Chapter X: Part VII (3)

*He told me, he had often heard me say, that persons must _see_ and _feel_ themselves helpless and _undone_; that they must give up all hope of saving themselves by their _own doings_, in order to their coming to Christ for salvation. And he had long been striving after this; supposing this would be an excellent frame of mind: that God would have respect to _this_ frame, and bestow eternal life upon him.――――But when he came to feel himself in this helpless _undone_ condition, he found it quite contrary to all his thoughts: so that it was not the _same_, nor indeed any thing _like_ the frame he had been seeking after. Instead of its being a _good_ frame of mind, he now found nothing but _badness_ in himself, and saw it for ever impossible for him to make himself any better. He was amazed he had never _before_ seen that it was utterly impossible for him, by all his contrivances and endeavours, to do any thing _that way_.――――Instead of imagining that God would be pleased with him for the sake of this frame of mind, he saw clearly it would be just with God to send him to eternal misery; and that there was _no goodness_ in what he then felt; for he could not help seeing, that he was naked, sinful, and miserable, and there was nothing in such a sight to deserve God’s love or pity.

In _this_ frame of mind he came to public worship this evening, and while I was inviting sinners to come to Christ naked and empty, without _any_ goodness of _their own_ to recommend them to his acceptance; he thought, that he had often tried to come and give up his heart to Christ, and he used to hope, that some time or other he should be _able_ to do so. But now he was convinced _he could not_, and it seemed utterly vain for him ever to try _any more_: nor did he now hope for a better opportunity hereafter, as he had formerly done, because he saw, and was fully ♦convinced, his own strength would for ever fail.

♦ “conviced” replaced with “convinced”

*While he was musing in this manner, he saw, he said, with his heart (which is a common phrase among them) something that was unspeakably good and lovely, and what he had never seen before; and “this stole away his heart whether he would or no.” He did not, he said, know what it was he saw. He did not say, “this is Jesus Christ;” but it was such glory and beauty as he never saw before. He did not now give away his heart _so_ as he had formerly attempted to do, but it _went away of itself_ after that glory he then discovered. He used to try to make a bargain with Christ, to give up his heart to him, that he might have eternal life _for it_. But now he thought nothing about himself, but his mind was wholly taken up with the unspeakable excellency of what he then beheld.

After some time he was wonderfully pleased with the way of salvation by Christ: so that it seemed unspeakably better to be saved altogether by the _mere free grace_ of God in Christ, than to have _any hand_ in saving himself.――――And the consequence is, that he appears to retain a relish of divine things, and to maintain a life of true religion.

Lord’s-day, January 26. After public worship, I was in a sweet and solemn frame of mind, thankful to God that he had made me in some measure faithful in addressing precious souls, but grieved that I had been no more fervent in my work; and tenderly affected towards all the world, longing that every sinner might be saved; and could not have entertained any bitterness towards the worst enemy living. In the evening, I rode to Elisabeth-Town: while riding I was almost constantly engaged in lifting up my heart to God, lest I should lose that sweet heavenly solemnity and composure of soul I enjoyed. Afterwards I was pleased, to think, that God _reigneth_; and thought, I could never be uneasy with any of his dispensations; but must be entirely satisfied, whatever trials he should cause me or his church to encounter. I never felt more divine serenity and composure of mind: I could freely have left the dearest earthly friend, for the society of “angels, and spirits of just men made perfect:” my affections soared aloft to the blessed Author of every dear enjoyment: I viewed the emptiness and unsatisfactory nature of the most desireable earthly objects, any further than God is seen in them: and longed for a life of spirituality and inward purity; without which, I saw, there could be no true pleasure.

January 28. The Indians in these parts having in times past run themselves in debt by their excessive drinking; and some having taken the advantage of them, and arrested sundry of them; whereby it was supposed their hunting lands might speedily be taken from them: I being sensible that they could not subsist together in these parts, if these lands should drop out of their hands, thought it my duly to use my utmost endeavours to prevent it. And having acquainted the gentlemen concerned in this _mission_ with the affair, they thought it proper to expend the money they had been collecting for the _religious_ interests of the Indians, (at least a part of it,) for the discharging of their debts, and securing of these lands.――And having received orders from them, I answered, in behalf of the Indians, _Eighty-two pounds five shillings_, New-Jersey currency.

January 31. This day the person I had engaged for a _school-master_ among the Indians, arrived among us, and was heartily welcomed by my people.――――Whereupon I distributed several dozen of _primers_ among the children and young people.

February 1, 1745‒6. My school-master entered upon his business among the Indians.――He has generally about thirty children and young persons in his school in the day-time, and about _fifteen_ married people in his evening-school. The number of the latter sort of persons being less than it would be, if they could be more constant at home.

In the evening I catechised in my usual method. Towards the close of my discourse, a surprising power seemed to attend the word. One man considerably in years, who had been a remarkable drunkard, a conjurer and murderer, that was awakened some months before, was now brought to great extremity, so that he trembled for hours together, and apprehended himself just dropping into hell, without any power to rescue or relieve himself.――Divers others appeared under great concern as well as he, and solicitous to obtain a saving change.

