Chapter IX: Fooling Mr. Fox

It was fully ten minutes before Mr. Bunny brought the conversation with his wife to a close, and then she hopped away as if very angry, looking over her shoulder now and then at him as he jumped up on the log again.

"Yes, that is Mrs. Bunny," he said with a sigh, as he stroked his whiskers thoughtfully. "Do you know, that foolish rabbit thinks I'm wasting my time, sitting here telling you stories about the club members, because she wanted me to run over to Mr. Man's farm for more young carrots. Upon my word I'm almost ashamed to call on him so often; it really seems as if I, and other members of the Rabbit family, had gathered more than half his crop already, and surely he ought to have a few after he has spent so much time planting them for us and his boy Tommy has very nearly broken his back at the weeding.

"There isn't the least little bit of danger in running over there, especially if he has gone out with Towser, as she said, and I asked why it was that a big fellow like Sonny Bunny couldn't go after a few carrots when his father had other business on hand. Then, if you'll believe it, she almost the same as accused me of being willing to send Sonny into danger because I was afraid to go myself, and I the very rabbit who killed Grandfather Fox!

"Well, I didn't really put him out of the world with my own paws; but I led him into a trap where Mr. Man found him later, and if that isn't the same as killing him I'd like to know what it is? Mrs. Bunny is forever wanting carrots; if her head aches, there's nothing to be done but get young carrots, when they're in season, I mean. If she gets nervous about Sonny Bunny, then the only thing to straighten her out is a bunch of carrots, and so it goes on all the time, till I'm actually worn down to skin and bones ministering to her whims.

"How did I kill Grandfather Fox? That's a long story; but I'll tell it to you as soon as I finish with Jimmy Hedgehog's narrow escape, and surely he did have the slimmest squeak for his life that ever any animal had! When Mr. Man's gun went off at the very minute Jimmy jumped, I thought for certain he was a gone hedgehog, and was wondering whether I couldn't get Mr. Crow to go and break the news to his family; but a minute later I saw the bushes waving furiously over by the stone wall. Then I looked around for the dead body, and so did Mr. Man, but it wasn't there. 'Cause why? 'Cause Jimmy wasn't anywhere near dead.

"How Mr. Man did scold because he didn't find any hedgehog lying around loose! He blamed it on the gun; then he declared that it was all owing to old Mr. Crow, and vowed he'd spend the rest of the week hunting for the president of the club, just because he had warned Jimmy. Well, he might hunt two weeks for Mr. Crow, and unless he came upon him when the old fellow was asleep, I'll answer for it he couldn't kill him, for the president of our club is always wide awake.

"Do you know, I've seen Mr. Man, his boy Tommy, and two of the servants, out looking for that same old crow, and shooting off their guns till you'd thought it was Fourth of July, and yet never a single tail feather belonging to Mr. Crow was rumpled. When you catch Mr. Weasel asleep you may kill that bird; but not before.

"Of course, when I saw that Jimmy had got away I started off after him, for it wasn't pleasant to stay there while Mr. Man was in such a rage, because he might try to get even with me on account of the carrots, so off I toddled, taking precious good care to keep under cover all the while, till I came to the big oak, and there was Jimmy, washing his face. I can't make out how he succeeds in doing it without nearly killing himself with the quills that stick up all over his body.

"'He never touched me!' Jimmy said with a grin, when he saw me, and I thought that was a good time to read him a lecture on the wicked folly of being so careless when he knew as well as I do that everybody on the farm is ready to kill one of the Hedgehog family, though why people should be so down on Jimmy's folks I can't make out, for they mind their business as a general rule.

"'You needn't talk to me,' Jimmy said before I'd more than half spoken what was in my mind. 'After that jump of mine I'll back myself against the whole farm gang.'

"'But you'd have stood there like a silly till your head was shot off if it hadn't been for Mr. Crow,' I said, just a bit provoked because Jimmy seemed to take all the credit of the escape to himself.

"'How do you know?' he asked, speaking as pert as ever did Cheeko. 'You can't tell, but I was getting ready to jump at the very minute Mr. Crow came sailing around, as if he'd gone crazy.'

"Now what do you think of such talk as that from a fellow who had barely pulled through by the skin of his teeth? I didn't waste any more time on him, but walked off, and then was the time that I killed Grandfather Fox. You see the old fellow had been after my scalp more times than I've got claws on my paws, and it so happened that I always gave him the slip without trying very hard; but Mrs. Bunny had said to me over and over again:

"'Don't crow, Bunny; at least, don't crow so loud. Don't you know that pride goeth before a fall? Some day you'll meet Grandfather Fox where he'll have the best of it, and then Sonny will be without a father.'

"I made believe laugh, when Mrs. Bunny said such things, but 'way down in my heart I was frightened, for it stood to reason that I couldn't always expect to come off best when I ran up against an old villain like him. But what could I do? You wouldn't expect that I'd stay at home every minute just because of being scared. Why, everybody in the big woods would be laughing at me worse than ever; they say now that I'm afraid of my own shadow, but it isn't true, as any one who ever saw me dancing in the moonlight can testify. Besides, it is my business as the head of the family to do the marketing, and if I laid at home snug Mrs. Bunny and Sonny would stand a chance of starving to death.

