Chapter XII: The Christmas Party

"Now, what I want to know is," said Gladys, looking very earnestly at John James, "what did you find to do while we were at the Exhibition?"

"I was very busy," said the Golliwog.

"Yes, I daresay," Gladys frowned, and tapped impatiently on the table, "but what were you doing?

"I suppose I shall have to tell you," said John James, "you're such a one for finding out things. I'm going--I mean _The Golliwog News_ is going--to have a Christmas party."

"Oh, John James, are you really?"

Gladys' eyes sparkled, as she jumped up and ran to him.

"And were you sending out--I mean--would you like me to write the invitations for you?"

"No, thanks. I've sent them. The special ones, that is. I've issued a general invitation to all our readers."

"Oh-oh! But _The Golliwog News_ has such a _tremendous_ circulation," said Gladys doubtfully. "Selina said so. You'll never find room for everybody."

"Yes, we shall."

And for once, John James forgot his dignity, and seizing Gladys' hand he waltzed her round the table, shouting:

"The more the merrier! _The Golliwog News_ for ever! Hooray--hooray!"

"Goodness! What a noise!" cried Tommy, bursting into the nursery. "Gladys and John James have gone mad!" he exclaimed loudly to Freda who followed close behind him.

For a moment the two children stood aghast upon the threshold, then the impromptu waltz came to an abrupt finish. Gladys rushed to welcome her friends and told them the astounding news.

"John James is going to have a Christmas party."

"Scrumptious!" said Tommy. "Who's coming?"

"All the readers of _The Golliwog News_."

"That's us, then," remarked Thomas cheerfully, and he plied John James with questions, till the Golliwog stopped his ears and would say nothing but "Wait and see."

"Will Mr. Merry Codfish come?"

"Wait and see."

"Have you asked Father Neptune?"

"Wait and see."

"Is Cock Robin coming--and Peter Bunney--and Thomas Purr-Catt--and Sir Solomon Seal?"

"_Wait and see!_" roared John James. "They're all invited, but we shan't know till they arrive whether they are coming or not."

"Let him alone, Tommy," said Gladys, "or perhaps he won't let us three come. I shall wear my best frock. What shall you wear, Freda?"

"My Bo-Peep dress," said Freda, and then the children began an animated conversation on what proved to be an inexhaustible subject, and lasted till the very day of the party.

On that auspicious afternoon, which was also Christmas Eve, John James had brushed his unruly hair till it stood bolt upright. With his eye-glasses set on the extreme end of his funny little nose, he looked a very important person indeed as he waited at the nursery door to receive his guests.

Carlo and Spottikins were deputed to open the front door and show the arrivals upstairs between them.

Peter Bunney was the first to arrive, with his ear trumpet in a green baize bag. Spottikins and Carlo both accompanied him upstairs as neither of them could decide to stay below, in case they lost any of the fun.

"Mr. Peter--" said Carlo.

"--Bunney!" added Spottikins quickly, and in tumbled Peter, knocking John James' eye-glasses clean off his nose, as he swung his bag over his shoulder.

"Came early!" he gasped, "so as not to miss anybody. Plush-Mole's coming by the Underground. Too slow for me. That's my ear trumpet," he added, indicating the green bag. "I thought it might be taken for a musical instrument, and it was! I heard a passenger on the G. & T.B.R. say: 'My deah! It's Professor Rabizzio. Ha! ha! ha!'"

"Good joke!" cried Tommy, shaking with laughter as he took the trumpet out of the bag. "Very good joke."

"Choke?--did you say choke?" cried Peter excitedly. "Pat him on the back! Quick!"

He snatched the trumpet out of Tommy's hand and was beginning to pummel him with it, when Sir Solomon and Lady Seal arrived.

"Pray come in," said John James stepping forward to welcome them. Lady Seal smiled graciously, and sat down beside Tommy. Her brown satin dress brushed against his coat and gave him the shivers, so he afterwards declared.

Mr. William Dogg, M.P., and Mr. Henry Toad, M.P., arrived arm in arm. Close on their heels Professor Sea Serpent came in very briskly, carrying a large valise full of eye-glasses, which he hastily distributed among the guests, explaining that he thought this was an opportunity not to be lost, as it might lead to business some day.

Now Cock Robin hopped up the stairs, and tripping over Sir Solomon's tail, entered the nursery with great _éclat_.

"Is the Dove coming?" whispered Freda, to the smart little bird. "Oh, I hope so."

"Yes, if she can get dressed," returned the Robin. "She wanted to come in my motor, but I couldn't wait while she fixed her last feather. She's just behind."

And this proved to be the case, for the next minute she came in with the Sparrow, who absolutely refused to let Carlo take his cane or his bowler hat. He preferred, he said, to look after them himself.

Mortimer Max and Jolly Jack were heard to say that they should like to turn the bounder out, but just then the Keeper of the Money Box came in, and they forgot the fussy little Sparrow.

The K.M.B. was a cheerful looking Golliwog, and he had the Money Box under his arm. Not that there was anything in it--he carefully explained--but it would be such a dreadful thing if it happened to get lost, because, of course, if there were no Money Box to Keep, he would be bound to lose his job.

Quite a troop of guests arrived now.

John James grew rosy with excitement, and the children rushed to and fro, talking to the extremely funny folk, who seemed bent on wishing themselves and everybody else "A Merry Christmas."

Father Neptune, Mr. Merry Codfish, Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt, M.P., and a melancholy Billikins, all arrived together, and were suitably received by John James. After that there was a terrific noise below, then a sound as if a small army was marching up the stairs.