[Monday, February 10. He set out on a journey to the Forks of Delaware, to visit the Indians there. He performed the journey under great weakness, and sometimes was exercised with much pain. He arrived at his own house at the Forks, on Friday.]

I baptized three persons, two adults, and one child. There was a considerable melting in the assembly, while I was administering the ordinance.

God has been pleased to own and bless the administration of _this_, as well as of his other _ordinances_, among the Indians. There are some here that have been powerfully awakened at seeing others baptized: And some have obtained relief and comfort, just when this ordinance has been administered.

Toward night I catechised, God made this a powerful season. There were many affected.――――Former convictions were powerfully revived. There was likewise one, who had been a vile drunkard, remarkably awakened. He appeared to be in great anguish of soul, wept and trembled, and continued so to do till near midnight.――――There was also a poor _heavy laden_ soul, who had been long under distress, that was now brought to a comfortable _calm_, and told me, “She now saw and felt it was right God should do with her as he pleased.” And added, that the _heavy burden_ she had lain under, was now removed: that she felt she never could do any thing to save herself, but must perish for ever if Christ did not _do all_ for her. But Christ could save her, though she could _do nothing_ to save herself.

Lord’s-day, February 16. Knowing that divers of the Indians in those parts were obstinately set against Christianity, I thought it proper to have some of my people from Crosweeksung with me, in order to converse with them; hoping it might convince them of the truth, to hear some of their own nation discoursing of divine things and manifesting earnest desires that others might be brought out of Heathenish darkness, as themselves were.

And having taken _half a dozen_ of the most knowing persons, I this day met with them and the Indians of this place, (sundry of whom could not have been prevailed upon to attend the meeting, had it not been for these Indians) and preached to them.――Some of them who had, in times past, been extremely averse to Christianity, now behaved soberly; the word of God fell with such weight, that several seemed to be stunned, and expressed a willingness to “hear me again of these matters.”

Those few Indians then present, who used to be my hearers in these parts, (some having removed from hence to Crosweeksung) seemed glad to see me again, although they had been so much attacked by some of the Pagans, that they were almost afraid to manifest their friendship.

In the evening I was in a composed frame of mind. It was exceeding refreshing to think, that God had been with me, affording me some good measure of assistance. I found freedom in prayer and thanksgiving to God: and found my soul sweetly enlarged in prayer. Blessed be the Lord, that ever I am enabled to do any thing for his kingdom. Blessed be God who enables me to be faithful, I enjoyed more resolution for God, and more refreshment of spirit, than I have been favoured with for many weeks past.

February 17. I discoursed from Acts viii. 5‒8. A divine influence seemed to attend the word. Sundry of the Indians here appeared to be somewhat awakened, and manifested a concern by their earnest attention, tears and sobs. My people from Crosweeksung continued with them day and night, inculcating the truths I had taught them: and sometimes prayed and sung psalms among them; discoursing with each other, in their hearing of the great things God had done for _them_, and for the Indians from whence they came; which seemed to take more effect upon them, than when they directed their discourses immediately to them.

February 18. I preached to an assembly of Irish people near fifteen miles distant from the Indians.

February 19. I preached to the Indians again, after having spent a considerable time in conversing with them privately. There appeared a great solemnity, and some concern and affection among the Indians belonging to these parts, as well as a sweet melting among those who came with me.――――Divers of the Indians here seemed to have their prejudices removed, and appeared well disposed to hear the word of God.

February 20. I preached to a small assembly of High-Dutch people, who had seldom heard the gospel preached, and were, (some of them at least) very ignorant; but have divers of them lately been put upon an inquiry after the way of salvation. They gave wonderful attention, and some of them were much affected, and afterwards said, (as I was informed) that they never had been so much enlightened about the way of salvation in their whole lives before. They requested me to tarry with them, or come again and preach to them. And it grieved me that I could not comply with their request, for I could not but be affected with their circumstances; they being as “sheep not having a shepherd.”

February 21. I preached to a number of people, many of them Low-Dutch, sundry of the High-Dutch attended, though _eight_ or _ten_ miles distant from their houses.――Divers of the Indians also belonging to these parts, came of their own accord with my people (from Crosweeksung) two in particular, who in the last Sabbath, opposed and ridiculed Christianity.

February 20. I preached to the Indians. They seemed more cordial to Christianity than before, and some appeared much affected.

My spirits were supported, though my bodily strength was much wasted. O that God would be gracious to the souls of these poor Indians!

God has been very gracious to me this week: he has enabled me to preach every day; and has given me some assistance, and encouraging prospect of success in almost every sermon. Blessed be his name. Divers of the white people have been awakened this week; sundry of the Indians much cured of prejudice against Christianity, and some seemed to be really awakened.

[The next day he left the Forks of Delaware, to return to Crosweeksung; and spent the whole week till Saturday, before he arrived there; but preached by the way every day, excepting one; and had much inward comfort, and earnest longings to fill up all his time with the service of God.]

