Chapter XXXII: Act THE FOURTH: Scene I

_Enter DEMIPHO and GETA._

DEM. ’Tis caused by our own fault, that it is advantageous to be dishonest; while we wish ourselves to be styled very honest and generous. “So run away as {not to run} beyond the house,”[75] as the saying is. Was it not enough to receive an injury from him, but money must be voluntarily offered him as well, that he may have something on which to subsist while he plans some other {piece} of roguery?

GETA. Most clearly so.

DEM. They now get rewarded for it, who confound right with wrong.

GETA. Most undoubtedly.

DEM. How very foolishly, in fact, we have managed the affair with him!

GETA. If by these means we can only manage for him to marry her.

DEM. Is that, then, a matter of doubt?

GETA. I’ faith, judging from what the fellow is, I don’t know whether he mightn’t change his mind.

DEM. How! change it indeed?

GETA. I don’t know: but “if perhaps,” I say.

DEM. I’ll do as my brother advised me, bring hither his wife, to talk with her. Do you, Geta, go before; tell her that Nausistrata is about to visit her. (_DEMIPHO goes into the house of CHREMES._)

SCENE II.

_GETA, alone._

GETA. The money’s been got for Phædria; it’s all hushed about the lawsuit; due care has been taken that she’s not to leave for the present. What next, then? What’s to be done? You are still sticking in the mud. You are paying by borrowing;[76] the evil that was at hand, has been put off for a day. The toils are increasing upon you, if you don’t look out. Now I’ll away home, and tell Phanium not to be afraid of Nausistrata, or his talking.[77] (_Goes into the house of DEMIPHO._)

SCENE III.

_Enter DEMIPHO and NAUSISTRATA, from the house of CHREMES._

DEM. Come now, Nausistrata, after your usual way, manage to keep her in good-humor with us, {and} make her do of her own accord what must be done.

NAUS. I will.

DEM. You are now seconding me with your endeavors, just as you assisted me with your money[78] before.

NAUS. I wish to do so; and yet, i’ faith, through the fault of my husband, I am less able than I ought to be.

DEM. Why so?

NAUS. Because, i’ faith, he takes such indifferent care of the property that was so industriously acquired by my father; for from those farms he used regularly to receive two talents of silver {yearly}; there’s an instance, how superior one man is to another.

DEM. Two {talents}, pray?

NAUS. {Aye}, and when things were much worse, two talents even.

DEM. Whew!

NAUS. What! does this seem surprising?

DEM. Of course it does.

NAUS. I wish I had been born a man; I’d have shown----

DEM. That I’m quite sure of.

NAUS. In what way----

DEM. Forbear, pray, that you may be able {to do battle} with her; lest she, {being} a young woman, may be more than a match for you.

NAUS. I’ll do as you bid me; but I see my husband coming out of your house.

SCENE IV.

_Enter CHREMES, hastily, from DEMIPHO’S house._

CHREM. Ha! Demipho, has the money been paid him yet?

DEM. I took care immediately.

CHREM. I wish it hadn’t been paid him. (_On seeing NAUSISTRATA, aside._) Halloo, I espy my wife; I had almost said more than I ought.

DEM. Why do you wish I hadn’t, Chremes?

CHREM. It’s all right.

DEM. What {say} you? Have you been letting her know why we are going to bring her? (_pointing to NAUSISTRATA._)

CHREM. I’ve arranged it.

DEM. Pray, what does she say?

CHREM. She can’t be got to leave.

DEM. Why can’t she?

CHREM. Because they are fond of one another.

DEM. What’s that to us?

CHREM. (_apart, to DEMIPHO._) A great deal; besides that, I’ve found out that she is related to us.

DEM. (_apart._) What! You are mad, {surely}.

CHREM. (_apart._) So you will find; I don’t speak at random; I’ve recovered my recollection.

DEM. (_apart._) Are you quite in your senses?

CHREM. (_apart._) Nay, prithee, do take care not to injure your kinswoman.

DEM. (_apart._) She is not.

CHREM. (_apart._) Don’t deny it; her father went by another name; that was the cause of your mistake.