"What can it be?" cried Lady Seal nervously, taking out a bottle of Eau de Cologne and dabbing her face with it.

"Not robbers, I hope!" said Father Neptune jovially, beaming on everyone as he spoke.

The stampede came nearer. Suddenly music struck up, and then the Frogland Brass Band came marching in, playing "Land of Bogs and Marshes." They arranged themselves near the fireplace, where Mr. Henry Toad, with his thumbs stuck in his waistcoat pockets, was having a heated argument with Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt.

"My dear, sir, what the working frog really wants, is----"

The rest of the sentence was lost, for the guests were still arriving in droves, and John James now suggested a game of musical chairs to fill in time till everybody had come.

The Frogland Brass Band kindly obliged with a spirited rendering of "The Sea-Shells of Fish Town." The last traces of shyness very quickly vanished, and the guests leaped and danced, and hopped and flopped round the chairs with alarming velocity.

The game proceeded in the usual way, until only Lady Seal and Tommy were left marching round the last chair.

Tommy had rather enjoyed the game, but Lady Seal was so very fat, that when the music suddenly stopped, she lost her balance, tried to recover herself by clutching at Tommy's jacket, and finally fell sprawling, with Tommy and the chair on the top of her.

Sir Solomon was laughing so much at his wife's exploits that he could scarcely help her to rise. When, however, she was comfortably settled in a corner of the sofa, and the Dove had lent her a bottle of smelling salts, John James asked Professor Sea Serpent if he would favour the company with a few conjuring tricks.

This request was loudly applauded, and though, at first, the Professor protested that he had forgotten--absolutely forgotten--all the tricks he ever knew, he was presently prevailed upon to take up his stand at one end of the nursery, with a small table in front of him.

Bowing very low, he first asked whether any gentleman had brought such a thing as an ear trumpet.

"Yes," said the Sparrow officiously, and without so much as saying "By your leave," he seized Peter Bunney's trumpet and handed it up to the conjuror.

"And now," proceeded Professor Sea Serpent, "will any gentleman lend me a bowler hat?"

"Here! Here!" cried Peter, taking the Sparrow's hat out of his claw before anyone could speak.

"Here's a hat! Here's a hat!"

He glared at the Sparrow, and the Sparrow glared back at him.

The Professor then asked John James if he could be accommodated with a screen, and the ingenious Golliwog, assisted by Tommy, fixed up a clothes horse and threw the nursery tablecloth over it.

The Sea Serpent now borrowed Lady Seal's handkerchief, and much to her dismay he tore it into little bits and put it in the trumpet. This he carefully placed under the hat, and invited Mr. Sparrow to step up and assist him with the trick. That gentleman showed great reluctance, but he was pushed forward by Mr. Peter Bunney, and finally consented to hide himself behind the screen.

The conjuror removed the hat and picked up the trumpet. He held it aloft for a moment, whistled into it, gave it a little shake, and out fluttered Mr. Sparrow with Lady Seal's handkerchief safe and sound in his beak.

How the audience cheered and stamped, while the Professor bowed himself into hoops! When the clamour had subsided, he said he would just do one more trick, and borrowing Mr. Thomas Purr-Catt's eye-glass, he suggested that this time Mr. Peter Bunney should be his assistant.

Peter did not want to go, but the Sparrow and several others near by entered into the spirit of the joke and pushed him behind the screen.

Professor Sea Serpent held up the borrowed eyeglass to the full view of his audience, then with a sudden swish of his tail, which made everybody jump, he smashed it into little bits, and put the fragments into Mr. Sparrow's hat.

Mr. Purr-Catt tried to appear unconcerned, but Gladys noticed that his tail was swinging furiously.

The Professor waved the hat to and fro, covered it with a black cloth, repeated some magic words, and lo and behold, Mr. Peter Bunney popped out of the hat with the eyeglass, well polished and with a new chain on it, in his eye!

Thomas purred with satisfaction when he got it back safely, and the company laughed and clapped till they were tired.

Mr. Bunney wiped his trumpet very carefully, and put it back in the bag, saying he was afraid he should never be able to use it again; and Mr. Sparrow asked Father Neptune in a loud whisper, whether he knew of a really good disinfectant because if not he should have to join the hatless brigade.

John James now asked Mr. Merry Codfish to sing, and immediately all the guests clamoured for "The Funniest Fish in the Sea."

Mr. Codfish, who had been sucking a voice jujube all the evening, now removed it, and stood upon the Money Box. Then bowing very gracefully, he sang his favourite song in his best style.

Just as the applause was dying down, and everyone was feeling very merry, there was a sort of shuffle outside the door, and Carlo announced "Mr. Hairy Octopus."

He was the very Octopus who _would_ stretch himself when the procession at Fish Town was going by.

To-day, however, he appeared to be very much subdued, for he kept his arms close to his sides, replied to John James' greeting in a hoarse whisper, and sat down on the ear trumpet.

Freda helped him up again, and found him a hassock to sit upon, and he was so very grateful that she asked him whether he happened to have seen the Dustman anywhere.

The Octopus had perched himself on the very edge of the hassock, and he shuffled nervously as he replied:

"I? No. Not at all. He won't surely be here yet."

Lady Seal giggled:

"Poor fellow!" she whispered. "How nervous he is. But then, he's all arms and legs."

"I hope the Dustman is coming," repeated Freda loudly. "He is such a very delightful person."

