Chapter XIX: Section IV: Of the Tenses

Tense is the distinction of time, and consists of six divisions, namely, the Present, the Imperfect, the Perfect, the Pluperfect, and the First and Second Future Tenses.

Time is also distinguished by a fore lock, scythe, and hour-glass; but the youthful reader must bear in mind, that these things are not to be confounded with tenses.

The Present Tense, as its name implies, represents an action or event occurring at the present time: as, “I lament; rogues prosper; the mob rules.”

The Imperfect Tense represents a past action or event, but which, like a mutton chop, may be either thoroughly done, or not thoroughly done; were it _meet_, we should say _under-done_: as,

“When I _was_ a little boy some fifteen years ago,
My mammy _doted_ on me--Lork! she _made_ me quite a show.”

“When our reporter left, the Honourable Gentleman _was_ still on his
legs.”

The legs of most “Honourable Gentlemen” must be tolerably stout ones; for the “majority” do not stand on trifles. However, we are not going to _commit_ ourselves, like _some_ folks, nor to get _committed_, like _other_ folks; so we will leave “_Honourable_ Gentlemen” to manage matters their own way.

The Perfect Tense declares a thing to have been done at some time, though an indefinite one, antecedent to the present time. That, however, which the Perfect Tense represents as done, is completely, or, as we say of John Bull, when he is humbugged by the thimble-rig people, regularly done; as, “I _have been_ out on the river.” “I _have caught_ a crab.”

Catching a crab is a thing _regularly_ (in another sense than completely) done, when civic swains pull young ladies up to Richmond. We beg to inform persons unacquainted with aquatic phraseology, that “pulling up” young ladies, or others, is a very different thing from “pulling up” an omnibus conductor or a cabman. What an equivocal language is ours! How much less agreeable to be “pulled up” at Bow Street than to be “pulled up” in a wherry! how wide the discrepancy between “pulling up” radishes and “pulling up” horses!

The Pluperfect Tense represents a thing as doubly past; that is, as past previously to some other point of time also past; as, “I fell in love before I _had arrived_ at years of discretion.”

The First Future Tense represents the action as yet to come, either at a certain or an uncertain time; as, “The tailor _will send_ my coat home to-morrow; and when I find it perfectly convenient, I _shall pay_ him.”

The Second Future intimates that the action will be completed at or before the time of another future action or event; as, “I wonder how many conquests I _shall have made_ by to-morrow morning.”

N.B. One ball is often the means of killing a great many people.

The consideration of the tenses suggests various moral reflections to the thinking mind.

A few examples will perhaps suffice:--

1. _Present_, though moderate fruition, is preferable to splendid, but contingent _futurity_; i. e. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

2. _Imperfect_ nutrition is less to be deprecated than privation of aliment;--a new way of putting an old proverb, which we need not again insert, respecting half a loaf.

3. _Perfect_ callidity was the distinguishing attribute of the Curved Pedestrian.

Callidity is another word for craftiness; but for the exercise of the reader’s ingenuity, we forbear to mention the person alluded to as so remarkable for his astutious qualities.

Q. What species of _writing_ is most conducive to morality?

A. _Text_-hand.