DEM. (_apart._) Did she not know who was her father?

CHREM. (_apart._) She did.

DEM. (_apart._) Why did she call him by another {name}?

CHREM. (_apart, frowning._) Will you never yield to me, nor understand {what I mean}?

DEM. (_apart._) If you don’t tell me of any thing----

CHREM. (_impatiently._) Do you persist?

NAUS. I wonder what {all} this can be.

DEM. For my part, upon my faith, I don’t know.

CHREM. (_whispering to him._) Would you like to know? Then, so may Jupiter preserve me, not a person is there more nearly related to her than are you and I.

DEM. (_starting._) Ye Gods, by our trust in you! let’s away to her; I wish for all of us, one way or other, to be sure about this (_going_).

CHREM. (_stopping him._) Ah!

DEM. What’s the matter?

CHREM. That you should put so little confidence in me!

DEM. Do you wish me to believe you? Do you wish me to consider this as quite certain? Very well, be it so. Well, what’s to be done with our friend’s[79] daughter?

CHREM. She’ll do well enough.

DEM. Are we to drop her, then?

CHREM. Why not?

DEM. The other one to stop?

CHREM. Just so.

DEM. You may go then, Nausistrata.

NAUS. I’ faith, I think it better for all that she should remain here as it is, than as you {first} intended; for she seemed to me a very genteel person when I saw her. (_Goes into her house._)

SCENE V.

_DEMIPHO and CHREMES._

DEM. What is the meaning of all this?

CHREM. (_looking at the door of his house._) Has she shut the door yet?

DEM. Now {she has}.

CHREM. O Jupiter! the Gods do befriend us; I have found that it is my daughter married to your son.

DEM. Ha! How can that possibly be?

CHREM. This spot is not exactly suited for me to tell it {you}.

DEM. Well then, step in-doors.

CHREM. Hark you, I don’t wish our sons even to come to know of this. (_They go into DEMIPHO’S house._)

SCENE VI.

_Enter ANTIPHO._

ANT. I’m glad that, however my own affairs go, my brother has succeeded in his wishes. How wise it is to cherish desires of that nature in the mind, that when things run counter, you may easily find a cure {for them}! He has both got the money, {and} released himself from care; I, by no method, can extricate myself from these troubles; on the contrary, if the matter is concealed, {I am} in dread-- but if disclosed, in disgrace. Neither should I now go home, were not a hope {still} presented me of retaining her. But where, I wonder, can I find Geta, that I may ask him what opportunity he would recommend me to take for meeting my father?

SCENE VII.

_Enter PHORMIO, at a distance._

PHOR. (_to himself._) I received the money; handed it over to the Procurer; brought away the woman, that Phædria might have her as his own-- for she has {now} become free. Now there is one thing still remaining for me to manage,-- to get a respite from the old gentlemen for carousing; for I’ll enjoy myself the {next} few days.

ANT. But {here’s} Phormio. (_Going up to him._) What have you to say?

PHOR. About what?

ANT. Why-- what’s Phædria going to do now? In what way does he say that he intends to take his fill of love?

PHOR. In his turn, he’s going to act your part.

ANT. What {part}?

PHOR. To run away from his father; he begs that you in your return will act on his behalf-- to plead his cause for him. For he’s going to carouse at my house. I shall tell the old man that I’m going to Sunium, to the fair, to purchase the female servant that Geta mentioned a while since, so that, when they don’t see me here, they mayn’t suppose that I’m squandering their money. But there is a noise at the door of your house.

ANT. See who’s coming out.

PHOR. It’s Geta.

SCENE VIII.

_Enter GETA, at a distance, hastily, from the house of DEMIPHO._

GETA. (_to himself._) O fortune! O good luck![80] with blessings how great, how suddenly hast thou loaded this day with thy favors to my master Antipho!--

ANT. (_apart to PHORMIO._) I wonder what it is he means.

GETA. (_continuing._) And relieved us, his friends, from alarm; but I’m now delaying, in not throwing my cloak[81] over my shoulder (_throws it over his shoulder_), and making haste to find him, that he may know what has happened.

