Chapter III: Act III

_The scene is the same as Act I. It is about twelve o’clock in the morning. One night has elapsed since Act II._

[_When the curtain rises the studio is empty. There is the sound
of the front-door bell ringing with some violence. BERRY enters,
R., and crosses over L. He exits and reappears in a moment,
ushering in EVELYN. EVELYN is looking extremely white and
strained._]

BERRY

Can I offer you anything to drink, sir?

EVELYN

No, thanks.

BERRY

The master’s sure to be in soon, sir.

EVELYN

All right, thanks.

BERRY

He’s only taking a walk in the Park.

EVELYN

I think I will have a drink, after all.

BERRY

Very good, sir. Whisky and soda?

EVELYN

Yes, please.

[_BERRY goes out. EVELYN proceeds to pace up and down the room a
little. BERRY returns with a whisky and soda._]

EVELYN

Oh, thanks.

[_He takes it._]

BERRY

Would you like the papers, sir, or have you seen them already?

EVELYN

I’ve seen them, thanks.

BERRY

Shall I tell Mrs. Churt that you are here, sir?

EVELYN

No—no. Please don’t disturb her.

BERRY

Very good, sir.

[_He goes out again. EVELYN once more proceeds to pace up and down with
the whisky and soda in his hand. He is obviously extremely agitated.
After a moment CAROL enters from R. She looks fresh and charming. She
gives a slight start on seeing EVELYN._]

CAROL

Evie!

EVELYN

[_Jumping—he turns_]

I’ve come to see Edward.

CAROL

What’s the matter?

EVELYN

I’ve come to see Edward.

CAROL

[_With faint apprehension_]

I know—you just said so. Aren’t you going to say good morning?

EVELYN

Good morning.

CAROL

[_Going over to him_]

No more than that?

EVELYN

No—no more.

[_He turns away._]

CAROL

[_Biting her lip_]

I see.

EVELYN

I want to see him alone.

CAROL

[_Putting her hand on his arm_]

Evie, what’s wrong?

EVELYN

You can seriously ask me that?

CAROL

Why are you behaving like this?

EVELYN

[_Turning away_]

You’re hopeless.

CAROL

You’re not going to do anything foolish, are you?

EVELYN

I’m going to do the only thing possible.

CAROL

[_Swinging him round_]

Evie!

EVELYN

Leave me alone.

CAROL

But listen—

EVELYN

[_Wrenching himself free from her_]

Don’t touch me, please.

CAROL

[_Pleading_]

Evie—please—why are you being so horrid?

EVELYN

I don’t want to look at you—or see you again ever!

CAROL

Why—why—what have I done?

EVELYN

[_Sinking into a chair with his face in his hands_]

Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

CAROL

You don’t love me at all, then?

EVELYN

For God’s sake stop!

CAROL

You don’t—you don’t—

EVELYN

Shut up! Shut up!

CAROL

You coward!

[_She goes over to the window._]

EVELYN

Please go away. You’ll only make everything much worse.

CAROL

Why have you come here this morning?

EVELYN

To tell Edward about last night.

CAROL

What will you tell him?

EVELYN

The truth.

CAROL

You’re insane.

EVELYN

I was—but I’m not any more.

CAROL

[_Coming quickly back to him_]

You can’t mean this.

EVELYN

I do mean it.

CAROL

But why! Why!! Why!!!

EVELYN

I don’t expect you to understand.

CAROL

Evie, listen. Be sensible for a moment.

EVELYN

It’s no use going on like that. I’ve made up my mind.

CAROL

Evie—

EVELYN

[_Rising_]

Go away! Go away!

CAROL

[_Following him_]

I love you.

EVELYN

Be quiet.

CAROL

I love you—I love you. Tell what you like—shout it from the housetops. I love you!

EVELYN

[_Catching hold of her_]

Shut up—you must. Some one will hear.

CAROL

I don’t care.

EVELYN

You don’t love me—you never did for a moment—it was all a trick.

CAROL

[_Outraged_]

Evie!

EVELYN

I can see it all now—I can see it all.

CAROL

You’re talking nonsense.

EVELYN

For God’s sake go away from me.

CAROL

[_Helplessly_]

I don’t know what to do.

EVELYN

Leave me alone. I’ve got to tell Edward the truth.

CAROL

In Heaven’s name, why?

EVELYN

Can’t you see why?

CAROL

No. What good will it do?

EVELYN

I’ve betrayed him.

CAROL

That’s no reason for you to betray me as well.

EVELYN

He trusted me—completely.

CAROL

Well, why not let him go on trusting you?

EVELYN

Because I’m unworthy of it forever.

CAROL

And what about me?

EVELYN

It was your fault.

CAROL

How chivalrous.

EVELYN

You lied to me.

CAROL

[_Firmly_]

I did _not_ lie to you.

EVELYN

You said you came last night because you loved me.

CAROL

So I did!

