Chapter X: Part II (2)

The very favourable reception given to the ROLLIAD, and PROBATIONARY ODES, has induced the Editor to conceive, that a collection of political _Jeus d'Esprits_, by the authors of those celebrated performances, would prove equally acceptable. Various publications upon a similar plan have already been attempted; but their good things have been so scantily interspersed, that they have appeared like GRATIANO's reasons, "_as two grains of_ WHEAT _in a bushel of_ CHAFF." In the present Edition are contained not only a number of pieces which have at different times been given to the Public, but also a variety of Original Articles, which but for the flattering confidence of private friendship, would have still remained in the closets of their authors. MISCELLANIES, indeed, in any state, from the variety which they afford, must ever be attractive; but, when added to this inherent advantage, they also possess the benefit of a proper selection, their attraction must of necessity become materially enhanced. The fame of the Authors of the following sheets is too well established in the mind of every person of taste and literature, to derive any aid from our feeble panegyric. It is only to be lamented that, from the peculiar circumstances under which these their poetical offspring make their appearance, the Parents' names cannot be announced to the world with all that parade which accompanies a more legal intercourse with the Muses. Perhaps, however, the vigour and native energy of the Parents, appear much more prominent in these ardent inspirations of nature, than in the cold, nerveless, unimpassioned efforts of a legitimate production. It may here be objected by some fastidious critics, that if writings, evidently so reputable to the fame of the authors, are of such a construction as to be unfit to be acknowledged, that they are equally unfit for publication: but let these gentlemen recollect, that it has ever been held perfectly justifiable to utter those sarcasms under a masque, which the strict rules of decorum would render inadmissible in any other situation. The shafts of ridicule have universally been found more efficacious in correcting folly and impertinence, than the most serious reproof; and while we pursue the example of POPE, SWIFT, ARBUTHNOT, ADDISON, and others of the wittiest, the wisest, and the best men of the age in which they lived, we shall little fear the cavils of ill-nature. If it should be urged that the subjects of these political productions are merely temporary, and will be forgotten with the hour which gave them birth; let it at the same time be recollected, that though the heroes of the DUNCIAD have sunk into their native obscurity, the reputation of the poem which celebrated their worth, still retains its original splendour. And, in truth, as a matter of equity, if blockheads and dunces are worthy to be recorded in the Poet's page, why may not Privy Councillors and Lords of the Bedchamber demand a similar exaltation?

POLITICAL MISCELLANIES.

* * * * *

PROBATIONARY ODE EXTRAORDINARY, _By the Rev_. W. MASON, M.A.

[The following second attempt of Mr. MASON, at the ROYAL SACK, was not inserted in the celebrated collection of Odes formed by Sir JOHN HAWKINS.--What might be the motive of the learned Knight for this omission can at present only be known to himself.--Whether he treasured it up for the next edition of his Life of Dr. JOHNSON, or whether he condemned it for its too close resemblance to a former elegant lyric effusion of the Rev. Author, must remain for time, or Mr, FRANCIS BARBER, to develope.--Having, however, been fortunate enough to procure a copy, we have printed both the Odes in opposite leaves, that in case the latter supposition should turn out to be well founded, the public may decide how far the worthy magistrate was justified in this exclusion.]

ODE ODE

_To the Honourable_ WILLIAM PITT. _To the Right Hon._ WILLIAM PITT.

_By_ W. MASON, _M.A._ _By_ W. MASON, _M.A._

Me nyn, oti phthonerhai "Give not the Mitre now!
Thnaton phrenas amphikremantai Lest base-tongued ENVY squinting at my
elpides, brow,
Met arena poet siyato patroan, Cry, 'lo! the price for CAVENDISH
betray'd!'
Mede tousd hymnous. But in good time nor that, oh! PITT!
PINDAR, Isthm. Ode 2. forget,
Nor my more early service yet unpaid,
My puffs on CHATHAM in his offspring's
aid,
Not what this loyal Ode shall add to
swell the debt."
MY OWN TRANSLATION.

I. I.
'Tis May's meridian reign; yet Eurus 'Tis now the TENTH of APRIL; yet the
cold wind
Forbids each shrinking thorn its In frigid fetters doth each blossom
leaves unfold, bind,
Or hang with silver buds her rural No silver buds her rural throne
throne: emboss:
No primrose shower from her green lap No violets _blue_ from her _green_ lap
she throws[1], she throws[2];
No daisy, violet, or cowslip blows, Oh! lack-a-daisy! not a daisy blows,
And Flora weeps her fragrant And (ere she has them) FLORA weeps
offspring gone. their loss.
Hoar frost arrests the genial dew; Hoar frost, with bailiff's grizly
hue,
To wake, to warble, and to woo At Winter's suit, arrests the dew;
No linnet calls his drooping No Cuckow wakes her drowsy mate:
love:
Shall then the poet strike the His harp then shall a Parson
lyre, strum,
When mute are all the feather'd When other Blackbirds all are
quire, dumb,
And Nature fails to warm the syrens of When neither Starlings, Daws, or
the grove? Magpies prate?

II. II.
He shall: for what the sullen Spring He shall: for what the sulky Spring
denies denies,
The orient beam of virtuous youth An annual butt of sugar'd SACK
supplies: supplies;
That moral dawn be his inspiring That beverage sweet be his inspiring
flame. flame,
Beyond the dancing radiance of the Cloath'd in the radiant influence of
east the East,
Thy glory, son of CHATHAM! fires his Thy glory, son of CHATHAM, fires his
breast, breast;
And proud to celebrate thy vernal And swift to adulate thy vernal
fame. fame,
Hark, from this lyre the strain Hark! from his lyre a strain is
ascends, heard,
Which but to Freedom's fav'rite In hopes, ere long, to be
friends preferred,
That lyre disdains to sound. To sit in state 'midst mitred
peers.
Hark and approve, as did thy Hark and approve! as did thy sire,
sire[3]
The lays which once with kindred The lays which, nodding by the
fire fire,
His muse in attic mood made Mona's To gentle slumbers sooth'd his
oaks rebound. listening ears.