The Octopus stared at her. Then he chuckled as if she had said something funny. Before she could ask what it was, John James held up his hand.

"Hark!" he said. "I can hear something."

He rushed to the window, threw it open and leaned out. It was a fine starry night, clear and cold, and a curious whirr-whirr could be distinctly heard.

Everyone who could find room followed John James' example, and hung out of the window to see what it was. Gladys and Father Neptune were in the front row, while Freda and the Octopus pressed close behind them. Thomas Purr-Catt, Peter Bunney, and Mr. Merry Codfish craned their necks to the utmost, but poor Tommy who had Lady Seal clinging to his arm brought up the rear, and could not see anything at all.

The whirr came nearer.

"Ah!" cried John James suddenly, for a twinkling light like a moving star was gradually descending, and in a few minutes the eager crowd of excited folk could plainly see that an aeroplane was rapidly approaching.

Nearer and nearer it came, until they could see that the shape of it was something like a huge sleigh, with carved heads of reindeer upon the propellers, and standing in the midst of it was an old, old man with flowing garments and a long white beard.

"Father Christmas!" shrieked Freda and Gladys together. "Oh, it is! It is! Father Christmas himself!"

A shout went up from all the guests, a mighty cheer, ringing out into the still frosty air, "Father Christmas!"

Then the aeroplane descended, Father Christmas anchored it to the window sill, and a host of eager hands were outstretched to pull him in.

There was still another surprise in store. Father Neptune had been keenly interested in the proceedings, and suddenly he startled everybody by shouting at the very top of his voice:

"Welcome, Brother Christmas!"

"Dear me! Dear me!" cried Father Christmas. "So it is! My long lost--but never forgotten--Brother Neptune."

And the two old men fell on each other's necks and executed a sort of two-step. It was so many, many years since they had met!

All this time a loud commotion had been going on outside.

"Bless my heart!" said Father Christmas, turning to John James. "You really must forgive me, sir. I quite forgot it. I have a party of your guests with me, and they can't get out. Ha! ha! I was starting on my usual rounds, and offered them a free passage. Never travelled by air in their lives before. Locked 'em in my sack, or some of 'em would have been jumping overboard. Will somebody lift my sack in?"

Of course everyone ran to the window again, and here the Octopus was really useful, for he wrapped his arms and legs round the bulky thing, and dragged it in by main force.

The din was horrible. Such a shrieking and calling from the Toys locked in the bag, while Father Christmas fumbled in all his pockets. He drew out pieces of string, nails, five glass marbles, a knife with a corkscrew in it, half an apple and a piece of orange peel--because he was still a boy at heart--but no key!

"I must have lost it," he said at last. "And it's a very special lock. It can't be forced. What are we going to do?"

The whole party crowded round the sack, and such a hub-hub took place that Father Neptune stopped up his ears, and Sir Solomon called "Order! Order!"

No one seemed aware that two more guests had just come. It was Gladys who first saw them. Selina Starchup and her husband were standing before her, and the Fat Doll held out a tiny embroidered handkerchief.

"You dropped it at the Exhibition," he said.

"Thank you," said Gladys, and as she took it, she felt a small hard substance in the corner.

In an instant she knew what it was.

"John James!" she called across the room. "John James, here's the Magic Key!"

"Hurrah! Hurrah!" shouted the Golliwog.

"Hip-hip-Hooray!" cried the hilarious guests. "The Magic Key will open any lock."

Quick as thought, Father Christmas fitted it into the lock, and out popped a Teddy Bear, then a Golliwog, followed by a crowd of Dolls, ever so many Toy Monkeys, an Elephant, a fat Camel eating dates, and a Jack-in-the-Box.

Then there was a chorus of _How-do-you-do's_ and _Pleased-to-meet-you's_!

The Fat Doll pirouetted round the room, while Selina clung to her husband's coat tails, trying vainly to subdue his high spirits.

"Let me go!" he cried. "Let me go my dear! I'm out at a party. A real Christmas party, and no mistake!"

"I can't stop long," remarked Father Christmas, "I've got a lot to do to-night. Don't mention the word Stocking to me, or I shall be off like a shot."

"Christmas seems to be a busy time to so many people," whispered Freda to Gladys. "You see, that dear Dustman hasn't come after all."

"Hush!" said Gladys. "Listen to John James."

"You must really stay to supper," the Editor was telling Father Christmas. Then he rang the bell, and when Carlo appeared, he requested that supper should be served immediately.

"It's ready now, sir," said Carlo, polishing a spoon on the front of his waistcoat.

So everybody trooped into the next room where a long table was set out with every kind of appetising fare.

A huge Christmas Tree, hung with lighted candles, was in the middle of the room, and from the top of the Tree trailed a red and white streamer, bearing across it in large letters the familiar words:

THE GOLLIWOG NEWS.

Father Neptune and Father Christmas sat side by side. John James occupied the head of the table with Gladys on his right hand and Lady Seal on his left, and the other guests arranged themselves as they liked.

There never was such a Christmas party before nor since. Crackers were pulled, jokes were cracked. Father Neptune related a long rambling story about a young Periwinkle he had once known, and Father Christmas capped it with another, about a careless Comet who lost his tail.

When full justice had been done to the costly viands, and the pleasant meal drew to a close, Father Neptune rose and proposed a toast--"_Success to the Golliwog News_," which was heartily received, and drunk by all present, in salt water or fresh, according to personal taste.

Then John James rose to reply.

It was a curious scene. The light from the hundreds of candles flared upon the eager faces of the guests as they turned towards the talented and gifted Editor.

