Chapter VII: Part 7

Many unusual, and even stupendous Phænomena, are daily offering themselves to View in this Country, and attracting the Eyes of Strangers and Travellers. The Sight alone of so many Kinds of Animals, to wit, Bears, Wolves, Geese, Magpyes, _&c._ walking up and down the different Streets and Quarters of the City, and conversing familiarly with each other, cannot fail of exciting Admiration and Delight in those who are unaccustom’d to such Kind of Sights. The first Person who came on board us was a meagre Wolf, or Custom-House Officer; he was attended by four Kites, or Under-Officers, such as in _Europe_ are call’d Searchers. They seiz’d whatever they had a Mind to of our Cargo, and by that Means made it appear that they had learnt their Lesson perfectly, and were very far from being Novices in their Trade. The Captain, according to his usual Civility, always took me along with him when he went ashore. We were met at our Landing by a Cock, who having ask’d the usual Questions, namely, what our Business was, and from whence we came, gave Notice of our Arrival to the chief Officer of the Customs. We met with a very civil Reception, and were invited to sup with him. His Wife, who, as we were told, was a celebrated Beauty among the Wolves, did not make her Appearance at Table. The Reason of her Absence, we heard afterward, was her Husband’s Jealousy, who did not think it proper to expose a Person of her Beauty to the View of Strangers, and especially of Sailors, who by reason of their long Abstinence, being generally very loving when they come on Shore, use little or no Distinction in their Addresses. Divers other marry’d Females sat down to Supper with us. One of our Company, a white Cow with black Spots, was the Wife of a Sea-Officer. Next to her sat a black Cat, who was Wife to one of the King’s Huntsmen, and was just come up out of the Country. The Person that sat next to me at Table was a particolour’d Sow, Wife to a Gold-finder, all Offices of this Kind being fill’d up by such as are of Hoggish Extraction. She was very sluttish, and sat down to Table without washing her Hands, which is a common Thing amongst those of her Tribe; but then she was extremely officious, and help’d me several Times with her own Hands. Every body was surpriz’d at her unusual Civility, especially as these Creatures are by no Means remarkable for Politeness. For my Part, I wish’d she had not been quite so well-bred, since the being help’d by such Hands was not in the least agreeable to me. I must here observe, that though the Inhabitants of _Mezendoria_ resemble Brutes, as to their Shapes, yet they have Hands and Fingers which grow out of their Forefeet, in which Respect alone they differ from our Quadrupeds. They have no Occasion for Cloaths, as their Bodies are cover’d over with Hair or Feathers. The Rich are distinguish’d from the Poor only by certain Ornaments, as Collars of Gold, or Pearls, or Garlands wound in a spiral Manner round about their Horns. The Sea-Officer’s Lady was so set off with Ornaments of this Kind, that one could scarce see any Horns she had. She excus’d her Husband’s Absence, by saying he was detained at home by a Law-Suit, a Hearing of which was to come on the Day following. After Supper was over, the particolour’d Sow, whom I have been speaking of, took our Interpreter aside, and had a long Conference with him, the Purport of which, was, that she had conceiv’d a violent Passion for me. He comforted all he could, and promising her a mutual Passion on my Part, he next began to make his Attack on me. But as he found his Words made no Impression upon me, he advis’d me to make my Escape as soon as possible, since he knew the Lady would leave no Stone unturn’d to gratify her Wishes. From that Time forward I kept close on board, especially after I heard that a former Admirer of her Ladyship’s, a Student in Philosophy, who was grown jealous of me, had form’d a Design against my Life. I was scarce secure even on board against the repeated Attacks of this _Inamorata_, who sometimes by Messages, and at other Times by Billet-doux and Love-Verses, endeavour’d to soften my obdurate Heart. Had not I unfortunately lost these Letters, when I afterwards suffer’d Shipwreck, I could here have presented the Reader with a Specimen of Piggish Poetry. But they are now slipt out of Memory, and all that I can at present recollect of them are the following Lines, in which she thus sets off her Beauties.

’Tis true, in dread Array my Bristles rise;
But let me not for this be hateful to thee.
What is the Steed, without his flowing Mane?
What are the feather’d Race, without their Plumes?
What is a Tree, stript of its leafy Honours?
What is a mortal Man without his Beard?
And what, ye Gods! a Sow without her Bristles?

We made an End of our Market with such Expedition, that we were in a Condition to set Sail from thence in a few Days. Our Voyage, however, was retarded some Time, by a Quarrel which happen’d betwixt our Sailors, and some of the Inhabitants of the Country. The Occasion of the Quarrel was this. As one of our Men was passing through the City, a Cuckoo, who had a Mind to be arch upon him, call’d him in Derision _Peripom_, which signifies the same as a Stage-Player amongst us. For as Monkeys in this Country are commonly Rope-Dancers and Comedians, the Cuckoo took our _Martinian_ for a Player. The Sailor, resenting the Affront, fell upon him with a Cudgel, and repeating his Blow, almost maim’d him. The Cuckoo calling out for Help, desir’d the By-Standers to bear Witness of the Assault, and summon’d them the next Day to give Evidence in a Court of Justice. The Witnesses having been examin’d, the Matter was laid before the Senate. The Sailor being ignorant both of the Laws and Language of the _Mezendorians_, was forc’d to see a Pye, or Lawyer, to be Counsel for him. The Cause was thus brought before the Senate, and after a Hearing, which lasted about an Hour, Sentence was given to the following Purpose: That the Cuckoo, as being the Aggressor, should undergo the Punishment in that Case provided, and pay the Costs of the Suit. However, the Lawyer’s Fees had swallow’d up all his Cash already. The Judges who determin’d this Affair were Horses, two of which were Consuls, and the other four Senators. An equal Number of Colts were likewise present, who had a Right of giving their Opinions, but not of voting, and were admitted into the Court as Pupils and Candidates to fill up Vacancies upon the Bench.

