Chapter XXXVIII: Part 38

The caliph was extremely well pleased with this thought of Abon Hassan’s; and as he loved adventures, he longed to make this a very singular one. Indeed, said he, I approve very much of your wish, which I see proceeds from an upright heart, that cannot bear to see the malice of wicked people go unpunished; I could like to see it take effect, and it is not so impossible a thing as you may imagine. I am persuaded that the caliph would willingly put his authority for twenty-four hours into your hands, if he knew your good intentions, and the good use you would make of it. Though a foreign merchant, I have credit enough to contribute in some degree to the execution of this plan. I see, said Abon Hassan, you laugh at my foolish fancy, and the caliph himself would laugh at my extravagance too, if he knew it; yet it would be a means of informing him of the behaviour of the iman and his companions, and induce him to chastise them.

Heaven forbid, replied the caliph, that I, who have been so handsomely entertained by you, should laugh at you; neither do I believe, as much a stranger as I am to you, that the caliph would be displeased: but let us leave off talking; it is almost midnight, and time to go to bed. With all my heart, said Abon Hassan, I would not be any hinderance to your going to rest; but there is still some wine in the bottle, and if you please we will drink it off first, and then retire. The only thing that I have to recommend to you is, that when you go out in the morning, if I am not up, you will not leave the door open, but give yourself the trouble of shutting it after you. This the caliph promised to do; and while Abon Hassan was talking, took the bottle and two glasses, and filled his own first, saying, Here is a cup of thanks to you, and then filling the other, put into it artfully a little powder, which he had about him, and giving it to Abon Hassan, said, You have taken the pains to fill for me all this night, and it is the least I can do to save you the trouble once: I beg you to take this glass; drink it off for my sake.

Abon Hassan took the glass, and to show his guest with how much pleasure he received the honour he did him, whipt it off at once, but had scarcely set the glass upon the table, but the powder began to work, and he fell into so sound a sleep, that his head knocked against his knees so suddenly, that the caliph could not help laughing. The caliph ordered the slave he had brought along with him, and who came again into the room as soon as he had supped, and had been there to receive his orders, to take him upon his back, and follow him; but to be sure to observe the house, that he might know it again when he was ordered to bring him back; and in this manner the caliph, followed by the slave with Abon Hassan upon his back, went out of the house, but without shutting the door after him as Abon Hassan desired him, and went directly to his palace, and by a private door into his own apartment, where all the officers of his chamber were waiting for him, whom he ordered to undress Abon Hassan and put him in his bed, which they immediately performed.

Then the caliph sent for all the officers and ladies of the palace, and said to them, I would have all those, whose business it is to attend my levee, wait to-morrow morning upon this man, who lies in my bed, and pay the same respect to him as to myself, and obey him in whatever he commands; let him be refused nothing that he asks for, and be spoken to and answered in every thing he says or does, as if he was the commander of the faithful. In short, I expect that you look upon him as the true caliph and commander of the faithful, without regarding me; and above all things, mistake not in the least circumstance.

The officers and ladies, who presently understood that the caliph had a mind to divert himself, answered him by low bows, and then withdrew, every one preparing to contribute to the best of their power to perform their respective parts adroitly.

The caliph returning to his palace, sent for the grand vizier: Giafar, said he, I have sent for you to instruct you, and to prevent your being surprised to-morrow when you come to audience, to see this man that is laid here in my bed, seated on my throne in my royal robes: accost him with the same reverence and respect you pay to myself; observe and punctually execute whatever he bids you do, the same as if I commanded you. He will exercise great liberality, and commission you with the distribution of it. Do all he bids you, even if his liberality should extend so far as to empty all the coffers in my treasury; and remember to acquaint all my emirs, and all the officers without the palace, to pay him the same honour at audience as to myself, and to carry on the matter so well, that he may not perceive the least thing that may interrupt this diversion which I design myself.

After the grand vizier retired, the caliph went to bed in another apartment, and gave Mesrour, the chief of his eunuchs, the orders which he was to execute, that every thing might succeed as he intended, to gratify the wish of Abon Hassan; that he might see how Abon Hassan would use the power and authority of the caliph for the short time he desired to have it. Above all, he charged him not fail to awake him at the usual hour, before he awakened Abon Hassan, because he had a mind to be present when he arose.

Mesrour failed not to do as the caliph had commanded, and as soon as the caliph went into the room where Abon Hassan lay, he placed himself in a little raised closet, from whence he could see all that passed. All the officers and ladies, who were to attend Abon Hassan’s levee, went in at the same time, and took their posts according to their rank, with great silence, and ready to acquit themselves of their respective duties, as if it was the caliph who was going to rise.