III. III.
Long silent since, save when, in Long silent since, save when on
KEPPEL's name, t'other side,
Detraction, murd'ring BRITAIN's naval In KEPPEL's praise to little purpose
fame, tried,
Rous'd into sounds of scorn th' I rous'd to well-feign'd scorn the
indignant string[4]. indignant string;
But now, replenish'd with a richer But now replete with a more hopeful
theme, theme,
The vase of harmony shall pour its The o'erflowing ink-bottle shall pour
stream, its stream,
Fann'd by free Fancy's Through quills by Dullness pluck'd
rainbow-tinctur'd wing. from gosling's downy wing.
Thy country too shall hail the St. JAMES's too shall hail the
song, song,
Her echoing heart the notes Her echoing walls the notes
prolong; prolong,
While they alone with [5]envy Whilst they alone with sorrow
sigh, sigh.
Whose rancour to thy parent dead Whose reverence for thy parent
dead,
Aim'd, ere his funeral rites were Now bids them hang their drooping
paid, head,
With vain vindictive rage to starve And weep, to mark the conduct of his
his progeny. progeny.

IV. IV.
From earth and these the muse averts From these the courtly muse averts her
her view, eye.
To meet in yonder sea of ether blue To meet with genuine unaffected joy
A beam to which the blaze of noon is A scene that passes in the Closet's
pale: gloom;
In purpling circles now the glory In whitening circles the dim glory
spreads, spreads,
A host of angels now unveil their Bedchamber Lords unveil their powder'd
heads, heads,
While heav'n's own music triumphs on And Tory triumphs sound throughout
the gale. the room:
Ah see, two white-rob'd seraphs Ah! see two Jannisaries lead
lead
Thy father's venerable shade; Illustrious BUTE's thrice-honour'd
shade;
He bends from yonder cloud of Behind yon curtain did he stand,
gold,
While they, the ministers of Whilst they (which Whigs with
light, horror mark)
Bear from his breast a mantle Bear from his cloak a lantern
bright, dark,
And with the heav'n-wove robe thy And trust the hallow'd engine to thy
youthful limbs enfold. youthful hand.

V. V.
"Receive this mystic gift, my son!" he "Receive this mystic gift, brave boy,"
cries, he cries,
"And, for so wills the Sovereign of "And if so please the Sovereign of the
the skies, skies,
With this receive, at ALBION's With this receive at GEORGE's
anxious hour, anxious hour,
A double portion of my patriot zeal, A double portion of my Tory zeal,
Active to spread the fire it dar'd to Active to spread the fire it dared to
feel feel,
Thro' raptur'd senates, and with Through venal senates, and with
awful power boundless pow'r,
From the full fountain of the tongue From the full fountain of the
tongue,
To call the rapid tide along To roll a tide of words along,
Till a whole nation caught the Till a whole nation is deceived.
flame.
So on thy sire shall heav'n bestow, So shall thy early labours gain
A blessing TULLY fail'd to know, A blessing BUTE could ne'er attain;
And redolent in thee diffuse thy In fact, a Courtier be, yet Patriot be
father's fame. believed.

VI. VI.
"Nor thou, ingenuous boy! that Fame "Nor thou, presumptuous imp, that fame
despise disown,
Which lives and spreads abroad in Which draws its splendor from a
Heav'n's pure eyes, monarch's throne,
The last best energy of noble Sole energy of many a lordly mind,
mind[6];
Revere thy father's shade; like him Revere the shade of BUTE, subservient
disdain still
The tame, the timid, temporizing To the high dictates of the Royal
train, will;
Awake to self, to social interest Awake to self, to social interest
blind: blind.
Young as thou art, occasion calls, Young as thou art, occasion calls,
Thy country's scale or mounts or Prerogative or mounts or falls
falls
As thou and thy compatriots As thou and thy compatriots[7]
strive; strive,
Scarce is the fatal moment past Scarce in the fatal moment past
That trembling ALBION deem'd her Which Secret Influence deem'd her
last, last,
O knit the union firm, and bid an Oh! save the expiring fiend, and bid
empire live. her empire live!

VII. VII.
"Proceed, and vindicate fair Freedom's "Proceed!--Uphold Prerogative's high
claim, claim,
Give life, give strength, give Give life, give strength, give
substance to her name; substance to her name!
The native rights of man with Fraud The rights divine of Kings with
contest. Whigs contest;
Yes, snatch them from Corruption's Save them from Freedom's bold
baleful power, incroaching hand,
Who dares, in Day's broad eye, those Who dares, in Day's broad eye, those
rights devour, rights withstand,
While prelates bow, and bless the And be by Bishops thy endeavours
harpy feast. bless'd!"
If foil'd at first, resume thy If foil'd at first, resume thy
course, course,
Rise strengthen'd with ANTÆAN Whilst I, though writing worse and
force, worse,
So shall thy toil in conquest Thy glorious efforts will
end. record;
Let others court the tinsel things Let others seek by other ways,
That hang upon the smile of kings, The public's unavailing praise,
Be thine the muse's wreath; be thou Be mine the BUTT OF SACK--be thou the
_the people's friend_." TREASURY'S LORD!

[1] This expression is taken from Milton's song on May Morning, to which this stanza in general alludes, and the 4th verse in the next.

[2] Improved from Milton.

[3] The poem of Curactacus was read in Ms. by the late Earl of Chatham, who honoured it with an approbation which the author is here proud to record.

[4] See Ode to the Naval Officers of Great Britain, written 1779.

[5] See the motto from Pindar.

[6] in allusion to a fine and well-known passage in MILTON's Lycidas.

[7] Messrs. JENKINSON, ROBINSON, DUNDAS, &c. &c.

THE STATESMEN:

AN ECLOGUE.

LANSDOWNE.
While on the Treasury-Bench you, PITT, recline,
And make men wonder at each vast design;
I, hapless man, my harsher fate deplore,
Ordain'd to view the regal face no more;
That face which erst on me with rapture glow'd, 5
And smiles responsive to my smiles bestow'd:
But now the Court I leave, my native home,
"A banish'd man, condemn'd in woods to roam;"
While you to senates, BRUNSWICK's mandates give,
And teach white-wands to chaunt his high prerogative. 10

PITT.
Oh! LANSDOWNE, 'twas a more than mortal pow'r
My fate controul'd, in that auspicious hour,
When TEMPLE deign'd the dread decree to bring,
And stammer'd out the _Firmaun_ of the King:
That power I'll worship as my houshold god, 15
Shrink at his frown, and bow beneath his nod;
At every feast his presence I'll invoke,
For him my kitchen fires shall ever smoke;
Not mighty HASTINGS, whose illustrious breath
Can bid a RAJAH live, or give him death, 20
Though back'd by SCOTT, by BARWELL, PALK, and all
The sable squadron scowling from BENGAL;
Not the bold Chieftain of the tribe of PHIPPS,
Whose head is scarce less handsome than his ship's;
Not bare-breech'd GRAHAM, nor bare-witted ROSE, 25
Nor the GREAT LAWYER with the LITTLE NOSE;
Not even VILLIERS' self shall welcome be,
To dine so oft, or dine so well as he.

