Chapter II

And a little girl once kept so still
That she heard a fly on the window-sill
Whisper and say to a lady-bird,--
"She's the stilliest child I ever heard!"

* * * * *

INTELLECTUAL LIMITATIONS

Parunts knows lots more than us,
But they don't know _all_ things,--
'Cause we ketch 'em, lots o' times,
Even on little small things.

One time Winnie ask' her Ma,
At the winder, sewin',
What's the wind a-doin' when
It's a-not a-_blowin_'?

Yes, an' 'Del', that very day,
When we're nearly froze out,
He ask' Uncle _where_ it goes
When the fire goes out?

Nen _I_ run to ask my Pa,
That way, somepin' funny;
But I can't say ist but "Say,"
When he turn to me an' say,
"Well, what is it, Honey?"

* * * * *

* * * * *

A MASQUE OF THE SEASONS

Scene.--_A kitchen.--Group of Children, popping corn.--The Fairy Queen of the Seasons discovered in the smoke of the corn-popper.--Waving her wand, and, with eerie, sharp, imperious ejaculations, addressing the bespelled auditors, who neither see nor hear her nor suspect her presence._

QUEEN

Summer or Winter or Spring or Fall,--
Which do you like the best of all?

LITTLE JASPER

When I'm dressed warm as warm can be,
And with boots, to go
Through the deepest snow,
Winter-time is the time for me!

QUEEN

Summer or Winter or Spring or Fall,--
Which do you like the best of all?

LITTLE MILDRED

I like blossoms, and birds that sing;
The grass and the dew,
And the sunshine, too,--
So, best of all I like the Spring.

QUEEN

Summer or Winter or Spring or Fall,--
Which do you like the best of all?

LITTLE MANDEVILLE

O little friends, I most rejoice
When I hear the drums
As the Circus comes,--
So Summer-time's my special choice.

QUEEN

Summer or Winter or Spring or Fall,--
Which do you like the best of all?

LITTLE EDITH

Apples of ruby, and pears of gold,
And grapes of blue
That the bee stings through.--
Fall--it is all that my heart can hold!

* * * * *

* * * * *

QUEEN

Soh! my lovelings and pretty dears,
You've _each_ a favorite, it appears,--
Summer and Winter and Spring and Fall.--
That's the reason I send them _all_!

* * * * *

THOMAS THE PRETENDER

Tommy's alluz playin' jokes,
An' actin' up, an' foolin' folks;
An' wunst one time he creep
In Pa's big chair, he did, one night,
An' squint an' shut his eyes bofe tight,
An' say, "Now I 'm asleep."
An' nen we knowed, an' Ma know' too,
He _ain't_ asleep no more 'n you!

An' wunst he clumbed on our back'fence
An' flop his arms an' nen commence
To crow, like he's a hen;
But when he failed off, like he done,
He didn't fool us childern none,
Ner didn't _crow_ again.
An' our Hired Man, as he come by,
Says, "Tom can't _crow_, but he kin _cry_."

* * * * *

* * * * *

LITTLE DICK AND THE CLOCK

When Dicky was sick
In the night, and the clock,
As he listened, said "Tick-
Atty--tick-atty--tock!"
He said that _it_ said,
Every time it said "Tick,"
It said "Sick," instead,
And he _heard_ it say "Sick!"
And when it said "Tick-
Atty--tick-atty--tock,"
He said it said "Sick-
Atty--sick-atty--sock!"
And he tried to _see_ then,
But the light was too dim,
Yet he _heard_ it again--
And't was _talking_ to him!

And then it said "Sick-
Atty--sick-atty--sick
You poor little Dick-
Atty--Dick-atty--dock!
Have you got the hick-
Atties? Hi! send for Doc
To hurry up quick
Atty--quick-atty--quock,
And heat a hot brick-
Atty--brick-atty--brock,

And rikle-ty wrap it
And clickle-ty clap it
Against his cold feet-
Al-ty--weep-aty--eepaty--
_There_ he goes, slapit-
Ty--slippaty--sleepaty!"

* * * * *

FOOL-YOUNGENS

Me an' Bert an' Minnie-Belle
Knows a joke, an' we won't tell!
No, we don't--'cause we don't know
_Why_ we got to laughin' so;
But we got to laughin' so,
"We ist kep' a-laughin'.

Wind wuz blowin' in the tree--
An' wuz only ist us three
Playin' there; an' ever' one
Ketched each other, like we done,
Squintin' up there at the sun
Like we wuz a-laughin'.

