Chapter XI: Act IV: Scene I

(A Room in Herman's house. Henrich, alone. He has braid on both sleeves of his coat, which reaches to his heels, and is trimmed with white paper.)

HENRICH. I am a cur if I can see how the council hit on the idea of making my master burgomaster, because I can see no connection between a tinker and a high official like that, unless it is that just as a tinker throws plates and dishes into a mould and melts them up into new ones, so a good burgomaster can remould the republic, when it is declining, by making good laws. But the good men did not take into consideration the fact that my master is the worst tinker in Hamburg, and therefore, if they have by any chance chosen him on that basis, he will be the worst burgomaster, too, that we have ever had. The only useful thing about their choice is that it makes me a reutendiener, and that is a position for which I have both talent and inclination, for ever since I was a boy I have enjoyed seeing people arrested. It is a good place, too, for one who knows how to make something out of it. First of all I must appear to have a great deal of say with the burgomaster, and when people get that article of faith through their heads, Henrich will make at least a hundred or two hundred thalers a year, which I shall take not out of greed, but only to show that I understand my business as reutendiener. If any one wants to talk to the burgomaster, I say he is not at home. If they say they saw him at the window, I answer that it makes no difference, he is still not at home. People in Hamburg know at once what that answer means; they slip a thaler into Henrich's hand, and his Honor promptly comes home. If he has been ill, he recovers at once; if he has had visitors, they leave at once; if he has been lying down, he gets up at once. I run about with the lackeys of the gentry, now and then, and I know well enough what goes on in those houses. In the old days when folks were as stupid as horses and asses, such things were called stealing, but now they are known as "extras," "tips," or "unclassified income." But look, here comes Anneke; she doesn't know yet about the transformation, for she still has her vulgar tinker-look and tinker-walk.

SCENE 2

[Enter Anneke.]

ANNEKE. Ha, ha, ha! He looks like a mummer. I believe that's an Adrienne that he's got on him.

HENRICH. Listen, you tinker's trash! have you never seen a livery or a lackey before? Faith, these common people are like animals, they stand and stare like cows, when they see a man in different clothes one day from what he wears another.

ANNEKE. No, a joke's one thing, and sober truth's another. Don't you know that I've learned to tell fortunes? An old woman came here to-day who reads people's hands. I gave her a bit of bread and she taught me the art of seeing in people's hands what is going to happen to them. If I may look at your hand, I can tell your fortune at once.

HENRICH. Yes, yes, Anneke! Henrich isn't as stupid as you think. I smell a rat already. You have got wind of the promotion that is promised me to-day.

ANNEKE. No, indeed, I know nothing about it.

HENRICH. See how straight she keeps her face. Indeed you have heard it, and that is why you know how to tell fortunes so well. No, Henrich has an old head on his shoulders, and he can't be led by the nose.

ANNEKE. I give you my oath that I haven't heard a word of what you are talking about.

HENRICH. Haven't you been talking to madam the burgomaster's wife?

ANNEKE. The fellow is mad. What burgomaster's wife do I know?

HENRICH. Then I believe the young lady has told you.

ANNEKE. Here, enough of this nonsense, Henrich.

HENRICH. Look here, Anneke, here is my hand. Tell my fortune all you want. I see well enough that you have got wind of the affair, although you act as if you knew nothing about it. But it can do no harm to have you so wily; our whole household must be like that from now on. Now, what do you see in my hand?

ANNEKE. I see, Henrich, that master's custos which hangs back of the stove will dance a merry step on your back this day. Aren't you ashamed to go round like a mummer when there is so much work to do in the house, and to treat the master's coat like that?

HENRICH. Listen, Anneke! I can tell fortunes without reading hands. I prophesy that you are a rascal, and for your shameless talk you are going to get a box on the ear, or two, as the case may be. See, there's a prophecy come true. (Boxes her ear.)

ANNEKE. Ow, ow, ow! You shall pay dear for that.

HENRICH. Learn to show ordinary respect another time for a great gentleman's lackey--(Boxes her ear again.)

ANNEKE. Just you wait; mistress will be here in a minute.

HENRICH (again).--for the burgomaster's most distinguished servant--

ANNEKE. She will take it out on your back.

HENRICH (again).--for a reutendiener--

ANNEKE. Yes, yes! I say it again: that will cost you dear.

HENRICH (again).--for a person of great influence with the burgomaster--

ANNEKE. Oh, oh! No one in this house has ever struck me before.