"Beloved friends and supporters of _The Golliwog News_----"

He paused, for the door was suddenly thrown open, and a tall, thin individual carrying a Gladstone Bag, came in.

"The _dear_ Dustman!" cried Freda, jumping up to welcome him.

But consternation was written upon the faces of the guests.

"Not yet! Not yet!" they cried in chorus.

"We aren't nearly ready for you yet!"

For answer, the Dustman began to extinguish the candles.

Dimmer and Dimmer grew the room, until only the light of the last candle flickered on the merry face of Father Christmas.

Then the Dustman put it out.

THE END.

GIBBS AND SONS, 42 & 43 PALACE STREET,
CANTERBURY.

SPECIAL EDITION.

The Golliwog News

Circulating in Toy-Town-on-Sea, Dolls House City, Kitten Town, Poodleton, Birdland City and Fish Town.

SPECIAL SUPPLEMENT.

Messrs. S. W. Partridge and Co., Old Bailey, London, E.C.

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LOST.

LOST--The Magic Key, in the grounds of the Teddio-Golliwog Exhibition. Finder returning same to Miss Gladys will be rewarded.

LOST--By the Chief Mermaid in the procession at Fish Town, a very valuable brush and comb. Finder will be suitably recompensed.

FATHER TIME offers to add fifty years to the age of any person giving information that will lead to the capture of the thief who stole his hour glass while he was having dinner at the Exhibition.

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MISCELLANEOUS.

VISITORS to Toy Town-on-Sea can get good teas and dinners at the Hotel Golliwog, near the Sea Front.

SECOND Edition.--"The Needs of the Working Frog," by Henry Toad, Esq., M.P.--Copies on application to the Author, 67, Marshgate, Frogland.

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MUSICAL.

MR. BARKER PUPP teaches Singing and Voice Production by entirely new methods; visits and bites pupils. Moonlight sonatas in three lessons.--153, Growl Lane, Poodleton.

MR. MERRY CODFISH, the efficient finny entertainer is open to accept a limited number of engagements for parties, etc.--Apply, 16, Mackeral Row, Scaly Plaice, Fish Town.

COPIES of all Songs sung by Mr. Merry Codfish and Mr. Barker Pupp can be obtained at Messrs. Bleak and Brill's Music Stores, Fish Town.

FROGLAND Brass Band comprising forty members has a few dates vacant for select parties.--Apply, Bandmaster, Frogland.

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ARTICLES WANTED.

WANTED to Purchase cheaply, a Second-hand Watering Can.--Write, in first instance, "Poor Papa," Office of this Paper.

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BUSINESSES, PARTNERSHIPS, ETC.

MILK Business for Sale--Good reason for selling (no customers)--Apply, Mrs. Catt, Mew Road, Kitten Town.

PARTNERSHIP.--Teddy Bear capitalist wanted with 5d., to join another in putting on the market a novelty which will sell at sight.--Box 464, Golliwog News.

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PERSONAL.

WILL the pretty Polliwog in picture hat who sat next to Teddy Bear at the Dolls Opera House last night please write to T.B., c/o Golliwog News.

WILL any eye witnesses who saw large Octopus pushing Lemon Soles through plate glass window after the Royal procession at Fish Town, kindly communicate with Messrs. Shark and Shark, Solicitors, Fish Town.

WANTED to borrow 2d. by business Billikins in financial difficulties; good security given, in confidence.--Box 1229, Golliwog News.

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APARTMENTS.

TOY Town-on-Sea.--Comfortable Apartments, five minutes from Railway Station, close to sea; tide washes kitchen windows twice daily.--Terms, Stamp, "Sea View."

LODGINGS to Let for two respectable Teddies, who would be willing to share the same cup and saucer; every comfort.--Box 3764, Golliwog News.

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ARTICLES FOR SALE.

EAR TRUMPET for disposal, owner having no further use for same; would exchange for all old numbers of the Golliwog News.--Apply, P.B. "The Burrows."

GENT'S HAT for Sale, good as new. Apply, personally, to Mr. Sparrow, Hall-in-the-Wood, Birdland City.

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SITUATIONS VACANT.

PLAIN Pollywog Cook wanted, the plainer the better; no windows, no boots, no knives, no washing, no followers, no day out, no wages.--Apply, Mrs. Jolly Jack, "The Nest," Dolls House City.

ENERGETIC Teddy (just leaving school) wanted as Office Boy, must keep face clean. Apply, W. P. Mole, 16, High Street, Dolls House City.

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SITUATIONS WANTED.

REFORMED Shark seeks post as Footman, speaks good English; could buttle if required.--Write, R.S., Golliwog News Office.

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CAN YOU
READ
THIS?
If not, consult:
PROFESSOR SEE SERPENT,
EYE SPECIALIST.
No. 15, Periwinkle Street, Fish Town.

Visits Dolls House City every
Friday.

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HALL-IN-THE-WOOD.

The Most Up-to-Date
and spacious
Playhouse in Birdland City.

EVERY NIGHT, AT 8.15,
The Management will present:

Who Killed Cock Robin?

A Drama in Two Acts.

Box Office open 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Times and Prices as usual.

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GOLLIWOG & TEDDY BEAR
RAILWAY.

DAY AT THE SEASIDE.