EVELYN

You came out of curiosity and stayed out of revenge.

CAROL

What a fool you are!

EVELYN

You determined to get even with me.

CAROL

Evie!

EVELYN

It’s true—it’s true—you know it is.

CAROL

Why have you built up this ridiculous story in your mind?

EVELYN

It’s true.

CAROL

[_With great firmness_]

It’s nothing of the sort, and if you calm yourself and think seriously for a moment, you’ll realize the complete absurdity of it. You must be sensible. Do you hear—you _must_ be sensible. You’re on the verge of wrecking everything out of sheer hysteria.

EVELYN

Everything is wrecked already. I’ve got nothing left—no honor, no decency—

CAROL

[_Quietly_]

I gave myself to you last night, Evie—

EVELYN

Don’t—don’t—

CAROL

I gave myself to you completely and for one reason only—I loved you. I love you now.

EVELYN

Carol, please—

CAROL

If you tell Edward—I shall go away and never see either of you again.

EVELYN

I can’t help it. I—

CAROL

You _can_ help it. What you’re contemplating is utterly without reason. If you’re trying to vindicate your honor, you can’t seriously achieve it by betraying mine. We’ve both behaved abominably, I admit. We’ve both been weak and uncontrolled and given way completely and we shall suffer for it accordingly, you needn’t doubt that for a minute. We’re in a terrible mess, but we’re in it together and together we must remain—

EVELYN

I shall never be able to look Edward in the face again.

CAROL

Will you be able to face him any better after you’ve told him?

EVELYN

Yes.

CAROL

Why?

EVELYN

Because I shall have done the only decent thing left to me.

CAROL

You’ll only succeed in making him suffer as well as yourself and me. Can’t you see the uselessness of it?

EVELYN

I can’t see him and talk to him with this shame between us.

CAROL

You must—so must I. It’s the just penalty for what we’ve done. You said just now you never wanted to see me again. Well, I promise you you never shall—alone. You at least can go away. I can’t—I’ve got to stay and get through the next few months as best I can—

[_There comes a ring at the front-door bell._]

EVELYN

[_Pacing the room_]

O God! what am I to do?

CAROL

[_Quickly_]

Nothing—nothing yet, anyhow. Think sensibly and quietly—everything depends on your keeping calm—

[_BERRY enters and crosses over L. and exits._]

EVELYN

Is that Edward?

CAROL

Yes, I expect so. He’s always forgetting his key.

EVELYN

[_Terribly undecided_]

Carol, I—

CAROL

Promise you’ll do nothing yet.

EVELYN

I can’t—I—

CAROL

[_Whispering violently_]

Promise me—wait a little—promise me. Will you promise me?

EVELYN

[_Helplessly_]

Yes.

[_BERRY re-enters._]

BERRY

[_Announcing_]

Mrs. St. Merryn.

[_ZOE enters briskly._]

ZOE

Good morning, Carol. I haven’t seen you for months. How are you?

CAROL

[_As they kiss_]

Splendid. I heard you were back.

ZOE

Hallo, Evie!

EVELYN

[_Coldly_]

Good morning.

ZOE

I gather that Edward is expected?

CAROL

Yes, he’ll be back at any minute.

EVELYN

Good-by.

[_He goes out abruptly._]

ZOE

[_Surprised_]

That was one of the most sudden exits I’ve ever seen.

CAROL

[_Carelessly_]

I think Evie’s upset about something.

ZOE

I didn’t think he was capable of it.

CAROL

[_Conventionally_]

Are you glad to be back?

ZOE

Delighted. London’s looking so pretty with all the roads up.

CAROL

[_Absently_]

Are they? I hadn’t noticed.

ZOE

I don’t see how you could fail to unless you travel exclusively in the underground.

CAROL

Where are you staying?

ZOE

Claridge’s.

CAROL

Oh!

ZOE

It’s so beautifully austere.

CAROL

What?

ZOE

[_Patiently_]

I said it was so beautifully austere.

CAROL

Oh yes, it is.

ZOE

You’re looking awfully well.

CAROL

I am, frightfully well.

ZOE

Don’t you think I’m looking frightfully well?

CAROL

Yes, you certainly are. Traveling obviously agrees with you.

ZOE

It’s so comforting to know that we both look so awfully well. Can I have a cigarette?

CAROL

Yes, of course. I’m so sorry. Here—

[_She hands her a box open._]

ZOE

Thank you, dear. There aren’t any in this box, but it doesn’t matter.

CAROL

How annoying! Wait a minute. [_She takes another box off a table, left._] Here—

ZOE

[_Taking one_]

You seem a little distrait this morning, if I may say so.

CAROL

I’ve got rather a headache.

ZOE

I’m so sorry. You don’t look very well.

CAROL

I think, if you’ll forgive me, I’ll go and take some aspirin.

ZOE

Of course. I should lie down until lunch if I were you.

CAROL

Perhaps I will. Edward’s certain to be in soon.