Having finish’d our Affairs to our Satisfaction, and got our Loading which was very valuable on board, we thought of returning home. Soon after we were out at Sea, a sudden Calm at once put a Stop to our Course. Upon which we fell to our Diversions, some to spearing of Fishes as they leapt above the Surface, others to angling for them. By and by we had a Gale of Wind, and proceeded in our Voyage.

Having long plough’d the Ocean with a prosperous Gale, we at length came in Sight of other Syrens, who by Intervals would set up a most hideous and dismal Yell. This struck an uncommon Terror into the Sailors, who knew, by woful Experience, that such mournful Musick portended Storms and Shipwrecks. Hereupon we immediately took in our Sails, and every Man was order’d to his Post. We had scarce made an End of our Work before we saw the Heavens cover’d with black Clouds. The Waves began to swell, and such a Storm follow’d, that the Pilot, who had us’d the Subterranean Seas for almost forty Years, declar’d he had never known so terrible a one. Every Thing that happen’d to be upon Deck was immediately wash’d overboard, partly by Means of the Waves, which were every Moment breaking over it, and partly by the violent Rain’s which fell at the same Time, attended with dreadful Lightning and loud Claps of Thunder. So that all the Elements seem’d to conspire together for our Destruction. Our Main-Mast was presently broke short off and carry’d away, and the rest soon follow’d it. We had nothing now but Death before our Eyes. One was calling out upon his Wife and Children, another upon his Friends and Relations, and the whole Vessel resounded with their mournful Cries. The Pilot, though without Hope himself, was nevertheless oblig’d to sooth the rest with Hopes, and to advise them not to give Way to unavailing Sorrows. Whilst he was in the Midst of this Discourse, a sudden Gust of Wind hurry’d him overboard, and he was quickly swallow’d up by the Waves. Three others underwent the same Fate, namely, the Purser, and two Sailors. I was the only one who bore the general Calamity without repining. Life was grown a Burden to me, and I had no Inclination to return to _Martinia_, where I had forfeited my Liberty and good Name. All the Compassion I had left was for the Captain, who had treated me with so much Kindness during our whole Voyage. I strove with all the Eloquence I was Master of, to raise his drooping Spirits; but in vain; he persisted in his Sighs and womanish Complaints, till a Wave came rolling over us, and carry’d him away with it into the Ocean.

The Storm increasing still, no farther Care was taken about the Ship. Not a Mast, not a Rudder, or even so much as a Rope or Oar was left; and our Vessel floated at Random on the Waves. We were toss’d about in this Condition near three whole Days, half dead with Fear and Hunger. The Sky appear’d serene by Intervals, but nevertheless the Storm continued with its usual Violence. At length we discovered Land, the Sight of which, though it appear’d to be nothing but craggy Rocks and Precipices, was some Comfort to those of the Crew who were still left alive. As the Wind blew towards the Shore, we were in Hopes that we should soon be driven thither. But this could not happen without our suffering Shipwreck, by reason of the Cragginess of the Coast. It seem’d however probable, that some of us, if not all, by the Help of some Fragments of the Ship, might for the present at least escape. But whilst we were comforting ourselves with these Hopes, we struck upon a Rock, which being under Water had escap’d our Notice, with such Violence, that the Vessel was in an Instant dash’d into an hundred Pieces. In the Midst of this Confusion I laid hold of a Plank, being only anxious for my own Safety, and little minding what became of my Companions, whose Fate I am yet a Stranger to. It is most likely that they were all lost, since I could not hear of the Arrival of any of them into that Country. I was carry’d with great Rapidity to the Shore, by the Help of the Tide and of the Waves. This was a Means of saving me, for had I continued a little longer in the State I was in, I should certainly have perish’d through Hunger and Fatigue. After I had doubled the Point of a certain Promontory, the Waves abated, and I heard the Murmuring of them at a Distance only, and that too by Degrees grew weaker and weaker, till it intirely vanish’d.

This whole Region is mountainous. And hence the frequent Windings of the Mountains, their overhanging Tops, together with the Deepness of the Vales below, are the Occasion of very great Echoes here. As soon as I found myself near the Shore, I hollow’d out as loud as I was able, in hopes that some of the Inhabitants upon the Coasts might hear me, and come to my Assistance. My first Shout was not return’d, but after I had repeated it, I heard a Kind of Noise from the Shore, and at length saw the Inhabitants running out of the Woods, and coming to meet me with a Boat, which was made of Osier Branches and Oaken Twigs, a Proof that they were not a very improv’d or civiliz’d People. But the Sight of the Rowers gave me a Transport beyond Description; for as to their exterior Figure, they did not differ at all from Men, and were the only Creatures of my own Species that I had beheld during this whole Subterranean Tour. They are something like the Inhabitants of the Torrid Zone. For they have black Beards, and short, curl’d Hair; and those who have long, flaxen Hair, are reputed a Kind of Monsters. At length they drew near to the broken Piece of the Ship I was upon, and took me into their Boat in a dropping Condition. They then row’d to Shore, where after I had been refresh’d with some Meat and Drink, though in a very plain and coarse Manner, I soon recover’d my Vigour and Spirits, notwithstanding I had been three whole Days and Nights in a Manner combating with Thirst and Hunger.

CHAP. XII.

_The Author’s Arrival at_ +Quama+.