Nothin' funny anyway;
But I laughed, an' so did they--
An' we all three laughed, an' nen
Squint' our eyes an' laugh' again:
Ner we didn't ist _p'ten'_--
We wuz _shore-'nough_ laughin'.

* * * * *

* * * * *

"We ist laugh' an' laugh', tel Bert
Say he _can't_ quit an' it hurt.
Nen I _howl_, an' Minnie-Belle
She tear up the grass a spell
An' ist stop her yeers an' _yell_
Like she'd _die_ a-laughin'.

Never sich fool-youngens yit!
Nothin' funny,--not a bit!--
But we laugh' so; tel we whoop'
Purt'-nigh like we have the croup--
All so hoarse we'd wheeze an' whoop
An' ist _choke_ a-laughin'.

* * * * *

THE KATYDIDS

Sometimes I keep
From going to sleep,
To hear the katydids "cheep-cheep!"
And think they say
Their prayers that way;
But _katydids_ don't have to _pray_!

I listen when
They cheep again
And so, I think, they're _singing_ then!
But, no; I'm wrong,--
The sound's too long
And all-alike to be a song!

I think, "Well, there!
I do declare,
If it is neither song nor prayer,
It's _talk_--and quite
Too vain and light
For me to listen to all night!"

And so, I smile,
And think,--"Now I'll
Not listen for a little while!"--
Then, sweet and clear,
Next "_cheep_" I hear
'S a _kiss_.... Good morning, Mommy dear!

* * * * *

BILLY AND HIS DRUM

Ho! it's come, kids, come!
"With a bim! bam! bum!
Here's little Billy bangin' on his big bass drum!
He's a-marchin' round the room,
With his feather-duster plume
A-noddin' an' a-bobbin' with his bim! bom! boom!

Looky, little Jane an' Jim!
Will you only look at him,
A-humpin' an' a-thumpin' with his bam! bom! bim!
Has the Day o' Judgment come
Er the New Mi-len-nee-um?
Er is it only Billy with his bim! bam! bim!

* * * * *

* * * * *

I 'm a-comin'; yes, I am--
Jim an' Sis, an' Jane an' Sam!
We'll all march off with Billy an' his bom! bim! bam!
Come _hurrawin'_ as you come,
Er they'll think you're deef-an'-dumb
Ef you don't hear little Billy an' his big bass drum!

* * * * *

THE NOBLE OLD ELM

O big old tree, so tall an' fine,
Where all us childern swings an' plays,
Though neighbers says you're on the line
Between Pa's house an' Mr. Gray's,--
Us childern used to almost fuss,
Old Tree, about you when we 'd play.--
We'd argy you belonged to _us_,
An' them Gray-kids the other way!

Till _Elsie_, one time _she_ wuz here
An' playin' wiv us--Don't you mind,
Old Mister Tree?--an' purty near
She scolded us the hardest kind
Fer quar'llin' 'bout you thataway,
An' say _she'll_ find--ef we'll keep still--
Whose tree you air _fer shore_, she say,
An' settle it _fer good_, she will!

* * * * *

* * * * *

So all keep still: An' nen she gone
An' pat the Old Tree, an' says she,--
"Whose air you, Tree?" an' nen let on
Like she's a-list'nin' to the Tree,--
An' nen she say, "It's settled,--'cause
The Old Tree says he's _all_ our tree--
His _trunk_ belongs to bofe your Pas,
But _shade_ belongs to you an' me."

* * * * *

THE PENALTY OF GENIUS

"When little 'Pollus Morton he's
A-go' to speak a piece, w'y, nen
The Teacher smiles an' says 'at she's
Most proud, of all her little men
An' women in her school--'cause 'Poll
He allus speaks the best of all.

An' nen she'll pat him on the cheek,
An' hold her finger up at you
_Before_ he speak'; an' _when_ he speak'
It's ist some piece _she_ learn' him to!
'Cause he's her favorite.... An' she
Ain't pop'lar as she _ust_ to be!

When 'Pollus Morton speaks, w'y, nen
Ist all the other childern knows
They're smart as him an' smart-again!--
Ef they _can't_ speak an' got fine clo'es,
Their Parunts loves 'em more 'n 'Poll-
Us Morton, Teacher, speech, an' all!

* * * * *

EVENSONG

Lay away the story,--
Though the theme is sweet,
There's a lack of something yet,
Leaves it incomplete:--
There's a nameless yearning--
Strangely undefined--
For a story sweeter still
Than the written kind.

Therefore read no longer--
I've no heart to hear
But just something you make up,
O my mother dear.--
With your arms around me,
Hold me, folded-eyed,--
Only let your voice go on--
I'll be satisfied.

