Chapter V: The Dolls Parliament

It had been a very dull dark day, and the children scarcely knew how to amuse themselves. Gladys got all her toys out of the cupboard, and having arranged them in a row against the wall, proceeded to give each of them a scolding.

She slapped Adeliza May, and reproved her for vanity. She told the Billikins that he looked like a lunatic, and when she reached Mortimer Max, who was third in the row, (John James being the fourth), she smacked him on the head, and said he was looking defiant, and she would have no more nonsense from him.

"It's too bad of you, Gladys!" cried Freda, the tender-hearted.

"Go it, Gladys!" said Tommy, and he got out his pea-shooter, and began to shoot at Mortimer Max and the Billikins.

"Mind your own business, both of you!" said Gladys shortly; and no one knows what might have happened next if the situation had not been relieved by the entrance of a Teddy telegraph boy, with a telegram.

Gladys advanced to take the orange coloured envelope from him, but the messenger took no notice of her. He handed the telegram briskly to John James.

This was a bitter disappointment to Gladys. She had never had a telegram in her life, and she had felt so sure that this one was for her. Then she laughed and thought how very extraordinary everything seemed. She did not remember ever seeing a Teddy telegraph boy before, and this one was such a funny little fellow. His hat was perched on one side and he carried himself as though he were the most important person in Golliwogland.

His uniform was very smart and clean and was trimmed with red braid. It was so exceedingly clean, that it occurred to Gladys he could not have been a telegraph boy very long; at any rate, he seemed very proud of his position, and while he was waiting to see if there happened to be an answer, he confided to Tommy that his one ambition in life was to become a postman.

John James tore open the envelope with a very grubby thumb.

"I don't suppose it is a real telegram," said Gladys tossing her head.

John James trembled just a little, for it flashed across his mind that perhaps his great-grandmother, who had lately celebrated her hundredth birthday, might have taken chicken-pox, or something like that.

However, he heaved a sigh of relief when he read the message; with a wave of his hand he dismissed the messenger, and handed the telegram to Gladys. Tommy and Freda rushed to peep over her shoulder, and this is what they read:

"_Don't forget to attend Dolls' Parliament to-night at six._"

"That's from the Prime Minister," said John James grandly.

"Isn't that splendid?" cried the children, clapping their hands. "Of course we are coming too."

"Then we had better go at once," returned the Golliwog, and they all trooped after him, shouting with joy.

"The Speaker takes the chair in half an hour," remarked John James, "so we had better get a car."

They noticed then for the first time that little electric cars were running in all directions. There was one very queer Teddy Bear driver who drove his car along at a great rate, and rang his gong as loudly as he could, on purpose to scare the old and infirm Toys.

It was funny to see an elephant on crutches, jumping out of the way, and the children laughed very much, when, on being nearly run over, he dropped his crutches and ran away quite briskly without them.

Then the conductor who punched their tickets for them was a very nice-looking Teddy, and as straight as a Tin Soldier. He was very polite too; in fact, so polite that he omitted to take their fares, and when they mentioned it, he said it didn't matter at all.

They soon reached the Parliament House, which was a very big building, and on one huge square tower there was a clock, which now said five minutes to six.

Several Golliwog policemen were guarding the entrance, and a large crowd of Toys stood there cheering the various M.P.'s as they arrived; and then just as our friends, piloted by John James, were about to cross the road, a taxi drove up, and there was much cheering, and cries of "The Prime Minister."

At that precise moment, a Pollywog rushed into the middle of the road. Gladys and Freda clutched John James, one on each side and shrieked:

"She'll be run over!--yes, she will."

"Run in, you mean," said the policeman who stood near them, and he darted after her.

Meanwhile, the Pollywog had stopped exactly in front of the taxi, and dragging from under her cloak a green and violet flag, she waved it in the Prime Minister's face as he alighted, and shouted:

"Votes for Pollywogs."

A furious cry went up from the Teddy Bears and the Golliwogs standing near; then the policeman seized her by the shoulder, pulled her away, and the astonished Prime Minister was able to enter the House.

The Pollywog, who was now infuriated, struggled and fought with the policeman who was trying to arrest her. She managed to bite him so hard that three or four other constables had to come to his assistance, and eventually she was carried away shrieking "Votes for Pollywogs" at the very top of her voice.

Gladys and Freda were very much excited about the affair, though they hardly knew what to make of it. They wanted to know what would become of the Pollywog, and whether the policeman would take the green and violet flag away from her.

"Don't bother about her now," said John James, leading the way into the House. "We shall have trouble to get you in after this, you see if we don't."

And he was right. The policeman at the door did not want to allow Gladys and Freda to pass, and made a lot of enquiries to see if they belonged to the "Votes for Pollywogs" people. John James assured them that all was right, and after some conversation, and a gingerbread pressed into each policeman's hand, they were let in, and John James conducted them to the place where the reporters sat.