And now a Croud of People surrounded me. They talk’d to me in their Language, of which, as I was wholly ignorant, I was at a Loss what to answer. They often repeated the Word _Dank_, _Dank_, which sounding like High Dutch, I answer’d first in that Language, then in the _Danish_ Tongue, and lastly in _Latin_. But to all this they only shook their Heads, to intimate that these Languages were utterly unknown to them. Then I try’d them in the Subterranean Languages, namely, the _Nazaric_, and the _Martinian_; but all to no Purpose. This made me conclude, that they were an unsociable Nation, who had no Kind of Commerce with the rest of the World, and that therefore I should be under a Necessity in this Country of turning Boy, and going to School once more to learn my Letters.

After we had convers’d some Time together, but in such a Manner that we did not understand one another, they brought me to a Cottage made of Osiers. There were no Seats, Benches, or Tables in it; for they eat upon the Ground, and for Want of Beds, they use only Straw, and sleep promiscuously on the Floor, which is the more to be admir’d, as they have Plenty of Timber among them. Their Food is Milk, Cheese, Barley-Bread, and Flesh; which last they broil upon the Coals, having no Notion of any other Sort of Cookery. In short, they liv’d in as plain a Manner as the first Race of Mankind. So that I was forc’d to live like a _Cynic_ Philosopher, till I had made such a Progress in their Language as enabled me to converse with the Inhabitants, and assist their Ignorance. And, indeed, all my Orders and Directions were observ’d as so many Oracles. Nay to such a Height my Reputation rose, that they flock’d to me in Crouds from all the adjacent Towns and Villages, as to an illustrious Doctor, or a Teacher sent from Heaven. I heard also, that a new Computation of Time was made use of among them, which commenc’d from my Arrival. All this, I own, was so much the more grateful to me, as in the Planet _Nazar_, and at _Martinia_, I had been a publick Jest; in the former Place for my Vivacity and quick Conception, and in the latter for my Dulness. And here I experienc’d the Truth of that vulgar Saying, “Among the Blind, he that squints is a King.” For I was now in a Country, where with a slender Share of Knowledge, and with ordinary Abilities, I could arrive at the highest Honours. And Room enough there was here, to try my own Strength, and exercise my Talents; for the Country abounded to Profusion with every Thing necessary for the Use of Man. Many Things it produc’d spontaneously, and whatever Grain was sow’d, repaid the Husbandman with ample Interest. The Inhabitants were of a docil Disposition, and by no Means destitute of Wit and Understanding; but then, as they had never been taught any Thing, they remain’d in the Depth of Ignorance. When I related to them the Circumstances of my Family, my Country, my Shipwreck, and the other Accidents that befel me in my Travels, nobody could be brought to believe it. For they were positive, that I was an Inhabitant of the Sun, and that I descended from that glorious Luminary. Agreeably to this Conceit, they commonly call’d me by the Name of _Pikil-Su_, that is, _Embassador of the Sun_. As to their Religion, they did not deny the Existence of a Supreme Being, but then they did not trouble their Heads about the Proof of that high Point; it was sufficient to them that their Fathers before them believ’d it: And this is their whole System of Divinity. As to their Morality, they knew nothing except this single Precept of _Not doing to others what you would not have done to yourself_. They knew no Law beside the sole Will and Pleasure of their Emperor, and therefore no Crimes, but those of a publick Nature, were ever punish’d. Whatever Misdemeanour was otherwise committed, all the Revenge the Neighbours took, was to avoid the Company of the Offenders, to whom such a general Contempt was usually so intolerable, that many have died for Grief, and as many more have laid violent Hands upon themselves through a Weariness of Life. Chronology they know nothing of, only they compute their Years from the Eclipse of the Sun, which happens by the Interposition of the Planet _Nazar_; so that when you enquire how old any one is, their Answer is, that he is so many Eclipses old. Their Physicks are excessively barren and absurd; they believe the Sun is a Golden Plate, and the Planet _Nazar_ a Cheese. When I enquir’d the Reason why at stated Times the Planet _Nazar_ increas’d and decreas’d, they reply’d, that they knew nothing at all about it. Their Wealth and Substance consists chiefly in Swine, which they distinguish by some particular Mark, and then suffer them to run loose in the Woods. They scourge and beat all such Trees as bear no Fruit, from a foolish Opinion, that their Sterility proceeds from Malice and Envy. Such was the State of this poor miserable People, whom I almost despair’d of ever reducing to Humanity; but recollecting that Assertion of the Poet,

_Nemo adeo ferus est, ut non mitescere possit,
Si modo culturæ patientem præbeat aurem_,

I took Courage, and employ’d the whole Force of my Capacity and Abilities in reforming these Barbarians. For these my Endeavours, and the Success which attended them, they regarded me as something above the Race of Mortals, and so extravagant an Opinion did they entertain of my Wisdom, that they thought nothing was impossible to me. Upon the Loss of Cattle or Goods, they would come, at all Hours, to my Hut, and implore my Assistance. One Day I saw a poor Peasant prostrate before my Door weeping and wringing his Hands, and crying out to me to help him. Upon Inquiry into the Occasion of his Grief, he complain’d to me of the Perverseness and Ill-Nature of his Trees, and begg’d me to interpose my Authority to make them bear more Acorns.