HENRICH (again).--whom all the citizens will cherish and compliment henceforth.

ANNEKE. I think the fellow is stark mad. Oh, mistress! mistress! Come here!

HENRICH. Hush, hush! You will get into trouble with your mistress. I see now that you don't know what has happened, so, like a Christian, I forgive your fault. The council has unanimously elected the master burgomaster, mistress madam burgomaster, and decreed Engelke out of mere maidenhood into the degree of young lady. Therefore you can easily understand that it won't do for me to work any more. For the same reason, too, I wear this livery that you notice.

ANNEKE. Well, don't stand and stare at me into the bargain.

HENRICH. It is as I say, Anneke! Here comes the young lady, who shall vouch for my words.

SCENE 3

(Enter Engelke.)

ENGELKE. Oh, God help me, poor creature! Now I see that all hope is gone.

HENRICH. Oh, my young lady, is this the time to weep, when your parents have come into such good fortune?

ENGELKE. Hold your tongue, Henrich, I don't want to be "my young lady."

HENRICH. What are you going to be, then? You're not a mere maiden, so you must be a young lady. That is surely the next degree of honor to which you rise when you lose your maidenhood.

ENGELKE. I had rather be a peasant's daughter. Then I could be sure of getting the man on whom I have set my heart.

HENRICH. Oh, is that all the young lady is crying about--that she wants to get married? Now she can get married in the shortest possible time to any man she points at, for half the town will besiege the house to be a burgomaster's son-in-law.

ENGELKE. I won't have any one but Antonius, whom I've already promised to marry.

HENRICH. Fie, Mamsell! Will you take a wheelwright now, a man I can scarcely associate with,--I, who am only a reutendiener? You should have a higher sense of honor after this.

ENGELKE. Be quiet, you lout! I would give up my life rather than let myself be forced to marry any one else.

HENRICH. Now reassure yourself, my young lady, we shall see, I and the burgomaster, if we can't help Antonius into office, and then you can take him and welcome. (Exit Engelke. Anneke weeps.) Why are you crying, Anneke?

ANNEKE. I am crying for joy over the fortune that has come to our house.

HENRICH. True enough, Anneke, you have cause to rejoice. Who the devil would have thought that such a sow as you are could ever become a lady's maid?

ANNEKE. And who the dickens could have thought that such a hog as you might become a reutendiener?

HENRICH. Listen, little girl, I haven't time to talk to you any longer now. Madam expects guests; I must prepare coffee. See, here she is; let us go. I must run get the coffee-table. [Exeunt.

SCENE 4

(Enter Geske with a dog in her arms. Henrich returns with the coffee-table and sets it busily.)

GESKE. Listen, Henrich, is there syrup in the coffee?

HENRICH. No, Mistress!

GESKE. No more "Master" and "Mistress," Henrich! I say that once for all. Run get some syrup and put it into the pot. (Exit Henrich.) I was free from all this hubbub before. But I suppose that once I am used to it, it will come easier to me.

(Enter Henrich.)

HENRICH. Here is the syrup.

GESKE. Pour it into the pot. Goodness me, some one is knocking. It must be the wives of councillors to call on me.

HENRICH (at the door). Whom do you want to speak to?

GIRL. Tell your master that he can lie like ten tinkers. I have worn out a pair of shoes running to and fro after the dripping-pan.

HENRICH. I say, whom do you want to speak to?

GIRL. I want to speak to Master Herman.

HENRICH. You are on a wild-goose chase. Burgomaster von Bremenfeld lives here.

GIRL. It is a scandal when people can't get their things done, and have to let themselves be made fools of by a miserable tinker.

HENRICH. If you have any fault to find with tinkers, you must go to the Council Hall; you will get justice there, or I don't know Burgomaster von Bremenfeld.

TWO LACKEYS. Our ladies are desirous of announcing that if it suits the convenience of Madam Burgomaster, they should like to have the honor of waiting on her.

HENRICH (to the Girl). Now, do you see, you scum of the earth, that it's no tinker that lives here? (To the servants.) I will inquire if the burgomaster's lady is at home.

[The Girl goes.

HENRICH (to Geske). Here are two councillors' ladies outside, who want to talk to the mistress.

GESKE. Let them in.

SCENE 5

(Enter Madame Abrahams and Madame Sanderus. They kiss Geske's apron.)

