Chapter X: Act THE THIRD: Scene I

_Enter THRASO and GNATHO._

THRA. Did Thais really return me many thanks?

GNA. Exceeding {thanks}.

THRA. Was she delighted, say you?

GNA. Not so much, indeed, at the present itself, as because it was given by you; really, in right earnest, she does exult at that.

_Enter PARMENO unseen, from LACHES’ house._

PAR. (_apart._) I’ve come here to be on the look-out, that when there is an opportunity I may take {the presents}. But see, here’s the Captain.

THRA. Undoubtedly it is the case with me, that every thing I do is a cause for thankfulness.

GNA. Upon my faith, I’ve observed it.

THRA. The most mighty King,[62] even, always used to give me especial thanks for whatever I did; but not so to others.

GNA. He who has the wit that you have, often by his words appropriates to himself the glory that has been achieved by the labor of others.

THRA. You’ve just hit it.[63]

GNA. The king, then, kept you in his eye.[64]

THRA. Just so.

GNA. To enjoy your society.

THRA. True; he intrusted {to me} all his army, all his state secrets.

GNA. Astonishing!

THRA. Then if, on any occasion, a surfeit of society, or a dislike of business, came upon him, when he was desirous to take some recreation; just as though-- you understand?[65]

GNA. I know; just as though on occasion he would rid his mind of those anxieties.

THRA. You have it. Then he used to take me aside as his only boon companion.

GNA. Whew! You are telling of a King of refined taste.

THRA. Aye, he is a person of that sort; a man of but very few acquaintanceships.

GNA. (_aside._) Indeed, of none,[66] I fancy, if he’s on intimate terms with you.

THRA. All the people envied me, and attacked me privately. I don’t care one straw. They envied me dreadfully; but one in particular, whom {the King} had appointed over the Indian elephants.[67] Once, when he became particularly troublesome, “Prithee, Strato,” said I, “are you so fierce because you hold command over the wild beasts?”

GNA. Cleverly said, upon my faith, and shrewdly. Astounding! You did give the fellow a home thrust. What said he?

THRA. Dumfounded, instantaneously.

GNA. How could he be otherwise?

PAR. (_apart._) Ye Gods, by our trust in you! a lost and miserable fellow the one, and the other a scoundrel.

THRA. Well then, about that matter, Gnatho, the way in which I touched up the Rhodian at a banquet-- did I never tell you?

GNA. Never; but pray, do tell me. (_Aside._) I’ve heard it more than a thousand times already.

THRA. There was in my company at a banquet, this young man of Rhodes, whom I’m speaking of. By chance I had a mistress there; he began to toy with her, and to annoy me. “What are you doing, sir impudence?” said I to the fellow; “a hare yourself, and looking out for game?”[68]

GNA. (_pretending to laugh very heartily._) Ha, ha, ha!

THRA. What’s the matter?

GNA. How apt, how smart, how clever; nothing {could be} more excellent. Prithee, was this a saying of yours? I fancied it was an old one.

THRA. Did you ever hear it before?

GNA. Many a time; and it is mentioned among the first-rate ones.

THRA. It’s my own.

GNA. I’m sorry {though} that it was said to a thoughtless young man, and one of respectability.

PAR. (_apart._) May the Gods confound you!

GNA. Pray, what {did} he {do}?

THRA. Quite disconcerted. All who were present were dying with laughter; in short, they were all quite afraid of me.

GNA. Not without reason.

THRA. But hark you, had I best clear myself of this to Thais, as to her suspicion that I’m fond of this girl?

GNA. By no means: on the contrary, rather increase her jealousy.

THRA. Why so?

GNA. Do you ask me? Don’t you see, if on any occasion she makes mention of Phædria or commends him, to provoke you----

THRA. I understand.

GNA. That such may not be the case, this method is the only remedy. When she speaks of Phædria, do you instantly {mention} Pamphila. If at any time she says, “Let’s invite Phædria to make one,” {do} you {say}, “Let’s {ask} Pamphila to sing.” If she praises his good looks, do you, on the other hand, praise hers. In short, do you return like for like, which will mortify her.

THRA. If, indeed, she loved me,[69] this might be of some use, Gnatho.

GNA. Since she is impatient for and loves that which you give her, she already loves you; as it is, {then}, it is an easy matter for her to feel vexed. She will be always afraid lest the presents which she herself is now getting, you may on some occasion be taking elsewhere.