Naturally the other reporters were very much surprised to see John James accompanied by Tommy and the little girls, and a good deal of whispering went on. A very fat doll wanted to know whether the ladies would mind if he took his collar off, as he could always work better without it. The children stared at him gravely for a minute, then they began to look round the House.

It was the queerest place they had ever seen. All along one side of the building a large number of particularly intelligent Pussies were seated. Facing them were the Doggie Benches, while at one end there were quite a lot of Frogs, in stand-up collars and starched cuffs. There were Teddy Bears and Dolls, in short, every Toy was represented--except the Pollywog!

The business of the evening soon began, and then the reporters scribbled as if their very lives depended on it--and perhaps they did! The Fat Doll nearly rolled off his seat, and one of his friends took hold of him by a string that was round his waist and hauled him up again; but what struck the children as very strange was that he said "Papa" and "Mamma" very fast, until the other fellow let go.

The Bill being considered was The Nursing of Dolls Bill, brought in by the Keeper of the Money-Box, and there was to be the final division on it that night.

Tommy heard the Fat Doll say that it was likely to be an all-night sitting, and that he had brought a packet of acid drops with him. He passed them round and John James sucked one critically.

"I hope it is an all-night sitting," whispered Tommy to the little girls.

"It strikes me we are going to see some fun. But who on earth is the Keeper of the Money-Box?"

"Hush--sh!" said John James "He is the Gollywog who makes us all pay taxes, and he has his work cut out too, poor chap. You should just see how some of them are fighting this Nursing of Dolls Bill."

"Which side are you on, John James?" asked Gladys curiously--"you like being nursed, don't you?"

But the Golliwog would not say. He remarked that his politics were his own affair, and that an important paper like _The Golliwog News_ could not be too careful. There was no time to press the subject further, for the debate began.

The first to address the House was the member for East Frogland--Henry Toad, Esq.

He spoke very strongly against the Bill; asking in an angry tone why the House was always passing Bills for the benefit of Dolls. Was it not time they did something for the relief of other classes?--namely, the Froggies. (Murmurs of approval from the Froggie benches).

He proceeded to draw a moving picture of helpless Frogs being chased and stoned by boys. (".Shame.") "But that is not the worst," he said with a loud croak. "Why, in some parts, we are subjected to the most cruel and horrible torture imaginable, cut up in slices and eaten--actually eaten." (Sensation).

"I shall take hops shortly," said Mr. Toad, as he resumed his seat, "to bring before this House a measure which will provide a larger amount of protection for my kith and kin." (Loud Froggie croaks).

Gladys felt so much interested in what was passing, that she scarcely had time to notice John James. Now she glanced over her shoulder and saw that he was scribbling notes as quickly as ever he could. She smiled proudly to herself as she remembered that every word Mr. Toad had said, would be in the paper the following morning.

The next speaker was the member for Kitten Town--Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt.

"Look! Look!" cried Freda in a loud whisper. "That is the very Cat we saw on our way to Toy Town. Look! He's putting up his eye-glass."

"Shut up!" said Tommy sternly, putting his hand over her mouth. "They'll think you're a Pollywog."

Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt was in favour of the Bill, and thought that Dolls were really nursed too much (hear, hear). He would be glad, however, if the Keeper of the Money-Box could see his way to include Kittens in the Bill. (Loud me-ows from the Catty side of the House). They were nursed quite as much as Dolls were, and some reform was needed in that direction. His party, however, would be satisfied with the Bill as it stood, for they regarded it as a step in the right direction. (General noises from all sides of the House.)

The member for the central division of Dolls House City was greeted with loud applause as he rose to address the House, but Gladys opened her eyes very widely, and nearly fell off her chair when she saw who it was that they were making such a fuss about.

It was actually Mortimer Max! He had taken his wig off, and was dressed like an ordinary person, that was why she had not recognised him before. She stood up, and was going to call out to him, when Tommy seized her arm.

"You girls oughtn't to have come," he said impatiently. "Talk about the Pollywogs, you're much worse. If you are not careful the whole crowd will attack us."

Gladys sat down again. She hardly knew what to make of it. She had had no idea that Mortimer Max was an M.P. and was really very much astonished. Why had he never told her? She made up her mind to tell him what she thought when she got him alone again. However, she had no time to think of that now, for Mortimer Max had begun to speak and she badly wanted to hear what he had to say.

Mortimer Max said he never saw the advent of a Bill with greater pleasure than the one under discussion. The length of time some dolls were nursed was a disgrace. It was high time this particular injustice was removed. It was not only in the matter of nursing, but in the general treatment they received.

"In my own case," said Mortimer sadly, "I am often smacked on the head by my mistress, Miss Gladys." (Laughter, and cries of "Shame.")

