Chapter VI: Front Matter (6)

4. Here we lay five weeks on board the _Seaflower_, a ship belonging to _Whitby_. On _December 18_, new stile, we set sail for _Burnt-island_: our ship having 41 horses on board. About sun-rise, just as we got over the bar, it looking as if we should have hard weather, the man of war that sailed with us prepared for it, backing his sails, and making fast his guns. Before we lost sight of land, we saw one of the transports break her yard. Soon after we came up along-side of a man of war, who advised us, to take in some of our sails. But our captain, being head strong, did not regard him, but kept all his sails set, except the main-top-gallant. About two hours before sun-set, it blew a hurricane; and we having but few sailors, before they were able to furl the sails, the wind tore them all in pieces. And it was well it did. For we lay gunnel to; so that had the sails stood, we must have overset. Suddenly a great outcry was made below, that the horses were broke loose. I ran down and found seven of them had broke loose, which made the rest so wild, that we were obliged to kill them all but one. But it was six days before we could get them over-board: during which the smell was so offensive, that it made the whole ship’s crew sick. Two days after we saw the shore; but we could not possibly make it, the wind was so high. We then endeavoured to make _Aberdeen_: but were beat to sea again. The next morning we lost sight of land, the weather continued as before for five days. The sixth, at day-break, we were surprised to see in the midst of the sea a rock very high out of the water, and the ship was almost upon it: so all hands were called. The captain standing on the deck, cried, “O my ship, my ship.” Some of the soldiers cursed him for disheartening them, he answered, “You need not swear and curse, for you may look over the side of the ship, and see your graves.” Many were then frighted, and some went to prayer. When we got to the lee-side of the rock, we strove to anchor; but the wind blew so hard, and the sea was so rough, we could not. The ship was now taking in water apace, so that we had two foot water in our hold already. Ten soldiers were employed, of whom I was one, to ♦bale the water out with their camp-kettles. In a little while our steward perished with cold, as did the carpenter soon after. And several of the boys had their limbs frozen, so that they were unable to work. Eight soldiers who had been on board a man of war were ordered to supply their place.

♦ “hale” replaced with “bale”

5. The wind continued to blow hard at south which drove us on the coast of _Greenland_. We were now so far north that I believe we had not above four hours day-light. The captain now came into the cabin, and cried, “Lord, have mercy upon us! What shall we do? I am afraid we shall be drove so far north, as to have no day-light at all.” Quickly after, he went out of his senses, and was confined in his cabin. But just then the wind shifted from south to north; and Lieutenant _Eyres_, understanding the theory of navigation, undertook the management of the ship. The 10th of _March_ we came in sight of a rocky coast, but knew not what land it was. We tried to take soundings; but could find no bottom. A strong current ran between the rocks, which was against us: but the wind blew strong for us. We hung out a flag of distress at our main-top-mast, and fired several guns and several platoons.

6. During this distress most in the ship called upon God, and if any man spoke profanely, he was reproved for it. At the same time, a thought came into the minds of many, that there was some grievous sinner in the ship: and all agreed to cast lots, that they might find the man, for whose sake this was come upon us. But they did not execute what they had agreed. Here we remained five days. One who had been a sailor, then swore, that it was the _Orkneys_ we saw, and undertook to bring us safe in. But we had not gone far, before our passage was quite shut up, and we were just upon the rocks. In the morning a man was sent to the main-top-mast head, and ordered to keep a good look-out. Before twelve he cried, “A boat a-head.” Our boat was quickly manned in order to row to them. In a short time they came on board: they brought us into the harbour about sun-set. Here we remained, till we had liberty from the king of _Denmark_, to come to _North-Bergen_ in _Norway_. When we came thither, several lost the use of their limbs, and many died in an hospital erected for us. Here we continued a month. Having then repaired our ship, and got a new captain, (for the old one was still disordered) we set sail for _Scotland_, intending for _Burnt-island_, which we hoped to reach in a short time.

