Chapter XX: Preface: To Poor Richard, 1739

KIND READER,

Encouraged by thy former Generosity, I once more present thee with an Almanack, which is the 7th of my Publication. While thou art putting Pence in my Pocket, and furnishing my Cottage with necessaries, _Poor Dick_ is not unmindful to do something for thy Benefit. The Stars are watch'd as narrowly as old _Bess_ watch'd her Daughter, that thou mayst be acquainted with their Motions, and told a Tale of their Influences and Effects, which may do thee more good than a Dream of last Year's Snow.

Ignorant Men wonder how we Astrologers foretell the Weather so exactly, unless we deal with the old black Devil. Alas! 'tis as easy as ****** For Instance; The Stargazer peeps at the Heavens thro' a long Glass: He sees perhaps TAURUS, or the great Bull, in a mighty Chafe, stamping on the Floor of his House, swinging his Tail about, stretching out his Neck, and opening wide his Mouth. 'Tis natural from these Appearances to judge that this furious Bull is puffing, blowing and roaring. Distance being consider'd and Time allow'd for all this to come down, there you have Wind and Thunder. He spies perhaps VIRGO (or the Virgin;) she turns her Head round as it were to see if any body observ'd her; then crouching down gently, with her Hands on her Knees, she looks wistfully for a while right forward. He judges rightly what she's about: And having calculated the Distance and allow'd Time for its Falling, finds that next Spring we shall have a fine _April_ shower. What can be more natural and easy than this? I might instance the like in many other particulars; but this may be sufficient to prevent our being taken for Conjurors. O the wonderful Knowledge to be found in the Stars! Even the smallest Things are written there, if you had but Skill to read: When my Brother J-m-n erected a Scheme to know which was best for his sick Horse, to sup a new-laid Egg, or a little Broth, he found that the Stars plainly gave their Verdict for Broth, and the Horse having sup'd his Broth;--Now, what do you think became of that Horse? You shall know in my next.

Besides the usual Things expected in an Almanack, I hope the profess'd Teachers of Mankind will excuse my scattering here and there some instructive Hints in Matters of Morality and Religion. And be not thou disturbed, O grave and sober Reader, if among the many serious Sentences in my Book, thou findest me trifling now and then, and talking idly. In all the Dishes I have hitherto cook'd for thee, there is solid Meat enough for thy Money. There are Scraps from the Table of Wisdom, that will if well digested, yield strong Nourishment to thy Mind. But squeamish Stomachs cannot eat without Pickles; which, 'tis true are good for nothing else, but they provoke an Appetite. The Vain Youth that reads my Almanack for the sake of an idle Joke, will perhaps meet with a serious Reflection, that he may ever after be the better for.

Some People observing the great Yearly Demand for my Almanack, imagine I must by this Time have become rich, and consequently ought to call myself _Poor Dick_ no longer. But, the Case is this,

When I first begun to publish, the Printer made a fair Agreement with me for my Copies, by Virtue of which he runs away with the greatest Part of the Profit.--However, much good may't do him; I do not grudge it him; he is a Man I have a great Regard for, and I wish his Profit ten times greater than it is. For I am, dear Reader, his, as well as thy

_Affectionate Friend_
R. SAUNDERS.

A PROPOSAL

FOR PROMOTING USEFUL KNOWLEDGE AMONG THE BRITISH PLANTATIONS IN AMERICA

Philadelphia, May 14, 1743.

The English are possessed of a long tract of continent, from Nova Scotia to Georgia, extending north and south through different climates, having different soils, producing different plants, mines, and minerals, and capable of different improvements, manufactures, &c.

The first drudgery of settling new colonies, which confines the attention of people to mere necessaries, is now pretty well over; and there are many in every province in circumstances that set them at ease, and afford leisure to cultivate the finer arts and improve the common stock of knowledge. To such of these who are men of speculation, many hints must from time to time arise, many observations occur, which if well examined, pursued, and improved, might produce discoveries to the advantage of some or all of the British plantations, or to the benefit of mankind in general.

But as from the extent of the country such persons are widely separated, and seldom can see and converse or be acquainted with each other, so that many useful particulars remain uncommunicated, die with the discoverers, and are lost to mankind; it is, to remedy this inconvenience for the future, proposed,

That one society be formed of _virtuosi_ or ingenious men,
residing in the several colonies, to be called _The American
Philosophical Society_, who are to maintain a constant
correspondence.

That Philadelphia, being the city nearest the centre of the
continent colonies, communicating with all of them northward
and southward by post, and with all the islands by sea, and
having the advantage of a good growing library, be the centre
of the Society.

That at Philadelphia there be always at least seven members,
viz. a physician, a botanist, a mathematician, a chemist, a
mechanician, a geographer, and a general natural philosopher,
besides a president, treasurer, and secretary.

That these members meet once a month, or oftener, at their
own expense, to communicate to each other their observations
and experiments, to receive, read, and consider such letters,
communications, or queries as shall be sent from distant
members; to direct the dispersing of copies of such
communications as are valuable, to other distant members, in
order to procure their sentiments thereupon.