LANSDOWNE.
Think not these sighs denote one thought unkind,
Wonder, not Envy, occupies my mind; 30
For well I wot on that unhappy day,
When BRITAIN mourn'd an empire giv'n away;
When rude impeachments menaced from afar,
And what gave peace to FRANCE--to us was war;
For awful vengeance Heav'n appeared to call, 35
And agonizing Nature mark'd our fall.
Dire change! DUNDAS's cheek with blushes glow'd,
GRENVILLE was dumb, MAHON no phrenzy show'd;
Though DRAKE harrangu'd, no slumber GILBERT fear'd,
And MULGRAVE's mouth like other mouths appear'd; 40
In vain had BELLAMY prepar'd the meat;
In vain the porter; BAMBER could not eat;
When BURKE arose no yell the curs began,
And ROLLE, for once, half seem'd a gentleman:
Then name this god, for to St. JAMES's Court, 45
Nor gods nor angels often make resort.

PITT.
In early youth misled by Honour's rules,
That fancied Deity of dreaming fools;
I simply thought, forgive the rash mistake,
That Kings should govern tor their People's sake: 50
But Reverend JENKY soon these thoughts supprest,
And drove the glittering phantom from my breast;
JENKY! that sage, whom mighty George declares,
Next SCHWELLENBURGEN, great on the back stairs:
'Twas JENKINSON--ye Deacons, catch the sound! 55
Ye Treasury scribes, the sacred name rebound!
Ye pages, sing it--echo it, ye Peers!
And ye who best repeat, Right Reverend Seers!
Whose pious tongues no wavering fancies sway,
But like the needle ever point one way. 60

LANSDOWNE.
Thrice happy youth! secure from every change,
Thy beasts unnumber'd, 'mid the Commons range;
Whilst thou, by JOVE's ætherial spirit fired,
Or by sweet BRUNSWICK's sweeter breath inspired,
Another ORPHEUS every bosom chear, 65
And sticks, and stocks, and stones, roar _hear! hear! hear!_
Raised by thy pipe the savage tribes advance,
And Bulls and Bears in mystic mazes dance:
For me no cattle now my steps attend,
Ev'n PRICE and PRIESTLY, wearied, scorn their friend; 70
And these twin sharers of my festive board,
Hope of my flock, now seek some richer Lord.

PITT.
Sooner shall EFFINGHAM clean linen wear,
Or MORNINGTON without his star appear;
Sooner each prisoner BULLER's law escape; 75
Sooner shall QUEENSBURY commit a rape;
Sooner shall POWNEY, HOWARD's noddle reach;
Sooner shall THURLOW hear his brother preach;
Sooner with VESTRIS, Bootle shall contend;
Sooner shall EDEN not betray his friend; 80
Sooner DUNDAS an Indian bribe decline;
Sooner shall I my chastity resign;
Sooner shall Rose than PRETTYMAN lie faster,
Than PITT forget that JENKINSON's his maker.

LANSDOWNE.
Yet oft in times of yore I've seen thee stand 85
Like a tall May-pole 'mid the patriot band;
While with reforms you tried each baneful art,
To wring fresh sorrows from your Sovereign's heart;
That heart, where every virtuous thought is known,
But modestly locks up and keeps them all his own. 90

PITT.
'Twas then that PITT, for youth such warmth allows,
To wanton Freedom paid his amorous vows;
Lull'd by her smiles, each offer I withstood,
And thought the greatest bliss my country's good.
'Twas pride, not passion, madden'd in my brain, 95
I wish'd to rival FOX, but wish'd in vain;
Fox, the dear object of bright Freedom's care,
Fox still the favourite of the BRITISH fair;
But while with wanton arts the syren strove
To fix my heart, and wile me to her love; 100
Too soon I found my hasty choice to blame,
--Freedom and Poverty are still the same--
While piles of massy gold his coffers fill,
Who votes subservient to his Sovereign's will.

LANSDOWNE.
Enough, break off--on RICHMOND I must wait; 105
And DEBBIEG too will think I stay too late;
Yet ere I go some friendly aid I'd prove,
The last sad tribute of a master's love.
In that famed College where true wisdom's found,
For MACHIAVELIAN policy renown'd, 110
The pious pastors first fill'd LANSDOWNE's mind,
With all the lore for Ministers design'd:
Then mark my words, and soon those Seers shall see
Their famed IGNATIUS far outdone in thee;--
In every action of your life be shown, 115
You think the world was made for you alone;
With cautious eye each character survey,
Woo to deceive, and promise to betray;
Let no rash passion Caution's bounds destroy,
And ah! no more appear "THE ANGRY BOY!" 120

PITT.
Yet stay--Behold the Heav'ns begin to lour,
And HOLLAND threatens with a thunder show'r;
With me partake the feast, on this green box,
Full fraught with many a feast for factious Fox;
Each sapient hint that pious PRETTY gleans, 125
And the huge bulk of ROSE's Ways and Means;
See too the smoaky citizens approach,
Piled with petitions view their Lord Mayor's coach;
Ev'n now their lengthen'd shadows reach this floor,
Oh! that d--n'd SHOP-TAX--AUBREY, shut the door! 130

THE STATESMEN.] It will be unnecessary to inform the classical reader, that this Eclogue evidently commences as an imitation of the 1st. of Vergil--the Author, however, with a boldness perfectly characteristic of the personages he was to represent, has in the progress of his work carefully avoided every thing like a too close adherence to his original design.

Line 8.--_A banish'd man_, &c.] Vide the noble Marquis's celebrated speech, on the no less celebrated IRISH PROPOSITIONS.