"You can put it down in your hat that I was mighty cautious, however, whenever I went out, for I said to myself that if Grandfather Fox ever got his teeth into my back it wouldn't be owing to my own carelessness.

"Well, as I was saying, I walked away when Jimmy Hedgehog began to make so much foolish talk, and just for the moment had forgotten all about that miserable fox, when whom should I see staring straight at me but the old fellow himself, and by the way he was licking his chops I knew he felt certain I was his meat at last. But the matter wasn't settled by considerable, for he was on one side of a barbed-wire fence and I on the other, so there was something to be done before he could put me into a pie.

"You can make up your mind that I did a power of thinking in a few seconds, and even if I am just the least little bit cowardly when it comes to fighting, I'm a master hand at finding my way out of a bad scrape. That very morning I had seen Mr. Man and his boy Tommy setting a big steel trap down at the edge of the swamp on the very side of the fence I then was, and it seemed to me as if it might do me a world of good just at that time.

"'Good-morning, Grandfather,' I said, mild as milk, and staring at the wicked old fellow as if he were the best friend a lone rabbit could possibly have.

"'How well you look, Bunny,' he said, opening his mouth till I could see every tooth he had, and knew he was longing to stick them into me. 'I don't believe I ever saw a prettier coat than the one you have on. There was a time, after you had met the 'Squire, when it was rather ragged.'

"'I've had it mended since then,' and I laughed as if believing he had said something terribly funny, for, even if I'm not the bravest animal in the world, I wouldn't let a mangy old fox think I was afraid of him, no matter how scared I might be.

"'You and I haven't been very good friends in the past; but it isn't too late to change all that,' and he came close up to the fence as he spoke, while I looked over my shoulder to see that the way was clear for running, as I said:

"'I've always been busy when you wanted a chat; but now that we're on the opposite sides of a fence, and the barbs on the wires are mighty sharp, there's no reason why we shouldn't get better acquainted.'

"'That's what I would like,' and he grinned till I could see half-way down his throat. 'The only trouble is that I've got a dreadful cold, and it tears me all to pieces to speak loudly enough for you to hear. Why not come on this side, or wait till I can get over on that, and then we can talk at our leisure?'

"'That's what I'd like to do,' and I shook my ears in a way such as I knew provoked him; 'but Mrs. Bunny says that colds are catching, and I wouldn't like to run the chances of taking yours.'

"Then he wrinkled up his nose as he looked around to find a way to jump at me without taking the risk of getting torn pretty near to pieces on the barbs, and don't forget that I kept my ears moving mighty fast, for there was no telling when my legs would be needed to save my skin. It wasn't many seconds before I saw his tail begin to swing from one side to the other, and I knew he'd made up some plan in his mind, so I said free and easy like, but keeping my eye on the path all the while:

"'I know you'd like to have me stay with you longer, Grandfather Fox, but we're expecting company at our house to-night, and I must be moving, else Mrs. Bunny will begin to think I've fallen in with rogues. Perhaps when we meet again I'll have more time.'

"Then I started off limperty, limperty, limp, as if I weren't in any very great hurry, and the old fellow trotted along on the other side of the fence, watching out sharp for a chance to get through.

"It wasn't a great while before we came to where one of the wires had been broken, and I knew that it was up to me to show how fast we rabbits could run, for he came through with a rush, as he snarled:

"'I reckon you'd better go home with me this time, Bunny. It so happens that my wife is expecting company, too, and she is needing a fat rabbit like you for dinner.'

"It would really have done your heart good if you could have seen how I skipped over the ground, with that red-mouthed old fellow so close behind that his breath actually ruffled the fur on my back. Just for a minute I began to think that I had taken too many chances, and would really go home with the villain, for one of his strides was equal to three or four of mine, and he was putting in his best licks, as I knew only too well, having been chased by him many a time before.

"Then, and it wasn't any too soon, I can tell you, we came to the clump of bushes where I knew Mr. Man and his boy Tommy had hidden the trap, and you'd better believe I gathered my legs under me for the jump of my life, for if I made a mistake then I was done for, sure.

"You'd thought I had wings by the way I went up into the air, counting on striking the bushes near the top so's not to get caught, and as luck would have it, I hit the mark just right. Over I went quick as a shot, and in a jiffy I'd doubled back, getting under cover at the very moment when Grandfather Fox tried the jump.

"The old fellow wasn't as spry on his feet as he had been the last time we had a race, and when he came down, instead of clearing the bushes as I had done, he flopped right down into the middle of them. I heard a sharp click, and then such a howl as never was in the big woods before. Grandfather Fox had landed exactly where I counted he would!" and Bunny Rabbit rocked to and fro on the log, hugging his knees with his fore paws, laughing until it was absolutely impossible for him to continue his story for several minutes.