Chapter I: Front Matter

List of Illustrations

Cover

Frontispiece

Titlepage

They Danced the Can-Can

Air Was Filled With Dog, and Pa, And Rockets

Stoper, Says Pa, I've Got a Whale

Ma Appears on the Scene

Pa on the Run

The Bad Boy and his Girl

Helen Damnation

The Gun Just Rared up

Then Everything Was Ready

Hell's-fire, What You Boys Doin

In the Wrong Room

A New Way to Take Seidlitz Powders

Too Late, Pa, I Die at the Hand of an Assassin

Just As I Am

Special Providences for a Bad Boy

Pa Grabbed Her by the Polonaise

Happy New Year Mum

Pa's Fire Escape

DETAILED CONTENTS:

CHAPTER I.
CHAPTER I.
THE BOY WITH A LAME BACKTHE BOY COULDN'T SIT DOWNA PRACTICAL JOKE ON
THE OLD MANA LETTER FROM "DAISY "GUARDING THE FOUR CORNERSTHE OLD
MAN IS UNUSUALLY GENEROUSMA ASKS AWKWARD QUESTIONSTHE BOY TALKED TO
WITH A BED SLATNO ENCOURAGEMENT FOR A BOY

CHAPTER II.
CHAPTER II.
THE BOY AT WORK AGAINTHE BEST BOYS FULL OF TRICKSTHE OLD MAN
LAYS DOWN THE LAW ABOUT JOKESRUBBER HOSE MACARONITHE OLD MAS's
STRUGGLESCHEWING VIGOROUSLY BUT IN VAINAN INQUEST HELDREVELRY BY
NIGHTMUSIC IN THE WOODSHED"'twas ever thus."

CHAPTER III.
CHAPTER III.
THE BAD BOY GIVES HIS PA AWAYPA IS A HARD CITIZENDRINKING
SOZODONTMAKING UP THE SPARE BEDTHE MIDNIGHT WAR DANCEAN
APPOINTMENT BY THE COAL-BIN.

CHAPTER IV.
CHAPTER IV.
THE BAD BOY'S FOURTH OF JULY.PA IS A POINTER, NOT A SETTERSPECIAL
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE FOURTH OF JULYA GRAND SUPPLY OF FIREWORKSTHE
EXPLOSIONTHE AIR FULL OF PA AND DOG AND ROCKETSTHE NEW HELLA SCENE
THAT BEGGARS DESCRIPTION.

CHAPTER V.
CHAPTER V.
THE BAD BOY'S MA COMES HOME.DEVILTRY, ONLY A LITTLE FUNTHE BAD
BOY'S CHUMA LADY'S WARDROBE IN THE OLD MAN'S ROOMMA's UNEXPECTED
ARRIVALWHERE IS THE HUZZY?DAMFINO!THE BAD BOY WANTS TO TRAVEL WITH
A CIRCUS

CHAPTER VI.
CHAPTER VI.
HIS PA IS A DARN COWARDHIS PA HAS BEEN A MAJORHOW HE WOULD DEAL WITH
BURGLARSHIS BRAVERY PUT TO THE TESTTHE ICE REVOLVERHIS PA BEGINS
TO PRAYTELLS WHERE THE CHANGE IS"PLEASE MR. BURGLAR SPARE A POOR
MAN'S LIFE!"MA WAKES UPTHE BAD BOY AND HIS CHUM RUNFISH-POLE
SAUCEMA WOULD MAKE A GOOD CHIEF OF POLICE

CHAPTER VII.
CHAPTER VII.
HIS PA GETS A BITE."HIS PA GETS TOO MUCH WATER"THE DOCTOR'S
DISAGREEHOW TO SPOIL BOYSHIS PA GOES TO PEWAUKEE IN SEARCH OF HIS
SONANXIOUS TO FISH"STOPER, I'VE GOT A WHALE!"OVERBOARDHIS PA IS
SAVEDA DOLLAR FOR HIS PANTS.

CHAPTER VIII.
CHAPTER VIII.
HE IS TOO HEALTHYAN EMPTY CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE AND A BLACK EYEHE IS
ARRESTEDOCONOMOWOC FOR HEALTHHIS PA. IS AN OLD MASHERDANCED TILL
THE COWS CAME HOMETHE GIRL FROM THE SUNNY SOUTHTHE BAD BOY IS SENT
HOME

CHAPTER IX.
CHAPTER IX.
HIS PA HAS GOT 'EM AGAIN.HIS PA IS DRINKING HARDHE HAS BECOME A
TERRORA JUMPING DOGTHE OLD MAN IS SHAMEFULLY ASSAULTED"THIS IS
A HELLISH CLIMATE MY BOY!"HIS PA SWEARS OFFHIS MA STILL SNEEZING AT
LAKE SUPERIOR