7. But we had scarce lost sight of land two hours, when another violent storm arose. I then renewed the good resolutions I made in the last, and which I forgot almost as soon as I had made them. It blew exceeding hard; however on _April 9_, we came with great difficulty to _Leith_. When we were safe on shore, instead of returning God thanks, I soon fell to my old trade of drunkenness: and during our several removes, I continually plunged deeper and deeper into all manner of wickedness.

8. After being at several other places we marched to _Glasgow_, where I met with a sober woman, and one that feared God, whom I married and lived comfortably with, till orders came for my remove to _England_. We past the winter at _Dover_, where the advice of my wife made such an impression upon me, that I began to take up, and be a good husband, and worked hard to maintain myself and her. So I continued to do at _Exeter_, where I had a son born, and stayed eleven months. Thence we marched to _Plymouth_, where we embarked for _Minorca_. We landed there _May 25_, and I lived happy with my wife for two months. Then both she and my child were taken sick and died. This was a loss indeed! I believe if she had lived, it would have been the saving of my life.

9. After her death I soon fell back to drunkenness, and to supply the expence of it, took to coining. The next spring, _April 20_, the _French_ invested the castle of St. _Philip_. Toward the end of the siege, my companion and I got drunk together and quarrelled: upon which he threatened to inform against me, for which a great reward was offered. Being soon after told that he was gone to give information, I thought there was but one way to save my life. So I and he that told me determined to desert together. In getting out of the castle, I fell into the sea, and was very near being drowned. With much difficulty we then got to an old house, and took shelter therein. But we were between the fire of the _French_ and the _English_; so we stayed not above a quarter of an hour. I would now fain have returned; but our case was desperate: so we went on hand in hand. As we advanced, the _French_ gave the signal, which was three slaps with their hand on the cartouch-box. As we did not answer it, or speak, (for neither of us could speak _French_) they immediately fired upon us. But here also the hand of God was over us. The shot all flew over our heads. They then came and took us to the commanding officer, who sent us to the town as prisoners. In the morning we were removed to a prison near one of the general’s quarters, who sent for us about noon, and asked, what our design was? I answered, it was our desire to go into _France_ and work. He said, “this could not be allowed by any means, unless I first serv’d in the army for three years.” I said, I would only comply, on condition I should not serve on the island, he replied, if I would not serve on the island, I must go back to prison, I was going, but he called me back and ask’d, “in what regiment in _France_ would you like to serve?” I answer’d in _Fitz-James_’s. He said, I should. However for the present, I was remanded to prison. Two days after I was carried before the Duke _de Richlieu_, who asked me many questions. But I continued a prisoner during the whole siege, and was so, till we came to _Valenciennes_.

10. Here I was enlisted into _Fitz-James_’s horse, and continued two months: but with an aking heart. I longed to be in _England_ again, and only waited for an opportunity. This was suspected: so that when we marched hence, I was confined every night, till we got a great way into _France_. By interceding with the quarter-master, I then got my liberty. After many removes, we marched to _Hanau_, and from thence about thirty leagues toward Muscovy. Here four of us agreed to desert the next night, and make the best of our way to the Duke of _Cumberland_’s army. At eleven we set out in thunder, lightning and rain. We took each of us a brace of pistols, with our swords, and plenty of powder and ball. With great difficulty we past the guards, and then not knowing the roads, quickly lost our way: so that at break of day, we had got but nine miles. However we were now got into the right road: but day-light approaching, we went into a wood, and stayed there till six in the evening: having been all this time without victuals, we were weak and faint; however we walk’d all night. In the morning we learn’d from a waggoner, that a party of _French_ horse were within a mile and a half of us. We ask’d what he thought they came there for? He said he knew not unless it was to look for deserters. Upon this, finding no way to get to the duke, we agreed to make for _Holland_, having changed our clothes with some of the boors, who likewise behaved kindly to us, or we must have perished.