Line 14.--_And stammer'd out the_ FIRMAUN, &c.] When a language happens to be deficient in a word to express a particular idea, it has been ever customary to borrow one from some good-natured neighbour, who may happen to be more liberally furnished. Our Author, unfortunately, could find no nation nearer than TURKEY, that was able to supply him with an expression perfectly apposite to the sentiment intended to be here conveyed.

Line 25.--_Not bare-breeche'd_ GRAHAM.] His Lordship some time since brought in a bill to relieve his countrymen from those habilliments which in ENGLAND are deemed a necessary appendage to decorum, but among our more northern brethren are considered as a degrading shackle upon natural liberty. Perhaps, as the noble Lord was then on the point of marriage, he might intend this offering of his _opima spolia_, as an elegant compliment to HYMEN.

Line 51.--_But Reverend_ JENKY.] Our Author here, in some measure deviating from his usual perspicuity, has left us in doubt whether the term _Reverend_ is applied to the years or to the profession of the gentleman intended to be complimented. His long experience in the secrets of the CRITICAL REVIEW, and BUCKINGHAM HOUSE, would well justify the former supposition; yet his early admission into DEACON'S ORDERS will equally support the latter: our readers therefore must decide, while we can only sincerely exult in his Majesty's enjoyment of a man whose whole pious life has been spent in sustaining that beautiful and pathetic injunction of scripture, "SERVE GOD, AND HONOUR THE KING."

Line 68.--_And Bulls and Bears in mystic mazes dance_.] The beautiful allusion here made to that glorious state of doubt and obscurity in which our youthful Minister's measures have been invariably involved, with its consequent operation on the stockholders, is here most fortunately introduced.--What a striking contrast does Mr. PITT's conduct, in this particular, form to that of the Duke of PORTLAND, Mr. Fox, and your other _plain matter of fact men!_

Line 83.--_Sooner shall_ ROSE _than_ PRETTYMAN _lie faster_.] This beautiful compliment to the happy art of embellishment, so wonderfully possessed by this _par nobile fratrum_, merits our warmest applause; and the skill of our author no where appears more conspicious than in this line, where, in refusing to give to either the pre-eminence, he bestows the _ne plus ultra_ of excellence on both.

RONDEAU.

HUMBLY INSCRIBED

_To the_ RIGHT HON. WILLIAM EDEN, ENVOY EXTRAORDINARY _and_ MINISTER PLENIPOTENTIARY _of Commercial Affairs at the Court of_ VERSAILLES.

Of EDEN lost, in ancient days,
If we believe what MOSES says,
A paltry pippin was the price,
One crab was bribe enough to entice
Frail human kind from Virtue's ways.

But now, when PITT, the all-perfect, sways,
No such vain lures the tempter lays,
Too poor to be the purchase twice,
Of EDEN lost.

The Dev'l grown wiser, to the gaze
Six thousand pounds a year displays,
And finds success from the device;
Finds this fair fruit too well suffice
To pay the peace, and honest praise,
Of EDEN lost.

ANOTHER.

"A mere affair of trade to embrace,
Wines, brandies, gloves, fans, cambricks, lace;
For this on me my Sovereign laid
His high commands, and I obeyed;
Nor think, my lord, this conduct base.

"Party were guilt in such a case,
When thus my country, for a space,
Calls my poor skill to DORSET's aid
A mere affair of trade!"

Thus EDEN, with unblushing face,
To NORTH would palliate his disgrace;
When NORTH, with smiles, this answer made:
"You might have spared what you have said;
I thought the business of your place
A mere affair of trade!"

ANOTHER.

Around the tree, so fair, so green,
Erewhile, when summer shone serene,
Lo! where the leaves in many a ring,
Before the wint'ry tempest wing,
Fly scattered o'er the dreary scene:

Such, NORTH, thy friends. Now cold and keen
Thy Winter blows; no shelt'ring skreen
They stretch, no graceful shade they fling
Around the tree.

Yet grant, just Fate, each wretch so mean,
Like EDEN, pining in his spleen
For posts, for stars, for strings, may swing
On two stout posts in hempen string!
Few eyes would drop a tear, I ween,
Around the tree.

ANOTHER.

"The JORDAN have you been to see?"
Cried FOX, when late with shuffling plea,
Poor EDEN stammer'd at excuse,
But why the JORDAN introduce?
What JORDAN too will here agree?

That JORDAN which from spot could free
One man unclean here vain would be:
If yet those powers of wond'rous use
The JORDAN have!

One fitter JORDAN of the three
Would I for EDEN's meed decree;
With me then open every sluice,
And foaming high with streams profuse,
For EDENS head may all with me
The JORDAN have!

ANOTHER.

For EDEN's place, where circling round
EUPHRATES wash'd the hallow'd mound,
The learned long in vain have sought;
'Twas GREECE, 'twas POLAND, some have taught;
Some hold it in the deluge drown'd:
PITT thinks his search at PARIS crown'd;
See the Gazette his proofs expound!
Yet who of looking there had thought
For EDEN's place!

No;--view yon frame with dirt embrown'd,
Some six feet rais'd above the ground,
Where rogues, exalted as they ought,
To peep through three round holes are brought,
There will the genuine spot be found
For EDEN's place!

EPIGRAMS

_On the_ IMMACULATE BOY

That Master PITT seems
To be fond of extremes,
No longer is thought any riddle;
For sure we may say,
'Tis as plain as the day,
That he always kept clear of the middle.

ANOTHER.

'Tis true, indeed, we oft abuse him,
Because he bends to no man;
But Slander's self dares not accuse him
Of stiffness to a woman.

ANOTHER.

"No! no! for my virginity,
When I lose that," quoth PITT, "I'll die;"
Cries WILBERFORCE, "If not till then,
By G--d you must outlive all men[1]."

ANOTHER[2].

On _fair and equal_ terms to place
An union is thy care;
But trust me, POWIS, in this case
The _equal_ should not please his Grace,
And PITT dislikes the _fair_.

ANOTHER.

The virulent fair,
Protest and declare,
This Ministry's not to their hearts;
For say what they will,
To them Master BILL
Has never discover'd his parts.

ANOTHER.

----_Ex nihilo nil fit._

When PITT exclaim'd, "By measures I'll be tried,"
That false appeal all woman-kind denied.

