Chapter II: Part 2

_De._ You are the first Lord, since I studied carriage, That shew'd such infidelity and fury Vpon so kind a message, every gentleman Will shew some breeding, but if one right honourable Should not have noble bloud. _Lor._ You shall returne My complement in a letter to my Lady _Aretina_, favour me with a little patience, Shew her that chamber. _De._ Ile attend your Lordship. _Ex._

_Lor._ Write, Madam where your honour is in danger, My love must not be silent. _Enter Sentlove and Kickshaw._

_Sentlove_ and _Kickshaw_! _Kic._ Your Lordship's busie.

_Lor._ Writing a letter, nay it shanot barre Any discourse. _Sec._----Silent.

_Lo._ Though I be no Physitian, I may prevent a feaver in your bloud, And where have you spent the mornings conversation?

_Sent._ Where you would have given the best Barbary In your stable to have met on honorable termes.

_Lor._ What new beautie? You acquaint your selves With none but wonders. _Sent._ Tis too low a miracle.

_Lor._ Twill require a strong faith. _Secr._ Your bloud.

_Lor._ If you be innocent preserve your fame least this _Decoy_ Madam betray it to your repentance. By what name is she knowne?

_Sent._ Aske _Alexander_, he knowes her? _Alex._ Whom?

_Sent._ The Lady _Celestina_.

_Lor._ He has a vast knowledge of Ladies, las poore _Alexander_! When dost thou meane thy body shall lie fallow?

_Al._ When there is mercy in a petticote, I must turne pilgrime for some breath. _Lor._ I thinke Twere cooler travell if you examine it Vpon the hoofe through Spaine.

_Sent._ Through _Ethiopia_.

_Lor._ Nay lesse laborious to serve a prentiship In Peru, and dig gold out of the mine, Though all the yeare were dogdayes. _Sec._ To repentance.

_Lor._ In briefe, this Lady, could you fall from vertue, Within my knowledge will not blush to be a Bawde.

_Sent._ But hang't tis honorable journey worke, Thou art famous by't, and thy name's up. _Alex._ So sir, let me aske you a question my deare knight, Which is lesse servile to bring up the Pheasant, And waite, or sit at table uncontrould And carve to my owne appetite? _Sent._ No more, Th'art witty, as I am--_Sec._ A bawd. _Sent._ How's that?

_Al._ Oh you are famous by't and your names up sir.

_Lor._ Be wise, and reward my caution, with Timely care of your selfe, so I shall not repent To be knowne your lovings kinsman and servant. Gentlemen, the Lady _Celestina_. Is she so rare a thing? _Alex._ If you'le have my Opinion my Lord, I never saw So sweete, so faire, so rich a peece of nature.

_Lor._ Ile shew thee a fairer presently, to shame Thy eyes and judgement, looke o'that.----So Ile subscribe Seale it, ile excuse your pen for the direction.

_Al._ _Bella Marias_ picture; she was hansome.

_Sent._ But not to be compar'd.

_Lor._ Your patience gentlemen ile returne instantly. _Exit._

_Al._ Whither is my Lord gone?

_Sec._ To a Lady i'th next Chamber. _Sen._ What is she?

_Sec._ You shall pardon me, I am his Secretary.

_Sen._ I was wont to be of his counsell, a new officer And I not know't? I am resolvd to batter All other with the praise of _Celestina_ I must retaine him. _Enter Lord._

_Lor._ Has not that object Convinc't your erring judgements.

_Al._ What this picture?

_Lor._ Were but your thoughts as capable as mine Of her Idea, you would with no thought That were not active in her praise above All worth and memory of her sexe. _Sent._ She was faire I must confess, but had your Lordship look'd With eyes more narrow and some lesse affection Vpon her face. _Alex._ I doe not love the copies Of any dead, they make me dreame of goblins, Give me a living mistresse, with but halfe The beauty of _Celestina_, come my Lord, Tis pitty that a Lord of so much flesh Should waste upon a ghost, when they are living Can give you a more honourable consumption.

_Sen._ Why doe you meane my Lord to live an Infidell? Doe, and see what will come ont, observe still And dote upon your vigills, build a chamber Within a rocke, a tombe, among the wormes, Not farre off, where you may in proofe apocryphall Court em not devoure the pretty pile. Of flesh your mistresse carried to the grave, There are no women in the world, all eyes And tongue and lippes are buried in her coffin.

_Lor._ Why doe you thinke your selves competent Judges, Of beauty gentlemen? _Both._ What should hinder us?

_Al._ I have seene and tried as many as another With a mortall backe. _Lord._ Your eyes are bribd, And your hearts chain'd to some desires, you cannot Enjoy the freedome of a sence. _Alex._ Your Lordship Has a cleare eyesight, and can judge and penetrate.

_Lor._ I can, and give a perfect censure of Each line and point, distinguish beautie from A thousand formes, which your corrupted optiks Would passe for naturall. _Sent._ I desire no other Judge should determine us, and if your Lordship Dare venture but your eyes upon this Lady, Ile stand their justice, and be confident You shall give _Celestine_ victorie, And triumph ors all beauties past and living.

_Al._ I dare my Lord venture a sute of clothes, You will be orecome. _Lor._ You doe not know my fortitude.

_Sent._ Nor frailtie, you dare not trust you selfe to see he.

_Lor._ Thinke you so gentlemen, I dare see this creature To make you know your errors, and the difference Of her, whose memory is my Saint, not trust My sences? J dare see, and speake with her, Which holds the best acquaintance to prepare My visit to her.

_Sent._ I will doo't my Lord.

_Al._ Shee is a Lady free in entertainements.

_Lor._ I would give this advantage to your cause, Bid him appeare in all the ornaments Did ever waite on beautie, all the riches Pride can put on, and teach her face more charme Then ever Poet drest up _Venus_ in, Bid her be all the graces, and the queene Of love in one, Ile see her _Sentlove_, and Bring off my heart arm'd, but single thought Of one that is dead, without a wound, and when I have made your follie prisoner, ile laugh at you.