ZOE

I’ll be perfectly happy waiting.

CAROL

You must come and dine one night.

ZOE

I’d adore to.

CAROL

Good-by for the present, dear.

[_She kisses her._]

ZOE

Good-by. I’m sorry you’re so seedy. I’m afraid you’ve been overdoing it lately.

CAROL

[_Irritatedly_]

Overdoing what?

ZOE

[_Vaguely_]

Oh, everything.

CAROL

No, I haven’t.

ZOE

I’m so glad.

[_CAROL goes out. ZOE wanders round the room, smiling to herself,
examining various portraits, etc. After a moment EDWARD enters._]

EDWARD

Zoe! How long have you been here?

ZOE

Only a few minutes.

EDWARD

I’ve been out in the Park.

ZOE

I didn’t know it was still there.

EDWARD

I’m afraid you’re finding the old town sadly changed.

ZOE

I’m sure it’s much more hygienic now.

EDWARD

Have you seen Carol?

ZOE

Yes. She’s just gone to bed.

EDWARD

Gone to bed?

ZOE

She said she had a headache.

EDWARD

How do you think she’s looking?

ZOE

[_Laughing_]

Awfully well.

EDWARD

What are you laughing at?

ZOE

Carol always makes me laugh.

EDWARD

Why?

ZOE

She’s so consistent.

EDWARD

Are you lunching with me?

ZOE

If you like. I’ve got to go to Sloane Street first and look at Mary Phillip’s house. She wants to let it to me.

EDWARD

Pick me up here on the way back.

ZOE

I really came to ask you to dine to-night and go to a play.

EDWARD

I’d love to. What do you want to see?

ZOE

A nice clean play, please, Edward.

EDWARD

Splendid. We shan’t have any trouble getting seats.

ZOE

I’m so old-fashioned—I like love stories without the slightest suggestion of sex.

EDWARD

You ought to be a critic.

ZOE

You’re an awfully nice person to come back to!

EDWARD

[_Smiling_]

Am I?

ZOE

Yes. One picks up the threads exactly where they were dropped.

EDWARD

They were never dropped.

ZOE

Carol’s an awful fool.

EDWARD

Why?

ZOE

She could hold you if she wanted to.

EDWARD

Don’t be tiresome, Zoe.

ZOE

What are you going to do about it?

EDWARD

About what?

ZOE

Do you really want me to be explicit?

EDWARD

No. I know perfectly well what you mean.

ZOE

You’re wasting time.

EDWARD

Not at all. I’m working hard.

ZOE

You said that yesterday and it was no more convincing then than it is now.

EDWARD

It’s true.

ZOE

Perhaps, but rather beside the point.

EDWARD

What is the point?

ZOE

Your happiness.

EDWARD

What beautiful thoughts you have, Zoe.

ZOE

Don’t be flippant.

EDWARD

Flippancy alleviates my boredom with the whole subject.

ZOE

Are you sure you’re not confusing boredom with lack of moral courage?

EDWARD

Possibly.

ZOE

Well, don’t.

EDWARD

I refuse to be dominated, Zoe—even by you!

ZOE

[_Smiling_]

That’s right, dear.

EDWARD

And don’t laugh at me.

ZOE

I always have. I fail to see why I should stop now.

EDWARD

I resent it bitterly.

ZOE

Dear Edward.

EDWARD

What do you expect me to do?

ZOE

Deliver an ultimatum.

EDWARD

That would be stepping out of my character.

ZOE

Nonsense!

EDWARD

I am essentially a weak-minded man.

ZOE

Nothing of the sort—you’re a lazy idealist.

EDWARD

That sounds delightful.

ZOE

So it is in theory; in practice it’s sterility personified.

EDWARD

You’re terribly didactic.

ZOE

I’m trying to rouse you.

EDWARD

Why?

ZOE

Because you’re discontented and unhappy.

EDWARD

I never said so.

ZOE

You don’t need to—it’s written all over you.

EDWARD

You think I’d be happier if I bashed about making scenes and delivering ultimatums?

ZOE

Certainly—you at least might achieve something.

EDWARD

What, for instance?

ZOE

Freedom!

EDWARD

That’s a myth.

ZOE

Oh no, it isn’t.

EDWARD

In this case it’s impossible.

ZOE

Why?

EDWARD

[_Turning away_]

Oh, don’t let’s discuss it any more.

ZOE

You _are_ annoying, Edward.

EDWARD

Evie went on like that for hours yesterday.

ZOE

Evie?

EDWARD

Yes. He seemed to advocate violence as being the best method.

ZOE

He would.

EDWARD

He even offered to teach Carol a lesson.

ZOE

What sort of lesson?

EDWARD

He didn’t explain.

ZOE

Poor Evie.

EDWARD

You needn’t despise him so utterly. He’s a good sort.

ZOE

He’s the quintessence of masculine complacency.

EDWARD

I’m sure it’s a great comfort to him. I wish I was.