ANOTHER.

Incautious Fox will oft repose
In fair one's bosom thoughts of worth;
But PITT his secrets keeps so close,
No female arts can draw them forth.

ANOTHER.

Had PITT to his advice inclined,
SIR CECIL had undone us;
But he, a friend to womankind,
Would nothing lay upon us.
ANCILLA.

ANOTHER.

_On_ Mr. PITT's _Prudence_.

Though PITT have to women told some things, no doubt;
Yet his private affairs they have never found out.

ANOTHER.

Who dares assert that virtuous PITT
Partakes in female pleasures;
For know there ne'er was woman yet
Could e'er endure half measures.

ANOTHER.

_Puer loquitur._

Though big with mathematic pride,
By me this axiom is denied;
I can't conceive, upon my soul,
My parts are equal to the _whole_.

[1] "No! no! for my virginity,
When I lose that," quoth PITT, "I'll die;
Behind the elms last night," quoth DICK,
"Rose, were you not extremely sick?" PRIOR.

[2] A coalition between the DUKE OF PORTLAND and Mr. PITT, was attempted to be formed by Mr. POWIS, and the other Country Gentlemen.--This endeavour, however, was defeated in consequence of Mr. PITT's construction of the terms _fair and equal_.

THE DELAVALIAD.

Why, says an indignant poet, should Mr. ROLLE alone, of all the geniuses that distinguish the present period, be thought the only person of worth or talents enough to give birth and name to an immortal effusion of divine poesy? He questions not that great man's pretensions; far from it; he reveres his ancestors, adores his talents, and feels something hardly short of idolatry towards his manners and accomplishments.--But still, why such profusion of distinction towards one, to the exclusion of many other high characters? Our Poet professes to feel this injustice extremely, and has made the following attempt to rescue one deserving man from so unmerited an obloquy. The reader will perceive the measure to be an imitation of that which has been so deservedly admired in our immortal bard, in his play of "_As You Like It._"

From the East to the Western Inde
No Jewel is like Rosalind;
Her worth being mounted on the wind,
Thro' all the world bears Rosalind, &c. &c.

This kind of verse is adopted by the poet to avoid any appearance of too servile an imitation of the ROLLIAD. He begins,

Ye patriots all, both great and small,
Resign the palm to DELAVAL;
The virtues would'st thou practise all,
So in a month did DELAVAL.
A _patriot_ first both stout and tall,
Firm for the day was DELAVAL.
The friend to court, where frowns appal,
The next became good DELAVAL.--
Wilt thou against oppression bawl?
Just so did valiant DELAVAL!
Yet in a month, thyself enthral,
So did the yielding DELAVAL:
Yet give to both, a dangerous fall,
So did reflecting DELAVAL.
If resignation's good in all,
Why so it is in DELAVAL:
For if you p--- against a wall,
Just so you may 'gainst DELAVAL:
And if with foot you kick a ball,
E'en so you may--a DELAVAL.
'Gainst _influence_ would'st thou vent thy gall,
Thus did the patriot DELAVAL:
Yet servile stoop to Royal call,
So did the loyal DELAVAL.
What friend to Freedom's fair-built Hall,
Was louder heard than DELAVAL?
Yet who the _Commons_ rights to maul,
More stout was found than DELAVAL?
--'Gainst Lords and Lordlings would'st thou brawl,
Just so did he--SIR DELAVAL:
Yet on thy knees, to honours crawl,
Oh! so did he--LORD DELAVAL.
An evil sprite possessed SAUL,
And so it once did DELAVAL.
Music did soon the sense recal,
Of ISRAEL's King, and DELAVAL,
SAUL rose at DAVID's vile cat-call.
--Not so the wiser DELAVAL:
'Twas money's sweetest _sol, la fal_,
That chear'd the sense of DELAVAL--
When royal power shall instal,
With honours new LORD DELAVAL;
Who won't say--the _miraculous_ hawl
Is caught by faithful DELAVAL?
'Gainst rapine would'st thou preach like Paul,
Thus did religious DELAVAL:
Yet screen the scourges of Bengal,
Thus did benignant DELAVAL.
To future times recorded shall
Be all the worths of DELAVAL:
E'en OSSIAN, or the great FINGAL,
Shall yield the wreath to DELAVAL.
From Prince's court to cobler's stall,
Shall sound the name of DELAVAL:
For neither sceptre nor the awl,
Are strong and keen as DELAVAL.--
Some better praise, than this poor scrawl,
Shall sing the fame of DELAVAL:
For sure no song can ever pall,
That celebrates great DELAVAL:
Borne on all fours, the fame shall sprawl.
To latest time--of DELAVAL:
Then come, ye Nine, in one great squall,
Proclaim the worths of DELAVAL.

[_The annotations of the learned are expected._]

THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT GEORGE[1] BUILT.

Lord NUGENT.--This is the RAT, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

Mr. FOX.--This is the CAT, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

PEPPER ARDEN.--This is the DOG, that barked at the Cat, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

Lord THURLOW.--This is the BULL with the crumpled horn, that roared with the Dog, that barked at the Cat, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

Mr. PITT.--This is the MAIDEN[2] all forlorn, that coaxed the Bull with the crumpled horn, that roared with the Dog, that barked at the Cat, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

Mr. DUNDAS.--This is the SCOT by all forsworn, that wedded[3] the Maiden all forlorn, that coaxed the Bull with the crumpled horn, that roared with the Dog, that barked at the Cat, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

Mr. WILKES.--This is the PATRIOT covered with scorn, that flattered the Scot by all forsworn, that wedded the Maiden all forlorn, that coaxed the Bull with the crumpled horn, that roared with the Dog, that barked at the Cat, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

CONSCIENCE.--This is the COCK that crowed in the morn, that waked the Patriot covered with scorn, that flattered the Scot by all forsworn, that wedded the Maiden all forlorn, that coaxed the Bull with the crumpled horn, that roared with the Dog, that barked at the Cat, that killed the Rat, that eat the Malt, that lay in the House that George built.

[1] George Nugent Grenville, Marquis of Buckingham.

[2] The immaculate continence of the BRITISH SCIPIO, so strongly insisted on by his friends, as constituting one of the most shining ingredients of his own uncommon character, is only alluded to here as a received fact, and not by any means as a reproach.