As it was just daybreak, and time to rise to morning prayer before sun-rise, the officer that stood nearest the head of the bed put a sponge steeped in vinegar to Abon Hassan’s nose, who presently turning his head about, without opening his eyes, with a little effort discharged a kind of phlegm, which was received in a little golden basin before it fell on the carpet. This was the usual effect of the caliph’s powder, the sleep lasting longer or shorter, in proportion to the dose. When Abon Hassan laid down his head on the bolster, he opened his eyes; and by the small daylight that appeared, he found himself in a large handsome room, magnificently furnished, the ceiling of which was finely painted in the Arabesque pattern, adorned with vases of gold and silver, and the floor covered with a rich silk tapestry, and surrounded by a great many young and handsome ladies, many of them having instruments of music in their hands, and black eunuchs richly clothed, all standing with great modesty and respect. After casting his eyes on the covering of the bed, he perceived it was cloth of gold, richly embossed with pearls and diamonds, and by the bed lay, on a cushion, a habit of the same stuffs and trimmings, with a caliph’s turban.

At the sight of these glittering objects Abon Hassan was in most inexpressible confusion and amazement, and looked upon all he saw as a dream; yet such a dream as he wished it not to be. So, said he to himself, I am caliph; but, added he, recollecting himself, it is only a dream, the effect of the wish I entertained my guest with last night; and then he turned himself about, and shut his eyes to sleep again. At the same time the eunuch said, very respectfully, Commander of the faithful, it is time for your majesty to rise to prayers; the morning begins to advance.

These words very much surprised Abon Hassan. Am I awake, or do I sleep? said he to himself: Ah, certainly I am asleep! continued he, keeping his eyes shut; there is no reason to doubt of it.

Immediately the eunuch, who saw he gave him no answer, and had no inclination to get up, said again, Your majesty must permit me to repeat once more that it is time to rise to morning prayer, unless you choose to let it pass; the sun is just rising, and you never neglect this duty. I am mistaken, said Abon Hassan presently: I am not asleep, but awake; for those that sleep do not hear, and I hear somebody speak to me: then opening his eyes again, he saw plainly by broad daylight, what he had seen but indistinctly before; and started up, with a smiling countenance, like a man overjoyed at a sudden promotion. The caliph, who saw him, penetrated his thoughts with great delight.

Then the young ladies of the palace prostrated themselves with their faces to the ground before Abon Hassan, and those who had the instruments of music in their hands wished him a good morrow, by a concert of soft flutes, hautboys, theorboes, and other harmonious instruments, with which he was enchanted, and in such an ecstacy, that he knew not where he was, nor whether he was himself; but reverting to his first idea, he still doubted whether what he saw and heard was a dream or reality. He clapt his hands before his eyes, and lowering his head, said to himself, What means all this? Where am I? and to whom does this palace belong? What can these eunuchs, handsome well-dressed officers, beautiful ladies, and musicians, mean? How is it possible for me not to distinguish whether I am in my right senses, or in a dream?

When he took his hands from his eyes, opened them, and lifted up his head, the sun shone full in at the chamber window; and at that instant, Mesrour, the chief of the eunuchs, came in, prostrated himself before Abon Hassan, and said, Commander of the faithful, your majesty will excuse me for representing to you, that you used not to rise so late, and that the time of prayer is over. If your majesty has not had a bad night, and has been indisposed, it is time to ascend your throne and hold council as usual; all your generals, governors, and other great officers of state, wait your presence in the council-hall.

At this discourse of Mesrour, Abon Hassan was verily persuaded that he was neither asleep nor in a dream; but at the same time was not less embarrassed and confused under this uncertainty what steps to take: at last, looking earnestly at Mesrour, he said to him in a serious tone, Who is it you speak to, and call the commander of the faithful? I do not know you, and you must mistake me for somebody else.

Any person but Mesrour would have been dashed at these questions of Abon Hassan’s; but he had been so well instructed by the caliph, that he played his part to a wonder. My worthy lord and master, said he, your majesty only speaks thus to try me: Is not your majesty the commander of the faithful, monarch of the world from East to West, and vicar on earth [95] to the prophet sent of God? Mesrour, your poor slave, has not forgotten you, after so many years that he has had the honour and happiness to serve and pay his respects to your majesty. He would think himself the most unhappy of men if he has incurred your displeasure, and begs of you most humbly to remove his fears; but had rather suppose that you have been disturbed by some troublesome dream to-night.

Abon Hassan burst out a laughing at these words of Mesrour’s, and fell backwards upon the bolster, which pleased the caliph so much that he would have laughed as loud himself, if he had not been afraid of putting a stop too soon to the pleasant scene he promised himself.

