Chapter VII: Part XI

PELLEAS then, when all the flies were gone, Sat faithful on his horse, upon the lawn That skirts the castle moat; and thought the dame, For want of pluck, could never give him blame. He sat a week. She grew so blazing mad, She raved, and called three other knights she had; And cried, "That fool will drive me wild, I fear! Go bind his hands, and walk him Spanish here." And when the idiot heard her, he did grin And smirk, and let them walk him Spanish in. Then, railing vile, that he might take offence, She, sneering, asked him would he ne'er go hence;

And cursed him till her face grew crimson red. Like cats of Cheshire then he grinned, and said:

"Sent by thy train and thee to Coventry, I hung with grooms and porters on the bridge; Watched by thy three tall squires. And there I shaped An ancient willow's sapling into this."

And handed her a whistle. "Kick him out!" She yelled; and the knights, laughing, took the lout, And thrust him from the gate. A week from this, Looking without, she saw his simple phiz; And cried "Go kill him! Stick him like a pig! You three can do it, if he is so big!" Unwilling, yet the knights went out to try, And light-of-love GAWAIN came riding by. "What ho!" he cried, "I'm in, if that fight's free; So here I come-ye knavish cowards three!" "For me," PELLEAS cried, "the fight she means," And charging, knocked them into smithereens. Now called she other knights, and cried out, "Once Again go bind and bring me here that dunce!" And when he heard, he let himself be bound,

And o'er the bridge they kicked him like a hound. When she had sneered her sneeriest, then she said, "Turn him out bound!" He lifted up his head,

"You ask me why, tho' ill at ease
Within this region I subsist?"

"I did," she said, "but pray desist
From further quoting, if you please."

When forth PELLEAS came, his hands all tied, The brave GAWAIN, he bounded to his side, And loosed his bonds and said, "Look here, good friend, This sort of thing had better have an end. Just you go home, and take a Turkish bath, And I will cure this lady of her wrath. Give me your horse and shield. Take mine, I'll say I've killed you, stiffly dead, in mortal fray. Then she will straight repent; your death will rue, And while her heart is soft, I'll send for you."

This nincum-fubby-diddle-boodle, he Went home, and did not GAWATN'S laughter see! He waited till the moon, after three days, Gave promise of large lights on woods and ways, And then he hastened to ETTABBE'S gate. He found it open, and he did not wait to be announced, but hastened, full of hope, To where her tent stood on the garden slope. He knew she slept the roses all among, And as he softly stepped, he softly sung:

"I am coming, my own, my sweet!
Were it ever so airy a tread,
Thy heart would hear me and beat,
Were it earth in an earthly bed.
Thy dust would hear me and beat,
Hads't thou lain for a century dead,
Would start and tremble under my feet--

And just then he saw GAWAIN'S head! With one wild bound toward the
dark'ning skies, From out the garden gates he madly flies. But soon his
mind it alters. Slipping back, His tune he changes--trying this new
tack:"Howe'er it be, it seems to me
'Tis only noble to be good;
Kind hearts are more than coronets,
And simple faith, than Norman blood.

O lady! You may veer and veer,
A great enchantress you may be,
But there'll be that across your throat,
Which you would scarcely care to see."

Then he, while sleep of senses them bereft, Soft thrust his lance through both their necks--and left. The cold touch in her throat she felt, and woke. She knew the lance, and to GAWAIN she spoke. "Liar!" she said. "That man you have not slain. Let's both clear out! He may come back again!"

(_To be Continued._)

OUR PORTFOLIO.