ZOE

Evie will get into trouble one of these days. He’s too worldly.

EDWARD

If I were free, Zoe, would you marry me?

ZOE

Edward!

EDWARD

I suddenly thought of it.

ZOE

[_Laughing_]

This is terribly sudden.

EDWARD

Don’t be silly.

ZOE

You must give me time to think.

EDWARD

Do shut up and be serious.

ZOE

I have a vague feeling that your proposal is a little previous.

EDWARD

It wasn’t a proposal—just an idea.

ZOE

Not exactly an original one. We discussed it all ages ago.

EDWARD

And whose fault was it that it never came off?

ZOE

[_Promptly_]

Yours.

EDWARD

Zoe, how can you? It was entirely yours.

ZOE

Nonsense! I was dead set on it.

EDWARD

You refused me and rushed off to Africa.

ZOE

You can’t call Algiers Africa.

EDWARD

It is, all the same.

ZOE

If you’d loved me enough, you’d have followed me.

EDWARD

I was waiting for you to come back.

ZOE

Let’s stop talking about it—it’s rather painful.

EDWARD

We weren’t in love, really, anyhow.

ZOE

Weren’t we?

EDWARD

I don’t know.

ZOE

It’s all very difficult.

EDWARD

Yes.

ZOE

I think I shall go away again soon.

EDWARD

Oh, Zoe, please don’t!

ZOE

It’s going to be awkward if I stay.

EDWARD

No, it isn’t.

ZOE

We’re both on rather dangerous ground.

EDWARD

I don’t see why.

ZOE

Yes, you do, perfectly.

EDWARD

I do not.

ZOE

If I stay, we shall probably fall in love properly—we’re both at a perilous age.

EDWARD

What if we do?

ZOE

It would be too horrible, with all this Carol business going on and everything.

EDWARD

You’re crossing your bridges before you come to them.

ZOE

I shall go, all the same.

EDWARD

That is rank cowardice.

ZOE

No, it isn’t; it’s sound sense.

EDWARD

It will be beastly for me.

ZOE

Not so beastly as if I stayed, really—in the long run.

EDWARD

What could happen?

ZOE

Oh, the usual thing, I suppose—we should have an affair and spoil everything.

EDWARD

I don’t see why.

ZOE

You’re being very obstinate this morning.

EDWARD

If I were in love with you at all, it would be in a very nice, restrained way.

ZOE

We should both tire of that very quickly.

EDWARD

Zoe, how can you be so unpleasant?

ZOE

I’m only facing facts.

EDWARD

We’ve been together a good deal in the past.

ZOE

I know.

EDWARD

And everything was above reproach.

ZOE

Entirely.

EDWARD

Well, why can’t we go on like that?

ZOE

Because even if we do, people will say we don’t.

EDWARD

What does that matter?

ZOE

It matters a lot. I’ve had enough squalor in the past few years to last me for life.

EDWARD

Yes, but I don’t see—

ZOE

Also I have a strange aversion to coming between man and wife.

EDWARD

Oh, shut up, Zoe.

ZOE

It’s true. I suffer from a pre-war conscience.

EDWARD

There’s no question of that, really.

ZOE

Don’t be silly. Of course there is.

EDWARD

Carol wouldn’t care.

ZOE

What difference does that make? Really, Edward, you’re being horribly flaccid over the whole thing!

EDWARD

Don’t let’s argue about it.

ZOE

All right.

EDWARD

But please don’t go away again—just yet.

ZOE

I’ll think it over, Edward.

EDWARD

You’ve depressed me terribly.

ZOE

I’m sorry.

EDWARD

It’s all such a hopeless muddle.

ZOE

It needn’t be.

EDWARD

I’d no idea you were so designing.

ZOE

What a horrid thing to say!

EDWARD

It’s true though, isn’t it?

ZOE

Absolutely.

EDWARD

Oh, Zoe—

ZOE

I must go.

EDWARD

Remember lunch.

ZOE

I’ll pick you up here.

EDWARD

No, don’t—I’ll meet you.

ZOE

Where?

EDWARD

Berkeley—one o’clock.

ZOE

I’m sure to be late.

EDWARD

So am I.

ZOE

Good-by, dear.

[_She goes up to him and kisses him lightly._]

EDWARD

Zoe!

ZOE

That was part of the design!

[_She goes out. EDWARD walks up and down irritably for a moment, then
lights a cigarette and flings himself into an armchair. The telephone
rings. He gives an exclamation of annoyance and rises to answer it._]

EDWARD

[_At telephone_]

Hallo!... Yes—yes.... Who is it speaking?... No, I’m afraid you can’t. She isn’t very well—

[_CAROL enters in time to catch the last sentence._]

CAROL

Who is it?

EDWARD

Oh.... Hold on, please.... Harry Challoner.