Abon Hassan, when he had tired himself with laughing, sat up again, and speaking to a little eunuch that stood by him, black as Mesrour, said, Hark ye, tell me who I am? Sir, answered the little boy modestly, your majesty is the commander of the believers, and God’s vicar on earth. You are a little liar, black face, said Abon Hassan. Then he called the lady that stood nearest to him: Come hither, fair one, said he, holding out his hand, bite the end of my finger, that I may feel whether I am asleep or awake.

The lady, who knew the caliph saw all that passed, was overjoyed to have an opportunity of showing her power of diverting him, and went with a grave countenance, and putting his finger between her teeth, she bit it so hard that she put him to violent pain. Snatching his hand quickly back again, he said, I find I am awake, and not asleep. But by what miracle am I become caliph in a night’s time? this is certainly the most strange and surprising thing in the world! then addressing himself to the same lady, said, I conjure you, by the protection of God, in whom you trust as well as I, not to hide the truth from me; am I really the commander of the faithful? It is so true, answered the lady, that we, who are your slaves, are amazed to find that you will not believe yourself to be so. You are a deceiver, replied Abon Hassan; I know very well who I am.

As the chief of the eunuchs perceived that Abon Hassan had a mind to rise, he offered him his hand, and helped him to get out of bed. No sooner were his feet set on the floor, but the chamber rang again with the repeated acclamations of the officers and ladies, who cried out altogether, Commander of the faithful, God give your majesty a good day. O heaven! cried Abon Hassan, what a strange thing is this! Last night I was Abon Hassan, and this morning I am the commander of the believers! I cannot comprehend this sudden and surprising change. Presently some of the officers began to dress him; and when they had done, Mesrour led him through all the eunuchs and ladies, who were ranged on both sides, quite to the council chamber door, which was opened by one of the officers. Mesrour walked before him to the foot of the throne, where he stopped, and putting one hand under one arm, while another officer who followed did the same by the other, they helped him to ascend the throne. Abon Hassan sat down amidst the acclamations of the officers, who wished him all happiness and prosperity, and turning to the right and left he saw the officers of the guards ranged in good order, and making a fine appearance.

The caliph in the mean time came out of the closet, where he was hid, and went into another, which looked into the council-hall, from whence he could see and hear all that passed in council, while his grand vizier presided in his place, when he was prevented by illness from attending in person. What pleased him highly, was to see Abon Hassan fill his throne with almost as much gravity as himself.

As soon as Abon Hassan had seated himself, the grand vizier Giafar prostrated himself at the foot of the throne, and rising and addressing himself to him, said, Commander of the faithful, God shower down blessings on your majesty in this life, receive you into his paradise in the other world, and confound your enemies.

Abon Hassan, after all that had happened that morning, and these words of the grand vizier, never doubted but that he was caliph, as he wished to be; and so without examining any farther, how, or by what adventure, or sudden change of fortune, he immediately began to exercise his power, and looking very gravely upon the vizier, asked him what he had to say? Commander of the faithful, replied the grand vizier, the emirs, viziers, and other officers who are of your majesty’s council, wait at the door till your majesty gives them leave to come in and pay their accustomed respects to you. Abon Hassan presently ordered the door to be opened, and the grand vizier turning, and addressing himself to the officers who waited for orders, said, Chief of the door-keepers, the commander of the faithful orders you to do your duty.

When the door was opened, the viziers, emirs, and principal officers of the court, all dressed magnificently in their habits of ceremony, went in their order to the foot of the throne, and paid their respects to Abon Hassan; and bowing their heads down to the carpet, kneeling on one knee, saluted him with the title of the commander of the faithful, according to the instructions of the grand vizier, and afterwards took their seats.

When this ceremony was over, and they were all placed, there was a profound silence. The grand vizier always standing before the throne, began, according to the order of papers in his hand, to make his report of affairs, which at that time were of very little consequence. Nevertheless, the caliph could not but admire how Abon Hassan acquitted himself in his great post without the least hesitation or embarrassment, and decided so well in all matters, as his own good sense suggested the request was or was not proper to be granted. But before the grand vizier had finished his report, Abon Hassan perceived the judge of the police, whom he knew by sight, sitting in his place: Stop, said he to the grand vizier, interrupting him; I have an order of consequence to give to the judge of the police. The judge of the police perceiving that Abon Hassan looked at him, and hearing his name mentioned, arose from off his seat, and went gravely to the foot of the throne, where he prostrated himself with his face to the ground. Judge of the police, said Abon Hassan, go immediately to such a quarter, in such a street, where you will find a mosque, and seize the iman of the mosque and four old gray beards, and give each of the old men a hundred bastinadoes with a bull’s pizzle, and the iman four hundred. After that, mount them all five, clothed in rags, upon camels, with their faces to the tails, and lead them through the whole city, with a crier before them, who shall proclaim with a loud voice, ‘This is the punishment of all those who trouble their heads with other people’s affairs, and make it their business to create disturbances and misunderstandings in families in their neighbourhood, and do them all the mischief in their power.’ My intention is also, that you enjoin them to leave that quarter, and never to set foot in it more; and while your lieutenant is conducting them through the town, return, and give me an account of the execution of my orders. The judge of the police laid his hand upon his head, to show his obedience to execute that order on pain of losing his head if he failed, and prostrating himself a second time, went away.