_Sent._ She shall expect you, trust me for knowledge.

_Lor._ I'me for the present somewhere else engagd, Let me heare from you. _Sent._ So I am glad hee's yet So neere conversion. _Alex._ I am for _Aretina_.

_Sent._ No mention of my Lord. _Alex._ Prepare his Lady, Tis time he were reduc'd to the old sport, One Lord like him more would undoe the court. _Exit._

_Enter Aretina with a letter. Decoy._

_De._ He is the ornament of your bloud Madam, I am much bound to his Lordship. _Are._ He gives you A noble character. _De._ Tis his goodnesse Madam.

_Are._ I wanted such an engine, my Lord has Done me a curtesie to disclose her nature, I now know one to trust, and will employ her. Touching my Lord, for reasons, which I shall Offer to your Ladiship hereafter, I Desire you would be silent, but to shew How much I dare be confident in your secrecie, I powre my bosome forth, I love a gentleman On whom there woo'not meet much conjuration To meet--your eare--

_De._ I apprehend you, and I shall Be happy to be serviceable, I am sorry Your Ladiship did not know me before now, I have done offices, and not a few Of the nobilitie, but have done feates Within my house, which is convenient for situation, and artfull chambers, And pretty pictures to provoke the fancie.

_Enter Littleworth._

_Lit._ Madam all pleasures languish in your absence.

_Are._ Your pardon a few minutes sir----you must Contrive it thus. _Lit._ I attend, and shall account it Honour to waite on your returne. _Are._ He must not Have the least knowledge of my name, or person.

_De._ I have practisd that already for some great ones, And dare agen to satisfie you Madam; I have a thousand wayes to doe sweet offices.

_Lit._ If this Lady _Aretina_ should be honest, I ha lost time, shee's free as aire, J must Have closer conference, and if I have art, Make her affect me in revenge. _De._ This evening? Leave me to manage things. _Are._ You will oblige me.

_De._ You shall commend my art, and thanke me after. _Ex._

_Are._ I hope the revells are maintained within.

_Lit._ By sir _Thomas_ and his Mistris. _Are._ How? his Mistris.

_Lit._ The Lady _Celestina_, I nere saw Eyes shoote more amorous enterchange. _Are._ Ist so?

_Lit._ He weares her favor with ore pride. _Ar._ Her favor?

_Lit._ A feather that he ravish'd from her fan.

_Lit._ And is so full of courtship, which she smiles on.

_Are._ Tis well. _Lit._ And praises her beyond all poetry.

_Are._ I'me glad he has so much wit. _Lit._ Not jealous!

_Are._ This secures me, what would make other Ladies pale With jealousie, gives but a licence to my wandrings, Let him now taxe me if he dare----and yet Her beauti's worth my envie, and I wish Revenge upon it, not because he loves, But that it shines above my owne. _Enter Alex._

_Al._ Deare Madam.

_Are._ I have it, you two gentlemen professe Much service to me, if I have a way To employ your wit and secrecie. _Both._ You'le honour us.

_Are._ You gave a high and worthy character Of _Celestina_. _Alex._ I remember Madam.

_Are._ Doe either of you love her? _Alex._ Not I Madam.

_Lit._ I wod not, if I might. _Are._ Shee's now my guest, And by a tricke invited by my husband To disgrace me, you gentlemen are held Wits of the towne, the Consulls that doe governe The Senate here, whose jeeres are all authenticke, The Tavernes and the Ordinaries are Made academies where you come, and all Your sinnes and surfets made the times example, Your very nods can quell a Theater, No speech or Poem good without your seale, You can protect scurrility, and publish By your authority beleev'd, no rapture Ought to have honest meaning. _Alex._ Leave our characters.

_Lit._ And name the emploiment. _Are._ You must exercise The strength of both your wits upon this Lady, And talke her into humblenesse or anger Both which are equall to my thought, if you Dare undertake this slight thing for my sake, My favour shall reward it, but be faithfull, And seeme to let all spring from your owne freedome.

_Ale._ This all? We can defame her, if you please My friend shall call her whore or any thing, And never be endangerd to a duell. _Are._ How's that?

_Al._ He can endure a cudgelling, and no man Will fight after so faire a satisfaction, But leave us to our Art, and doe not limit us.

_Are._ They are here, begin not till I whisper you.

_Enter Sir Thomas, Celestina, Marcana, Isabella._

Ar. _Je vous prie Madam d'excuser l'importunitè de mes affaires Qui m'ont fait offenser, par mon absence, une dame de la quelle I'ay receu tant d'obligation._

Cel. _Pardonnez moy Madame; vous me faictez trop d'hónneur._

Are. _C'est bien de la douceur de vostre naturel que vous tenez Ceste language; mais j'espere que mon mary n'a pas Manquè de vous entretenir en mon absence._

Ce. _En verité Monsieur nous a fort obligè._

Are. _Il eut trop failly, s'il n'eust tasché de tout son pouvoir à vous rendre toutes fortes de services._

Cel. _C'est de sa bontè qu'il nous a tant favorisè._

Ar. _De la vostre plustost Madame que vous fait donner D'interpretation si benigne à ses efforts._

Cel. _Ie voy bien que la victoire sera toutsjours à Madame, & de language, & de la courtesie._

Are. _Vrayement Madame, que jamais personne a plus desirè, L'honneur de vostre compagnie, que moy._

Cel. _Laissans en je vous supplie, des compliments & permettoz à vostre servante de vous baiser les mains._

Are. _Vous m'obligez trop._

_Bo._ I have no more patience, lets be merry agen In our owne language, Madam our mirth cooles, Our Nephew! _Enter Fredericke._

_Are._ Passion of my braine.

_Fre._ Save you gentlemen, save you Ladies. _Are._ I am undone.

_Fre._ I must salute, no matter at which end I begin.

_Are._ There's a complement.

_Cel._ Is this your nephew Madam?

