Chapter IV: And Makes Nursery Rhymes

1

THE DINERS IN THE KITCHEN

Our dog Fred
Et the bread.

Our dog Dash
Et the hash.

Our dog Pete
Et the meat.

Our dog Davy
Et the gravy.

Our dog Toffy
Et the coffee.

Our dog Jake
Et the cake.

Our dog Trip
Et the dip.

And--the worst,
From the first,--

Our dog Fido
Et the pie-dough.

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2

THE IMPERIOUS ANGLER

Miss Medairy Dory-Ann
Cast her line and caught a man,

But when he looked so pleased, alack!
She unhooked and plunked him back.--
"I never like to catch what I can,"
Said Miss Medairy Dory-Ann.

* * * * *

3

THE GATHERING OF THE CLANS

[_Voice from behind high board-fence_.]

"Where's the crowd that dares to go
Where I dare to lead?--you know!"

"Well, here's _one_!"
Shouts Ezry Dunn.

"Count me _two_!"
Yells Cootsy Drew.

"Here's yer _three_!"
Sings Babe Magee.

"Score me _four_!"
Roars Leech-hole Moore.

"Tally--_five_!"
Howls Jamesy Clive.

"I make _six_!"
Chirps Herbert Dix.

"Punctchul!--_seven_!"
Pipes Runt Replevin.

"Mark me _eight_!"
Grunts Mealbag Nate.

"I'm yet _nine_!"
Growls "Lud'rick" Stein.

"Hi! here's _ten_!"
Whoops Catfish Ben.

"And now we march, in daring line,
For the banks of Brandywine!"

* * * * *

4

"IT"

A wee little worm in a hickory-nut
Sang, happy as he could be,--

"O I live in the heart of the whole round world,
And it all belongs to me!"

* * * * *

5

THE DARING PRINCE

A daring prince, of the realm Rangg Dhune,
Once went up in a big balloon

That caught and stuck on the horns of the moon,
And he hung up there till next day noon--
When all at once he exclaimed, "Hoot-toot!"
And then came down in his parachute.

* * * * *

A DUBIOUS "OLD KRISS"

Us-folks is purty _pore_--but Ma
She's waitin'--two years more--tel Pa
He serve his term out. Our Pa he--
_He's in the Penitenchurrie_!

Now don't you never _tell_!--'cause _Sis_,
The _baby_, _she_ don't know he is.--
'Cause she wuz only four, you know,
He kissed her last an' hat to go!

Pa alluz liked Sis best of all
Us childern.--'Spect it's 'cause she fall
"When she'uz ist a _child_, one day--
An' make her back look thataway.

Pa--'fore he be a burglar--he's
A locksmiff, an' maked locks, an' keys,
An' knobs you pull fer bells to ring,
An' he could ist make _anything_!--

'Cause our Ma say he can!--An' this
Here little pair o' crutches Sis
Skips round on--Pa maked _them_--yes-sir!--
An' silivur-plate-name here fer her!

Pa's out o' work when Chris'mus come
One time, an' stay away from home,
An' 's drunk an' 'buse our Ma, an' swear
They ain't no "Old Kriss" anywhere!

An' Sis she alluz say they wuz
A' Old Kriss--an' she alluz does.
But ef they is a' Old Kriss, why,
When's Chris'mus, Ma she alluz cry?

This Chris'mus _now_, we live here in
Where Ma's rent's alluz due ag'in--
An' she "_ist slaves_"--I heerd her say
She did--ist them words thataway!

An' th'other night, when all's so cold
An' stove's 'most out--our Ma she rolled
Us in th'old feather-bed an' said,
"To-morry's Chris'mus--go to bed,

"An' thank yer blessed stars fer this--
We don't _'spect_ nothin' from Old Kriss!"
An' cried, an' locked the door, an' prayed,
An' turned the lamp down.... An' I laid

There, thinkin' in the dark ag'in,
"Ef _wuz_ Old Kriss, he can't git in,
'Cause ain't no chimbly here at all--
Ist old stovepipe stuck frue the wall!"

I sleeped nen.--An' wuz dreamin' some
When I waked up an' morning's come,--
Fer our Ma she wuz settin' square
Straight up in bed, a-readin' there

Some letter 'at she 'd read, an' quit,
An' nen hold like she's huggin' it.--
An' diamon' ear-rings she don't _know_
Wuz in her ears tel I say so--

An' wake the rest up. An' the sun
In frue the winder dazzle-un
Them eyes o' Sis's, wiv a sure-
Enough gold chain Old Kriss bringed to 'er!

An' _all_ of us git gold things!--Sis,
Though, say she know it "_ain't_ Old Kriss--
He kissed her, so she waked an' saw
Him skite out--an' it wuz her Pa."