[3] _Wedded_. This Gentleman's own term for a Coalition.

EPIGRAMS,

_By_ SIR CECIL WRAY.

First published in the Gentleman's Magazine, under the signatures of DAMON, PHILOMELA, NOLENS VOLENS, and CRITANDER.

_To_ CELIA (_now Lady_ WRAY), _on Powdering her Hair._

EXTEMPORE.

Thy locks, I trow, fair maid,
Don't never want this aid:
Wherefore thy powder spare,
And only _comb_ thy hair.

_To Sir_ JOSEPH MAWBEY, _proposing a Party to go a-fishing for White Bait._

Worthy SIR JOE, we all are wishing,
You'd come with us a-White-Bait-fishing.

_On seeing a Ladybird fly off_ CELIA'_s Neck, after having perched on it for many minutes._

I thought (God bless my soul!)
Yon ladybird her mole--
I thought--but devil take the thing,
It proved my error--took to wing--

_A Thought on_ NEW MILK.

Oh! how charming is New Milk!
Sweet as sugar--soft as silk!

_Familiar Verses, addressed to two Young Gentlemen at the_ Hounslow Academy.

Take notice, roguelings, I prohibit
Your walking underneath yon gibbet:
Have you not heard, my little ones,
Of _Raw Head and Bloody Bones?_
How do you know, but that there fellow,
May step down quick, and you up swallow?

EXTEMPORE.

_To_ DELIA, _on seeing_ TWO CATS _playing together._

See, DELY, DELY, charming fair,
How Pusseys play upon that chair;
Then, DELY, change thy name to WRAY,
And thou and I will likewise play.

_On a_ BLADE-BONE.

Says I, one day, unto my wife,
I never saw in all my life
Such a blade-bone. Why so, my dear?
Says she. The matter's very clear,
Says I; for on it there's no meat,
For any body for to eat.
Indeed, my dear, says she, 'tis true, }
But wonder not, for, you know, you }
Can't eat your cake and have it too. }

_An_ IDEA _on a_ PECK _of_ COALS.

I buy my coals by pecks, that we
May have them fresh and fresh, d'ye see.

_To my very learned and facetious friend_, S. ESTWICK, ESQ. M.P. _and_ LL.D. _on his saying to me_, "What the D---l noise was that?"

Good Dr. ESTWICK, you do seek
To know what makes my shoe-soles creak?
They make a noise when they are dry;
And so do you, and so do I.
C. W.

LORD GRAHAM'S DIARY,

DURING THE FIRST WEEK OF THE NEW PARLIAMENT.

_May_ 20. Went down to the House--sworn in--odd faces--asked PEARSON who the new people were--he seemed cross at my asking him, and did not know--I took occasion to inspect the water-closets.

N.B. To tell ROSE, that I found three cocks out of repair--didn't know what to do--left my name at the DUKE OF QUEENSBERRY's--dined at WHITE's--the pease tough--Lord APSLEY thought they ought to be boiled in steam--VILLIERS very _warm_ in favour of _hot water_--PITT for the new mode--and much talk of _taking the sense_ of the _club_--but happily I prevented matters going to extremity.

_May_ 21. Bought a tooth-pick-case, and attended at the Treasury-Board--nothing at the House but swearing--rode to WILBERFORCE's at WIMBLEDON--PITT, THURLOW, and DUNDAS, _water-sucky_--we all wondered why perch have such large mouths, and WILBERFORCE said they were like MULGRAVE's--red champagne rather ropy--away at eight--THURLOW's horse started at a windmill--he off.

N.B. To bring in an Act to encourage water-mills--THURLOW home in a _dilly_--we after his horse--children crying, _Fox for ever!_--DUNDAS stretching to whip them--he off too.

_May_ 22. Sick all day--lay a bed--VILLIERS _bored_ me.

23. Hyde-park--PITT--HAMILTON, &c. Most of us agreed it was right to bow to Lord DELAVAL--PITT won't to any one, except the _new Peers_--dined at PITT's--PITT's soup never salt enough--Why must PRETTYMAN dine with us?--PITT says to-day he will _not_ support Sir CECIL WRAY--THURLOW wanted to give the _old toast_--PITT grave--probably this is the reason for letting PRETTYMAN stay.

24. House--Westminster Election--we settled to always make a noise when BURKE gets up--we ballotted among ourselves for a _sleeping Committee_ in the Gallery----STEELE always to call us when PITT speaks--Lord DELAVAL our _dear_ friend!--_Private_ message from ST. JAMES's to PITT--He at last agrees to support SIR CECIL.

_May_ 25. BANKES won't vote with us against GRENVILLE's Bill--English obstinacy--the Duke of RICHMOND teazes us--nonsense about consistency--what right has _he_ to talk of _it?_--but must not say so.--DUNDAS thinks worse of the Westminster business than--but too hearty to indulge absurd scruples.

26. Court--King in high spirits, and attentive rather to the Duke of GRAFTON--QUEEN more so to Lord CAMDEN--puzzles us all!--So it is possible the Duke of RICHMOND will consent to leave the _Cabinet_?--Dinner at DUNDAS's--too many things aukwardly served--Joke about ROSE's thick legs, like ROBINSON's, in flannel.

EXTRACTS

FROM THE SECOND VOLUME OF LORD MULGRAVE'S ESSAYS ON ELOQUENCE, LATELY PUBLISHED.

"We now come to speak of _Tropes_. Trope comes from the Greek word _Trepo_, to turn. I believe that tropes can only exist in a vocal language, for I do not recollect to have met with any among the savages near the Pole, who converse only by signs; or if they used any, I did not understand them. Aristotle is of opinion that horses have not the use of tropes.--Dean Swift seems to be of a contrary opinion; but be this as it may, tropes are of very great importance in Parliament, and I cannot enough recommend them to my young readers.

"_Tropes_ are of two kinds: 1st, such as tend to illustrate our meaning; and 2dly, such as tend to render it obscure. The first are of great use in the _sermo pedestris_; the second in the sublime. They give the _os magna sonans_; or, as the same poet says in another place, the _ore rotundo_; an expression, which shows, by the bye, that it is as necessary to round your mouth, as to round your periods.--But of this more hereafter, when I come to treat of _mouthing_, or, as the Latins call it, _elocutio_.