The caliph was extremely well pleased at the firmness with which this order was given, and perceived that Abon Hassan was resolved not to lose the opportunity of punishing the iman and the other four old hypocrites of his quarter. In the mean time, the grand vizier went on with his report, and had just finished, when the judge of the police came back from executing his commission. He approached the throne with the usual ceremony, and said, Commander of the faithful, I found the iman and his four companions in the mosque, which your majesty pointed out; and for a proof that I have punctually obeyed your commands, I have brought an instrument signed by the principal inhabitants of that quarter. At the same time he pulled a paper out of his bosom, and presented it to the pretended caliph.

Abon Hassan took the paper, and reading it over cautiously with the names of the witnesses, who were all people that he knew very well, said to the judge of the police, smiling, It is well; I am satisfied; return to your seat. These old hypocrites, said he to himself, with an air of satisfaction, who thought fit to censure my actions, and find fault with my entertaining honest people, deserved this punishment. The caliph all the time penetrated his thoughts, and felt inconceivable joy in this pleasant exhibition.

Then Abon Hassan, addressing himself to the grand vizier, said, Go to the high treasurer for a purse of a thousand pieces of gold, and carry it to the mother of one Abon Hassan, who is known by the name of the _debauchee_; she lives in the same quarter to which I sent the judge of the police. Go, and return immediately.

The grand vizier, after laying his hand upon his head, and prostrating himself before the throne, went to the high treasurer, who gave him the money, which he ordered a slave to take, and to follow him to Abon Hassan’s mother, to whom he gave it, saying only, The caliph makes you this present. She received it with the greatest surprise imaginable. She could not tell what to think of this liberality of the caliph’s, and was totally ignorant of what passed in the palace.

During the grand vizier’s absence, the judge of the police made the usual report of his office, which lasted till the vizier returned. As soon as he came into the council-chamber, and had assured Abon Hassan he had executed his orders, Mesrour, the chief of the eunuchs, who returned to the palace after he had conducted Abon Hassan to the council, came again, and made a sign to the viziers, the emirs, and other officers, that the council was over, and that they might all retire; which they did, by making the same prostration at the foot of the throne as when they entered.

Abon Hassan sat not long on the caliph’s throne, but came down from it, supported in the same manner as he went up by Mesrour and another officer of the eunuchs, who attended him back again to the apartment from whence he came, preceded all the way by the grand vizier. But he had scarce made a few steps, when he was taken with a pressing occasion; upon which they showed him into a neat closet, paved with marble; whereas the apartment where he was, was covered with rich carpets, like the other apartments of the palace. They gave him a pair of drawers of silk embroidered with gold, which it was usual to put on before going in there. He took them, and as he knew not the use of them, he put them into one of his sleeves, which were very wide. As it often happens that a trifle excites laughter sooner than a matter of consequence, the grand vizier, Mesrour, and all the officers of the palace near him, had like to have burst into laughter, and spoiled all the sport; but they contained themselves, and the grand vizier was obliged at last to explain to him, that he must put on the drawers before he went into the private closet.

While Abon Hassan was there, the grand vizier went to the caliph, who had already taken another station to observe Abon Hassan without being seen, and acquainted him with what had passed, which the caliph enjoyed exceedingly.

When Abon Hassan came out of the closet, Mesrour went before him, to show him the way into an inner apartment, where there was a table spread: several eunuchs ran before to tell the musicians that the sham caliph was coming, who immediately began a concert of vocal and instrumental music, with which Abon Hassan was so charmed and transported, that he could not tell what to think of all he saw and heard. If this is a dream, said he, it is a long one. But certainly, continued he, it is no dream; for I can see and feel, walk and hear, and argue reasonably: whatever it is, I trust in God; yet I cannot believe but I am the commander of the faithful, for no other person could live in this splendour. The honour and respect that has been shown me, and the obedience paid to my commands, are sufficient proofs.

In short, Abon Hassan took it for granted that he was caliph and the commander of the faithful; and was fully convinced of it, when he entered that magnificent and spacious hall, which was finely painted with the brightest colours intermixed with gold. Seven bands of female musicians, more beautiful than the others, were placed round the hall, and as many gold branches hung down from the ceiling, which was painted with blue and gold, intermixed with wonderful effect. In the middle of the hall was spread a table covered with massy gold plates and dishes, which scented the hall with the spices and amber wherewith the meat was seasoned; and seven young and most beautiful ladies, dressed in the richest habits of the most vivid colours, stood round this table, each with a fan in her hand, to fan Abon Hassan when at dinner.