THRA. Well said; that never came into my mind.

GNA. Nonsense. You never thought about it; else how much more readily would you yourself have hit upon it, Thraso!

SCENE II.

_Enter THAIS from her house, attended by PYTHIAS._

THAIS, (_as she comes out._) I thought I just now heard the Captain’s voice. And look, here he is. Welcome, my {dear} Thraso.

THRA. O my Thais, my sweet one, how are you? How much do you love me in return for that music girl?

PAR. (_apart._) How polite! What a beginning he has made on meeting her!

THAIS. Very much, as you deserve.

GNA. Let’s go to dinner then. (_To THRASO._) What do you stand {here} for?

PAR. (_apart._) Then there’s the other one: you would declare that he was born for his belly’s sake.

THRA. When you please; I sha’n’t delay.

PAR. (_apart._) I’ll accost them, and pretend as though I had just come out. (_He comes forward._) Are you going any where, Thais?

THAIS. Ha! Parmeno; well done; {just} going out for the day.

PAR. Where?

THAIS, (_aside, pointing at THRASO._) Why! don’t you see him?

PAR. (_aside._) I see him, and I’m sorry for it. (_Aloud._) Phædria’s presents are ready for you when you please.

THRA. (_impatiently._) Why are we to stand {here}? Why don’t we be off?

PAR. (_to THRASO._) Troth now, pray, do let us, with your leave, present to her the things we intend, {and} accost and speak to her.

THRA. (_ironically._) Very fine presents, I suppose, or {at least} equal to mine.

PAR. The fact will prove itself. (_Goes to the door of LACHES’ house and calls._) Ho there! bid those people come out of doors at once, as I ordered.

_Enter from the house a BLACK GIRL._

PAR. Do you step forward this way, (_To THAIS._) She comes all the way from Æthiopia.

THRA. (_contemptuously._) Here are some three minæ in value.

GNA. Hardly so much.

PAR. Where are you, Dorus? Step this way.

_Enter CHÆREA from the house, dressed like the EUNUCH._

PAR. There’s a Eunuch for you-- of what a genteel appearance! of what a prime age!

THAIS. God bless me, he’s handsome.

PAR. What say you, Gnatho? Do you see any thing to find fault with? And what {say} you, Thraso? (_Aside._) They hold their tongues; they praise him sufficiently {thereby}. (_To THAIS._) Make trial of him in literature, try him in exercises,[70] and in music; I’ll warrant him well skilled in what it becomes a gentleman to know.

THRA. That Eunuch, if occasion served,[71] even in my sober senses, I--

PAR. And he who has sent these things makes no request that you will live for him alone, and that for his own sake others may be excluded; he neither tells of battles nor shows his scars, nor does he restrict you as (_looking at THRASO_) a certain person does; but when it is not inconvenient, whenever you think fit, whenever you have the time, he is satisfied to be admitted.

THRA. (_to GNATHO, contemptuously._) It appears that this is the servant of some beggarly, wretched master.

GNA. Why, faith, no person, I’m quite sure of that, could possibly put up with him, who had the means to get another.

PAR. You hold your tongue-- a fellow whom I consider beneath all men of the very lowest grade: for when you can bring yourself to flatter that fellow (_pointing at THRASO_), I do believe you could pick your victuals out of the {very} flames.[72]

THRA. Are we to go now?

THAIS. I’ll take these in-doors first (_pointing to CHÆREA and the ÆTHIOPIAN_), and at the same time I’ll order what I wish; after that I’ll return immediately. (_Goes into the house with PYTHIAS, CHÆREA, and the SLAVE._)

THRA. (_to GNATHO._) I shall be off. Do you wait for her.

PAR. It is not a proper thing for a general to be walking in the street with a mistress.

THRA. Why should I use many words with you? You are the very ape of your master. (_Exit PARMENO._

GNA. (_laughing._) Ha, ha, ha!

THRA. What are you laughing at?

GNA. At what you were mentioning just now; that saying, too, about the Rhodian, recurred to my mind. But Thais is coming out.

THRA. You go before; take care that every thing is ready at home.

GNA. Very well. (_Exit._

_Re-enter THAIS, with PYTHIAS and FEMALE ATTENDANTS._

THAIS. Take care, Pythias, and be sure that if Chremes should happen to come,[73] to beg him to wait; if that is not convenient, then to come again; if he can not do that, bring him to me.

PYTH. I’ll do so.