That the subjects of the correspondence be: all
new-discovered plants, herbs, trees, roots, their virtues,
uses, &c.; methods of propagating them, and making such as
are useful, but particular to some plantations, more general;
improvements of vegetable juices, as ciders, wines, &c.; new
methods of curing or preventing diseases; all new-discovered
fossils in different countries, as mines, minerals, and
quarries; new and useful improvements in any branch of
mathematics; new discoveries in chemistry, such as
improvements in distillation, brewing, and assaying of ores;
new mechanical inventions for saving labour, as mills and
carriages, and for raising and conveying of water, draining
of meadows, &c.; all new arts, trades, and manufactures, that
may be proposed or thought of; surveys, maps, and charts of
particular parts of the sea-coasts or inland countries;
course and junction of rivers and great roads, situation of
lakes and mountains, nature of the soil and productions; new
methods of improving the breed of useful animals; introducing
other sorts from foreign countries; new improvements in
planting, gardening, and clearing land; and all philosophical
experiments that let light into the nature of things, tend to
increase the power of man over matter, and multiply the
conveniences or pleasures of life.

That a correspondence, already begun by some intended
members, shall be kept up by this Society with the ROYAL
SOCIETY of London, and with the DUBLIN SOCIETY.

That every member shall have abstracts sent him quarterly, of
every thing valuable communicated to the Society's Secretary
at Philadelphia; free of all charge except the yearly payment
hereafter mentioned.

That, by permission of the postmaster-general, such
communications pass between the Secretary of the Society and
the members, postage-free.

That, for defraying the expense of such experiments as the
Society shall judge proper to cause to be made, and other
contingent charges for the common good, every member send a
piece of eight per annum to the treasurer, at Philadelphia,
to form a common stock, to be disbursed by order of the
President with the consent of the majority of the members
that can conveniently be consulted thereupon, to such persons
and places where and by whom the experiments are to be made,
and otherwise as there shall be occasion; of which
disbursements an exact account shall be kept, and
communicated yearly to every member.

That, at the first meetings of the members at Philadelphia,
such rules be formed for regulating their meetings and
transactions for the general benefit, as shall be convenient
and necessary; to be afterwards changed and improved as there
shall be occasion, wherein due regard is to be had to the
advice of distant members.

That, at the end of every year, collections be made and
printed, of such experiments, discoveries, and improvements,
as may be thought of public advantage; and that every member
have a copy sent him.

That the business and duty of the Secretary be to receive all
letters intended for the Society, and lay them before the
President and members at their meetings; to abstract,
correct, and methodize such papers as require it, and as he
shall be directed to do by the President, after they have
been considered, debated, and digested in the Society; to
enter copies thereof in the Society's books, and make out
copies for distant members; to answer their letters by
direction of the President, and keep records of all material
transactions of the Society.

Benjamin Franklin, the writer of this Proposal, offers himself to serve the Society as their secretary, till they shall be provided with one more capable.

SHAVERS AND TRIMMERS

[From the _Pennsylvania Gazette_, June 23, 1743.]

Alexander Miller, Peruke-maker, in _Second-street, Philadelphia_, takes Opportunity to acquaint his Customers, that he intends to leave off the Shaving Business after the 22d of _August_ next.

TO MR. FRANKLIN

_Sir_,

It is a common Observation among the People of _Great Britain_ and _Ireland_, that the Barbers are reverenced by the lower Classes of the Inhabitants of those Kingdoms, and in the more remote Parts of those Dominions, as the sole Oracles of Wisdom and Politicks. This at first View seems to be owing to the odd Bent of Mind and peculiar Humour of the People of those Nations: But if we carry this Observation into other Parts, we shall find the same Passion equally prevalent throughout the whole civilized World; and discover in every little Market-Town and Village the 'Squire, the Exciseman, and even the Parson himself, listening with as much Attention to a Barber's News, as they would to the profound Revelations of a Chancellor of the Exchequer, or principal Secretary of State.

Antiquity likewise will furnish us with many Confirmations of the Truth of what I have here asserted. Among the old _Romans_ the Barbers were understood to be exactly of the same Complection I have here described. I shall not trouble your Readers with a Multitude of Examples taken from Antiquity. I shall only quote one Passage in _Horace_, which may serve to illustrate the Whole, and is as follows.

Strenuus et fortis, causisq; Philippus agendis
Clarus, ab officiis octavam circiter horam
Dum redit: atq; foro nimium distare carinas
Jam grandis natu queritur, conspexit, ut aiunt,
Adrasum quendam vacuâ tonsoris in umbrâ.
Cultello proprios purgantem leniter ungues.
Hor. Epist. Lib. I. 7.

By which we may understand, that the _Tonsoris Umbra, or_ Barber's Shop, was the common Rendezvous of every idle Fellow, who had no more to do than to pair his Nails, talk Politicks, and see, and to be seen.