Lord’s-day, March 2. Some of my people who went up to the Forks of Delaware with me, being now returned, were accompanied by two of the Indians belonging to the Forks, who had promised me a speedy visit. They can scarce go into a house now, but they will meet with Christian conversation, whereby they may be both instructed and awakened.

I know of no assembly of Christians, where there seems to be so much of the presence of God, where brotherly love so much prevails, as in my _own congregation_: although not more than nine months ago, they were worshipping _devils_ and _dumb idols_, under the power of Pagan darkness and superstition. Amazing change! Effected by nothing less than divine power and grace!

Their present situation is so compact and commodious, that they are quickly called together with only the sound of a Conk-shell, (a shell like that of a Perriwinkle) so that they have frequent opportunities of attending religious exercises publicly; which seems to be a great means, under God, of keeping alive their impressions of divine things.

*Thursday, March 6. I walked alone in the evening, and enjoyed comfort in prayer, beyond what I have of late enjoyed: my soul rejoiced in my _pilgrimage-state_. I was delighted with the thought of labouring and _enduring hardness_ for God: and confided in God that he “never would leave me nor forsake me,” to the end of my race. Oh, may I obtain mercy of God to be faithful, to my dying moment!

March 8. I catechised in the evening. My people answered the questions proposed to them well. I can perceive their knowledge in religion increases daily.――――And what is still more desirable, the divine influence among them, appears still to continue. The divine presence seemed to be in the assembly this evening. Some, who are Christians _indeed_, were melted with a sense of the divine goodness, and their own barrenness and ingratitude.――Convictions also appeared to revive in several; so it might justly be called “an evening of power.”

Lord’s day, March 9. I preached from Luke x. 38‒42. The word of God was attended with energy. Numbers were concerned to obtain the _one thing needful_. Several that have given good evidences of being truly converted, were much affected with a sense of their want of spirituality; and saw the need they stood in of _growing in grace_. And most that had had any impressions of divine things in times past, now felt those impressions revived.

In the afternoon, I proposed to have catechised in my usual method. But while we were engaged in the first prayer, in the Indian language, (as usual) a great part of the assembly was so much moved, that I thought it proper to omit the questions, and insist upon the most practical truths.

There appeared to be a powerful influence in the congregation. Those truly pious, were so deeply affected with a sense of their own _barrenness_, and their unworthy treatment of the blessed Redeemer, that they _looked on him as pierced_ by themselves, _and mourned_, yea, some of them were _in bitterness as for a first-born_.――Some poor awakened sinners also appeared to be in anguish of soul to obtain an interest in Christ. So that there was _a great mourning_ in the assembly: many heavy groans and tears! and one or two persons newly come among us, were considerably awakened.

After public worship many came to my house, where we sung and discoursed; and the presence of God seemed here also to be in the midst of us.

*While we were singing, there was one (the woman mentioned in my journal of February 9.) who, was “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” and could not but burst forth in prayer and praises to God before us all, with many tears, crying sometimes in English, and sometimes in Indian “O blessed Lord, do come, do come! O do take me away, do let me die and go to Jesus Christ! I am afraid if I live I shall sin again! O do let me die now! O dear Jesus, do come! I cannot stay, I cannot stay! O how can I live in this world! do take my soul away from this sinful place! O let me never sin any more!”――In this ecstasy she continued some time, uttering these and such like expressions incessantly.

*When she had a little recovered, I asked her, if Christ was now sweet to her soul? Whereupon, turning to me with tears in her eyes, she said, “I have many times heard you speak of the goodness and the sweetness of Christ, that he was better than all the world. But O! I knew nothing what you meant, I never believed you! I never believed you! But now I know it is true!”――I answered, And do you see enough in Christ for the greatest of sinners? She replied, “O! enough, enough! for all the sinners in the world, if they would but come.” And when I asked her, if the could not tell them of the goodness of Christ: turning herself about to some poor Christless souls who stood by, and were much affected, she said, “O! there is enough in Christ for you, if you would but come! O strive, strive to give up your hearts to him!”――And upon hearing something of the glory of heaven mentioned, she again fell into the same ecstasy, repeating her former expressions, “O dear Lord, do let me go! O what shall I do, what shall I do! I want to go to Christ! I cannot live! O do let me die!”

She continued in this sweet frame for more than two hours, before she was well able to get home.

I am sensible there may be great joys, where there is no evidence of their being well grounded. But in the present case there seemed to be no evidence wanting, in order to prove this joy to be divine, either in regard of its preparatives, attendants, or consequents.

Of all the persons I have seen, I scarce ever saw one more bowed under convictions of sin; and scarce any who seemed to have a greater acquaintance with her own heart than she had.

And as she was remarkably sensible of her stubbornness under conviction, so she was no less remarkably reconciled to divine grace, before she obtained relief. Since which she has constantly breathed the spirit of a new creature: crying after Christ, not through fear of _hell_ as before, but with strong desires after him as her only satisfying _portion_: and has many times wept bitterly, because she could not love him.――When I have asked her, Why she appeared so sorrowful, and whether it was because she was afraid of hell? She would answer, “No, I be not distressed about _that_; but my heart is so wicked I _cannot love_ Christ;” and thereupon burst out into tears.――But although this has been the habitual frame of her mind for several weeks, yet she never had any remarkable comfort till this evening.