I was inform’d, that the whole Country was in Subjection to a Monarch, whose Residence, _at that Time_, was about eight Days Journey from the Place I was now in. I say _at that Time_, because the Metropolis of the Empire was moveable, that is, his Majesty (whose Place of Residence was look’d upon as the Capital) had no Palace, or fix’d Habitation, but liv’d in Tents, which he transported, together with his Royal Family and the whole Court, from one Province to another. The Prince, who then sway’d the Sceptre, was a Man in Years, and was call’d _Casba_, which signifies, _Great Emperor_. This Territory, with respect, to the Extent of it, merits indeed the Name of an Empire; but thro’ the Ignorance of the Inhabitants, who do not know their own Strength, it makes no great Figure, but is expos’d to the Insults and Ridicule of its Neighbours, and is often oblig’d to become tributary to Nations in Reality more contemptible than themselves.

Fame had now spread my Name and Virtues over all the Provinces. Nothing of Moment was undertook without first consulting me, and every unsuccessful Enterprize was ascrib’d to my Coldness and Want of Favour. Nay, some had it in their Heads to appease my Anger with Sacrifices. I forbear to recount all the Follies of this stupid Nation, and shall only give one or two Instances, by which you may easily judge of the rest. A big-bellied Woman came to me, to desire she might have a Boy. Another intreated me to make his old Parents young again. Another begg’d me to take him with me up to the Sun, that he might return from thence with as much Gold as he could carry. With these, and such unaccountable Requests, was I continually pester’d, tho’ I still reprimanded their Folly in a severe Tone: For I was afraid lest that absurd Conceit of my Power might terminate in divine Worship.

At length it reach’d the Ears of the Monarch, that a Stranger was arriv’d in his Dominions, who call’d himself the Ambassador of the Sun, and who by giving most wise and divine Instructions to the _Quamites_ (so were call’d the Inhabitants of this Country, the Name of which was _Quama_) had convinc’d the People that he was more than Man. Upon this he presently dispatch’d an Embassy to me, inviting me to Court. The Embassadors were in Number thirty, all cloath’d with Tigers Skins, a Dress so much the more honourable in this Country, as the Use thereof is permitted to none but those who have behav’d themselves with Gallantry in the War against the _Tanachites_. (These are rational Tigers, and implacable Enemies to the _Quamites_.) But during all this Time, in the Village where I continued, I had run up a Stone-House of two Stories, after the Manner of the Buildings in _Europe_. The Embassadors beheld it as a stupendous Work, exceeding human Strength, and therefore when they came to me to signify his Imperial Majesty’s Pleasure, they enter’d my House with a religious Awe, as into a Temple or Sanctuary. The Speech they made to me, on this Occasion, was nearly this:

“Whereas the great Emperor _Casba_, our Sovereign Lord and Master, derives his Origin from the great _Spynko_, Son of the Sun, and Founder of the _Quamitic_ Empire, he therefore thinks nothing could be more fortunate or agreeable, than your Arrival, especially as it must be of the highest Advantage to his Dominions, and as there is all the Reason in the World to hope, that under such an illustrious and celestial Teacher, the Kingdom will, in a short Time, wear another Face. For which Reason he hopes you will so much the more willingly honour his Court, as the Capital of the Empire is a more ample Field for the Exercise of your Virtues.”

This Harangue being ended, I returned my humble Thanks to the Embassadors, and accompanied them immediately to the Palace. Though they had taken up fourteen Days in coming, yet in returning we spent only four, which was owing to a Contrivance of mine. For as I had observ’d a vast Multitude of Horses in this Country, which were of no Manner of Use, but rather a Burden upon the People, inasmuch as they liv’d in the Woods like wild Beasts, I laid open to the Natives the several Advantages which would accrue from the Service of those generous Brutes, and taught them the Art of breaking them. In a short Time a great Number were tam’d, and upon the Arrival of the Embassadors, I had as many broke and prepar’d, as would serve us all in our Return. At the Sight of the Horses thus instructed, the Embassadors were amazed, but were afraid to mount them. But when they saw me and others guiding and turning them which Way we pleas’d, by Means of the Bridle, and that without Fear or Danger, they took Courage, after two or three Trials, and ventur’d upon the Journey. And this was the Reason that they return’d in one Third of the Time they came. When we drew near the Place where the Royal City was suppos’d to be, we heard that this famous Metropolis was remov’d into another Province, which oblig’d us to bend our Course another Way.

Upon our Approach to the Capital, the Fright and Surprize of the People is not to be express’d. Many, struck with a Panick, abandon’d the Royal City. The Emperor himself kept shuddring in his Pavilion, nor dar’d to go out of it, till one of the Embassadors alighting from his Horse, went and explain’d the Mystery to him. I was introduc’d soon after in great Form, and with a Train of People behind me, to the Emperor’s Presence. _Casba_ was sitting on a Carpet, surrounded by his Courtiers. Having paid my Compliments to his Imperial Highness, he rose, and ask’d me how the Emperor of the Sun did, the Founder of the Royal Family of _Quama_. To this Question, as I conceiv’d it necessary to keep up the popular Error, I reply’d, “That I was sent from the Monarch of the Sun to reform the savage Manners of the _Quamites_ with salutary Instructions, and to open a Way for them not only to repel the Insults of their Neighbours, but also to enlarge the Bounds of their Empire, and that I had Orders to end my Days among them.” This Speech highly pleas’d the Emperor. He commanded a Tent to be erected for me near his own; he also assign’d me fifteen Domesticks to attend on me, and, laying aside the Monarch, behav’d to me always like a Friend.

CHAP. XIII.

_The Rise of the fifth_ +Monarchy+.

From that Time forward, I was wholly taken up in giving a new Form to the Government, and instructing the Youth in military Discipline.