_Are._ _Ie vous prie Madame d'excuser les habitz, & le rude Comportement de mon cousin. Il est tout fraichement Venu de l'universitè, ou on l'a tout gastè._

_Cel._ _Excusez moy Madam, il est bien accomply._

_Fre._ This language should be French, by the motions Of your heads, and the mirth of your faces. _Are._ I am dishonor'd.

_Fre._ Tis one of the finest tongues for Ladies to shew their Teeth in, If you'le Latine I am for you, or Greek it, My tailor has not put me into French yet, _Mille basia, basia mille._

Cel. _Ie ne vous entende pas monsieur,_ I understand you not sir. _Fre._ Why so? You and I then shall be in charity, For though we should be abusive, we ha the benefit Not to understand one another: where's my Aunt? I did heare musicke somewhere, and my braines Tun'd with a bottle of your capering claret Made haste to shew their dancing. _Lit._ Please you Madam, They are very comfortable. _St._ Alas Madam How would you have me helpe it, I did use All meanes I could, after he heard the musicke, To make him drunke in hope so to containe him, But the wine made him lighter, and his head Flew hi'ther, ere I mist his heeles.

_Ale._ Nay he spoke Latine to the Lady.

_Are._ Oh most unpardonable! get him off Quickly, and discreetely, or if I live----

_St._ Tis not in my power, he sweares I am An absurd sober fellow, and if you keepe A servant in his house to crosse his humour, When the rich sword and belt comes home, hee'le kill him.

_Are._ What shall I doe? Try your skill, Master _Littleworth_.

_Lit._ He has ne're a sword, sweet Mr. _Fredericke_.

_Bo._ Tis pitty Madam such a syen should Be lost, but you are clouded. _Cel._ Not I sir, I never found my selfe more cleare at heart.

_Bo._ I could play with a feather, your fan Lady, Gentlemen, _Aretina_, ta ra ra ra, come Madam.

_Fre._ Why my good tutor in election? You might have beene a scholler. _Lit._ But I thanke My friends they brought me up a little better, Give me the towne wits, that deliver jeasts Cleane from the bow, that whistle in the aire, And cleave the pin at twelvescore, Ladies doe But laugh at a gentleman that has any learning. Tis sinne enough to have your clothes suspected, Leave us, and I will find a time to instruct you; Come here are sugar plumbes, tis a good _Fredericke_.

_Fre._ Why is not this my Aunts house in the strand? The noble Rendevous? Who laughes at me? Go, I will foot here, if I list, and talke Of Retoricke, Logicke, Latine, Greeke, or any thing, And understand em too, who sayes the contrary? Yet in a faire way I contemne all learning, And will be as ignorant as he, or he, Or any taffata, satten, scarlet, plush, Tissue, or cloath, a bodkin gentleman, Whose manners are most gloriously infected; Did you laugh at me Lady? _Cel._ Not I sir? But if I did shew mirth upon your question, I hope you wod not beate me little gentleman.

_Fr._ How little gentleman? you dare not say These words to my new cloathes, and fighting sword.

_Are._ Nephew _Fredricke_! _Fr._ Little gentleman, This an affront both to my bloud and person, I am a gentleman of as tall a birth As any boast nobility, though my clothes Smell o'the lampe, my coate is honourable, Right honourable, full, of or, and argent, A little gentleman! _Bor._ Coze you must be patient, My Lady meant you no dishonour, and You must remember shee's a woman.

_Fre._ Is she a woman, thats another matter, Dee heare, my uncle tells me what you are.

_Cel._ So sir. _Fr._ You cald me little gentleman. _Cel._ I did sir.

_Fre._ A little pinke has made a lusty ship Strike her topsaile, the Crow may beard the Elephant, A whelpe may tame the Tiger, spight of all False decks and murderers, and a little gentleman Be hard enough to grapple with your Ladiship Top and top gallant; will you goe drinke uncle? Tother inchanted bottle, you and I Will tiple, and talke phylosophy.

_Bo._ Come Nephew, You will excuse a minutes absence Madam. Waite you on us. _St._ My duty sir.

_Are._ Now gentlemen. _Ex. all but Cel. & Alex. & Little._

_Alex._ Madam I had rather you accuse my language For speaking truth, then vertue suffer in My further silence, and it is my wonder That you, whose noble carriage hath deserv'd All honour, and opinion should now Be guilty of ill manners. _Cel._ What was that You told me sir? _Lit._ Doe you not blush Madam? To aske that question. _Cel._ You amaze rather My cheeke to palenesse, what you meane by this? I am not troubled with the hickup gentlemen, You should bestow this fright upon me. _Lit._ Then Pride and ill memory goe together. _Cel._ How sir?

_Al._ The gentleman on whom you exercise Your thin wit, was a nephew to the Lady Whose guest you are, and though her modesty Looke calme on the abuse of one so neare Her bloud, the affront was impious. _Lit._ I am asham'd on't, You an ingenious Lady, and well mannerd? Ile teach a Beare as much civility.

_Cel._ You may be master of the Colledge sir For ought I know. _Lit._ What Colledge? Of the Beares.

_Cel._ Have you a plot upon me? Dee possesse Your wits, or know me gentlemen. _Enter Bornewell._

_Bor._ How's this?

_Al._ Know you? yes we doe know you to an atome.

_Li._ Madam we know, what stuffe your soule is made on.

_Cel._ But doe not barke so like a mastive, pray, Sure they are mad, let your braines stand awhile And settle gentlemen, you know not me, What am I? _Lit._ Tha'rt a puppet, a thing made Of clothes and painting, and not halfe so hansome As that which plaid _Susanna_ in the faire.

_Cel._ I heard you visited those canvas tragedies, One of their constant audience, and so taken With _Susan_, that you wish'd your selfe a rivall With the two wicked elders. _Al._ You thinke this Is wit now, come you are-- _Cel._ What I beseech you? Your character will be full of salt and satyre, No doubt, what am I? _Al._ Why you are a woman.

_Cel._ And that's at least a bow wide of you knowledge.