CHAPTER X.
CHAPTER X.
HIS PA HAS GOT RELIGIONTHE BAD BOY GOES TO SUNDAY SCHOOLPROMISES
REFORMATIONTHE OLD MAN ON TRIAL FOR SIX MONTHSWHAT MA THINKSANTS
IN PA'S LIVER-PADTHE OLD MAN IN CHURCHRELIGION IS ONE THING, ANTS
ANOTHER

CHAPTER XI.
CHAPTER XI.
HIS PA TAKES A TRICKJAMAICA RUM AND CARDSTHE BAD BOY POSSESSED OF
A DEVILTHE KIND DEACONAT PRAYER-MEETINGTHE OLD MAN TELLS HIS
EXPERIENCETHE FLYING CARDSTHE PRAYER-MEETING SUDDENLY CLOSED

CHAPTER XII.
CHAPTER XII.
HIS PA GETS PULLEDTHE OLD MAN STUDIES THE BIBLEDANIEL IN THE LIONS'
DENTHE MULE AND THE MULE'S FATHERMURDER IN THE THIRD WARDTHE OLD
MAN ARRESTEDTHE OLD MAN FANS THE DUST OUT OF HIS SON'S PANTS

CHAPTER XIII.
CHAPTER XIII.
HIS PA GOES TO THE EXPOSITIONTHE BAD BOY ACTS AS GUIDETHE CIRCUS
STORYTHE OLD MAN WANTS TO SIT DOWNTRIES TO EAT PANCAKESDRINKS SOME
MINERAL WATERTHE OLD MAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH A WAX WOMANA POLICEMAN
INTERFERESTHE LIGHTS GO OUTTHE GROCERY MAN DON'T WANT A CLERK

CHAPTER XIV.
CHAPTER XIV.
HIS PA CATCHES ONTWO DAYS AND NIGHTS IN THE BATHROOMRELIGION CAKES
THE OLD MAN'S BREASTTHE BAD BOY'S CHUM DRESSED UP AS A GIRLTHE OLD
MAN DELUDEDTHE COUPLE START FOR THE COURT HOUSE PARKHIS MA APPEARS
ON THE SCENE"IF YOU LOVE ME, KISS ME?"MA TO THE RESCUE"I AM DEAD
AM I?"HIS PA THROWS A CHAIR THROUGH THE TRANSOM

CHAPTER XV.
CHAPTER XV.
HIS PA AT THE RE-UNIONTHE OLD MAN IN MILITARY SPLENDORTELLS HOW HE
MOWED DOWN THE REBELS"I AND GRANT"WHAT IS A SUTLER.TEN DOLLARS FOR
PICKLES!"LET US HANG HIM!"THE OLD MAN ON THE RUNHE STANDS UP TO
SUPPERTHE BAD BOY IS TO DIE AT SUNSET

CHAPTER XVI.
CHAPTER XVI.
THE BAD BOY IN LOVEARE YOU A CHRISTIAN?NO GETTING TO HEAVEN ON SMALL
POTATOESTHE BAD BOY HAS TO CHEW COBSMA SAYS IT'S GOOD FOR A BOY
TO BE IN LOVELOVE WEAKENS THE BAD BOYHOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO GET
MARRIED?MAD DOGNEVER EAT ICE CREAM

CHAPTER XVII.
CHAPTER XVII.
HIS PA FIGHTS HORNETSTHE OLD MAN LOOKS BADTHE WOODS OF
WAUWATOSATHE OLD MAN TAKES A NAP"HELEN DAMNATION!""HELL IS OUT
FOR NOON."THE LIVER MEDICINEITS WONDERFUL EFFECTSTHE BAD BOY
IS DRUNKGIVE ME A LEMON!A SIGHT OF THE COMET!THE HIRED GIRL'S
RELIGION

CHAPTER XVIII.
CHAPTER XVIII.
HIS PA GOES HUNTINGMUTILATED JAWTHE OLD MAN HAS TAKEN TO SWEARING
AGAINOUT WEST, DUCK SHOOTING-HIS COAT TAIL SHOT OFFSHOOTS AT A
WILD GOOSETHE GUN KICKS!THROWS A CHAIR AT HIS SONTHE ASTONISHED
SHE-DEACON

CHAPTER XIX.
CHAPTER XIX.
HIS PA IS "NISHIATED"ARE YOU A MASON?NO HARM TO PLAY AT LODGEWHY
GOATS ARE KEPT IN STABLESTHE BAD BOY GETS THE GOAT UPSTAIRSTHE GRAND
DUMPER DEGREEKYAN PEPPER ON THE GOAT'S BEARD"BRING FORTH THE ROYAL
BUMPER"THE GOAT ON THE RAMPAGE

