not attempt it in this short Account. I shall only observe, that from this Time a new Æra appears in History, and there may now be reckon’d five Monarchies, namely, the _Assyrian_, the _Persian_, the _Grecian_, the _Roman_, and the _Quamitic_, the last of which seems to surpass the rest in Power and Grandeur. And accordingly I accepted the Title of _Koblu_, or +Great+, which was offer’d me, as well by the _Quamites_, as by the other vanquish’d Nations. There is, I confess, something excessively vain and arrogant in the Name +Great+: But yet, when you compare me with the _Cyrus’s_, the _Alexanders_, the _Pompeys_, and the _Cæsars_, the Title then seems perfectly humble and modest. _Alexander_ indeed enslav’d the _East_, but with what Forces? with hardy veteran Troops inur’d to War; for such were the _Macedonians_ in the Time of his Father _Philip_. But I, in a shorter Space of Time, subdued far more and fiercer Nations than the _Persians_, and that by the Help only of a rude and barbarous People, whom I myself had form’d and instructed. The Titles I now us’d were these; _Nicolas the Great_, _Emperor of Quama and Mezendoria_, _King of Tanachin_, _Alectoria and Arctouia_, _Great Duke of Kispucia_, _Lord of Martinia and Canalisca_, &c. &c.

_Ingens jam stabat Regnum, poteramque videri
Exilio felix: sed scilicet ultima semper
Expectanda dies homini, dicique beatus
Ante obitum nemo supremaque funera debet._

Being thus lifted up to a Point of Power and Success, beyond even the Wishes of a mortal Man, the same Thing happen’d to me, as to almost all those who rise to Greatness from a sordid Original. For unmindful of my former State, I grew intolerably vain and haughty, and instead of all those winning Ways, which artful Princes use to procure the popular Esteem, I became a hot and cruel Persecutor of all Orders of Men, despising as very Slaves those Subjects, whom before I had courted to my Interest with all imaginable Affability, insomuch, that none had Access to my Person, without a Ceremony, almost like that of Adoration, and when they were admitted, were receiv’d with a most disdainful Air: All which alienated the Minds of the People from me, and chang’d their Love into Coldness and Terror. This Disposition of my Subjects I soon experienced, and particularly upon the following Occasion. The Empress, my Spouse, whom I had left big with Child, was in my Absence brought to Bed of a young Prince. Intending to acknowledge this Prince for my Successor, I assembled the several States of my Empire, as, well those of the conquer’d Kingdoms, as those of _Quama_, to the solemn Inauguration of the Infant. As none dar’d disobey my Orders, the Ceremony was perform’d with all possible Pomp and Grandeur. But it was easy to perceive in the Visages of my Subjects, that all the Joy upon this Occasion was forc’d, unnatural, and mix’d with hidden Discontent. What help’d to confirm my Jealousy, was, that at this Time certain Libels or Pasquinades, written by anonymous Authors, were handed about, in which the Injury done to Prince _Timuso_ by this Inauguration, was set forth with much Satyr and Acrimony. This created such Disorders in my Spirits, that I could take no Rest till I had got rid of that best of Princes. However, I thought it by no means adviseable to dispatch this illustrious Rival in an arbitrary Manner, and therefore I suborn’d certain Witnesses to accuse him of High Treason. As Sovereigns never want for Ministers of Darkness to serve their criminal Purposes, I quickly found out proper Persons to swear that the Prince was projecting a Revolution, and had a Design against my Life. Upon this he was thrown into Prison, and condemn’d by his Judges, the Majority of whom I had corrupted. However, he was executed privately, for fear of raising Disturbances.

As to the second Prince, because he was very young, I defer’d sacrificing him to my Repose yet a while; so that the Weakness of his Age was his Protection. Thus stain’d with the Parricide of his Brother, I began now to rule with so much Cruelty and Rigour, and carry’d my Rage to such a Height, that all Persons, whose Fidelity I suspected, whether _Quamites_, or others, I deliver’d over to immediate Death. Not a Day pass’d, but was remarkable for some extraordinary Execution, which hastened the Rebellion, which the Nobles had been for a considerable Time projecting; as will be related in its proper Place.