_Al._ Wo'd be thought hansome, and might passe i'th country Vpon a market day, but miserably Forfeit to pride and fashions, that if heaven Were a new gowne, you'd not stay in't a fortnight.

_Cel._ It must be miserably out of fashion then, Have I no sinne but pride? _Al._ Hast any vertue? Or but a good face to excuse that want?

_Cel._ You prais'd it yesterday. _Al._ That made you proud.

_Cel._ More pride? _Al._ You neede not to close up the praise, I have seene a better countenance in a Sibill.

_Cel._ When you wore spectacles of sacke, mistooke The painted cloath, and kist it for your mistresse.

_Al._ Let me aske you a question, how much Have you consum'd in expectation That I would love you. _Cel._ Why? I thinke as much As you have paid away in honest debts This seven yeare, tis a pretty impudence, But cannot make me angry. _Lit._ Is there any Man that will cast away his limbes upon her?

_Al._ You doe not sing so well as I imagind, Nor dance, you reele in your coranto, and pinch Your petticoate too hard, y'ave no good eare Toth' musicke, and incline too much one shoulder, As you were dancing on the rope, and falling, You speake abominable French, and make A courtsey like a Dairie maide, not mad?

_Lit._ Doe we not sting her hansomely. _Bor._ A conspiracie.

_Al._ Your state is not so much as tis reported When you conferre notes, all your husbands debts And your owne reconcild----but thats not it Will so much spoile your marriage. _Cel._ As what sir? Let me know all my faults. _Al._ Some men doe whisper You are not over honest. _Cel._ All this shall not Move me to more than laughter, and some pittie, Because you have the shapes of gentlemen, And though you have beene insolent upon me, I will engage no friend to kicke or cudgell you To spoile your living, and your limbes together, I leave that to diseases that offend you, And spare my curse, poore silken Vermine, and Hereafter shall distinguish Men from Monkies.

_Bo._ Brave soule, you brace of horseleaches, I have heard Their barbarous language Madam, ya're too mercifull, They shall be silent to your tongue, pray punish e'm.

_Cel._ They are things not worth my character, nor mention Of any cleane breath, so lost in honesty They cannot satisfie for wrongs enough, Though they should steale out of the world at Tiburne.

_Lit._ We are hang'd already.

_Cel._ Yet I will talke a little to the pilchards, You two that have not twixt you both the hundred Part of a soule, course woollen witted fellowes, Without a nap, with bodies made for burdens, You that are onely stuffings for apparrell As you were made but engines for your Taylors To frame their clothes upon, and get them custome; Vntill men see you moove, yet, then you dare not Out of your guilt of being the ignobler beast But give a horse the wall, whom you excell Onely in dancing of the brawles, because The horse was not taught the French way, your two faces, One fat like Christmas, tother leane like Candlemas, And Prologue to a Lent, both bound together Would figure _Ianus_, and doe many cures On Agues and the greene disease by frighting, But neither can with all the characters And conjuring circles charme a woman, though Sha'd fourescore yeares upon her, and but one Tooth in her head, to love, or thinke well of you; And I were miserable, to be at cost To court such a complexion, as your malice Did impudently insinuate, but I waste time And staine my breath in talking to such tadpoles. Goe home and wash your tongues in Barly water, Drinke cleane Tobacco, be not hot i'th mouth, And you may scape the Beadle; so I leave you To shame and your owne garters. Sir I must Entreate you for my honour doe not pennance em, They are not worth your anger, how I shall Acquit your Ladies silence.

_Bo._ Madam, I Am sorry to suspect, and dare revenge.

_Cel._ No cause of mine. _Bor._ It must become me to attend you home.

_Cel._ You are noble--farewell Mushroomes.

_Are._ Is she gone. _Li._ I thinke we peperd her.

_Al._ I am glad tis over, But I repent no service for you Madam.

_Enter servant with a letter._

To me? from whence--a Iewell a good preface, Be happy the conclusion.

_Are._ Some love letter----_He smiles upont._

_Lit._ He has a hundred Mistresses, you may Be charitable Madam I ha none, He surfets, and I fall away i'th kidnyes.

_Al._ Ile meete, Tis some great Lady questionlesse, that has Taken notice, and would satisfie her appetite.

_Are._ Now Mr. _Alexander_, you looke bright o the suddaine, Another spirit's in your eye.

_Al._ Not mine Madam, Onely a summons to meete a friend.

_Ar._ What friend? _Lit._ By this Jewell, I know her not!

_Ar._ Tis a she friend, Ile follow gentlemen, We may have a game at Sant before you goe.

_Al._ I shall attend you Madam. _Li._ Tis our duty.

_Are._ I blush while I converse with my owne thoughts, Some strange fate governes me, but I must on, The wayes are cast already, and we thrive When our sinne feares no eye nor perspective. _Exit._

_The fourth Act._

_Enter two men leading Alexander, blinded, and goe off suddenly._

_Al._ I am not hurt, my patience to obey em Not without feare to ha my throat cut else, Did me a curtesie whither ha they brought me? Tis devillish darke, the bottome of a well At midnight, with but two starres on the top, Were broad day to this darkenesse, I but thinke How like a whirlewinde these rogues caught me up And smoothered my eyesight, let me see, These may be spirits, and for ought I know Have brought me hither over twenty steeples, Pray heaven they were not Bayliefes, thats more worth My feare, and this a prison, all my debts Reeke in my nostrill, and may bones beginne To ake with feare to be made dice, and yet This is too calme and quiet for a prison; What if the riddle prove I am robd; and yet I did not feele em search me? How now? musicke?

_Enter Decoy like an old woman with a light._

And a light? What beldam's this, I cannot pray; What art? _De._ A friend, feare not young man I am No spirit. _Alex._ Off. _De._ Despise me not for age, Or this course outside, which I weare not out Of poverty; thy eyes be witnesse tis No cave or beggars cell tha'rt brought too, let That gold speake here's no want, which thou maist spend, And finde a spring to tire even prodigality If thou beest wise. _Alex._ The devill was a coyner From the beginning, yet the gold lookes currant.