"In the course of my reflections on tropes, I have frequently lamented the want of these embellishments in our modern _log-books_. Strabo says they were frequently employed by the ancient sailors; nor can we wonder at this difference, since our young seamen are such bad scholars: not so in other countries; for I have seen children at the island of _Zanti_, who knew more of Greek than any First Lieutenant. Now to return to Tropes, and of their use in Parliament. I will give you some examples of the most perfect kind in each species, and then quit the subject; only observing, that the worst kind of tropes are _puns_; and that tropes, when used in controversy, ought to be very obscure; for many people do not know how to answer what they do not understand.

"Suppose I was desirous of pressing forward any measure, and that I apprehended that the opposite party wished to delay it, I should personify procrastination by one of the following manners:

1. "_This measure appears to be filtered through the drip-stone of procrastination._" This beautiful phrase was invented by a near relation of mine, whose talents bid fair to make a most distinguished figure in the senate.

2. "_This is another dish cooked up by the procrastinating spirit._" The boldness of this figure, which was invented by Mr. Drake, cannot be too much admired.

3. "_This appears to be the last hair in the tail of procrastination._"

"The _Master of the Rolls_, who first used this phrase, is a most eloquent speaker; but I think the two former instances much more beautiful, inasmuch as the latter personification is drawn from a dumb creature, which is not so fine a source of metaphor as a Christian.

"Having thus exhausted the subject of metaphors, I shall say a few words concerning _similes_, the second of tropical figures, in point of importance."

ANECDOTES OF MR. PITT.

As nothing which relates to this great man can be indifferent to the public, we are happy in laying before our readers the following particulars, the truth of which may be depended on:--

MR. PITT rises about _Nine_, when the weather is clear; but if it should rain, Dr. PRETTYMAN advises him to lay about an hour longer. The first thing he _does_ is to eat _no_ breakfast, that he may have a better appetite for his dinner. About _ten_ he generally blows his nose and cuts his toe-nails; and while he takes the exercise of his _bidet_, Dr. PRETTYMAN reads to him the different petitions and memorials that have been presented to him. About _eleven_ his valet brings in Mr. ATKINSON and a WARM SHIRT, and they talk over the _New Scrip_, and other matters of finance. Mr. ATKINSON has said to _his_ confidential friends round 'Change, that Mr. PITT always speaks to him with great affability. At _twelve_ Mr. PITT retires to a water-closet, adjoining to which is a small cabinet, from whence Mr. JENKINSON confers with him on the secret instructions from BUCKINGHAM-HOUSE. After this, Mr. PITT takes a long lesson of dancing; and Mr. GALLINI says, that if he did not turn in his toes, and hold down his head, he would be a very good dancer. At _two_ Mr. WILBERFORCE comes in, and they both play with Mr. PITT's black dog, whom they are very fond of, because he is like Lord MULGRAVE in the face, and barks out of time to the organs that pass in the street. After this Mr. PITT rides. We are credibly informed, that he often pats his horse; and, indeed, he is remarkably fond of all _dumb creatures_ both in and out of Parliament. At _four_ he sleeps.--Mr. PITT eats very heartily, drinks one bottle of port, and two when he _speaks_; so that we may hope that Great Britain will long be blessed with the superintendance of this virtuous and able young Minister!!!

LETTER FROM A NEW MEMBER TO HIS FRIEND IN THE COUNTRY.

MY DEAR SIR,

As you are so anxious and inquisitive to know the principal circumstances that have occurred to my observation, since my introduction to the House of Commons, I think it my duty to give you what satisfaction I am able. As you know, my dear friend, how little I dreamt of being called out of my humble sphere of life, to the rank of a senator (and still less at a time when so many considerable gentlemen of education, worth, and property had been driven from their seats in Parliament), you will not wonder that it required some time before I could rid myself of the awe and embarrassment that I felt on first entering the walls of that august assembly. Figure to yourself, my good Sir, how very aukward and distressing it was to me to reflect, that I was now become a member of the British Senate; picked and culled out, as our inimitable Premier assured us, by the free, unbiassed voice of the people, for our singular abilities and love of our country, to represent the wisdom of the nation at the present critical juncture. Would to God I possessed a pen that might enable me to celebrate, in a style equal to his merits, the praises of this prodigy of a Minister, whom I can never speak or think of without enthusiasm! Oh! had you but heard his speech on the day of our meeting, when he addressed himself to the young members in a strain of eloquence that could not fail to make a lasting impression on our minds! Not one of us, I assure you, who did not feel the warmest emotions of respect and gratitude, and begin to entertain a confidence in his own talents for business, and a consciousness of his zeal for the public service, that would probably have never entered into the head of a simple individual, if this excellent young man had not condescended to point out to us those qualities in such strong and flattering colours.

Such extraordinary marks of condescension surprized me not a little, from a person whom I had been used to hear so generally (but no doubt most falsely) censured, for upstart pretension and overbearing arrogance; and I could not sufficiently admire the candour he shewed, in giving such perfect credit to the talents and virtues of so many strangers, the greatest part of whose faces were even unknown to him. Besides, the compliment appeared to me the more generous, as I had but that very morning received a promise from Government to refund me the heavy charges and trouble they had led me into at my late election, which you very well know, notwithstanding the help of Mr. ROBINSON, had very near ruined my affairs, and proved the destruction of myself and family.

As you desire to have my impartial sentiments respecting the eloquence of Mr. PITT and Mr. FOX, I must fairly own, that I cannot hear, without indignation, any comparison made between 'em;--and, I assure you, Mr. PITT has a very decided preference in the opinion of most of the new members, especially among us COUNTRY GENTLEMEN, who, though we never heard any thing like public speaking before in our lives, have too much sense and spirit to agree in this particular with the generality of the public.--We could all see Mr. PITT was an orator in a moment. The dignity of his deportment, when he first rises from the Treasury Bench, with his head and eyes erect, and arms extended, the regular poize of the same action throughout the whole of his speech, the equal pitch of his voice, which is full as sonorous and emphatic in expressions of the least weight; above all, his words, which are his principal excellence, and are really finer and longer than can be conceived, and clearly prove him, in my judgment, to be far superior to every other orator. Mr. FOX, it seems, in perfect despair of imitating the expression and manner of his rival, never attempts to soar above a language that is perfectly plain, obvious, and intelligible, to the meanest understanding; whereas, I give you my word, I have more than once met with several who have frankly owned to me, that Mr. PITT's eloquence was often above their capacity to comprehend. In addition to this, it is observable, that Mr. PITT has the happy art of expressing himself, even upon the most trifling occasion, in at least three times as many words as any other person uses in an argument of the utmost importance, which is so evident an advantage over all his adversaries, that I wonder they persist to engage in so unequal a combat.