Gladys, who had been greatly shocked at the sentiments expressed by her dear Mortimer, flushed scarlet at this remark. It seemed as if all eyes in the House were directed towards her, and she felt hot and cold by turns. She glanced uneasily at John James. He was scribbling fast!

"Yes," proceeded the member for the central division of Dolls House City, warming to his subject, "I frequently get smacked and pinched for no earthly reason. She calls me Naughty Morty, when I haven't done anything at all, and of course I don't like it."

"Oh, you wicked thing!" groaned Gladys. "Won't I give it to you!"

"But that is not the worst," continued Mortimer, while the House listened with rapt attention, "I don't mind what she does to me very much, but when she ill-treats my sister, Adeliza May, it makes my sawdust go all of a shiver."

"I don't ever ill-treat her!" shrieked Gladys, but no one seemed to hear her. Only the reporters scribbled faster than ever.

"Adeliza May is a very pretty Doll," went on Mortimer, "and the other day a young boy, named Tommy Stapleton, who comes to have tea with Miss Gladys sometimes, tried to poke one of her eyes out with a knitting needle. He also shot at me, and at a very intelligent Billikins, with a pea-shooter." (Sensation).

It was now Tommy's turn to feel small, and he shook his fist at Mortimer Max.

"But you did do it, Tommy," whispered Freda at his side.

"Do you call that fair treatment?" shouted Mortimer, hammering on the table with his fist. (Wild cries of "No!")

"I tell you," thundered Mortimer, "that thousands of Dolls are being maimed for life every year, and this wholesale butchery must be stopped." (Cheers.)

"Even where there is no direct cruelty, the nursing so many Dolls get coddles them up and makes them good for nothing. Their constitutions must become weakened and we know very well that it is all U.P. with a Doll who gets measles or whooping cough. This Bill must become law, if the future generations of Dolls are to grow up worthy members of that illustrious race, a race, I repeat--aye, am proud to repeat,--a race of which I am a member!"

Mortimer Max sat down, and nearly everybody in the House stood up, shouting and waving his hat in the air.

John James, the Fat Doll, and the other reporters were writing for their very lives, and even Gladys could not help feeling pleased that Mortimer seemed so popular. After John James he was her favorite Toy.

When the noise had subsided, Mr. William Dogg, a very cross looking bull-pup, who sat for West Dogton, rose to speak.

Mr. Dogg said he considered the Bill a great mistake. If anyone had a Doll, he had a perfect right to do what he liked with it. He, for one, had no patience with the grandmotherly tendencies shown by the Keeper of the Money-Box.

"At any rate," he said, "if the two hours limit is passed, there will, perhaps, be a good deal more time for Dolls to be worried in other ways."

Here Mr. Dogg showed all his teeth and snapped at a fly.

There were loud cries of anger, and members everywhere rose in their seats, and made noises at the bull-pup.

The Speaker called "Order," but his voice was scarcely heard above the din.

The Prime Minister then tried to address the House, but it was not the slightest use--the noise was deafening. The children put their fingers in their ears, but they could not keep it out.

Several Dolls and one or two prominent Cats, made an attempt to seize the member for West Dogton, while a number of Doggies--and Carlo was among them--came to the assistance of their leader, and the children thought matters would end up in a free fight.

"I wish we had never come," wailed Freda.

"So do I," said Gladys, tugging at John James' arm to attract his attention.

"It's all right--it's all right," said John James hastily; "this sort of thing often happens."

Tommy felt dubious about that, and the girls were really frightened, but as the Fat Doll and all the pressmen were laughing, and seizing this opportunity of cracking up acid drops, they thought perhaps nobody would get killed after all.

Cries of "Withdraw!" were shouted, and at length the bull-pup consented to withdraw what he had said, and then everybody returned to his place.

When the division was called it was very amusing to see the various M.P.'s voting on the Bill. Some of the Froggies voted for it, and rubbed shoulders with Mortimer Max and his party, who had gone solid for the Bill. The Teddies and Golliwogs were nearly all for it, but a few did not vote at all.

When the result was announced, showing a majority of seventy-nine for the Bill, the air was rent with the queerest set of noises the children had ever heard in their lives, for everyone seemed greatly excited about it.

The big clock on the tower now struck three, and they all began to talk about going home.

"It's cold," said Freda with chattering teeth, as they went down the steps; then she laughed, for the Fat Doll pushed past them, with his collar in his hand and his necktie wound round his throat like a bandage.

"Papa"--"Mamma," he cried, as he jostled through the crowd.

CHAPTER VI

"Tis not for me to flaunt and boast
That I have never left my post."
The Scarecrow coughed,--a gentle hint,
For more of Freda's peppermint.
Then read how once a cruel blast
Had hurled him from his post at last.
And how Sir Hawk so swiftly flew
To summon twelve good crows and true.
And how, quite suddenly that day,
They every one were "scared" away.