MME. ABRAHAMS. We have come here to-day to offer our most humble congratulations and to témoigner the heartfelt joy and delight that we feel at your advancement, and at the same time to recommend ourselves to your favor and affection.

GESKE. Tres humble servitoor! I wonder if you wouldn't like to drink a cup of coffee.

MME. ABRAHAMS. We thank Madam Burgomaster, but this time we have come only to offer congratulations.

GESKE. Tres humble servitoor! But I know you like coffee. Perhaps you just want to be urged. Be so good as to sit down; the coffee is all ready. Henrich!

HENRICH. Gracious madam?

GESKE. Have you put the syrup in the coffee?

HENRICH. Yes, I have. [Exit.

GESKE. Please, good ladies, won't you have some?

MME. SANDERUS. I hope you will be so good as to excuse us, but we never drink coffee.

GESKE. Oh, nonsense, I know better I beg you be seated.

MME. SANDERUS (aside to Mme. Abrahams). Oh, ma soeur, I am sick at the mere thought of that syrup.

GESKE. Henrich, come fill the cups.

(Enter Henrich.)

MME. SANDERUS. That is enough, my good man. I can drink only half a cup.

HENRICH. I am to ask Madam Burgomaster to step in for a moment and speak to the burgomaster.

GESKE. Excuse me, good ladies, I must go for an instant. You shall shortly have the honor of seeing me again.

[Exeunt Henrich and Geske.

SCENE 6

MME. ABRAHAMS. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Whom is the joke on now, my sister, she whom we laugh at in our sleeves as we sit here, or we who have to drink coffee with syrup in it?

MME. SANDERUS. For Heaven's sake don't mention the syrup again! My stomach comes up into my throat when I think of it.

MME. ABRAHAMS. Did you notice the airs she put on when we kissed her apron? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I shall never forget as long as I live that "Tres humble servitoor." Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

MME. SANDERUS. Don't laugh so loud, sister, I'm afraid they can hear it.

MME. ABRAHAMS. Oh, it is a real art to be able to keep from laughing. And wasn't that the sweetest dog she had in her arms? The loveliest watch-dog one might wish for. I am sure it was called "Joli" into the bargain. Heavens, heavens, how true it is, as people always say, that no one is more arrogant than those who come up from the dregs into positions of honor! That is why nothing is more dangerous than these sudden changes. People who are of good stock and are properly brought up are only too glad to stay as they were, or even to become more humble, when they rise to higher distinction. But those who grow up quickly out of nothing, like mushrooms, seem to come naturally by intolerable pride.

MME. SANDERUS. I wonder what the reason can be? I should think such people ought rather to be humbled by the thought of their former position.

MME. ABRAHAMS. The reason must be that those who come from good families have never suspected any one of despising them, and consequently don't worry about how they are received, whereas common people have always suspected every one, and think that every word and every glance is intended as a reflection on their previous state, and so they seek to assert their dignity by making themselves imperious and tyrannous. Believe me, dear sister! There is something in springing from good stock. But here comes the boy; we had better be still.

SCENE 7

(Enter Henrich.)

HENRICH. The good ladies must not let the time seem long. The madam is coming back in a minute. The burgomaster has presented her with a new collar for her dog, but it was a little too wide; so the tailor is in there taking the measure of the dog's neck. As soon as that's settled, she will come back. But I hope you good ladies won't take it amiss, if I ask you a favor: will you be so good as to think of me in a little remembrance, for I have heavy work, and slave like a beast here in the house.

MME. ABRAHAMS. Gladly, my friend! Here is a gulden,--you will accept it.

HENRICH. Ah, my best thanks! I hope that I may serve you ladies again. Now, you must drink your fill while the mistress is out; she won't be angry, or if she is, I will make it all right.

MME. ABRAHAMS. My good man, the greatest service you can do us is not to urge us.

HENRICH. As I say, gentle ladies, I know the mistress won't mind; you simply must drink. Perhaps it isn't sweet enough. I will go get some more syrup.--But here she comes herself.

SCENE 8

(Enter Geske.)

GESKE. I beg your pardon for staying away so long. ladies, you haven't drunk a thing in all this time! We simply must empty the pot, and then when you have the coffee, you must taste our ale. If I do say it it is as good as any ale in town.

MME. SANDERUS. Oh, I feel so very bad, you must pardon me if I am unable to stay any longer. My sister will stay and try it.

MME. ABRAHAMS. Oh, no, it would be a sin to desert my sister. We commend ourselves to the affection of Madam Burgomaster.