CHAPTER XX.
CHAPTER XX.
HIS GIRL GOES BACK ON HIM. THE GROCERY MAN IS AFRAIDBUT THE BAD BOY IS
A WRECK"MY GIRL, HAS SHOOK ME!"THE BAD BOY'S HEART IS BROKENSTILL
HE ENJOYS A BIT OF FUNCOD LIVER OIL ON THE PANCAKESTHE HIRED GIRLS
MADE VICTIMSTHE BAD BOY VOWS VENGEANCE ON HIS GIRL AND THE TELEGRAPH
MESSENGER

CHAPTER XXI.
CHAPTER XXI.
HE AND HIS PA IN CHICAGONOTHING LIKE TRAVELING TO GIVE TONELAUGHING
IN THE WRONG PLACEA DIABOLICAL PLOT-HIS PA ARRESTED AS A
KIDNAPPER-THE NUMBERS ON THE DOORS CHANGEDTHE WRONG ROOM"NOTHIN'
THE MAZZER WITH ME, PET!"THE TELL-TALE HAT

CHAPTER XXII.
CHAPTER XXII.
HIS PA IS DISCOURAGED"I AIN'T NO JONER!"THE STORY OF THE ANCIENT
PROPHETTHE SUNDAY SCHOOL FOLKS GO BACK ON THE BAD BOY:CAGED
CATSA COMMITTEE MEETINGA REMARKABLE CATASTROPHE!"THAT BOY BEATS
HELL!"BASTING THE BAD BOYTHE HOT WATER IN THE SPONGE TRICK

CHAPTER XXIII.
CHAPTER XXIII.
HE BECOMES A DRUGGIST"I HAVE GONE INTO BUSINESS!"-A NEW
ROSE-GERANIUM PERFUME-THE BAD BOY IN A DRUGGIST'S STOREPRACTICING
ON HIS PATHE EXPLOSIONTHE SEIDLETZ POWDERHIS PA'S FREQUENT
PAINSPOUNDING INDIA-RUBBERCURING A WART

CHAPTER XXIV.
CHAPTER XXIV. HE QUITS THE DRUG BUSINESS.
HE HAS DISSOLVED WITH THE DRUGGERTHE OLD LADY AND THE GINTHE BAD BOY
IGNOMINIOUSLY FIREDHOW HE DOSED HIS PA'S BRANDYTHE BAD BOY AS "HAWTY
AS A DOOK!"HE GETS EVEN WITH HIS GIRL-THE BAD BOY WANTS A QUIET
PLACETHE OLD MAN THREATENS THE PARSON

CHAPTER XXV.
CHAPTER XXV.
HIS PA KILLS HIMA GENIUS AT WHISTLINGA FUR-LINED CLOAK A CURE CURE
FOR CONSUMPTIONANOTHER LETTER SENT TO THE OLD MANHE RESOLVES ON
IMMEDIATE PUNISHMENTTHE BLADDER-BUFFERTHE EXPLOSIONA TRAGIC
SCENEHIS PA VOWS TO REFORM

CHAPTER XXVI.
CHAPTER XXVI.
HIS PA MORTIFIEDSEARCHING FOR SEWER GASTHE POWERFUL ODOR OF
LIMBURGER CHEESE AT CHURCHTHE AFTER MEETINGFUMIGATING THE HOUSETHE
BAD BOY RESOLVES TO BOARD AT AN HOTEL.

CHAPTER XXVII.
CHAPTER XXVII.
HIS PA BROKE UPTHE BAD BOY DON'T THINK THE GROCER FIT FOR HEAVENHE
IS VERY SEVERE ON HIS OLD FRIENDTHE NEED OF A NEW REVISED EDITIONTHE
BAD BOY TURNS REVISERHIS PA REACHES FOR THE POKERA SPECIAL
PROVIDENCETHE SLED SLEWED!HIS PA UNDER THE MULES

CHAPTER XXVIII.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
HIS PA GOES SKATINGTHE BAD BOY CARVES A TURKEYHIS PA'S FAME AS A
SKATERTHE OLD MAN ESSAYS TO SKATE ON ROLLERSHIS WILD CAPERSHE
SPREADS HIMSELF-HOLIDAYS A CONDEMNED NUISANCERTHE BAD BOY'S
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

CHAPTER XXIX.
CHAPTER XXIX.
HIS PA GOES CALLINGHIS PA STARTS FORTHA PICTURE OF THE OLD
MAN "FULL"POLITENESS AT A WINTER PICNICASSAULTED BY
SANDBAGGERSRESOLVED TO DRINK NO MORE COFFEEA GIRL FULL OF "AIG NOGG"

CHAPTER XXX.
CHAPTER XXX.
HIS PA DISSECTEDTHE MISERIES OF THE MUMPSNO PICKLES, THANK
YOUONE MORE EFFORT To REFORM THE OLD MANTHE BAD BOY PLAYS MEDICAL
STUDENTPROCEEDS TO DISSECT HIS PA"GENTLEMEN, I AM NOT DEAD!"SAVED
FROM THE SCALPEL"NO MORE WHISKY FOR YOU."

CHAPTER XXXI.