_Ante urbem hinc pueri, & primævi flore juventus
Exercentur equis, domitantque in pulvere currus:
Aut acres tendunt arcus, aut lenta lacertis
Spicula contorquent._

I began with teaching them the Management of Horses, and training them for War, as I hop’d that by our Horse alone our Neighbours might be kept in Awe. The Emperor was soon supply’d, through my Diligence, with six thousand Horse. The _Tanachites_ were at that Time preparing for a fresh Invasion, on Account of the Delay of the annual Tribute, the Payment of which had often been sollicited in vain. I was order’d by the Emperor to go and meet the Enemy with my new-rais’d Cavalry, to which were added a Body of Infantry. These were arm’d with Pikes and Javelins, with which they might engage the _Tanachites_ at a Distance. For the _Quamites_ had hitherto made use of short Swords or Daggers only; for which Reason being oblig’d to engage Hand to Hand with very fierce Enemies, who were much superior to them in Strength, they had always fought upon unequal Terms.

Being appointed General in this Expedition, as soon as I heard that the _Tanachites_ were drawn up in Order of Battle, not far from the Borders of our Empire, I march’d to meet them with all my Forces. The Enemy, thunderstruck with the Sight of an unexpected Army, remain’d for some Time motionless: But our Forces advancing towards them, began to handle their Pikes and Javelins as soon as the Enemy came within Reach, and made a heavy Slaughter of them. The _Tanachites_, however, did not lose Courage, but made a brisk Attack upon our Infantry: But the new-rais’d Horse falling upon their Flanks, their Ranks were quickly broken, and they themselves put to Flight; so that the Fortune of the Battle wholly turn’d on this Assault. A terrible Slaughter ensued, and the General of the _Tanachites_, together with twenty Tigers of the first Quality, were taken Prisoners, and led in Triumph to _Quama_. It is scarce to be express’d what Joy this extraordinary Victory diffus’d throughout the Empire; for the _Quamites_ had generally been routed in all former Battles, and forc’d to beg a Peace upon the most dishonourable Terms. The Emperor, according to Custom, immediately sentenc’d all the Prisoners to be executed: But as I had an Abhorrence of this Custom, I advis’d the keeping them in Custody, thinking the _Tanachites_ (with whom we could neither be said to be at War, nor in Peace, at that Time) would be quiet, until they saw what was to become of their Prisoners. And besides I urg’d, that a Truce was necessary for me, to put some Schemes in Execution which I was then projecting. I had before taken Notice, that the Country abounded with Salt-Petre, and had got together a large Quantity of it, in order to make Gunpowder. I had not however communicated my Design to any body but the Emperor, whose Authority I stood in need of, to erect Offices for casting Barrels for Guns, and other Kinds of Weapons: And I was in Hopes, that by the Help of these Instruments all the Enemies of this Empire might in a short Time be subdued. After I had got some Hundreds of Muskets made, together with a Quantity of Ball, I gave a publick Specimen of my Invention, to the great Astonishment of every body. A certain Number of Men were immediately set aside, to be continually exercis’d in the Management of these Muskets. After the Musketeers came to be pretty ready in their Exercises, I was declar’d _Jachal_ by the Emperor, or Generalissimo of all his Forces, and all the subordinate Officers were order’d to receive their Commands from me. Whilst these Affairs were transacting, I had frequent Conferences with _Tomopoloko_, the General of the _Tanachites_, in order to discover the State, the Manners and Disposition of that Nation. I found him, to my great Surprize, to be a Person of Prudence, Learning, and Politeness, and was inform’d by him, that Literature and Arts were in no small Esteem in the Country of the _Tanachites_. He told me likewise, that there were a very warlike People Eastward of them, whom the _Tanachites_ were oblig’d to be perpetually upon their Guard against. The Inhabitants were small of Stature, and much inferior to the _Tanachites_ in Strength of Body; but then their Understandings were very acute, and they were eminent for their Dexterity in managing their Javelins, or Darts, and for this Reason had often compell’d the _Tanachites_ to sue for Peace. I learnt afterward, that that Nation was compos’d of Cats, and that of all the Inhabitants of the Firmament, they were the most remarkable for their able Judgment and Skill in Politicks. It was no small Grief to me to be inform’d, that Learning, Wisdom, and Politeness, flourish’d among all the Creatures of this Subterraneous World, Man only excepted, and that the _Quamites_ alone were barbarous and unciviliz’d. I hop’d, however, that this Reproach would soon be remov’d, and that the _Quamites_ would recover that Dominion which Nature has given to Man over all other Animals.