[_He hands her the telephone curtly and goes over to the window._]

CAROL

[_At telephone_]

Hallo!... Yes, it’s me.... No—no, I can’t. I’m sorry.... All right, if you like.... I’ll be in between six and seven.... Yes.... Good-by.

[_She hangs up the receiver and looks toward EDWARD who has his back
turned. She is about to go out again, when he turns._]

EDWARD

Carol.

CAROL

Yes?

EDWARD

I want to talk to you.

CAROL

Is anything the matter?

EDWARD

Yes. Sit down, will you?

CAROL

[_Sitting_]

If you like.

EDWARD

I want to get things settled.

CAROL

Get things settled?

EDWARD

Yes.

CAROL

What sort of things?

EDWARD

Our exact relationship.

CAROL

What _do_ you mean?

EDWARD

Just that.

CAROL

I don’t understand.

EDWARD

I think you do.

CAROL

[_By now extremely apprehensive_]

I don’t Edward, honestly.

EDWARD

Do you intend to pursue your present course indefinitely?

CAROL

What are you talking about?

EDWARD

Infidelity.

CAROL

Are you insinuating that I—

EDWARD

I’m insinuating nothing. I’m stating that you have been unfaithful to me.

CAROL

[_Rising_]

Edward!

EDWARD

[_Firmly_]

Sit down. This is not a scene—it’s a process of readjustment. Please let us keep it as brief as possible.

CAROL

[_Sinking down_]

How can you be so horrible!

EDWARD

Do you deny it?

CAROL

Of course I do.

EDWARD

Carol, let me disillusion you. I’m not bluffing. I _know_. I’ve known for ages. It’s no use wasting time denying and arguing. We must decide what’s to be done about it.

CAROL

How can you be so foul!

EDWARD

[_Wearily_]

Oh, Carol, do stop acting.

CAROL

You’re insufferable.

EDWARD

Once and for all will you be sensible?

CAROL

I hate you.

EDWARD

That would be beautifully definite if you weren’t so unreliable.

CAROL

Do you want me to hate you?

EDWARD

To be honest with you, I really don’t mind.

CAROL

[_Outraged_]

Edward!

EDWARD

Don’t be a fool, Carol.

CAROL

How dare you! How dare you!

EDWARD

We will face facts, please.

CAROL

[_Rising_]

I’m not going to stay here and be insulted.

EDWARD

You’re not being insulted—it’s I who have been insulted. You’ve been publicly underrating my intelligence for months.

CAROL

That’s what’s upsetting you, is it?

EDWARD

Certainly it is. I wish you’d sit down.

CAROL

I’m going to my room.

EDWARD

You’re only temporarily evading the issues by doing that.

CAROL

What’s the object of all this?

EDWARD

The object, as I said before, is to get our relationship satisfactorily defined.

CAROL

[_With grandeur_]

It’s satisfactorily defined now as far as I am concerned.

EDWARD

I would prefer the satisfaction to be mutual.

CAROL

You think you’re very clever, don’t you?

EDWARD

What a common remark! You’ll be sticking your tongue out at me in a minute.

CAROL

I suppose Zoe has been putting you up to this.

EDWARD

Meaning that I have no initiative of my own anyhow?

CAROL

Exactly.

EDWARD

That’s charming of you—and fits in beautifully with your behavior during the last year.

CAROL

Are you in love with me still?

EDWARD

Do you expect me to be?

CAROL

Are you?

EDWARD

No, Carol.

CAROL

I see.

EDWARD

All of which is beside the point.

CAROL

No, it isn’t. If you loved me you’d never say such things to me.

EDWARD

I admit that it would be more comfortable for you if I just suffered and suffered in silence.

CAROL

You’re too unemotional to be capable of any suffering.

EDWARD

Do you imagine you’re putting up a good defense for yourself?

CAROL

I’m not attempting to.

EDWARD

That brings us to my ultimatum.

CAROL

[_With a forced laugh_]

Ultimatum! Really Edward!

EDWARD

You’ve been unfaithful to me three times during the past year—Maurice Verney, Geoffrey Poole, and now Harry Challoner!

CAROL

[_Blanching slightly_]

Edward!

EDWARD

All three married men, which adds considerably to the general sordidness of the whole business.

CAROL

[_Losing control_]

I will _not_ be spoken to like this!

EDWARD

[_With sudden force_]

Be quiet! Do you still deny it?

CAROL

[_More dimly_]

No.

EDWARD

That’s better.

CAROL

[_Sullenly_]

I’m sorry.

EDWARD

That’s too sudden to be convincing.

CAROL

[_Breaking up slightly; after a long pause_]

What are you going to do?

EDWARD

Wait until next time.

CAROL

Next time?

EDWARD

Yes.

CAROL

And what then?

EDWARD

I shall divorce you.

CAROL

Edward!

EDWARD

I mean it. Whether the man happens to be married or single will not make the slightest difference.

CAROL

[_Looking down_]

I see.

EDWARD

Is that quite clear?

CAROL

Quite.