THAIS. Well, what else was I intending to say? O, do you take particular care of that young woman; be sure that you keep at home.

THRA. Let us begone.

THAIS, (_to her attendants._) You follow me. (_Exeunt THAIS and THRASO, followed by the Attendants. PYTHIAS goes into the house._)

SCENE III.

_Enter CHREMES._

CHREM. (_to himself._) Why, really, the more and more I think of it, I shouldn’t be surprised if this Thais should be doing me {some} great mischief; so cunningly do I perceive myself beset by her. Even on the occasion when she first requested me to be fetched to her (any one might ask me, “What business had you with her?” Really I don’t know.) When I came, she found an excuse for me to remain there; she said that she had been offering a sacrifice,[74] and that she was desirous to speak upon some important business with me. Even then I had a suspicion that all these things were being done for her artful purposes. She takes her place beside me; pays every attention to me; seeks an opportunity of conversation. When {the conversation} flagged, she turned off to this point-- how long since my father and mother died? I said that it was now a long time ago. Whether I had any country-house at Sunium, and how far from the sea? I suppose that this has taken her fancy, {and} she expects to get it away from me. Then at last, whether any little sister of mine had been lost from there; whether any person was with her; what she had about her when she was lost; whether any one could recognize her. Why should she make these inquiries? Unless, perhaps, she pretends-- so great is her assurance-- that she herself is the same person that was formerly lost when a little girl. But if she is alive, she is sixteen years old, not older; {whereas} Thais is somewhat older than I am. She has sent to press me earnestly to come. Either let her speak out what she wants, or not be troublesome; I assuredly shall not come a third time (_knocking at the door of THAIS_). Ho! there, ho! there! Is any one here? It’s I, Chremes.

SCENE IV.

_Enter PYTHIAS from the house._

PYTH. O most charming, dear creature!

CHREM. (_apart._) I said there was a design upon me.

PYTH. Thais entreated you most earnestly to come again to-morrow.

CHREM. I’m going into the country.

PYTH. Do, there’s a dear sir.

CHREM. I can not, I tell you.

PYTH. Then stay here at our house till she comes back.

CHREM. Nothing less likely.

PYTH. Why, my dear Chremes? (_Taking hold of him._)

CHREM. (_shaking her off._) Away to perdition with you!

PYTH. If you are so determined about it, pray do step over to the place where she is.

CHREM. I’ll go {there}.

PYTH. (_calling at the door._) {Here}, Dorias (_DORIAS enters_), show this person directly to the Captain’s.

(_Exit CHREMES with DORIAS, PYTHIAS goes into the house._

SCENE V.

_Enter ANTIPHO._

ANT. (_to himself._) Yesterday some young fellows of us agreed together at the Piræus that we were to go shares today in a club-entertainment. We gave Chærea charge of this matter; our rings were given[75] as {pledges}; the place and time arranged. The time has {now} gone by; at the place appointed there was nothing ready. The fellow himself is nowhere {to be} met with; I neither know what to say nor what to suppose. Now the rest have commissioned me with this business, to look for him. I’ll go see, therefore, if he’s at home. But who’s this, I wonder, coming out of Thais’s? Is it he, or is it not? ’Tis the very man! What, sort of being is this? What kind of garb is this? What mischief is going on now? I can not sufficiently wonder or conjecture. But, whatever it is, I should like first at a distance to try and find out. (_He stands apart._)

SCENE VI.

_Enter CHÆREA from the house of Thais, in the EUNUCH’S dress._

CHÆ. (_looking around, then aloud to himself._) Is there anybody here? There’s no one. Is there any one following me from there? There’s not a person. Now am I not at liberty to give vent to these raptures? O supreme Jupiter! now assuredly is the time for me to meet my death,[76] when I can so well endure it; lest my life should sully this ecstasy with some disaster. But is there now no inquisitive person to be intruding upon me, to be following me wherever I go, to be deafening me, worrying me to death, with asking questions; why {thus} transported, or why {so} overjoyed, whither I’m going, whence I’m come, where I got this garb, what is my object, whether I’m in my senses or whether downright mad?

ANT. (_apart._) I’ll accost him, and I’ll do him the favor which I see he’s wishing for. (_Accosting him._) Chærea, why are you thus transported? What’s the object of this garb? Why is it that you’re so overjoyed? What is the meaning of this? Are you quite right in your senses? Why do you stare at me? What have you to say?