On Wednesday Next

A
CHEAP EXCURSION
will be run as under to
TOY-TOWN-ON-SEA,

from the under-mentioned
Stations:--

Dolls House City . . . 8. 1
Kitten Town . . . . . 8. 8
Poodleton . . . . . . 8.16

Arriving at:
Toy-Town . . . . . . . 10. 5
Return Train . . . . . 9.15

No Paper Bags or other Luggage
allowed.

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WILLIAM DOGG & CO.

Under Distinguished Patronage.

RAT AND VERMIN
DESTROYERS.

Premises Visited . . . Advice
given.
Large Staff of Worriers kept.
Warranted to Worry Well.

Telegrams: Worryem,
THE KENNELS, WEST DOGTON.

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GOLLIWOG CUP FINAL.

KITTEN TOWN
versus
POODLETON,
on the
Dolls House City Ground.

Kick-Off at 3.30 p.m.

Special Excursions from all parts
by the G. & T. B. R.

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W. PLUSH MOLE,

DEALER in all kinds of FURS.

_Note the Address_--
No. 16, HIGH STREET,
DOLLS HOUSE CITY.

Reached from all parts by the
G. & T.B. Underground.

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TEDDIO-GOLLIWOG

EXHIBITION

Lighted by Ten Thousand Lanterns.

OPEN ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT.

See THE SECOND FIDDLE
See THE LITTLE PITCHERS
See THE JOLLYWOGGLE
See THE MAGIC CORRIDOR

DOLLS HOUSE CITY.

Special Excursions from all Parts

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TRY OUR FAMOUS

Mouse-Scented Soap:

"LICK-LICK."

Awarded Gold Medal in Teddio-
Golliwog Exhibition.

SPECIALLY RECOMMENDED
FOR

PERSIANS.

Fur Will not Roll on the Tongue.
Clean, Comfortable, and Catty.

THOMAS PURR-CAT & CO.,
Soap Makers,
Tabby Row,
KITTEN TOWN.

Telegrams: Toiletmadeasy.
Telephone: 1044, Catter Waul.

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TIME TABLE.

GOLLIWOG AND TEDDY BEAR RAILWAY.

Dolls House City 7. 5 *7.55 8.50 †11. 0 1.20 3.30 6.40 9.20
Frogland 7.11 8. 1 8.57 10. 7 1.28 3.37 6.48 9.27
Kitten Town 7.19 8.10 9. 4 10.15 1.38 3.48 6.56 9.34
Poodleton 7.29 8.19 9.13 ... 1.49 3.58 7. 7 9.43
West Dogton 7.42 8.32 9.27 A 2. 4 ‡4.13 ‡7.23 9.57
Birdland City 7.59 8.40 9.35 ... 2.13 4.22 7.32 10. 5
Fish Town 9.17 11.50 12. 0 1.10 4.43 6.21 S.S. 9.55
Toy Town 9.20 11.53 ... 2.15 5.10 6.40 ... 10. 0

* Market train.
† Express.
‡ Saturdays only.

A Stops to Pick up passengers for Toy Town.

S.S. Stops at Fish Town on Sats.

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The Golliwog News.

OFFICE:
DOLLS HOUSE CITY.

POLLYWOG'S WEAKNESS.

MUCH TOO FOND OF JAM.

A Pollywog was summoned at the Dolls House City Petty Sessions to-day for stealing jam from Miss Freda Morris' Nursery Stores.

Mr. Jolly Jack described how he found a jammy spoon on the stairs, afterwards tracing the jam to a jar under the Pollywog's bed.

The prisoner sobbed bitterly and said she had no father or mother. She admitted that she was very fond of jam, and that she was accustomed to sit up in bed and eat it with a spoon.

Mr. Justice Max said she would be sent to a Training Home for Young Polliwogs.

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THE DOLLS' PARLIAMENT

REGRETTABLE INCIDENT.

Dolls' Nursing Bill Passed

There was great excitement at the Dolls' Parliament last night, when the Nursing of Dolls Bill became law, and it will interest our readers to know that it is now a punishable offence to nurse a Doll for more than two hours at a time.

There was a large and fashionable gathering present to watch the closing stages.

Mr. Henry Toad, the Member for East Frogland, croaked to such good purpose that he carried all the Members of the Froggie benches with him.

Mr. Toad is a polished gentleman of the world, and his croakings were listened to with much interest.

Mr. Thomas Purr-Cat mewed very lustily in favour of the Bill.

It will be remembered that Mr. Purr-Cat was recently returned for Kitten Town with a large majority, chiefly because of the views he held on fish.

A regrettable incident took place when Mr. William Dogg, head of the well-known firm of rat-worriers, put forward remarks which caused considerable disturbance in the House.

It was resented by all parties that Mr. Dogg apparently desired to use his undoubted gifts for an unlawful purpose.

The objectionable statement being withdrawn, order was very quickly restored, but it was noted that as Mr. Dogg sat down he wore a "worried" look.

The Member for Dolls House City (Mr. Mortimer Max) made the speech of the evening. He asserted boldly that Miss Gladys had a habit of slapping him on the head.

This lady, who was present and heard the statement, threatened to settle with him later, but whether she has done so or not our representatives have been unable to find out.

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FATALITY AT FISH TOWN.

CHEAP JACK EATEN

"Reformed" Shark's Rash Act.

MILITARY CALLED OUT.

[FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.]

FISH TOWN.

A shocking fatality occurred at Fish Town to-day.

The "Reformed" Shark has killed and eaten the Cheap Jack, and absconded with the recipe for making the famous Seaweed Cough Juice.

Last night he first alarmed the Cheap Jack by approbating and adorning himself with that gentleman's cheap jewellery.