The _attendants_ of this comfort, were such as abundantly discovered that it was truly “joy in the Holy Ghost.”――――_Now_ she viewed divine truths as _living realities_; and could say, “I know these things are so, I feel they are true!”――_Now_ her soul was resigned to the divine will in the most tender points; so that when I said to her, What if God should take away your husband, (who was sick,) how do you think you could bear that? She replied, “He belongs to God, and not to me; he may do with him just what he pleases.”――_Now_ she had the most tender sense of the evil of sin, and discovered the utmost aversion to it.――_Now_ she could freely trust her _all_ with God for time and eternity. And when I queried with her, how she could be willing to die, and leave her little infant: and what she thought would become of it in case she should? She answered, “God will take care of it. It belongs to him.”――_Now_ she appeared to have the most humbling sense of her own unworthiness and inability to preserve herself from sin, and to persevere in holiness. And I thought I had never seen such an appearance of _ecstasy_ and _humility_ meeting in any one person.

The consequents of this joy are no less desirable than its attendants. She since appears to be a most tender, broken-hearted, affectionate, devout, and humble Christian, as exemplary in life and conversation as any person in my congregation.

March 10. Toward night the Indians met together of their own accord, and sang, prayed, and discoursed of divine things. At this time there was much affection among them. Some appeared to be melted with divine things, and others seemed much concerned for their souls.

I baptized the _woman_ mentioned in my journal of last Lord’s-day; who appeared to be in a devout, and excellent frame of mind.

My house being thronged with people in the evening, I spent the time with them, till my nature was almost spent.――They are so unwearied in religious exercises, and unsatiable in their thirsting after _Christian knowledge_, that I can sometimes scarce avoid labouring so, as greatly to exhaust my strength.

March 19. Some of the persons that went with me to the Forks of Delaware, having been detained there by the dangerous illness of one of their company, returned home this day. Whereupon my people met together of their own accord, to give thanks to God for his preserving goodness to those who had been absent from them for several weeks, and recovering mercy to him that had been sick.

Lord’s-day, March 23. There being about fifteen _strangers_, adult persons, come among us in the _week_ past, divers of whom had never been in any religious meeting till now, I thought it proper to discourse this day in a manner suited to their circumstances, and accordingly attempted it from Hosea xiii. 9, opening in the plainest manner I could, man’s apostacy and ruined ♦state. After having spoken some things respecting the being and perfections of God, and his creation of man in a state of uprightness and happiness, in the ♠afternoon, I endeavoured to open the glorious provision God has made for the redemption of apostate creatures.

♦ “state, after” replaced with “state. After” per Errata

♠ “afternon” replaced with “afternoon”

Near sun-set I felt an uncommon concern upon my mind, especially for the poor _strangers_: I visited sundry houses, and discoursed with them severally, but without much appearance of success, till I came to a house where divers of the strangers were; and there the word took effect, first upon some children; then upon divers adult persons that had been somewhat awakened before, and afterwards upon several of the Pagan _strangers_.

I continued my discourse till almost every one in the house was melted into tears; and divers wept aloud, and appeared earnestly concerned to obtain an interest in Christ. Upon this, numbers soon gathered from all the houses round about and so thronged the place, that we were obliged to remove to the house where we meet for public worship. And the congregation gathering immediately and many appearing remarkably affected, I discoursed some time from Luke xix. 10, endeavouring to open the mercy of Christ for _lost_, _helpless_, and _undone_ sinners.

There was much concern in the assembly; and I doubt not but a divine influence accompanied what was spoken to the hearts of many. There were five or six of the _strangers_ (men and women) who appeared to be considerably awakened. And in particular one very rugged young man, who seemed as if nothing would move him, was now brought to tremble like the jailor, and weep for a long time.

The Pagans that were awakened seemed at once to put off their savage roughness, and became sociable and _humane_. When they first came, I exhorted my people to take pains with them (as they had done with other strangers from time to time) to instruct them in Christianity. But when some of them attempted it, the strangers would soon rise up and walk to other houses. Whereupon some of the serious persons agreed to disperse themselves into the several parts of the settlement. So that wherever the _strangers_ went, they met with warm addresses respecting their souls.――――But _now_ there was no need of using policy in order to get an opportunity of conversing: for they were so touched with a sense of their perishing state, as tamely to yield to the closest addresses, respecting their sin and misery, and their need of an acquaintance with the great Redeemer.

Monday, March 24. I numbered the Indians, to see how many souls God had gathered together here, since my coming; and found there was now about an _hundred and thirty_ persons, old and young. And sundry of those that are my stated hearers, perhaps _fifteen_ or _twenty_, were absent at this season. Whereas _few_ were together at my first coming into these parts, the whole number not amounting to _ten_ persons.