* * * * *

* * * * *

"IGO AND AGO"

We're The Twins from Aunt Marinn's,
Igo and Ago.
When Dad comes, the show begins!--
Iram, coram, dago.

Dad he says he named us two
Igo and Ago
For a poem he always knew,
Iram, coram, dago.

_Then_ he was a braw Scotchman--
Igo and Ago.--
_Now_ he's Scotch-Amer-i-can.
Iram, coram, dago.

"Hey!" he cries, and pats his knee,
"Igo and Ago,
My twin bairnies, ride wi' me--
Iram, coram, dago!"

"Here," he laughs, "ye've each a leg,
Igo and Ago,
Gleg as Tam O'Shanter's 'Meg'!
Iram, coram, dago!"

Then we mount, with shrieks of mirth--
Igo and Ago,--
The two gladdest twins on earth!
Iram, coram, dago.

Wade and Silas-Walker cry,--
"Igo and Ago--
Annie's kissin' 'em 'good-bye'!"--
Iram, coram, dago.

Aunty waves us fond farewells.--
"Igo and Ago,"
Granny pipes, "tak care yersels!"
Iram, coram, dago.

* * * * *

THE LITTLE LADY

O The Little Lady's dainty
As the picture in a book,
And her hands are creamy-whiter
Than the water-lilies look;
Her laugh's the undrown'd music
Of the maddest meadow-brook.--
Yet all in vain I praise The Little Lady!

Her eyes are blue and dewy
As the glimmering Summer-dawn,--
Her face is like the eglantine
Before the dew is gone;
And were that honied mouth of hers
A bee's to feast upon,
He'd be a bee bewildered, Little Lady!

Her brow makes light look sallow;
And the sunshine, I declare,
Is but a yellow jealousy
Awakened by her hair--
For O the dazzling glint of it
Nor sight nor soul can bear,--
So Love goes groping for The Little Lady.

* * * * *

* * * * *

And yet she's neither Nymph nor Fay,
Nor yet of Angelkind:--
She's but a racing school-girl, with
Her hair blown out behind
And tremblingly unbraided by
The fingers of the Wind,
As it wildly swoops upon The Little Lady.

* * * * *

"COMPANY MANNERS"

When Bess gave her Dollies a Tea, said she,--
"It's unpolite, when they's Company,
To say you've drinked _two_ cups, you see,--
But say you've drinked _a couple_ of tea."

* * * * *

IN FERVENT PRAISE OF PICNICS

Picnics is fun 'at's purty hard to beat.
I purt'-nigh ruther go to them than _eat_.
I purt'-nigh ruther go to them than go
With our Char_lot_ty to the Trick-Dog Show.

* * * * *

THE GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED PEOPLE

When we hear Uncle Sidney tell
About the long-ago
An' old, old friends he loved so well
When _he_ was young--My-oh!--
Us childern all wish _we'd 'a'_ bin
A-livin' then with Uncle,--so
We could a-kindo' happened in
On them old friends he used to know!--
The good, old-fashioned people--
The hale, hard-working people--
The kindly country people
'At Uncle used to know!

They was God's people, Uncle says,
An' gloried in His name,
An' worked, without no selfishness,
An' loved their neighbers same
As they was kin: An' when they biled
Their tree-molasses, in the Spring,
Er butchered in the Fall, they smiled
An' sheered with all jist ever'thing!--

* * * * *

* * * * *

The good, old-fashioned people--
The hale, hard-working people--
The kindly country people
'At Uncle used to know!

He tells about 'em, lots o' times,
Till we'd all ruther hear
About 'em than the Nurs'ry Rhymes
Er Fairies--mighty near!--
Only sometimes he stops so long
An' then talks on so low an' slow,
It's purt'-nigh sad as any song
To listen to him talkin' so
Of the good, old-fashioned people--
The hale, hard-working people--
The kindly country people
'At Uncle used to know!

* * * * *

THE BEST TIMES

_When Old Folks they wuz young like us_
_An' little as you an' me_,--

_Them wuz the best times ever wuz_
_Er ever goin' to be_!

* * * * *

* * * * *

"HIK-TEE-DIK!"

THE WAR-CRY OF BILLY AND BUDDY

When two little boys--renowned but for noise--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!--
May hurt a whole school, and the head it employs,
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
Such loud and hilarious pupils indeed
Need learning--and yet something further they need,
Though fond hearts that love them may sorrow and bleed.
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!