That most gay, gallant and airy body of horsemen known as the "Brooklyn Dutch Light Cavalry," are much indebted to the projectors of the Knightly meeting which took place recently at Prospect Park, for an opportunity to display those equestrian graces which a few cross-grained critics have been disposed to deny them. The general public never had any doubts upon the subject, but it is well enough to silence those who took much credit to themselves in detecting faults where others could not discover them. The result shows how completely such mendacity can be exposed. Of the numerous prizes awarded, two-thirds fell to the members of Brooklyn's Teutonic Cavalry. They were especially admired for the firmness with which they kept their saddles, under circumstances enough to unhorse a Centaur. We noted, particularly, one cavalier, known in the lists as the Knight of RUDESHEIMER. He keeps a pork store in Fulton Avenue, and turned a Fairbanks Scale, but two days before the tourney, at 275 lbs. This gallant rode a very sprightly steed, which struggled under the double calamity of being slightly spavined and quite blind in the left eye. One of the effects of the latter misfortune was to keep the animal constantly in the belief that somebody meditated foul play upon its unguarded flank, and at the slightest stir in the crowd it would wheel violently around, to the great consternation its rider, and the evident alarm of contiguous Knights. PUNCHINELLO, who was very conspicuous in the throng, and was mounted upon a highly mettled Ukraine steed, observed the cavorting of the Knight of RUDESHEIMER, and cantered gaily towards him. In attempting to pass, his spur touched the side of the blind steed,--which kicked at PUNCHINELLO'S fiery Ukraine in a very ungracious manner. Our animal would take a kick from no other animal calmly, and so, without waiting to weigh consequences, it gave RUDESHEIMER'S Rosinante a severe "chuck" in the ribs with its hind feet. In an instant horse and rider were spinning around like a top. A space was immediately cleared, and the crowd awaited in breathless silence the fate of the Knight. His swayings were fearful, until PUNCHINELLO, anticipating an apoplectic fit from such a terrific revolution, dashed in, and seizing the frightened steed by the bridle, brought him to bay. The Knight's face was livid with rage and, instead of thanking PUNCHINELLO, he roared at the pitch of his voice.

"Dunder und blitzen! Du bist ein tam phool. Vat for you not sees I ish tied to mein saddle?"

The pride of horsemanship could go no further, and so PUNCHINELLO left.

SONG OF THE RED CLOUD.

[Supposed to have been uttered on the occasion of a conference of Savages at Washington with a view to the settlement of our Indian difficulties.]

How! Call all my chiefs together--
Makpialutah, Red Cloud wants 'em:
Shunkalutah, him the Red Dog;
Brave Bear, Montaohetekah;
Setting Bear, Maktohutakah;
Rock Bear, Live Bear, Long Bear, Short Bear,
Little Bear, Yellow Bear, and Bear Skin,
Keyalutah, Red Fly--Shoo Fly!
Dahsanowee, White Cow Rattler,
Pahgee, Shunkmonetoohakah,
Shatonsapah, Maktohashena,
Kokepah, Ocklehelutah,
Newakohnkechaksaheuntah,
Whoop! haloo! Yahoo! Halooooooooo!

(Sudden rush of warriors on all sides with war-whoop, flourish of
tomahawks, and inexplicable dumb show.]

Ugh! What now would have the White Man?
Sell he swindle, rum, fire-water,
We will sell him Fear in plenty.
What would have Great Cloud, our father,
He the Smoke-nose, he the Big Fish?
They not cheat us, we not murder.
Pale-faces like the leaves of forests:
Many squaws with paint and feathers--
None like Makochawyuntaker,
The World-looker, wife of Black Hawk.
Much skull, but few scalp in Congress.
Talk much--very great tongue-warriors.
Tomahawk could end the tongue-fight.
Hrumph! I like not these pale-faces,
Makpialutah mourns for battle,
Red Cloud thirsts for blood of Pawnees,
Red Cloud cries for scalp of white men,
Red Cloud angers the Great Spirit,
Red Cloud trembles for the War Dance!
Ugh! Hrumph! How! Whoop, whoop, haloooooo!

[The Conference of Chiefs, after an uproar of shrill and guttural sounds, break: up with the favorite can-can of the Sioux.]

A Pleasant Prospect.

The Massachusetts editors, who are shortly to meet in convention at Boston, are threatened with three distressing courtesies, viz: a concert on the Big Organ, a visit to the School Ship, and a banquet in Fanuil Hall. They have our sincerest condolences.

FRANK PAYS A VISIT OF CONDOLENCE TO HIS FRIEND, WHO IS ILL WITH RELAPSING FEVER.]

THEN HE THINKS HIS HAIR SHOULD BE FUMIGATED, AND SUBSEQUENTLY HE HAS TO BE EXTINGUISHED.]

MY COUP D'ETAT.