If ever mortal was charmed, Abon Hassan was when he entered that stately hall. At every step he took, he could not help stopping to contemplate at leisure all the wonders that regaled his eyes, and turned first to one side, and then again on the other; which gave the caliph, who viewed him with attention, very great pleasure. --At last he went and sat down at the table, and presently all the ladies that stood by it began to fan the new caliph. He looked first at one, and then at another, and admired the grace with which they acquitted themselves. He told them with a graceful smile, that he believed one of them was enough to give him all the air he wanted, and would have six of the ladies sit at table with him, three on his right hand, and three on his left; and he placed them at it, so that, as the table was round, which way soever he turned, his eyes might be saluted with agreeable objects.

The six ladies obeyed, and sat down at the table; and Abon Hassan taking notice, that out of respect they did not eat, helped them himself, and invited them to eat in the most pressing and obliging terms. Afterwards he asked their names, which they told him were Alabaster Neck, Coral Lips, Moon Face, Sunshine, Eye’s Delight, Heart’s Delight, and she who fanned him was Sugar-Cane. The many soft things he said upon their names showed him to be a man of sprightly wit, and it is not to be conceived how very much it increased the esteem which the caliph (who saw every thing) had already conceived for him.

When the ladies saw that Abon Hassan had done eating, one of them said to the eunuchs who waited, The commander of the faithful will go into the hall where the dessert is, --bring some water; upon which they all arose from the table, and taking from the eunuch, one a gold basin, another an ewer of the same metal, and a third a towel, kneeled down before Abon Hassan, and presented them to him to wash his hands, who, as soon as he had done, got up, and after an eunuch had opened the door, went, preceded by Mesrour, who never left him, into another hall, as large as the former, adorned with paintings by the best masters, and furnished with gold and silver vessels, carpets, and other rich furniture. There seven different bands of music began a concert as soon as Abon Hassan appeared. In this hall there were seven other large lustres, and a table in the middle covered with dried sweetmeats and the choicest and most exquisite fruits of the season, raised in pyramids, in seven gold basins; and seven ladies, more beautiful than the others, standing round it, each with a fan in her hand.

These new objects raised still greater admiration in Abon Hassan than before; who, after he had made a full stop, and given the most sensible marks of his surprise and astonishment, went directly to the table, where sitting down, he gazed a considerable time at the seven ladies, with an embarrassment that plainly showed he knew not which to give the preference to. At last he ordered them all to lay aside their fans and sit down, and eat with him, telling them, that it was not so hot but he could spare them that trouble.

When the ladies were all placed about him, the first thing he did was to ask their names, which were different from the other seven, and expressed some perfection of mind or body, which distinguished them from one another; upon which he took an opportunity, when he presented them with fruit, &c. to say something smart. Eat this fig for my sake, said he to Chain of Hearts, who sat on his right hand; and render the fetters, with which you loaded me the first moment I saw you, more supportable. Then presenting a bunch of grapes to Soul’s Torment, Take this cluster of grapes, said he, on condition you instantly abate the torments which I suffer for your sake; and so on to the rest. By these words Abon Hassan more and more pleased and diverted the caliph, who was delighted with his words and actions, and pleased to think he had found in him a man who diverted him so agreeably, and suggested to him a method of being better acquainted with him.

After Abon Hassan had tasted of all the fruits in the basin, he got up and followed Mesrour, who never left him, into a third hall, much more magnificently furnished than the other two; where he was received by the same number of musicians and ladies, who stood round a table covered with all manner of wet sweetmeats. After he had looked about him with new wonder, he advanced to the table, the music playing all the time till he sat down. The seven ladies, by his order, sat down with him, and as he could not but show them the same civility as he had done to the rest, they helped themselves, as he desired them, to what they liked best; and he afterwards informed himself of their names, which pleased him as much as the others had done, and led him to say as many soft things to them, to the great diversion of the caliph, who lost not a word.

By this time the day beginning to close, Abon Hassan was conducted into a fourth hall, much more superb and magnificently furnished, lighted with wax candles in seven great gold lustres, which gave a glorious light. The like was not seen in the other halls, because it was not necessary. Abon Hassan found the same number of musicians here as he had done in the other three halls, performing in concert in the most lively manner, and seeming to inspire greater joy; and he saw as many ladies standing round a table covered with seven gold basins filled with cakes, dried sweetmeats, and all such things as were proper to promote drinking. There he saw, which he had not observed in any of the other halls, a beaufet, which was set out with seven large silver flagons full of the choicest wines, and by them seven crystal glasses of the finest workmanship.