_De._ Tha'rt still in wonder, know I am Mistresse of This house, and of a fortune that shall serve And feed thee with delights, twas J sent for thee, The jewell and the letter came from me. It was my art, thus to contrive our meeting, Because J would not trust thee with my fame, Vntill J found thee worth a womans honor.

_Al._ Honour and fame? the devill meanes to have A care on's credit, though she sent for me, J hope, she has another customer To doe the tricke withall, J wod not turne Familiar to a witch. _De._ What saist? Canst thou Dwell in my armes to night, shall we change kisses, And entertaine the silent houres with pleasure? Such as old time shall be delighted with, And blame the too swifte motion of his wings While we embrace? _Al._ Embrace? She has had no teeth This twenty years, and the next violent cough Brings up her tongue, it cannot possibly Be sound at root, I doe not thinke but one Strong sneeze upon her, and well mean't would make Her quarters fall away, one kicke would blow Her up like gunpowder, and loose all her limbs; She is so cold, an _Incubus_ wod not heate her, Her phlegme would quench a furnace, and her breath Would dampe a musket bullet. _De._ Have you sir Considerd. _Alex._ What? _De._ My proposition, Canst love? _Alex._ I could have done, whom doe you meane? I know you are pleased, but to make sport. _De._ Thou art not So dull of soule as thou appearst. _Alex._ This is But some device, my granam has some tricke in't: Yes I can love. _De._ But canst thou affect me.

_Al._ Although to reverence so grave a matron Were an ambitious word in me; yet since You give me boldnesse, I doe love you. _De._ Then Thou art my owne. _Al._ Has she no cloven foote?

_De._ And I am thine, and all that I command Thy servants, from this minute thou art happy, And fate in thee will crowne all my desires. I griev'd a proper man should be compeld To bring his body to the common market, My wealth shall make thee glorious, and the more To encourage thee, how ere this forme may fright Thy youthfull eyes, yet thou wo't find by light Of thy owne sense, for other light is banish'd My chamber, when our armes tie lovers knots, And kisses seale the welcome of our lippes, I shall not there affright thee, nor seeme old, With riveld veines, my skin is smooth and softe As _Ermines_, with a spirit to meete thine, Active and equall to the queene of Loves When she did court _Adonis_. _Al._ This doth more Confirme she is a devill, and I am Within his owne dominions, I must on, Or else be torne a peeces, I have heard These Succubi must not be crost. _De._ We trifle Too precious time away, Ile shew you a prospect Of the next chamber, and then out the candle.

_Al._ Have you no sacke i'th house, I would goe arm'd Vpon this breach. _De._ It shanot need. _Al._ One word Mother, have not you beene a Cat in your dayes?

_De._ I am glad you are so merry sir, you observe That bed. _Alex._ A very brave one. _De._ When you are Disrob'd, you can come thither in the darke, You shanot stay for me, come as you wish For happinesse. _Exit._

_Al._ I am preferd, if I Be modest and obey, she cannot have The heart to doe me harme, and she were _Hecate_ Herselfe, I will have a strong faith, and thinke, I march upon a Mistris, the lesse evill, If I scape fire now, I defie the devill. _Exit._

_Enter Fred. Littlew. Steward._

_Fre._ And how dee like me now? _St._ Most excellent.

_Fre._ Your opinion Mr. _Littlewor_. _Lit._ Your French tailor Has made you a perfect gentleman, I may Converse now with you, and preserve my credit, De'e find no alteration in your body With these new clothes? _Fre._ My body altered? No.

_Lit._ You are not yet in fashion then, that must Have a new motion garbe, and posture too, Or all your pride is cast away, it is not The cut of your apparrell makes a gallant, But the geometricall wearing of your clothes.

_St._ Mr. _Littleworth_ tells you right, you weare your hat Too like a citizen. _Lit._ Tis like a Midwife, Place it with best advantage of your haire, Is halfe your feather molted? this does make No shew, it should spread over like a Canopy, Your hot reind Monsieur weares it for a shade, And cooler to his backe, your doublet must Be more unbutton'd hereabouts, you'le not Be a sloven else, a foule shirt is no blemish, You must be confident, and outface cleane linnen Your doublet and your breeches must be allow'd No private meeting here, your cloak's too long, It reaches to your buttocke, and doth smell Too much of Spanish gravitie, the fashion Is to weare nothing but a Cape, a coate May be allowed a covering for one elbow, And some to avoid the trouble, choose to walke In quirpo thus. _St._ Your coat, and cloak's a brushing In Long-lane Lumbard. _Fre._ But what if it raine?

_Lit._ Your belt about your shoulder is sufficient To keepe off any storme, beside a reede But wau'd discreetly, has so many pores, It suckes up all the raine that falls about one, With this defence, when other men have beene Wet to the skin through all their cloakes, I have Defied a tempest and walked by the Tavernes Drie as a bone. _St._ Because he had no money To call for wine. _Fr._ Why you doe walke enchanted, Have you such pretty charmes in towne? But stay, Who must I have to attend me? _Lit._ Is not that Yet thought upon. _St._ I have laid out for servants.

_Lit._ They are every where. _St._ I cannot yet be furnish'd With such as I would put into his hands.

_Fr._ Of what condition must they be, and how Many in number sir? _Lit._ Beside your fencing, Your singing, dancing, riding, and French-master, Two may serve domesticke to be constant waiters Vpon a gentleman, a foole, a pimpe.

_St._ For these two officers I have enquird, And I am promisd a convenient whiskin, I could save charges, and employ the Pye wench That carries her intelligence in whitepots, Or tis but taking order with the woman That holds the ballads, she could fit him with A concubin to any tune, but I Have a designe to place a fellow with him That has read all Sir _Pandarus_ workes, a Trojan That lies conceal'd, and is acquainted with Both citty and sub urbian fripperies Can fetch em with a spell at midnight to him, And warrant which are for his turne, can for A neede supply the Surgeon too. _Fre._ I like Thy providence,--such a one deserves a livery twice a yeare.