My people going out this day to clear some of their lands about fifteen miles distant, in order to their settling there together, where they might attend the public worship of God, have their children schooled, and at the same time have a conveniency for planting: I thought it proper to call them together and shew them the duty of labouring with faithfulness and industry; and that they must not now “be slothful in business,” as they had ever been in their Pagan state. And having given them directions for their work, and recommended them to God, I dismissed them to their business. In the evening I read and expounded the substance of the third chapter of the Acts. Numbers seemed to melt under the word.――――When I asked them afterwards, whether they did not now feel that their hearts were wicked? One replied, “Yes, she felt it now.” Although before she came here she had said, “Her heart was not wicked, and she never had done any thing that was bad in her life.” And this indeed seems to be the case with them, universally in the Pagan state. (And in the Christian too!)

They seem to have no _consciousness_ of sin and guilt, unless they can charge themselves with some _gross acts_ of sin.

Monday, March 24. After the Indians were gone to their work, I got alone and poured out my soul to God, that he would smile upon these feeble beginners, and that he would settle an Indian town, that might be a _mountain of holiness_; and found my soul much refreshed, and much enlarged for Zion’s interest, and for numbers of dear friends in particular. My sinking spirits were revived, and I felt animated in the service God has called me to. This was the dearest hour I have enjoyed for many days, if not weeks. I found an encouraging hope, that something would be done for God, and that God would use and help me in his work. And Oh how sweet were the thoughts of labouring for God, when I had any hope that ever I should succeed.

[The next day, his _school-master_ was taken sick with a pleurisy; and he spent great part of this week in tending him: which in his weak state was almost too much for him: he being obliged constantly to wait upon him, all day, from day to day, and to lie on the floor at night.]

March 29. In the evening I catechised as usual. Treating upon the “benefits which believers receive from Christ’s death.”――――The questions were answered with great readiness and propriety. And the people of God, were sweetly melted in general. There appeared such a liveliness and vigour in their attendance upon the word of God, and such eagerness to be made partakers of the _benefits_ then mentioned, that they seemed to be not only “looking for, but hastening to the coming of the day of God.” Divine truths seemed to distil upon the audience with a gentle, but melting efficacy, as the refreshing “showers upon the new mown grass.” The assembly in general, as well as those who appear truly religious, were affected with an account of the blessedness of the godly at death: and most then discovered an affectionate inclination to cry, “Let me die the death of the righteous.”

March 31. I called my people together again, and discoursed to them again on the necessity of their labouring industriously, in order to their living together, and enjoying the means of grace. And having used solemn prayer among them, I dismissed them to their work.

Numbers of them both (men and women) offered themselves willingly to this service; and some appeared affectionately concerned that God might go with them, and begin their _little town_ for them: that it might be a place comfortable for them and theirs, in regard both of procuring the necessaries of life, and attending the worship of God.

Wednesday, April 2. I was exercised with a spiritless frame of mind. Alas! My days pass away as the _chaff_! It is but little I do, or can do, that turns to any account; and it is my constant burden that I am so fruitless in the vineyard of the Lord. Oh that I were _spirit_, that I might be active for God. This more than any thing else, makes me long, that “this corruptible might put on incorruption, and this mortal put on immortality.” God deliver me from the clogs and fetters, and a body of _death_, that impede my service for him.

Saturday, April 5.――After public worship, a number of my dear Christian Indians came to my house; with whom I felt a sweet union of soul; my heart was knit to them; I have not felt such a sweet and fervent _love to the brethren_, for some time past: and I saw in them appearances of the same love. This gave me something of a view of the heavenly state; and particularly that part of the happiness of heaven, which consists in the _communion of saints_.

Lord’s-day, April 6. I preached from Matthew vii. 21‒23. There were considerable effects visible in the audience; an earnest attention, a great solemnity, many tears and sighs. Divers were put upon close examination of their spiritual slates, by hearing that “not every one that saith to Christ, Lord, Lord, shall enter into his kingdom.” And some of them expressed fears least they had deceived themselves, and taken up a false hope, because they had done so little of the “will of his Father who is in heaven.”

There was also one man brought under pressing concern for his soul; which appeared more especially after his retirement from public worship. And that which, he says, gave him the greatest uneasiness, was, not so much any particular sin, as that he had never done the will of God at _all_, and so had no claim to the kingdom of heaven.

In the afternoon I opened to them the _discipline_ of Christ in his church, and the method in which _offenders_ are to be dealt with. At this the religious people were much affected, especially when they heard, that the offender continuing obstinate, must be esteemed “as an Heathen man, that has no part or lot among God’s visible people.” _This_ they seemed to have the most awful apprehensions of; a state of Heathenism, out of which they were so lately brought, appearing very dreadful to them.

After, public worship I visited sundry houses to see how they spent the remainder of the sabbath, and to treat with them on the great concerns of their souls; and the Lord seemed to smile upon my endeavours, and to make these particular addresses more effectual than my public discourses.