EDWARD

Incidentally, I wish you to give up Harry Challoner entirely. I object to you even being seen with such a second-rate bounder.

CAROL

[_Looking at him_]

Very well.

EDWARD

We’ll both do our best to forget the whole thing. We can get along perfectly well together with a little effort.

CAROL

There’s no more, is there?

EDWARD

No, that’s all.

[_CAROL goes slowly toward the door in silence. Her expression is very
thoughtful. When she reaches the door she turns._]

CAROL

[_In a different voice_]

Edward.

EDWARD

Yes?

CAROL

Please forgive me.

EDWARD

Forgiveness in this case is surely rather unimportant.

CAROL

Oh, please, please—

[_She bursts into tears and goes toward him_]

EDWARD

Now then, Carol—

CAROL

[_Standing in front of him weeping_]

You must forgive me—you must!

EDWARD

All right.

CAROL

I didn’t love any of them—I swear I didn’t.

EDWARD

[_Turning away irritably_]

Oh, Carol—

CAROL

You’ve been utterly indifferent to me for ages.

EDWARD

Naturally.

CAROL

No, but before—I mean before—last year you stopped loving me.

EDWARD

Please don’t go on like this.

CAROL

It’s true—it’s true. I was lonely.

EDWARD

Don’t talk such utter nonsense.

CAROL

[_Working herself up_]

It isn’t nonsense—it’s you I love really all the time. I hate Harry Challoner, really. I’ve been trying to break with him for ages. I made a vow weeks ago that I’d never be unfaithful to you again—honestly I did, I swear it. I’m sick of everybody. I wanted to ask you to take me away abroad somewhere, but I didn’t dare—you had so much work to do—and you were so cold and horrid. Edward—Edward—you’ve got to love me again—you must. I shall go mad if you don’t. Please—Edward darling.

[_She flings herself into his arms._]

EDWARD

[_Gently disentangling himself_]

There now—it’s all right. Do stop.

[_He kisses her dutifully_]

CAROL

I feel so bitterly ashamed.

EDWARD

Stop crying.

CAROL

I swear I’ll be good. I swear I will.

EDWARD

That’s right. Now control yourself.

CAROL

I’ll never see Harry again.

EDWARD

Very well. For Heaven’s sake stop crying.

CAROL

I do love you really, you know. That’s what makes it so awful.

EDWARD

Pull yourself together.

CAROL

[_Dabbing her eyes_]

I’ll try.

EDWARD

Go and lie down and take something.

CAROL

What shall I take?

EDWARD

Aspirin, I should think.

CAROL

I had some just now.

EDWARD

Have some more.

CAROL

All right. Oh, God!

[_She goes out slowly, still half sobbing. EDWARD heaves a sigh of
mingled relief and irritation, he again flings himself into an
armchair. Then comes the sound of the front-door bell. He groans.
BERRY enters from R._]

EDWARD

Whoever it is, Berry, I’m out.

BERRY

Very good, sir. [_He goes out L. After a moment he re-enters._] I’m very sorry, sir; it’s Major Bathurst. The porter downstairs told him you’d just come in; he’s called already this morning.

EDWARD

Nobody told me. You’d better show him in.

BERRY

Yes, sir. [_He goes out and returns, announcing_] Major Bathurst.

[_EVELYN comes in. He looks more harassed than ever. BERRY goes out._]

EDWARD

Hallo, Evie!

EVELYN

[_Haltingly_]

Edward—I—I’ve come to say good-by.

EDWARD

[_Surprised_]

Good-by!

EVELYN

Yes. I came earlier this morning, but you were out.

EDWARD

But where on earth are you going?

EVELYN

Australia.

EDWARD

Why Australia?

EVELYN

[_Weakly_]

I’ve always wanted to go to Australia.

EDWARD

What _do_ you mean?

EVELYN

I mean I’ve got to go there on business.

EDWARD

It’s very sudden, isn’t it?

EVELYN

Yes. I had a wire from my brother.

EDWARD

I didn’t know he was in Australia.

EVELYN

He isn’t. He’s in Cheltenham, but he sent me a wire saying I ought to go out there at once.

EDWARD

What’s the matter with you, Evie?

EVELYN

Nothing.

EDWARD

You’re not only telling me extremely fatuous lies, but you look like death.

EVELYN

They’re not lies. I—

EDWARD

Don’t he an ass. Have a drink.

EVELYN

No—I don’t want a drink.

EDWARD

What’s wrong?

EVELYN

There’s nothing wrong.

EDWARD

You’d better tell me, you know.

EVELYN

I want to tell you.

EDWARD

Come on, then.

EVELYN

I’ve got to tell you.

EDWARD

Out with it.

EVELYN

But I can’t.

EDWARD

Surely that’s rather silly.

EVELYN

I tried to shoot myself this morning.

EDWARD

You what!!!

EVELYN

Tried to shoot myself.