_St._ It shanot need, a cast suite of your worships Will serve, he'le find a cloke to cover it Out of his share with those he brings to bed to you.

_Fre._ But must I call this fellow Pimpe? _Lit._ It is Not necessary, or _Jacke_ or _Harry_, Or what hees knowne abroad by will sound better, That men may thinke he is a Christian.

_Fre._ But heare you Mr. _Littleworth_, is there not A method, and degrees of title in Men of this art. _Lit._ According to the honour Of men that doe employ em. An Emperour May give this office to a Duke, A King May have his Viceroy to negotiate for him, A Duke may use a Lord, the Lord a Knight. A Knight may trust a gentleman, and when They are abroad, and merry, gentlemen May pimpe to one another. _Fre._ Good, good fellowship! But for the foole now, that should waite on me, And breake me jeasts. _Lit._ A foole is necessary.

_St._ By any meanes. _Fre._ But which of these two servants Must now take place. _Lit._ That question Mr. _Fredericke_ The schoole of Heraldry should conclude upon; But if my judgement may be heard, the foole Is your first man, and it is knowne a point Of state to have a foole. _St._ But sir the other Is held the finer servant, his employments Are full of trust, his person cleane, and nimble, And none so soone can leape into preferment Where fooles are poore. _Lit._ Not all, theres story for't, Princes have beene no wiser than they should be, Would any noble man, that were no foole Spend all in hope of the Philosophers stone, To buy new Lordships in another countrey, Would Knights build Colledges, or gentlemen Of good estates, challenge the field and fight Because a whore wo'not be honest, come, Fooles are a family over all the world; We doe affect one naturally, indeede The foole is Leiger with us. _St._ Then the Pimpe Is extraordinary. _Fre._ Doe not you fall out About their places; here's my noble Aunt! _Enter Aretina._

_Lit._ How doe you like your nephew Madam now?

_Are._ Well, turne about _Fredricke_, very well.

_Fre._ Am I not now a proper gentleman? The vertue of rich clothes! now could I take The wall of _Iulius Cesar_, affront Great _Pompeys_ upperlip, and defie the Senate, Nay I can be as proud as your owne heart Madam, You may take that for your comfort; J put on That vertue with my clothes, and J doubt not But in a little time, J shall be impudent As any Page or Players boy, J am Beholding to this gentleman's good discipline, But J shall doe him credit in my practise, Your Steward has some pretty notions too In morall mischiefe. _Are._ Your desert in this Exceedes all other service, and shall bind me Both to acknowledge, and reward. _Lit._ Sweet Madam! Thinke me but worth your favour, J wo'd creepe Vpon my knees to honour you and for every Minute you lend to my reward, ile pay A yeare of serviceable tribute. _Are._ You Can complement. _Lit._ Thus still she puts me off, Vnlesse J speake the downe right word, she'le never Vnderstand me, a man would thinke that creeping Vpon one's knees Were English to a Lady. _Enter Alex._

_Ale._ How ist _Iacke_? Pleasures attend you Madam, How does my plant of honour? _Are._ Who is this?

_Al._ Tis _Alexander_. _Are._ Rich and glorious!

_Lit._ Tis _Alexander_ the great. _Ale._ And my _Bucephalus_ Waites at the doore. _Are._ Your case is alterd sir.

_Ale._ J cannot helpe these things, the Fates will have it, Tis not my land does this. _Lit._ But thou hast a plough That brings it in. _Are._ Now he lookes brave and lovely.

_Fre._ Welcome my gallant Macedonian.

_Al._ Madam, you gave your Nephew for my pupill, I rea'd but in a taverne, if you'le honour us, The Beare at the bridge foote shall entertaine you, A drawer is my Ganimed, he shall skinke Briske _Nectar_ to us, we will onely have A dozen Partridge in a dish, as many Phesants, Quailes, Cockes and Godwits, shall come marching up Like the train'd band, a sort of Sturgeon Shall give most bold defiance to an army, And triumph ore the table. _Are._ Sir, it will But dull the appetite to heare more, and mine Must be excusd, another time I may Be your guest. _Ale._ Tis growne in fashion now with Ladies, When you please ile attend you; _Littleworth_. Come _Fredericke_. _Fre._ Weele have musicke, I love noise, We will out roare the Thames and shake the bridge boy. _Ex._

_Lit._ Madam I kisse your hand, wod you wod thinke Of your poore servant, flesh and bloud is fraile, And troublesome to carry without helpe.

_Are._ A coach will easily convey it, or You may take water at strand bridge. _Lit._ But I Have taken fire. _Are._ The Thames will coole.

_Lit._ But never quench my heart, your charitie Can onely doe that! _Are._ I will keepe it cold Of purpose, _Lit._ Now you blesse me, and I dare Be drunke in expectation. _Are._ I am confident He knowes me not, and I were worse than mad To be my owne betrayer, here's my husband. _Enter Born._

_Bor._ Why, how now _Aretina_? What alone? The mystery of this solitude? my house Turne desart o'the sudaine, all the gamsters Blowne up? Why is the musicke put to silence? Or ha their instruments caught a cold, since we Gave e'm the last heate? I must know thy ground Of Melancholy. _Are._ You are merry, as You came from kissing _Celestina_. _Bor._ I Feele her yet warme upon my lip, she is Most excellent company, I did not thinke There was that sweetnesse in her sexe, I must Acknowledge twas thy cure to disinchant me From a dull husband to an active lover, With such a Lady, I could spend more yeeres, Than since my birth my glasse hath run soft minutes, And yet be young, her presence has a spell To keepe off age, she has an eye would strike Fire through an adamant. _Are._ I have heard as much Bestow'd upon a dull fac'd chambermaid Whom love and wit would thus commend, true beauty Is mock'd when we compare thus, it selfe being Above what can be fetch'd to make it lovely, Or could our thoughts reach some thing to declare The glories of a face, or bodies elegance, That touches but our sense, when beauty spreads Over the soule, and calls up understanding To looke when thence is offer'd, and admire, In both I must acknowledge _Celestina_ Most excellently faire, faire above all The beauties I ha seene, and one most worthy Mans love and wonder. _Bor._ Doe you speake _Aretina_, This with a pure sence to commend, or ist The mockery of my praise. _Aret._ Although it shame My selfe, I must be just, and give her all The excellency of women, and were I A man. _Bo._ What then? _Are._ I know not with what losse, I should attempt her love, she is a peece So angellically moving, I should thinke Frailty excusd to dote upon her forme, And almost vertue to be wicked with her. _Exit._