11. Having sold our arms to buy us provisions, after many difficulties and dangers, in passing by both the _French_ and _Imperial_ troops, we at length came to _Mastricht_. Thence we went to _Middleburgh_, and afterward to _Flushing_, where we got on board an _English_ man of war, which the next morning sailed, and brought us into the _Downs_. The third day after we landed, we were apprehended as deserters, and laid in irons for six days. We were then removed to _Brumpton_ camp, near _Chatham_, where I was tried by a court martial, for deserting from the castle of St. _Philips_, which I acknowledg’d and was condemned to die.

12. I now began to be in great trouble, not knowing what to do. At length my companion and I determined to lay violent hands on ourselves. In this resolution I continued till night. Then I began to think of the consequences of self-murder. Betimes in the morning I went to prayer, and continued praying ’till about ten o’clock. In my distress I bethought me of one _James Harbuckle_, a drummer in our regiment. When he came I told him of my condition, and he began to talk to me of the love of Christ to sinners: of repentance toward God, and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. In the evening he was obliged to go; but he promised to send some of his brethren to me. Two of them came at night and explained more at large what _James Harbuckle_ had said. From this time I found another kind of trouble: my sins were so set in array against me, that not an evil work or word, or thought, I had ever given way to, but was brought to my remembrance. Yet I was not so much troubled for fear of hell, as for grief that I had offended so good a God, and had crucified the Son of God afresh. For three days and three nights my distress was so great, that it was as if all my flesh was tearing off my bones, and my bones breaking in pieces, which made me often look at my hands and legs, to see if it was not so.

13. My load so increased, that I was just ready to despair of mercy, when on a sudden it all dropt off. I was on my knees at prayer, when in a moment all my fear was gone. I knew I had redemption in the blood of Christ, the forgiveness of my sins: and the love of God was shed abroad in my heart, enabling me to love all mankind, even my enemies: and him in particular who had been the cause of my deserting. And I had an earnest desire to see and tell him so. And I found every day an increase in love, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I was so delivered from the fear of death, that I could have rejoiced to have died that instant; being filled with prayer, and praise, and thanksgiving, such as no tongue can express. And this sense of the love of God to my soul, I never since lost, not for a moment.

14. I was removed from hence to _Dover-Castle_, where I sent for Mr. _Edwards_, the minister of St. _Mary’s_. He came the next morning, and afterwards attended me very diligently. I desire to thank God for his help, and hope the Lord will bless him for his kindness to me. But I could not be satisfied, till I had sent into the town to enquire, if there were any of the people call’d _Methodists_ there? They sent word, they would come when their day’s work was done: but it being then late, they could not be admitted. On _Sunday_ they came again, and we prayed, and sang, and rejoiced together in the salvation of God, I desired they would come again if I was spared, which they did the following _Sunday_, when my spirit was so revived, that I could not help declaring to my fellow-soldiers what God had done for my soul. And now my prison was turned into a church, an house of prayer and praise. People crowded in, soldiers and others, to whom Mr. W――――r gave an exhortation. When he had done, I stood up, and begged my fellow-soldiers, to cry to God for mercy, and grace to forsake all their sins, lest the day of grace should be past, and they be given over to a reprobate mind.

15. I spent the remaining part of the day in giving a relation of my life, to one who wrote it down from my mouth; but I could not finish it then. _Monday, October 23_, Mr. _Edwards_ administered the Lord’s Supper to me. In the afternoon Mr. W――――r gave another exhortation as I did likewise when he had done, and we sang praises to God with a good courage, and poured out our souls in prayer. The soldier who had threatened to inform against me at St. _Philip’s_ now came in. Formerly I was resolved to kill him, wherever I met him: but I now felt nothing but love and pity. So I earnestly exhorted him to forsake his sins, and seek mercy while it might be found.