EDWARD

[_Alarmed_]

In God’s name, why?

EVELYN

[_Brokenly_]

Oh, Edward!

EDWARD

Evie, what _has_ happened?

EVELYN

I’m the filthiest cad in the world.

EDWARD

Don’t be ridiculous.

EVELYN

Our friendship is over forever.

EDWARD

[_With irritation_]

Do stop all this melodrama, Evie, and tell me what’s the matter.

EVELYN

I’ve betrayed you, utterly.

EDWARD

[_In great astonishment_]

Betrayed _me_?

EVELYN

[_Looking down_]

Yes.

EDWARD

How?

EVELYN

[_Brokenly_]

Carol!

EDWARD

Carol! Well, what about her?

EVELYN

Carol dined with me last night.

EDWARD

Oh, did she?

EVELYN

And—and—O my God!

[_He sinks into a chair by the table and leans his head on his arms._]

EDWARD

[_In amazement_]

You don’t seriously mean to tell me—

EVELYN

[_In muffled tones_]

Yes.

EDWARD

You and Carol!

EVELYN

Yes.

EDWARD

This is too much!

[_He bursts out laughing._]

EVELYN

[_Looking up astounded_]

Edward!

EDWARD

I can’t bear it.

[_He laughs louder._]

EVELYN

[_Rising_]

Edward—old man—please—

EDWARD

[_Helplessly_]

It’s unbelievable—incredible. Oh dear!

[_He collapses on the window seat._]

EVELYN

[_Approaching him_]

Edward—for God’s sake—

EDWARD

[_Weakly_]

Don’t come near me. I shall be all right in a minute.

EVELYN

[_With growing anger_]

You must be mad.

EDWARD

I certainly feel very strange.

[_He goes into fits of laughter again._]

EVELYN

[_Outraged_]

Edward—do you realize what I’ve just told you?

EDWARD

[_Trying to control himself_]

Yes—perfectly.

EVELYN

And you can laugh!

EDWARD

Will you hand me a cigarette, please?

EVELYN

[_Irately_]

Look here, Edward—

EDWARD

[_With sudden firmness_]

Will you hand me a cigarette, please.

EVELYN

Here.

[_He offers him his case._]

EDWARD

Thanks. [_He takes one._] Light.

EVELYN

Here.

[_He strikes a match._]

EDWARD

Thanks. I feel better now.

EVELYN

Well! What are you going to do about it?

EDWARD

Ring that bell, will you? By the door.

EVELYN

I can find my own way out.

EDWARD

[_Firmly_]

You’re not going yet. Ring the bell, please.

[_EVELYN looks at him and then goes and rings the bell._]

EVELYN

Look here, Edward, I came here this morning because I felt I owed it to our friendship to confess the truth to you—

EDWARD

You’re out of your depth, Evie—far, far out of your depth.

EVELYN

I don’t know what you mean.

EDWARD

This is reality, not fiction.

[_BERRY enters._]

BERRY

You rang, sir?

EDWARD

Will you ask your mistress to come down immediately, please, Berry? It’s very important.

BERRY

Yes, sir.

[_He goes out._]

EVELYN

[_Panic-stricken_]

Edward, this is not fair of you.

EDWARD

[_Unceremoniously_]

Shut up.

EVELYN

This is between us.

EDWARD

The three of us, Evie—what’s known, I believe, as the eternal triangle.

EVELYN

Let me tell you one thing—what happened was not deliberate.

EDWARD

You prefer to be thought a fool rather than a cad!

EVELYN

Yes, if you like to put it that way.

EDWARD

How typical!

EVELYN

I only asked Carol to dine, in the first place, for your sake.

EDWARD

For my sake?

EVELYN

Yes, I intended to teach her a lesson.

EDWARD

And she ended up by teaching you one.

EVELYN

[_Utterly shocked_]

Edward!

EDWARD

Men of your sort should stick to athletics and not attempt physiology.

EVELYN

I deserve that.

EDWARD

[_Agreeably_]

Fully.

[_CAROL enters from R. She starts visibly on seeing EVELYN._]

CAROL

What’s the matter?

EDWARD

Don’t look so surprised, Carol. It’s terribly irritating.

CAROL

I don’t understand.

EDWARD

I gather that you and Evie—

EVELYN

[_Wounded by such frankness_]

Edward!

CAROL

[_Looking at EVELYN_]

You cad!

EDWARD

It was very unpleasant of you, Carol—

CAROL

[_Appealingly_]

Edward, please—

EDWARD

I should like to know how it all happened.

EVELYN

I told you—I—

EDWARD

Carol will you explain, please?

CAROL

Certainly not.

EDWARD

Very well. You must allow me to reconstruct it for myself.

EVELYN

Surely this is unnecessary.

EDWARD

That is entirely for me to decide.

CAROL

You’re being unbelievably cheap.

EDWARD

[_Mildly_]

Really, Carol—keep a slight grip on your values.