Hitherto in the three first halls Abon Hassan drank nothing but water, according to the custom observed at Bagdad, from the highest to the lowest, and at the caliph’s court, never to drink wine till the evening; all who transgress this rule being accounted debauchees, and dare not show themselves in the daytime. This custom is the more laudable, as it requires a clear head to apply to business in the course of the day; and as no wine is drank till evening, no drunken people are seen in the streets in open day making disturbances in the city.

As soon as Abon Hassan entered the fourth hall, he went to the table and sat down, and was a long time in a kind of ecstacy at the sight of those seven ladies who surrounded him, and were much more beautiful than all he beheld in the other halls. He was very desirous to know all their names; but as the music played then so very loud, and particularly the tambour, that he could not hear them speak, he clapped his hands as a sign for them to leave off playing, and a profound silence ensued. Then taking by the hand the lady who stood on the right next to him, he made her sit down by him, and presenting her with a cake, asked her name. Commander of the faithful, said the lady, I am called Cluster of Pearls. No name, replied Abon Hassan, could have more properly expressed your worth; and indeed your teeth exceed the finest pearls. Cluster of Pearls, added he, since that is your name, oblige me with a glass of wine from your fair hand, and take another with me. The lady went presently to the beaufet and brought him a glass of wine, which she presented to him with a pleasant air. Abon Hassan took the glass with a smile, and looking passionately upon her, said, Cluster of Pearls, I drink your health; I desire you to fill out as much for yourself, and pledge me. She ran to the beaufet, and returned with a glass in her hand; but before she drank, she sung a song, which charmed him as much by the sweetness of her voice as by its novelty.

After Abon Hassan had drank, he made another lady sit down, and presenting her with what she chose in the basins, asked her name, which she told him was Morning Star. Your bright eyes, said he, shine with greater lustre than that star whose name you bear. Do me the pleasure to bring me some wine; which she did with the best grace in the world. Then turning to the third lady, whose name was Daylight, he ordered her to do the same, and so on to the seventh, to the extreme satisfaction of the caliph.

When they had all filled him a glass round, Cluster of Pearls, whom he had just addressed, went to the beaufet, poured out a glass of wine, and putting in a pinch of the same powder the caliph had used the night before, presented it to Abon Hassan; Commander of the faithful, said she, I beg of your majesty to take this glass of wine, and before you drink it off do me the favour to hear a song I have made to-day, and which I flatter myself may not displease you. I never sung it before this evening. With all my heart, said Abon Hassan, taking the glass, and as commander of the faithful, I command you to sing it; for I am persuaded that so beautiful a lady as yourself cannot make a song which does not abound with wit and pleasantry. The lady took a lute, and tuning it to her voice, sung with so much justness, grace and expression, that Abon Hassan was in perfect ecstacy all the time, and was so much delighted, that he ordered her to sing it again, and was as much charmed with it as at first.

When the lady had done, Abon Hassan drank off his glass, and turning his head towards her, to give her those praises which he thought due to her, was prevented by the powder, which operated so suddenly, that his mouth was wide open, and his eyes close shut, and dropping his head on the table like a man overcome with sleep, he slept as profoundly as the day before at the same time the caliph gave him the powder. One of the ladies stood ready to catch the glass, which fell out of his hand; and then the caliph, who took a greater satisfaction in this scene than he had promised himself and was all along a spectator of what had passed, came into the hall to them, overjoyed at the success of his plan. He ordered Abon Hassan to be dressed again in his own clothes, and to be carried back again to his own house by the same slave that brought him, charging him to lay him on a sofa in the same room, without making any noise, and to leave the door open when he came away.

The slave took Abon Hassan upon his shoulders, and carried him home by a back door of the palace, placed him in his own house as he was ordered, and returned with speed, to acquaint the caliph what he had done. Well, said the caliph, Abon Hassan wished only to be caliph for one day, to punish the iman of the mosque of his quarter, and the four scheiks or old men who had displeased him: I have procured him the means of doing this, and he ought to be content.

In the mean time, Abon Hassan, who was laid upon his sofa by the slave, slept till very late the next morning. When the powder was worked off, Abon Hassan waked and opened his eyes, and finding himself at home, was in the utmost surprise. Cluster of Pearls! Morning Star! Coral Lips! Moon Face! cried he, calling the ladies of the palace by their names, as he remembered them; where are you? come hither.

Abon Hassan called so loud, that his mother, who was in her own apartment, heard, and running to him upon the noise he made, said, What ails you, son? what has happened to you? At these words Abon Hassan lifted up his head, and looking haughtily at his mother, said, Good woman! who is it you call son? --Why you, answered his mother very mildly; are not you Abon Hassan, my son? It is strange that you have forgot yourself so soon. I your son! old trull! replied Abon Hassan; you are a liar, and know not what you say! I am not Abon Hassan, I tell you, but the commander of the faithful!