The _Tanachites_ continued quiet for a long Time after their last Defeat; but after they had discover’d, by Means of their Spies, the State and Disposition of the new Body of Horse, namely, that those Centaurs, which had struck such a Terror into them, were nothing else but Horses, which had been broke and manag’d, they resum’d new Courage, and rais’d fresh Forces, which the King himself commanded in Person. The Army consisted of twenty thousand Tigers, all veteran Troops, except two Regiments which had lately been inlisted. These new-rais’d Forces were however a nominal, and not a real Addition to their Strength. This Army, flush’d with Hopes of Victory, struck a Terror into the whole Empire of _Quama_. Twelve thousand of our Foot advanc’d to meet them, among which were six hundred Musketeers, together with four thousand Horse. As I had no Doubt about the Success of the Battle, lest the Emperor should be defrauded of the Glory of the Victory, I intreated the old Man to put himself at the Head of his Forces. I lost nothing of my Credit by this feign’d Modesty, since the whole Army look’d upon me as their Leader. I thought it most advisable not to let my Musketeers have any Share in the first Assault, having a Mind to try, whether we could not carry the Victory by Means of the Horse alone. But this Piece of Management cost me dear. For the _Tanachites_ attack’d our Foot with so much Violence, that they oblig’d them to give Way: They stood likewise the Shock of our Horse so valiantly, that for a long Time it could not be said to which Side the Victory inclin’d. While we were in the Heat of the Battle, I led my Musketeers on to the Attack. At the first Discharge of our Artillery, the _Tanachites_ were in a Manner stupefy’d. They could not conceive from whence those Thunders and Lightnings proceeded; but when they saw the dreadful Effects thereof, they were seiz’d as it were with a Panick. This first Salutation laid two hundred Tigers prostrate on the Ground, amongst which were two Chaplains belonging to the Camp, who were each of them pierc’d thro’ with a Musket-Ball, whilst they were encouraging the Soldiers to do their Duty by very pathetick Discourses in Praise of Valour. Their Fate was bitterly lamented by all, for they were reckon’d admirable Orators. As soon as I perceiv’d the Terror our Enemies were in, I order’d a second Discharge to be made. This did more Execution than the former: Great Numbers were kill’d, and among the rest, the King himself. Upon this the Enemy losing all Hopes, turn’d their Backs. Our Horse pursued them, and made so great a Slaughter of them as they fled, that the Multitude of Carcasses with which the Field was covered, at length put a Stop to their Pursuit. After the Battle was over, and we had Time to take an Account of the Number of the Slain, they were found to amount to thirteen thousand. The Enemy being thus intirely routed, the victorious Army enter’d the Country of the _Tanachites_, and after a few Days March encamp’d under the Walls of the Metropolis. Such a Terror had at that Time seiz’d all Peoples Minds, that though the Town was strong, and well secur’d by its Situation, Walls, and Forts, and well stor’d with Provisions of all Kinds, yet the Magistrates came out in the most suppliant Manner to meet the Conquerors, and to offer them the Keys of the City. This City was no less remarkable for its great Extent, than for the Cleanness of its Streets, and the Neatness of its Buildings. And it was certainly Matter of great Wonder, that the _Quamites_, who were encompass’d on all Sides by Nations so polite, should have continued so long in their Barbarity. But they were in this Respect like some other Nations, who though ignorant of what passes in foreign Countries, entertain a high Conceit of themselves, and who having no Commerce or Communication with others, live hugely contented in their own Sordidness and Ignorance, of which it would be very easy to produce Instances among the _Europeans_. This Defeat became a new Æra among the _Tanachites_; and as this decisive Battle was fought, according to their Computation, upon the third Day of the Month _Torul_, they reckon this among the unlucky Days. At this Season of the Year, the Planet _Nazar_, whose Revolution round the Subterranean Sun regulates the Time, and distinguishes the Seasons, is at its farthest Distance from this Part of the Firmament. The whole Firmament likewise makes its Revolution round the Sun, but as the Planet moves with greater Velocity, _Nazar_ seems to increase or decrease, according as it is nearer to, or more remote from this or that Hemisphere. The Increase or Decrease of this Planet, as also the Eclipses of the Sun, are the Subject of astronomical Observations in this Country. I once took the Pains, at my Hours of Leisure, to examine the _Tanachitish_ Kalendar, and it seem’d to me to be an orderly and well digested Thing.

The Taking of the capital City was follow’d by the Surrender of the whole Kingdom; so that the Contempt with which the _Quamites_ had been before stigmatiz’d, was chang’d into Renown; and the Empire of _Quama_, by the Addition of this conquer’d Nation, became almost twice as powerful as it was before. But as every body look’d upon this Success to be owing to my Industry and Management, the Esteem which they had for a long Time conceiv’d for me was heighten’d almost into Adoration. The _Tanachites_ being thus subdued, and Governors appointed in every City, to keep this fierce and warlike People in their Duty, I went to work, to finish the Task I had begun, and to root out that Barbarity in which the _Quamites_ were as yet involv’d. It was a Matter of great Difficulty, however, to introduce the Study of the liberal Arts at once; for the _Latin_ Tongue, and a few Scraps of _Greek_, which I had learnt in _Europe_, would not, I knew, be here of any Use. For this Reason, I caus’d twelve of the most learned Tigers to be sent for out of the Enemies Country. These were made Professors, and commanded to found an University upon the Model of those in their own Country. I likewise order’d the Royal Library of _Tanachin_ to be remov’d to _Quama_. I was determin’d, however, that as soon as the _Quamites_ had made such a Progress in Literature as to be able to stand upon their own Legs, I would send these Foreigners back into their own Country.

I was very desirous of seeing the _Tanachitish_ Library, because I had been inform’d by their General _Tomopoloko_, that amongst other Manuscripts in the Archives of the Library, there was one compos’d by an Author who had been in our World, and had left a Description of its different Kingdoms, especially the _European_ ones; he told me likewise, that the _Tanachites_ had got Possession of this Book while they were at War in a very distant Country, but that the Name of the Author was conceal’d, nor could it ever be learnt who he was, or how he was carry’d to the Superterranean Habitations.