I shall take an early opportunity of communicating to you some further observations on this subject: in the mean time believe me,

Dear Sir,
With the truest regard,
Your's, &c. &c. &c.
_Cocoa Tree, May_ 29, 1784.

THE POLITICAL RECEIPT BOOK, FOR THE YEAR 1784.

HOW TO MAKE A PREMIER.

Take a man with a great quantity of that sort of words which produce the greatest effect upon the _many_, and the least upon the _few_: mix them with a large portion of affected candour and ingenuousness, introduced in a haughty and contemptuous manner. Let there be a great abundance of falsehood, concealed under an apparent disinterestedness and integrity; and the two last to be the most professed when the former is most practised. Let his engagements and declarations, however solemnly made, be broken and disregarded, if he thinks he can procure afterwards a popular indemnity for illegality and deceit. He must subscribe to the doctrine of PASSIVE OBEDIENCE, and to the exercise of patronage independent of his approbation; and be careless of creating the most formidable enemies, if he can gratify the personal revenge and hatred of those who employ him, even at the expence of public ruin and general confusion.

HOW TO MAKE A SECRETARY OF STATE.

Take a man in a violent passion, or a man that never has been in one; but the first is the best. Let him be concerned in making an ignominious peace, the articles of which he could not comprehend, and cannot explain. Let him speak loud, and yet never be heard; and to be the kind of man for a SECRETARY OF STATE when nobody else will accept it.

HOW TO MAKE A PRESIDENT OF THE COUNCIL.

Take a man who all his life loved office, merely for its emolument; and when measures which he had approved were eventually unfortunate, let him be notorious for relinquishing his share of the responsibility of them; and be stigmatized, for political courage in the period of prosperity, and for cowardice when there exists but the appearance of danger.

HOW TO MAKE A CHANCELLOR.

Take a man of great abilities, with a heart as black as his countenance. Let him possess a rough inflexibility, without the least tincture of generosity or affection, and be as manly as oaths and ill manners can make him. He should be a man who will act politically with all parties, hating and deriding every one of the individuals which compose them.

HOW TO MAKE A MASTER OF THE ORDNANCE.

Take a man of a busy, meddling, turn of mind, with just as much parts as will make him troublesome, but never respectable. Let him be so perfectly callous to a sense of personal honour, and to the distinction of public fame, as to be marked for the valour of insulting where it cannot be revenged[1]; and, if a case should arise, where he attempts to injure reputation, because it is dignified and absent, he should possess _discretion_ enough to apologise and to recant, if it is afterwards dictated to him to do so, notwithstanding any previously-declared resolutions to the contrary. Such a man will be found to be the most fit for servitude in times of disgrace and degradation.

HOW TO MAKE A TREASURER OF THE NAVY.

Take a man, composed of most of the ingredients necessary to enable him to attack and defend the very same principles in politics, or any party or parties concerned in them, at all times, and upon all occasions. Mix with these ingredients a very large quantity of the root of interest, so that the juice of it may be always sweet and uppermost. Let him be one who avows a pride in being so necessary an instrument for every political measure, as to be able to extort those honours and emoluments from the weakness of a government, which he had been deliberately refused, at a time when it would have been honourable to have obtained them.

HOW TO MAKE A LORD OF THE TREASURY.

Take the most stupid man you can find, but who can make his signature; and from ignorance in _every thing_ will never contradict you in _any thing_. He should not have a brother in the church, for if he has, he will most probably abandon or betray you. Or, take a man of fashion, with any sort of celebrity: if he has accustomed himself to arguments, though the dullness can only be measured by the length of them, he will serve to speak _against time_, with a certainty in that case of never being answered.

HOW TO MAKE A SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY.

Take a pleading _Country Attorney_, without passion, and without parts. Let him be one who will seize the first opportunity of renouncing his connection with the first man who draws him out of obscurity and serves him. If he has no affections or friendships, so much the better; he will be more ready to contribute to his own advantage. He should be of a temper so pliable, and a perseverance so ineffectual, as to lead his master into troubles, difficulties, and ruin, when he thinks he is labouring to overcome them. Let him be a man, who has cunning enough, at the same time, to prey upon and deceive frankness and confidence; and who, when he can no longer avail himself of both, will sacrifice even his character in the cause of treachery, and prefer the interests resulting from it, to the virtuous distinctions of honour and gratitude.

HOW TO MAKE A SECRETARY-AT-WAR.

Take a man that will take any thing. Let him possess all the negative virtues of being able to do no harm, but at the same time can do no good; for they are qualifications of a courtly nature, and may in time recommend him to a situation something worse, or something better.

HOW TO MAKE AN ATTORNEY-GENERAL.

Take a little ugly man, with an _eye_ to his preferment. It is not requisite that he should be much of a lawyer, provided that he be a tolerable politician; but in order to qualify himself for an _English Judge_, he should first be a _Welch_ one. He must have docility sufficient to do any thing; and, if a period should arrive, when power has popularity enough to make rules and laws for the evident purpose of gratifying malignity, he should be one who should be ready to advise or consent to the creation of new cases, and be able to defend new remedies for them, though they militate against every principle of reason, equity, and justice.

N.B. The greatest part of this Receipt would make a MASTER OF THE ROLLS.

HOW TO MAKE A WARDROBE-KEEPER, OR PRIVY-PURSE.

Take the most supercilious fool in the nation, and let him be in confidence in proportion to his ignorance.

HOW TO MAKE A SURVEYOR-GENERAL OF THE ORDNANCE.

Take a Captain in the _Navy_, as being best acquainted with the _Army_; he should have been a few years _at sea_, in order to qualify him for the direction of works _on shore_; and let him be one who will sacrifice his connections with as much ease as he would renounce his profession.

HOW TO MAKE A PEER.