April 7. I endeavoured to open the institution, nature, and ends of the Lord’s supper, as well as the qualifications necessary to the right participation of it. Sundry persons seemed much affected with the love of Christ in this provision for the comfort of his people, at a season when himself was just entering upon his sharpest sufferings.

[On Tuesday, he went to a meeting of the Presbytery appointed at Elisabeth’s-Town. In his way thither, he enjoyed some sweet meditations; but after he came there, he was (as he expresses it) _under an awful gloom_, that oppressed his mind. And this continued till Saturday evening. He spent the sabbath at Staten island; where he preached to an assembly of Dutch and English, and enjoyed considerable refreshment. In the evening he returned to Elisabeth’s-Town.]

Monday, April 14. My spirits were refreshed, and my mind composed, so that I was in a comfortable frame of soul, most of the day. In the evening my head was clear, my mind serene; I enjoyed sweetness in secret prayer and meditation. Oh, how free, how comfortable, chearful, and yet solemn, do I feel when I am in a good measure freed from those damps and melancholy glooms, that I often labour under!

*Tuesday, April 15. My soul longed for more spirituality: and it was my burden, that I could do no more for God. Oh, my barrenness is my daily affliction! Oh, how precious is time: and how it pains me to see it slide away, while I do so very little to any good purpose! Oh that God would make me more fruitful and spiritual!

Thursday, April 17. I enjoyed some comfort in prayer, some freedom in meditation, and composure in my studies. In the evening I preached from Psalms lxxiii. 28. “But it is good for me to draw near to God.” God helped me to feel the truth of my text. I was enabled to pour out my soul to God with great freedom, fervency, and affection: and to speak with tenderness, and yet with faithfulness: and divine truths seemed to fall with weight and influence upon the hearers. My heart was melted for the dear assembly, and I loved every body in it; my soul cried, “Oh that the dear creatures might be saved! O that God would have mercy on them!”

Lord’s-day, April 20.¹ I enjoyed some freedom, and exercise of faith and prayer, especially when I came to pray for Zion. I was free from gloomy discouragement; and my soul rejoiced in the hopes of Zion’s prosperity, and the enlargement of the kingdom of the great Redeemer.

¹ This day he entered into the 29th year of his age.

Monday, April 21. I was composed and comfortable most of the day; had freedom in prayer, several times; especially for Zion’s enlargement and prosperity. And Oh, how refreshing were these hopes to my soul! Oh that the kingdom of the Lord might come.

Tuesday, April 22. My mind was remarkably free from melancholy damps, and animated in my work, I found such vigour and resolution in the service of God, that the _mountains_ seemed to become a _plain_ before me. Oh, blessed be God for an interval of refreshment, and fervent resolution in my Lord’s work! In the evening, my soul was refreshed in secret prayer, and my heart drawn out for divine blessings; especially for the church of God, for my own people, and for dear friends in remote places. Oh that Zion might prosper, and precious souls be brought home to God!

April 25. Having appointed the next Lord’s-day for the administration of the Lord’s supper, this day was set apart for solemn fasting and prayer, to implore the blessing of God upon our design; and to intreat that his presence might be with us in our approach to his table.

The solemnity was observed, not only by those who proposed to communicate, but by the whole congregation.――In the former part of the day, I endeavoured to open to my people the nature of a _fast_, and to instruct them in the duties of such a solemnity.――In the afternoon I insisted upon the special reasons there were for our now engaging in these solemn exercises; both in regard of the need we stood in of divine assistance, in order to a due preparation for the sacred ordinance; and in respect of the manifest decline of God’s work here, as to the conviction and conversion of sinners.

The worship of God was attended with great solemnity and reverence, with much tenderness and many tears, and there was some appearance of divine power upon those who had been awakened some time before.

After repeated prayer, I led them to a solemn renewal of their _baptismal covenant_, wherein they had explicitly given up themselves to God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, avouching him to be their God; and at the same time renouncing their heathenish vanities, and solemnly engaging to take the word of God for the _rule of their lives_, promising to walk together in love, to watch over themselves, and one another; to lead lives of seriousness and devotion, and to discharge the _relative_ duties incumbent upon them.

This solemn transaction was attended with much seriousness; and at the same time with the utmost readiness and chearfulness; and an union and harmony of soul seemed to crown the whole.

April 26. I catechised those that designed to partake of the Lord’s supper the next day, upon the institution, nature and end of that ordinance; and had abundant satisfaction respecting their knowledge. They likewise appeared, to have an affecting sense of the solemnity of the ordinance, and to be humbled under a sense of their own unworthiness; and earnestly concerned that they may be duly prepared for an attendance upon it. Their hearts were full of love one toward another, and this they seemed much concerned to maintain, and bring to the Lord’s table with them.

I administered the Lord’s supper to _twenty-three_ Indians, (the number of _men_ and _women_ being nearly equal,) divers others, to the number of five or six, being now absent at the Forks of Delaware.