* * * * *

* * * * *

A SONG OF SINGING

Sing! gangling lad, along the brink
Of wild brook-ways of shoal and deep,
Where killdees dip, and cattle drink,
And glinting little minnows leap!
Sing! slimpsy lass who trips above
And sets the foot-log quivering!
Sing! bittern, bumble-bee, and dove--
Sing! Sing! Sing!

Sing as you will, O singers all
Who sing because you _want_ to sing!
Sing! peacock on the orchard wall,
Or tree-toad by the trickling spring!
Sing! every bird on every bough--
Sing! every living, loving thing--
Sing any song, and anyhow,
But Sing! Sing! Sing!

* * * * *

THE JAYBIRD

The Jaybird he's my _favorite_
Of all the birds they is!
I think he's quite a stylish sight
In that blue suit of his:
An' when he' lights an' shuts his wings,
His coat's a "cutaway"--
I guess it's only when he sings
You'd know he wuz a jay.

I like to watch him when he's lit
In top of any tree,
'Cause all birds git wite out of it
When _he_ 'lights, an' they see
How proud he act', an' swell an' spread
His chest out more an' more,
An' raise the feathers on his head
Like it's cut pompadore!

* * * * *

* * * * *

A BEAR FAMILY

Wunst, 'way West in Illinoise,
Wuz two Bears an' their two boys:
An' the two boys' names, you know,
Wuz--like _ours_ is,--Jim an' Jo;
An' their _parunts'_ names wuz same's,
All big grown-up people's names,--
Ist _Miz_ Bear, the neighbers call
'Em, an' _Mister_ Bear--'at's all.
Yes--an' Miz Bear scold him, too,
Ist like grown folks _shouldn't_ do!

Wuz a grea'-big river there,
An', 'crosst that, 's a mountain where
Old Bear said some day he'd go,
Ef she don't quit scoldin'so!
So, one day when he been down
The river, fishin', 'most to town,
An' come back 'thout no fish a-tall,
An' Jim an' Jo they run an' bawl
An' tell their ma their pa hain't fetch'
No fish,--she scold again an' ketch
Her old broom up an' biff him, too.--

An' he ist cry, an' say, "_Boo-hoo_!
I _told_ you what I 'd do some day'."
An' he ist turned an' runned away
To where's the grea'-big river there,
An' ist _splunged_ in an' swum to where
The mountain's at, 'way th'other side,
An' clumbed up there. An' Miz Bear _cried_--
An' little Jo an' little Jim--
Ist like their ma--bofe cried fer him!--
But he clumbed on, _clean out o' sight_,
He wuz so mad!--An' served 'em right!

Nen--when the Bear got 'way on top
The mountain, he heerd somepin' flop
Its wings--an' somepin' else he heerd
A-rattlin'-like.--An' he wuz _skeerd_,
An' looked 'way up, an'--_Mercy sake!_--

It wuz a' Eagul an' a SNAKE!
An'-sir! the Snake, he bite an' kill'
The Eagul, an' they bofe fall till
They strike the ground--_k'spang-k'spat!_--
Wite where the Bear wuz standin' at!
An' when here come the Snake at him,
The Bear he think o' little Jim
An' Jo, he did--an' their ma, too,--
All safe at home; an' he ist flew
Back down the mountain--an' could hear
The old Snake rattlin', sharp an' clear,
Wite clos't behind!--An' Bear he's so
All tired out, by time, you know,
He git down to the river there,
He know' he can't _swim_ back to where
His folks is at. But ist wite nen
He see a boat an' six big men

'At's been a-shootin' ducks: An' so
He skeerd them out the boat, you know,
An' ist jumped in--an' Snake _he_ tried
To jump in, too, but failed outside
Where all the water wuz; an' so
The Bear grabs one the things you row
The boat wiv an' ist whacks the head
Of the old Snake an' kills him dead!--

An' when he's killed him dead, w'y, nen
_The old Snake's drownded dead again_!
Nen Bear set in the boat an' bowed
His back an' rowed--an' rowed--an' rowed--
Till he's safe home--so tired he can't
Do nothin' but lay there an' pant
An' tell his childern, "Bresh my coat!"
An' tell his wife, "Go chain my boat!"
An' they're so glad he's back, they say
"They _knowed_ he's comin' thataway
To ist surprise the dear ones there!"
An' Jim an' Jo they dried his hair

An' pulled the burrs out; an' their ma
She ist set there an' helt his paw
Till he wuz sound asleep, an' nen
She tell' him she won't scold again--
Never--never--never--
Ferever an' ferever!

* * * * *

SOME SONGS AFTER MASTER SINGERS