But to return to the Point in Question. If we would know why the Barbers are so eminent for their Skill in Politicks, it will be necessary to lay aside the Appellation of Barber, and confine ourselves to that of Shaver and Trimmer, which will naturally lead us to consider the near Relation which subsists between Shaving, Trimming and Politicks, from whence we shall discover that Shaving and Trimming is not the Province of the Mechanic alone, but that there are their several Shavers and Trimmers at Court, the Bar, in Church and State.

And first, Shaving or Trimming, in a strict mechanical Sense of the Word, signifies a cutting, sheering, lopping off, and fleecing us of those Excrescencies of Hair, Nails, Flesh, &c., which burthen and disguise our natural Endowments. And is not the same practised over the whole World, by Men of every Rank and Station? Does not the corrupt Minister lop off our Privileges and fleece us of our Money? Do not the Gentlemen of the long Robe find means to cut off those Excrescencies of the Nation, Highwaymen, Thieves and Robbers? And to look into the Church, who has been more notorious for shaving and fleecing, than that Apostle of Apostles, that Preacher of Preachers, the Rev. Mr. G. W.?[29] But I forbear making farther mention of this spiritual Shaver and Trimmer, lest I should affect the Minds of my Readers as deeply as his Preaching has affected their Pockets.

The second Species of Shavers and Trimmers are those who, according to the _English_ Phrase, _make the best of a bad Market_: Such as cover (what is called by an eminent Preacher) _their poor Dust_ in tinsel Cloaths and gaudy Plumes of Feathers. A Star, and Garter, for Instance, adds Grace, Dignity and Lustre to a gross corpulent Body; and a competent Share of religious Horror thrown into the Countenance, with proper Distortions of the Face, and the Addition of a lank Head of Hair, or a long Wig and Band, commands a most profound Respect to Insolence and Ignorance. The Pageantry of the Church of _Rome_ is too well known for me to instance: It will not however be amiss to observe, that his Holiness the Pope, when he has a Mind to fleece his Flock of a good round Sum, sets off the Matter with Briefs, Pardons, Indulgencies, &c. &c. &c.

The Third and last Kind of Shavers and Trimmers are those who (in Scripture Language) are carried away with every Wind of Doctrine. The Vicars of Bray, and those who exchange their Principles with the Times, may justly be referred to this Class. But the most odious Shavers and Trimmers of this Kind, are a certain set of Females, called (by the polite World) JILTS. I cannot give my Readers a more perfect Idea of these than by quoting the following Lines of the Poet:

Fatally fair they are, and in their Smiles
The Graces, little Loves, and young Desires inhabit:
But they are false luxurious in their Appetites,
And all the Heav'n they hope for, is Variety.
One Lover to another still succeeds,
Another and another after that,
And the last Fool is welcome as the former;
'Till having lov'd his Hour out, he gives his Place,
And mingles with the Herd that went before him.
_Rowe's Fair Penitent._

Lastly, I cannot but congratulate my Neighbours on the little Favour which is shown to Shavers and Trimmers by the People of this Province. The Business is at so low an Ebb, that the worthy Gentleman whose Advertisement I have chosen for the Motto of my Paper, acquaints us he will leave it off after the 22d of _August_ next. I am of Opinion that all possible Encouragement ought to be given to Examples of this Kind, since it is owing to this that so perfect an Understanding is cultivated among ourselves, and the Chain of Friendship is brightened and perpetuated with our good Allies, the _Indians_. The Antipathy which these sage Naturalists bear to Shaving and Trimming, is well known.

_I am, Yours, &c._

TO THE PUBLICK

* * * Causis Philippus agendis
Clarus, * * *
S. P. D.

[From the _Pennsylvania Gazette_, June 30, 1743.]

My Paper on Shavers and Trimmers, in the last _Gazette_, being generally condemn'd, I at first imputed it to the Want of Taste and Relish for Pieces of that Force and Beauty, which none but University-bred Gentlemen can _produce_: But upon Advice of Friends, whose Judgment I could depend on, I examined _myself_ and to my Shame must confess, that I found myself to be an uncircumcised Jew, whose Excrescencies of Hair, Nails, Flesh, &c. did burthen and disguise my Natural Endowments; but having my Hair and Nails since lopp'd off and shorn, and my fleshly Excrescencies circumcised, I now appear in my wonted Lustre, and expect a speedy Admission among the _Levites_, which I have already the Honour of among the Poets and Natural Philosophers. I have one Thing more to add, which is, That I had no real Animosity against the Person whose Advertisement I made the Motto of my Paper; but (as may appear to all who have been Big with Pieces of this Kind) what I had long on my Mind, I at last unburden'd myself of. O! these JILTS still run in my Mind.

N. B. The Publick perhaps may suppose this Confession forced upon me; but if they _repair_ to the P---- Pe in Second-street, they may see Me, or the Original hereof under my own Hand, and be convinced that this is genuine.