16. What follows is added by him who wrote the forgoing relation. We now parted, after I had promised to be with him, during the short remainder of his life, as much as my business would permit. _Tuesday_ the 25th, Mr. _Edwards_ administered the Sacrament to him, and examined him closely as to the state of his soul. He readily answered every question, and declared his desire to depart and to be with Christ. About ten at night I came to him again, and found him employed in exhorting his fellow soldiers, and in praise and prayer. In the same employment he had been the greatest part of the day. In the same he continued till about twelve: when his strength being quite exhausted, he was forced to take some rest. He would fain have slept on his coffin; but we persuaded him to lie on the straw: when he waked, he asked, what o’clock it was? And being answered “about three,” he complained that he had slept too long; but found himself much refresh’d. After Mr. W――――r had read and expounded a chapter, and spent some time in prayer and praise, he again exhorted his fellow soldiers, to forsake their sins, particularly those to which he knew they were addicted.

*17. The morning now advancing, he exprest much longing for the happy hour, when he was to “put on, as he called it, his wedding dress” and to be with the Lord. We then left him awhile and when we returned, found him drest in white, standing on a long form, and exhorting all the people. We all joined in prayer, after which he broke out in praise to God his Saviour. Mr. _Edwards_ coming in, asked, how he did? He answered, “Blessed be God, never happier.” After a few more questions he withdrew, and _Othen_ getting on the form again, exhorted all that were present with such joy and fervency of spirit, as testified a hope full of immortality.

18. He was thus employed, when the officer came, to tell him, the time was come; he then chearfully stept off the bench, and without any delay went forwards, and said, “I had a good wife, and I loved her well: but I now go forth with greater pleasure to die, than I did on my wedding day to be married.” When he was out of prison and delivered to the soldiers who were to guard him to the place of execution, he began singing that hymn with a loud voice,

“Behold the Saviour of mankind,
“Nail’d to a shameful tree!”

Walking on he took notice of a company of young soldiers, to whom he earnestly said, “take warning by me, I am young; but 27 years of age, in full health and strength. And yet I shall soon be as water spilt on the ground, which cannot be gathered up. My morning sun goes down at ten o’clock. Yet I have found mercy: and so may you. O that you saw the danger of being out of Christ! If you felt this in the manner I felt it, especially for three days and three nights, it would make the stoutest of you tremble.”

19. Then turning to me and some others, who walked near him, he said, “come which of you will help me to sing?” On which he gave out his favourite hymn (that on the crucifixion) and we all sang it with him. When he came to the spot where he was to suffer, the minister was ready to pray with him, in which we all joined. Afterwards the officer gave him liberty to go round and exhort all the soldiers. He began at the right and ended at the left, sparing neither officers nor private men: though to some he spoke more particularly, and in a manner which I trust they will never forget. He then asked the serjeant if the major thought him too long. He said, no: upon which he gave out, the lamentation of a sinner. While we were singing, the men were drawn out that were to shoot him, and stood a little behind him. He turned and looked upon them, and Mr. W――――r asked him, “whether he felt any fear of death?” He said, “none at all blessed be God: I feel my faith stronger and stronger,” here we all took our last farewel of him, and ♦parted with a kiss of love. He then chearfully walked to the mark, kneeled down, and having commended his soul to God, gave the signal. In that instant his body pitched forward, and his soul sprang into eternity.

♦ “preted” replaced with “parted”

20. Some of our friends told the serjeant, that if it was agreeable to the major, Mr. _W――――r_ would preach a sermon on the occasion. The offer was readily accepted. So in the afternoon he stood near the place of execution, and all the soldiers were ordered out, and formed a ring round about him. The officers as well as soldiers were present, and behaved with the utmost seriousness.

As I was coming back, a soldier said to the people, “If I was as well prepared for death as _Othen_, I did not care if I was to be carried up to the green, and shot this moment.”

Another said, I was so prejudiced against him by reports, that I would have shot him, as soon as I would a dog. And I waited at the prison door, expecting to see a monstrous creature, when I saw a man with grace shining in his face. And I hope what I then saw and heard will be a blessing to me as long as I live.

Some ACCOUNT
Of the LIFE and DEATH of
MATTHEW LEE.