Then he swallowed the remaining bottles of cough mixture and attacked and robbed the Cheap Jack of the valuable recipe.

Having secured the recipe he calmly made a meal of the unfortunate Pike, and then left the town before suspicions were aroused.

The First Battalion Walrus Dragoons (King Neptune's Own) were ordered out immediately and are now in hot pursuit. "Fighting" Lobbs has also received instructions to hold his regiment in readiness if called upon.

The departure of the Crab Guards from Fish Town to Dolls House City has also been indefinitely postponed, and the Mounted Plaice are being rapidly mobilized.

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THREE LOST BROTHERS

AND THEIR HAPPY
RE-UNION.

Our many readers will be glad to know that the recent Christmas party, given by the "Golliwog News" served at least one very useful purpose. We refer to the meeting of Father Christmas and Father Neptune--the long lost brothers.

It is a source of great satisfaction to us to know that we have been able to perform such a great public service. These very interesting and widely known old fellows had not met since their infancy, and their meeting was a very affecting one.

The near relationship of these famous old gentlemen will come as a complete surprise, but we have still another extraordinary circumstance to disclose.

We have since learnt that Father Time is also a member of the very same family, and if he had not been prevented from attending our party, owing to a very bad attack of gout, the three of them would have met under our roof.

We are glad to state, however, that they have met together entirely as a result of the enquiries we set afoot, and have celebrated their re-union with a sort of "house warming" or "wake."

It is most unique that three members of one family should rise to such eminence in the land, and we have great pleasure in placing that fact upon record.

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MR. ALGERNON BILLIKINS.

Mr. Algernon Billikins has recently passed the Toy Town matric with honours. This interesting piece of news is calculated to astonish every one of our many readers, as the gentle man was hitherto thought to be insane.

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THE TOY TOWN POETESS.

Mrs. Selina Starchup, who is a frequent contributor to our "Poet's Corner," and who seldom speaks except in rhyme, is publishing a small volume of verse early next year.

Lovers of this gifted lady's verse have long wanted a collection of her miscellaneous work brought out in volume form, and the publishers inform us that a huge demand is anticipated.

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MR. WILLIAM DOGG, M.P.

MISSING SINCE YESTERDAY.

The senior member of the firm of Messrs. Dogg and Co. left home yesterday on a rat-worrying expedition and has not been seen or heard of since.

If he does not return this will prove a sad blow to West Dogton which he represents in Parliament.

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WOOD LIMBO CONCERT.

ACCIDENT TO FAT DOLL.

[FROM OUR OWN CORRESPONDENT.]

TOY TOWN.

The annual concert in aid of that deserving charity, the Wood Limbo Hospital Fund, was held last night at Toy Town.

It is well known that this splendid institution provides free arms and legs for Dolls in reduced circumstances, and is worthy of the warmest support.

The concert was well attended, and a very high-class entertainment was given. Amongst the performers were such popular artistes as Mr. Barker Pupp, Mr. Merry Codfish and Professor Sea Serpent.

We regret having to announce an unfortunate accident which took place during Professor Sea Serpent's amusing tricks. A Fat Doll who, with his wife Selina, occupied a private box, laughed so heartily that he broke his mainspring and was at once conveyed to the Wood Limbo Hospital, where he was detained.

We learn on going to press that owing to his wiry constitution he is likely to recover.

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THE SCARECROW'S TRICK

We hear that Mr. Scarecrow played an amusing trick on the Coroner and Jury last week.

It is said that none of the Jury have been near his field since, which we can well believe.

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OLD "BOOTS" IN TROUBLE.

FLOGGED AND DEPORTED.

A respectably dressed gentleman, answering to the name of "Old Boots" appeared before the Magistrates yesterday at Dolls House City on a charge of "squeaking."

It was stated in Court that the old chap was always offending in this respect, and that he had been convicted so many times that the police were tired of arresting him.

However, they were obliged to take him into custody on this occasion because he persisted in creating the form of disturbance complained of in the grounds of the Teddio-Golliwog Exhibition.

Prisoner "squeaked" so much when being brought into the dock that the Magistrates who had been provided with tea cosies, covered up their heads and sentenced prisoner, without even so much as glancing at him, to be flogged as an incorrigible rogue and deported.

After prisoner had been removed to the cells, the Magistrates uncovered their ears and remarked that the severity of the punishment should go a long way towards ridding the country of such pests.

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ARREST OF POLLYWOG.

A Pollywog was brought up at Dolls House City yesterday before Mr. Justice Max, charged with creating a breach of the peace, and threatening the Prime Minister with a green and violet flag.

She was, needless to say, a militant leader in the Votes for Pollywogs movement, and was sentenced to six months' imprisonment.

We learn, as we go to press, that the prisoner refused to eat the prison fare--marmalade and pickles--and was consequently released this morning.

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PUNCH AND JUDY SHOW.

The Proprietors of the Toy Town Punch and Judy Show beg to inform their numerous and esteemed patrons that the infamous person known as Edward Bear, recently in their employ as Dog Toby, has now ceased to have any connection with them, and is not authorised to collect or receive monies on their behalf.

With regard to the report that the performances at the show are to be discontinued, the Proprietors further state that it is absolutely untrue, and that they have been fortunate in securing the services of Mr. Biter Pupp (son of the well-known singer), whose realistic representation of the immortal Dog Toby, leaves nothing to be desired.

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THE GOLD BUTTON TRIAL

PRISONER'S DISGUISE.

Escape from Toy Cupboard.