The ordinance was attended with great solemnity, and with the utmost tenderness and affection. In the performance of the _sacramental_ actions, especially in the distribution of the _bread_, they seemed to be affected in a most lively manner, as if “Christ had been” really “crucified before them.” And the words of the institution, when repeated, seemed to be entertained with the _same full_ and _firm_ belief and affectionate engagement of soul, as if the Lord Jesus Christ himself had _personally_ spoken to them.

*Having rested some time after the administration of the _sacrament_, I walked from house to house, and conversed particularly with most of the _communicants_, and found they had been refreshed at the Lord’s table “as with new wine.” And never did I see such an appearance of _Christian love_ among any people. One might well have cried with an agreeable surprize, “Behold how they love one another!”

Toward night I discoursed on the immediate design of Christ’s death, “To redeem his people from all iniquity.”

This appeared to be a season of divine power. The religious were much refreshed, and seemed remarkably tender, full of love, joy, peace, and desires of being completely “redeemed from all iniquity.” Convictions also appeared to be revived in many instances; and divers persons were awakened whom I had never observed under any religious impressions before.

_Such_ was the influence which attended our assembly, that it seemed grievous to conclude the public worship. And the congregation when ♦dismissed, although it was then almost dark, appeared loth to leave the place.

♦ “dismised” replaced with “dismissed”

April 28. I concluded the solemnity with a discourse upon John xiv. 15. “If ye love me keep my commandments.” There appeared great tenderness in the audience in general, but especially in the _communicants_.――――O how free, how engaged and affectionate did _these_ appear in the service of God! They seemed willing to have their “ears bored to the door posts of God’s house,” and to be his servants for ever.

*Observing numbers in this excellent frame, I thought it proper to improve this advantageous season, as Hezekiah did his great _passover_, (2 Chronicles xxxi.) in order to promote the blessed reformation among them: and accordingly proposed to them that they should _renewedly_ enter into covenant before God, to watch over themselves and one another. And especially that they would watch against the sin of _drunkenness_.――They chearfully complied and explicitly joined in that covenant; whereupon I proceeded in the most solemn manner to call God to _witness_ their sacred engagement; minded them of the greatness of the guilt they would contract in the violation of it; and that God would be a terrible _witness_ against those who should presume to do so, in the “great and notable day of the Lord.”

*It was a season of amazing solemnity, and a _divine awe_ appeared upon the face of the whole assembly! Affectionate sighs, and tears, were frequent in the audience: and I doubt not but many silent cries were sent up to the _fountain_ of grace, for grace to fulfil these solemn engagements.

[On Tuesday he went to Elisabeth-Town, to the meeting of the Presbytery: and spent the time in a free and comfortable state of mind.]

Saturday, May 3. I rode from Elisabeth-Town home to my people, near Cranberry; whither they are removed, and where I hope God will settle them as a Christian congregation. I was refreshed in lifting up my heart to God, while riding; and enjoyed a thankful frame of spirit.

May 4. My people being now removed to their _lands_; I this day visited them, and preached to them from Mark iv. 5. shewing the reason there was to fear, lest many hopeful beginnings, might prove abortive, like the “seed dropped upon stony places.”

May 5. I visited them again, and gave them directions relating to their business.

I daily discover more and more of what importance it is, that they become industrious, and able to raise the necessaries of life _within themselves_; for their present method of living greatly exposes them to temptations of various kinds.

*Wednesday, May 7. I spent most of the day in writing, and enjoyed freedom in my work. I was favoured with comfortable meditations, this day, and in the evening, was in a sweet composed frame of mind: pleased and delighted to leave all with God, respecting myself, for time and eternity, and respecting the people of my charge and dear friends: I had no doubt but that God would take care of me, and of his own interest among my people; and was enabled to use freedom in prayer, as a child with a tender father.

*Thursday, May 8. In the evening I enjoyed a tender melting frame in secret prayer, wherein my soul was drawn out for the interest of Zion, and comforted with the lively hope of the appearing of the kingdom of the great Redeemer. These were sweet moments: I felt loth to go to bed, and grieved that sleep was necessary. However, I lay down with a tender reverential fear of God, sensible that “his favour is life,” and his smiles, infinitely better than life itself.

May 9. I preached in the open wilderness; the Indians having as yet no house for public worship in this place, nor scarce any _shelter_ for themselves.――――Divine truths made considerable impressions, and it was a season of solemnity, tenderness, and affection.

I baptized this day, the ♦conjurer and murderer mentioned before, such a remarkable instance of divine grace, that I cannot omit some brief account of him.

♦ “conjuror” replaced with “conjurer”

He lived near, and sometimes attended me in the Forks of Delaware for more than a year together; but was extremely attached to strong drink, and seemed to be no ways reformed. In this time he likewise _murdered_ a young Indian, which threw him into a kind of _desperation_, so that he kept from me, and refused to hear me preach for several months, till I had an opportunity of conversing freely with him, and giving him encouragement, that even his sin might be forgiven for Christ’s sake.