Upon looking over the Book, I found what _Tomopoloko_ had told me concerning the Author was true, and therefore I candidly discover’d my Race and Country to him, assuring him at the same Time, that I had declar’d the same Thing to the _Quamites_ at my first Arrival, but that the stupid Mortals gave no Credit to my Narration, but would needs have me to be an Embassador from the Sun, and still continued to persist obstinately in that Error. I added likewise, that as I look’d upon it to be a Crime to keep so vain a Title any longer, I was at length determin’d to discover my Origin to the Publick, by which ingenuous Confession I thought my Reputation would not in the least suffer, especially as I hop’d, that the Reading of this Book would convince every body how much the _Europeans_ excel all other People in Virtue and in Knowledge. The prudent _Tomopoloko_ did not seem pleas’d with my Design, and gave me his Sentiments upon it, as I remember, in the following Terms. “Good Sir, before you proceed in your Design, it will be necessary for you to see the Book, the Reading of which may, perhaps, divert you from your Purpose; for either the Author has misrepresented them, or the Manners of the Superterraneans are foolish and absurd, and they are govern’d by Laws and Customs more worthy of Laughter than Regard. But after you have read the Book, you may use your own Discretion. One Piece of Advice, however, I will presume to give you, and that is, not rashly to reject a Title which has render’d you so venerable in the Opinion of the _Quamites_: For nothing serves more effectually to restrain Men within the Bounds of Duty, than the Opinion which the Vulgar entertain of Birth and high Descent.”

I took the Advice, and determin’d, with the Assistance of _Tomopoloko_, to read the Book. The Title of it is this; _Tanian’s Journey to the Superterranean World, or a Description of the Kingdoms and Countries upon Earth_. The Name of _Tanian_ is thought to be fictitious, and as the Book was grown mouldy for want of being taken due Care of, and imperfect in several Places through Length of Time, what I wanted most to see, namely, which Way the Author got up to our World, and down again, was missing. These are the Contents of what remain’d of the Work.

_Fragments of_ Tanian_’s Journey above Ground, translated from the
Original, by the celebrated, noble, and valiant_ Tomopoloko,
_General of the_ Tanachites.

* * * This Country (i. e. _Germany_) goes by the Name of the _Roman_ Empire; but this is merely titular, for the _Roman_ Monarchy has been extinct for several Ages. The Language, which the _Germans_ use, is with much Difficulty to be understood, because the natural Order of the Words is inverted; for what goes first in other Languages, comes last in this, so that you may be oblig’d to read to the End of a Page before you can comprehend the Meaning of it. The Form of Government is strange. The _Germans_ think they have a King, and yet in Reality they have none. _Germany_ is said to be one Empire, and yet it is divided into many separate Principalities, each of which has the Sovereign Power within itself, so that they often make War upon one another, and have most certainly a Right so to do. The Empire is said to be _always August_, though it is sometimes very much diminish’d; _Holy_, tho’ without any _Holiness_; _Invincible_, though often expos’d to the Depredations of its Neighbours. Nor are the Rights and Privileges of this Nation less wonderful, since many have Rights, which they are prohibited from making any Use of. Infinite are the Comments which have been publish’d upon the State of the _German_ Empire, but so intricate is the Subject, that in Spite of all their Labours they are at every Turn as much at a Loss as ever concerning it; for * * * *

* * * * The Capital of this Kingdom (_France_) which is very large, is call’d _Paris_. It may in some Sense be styl’d the Capital of _Europe_: For it exercises a Kind of Jurisdiction over all other _European_ Nations. For Example, it prescribes Rules to them about their Eating, and about the Fashion of their Cloaths; so that let any Fashion be as ridiculous and as inconvenient as it will, all other Nations are oblig’d to follow it, whenever the _Parisians_ are pleas’d to lead the Way. How or what Time they acquir’d this Right, I could never learn. Their Authority, however, did not, as I understood, extend to other Things, for the rest of the _European_ Nations are often at War with the _French_, and sometimes force them to accept of Peace upon very severe Terms; but the Servitude they are under with regard to Dress, and the Manner of Eating is perpetual; so that whatever Fashion is invented at _Paris_, the rest of _Europe_ are strictly oblig’d to come into it. The _Parisians_ very much resemble the _Martinians_ in Quickness of Apprehension, the Love of Novelty, and a Fertility of Invention.

* * * Having left _Bononia_, we went to _Rome_. This City is subject to a Priest, who, though his Dominions are very narrow, is reckon’d the most powerful of all the _European_ Kings and Princes. For other Princes exercise Dominion only over the Persons and Estates of their Subjects, but this can destroy their Souls likewise. The _Europeans_ in general believe, that the Keys of Heaven are in the Custody of this Priest. I was very desirous of seeing so great a Curiosity, but I lost my Labour, nor do I know, to this Day, what Form they are of, or in what Cabinet they are kept. The Authority which this Pontiff exercises, not only over his own Subjects, but over all Mankind, chiefly consists in this, that he can absolve whom God condemns, and condemn whom he absolves. An enormous Power, indeed! and such an one as our Subterraneans will never believe can fall to any Mortal’s Share. But it is an easy Matter to impose upon the _Europeans_ as one pleases, and to make them swallow the greatest Absurdities, though they imagine that nobody has any Understanding but themselves; and being puff’d with this Opinion, they look down with Contempt upon all other Mortals, as if they were Barbarians in Comparison of them.

For my Part, I do not undertake to justify the Manners, Laws, and Customs of our Subterraneans; I will only produce some Instances of the Customs of the _Europeans_, in order to make it appear how undeservedly they pass a Censure upon the Manners of other Nations.

It is a Custom all over _Europe_ for People to scatter a Kind of Meal, which is made by grinding the Fruits of the Earth, and which Nature intended for Food, over their Hair and Cloaths. This Meal is commonly call’d _Powder_, and great Care and Pains are us’d to cleanse their Hair from it every Morning, with an Instrument call’d a Comb, in order to make Room for more of the same Sort. They have another Custom which appear’d to me no less ridiculous, which is this. They have a Kind of little Cover, or Hat, to defend their Heads against the Cold, which Cover they very often wear under one of their Arms, even in the very Depth of Winter. This appear’d as absurd to me, as it would have been to have seen a Man walking through the Streets with his Coat or his Breeches in his Hand, and leaving his Body to be expos’d to the Inclemencies of the Air, from which they were intended to defend it.