CAUGHT AT TOY TOWN.

[FROM OUR SPECIAL
CORRESPONDENT AT THE COURT.]

Mr. Tommy Stapleton's Teddy Bear was brought before Mr. Justice Max at Dolls House City Police Court to-day, charged with cutting off the gold buttons from Mr. Jolly Jack's coat, while at Miss Gladys' birthday party.

The story of the discovery of the theft was told by Mr. Tommy Stapleton; how the artful Bear had hidden the buttons under his coat and then tried to make believe they were nuts.

He also told how Teddy was put into the toy cupboard, and of the further discovery of his escape later.

At this point the Bear volunteered the information that, with the assistance of Mr. Billikins, he secreted himself in the Dolls' cradle, first turning out the Nigger Twins who were both fast asleep. Then when the cradle was removed next morning, by Jane, the housemaid, he made good his escape and fled to Toy Town, disguised as a Dog-Toby.

A Golliwog Policeman: "Shall I arrest the Billikins, your Honour?"

Mr. Justice Max: "Certainly not. You know very well that he is insane."

Miss Gladys next told how when at Toy Town with Miss Freda Morris, they discovered the Bear, who was quickly captured and taken to Toy-Town Gaol.

In reply to a question from Mr. Justice Max, Mr. Tommy Stapleton said that his Bear played truant from school just when he thought proper, and sometimes he stayed out all night.

"What a bad Teddy you are," said Mr. Justice Max gravely. "I shall send you to Toy-Town Reformatory until you are a better Bear."

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ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

AGED POLLYWOG INTERVIEWED.

Mrs. Mary Ann James, of Dolls House City, celebrated her 100th birthday on Monday last.

It is interesting to note that the old lady is the great-grand-parent of the Editor of this Journal. She is in perfectly good health and can see to read "The Golliwog News" without glasses.

The old lady believes her long life is due to the fact that she always goes to bed early, sucks an acid drop before going to sleep, and reads no other paper but "The Golliwog News."

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GOLLIWOG CUP FINAL.

POODLETON v. KITTEN TOWN.

Great Win for the Poodles.

The final match for the greatly prized Golliwog Cup took place on Saturday last, when it was apparently a case of all roads leading to the Dolls House City Football Ground, for nearly everybody went to see the game.

The rival teams, Poodleton and Kitten Town, were very evenly matched, but after a hard fought game the Poodles carried off the trophy by one goal to nil.

The strength of the two clubs, as shown by their positions in the Golliwog League, which we give below, is an indication what a splendid game took place.

THE GOLLIWOG LEAGUE.

Pd. W. D. L. Pt.

Poodleton ........... 10 8 2 0 18
Kitten Town Tabbies 10 8 2 0 18
Frogland Jumpers .... 9 5 2 2 12
Fish Town ........... 9 3 5 1 11
Toy Town Toys ....... 10 3 3 4 9
Teddy Bear Rovers ... 8 4 0 4 8
Dolls House City .... 10 3 0 7 6

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COMEDIANS' BEREAVEMENT.

We regret to announce that the only brother of Mr. Merry Codfish has been caught and sold as an article of diet.

Mr. Merry Codfish has consequently gone into mourning, and will not appear in public for at least six months.

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OUR POETS' CORNER.

ADELIZA'S DREAM.

She dreamt she bit the Teddy Bear.
And pinched the Nigger Twins.
She pulled Toy Monkey's wiry hair,
And slapped the Billikins.
Then all the woolly hairy crew
Miss Gladys loved so dearly.
She flung as far as Timbuctoo,--
Up to the moon--or nearly!

And then she dreamed Miss Gladys smiled,
And loved her all the day,
"My only darling precious child,
My Adeliza May!"
You're better far than Teddy Bears,
Or dusky Nigger Twins:
I hate the grinning face he wears
That horrid Billikins.

Alas! The bell for nursery tea!
She woke and shook herself.
Saw Teddy and the proud Monkey,
The Billikins and Niggers wee,
Were on Miss Gladys' lap--and SHE
WAS ON THE NURSERY SHELF!

SELINA STARCHUP.

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FIRST TILE CONCERT.

Miss Spottikins asks us to announce that her first tile concert of the season will be held on Thursday next, and is open to all lovers of the refined and beautiful in tile music. The performance will commence at 7. Sparrows and mice at 8.30. Carriages at 10.

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GOLLIWOGLAND MUSEUM.

SOME RECENT ADDITIONS.

The gold buttons stolen from Mr. Jolly Jack's coat have now been placed in the Royal Golliwogland Museum.

Another interesting addition is a Pollywog's green and violet flag, with which, it is alleged, the Pollywog tried to strike the Prime Minister.

But perhaps the most valuable possession of recent times, is a Comet's tail, which has been preserved in spirit at enormous cost.

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MISS MAY'S MARRIAGE.

It has only just leaked out that Miss Adeliza May was married last week to Mr. Jolly Jack. The event took place quietly, the ceremony being performed by Miss Gladys, assisted by Miss Freda Morris.

Miss Spottikins made a very charming bridesmaid dressed up in Freda's hat and cloak, and Mr. Billikins acted as best man with his accustomed dignity and distinction.

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THE KEEPER OF THE M.B.

The Keeper of the Money-Box left Dolls House City yesterday to spend the week-end in the country.

It is rumoured that he packed the M.B. with his silk hat, and the valuable receptacle passed unnoticed.

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WHO KILLED COCK ROBIN

Who killed Cock Robin? Why the Sparrow of course.