But that which was the worst was his _conjuration_. He was one of them who are called _powwows_ among the Indians: and notwithstanding his attendance upon my preaching, still followed his old _charms_, “giving out that he himself was some great one, and to him they gave heed,” supposing him to be possessed of a _great power_. So that when I have instructed them respecting the _miracles_ wrought by Christ, and mentioned them as evidences of his _divine_ mission, they have quickly observed the wonders which this man performed by his _magic charms_; which seemed to be a fatal obstruction to their receiving the gospel. And I often thought, it would be a great favour to the Indians, if God would take that wretch out of the world: but God, “whose thoughts are not as man’s thoughts,” has been pleased to take a much more desirable method; a method agreeable to his own merciful nature, advantageous to his own interest among the Indians, as well as to the poor soul himself.

The first genuine concern for his soul was excited by seeing my interpreter and his wife baptized at the Forks of Delaware, July 21, 1745. Which so prevailed upon him that he followed me down to Crosweeksung in the beginning of August, and there continued for several weeks in the season of the most powerful awakening among the Indians; at which time he was more effectually awakened: and then, he says, upon his “feeling the spirit of God in his heart,” (as he expresses it) his spirit of conjuration left him entirely; that he has had no more power of that nature since, than any other man. And he declares that he does not so much as know how he used to _charm_ and conjure; and that he could not do any thing of that nature, if he was ever so desirous.

He continued under convictions all the fall, and former part of the winter past, but was not so deeply exercised till January; and then the word of God took such hold upon him, that he knew not what to do, or where to turn.――He then told me, that when he used to hear me preach from time to time in the fall of the year, my preaching pricked his heart, but did not bring him to so _great_ distress, because he still hoped he could do _something_ for his own relief: but now, he said, I drove him up into “such a sharp corner,” that he had no way to turn.

He continued under the heavy burden of a _wounded spirit_, till he was brought into the utmost _agony of soul_.

After this he was brought to a kind of calmness; he appeared perfectly sedate; although he had no sure hope of salvation.

*I observed him remarkably composed, and asked him how he did? He replied, “It is done, it is done, it is all done now.” I asked him what he meant? He answered, “I can never do any more to save myself; it is all done for ever, I can do no more.” I queried with him, whether he could not do a _little_ more rather than to go to hell. He replied, “My heart is dead, I can never help myself.” I asked him, what he thought would become of him then? He answered, “I must go to hell.” I asked him, if he thought it was right that God should send him to hell? He replied, “O it is right. The devil has been in me ever since I was born.” I asked him, if he felt this when he was in such great distress the evening before? He answered, “No, I did not think it was right. I thought God would send me to hell, and that I was then dropping into it; but my heart quarrelled with God, and would not say it was _right_ he should send me there. But now I know it is right, for I have always served the devil, and my heart has no goodness in it now, but it is as bad as ever it was,”――I scarce ever saw any person more effectually brought off from a dependence upon his own endeavours for salvation.

In this frame of mind he continued for several days, passing sentence of condemnation upon himself, and constantly owning, that it would be right he should be damned, and that he expected this would be his portion. And yet it was plain he had a secret hope of mercy, which kept him from pressing distress: so that instead of being sad and dejected, his very countenance appeared pleasant and agreeable.

*It was remarkable in this season that he seemed to have a great love to the people of God, and nothing ♦affected him so much as the thoughts of being separated from them. This seemed to be a very dreadful part of the hell he thought himself doomed to.――It was likewise remarkable, that in this season he was most diligent in the use of all means for his salvation; although he had the clearest view of the _insufficiency_ of means to afford him help.

♦ “effected” replaced with “affected” per Errata

*After he had continued in this frame of mind more than a _week_, while I was discoursing publicly, he seemed to have a lively view of the excellency of Christ, and the way of salvation by him, which melted him into tears, and filled him with admiration, comfort, and praise to God; since which he has appeared to be an humble, devout, and affectionate Christian; serious and exemplary in his conversation and behaviour, frequently complaining of his want of warmth, life, and activity, and yet frequently favoured with quickening influences. And in all respects he bears the marks of one “created anew in Christ Jesus.”

His zeal for the cause of God was pleasing to me, when he was with me at the Forks of Delaware in February last. There being an old Indian who threatened to _bewitch_ me and my people who accompanied me; _this_ man challenged him to do his worst, telling him, that himself had been as great a _conjurer_ as he, and that notwithstanding as soon as he felt that word in his heart which these people loved, his power of conjuring immediately left him.――And so it would you, said he, if you did but once feel it in your heart; and you have no power to touch one of them.

Saturday, May 10. I rode to Allen’s-Town, to assist in the administration of the Lord’s supper. In the afternoon I preached from Titus ii. 14. God was pleased to carry me through with some freedom; and yet to deny me that enlargement I longed for. In the evening my soul mourned, that I had treated so excellent a subject in so defective a manner. And if my discourse had met with the utmost applause from all the world, it would not have given me any satisfaction: Oh, it grieved me to think, that I had had no more holy warmth, that I had been no more melted in discoursing of Christ’s death, and the design of it! Afterwards, I enjoyed freedom and fervency in secret and family prayer, and longed much for the presence of God to attend his word and ordinances the next day.