MATTHEW LEE was born at _Croft_ in _Lincolnshire_, was educated in that neighbourhood; and at eleven years of age, put apprentice to a shoe-maker in _Brator_ near _Spillsbury_, and served his time to the approbation of his master: was of a sober, quiet disposition, and esteemed for his good-nature and integrity. Shortly after the expiration of his apprenticeship, by the invitation of his brother, he came to _London_; but being used to coarse country work, unskilled in the method of working in _London_, and but a slow hand withal, he was incapable, by his business, of gaining even the necessaries of life. This involved him in great difficulties and distresses, his relations not being in circumstances to grant him any assistance. On his application to them for advice, he was advised to get a waiter’s or drawer’s place at an inn.

After some time he was hired to the _Swan_ at _Fulham_, where he lived contentedly and agreeably, gained the good-will of those whom he conversed with, and kept his character unblemished. He afterwards lived at a public-house in _Carnaby-market_: from thence he went to the _Three Tuns_ in _New-street_, _Fetter-lane_, where he continued to live, till a person who came frequently to drink at his master’s house, and with whom _Matthew_ had contracted an intimacy, one day told him that it lay in his power to be of great benefit to him, and if he would hearken to his advice, he might live more advantageously than he could do in a public house: _Matthew_ enquired into the particulars of the affair: _Walton_ (for so was his companion’s name) informed him, that his aunt had left him a large legacy, and he was now going to receive the same, and if he would quit his present service, and attend on him, he would give him great wages, and he should live as himself. He the more readily agreed thereto, from a desire to be freed from the threatenings of a woman with whom he had sinful commerce. He had borrowed money of her, which he was at present incapable of paying her, for which she frequently threatened him with a gaol. This made him the more willing to leave his place, to be freed from her importunity. Accordingly he packed up his cloaths, with what money he had, and went from his place with his new pretended master.

But he soon found his mistake: they wandered up and down, till their money being expended, _Walton_ shewed _Lee_ a pistol, and said, “This must stand our friend, and supply us with all we want.” When he objected to the proposal, the other with dreadful curses threatened to blow his brains out, if he did not comply. While they were arguing upon the point, they had an opportunity of putting their design in execution: for in the midst of their discourse, Mr. _Chalmer_ came in sight. _Walton_ gave _Lee_ the pistol to attack him, but his heart failed; he sat down on the side of the field, and Mr. _Chalmer_ passed by uninterrupted.

For this, _Walton_ reproached him bitterly; upon which they both followed him, _Lee_ with his pistol, and _Walton_ with a large stick, and robbed the gentleman of his watch and fourteen shillings. Had _Walton_ been contented with what the gentleman had given him, in all probability they might have escaped; but _Walton_ perceiving a bulk in his pocket (which was thirteen guineas) demanded it, which Mr. _Chalmer_ refused, and recovering his spirits, told them, “Except they would give him his watch, he would follow them.” _Walton_ observing this, took the pistol from _Lee_, and made his escape over the fields; but _Lee_ having the watch, was closely pursued, and taken with the watch upon him.

He was first committed to _Bridewell_, and continued there six weeks: during his stay there, God was pleased to incline the heart of one to visit those who were there confined, and to publish the glad tidings of salvation; and God gave _Lee_ an ear to hear the gospel-sound, and an heart to embrace it. He took great delight in hearing: and a visible alteration was observed in his whole behaviour. He was convinced of his lost and undone state; was sensible how vile and guilty he was before God: was much by himself in reading and prayer, frequently and earnestly crying for mercy. But he was very fearful lest his many and great sins would exclude him from the favour of God; and though he was only guilty of this robbery, yet he acknowledged himself a vile and hell-deserving creature, for his whole life. It was now the grief of his heart that he had ever sinned against such a good and gracious God: who he acknowledged had been frequently striving with him. For (said he) I remember when I have been drinking and merry-making with my companions, in the midst of my mirth, great horror and distress have seized me, that I have often times been forced to leave my company, and retire by myself. I have been frequently distressed on account of my sin: my conscience has checked me in, and after the committing of it; but by company and mirth it would soon wear off, though not so, but at times it would return again.