Hold your tongue, son, answered the mother; one would think you are a fool to hear you talk thus. You are an old fool yourself, replied Abon Hassan; I tell you once more I am the commander of the faithful, and God’s vicar on earth! Ah! child, cried the mother, is it possible that I should hear you utter such words that show you are distracted! What evil genius possesses you, to make you talk at this rate? God bless you, and preserve you from the power of Satan. You are my son Abon Hassan, and I am your mother.

After she had made use of all the arguments she could think of to bring him to himself, and to show how great an error he was in, she said, Do not you see, that the room you are now in is your own, and is not like a chamber in a palace fit for the commander of the believers, and that you have never left it since you was born, but lived quietly at home with me? Think seriously of what I say, and do not fancy things that are not, nor ever can be. Once more, my son, think seriously of it.

Abon Hassan heard all these remonstrances of his mother very patiently, holding down his eyes, and clapping his hands under his chin, like a man recollecting himself, to examine the truth of what he saw and heard. At last, he said to his mother, just as if he was come out of a deep sleep, and with his hand in the same posture, I believe you are right; methinks I am Abon Hassan, you are my mother, and I am in my own room. Then looking at her again, and at every object before him, he added, I am Abon Hassan, there is no doubt of it, and I cannot comprehend how this fancy came into my head.

The mother really believed that her son was cured of that disorder of his mind, which she ascribed to a dream, and began to laugh with him, and ask him questions about this dream; when all on a sudden he started up, and looking crossly at his mother, said, Old sorceress, you know not what you say. I am not your son, nor you my mother. You deceive yourself, and would deceive me. I tell you I am the commander of the faithful, and you shall never persuade me to the contrary! For Heaven’s sake, son, said the mother, let us leave off this discourse; recommend yourself to God, for fear some misfortune should happen to us: let us talk of something else. I will tell you what happened yesterday in our quarter to the iman of the mosque, and the four scheiks our neighbours; the judge of the police came and seized them, and gave each of them I know not how many strokes with a bull’s pizzle, while a crier proclaimed, That was the punishment of all those who troubled themselves about other people’s business, and employed themselves in setting their neighbours at variance: he afterwards led them through all the streets, and ordered them never to come into our quarter again. Abon Hassan’s mother little thought her son had any share in this adventure, and therefore turned the discourse on purpose to put him out of the conceit of being the commander of the faithful; but instead of effacing that idea, she rather recalled it, and impressed it more deeply in his imagination that it was not imaginary, but real.

Abon Hassan no sooner heard this relation, but he cried out, I am neither thy son, nor Abon Hassan, but certainly the commander of the believers. I cannot doubt of it after what you have told me. Know then that it was by my order that the iman and the four scheiks were punished; and I tell you I am certainly the commander of the faithful: therefore tell me no more of its being a dream. I was not asleep, but as much awake as I now am. You do me a pleasure to confirm what the judge of the police told me he had executed punctually according to my order; and I am overjoyed that the iman and the four scheiks, those great hypocrites, were so chastised, and I should be glad to know how I came here. God be praised for all things! I am certainly commander of the faithful, and all thy arguments shall not convince me of the contrary.

The mother, who could not divine or imagine why her son so strenuously and positively maintained himself to be caliph, never disputed but that he had lost his senses, when she found he insisted so much upon a thing that was so incredible; and in this thought, said, I pray God, son, to have mercy upon you! Pray do not talk so madly. Beseech God to forgive you, and give you grace to talk more reasonably. What would the world say to hear you rave in this manner? Do you not know that ‘walls have ears?’

These remonstrances only enraged Abon Hassan the more; and he was so provoked at his mother, that he said, Old woman, I have bid you once already to hold your tongue. If you do not, I shall rise and give you cause to repent it all your lifetime. I am the caliph and the commander of the believers; and you ought to believe me when I say so.

Then the good woman perceiving that he was more distracted than ever, abandoned herself to tears, and beating her face and breast, expressed the utmost grief and astonishment to see her son in that terrible state. Abon Hassan, instead of being appeased, and being moved by his mother’s tears, on the contrary lost all the respect due from a son to his mother, and getting up hastily, and laying hold of a cane, ran to his mother in great fury, and in a threatening manner, that would have frightened every one but a mother so partial to him, said, Tell me presently, wicked woman, who I am. I do not believe, son, replied she, looking at him tenderly, and void of fear, that you are so abandoned by God as not to know your mother, who brought you into the world, and to mistake yourself. You are indeed my son Abon Hassan, and are very much in the wrong to arrogate to yourself the title which belongs only to our sovereign lord the caliph Haroun Alraschid, after the noble and generous present the monarch made us yesterday. In short, I forgot to tell you, that the grand vizier Giafar came to me yesterday, and putting a purse of a thousand pieces of gold into my hands, bid me pray for the commander of the faithful, who made me that present; and does not this liberality concern you more than me, who have but a short time to live?