GESKE. Then you must have a glass of brandy--it will make you perfectly well again--it drives out the wind. Henrich! run get a glass of brandy--the lady's not feeling well.

MME. SANDERUS. No, excuse me; I must go. [Exeunt.

SCENE 9

(Enter another Councillor's Wife.)

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. Your humble servant. I have come dutifully to extend my felicitations.

(Geske reaches out her hand to be kissed, and the lady kisses it.)

GESKE. It will be a pleasure to me if I or the burgomaster can be of any service. Won't you sit down, please? Don't stand on ceremony, just imagine that you are among your equals.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. I am deeply obliged, madam! (Sits down.)

GESKE. Some of your colleagues were just here and drank some coffee with me; I think there must be a couple of cups left, if you should like some. The bottom's the best. I don't believe I can drink any more, because I've got so much in me already that my stomach's like a drum.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. I thank you humbly, but I have just had some coffee.

GESKE. As you wish. We gentlefolk don't urge any one. Oh, listen, dear madam--do you know of any Frenchwoman to recommend for my young lady? I want her to learn French.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. Yes, my lady, I know one who is very satisfactory.

GESKE. Good; but I want to have her understand at the outset that I cannot tolerate having her call me "Madame" as the French people usually do. Not that I am proud, but I have my own ideas on the point.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. Oh, no, of course she must not. But might I not also have the privilege of kissing your daughter's hand?

GESKE. I should be delighted. Henrich! Call the young lady and tell her that a lady of the council is here and wishes to kiss her hand.

HENRICH. I don't think she can come, because she's darning her stockings. [Exit.

GESKE. Just listen to that lout, how he stands there and talks at random! Ha, ha, ha! He means to say "embroidering."

SCENE 10

(Enter Arianke, the Blacksmith's Wife. (This part is played by a man.))

ARIANKE. Oh, my dear sister Geske! Is it true that your husband has been made burgomaster? I am as pleased as if I had been given two marks. Let us see now that you haven't become proud, but acknowledge your old cronies. (Geske does not answer?) When was your husband made burgomaster? (Geske says not a word.) You are getting absent-minded, sister. I am asking you when your husband was made burgomaster.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. You must show a little more respect, dear Madam, to a burgomaster's wife.

ARIANKE. No, I don't have to stand on ceremony with sister Geske, for we have been like body and soul. But what is the matter, sister? It seems to me that you have grown a bit haughty.

GESKE. My good woman, I don't know you.

ARIANKE. The Lord preserve us! When you needed money, you knew me well enough. You can't be sure but my husband may come to be the same as yours some time before he dies.

(Geske turns faint and uses a bottle of smelling-salts.)

HENRICH. Get out, you smith's hag! Do you think you're standing in a smithy and talking?

[Takes her by the hand and leads her off.]

GESKE. Oh, madam, it is a sorrow to associate with these low-born people. Henrich! you will get into trouble if you let in any more commoners' wives after this.

HENRICH. She was drunk as a pig; the brandy fairly stuck out off her throat.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. The incident pains me, for I fear that Madam Burgomaster has been overcome by anger. People of rank cannot endure much. The higher one advances in position, the more delicate one's health becomes.

GESKE. Yes, I can assure you that I am far from having the health now that I had in my former rank.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. I can believe that easily. Madam will have to take physic every day. All other burgomaster's wives have had to do it.

HENRICH (aside to the audience). I think, by Jove, that I haven't the health I used to have, since I became reutendiener. I've got a stitch--oh, oh!--right here in my left side. You laugh at it, good people, but I am really in earnest. Ma foi, I am afraid that before I know it I shall have gout on me.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. Madam must also engage a doctor by the year for her whole household, and he can give her some drops which she can at least leave standing in a bottle, whether she uses them or not.

GESKE. Yes, I certainly shall follow your advice. Henrich! Later on you must run to Doctor Hermelin's and ask him to make me a visit when he has time.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE. I must now take my leave, madam, and commend myself to your affection.

GESKE. Already so commended, my dear lady! You have but to speak frankly to me or to Master Herman--I mean to Burgomaster von Bremenfeld. What service we can do to you or to those dear to you, you shall never lack.

COUNCILLOR'S WIFE (kissing her apron). Your most humble servant!

GESKE. Adieu! (Exit the Councillor's Wife.) Let us go in, for my husband is giving audience here.