CHÆ. O joyous day! O welcome, my friend! There’s not one in all the world whom I would rather wish to see at this moment than yourself.

ANT. Pray, do tell me what all this means.

CHÆ. Nay rather, i’faith, I beg of you to listen to me. Do you know the mistress whom my brother is so fond of?

ANT. I know her; I suppose you mean Thais?

CHÆ. The very same.

ANT. So far I recollect.

CHÆ. To-day a certain damsel was presented to her. Why now should I extol or commend her beauty to you, Antipho, since you yourself know how nice a judge of beauty I am? I have been smitten by her.

ANT. Do you say so?

CHÆ. If you saw her, I am sure you would say she’s exquisite. What need of many words? I fell in love with her. By good luck there was at our house a certain Eunuch, whom my brother had purchased for Thais, and he had not as yet been sent to her. On this occasion, Parmeno, our servant, made a suggestion to me, which I adopted.

ANT. What was it?

CHÆ. {Be} quiet, {and} you shall hear the sooner; to change clothes with him, and order myself to be taken there in his stead.

ANT. What, instead of the Eunuch?

CHÆ. The fact.

ANT. To receive what advantage, pray, from this plan?

CHÆ. Do you ask? That I might see, hear, and be in company with her whom I loved, Antipho. Is {that} a slight motive, or a poor reason? I was presented to {the} woman. She, as soon as she received me, joyfully took me home to her house and intrusted the damsel--

ANT. To whom? To you?

CHÆ. To me.

ANT. (_ironically._) In perfect safety, at all events.

CHÆ. She gave orders that we male was to come near her, and commanded me not to stir away from her; that I was to remain alone with her in the inner apartments.[77] Looking bashfully on the ground, I nodded assent.

ANT. (_ironically._) Poor fellow!

CHÆ. (_continuing._) “I am going out,” said she, “to dinner.” She took her maids with her; a few novices of girls[78] remained, to be about her. These immediately made preparations for her to bathe. I urged them to make haste. While preparations were being made, the damsel sat in a room looking up at a certain painting,[79] in which was represented how Jove[80] is said once to have sent a golden shower into the bosom of Danaë. I myself began to look at it as well, and as he had in former times played the like game, I felt extremely delighted that a God should change himself into money, and slily come through the tiles of another person’s house, to deceive the fair one by means of a shower. But what God was {this}? He who shakes the most lofty temples of heaven with his thunders. Was I, a poor creature of a mortal,[81] not to do the same? Certainly, I was to do it, and without hesitation. While I was thinking over these matters with myself, the damsel meantime was fetched away to bathe; she went, bathed, and came back; after which they laid her on a couch. I stood waiting to see if they gave me any orders. One came up, “Here, Dorus,” said she, “take this fan,[82] and let her have a little air in this fashion, while we are bathing; when we have bathed, if you like, you may bathe too.” With a demure air I took it.

ANT. Really, I should very much have liked to see that impudent face of yours just then, and what figure a great donkey like you made, holding a fan!

CHÆ. (_continuing._) Hardly had she said this, when all, in a moment, betook themselves off: away they went to bathe, and chattered aloud;[83] just as the way is when masters are absent. Meanwhile, sleep overtook the damsel; I slily looked askance[84] through the fan;[85] this way (_showing how_): at the same time I looked round in all directions, to see whether all was quite safe. I saw that it was. I bolted the door.

ANT. What then?

CHÆ. Eh? What then, {you} simpleton?

ANT. I own I am.

CHÆ. Was I to let slip the opportunity offered me, so excellent, so short-lived,[86] so longed for, so unexpected. In that case, i’faith, I really should have been the person I was pretending to be.

ANT. Troth, you certainly are in the right; but, meantime, what has been arranged about the club-entertainment?

CHÆ. All’s ready.

ANT. You are a clever band; but where? At your house?

CHÆ. No, at Discus’s, our freedman.

ANT. That’s a long way off.

CHÆ. Then let’s make so much the greater haste.

ANT. Change your dress.

CHÆ. Where am I to change it? I’m at a loss; for at present I’m an exile from home; I’m afraid of my brother, lest he should be in-doors: and then again of my father, lest he should have returned from the country by this.

ANT. Let’s go to my house; there is the nearest place for you to change.

CHÆ. You say right. Let’s be off; besides, I want to take counsel with you about this girl, by what means I may be able to secure the future possession of her.

ANT. Very well. (_Exeunt._