_Bor._ What should this meane? this is no jealousie, Or she beleeves I counterfeit, I feele Something within me, like a heate, to give Her cause, would _Celestina_ but consent, What a fraile thing is man, it is not worth Our glory to be chaste, while we deny Mirth and converse with women, he is good That dares the tempter, yet corrects his bloud. _Exit._

_Celestina, Mariana, Isabella._

_Cel._ I have told you all my knowledge since he is pleasd To invite himselfe he shall be entertaind, And you shall be my witnesses. _Mar._ Who comes with him?

_Cel._ Sir _William Sentlove_, that prepard me for The honourable encounter, I expect His Lordship every minute. _Enter Sentlove._

_Sent._ My Lord is come. _Enter Lord Hairecut._

_Cel._ He has honord me. _Se._ My Lord your periwig is awry?

_Lo._ You sir----
_While Hairecut is busie about his haire, Sentlove goes to_ Celestina.

_Sent._ You may guesse, at the gentleman thats with him. It is his Barbar, Madam, dee observe And your Ladiship want a shaver. _Hai._ She is here sir, I am betraid _Sentlove_ your plot, I may Have opportunity to be reveng'd. _Exit._

_Sent._ She in the midst. _Lo._ She's faire, I must confesse, But does she keepe this distance out of state.

_Cel._ Though I am poore in language to expresse How much your Lordship honors me, my heart Is rich and proud in such a guest, I shall Be out of love with every aire abroad, And for his grace done my unworthy house, Be a fond prisoner, become anchorite, And spend my houres in prayer, to reward The blessing, and the bounty of this presence.

_Lor._ Though you could turne each place you move in, to A temple, rather than a wall should hide So rich a beauty from the world, it were Lesse want to lose our piety and your prayer, A throne were fitter to present you to Our wonder, whence your eyes more worth than all They looke on, should chaine every heart a prisoner.

_Sent._ Twas pretty well come off. _Lo._ By your example I shall know how to complement in this You more confirme my welcome. _Cel._ I shall love My lippes the better, if their silent language Perswade your Lordship but to thinke so truely.

_Lo._ You make me smile Madam. _Cel._ I hope you came not With feare that any sadnesse here should shake One blossome from your eye, I should be miserable To present any object should displease you.

_Lo._ You doe not Madam. _Cel._ As I should account It no lesse sorrow, if your Lordship should Lay too severe a censure on my freedome. I wonot court a Prince against his justice, Nor bribe him with a smile to thinke me honest, Pardon my Lord this boldnesse, and the mirth That may flow from me, I beleeve my father Thought of no winding sheete when he begot me.

_Lor._ She has a merry soule, it will become Me aske your pardon Madam for my rude Approach so much a stranger to your knowledge.

_Cel._ Not my Lord so much stranger to my knowledge, Though I have but seene your person a farre off, I am acquainted with your character, Which I have heard so often, I can speake it.

_Lo._ You shall doe me an honor. _Cel._ If your Lordship will Be patient. _Lo._ And glad to heare my faults.

_Cel._ That as your conscience can agree upon em, How ever if your Lordship give me priviledge, Ile tell you whats the opinion of the world.

_Lo._ You cannot please me better. _Cel._ Y'are a Lord Borne with as much nobilitie as would Divided serve to make ten noble men Without a Herald, but with so much spirit, And height of soule, as well might furnish twenty. You are learnd, a thing not compatible now With native honour, and are master of A language that doth chaine all yeares, and charme All hearts, where you perswade, a wit so flowing And prudence to correct it, that all men Beleeve they onely meete in you, which with A spacious memory make up the full wonders; To these you have knowne valour, and upon A noble cause, know how to use a sword To honors best advantage, though you were none; You are as bountifull, as the showers that fall Into the Springs greene bosome; as you were Created Lord of fortune, not her steward; So constant to the cause, in which you make Your selfe an advocate, you dare all dangers, And men had rather you should be their friend, Than justice or the bench, bound up together.

_Lor._ But did you heare all this. _Cel._ And more my Lord.

_Lor._ Pray let me have it Madam.

_Cel._ To all these vertues, there is added one, (Your Lordship will remember when I name it, I speake but what I gather from the voyce Of others) it is growne to a full fame That you have lov'd a woman. _Lo._ But one Madam?

_Cel._ Yes many, give me leave to smile my Lord, I shall not neede to interpret in what sence, But you have shewd your selfe right honorable, And for your love to Ladies have deserv'd, If their vote might prevaile a marble statue, I make no comment on the peoples text. My Lord I should be sorry to offend.

_Lor._ You cannot Madam, these are things we owe To nature for. _Cel._ And honest men will pay Their debts. _Lo._ If they be able, or compound.

_Cel._ She had a hard heart, would be unmercifull, And not give day to men so promising, But you ow'd women nothing. _Lo._ Yes I am Still in their debt, and I must owe them love, It was part of my character. _Cel._ With your Lordships Pardon I onely said, you had a fame For loving women, but of late men say You have against the imperiall lawes of love, Restraind the active flowings of your bloud, And with a Mistris buried all that is Hop'd for in loves succession, as all beauty Had died with her, and left the world benighted! In this you more dishonor all our sexe Than you did grace a part, when every where Love tempts your eye to admire a glorious harvest, And every where as full blowne eares submit Their golden heads, the laden trees bow downe Their willing fruit, and court your amorous tasting.