ANT. (_apart to PHORMIO._) Do you understand what he’s talking about?

PHOR. (_apart to ANTIPHO._) Do you?

ANT. (_apart to PHORMIO._) Not at all.

PHOR. (_apart to ANTIPHO._) And I just as much.

GETA. (_to himself._) I’ll be off hence to the Procurer’s; they are there just now. (_Runs along._)

ANT. (_calling out._) Halloo! Geta!

GETA. (_still running._) There’s for you. Is it any thing new or wonderful to be called back, directly you’ve started?

ANT. Geta!

GETA. Do you persist? Troth, you shall not on this occasion get the better of me by your annoyance.

ANT. (_running after him._) Won’t you stop?

GETA. You’ll be getting a beating.

ANT. Assuredly that will befall yourself just now unless you stop, you whip-knave.

GETA. This must be some one pretty familiar, threatening me with a beating. (_Turns round._) But is it the person I’m in search of or not? ’Tis the very man! Up to him at once.

ANT. What’s the matter?

GETA. O being most blessed of all men living! For without question, Antipho, you are the only favorite of the Gods.

ANT. So I could wish; but I should like to be told why I’m to believe it is so.

GETA. Is it enough if I plunge you into a sea of joy?

ANT. You are worrying me to death.

PHOR. Nay but do have done with your promises, and tell us what you bring.

GETA. (_looking round._) Oh, are you here too, Phormio?

PHOR. I am: but {why} do you delay?

GETA. Listen, then. When we just now paid you the money at the Forum, we went straight to Chremes; in the mean time, my master sent me to your wife.

ANT. What for?

GETA. I’ll omit telling you {that}, as it is nothing to the present purpose, Antipho. Just as I was going to the woman’s apartments, the boy Mida came running up to me, and caught me behind by my cloak, {and} pulled me back; I turned about, {and} inquired for what reason he stopped me; he said that it was forbidden for any one to go in to his mistress. “Sophrona has just now,” said he, “introduced here Chremes, the old gentleman’s brother,” and {he said} that he was then in the room with them: when I heard this, on tip-toe I stole softly along; I came there, stood, held my breath, I applied my ear, {and} so began to listen, catching the conversation every word in this fashion (_shows them_).

ANT. Well done, Geta.

GETA. Here I overheard a very pretty piece of business; so much so that I had nearly cried out for joy.

ANT. What {was it}?

GETA. (_laughing._) What do you think?

ANT. I don’t know.

GETA. Why, something most marvelous. Your uncle has been discovered to be the father of your wife, Phanium.

ANT. (_starting._) Ha! what’s that you say?

GETA. He formerly cohabited secretly with her mother at Lemnos.

PHOR. A dream: how could she be ignorant about her own father?

GETA. Be sure, Phormio, that there is some reason: but do you suppose that, outside of the door, I was able to understand every thing that passed between them within?

ANT. On my faith, I too have heard the same story.

GETA. Aye, and I’ll give you still further reason for believing it: your uncle in the mean time came out from there; not long after he returned again, with your father; each said that he gave you permission to retain her; in fine, I’ve been sent to find you, and bring you to them.

ANT. Why then carry me off[82] {at once};-- why do you delay?

GETA. I’ll do so.

ANT. O my {dear} Phormio, farewell!

PHOR. Farewell, Antipho. (_ANTIPHO and GETA go into DEMIPHO’S house._)

SCENE IX.

_PHORMIO, alone._

PHOR. So may the Gods bless me, this has turned out luckily. I’m glad {of it}, that such good fortune has thus suddenly befallen them. I have now an excellent opportunity for diddling the old men, and ridding Phædria of {all} anxiety about the money, so that he mayn’t be under the necessity of applying to any of his companions. For this same money, as it has been given him, shall be given {for good}, whether they like it or not: how to force them to this, I’ve found out the very way. I must now assume a new air and countenance. But I’ll betake myself off to this next alley; from that spot I’ll present myself to them, when they come out of doors. I sha’n’t go to the fair, where I pretended I was going. (_He retires into the alley._)