O the schoolmarm was cool, and in no wise a fool;
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
And in ruling her ranks it was _her_ rule to _rule_;
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
So when these two pupils conspired, every day,
Some mad piece of mischief, with whoop and hoo-ray,
That hurt yet defied her,--how happy were they!--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!

At the ring of the bell they 'd rush in with a yell--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
And they'd bang the school-door till the plastering fell,
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
They'd clinch as they came, and pretend not to see
As they knocked her desk over--then, _My!_ and _O-me!_
How awfully sorry they'd both seem to be!
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!

This trick seemed so neat and so safe a conceit,--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!--
They played it three times--though the third they were beat;
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!
For the teacher, she righted her desk--raised the lid
And folded and packed away each little kid--
Closed the incident so--yes, and locked it, she did--
Hik-tee-dik! Billy and Buddy!

* * * * *

A CHRISTMAS MEMORY

Pa he bringed me here to stay
'Til my Ma she's well.--An' nen
He's go' hitch up, Chris'mus-day,
An' come take me back again
Wher' my Ma's at! Won't I be
Tickled when he comes fer me!

My Ma an' my A'nty they
'Uz each-uvver's sisters. Pa--
A'nty telled me, th' other day,--
He comed here an' married Ma....
A'nty said nen, "Go run play,
I must work now!" ... An' I saw,
When she turn' her face away,
She 'uz cryin'.--An' nen I
'Tend-like I "run play"--an' cry.

This-here house o' A'nty's wher'
They 'uz borned--my Ma an' her!--
An' her Ma 'uz my Ma's Ma,
An' her Pa 'uz my Ma's Pa--

* * * * *

* * * * *

Ain't that funny?--An' they're dead:
An' this-here's "th' ole Homestead."--
An' my A'nty said, an' cried,
It's mine, too, ef my Ma died--
Don't know what she mean--'cause my
Ma she's nuvver go' to die!

When Pa bringed me here 't 'uz night--
'Way dark night! An' A'nty spread
Me a piece--an' light the light
An' say I must go to bed.--
I cry not to---but Pa said,
"Be good boy now, like you telled
Mommy 'at you're go' to be!"
An', when he 'uz kissin' me
My good night, his cheeks' all wet
An' taste salty.--An' he held
Wite close to me an' rocked some
An' langhed-like--'til A'nty come
Git me while he's rockin' yet.

A'nty he'p me, 'til I be
Purt'-nigh strip-pud--nen hug me
In bofe arms an' lif' me 'way
Up in her high bed--an' pray
Wiv me,--'bout my Ma--an' Pa--
An' ole Santy Claus--an' Sleigh--
An' Reindeers an' little Drum--
Yes, an' Picture-books, "Tom Thumb,"
An' "Three Bears," an' ole "Fee-Faw"--

Yes, an' "Tweedle-Dee" an' "Dum,"
An' "White Knight" an' "Squidjicum,"
An' most things you ever saw!--
An' when A'nty kissed me, she
'Uz all cryin' over me!

Don't want Santy Claus--ner things
Any kind he ever brings!--
Don't want A'nty!--Don't want Pa!--
I ist only want my Ma!

* * * * *

"OLD BOB WHITE"

Old Bob White's a funny bird!--
Funniest you ever heard!--
Hear him whistle,--"Old--Bob--_White_!"
You can hear him, clean from where
He's 'way 'crosst the wheat-field there,
Whistlin' like he didn't care--
"Old-Bob-_White_!"

* * * * *

* * * * *

Whistles alluz ist the same--
So's we won't fergit his name!--
Hear him say it?--"Old--Bob--_White_!"
_There!_ he's whizzed off down the lane--
Gone back where his folks is stayin'--
Hear him?--There he goes again,--
"Old--Bob--_White_!"

When boys ever tries to git
Clos't to him--how quick he'll quit
Whistlin' his "Old-Bob--_White_!"
"_Whoo-rhoo-rhoo!_" he's up an' flew,
Ist a-purt'-nigh skeerin' you
Into fits!--'At's what he'll do.--
"Old-Bob--_White_!"

Wunst our Hired Man an' me,
When we drove to Harmony,
Saw one, whistlin' "Old--Bob--_White_!"
An' we drove _wite clos't_, an' I
Saw him an' he didn't fly,--
Birds likes horses, an' that's why.
"Old--Bob--_White_!"

One time, Uncle Sidney says,
Wunst he rob' a Bob White's nes'
Of the eggs of "Old Bob White";
Nen he hatched 'em wiv a hen
An' her little chicks, an' nen
They ist all flewed off again!
"Old--Bob--_White_!"

* * * * *

A SESSION WITH UNCLE SIDNEY

[1869]