If you haven't seen the play in two acts now being performed at the Hall-in-the-Wood, Birdland City, you really ought.

Gladys and Tommy and Freda were there last night and a very fine time they had. The play is drawing crowded houses every night and is having a decided spell of popularity.

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MESSENGER BOY'S HEROISM.

OF THE R.S.P.C.E.

Master Henry Bruin, aged thirteen years, has been awarded a gold medal by the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Elephants.

This brave little fellow was returning home after delivering an important message from the Prime Minister to the Editor of "The Golliwog News," when he saw an aged and infirm Elephant endeavouring to get out of the way of a tram car.

The heartless driver seemed to take pleasure in running down and startling invalid Toys, and the Elephant in question was obliged to abandon his crutches and hurry to a place of safety without them.

Master Bruin, at great personal risk, darted into the road and secured the crutches, thereby preventing a suspicious looking Golliwog, with a coster's barrow, from appropriating them.

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MISSED THE EXCURSION.

A little Teddy Bear in brown knickers, clasping a spade and bucket in ids hands, was discovered asleep in the waiting room at Toy Town station after the return excursion train had left.

When awakened by a friendly porter, the poor little fellow cried bitterly, and asked to be taken to his daddy.

Fortunately, he was identified by a brass trouser button, and sent to his distracted parents by the next train, which happened to be the last that night.

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TOY TOWN EXCURSION.

MR. BARKER PUFF'S BIG HIT.

The last excursion of the season to Toy-Town-on-Sea was well patronized last week. Nearly everybody went, and a right merry time they had on the sands. Gladys, Tommy and Freda were all there.

Mr. Barker Pupp made a big hit with his song, "The Yellow Butterfly." In fact he hit Tommy Stapleton very hard. It is freely stated that Tommy was in a blue funk, and that he was greatly relieved when he found that the crowd which followed him was only running to catch the train?

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SIR SOLOMON'S HOLIDAY.

Sir Solomon and Lady Seal have left Fish Town for a brief stay in the North. Sir Solomon is badly in need of rest after his arduous public duties.

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CONFINED TO BARRACKS.

We learn that Shelliback of the Lobster Fusiliers, has been confined to Barracks for neglecting to salute his superior officer, "Fighting Lobbs."

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WITHOUT A TICKET.

The Nigger Twins were fined at Dolls House City Police Court to-day for riding on the G. & T.B.R. without having paid their fare.

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PARTNERSHIP.

Mr. Peter Bunney is entering into partnership with Mr. Plush Mole, the celebrated furrier, and the business is to be carried on under the name of Bunney and Mole.

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LOST LUGGAGE.

Mr. Camel who was indiscreet enough to travel with luggage on Christmas Eve, lost a large consignment of dates, and has got the hump in consequence.

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FOR YOUNG FRY.

Professor Walruzzio has compiled a pianoforte-tutor which should prove itself a golden guide to young fry with musical proclivities. The book is published by Messrs. Bleak & Brill, and the price is half-a-neptune, net.

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Father Neptune's Treasure

BY

PHILIP & FAY INCHFAWN.

A fascinating story of Gladys, Freda and Tommy, with their little friend, John James, under the sea.

To begin with, the children are told by Father Neptune that his Castle is haunted! And then commences the unravelling of the mystery,--which proves a very exciting business,--and the chase of the intruder in the castle vaults.

The Sea King's sunken treasure ships are next the scene of action, and the story describes the children's journey on Dolphin-back, and the discovery and capture of a giant Saw-fish rifling the treasure chests.

Following this, Father Neptune suddenly and mysteriously vanishes. The children and the under-sea folk are at their wits end, but John James lights upon a daring plot which seeks to remove the Sea Monarch from his throne.

While following up the clues the children and the Golliwog also disappear, but thanks to a very queer friend, the Hermit Crab, tidings of their whereabouts are forthcoming. Mrs. Lobbs also supplies a valuable clue.

The chapters dealing with the discovery of the robbers' cave, where the children and the Sea King have been imprisoned, and the recovery of Father Neptune's stolen treasure are absorbingly interesting.

The story is told with a quaint humour that is irresistibly entertaining.

There are eight illustrations on art paper by

F. C. WARD.

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Cloth board 3/6 net.

S. W. PARTRIDGE AND Co., LTD., Old Bailey, E.C.

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Father Neptune's Diamond

BY

PHILIP & FAY INCHFAWN.

Another delightful story of the three children and John James, the Golliwog, describing their adventures searching for the blue diamond--lost from Father Neptune's crown.

All our old friends, Mr. Merry Codfish, Professor Sea Serpent, Fighting Lobbs, Sir Solomon and Lady Seal and many other equally "queer fish" appear again.

Various clues are followed in their efforts to trace the diamond, some are amusing, and some are thrilling, but, perhaps the most exciting part of the story deals with the capture of John James by the Flying Fish.

The Golliwog is locked in the cabin of a sunken galleon, and through the port-hole, the history of a deeply laid plot--which includes the destruction of Fish Town--is revealed to him by the Fiddler Crab. These Flyers of the deep, apparently, have Fish Town at their mercy, but their plot is frustrated and brought to failure by Tommy's plans.

The defeat of Commander Saw, the story of the volcano under the sea, the ultimate return of John James, and the final recovery of the diamond make a fascinating tale.

----------------

There are twenty illustrations by THOMAS MAYBANK, in which he pictures various amusing and thrilling incidents throughout the book.

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Cloth board 3/6 net.

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