The religious Opinions of the _Europeans_ are very sound and agreeable to right Reason. They are under an Injunction carefully to study the Books in which the Rule of Faith and Practice is contain’d, in order to discover their true Sense and Meaning. These Books recommend Indulgence to weak Brethren, and such as happen to be mistaken; but if any should chance to understand a Thing in a different Sense from the Majority, he is punish’d for this Defect of Judgment by Fines, Imprisonment, Whipping, and even sometimes by dying at a Stake. This seem’d to me the same Thing, as if a Man, who happen’d to be short-sighted, should undergo the Bastinado, only because Objects, which seem square to me, appear round to him. I was inform’d, that Thousands had been hang’d and burnt, by Order of the Magistrate, on this Account.

In almost every Town and Village, you see Men standing up in Places of publick Resort, and severely reprimanding others for those Sins which they themselves are daily guilty of; which is just as if one should hear a Man in Liquor declaiming against Drunkenness.

Oftentimes a Person who is born humpback’d, crooked, or lame, shall be ambitious of being thought handsome; and another sprung from the Dregs of the People, shall be ambitious of a Coat of Arms, or a Title: Which is full as absurd as if a Dwarf should affect to be call’d a Giant, or an old Man, young.

It is a Custom in great Towns, for Friends and Acquaintance to visit one another after Dinner, in order to drink a Kind of black Broth made of burnt Beans. This Broth is commonly call’d Coffee. When they make these Visits, they are shut up in a Box, which is fix’d upon four Wheels, and drawn to the Place of Rendezvous by two Beasts of very great Strength: For the _Europeans_ think it a Disgrace to use their Legs.

Upon the first Day of the Year the _Europeans_ are seiz’d with a Disease, which we have no Knowledge of amongst us. The Symptoms of it are strange Commotions and Agitations of Mind, and an Inability to sit still in any Place. They run about at such Times from one House to another, as if they were distracted, without knowing why they do it. The Disease sometimes lasts for fourteen Days. At length, when they are quite fatigu’d and spent with continually running about, they come to themselves again, and recover their former Health.

As the _Europeans_ have innumerable Diseases of Mind, so they have innumerable Remedies. Some are seiz’d with a strange Passion of walking in such a Manner, as that the left Sides of their Bodies may be turn’d towards the right Sides of others. The farther North you go, the stronger you find this Humour, which proves that it is all owing to the Climate, and the Intemperature of the Air. This Disease is cur’d by certain seal’d Papers, fill’d with Characters of a particular Kind. As long as the Patient carries these Papers about him, by Way of Talisman or Charm, he grows better and better by Degrees, till he is quite recover’d.

Another raging Distemper they have, which is cur’d by the Sound of a Bell, at the Noise of which the Mind immediately grows calm, and the Disorder abates: Yet this Remedy is by no Means effectual, because in two or three Hours Time the same raging Evil returns.

In _Italy_, _France_, and _Spain_, during the Winter Season, an epidemick Madness prevails for several Weeks. They put a Stop to it at length, by sprinkling the Foreheads of the Patients with Ashes, at an appointed Time. But in the Northern Parts of _Europe_ these Ashes have no Virtue, and the Inhabitants of the North recover by the Help of Nature only.

Most of the _Europeans_ enter into a solemn Covenant with God, which they call _the Communion_, three or four Times a Year, and break it as soon as ever they have made it. So that they seem to make it for no other Reason, but that they may shew that they are resolv’d not to stand to their Agreement.

When they confess their Sins, and implore the Mercy of God, their Words are generally set to Musick. Flutes, Trumpets, and Drums, are sometimes added to the Concert, according to the Greatness of the Crime, for which they are suing Pardon.

Almost all the _European_ Nations are obliged to confess their Belief of a Doctrine contain’d in a certain sacred Book. But the reading this Book is totally prohibited in the Southern Countries, so that People there are laid under a Necessity of believing what it is criminal to read or enquire into.

In the same Countries, Men are forbad to worship God in any, but an unknown Tongue; so that such Prayers only are thought to be legitimate, and agreeable to the divine Being, as are put up by Persons, who do not understand a Word they say.

In the great Cities, such as arrive at Honours and profitable Employments are all paralytick; for they are oblig’d to be carry’d along the Streets, like weak and impotent People, on a Kind of Couch, made in the Figure of a Chest or Box.

Most of the _Europeans_ shave their Heads, and to conceal their Baldness, wear an artificial Covering made of other Peoples Hair.

The Controversies which are commonly discuss’d in the Schools in _Europe_, are about Things, the Knowledge of which neither concerns Mankind, nor is within the Reach of their Comprehension. But the most learned Subjects of all, which the _Europeans_ comment upon, are the Rings, Robes, Slippers, Shoes, and Buskins of certain antiquated People, who liv’d many Centuries ago. As to the Sciences, as well sacred as profane, the Generality do not judge for themselves, but subscribe implicitly to the Opinion of others. Whatever Sect they happen to fall into, they stick to it with all imaginable Firmness. As to what they say of pinning their Faith upon the Sleeve of others who are wiser than themselves, I should approve of it, were the Vulgar and Illiterate proper Judges of this Matter; for to be able to distinguish who is this wise Man that may be rely’d upon, requires the greatest Wisdom.

In the Southern Countries, a Sort of little Cakes or Wafers are carry’d about the Streets, which the Priests say are Gods: But what is most surprizing, the very Bakers themselves, who shew you the Flour of which they were made, will take their Oaths upon it, that the World was created by these Wafers.