Mr. PUNCHINELLO: For sometime--I would not like to say how long--the undersigned has been a candidate for the office of Whiskey Inspector for the Judasville district of his State. I have had powerful backing from the scrap-iron members of Congress from my section, but their efforts and my own have long seemed of little avail. The other day, however, I saw in the papers the account of the _coup d'etat_ of the DUKE OF SALDANHA, in Portugal. An idea immediately entered my brain. These _effete_ monarchies, these governments of the past, on which "the rust of ages," as VICTOR HUGO remarks, "lies like a bloody snow of bygone vassalage," have yet sufficient vitality to teach a lesson to the young and vigorous governments of the West. At any rate this old duke taught me a lesson, and I did my best to hurry off and say it. It was evident that if I wanted to be Whiskey Inspector of Judasville, (and I am justified in saying that no man in the district possesses more peculiar qualifications for the post,) that something in the SALDANHA style must be done. The time had passed for petitions and lobbying. I went immediately to the commander of the Judasville Rifles, and enlisted his sympathies in my cause. He willingly placed his company at my service, but whether this was due to my offer to pay the board-bills and car-fare of the organization while it was under my orders, or to my eloquent statement of my case, I have not yet had an opportunity to discover. The men who, from the very commencement of the undertaking, had constituted themselves the inspectors of my whiskey, were in high good spirits, and, in a body, numbering some forty-six, we arrived in Washington, on a bright morning, about a week ago. It would not do, on an occasion like this, to delay matters. Accordingly I marched my troops directly to the White House. The man in charge of the door took my men for a visiting target company, and told me, whom he supposed was the member from their district, that I must marshal my friends out on the green, and he would notify the Private Secretary. I made no answer to this, but ordered the troops to charge bayonets, and we entered the White House at a double-quick. I led the way directly to GRANT'S study, and stationing my men in the doorway, I entered. He was within, cutting up an "old soger" to smoke in his pipe. After shaking bands with him, I sat down and inquired if that was a _regalia _he was cutting up.

"No," said he. "This is the HANCOCK brand."

"Oh!" said I.

"Well?" said he, looking somewhat inquisitively at the soldiers, who crowded into the doorway, and almost filled the entry beyond.

"Mr. President," said I, rising and clearing my throat, "I do not wish to occupy much time in the present business--especially as I have to pay the hotel bills of these brave veterans until it is finished. Therefore I will come directly to the point. I desire, immediately, the appointment of Whiskey Inspector for the Judasville district. I have been an applicant for said position quite long enough, and I demand that you make out my commission this morning."

"And suppose I don't?" says GRANT.

"In that case," said I,--"in that case--well, in that case, _there_ are my companions in arms, the brave supporters of my cause!" and I pointed proudly to the Judasville Rifles.

"Well," said GRANT, puffing away at the HANCOCK remnants, "what do you propose to do with them--besides paying their hotel bills, I mean?"

"To do?" said I, "to do?"--and now, to tell the truth, I experienced an immediate disadvantage of not having formed a plan of my campaign. But it would not do to hesitate.

"To do?" I repeated, speaking louder this time. "I shall march upon--well, upon each of the public buildings in turn, and I shall take them and hold them."

"And then?" said GRANT.

"Well," said I, "then, of course, you will see the impossibility of carrying my strongholds without a fearful slaughter, and to prevent the consequent effusion of blood, you will despatch a courier to me, requesting my presence in your council-room."

"And then?" said GRANT.

"I will come," I answered.

"And then?" said GRANT.

"You will give me the Whiskey Inspectorship," I answered.

GRANT glanced at me, and then at the body of troops by which I was supported. Indomitable resolution sat upon every lineament of my countenance, and resolute determination showed itself in the faces of my brave men. Already, from afar, they sniffed the delicious perfumes of the rewards of victory. (It is needless to particularize the alcoholic promises I had made them in case of success.)

GRANT rang a little bell--I think he bought it second-hand, when SEWARD sold out to go travelling--and an obstrusive attendant entered by a back door.

Then, to this obtrusive attendant said the President; "James, step over to the War Department and tell SHERMAN to send me the Eighth and Eleventh Brigades of Cavalry; the Seventy-first and Fortieth Regiments of Artillery; the Twenty-second, Forty-fourth, and Eighty-eighth regiments of infantry, and two companies of sappers and miners."

JAMES departed.

I stepped forward.

"Mr. PRESIDENT," said I, "in order to prevent the effusion of blood, might it not be as well to settle our little business at once?"

GRANT smiled.

HODGINS, the captain of the Judasville Rifles, now came up to me and touched me on the arm.

"To prevent the effusion of blood," said he, "we are going home."

And they went!

My subsequent adventures, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, I cannot relate, for my paper is full, and the fellow who has charge of this cell has refused to get me any more, unless I give him more money, which I haven't got.

But of one thing my mind is certain, and that is that this country has not yet arrived at that high grade of official refinement and tenderness which Portugal has reached.

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