EVELYN

Say what you like. I don’t care.

EDWARD

It wouldn’t make the slightest difference if you did.

EVELYN

Damned ungenerous.

EDWARD

Shut up and don’t be an ass. You and Carol have brought about this abominable situation. It’s up to you to keep quiet and let me straighten it out in my own way.

EVELYN

[_Turning away_]

Very well.

EDWARD

Thank you. Now then—Evie, you asked Carol to dine with you alone at your flat?

EVELYN

Yes.

EDWARD

Why?

EVELYN

I told you.

EDWARD

In order to teach her a lesson.

CAROL

Oh, this is insufferable.

EDWARD

You’re perfectly right, it is. I gather that the first part of the lesson, Evie, necessitated you making love to her. Am I right?

EVELYN

[_Impatiently_]

Oh yes—

EDWARD

And then what?

[_Turning_]

EVELYN

Look here, Edward, I’m damned if I’m going to listen to this any longer—

CAROL

Neither am I!

EDWARD

Tell me the truth, then, Carol. It will simplify matters considerably. Do you love Evie?

CAROL

No.

EDWARD

Then why, if it’s not an indelicate question, did you—

CAROL

[_Violently_]

Because he insulted me and tried to humiliate me and I determined to show him that he wasn’t as clever as he thought he was.

EDWARD

Admirable. You, Evie, had the ineffable conceit to pit your meager experience of the world against an extremely attractive and obviously unscrupulous woman. You then give in to her completely despite the fact that she is the wife of your friend; and not content with that, you turn on her afterward, work yourself up into a frenzy of false melodramatic values, rush round here and blurt it out to me doubtless under the delusion that by uncovering the whole shameful business you are vindicating your own honor! Oh, Evie, what a pitiful fool you are!

EVELYN

It’s no use blackguarding me any more, is it? What are you going to do about it?

EDWARD

I don’t quite know yet.

CAROL

There’s nothing to be done.

EDWARD

You’re too sure of yourself, Carol—you always have been.

EVELYN

I wish to God I had shot myself.

EDWARD

It’s a little late to think of that now.

EVELYN

You’re being unnecessarily cruel, Edward.

EDWARD

I’m afraid I’m a bitter disappointment to you both. You see emotionally I’m unmoved. The capacity for feeling very deeply over Carol died a long while ago.

EVELYN

I should have thought that for the sake of our friendship—

EDWARD

That’s sheer cant. You’ve considerably over-estimated our friendship for years. If you care to analyze it honestly you’ll discover that we both bore one another stiff and always have. We were at school together—in different forms—since when we’ve dined together on an average of once a month. We’ve confided our troubles superficially for the want of something to talk about. We’re poles apart mentally and physically; we’ve built up this so-called great friendship on a basis of false tradition, and the only reason I realized it first is because my brain functions quicker than yours—

EVELYN

[_Shattered_]

Edward!

EDWARD

And I should like to add—having naturally a more acute sense of sex psychology than you—that the reason you took such a fatal interest in Carol’s morals was not on my account at all, but because she’d snubbed you severely several times and you were probably very much attracted to her.

EVELYN

It’s not true. You’re disgusting.

EDWARD

Be that as it may, the solution to the whole thing is obvious.

EVELYN

What do you mean?

EDWARD

I’ll tell you. Carol, you must go away immediately.

CAROL

[_Horrified_]

Edward—

EVELYN

[_Stricken_]

But—I—I—

EDWARD

Wait a moment. Let me explain. Carol, you and I have no longer the slightest justification for living together. If you go away abroad somewhere I will make it perfectly easy for you to divorce me. If you don’t agree to this, I shall file a petition against you at once, naming Evie as corespondent. That’s the second ultimatum I’ve delivered this morning and I’m feeling extremely tired.

[_He sits down._]

CAROL

Edward, you can’t mean this—you can’t.

EDWARD

I do. I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything in my life.

CAROL

[_Bursting into tears of rage_]

I won’t stand it. I won’t!

EDWARD

You’re not being very polite to Evie.

EVELYN

You think you’re being damned clever.

EDWARD

That’s been hurled at me so often just lately that I’m honestly beginning to believe I am.

CAROL

You utter beast.

EDWARD

Well—what’s the decision?

CAROL

[_Wailing_]

I’ll never speak to you again—never—never—never.

EDWARD

[_Rising_]

Evie?

EVELYN

[_Gruffly_]

You’d better give us time to think.

EDWARD

What is the time now, anyhow?

EVELYN

[_Looking at his watch_]

Twenty past one.

EDWARD

My God! I knew I should be late. I’ll be at the Berkeley if you want me.

[_EDWARD goes out. EVELYN and CAROL look after him and then at each
other._]

[_CAROL after a pause walks over and sits next to EVIE._]

CAROL

Evie.

EVIE

What?

CAROL

[_Sweetly_]

There’s still time for you to shoot yourself!

CURTAIN