At these words Abon Hassan grew quite mad. The circumstance of the caliph’s liberality his mother told him of, persuaded him more than ever that he was caliph, remembering that he had sent the vizier. Well, old hag, cried he, will you be convinced when I tell you I sent you those thousand pieces of gold by my grand vizier Giafar, who obeyed my commands, as I was commander of the faithful? But instead of believing me you endeavour to distract me by your contradictions, and maintain with obstinacy that I am your son, but you shall not go long unpunished. After these words, he was so unnatural, in the height of his frenzy, as to beat her cruelly with his cane.

The poor mother, who could not have thought that her son would have come so soon from words to blows, called out for help so loud, that the neighbours ran in to her assistance. Abon Hassan continued to beat her, at every stroke asking her if he was the commander of the faithful? To which she always answered tenderly, that he was her son.

By that time the neighbours came in, Abon Hassan’s rage began to abate. The first who entered the room got between him and his mother, and taking the cane out of his hand, said to him, What are you doing, Abon Hassan? have you lost all fear of God, and your reason? Did ever a son so well brought up as you, dare to strike his mother? Are you not ashamed so to treat yours, who loves you so tenderly? Abon Hassan, still full of fury, looked at him that spoke without returning an answer; and then staring on all the rest of his neighbours that followed him, said, Who is that Abon Hassan you speak of? Is it me you call by that name?

This question disconcerted the neighbours a little. How! said he who spoke first, do not you know your mother, who brought you up, and with whom you have always lived? Begone, you are impertinent people, replied Abon Hassan; I neither know her nor you, and will not know her. I am not Abon Hassan; I am the commander of the faithful, and will make you know it to your cost.

At this discourse the neighbours no longer doubted that he was mad; and to prevent his being guilty of the like actions, seized him, notwithstanding his resistance, and bound him hand and foot. But though apparently disabled from doing any mischief, they did not choose to leave him alone with his mother. Two of them ran for the keeper of the hospital for mad folks, who came presently with chains, hand-cuffs, a bull’s pizzle, and a great many attendants. When they entered the room, Abon Hassan, who little expected such treatment, struggled to unloose himself; but after his keeper had given him two or three smart strokes upon the shoulders with the bull’s pizzle, he lay so quiet, that the keeper and his people did what they would with him. As soon as they had bound and manacled him, they took him with them to the hospital. When he was got out of his house into the street, the people crowded round him; one buffeted him, another boxed him, and others called him fool and madman. To all this treatment he replied, There is no greatness and power but in God most high and almighty. I am treated as a fool, though I am in my right senses. I suffer all these injuries and indignities for the love of God. He was conducted to the hospital, where he was lodged in an iron cage; but before he was shut up, the keeper, who was hardened to such terrible execution, regaled him without pity with fifty strokes of the bull’s pizzle on his shoulders, which he repeated every day for three weeks, bidding him remember that he was not the commander of the faithful. I am not mad; but if I did want your assistance, nothing would so effectually make me mad, as your cruel treatment of me. I want not your advice, said Abon Hassan.

Abon Hassan’s mother went every day to see her son, and could not forbear crying to see him fall away daily, and to hear him sigh and complain at the hardships he endured. In short his shoulders, back, and sides, were so black and bruised, that he could not turn himself. His mother would willingly have talked with him, to comfort him, and to sound him whether he still retained the notion of being caliph; but whenever she opened her mouth he stopped her with so much fury, that she was forced to leave him, and return home inconsolable at his obstinacy.

By degrees those strong and lively ideas which Abon Hassan entertained, of having been clothed in the caliph’s habit, and having exercised his authority, and been punctually obeyed and treated like the true caliph, and which persuaded him when he awaked that he was so, all began to wear away insensibly. Sometimes he would say to himself, If I was the caliph and commander of the believers, how came I, when I awaked, to find myself at home, dressed in my own apparel? Why should I not have been attended by eunuchs, and their chief, and a crowd of beautiful ladies? Why should my grand vizier Giafar, and all those emirs and governors of provinces, who prostrated themselves at my feet, forsake me? Undoubtedly if I had any authority over them, they would have delivered me long ago out of this miserable condition I am in; certainly I ought to look upon all as a dream. It is true I commanded the judge of the police to punish the iman and the four old men his companions; I ordered Giafar the grand vizier to carry my mother a thousand pieces of gold; and all my commands were executed. All these things are obstacles to my believing it a dream, and I cannot comprehend it; but there are so many things that I cannot comprehend, nor ever shall, that I will put my trust in God, who knows all things.