_Lor._ I see men would dissect me to a fibre, But doe you beleeve this? _Cel._ It is my wonder! I must confesse a man of nobler earth Then goes to vulgar composition, Borne and bred high, so unconfind, so rich In fortunes, and so read in all that summe Vp humane knowledge, to feed gloriously, And live at court, the onely spheare wherein True beauty moves, natures most wealthy garden, Where every blossome is more worth, than all The _Hesperian_ fruite, by jealous Dragon watch'd Where all delights doe circle appetite, And pleasures multiply by being tasted, Should be so lost with thought of one, turne ashes. There's nothing left my Lord that can excuse you, Vnlesse you pleade, what I am asham'd to prompt Your wisedome too? _Lo._ What that? _Cel._ That you have plaid The Surgeon with your selfe. _Lo._ And am made Eunuch.

_Cel._ It were much pitty. _Lo._ Trouble not your selfe, I could convince your feares with demonstration That I am man enough, but knew not where Vntill this meeting beauty dwelt; the court You talk'd of must be where the queene of love is, Which moves but with your person, in your eye Her glory shines, and onely at that flame Her wanton boy doth light his quickning torch.

_Cel._ Nay now you complement, I would it did My Lord for your owne sake. _Lor._ You would be kind, And love me then. _Cel._ My Lord I should be loving Where I found worth to invite it, and should cherish A constant man. _Lor._ Then you should me Madam.

_Cel._ But is the ice about your heart fallen off, Can you returne to doe what love commands? _Cupid_ thou shalt have instand sacrifice, And I dare be the Priest. _Lor._ Your hand, your lip, Now I am proofe gainst all temptation.

_Cel._ Your meaning my good Lord. _Lor._ I that have strength Against thy voyce and beauty, after this May dare the charmes of womankind, thou art _Bella Maria_ unprophaned yet, This Magicke has no power upon my bloud. Farewell Madam, if you durst be the example Of chaste as well as faire, thou wert a brave one.

_Cel._ I hope your Lordship meanes not this for earnest, Be pleasd to grace a banquet. _Lo._ Pardon Madam. _Will Sentlove_ follow, I must laugh at you.

_Cel._ My Lord I must beseech you stay, for honour For her whose memory you love best. _Lo._ Your pleasure.

_Cel._ And by that vertue you have now profest, I charge you to beleeve me too, I can Now glory, that you have beene worth my triall, Which I beseech you pardon, had not you So valiantly recoverd in this conflict, You had beene my triumph, without hope of more Than my just scorne upon your wanton flame; Nor will I thinke these noble thoughts grew first From melancholy, for some femall losse, As the phantasticke world beleeves, but from Truth, and your love of Innocence, which shine So bright in the two royall luminaries At Court, you cannot lose your way to chastitie, Proceede, and speake of me as honour guides you. _Exit Lord._ I am almost tir'd, come Ladies weele beguile Dull time, and take the aire annother while. _Exeunt._

_The fifth Act._

_Enter Aretina and Servant._

_Are._ But hath Sir _Thomas_ lost five hundred pounds Already? _Ser._ And five hundred more he borrow'd, The Dice are notable devourers Madam, They make no more of peeces, than of pebbles, But thrust their heapes together to engender, Two hundred more the Caster cries this gentleman, I am w'ee. I ha that to nothing sir, the Caster Agen, tis covered, and the table too, With summes that frighed me, here one sneakes out, And with a Martyrs patience, smiles upon His moneyes Executioner, the Dice, Commands a pipe of good Tobacco, and I'th smoke on't vanishes; another makes The bones vault ore his head, sweares that ill throwing Has put his shoulder out of joynt, calls for A bone setter that lookes to'th boxe, to bid His master send him some more hundred pounds, Which lost, he takes tobacco, and is quiet; Here a strong arme throwes in, and in, with which He brusheth all the table, payes the Rookes That went their smelts a peece upon his hand, Yet sweares he has not drawne a stake this seven yeare. But I was bid make haste, my master may Lose this five hundred pounds ere I come thither. _Exit._

_Are._ If we both waste so fast, we shall soone finde Our state is not immortall, some thing in His other wayes appeare not well already. _Enter sir Thomas._

_Bor._ Yee Tortoises, why make you no more haste, Go pay to'th master of the house that money, And tell the noble gamsters, I have another Superfluous thousand pound, at night ile visit em. Dee heare? _Ser._ Yes and please you. _Bor._ Doo't ye drudges, Ta ra ra--_Aretina_. _Ar._ You have a pleasant humor sir.

_Bor._ What should a gentleman be sad? _Ar._ You have lost.

_Bor._ A transitory summe, as good that way As another. _Are._ Doe you not vexe within for't?

_Bor._ I had rather lose a thousand more, than one Sad thought come neere my heart fort, vexe for trash, Although it goe from other men like drops Of their life bloud, we lose with the alacrity, Wee drinke a cup of sacke, or kisse a Mistris, No money is considerable with a gamster, They have soules more spacious than Kings, did two Gamsters divide the Empire of the world Theyd make one throw for't all, and he that lost Be no more melancholy, then to have plai'd for A mornings draught, vexe a rich soule for dirt, The quiet of whose every thought is worth A Province. _Are._ But when Dice have consumd all, Your patience will not pawne for as much more.

_Bor._ Hang pawning, sell outright, and the feares over.

_Are._ Say you so? I'le have another coach to morrow If there be rich above ground. _Bor._ I forgot To bid the fellow aske my Jeweller, Whether the chaine of Diamonds be made up, I will present it to my Lady _Bellamour_, Faire _Celestina_. _Are._ This gowne J have worne Sixe dayes already, it lookes dull, ile give it My waiting woman, and have one of cloth of gold enbrodered, shooes and pantables Will show well of the same. _Bor._ I have invited A covey of Ladies, and as many gentlemen To morrow to the _Italian_ Ordinary, I shall have rarities, and regalli as To pay for Madam, musicke, wanton songs, And tunes of silken petticotes to dance to.