The very first time he heard the preaching in _Bridewell_, the terrors of the Almighty fell upon him, and the arrows of God stuck fast in his soul. The sense of his crime (not as it was merely against the laws of man, but as it was against the law of God) and all his former sins greatly distressed him. The thoughts of death, but especially of a judgment to come, made him tremble exceedingly. He feared the wrath to come, and knew not how to flee from it. He was desirous to know what he must do to be saved; but did not see Christ the way of salvation. He was now crying out undone! undone! and writing bitter things against himself. He was so desirous to hear the gospel, that he would rather lose the favour of his relations and friends, that visited him, than lose one opportunity: saying, “He had but one friend to please, and that was Christ.”

He heard with such attention and affection, that he seemed even to eat the words of the preacher. He earnestly longed for the pardon of his sins: but for the first three weeks he had not the least glimpse of comfort.

Shortly after, as he was in prayer, crying earnestly for mercy, under great horror of soul, God broke in upon him in a wonderful manner, which he thus expressed to the person that preached.

*“I believe now my peace is made with God through Jesus Christ. I experience a great change in my soul, for while I was at prayer, last night, in great terror, apprehensive that I was going immediately body and soul to hell: I cry’d out so loud that my fellow-prisoners in the next ward heard me, and called to know what was the matter: I told them that I was going to hell, and begged their prayers for me: but while I was in the midst of this horror and despair, I suddenly experienced a blessed and comfortable change: my mind was immediately calmed: I believed my sins were forgiven: the fear of hell was taken away: and I was so far from fearing death, that I was now more desirous to die, than to live.”

He earnestly desired prayer to God in his behalf, and wept bitterly that ever he should sin against him. It was very observable from this time, that the greater sense he experienced of the mercy of God to him, the greater abhorrence he had of sin, and of himself for committing it.

He was now more serious in hearing the word than ever; and was frequently singing of psalms and hymns. He could not bear to hear any of his fellow-prisoners profane the name of God, but would reprove them and exhort them with a serious concern to reflect on the consequences of such a behaviour.

“Oh! (said he) did you but feel the terrors I lately did for my sins, you would dread the thoughts of ever sinning again.”

“I have (says he, to a friend) deserved eternal death; but blessed be God who hath taken away the sting of death, and the guilt of sin; and now I can walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and not be afraid: now I can lay down and rise up, can live and die in peace.”

Being removed from _Bridewell_ to _Newgate_, to be tried at the _Old Bailey_, the day before he was brought to the bar, he said, “Shortly I shall appear before the bar of man, and receive a sentence of death on this body; but this is my comfort, before man condemns me, God, the eternal God, has pardoned me: I shall stand guilty before man, but guiltless before God.”

Being asked, “How he, who acknowledged himself a sinner could stand guiltless before God.”

He replied, “Because Jesus Christ hath washed away my sins in his own blood; and I am justified by his grace: my sins are blotted out of the book of his remembrance.”

It was asked again, “How he knew that Christ had taken away his sins, and that he was washed in his blood.”

*He replied: “As a lost and undone sinner, I have laid hold on Jesus Christ by faith: I rest the whole of my salvation upon him: I have believed in him: and he hath adopted me into his family: the Spirit of God bears witness with my spirit, that I am a child of God. Thus I know that all my sins are pardoned, and let death come when it will, I am ready; for I am assured, as soon as this body is dead, my soul will be with Jesus in paradise.”

One present said, “That we need be cautious of deceiving our own souls, and advised him to be modest in his expressions: for many who had made a great profession for many years, could not speak with such confidence as he did.”

He answered, “I speak it from a certainty of the thing; that which I _see_ and _feel_, I testify unto you.”

*“Sir, If these heavy irons were removed from me, should not I be sensible of it; and could not I by experience declare to others that my irons were removed, and my legs were at liberty? Would not the alteration I felt, be a sufficient foundation to assert the satisfaction I found by the removal of them? Why thus it was lately with my soul: it was fettered down to sin: I was a slave to my lusts, and I could no more get rid of my sins, than I can of these irons. But while I was fearing and expecting to be cast into hell every moment, Jesus Christ came and knocked off my irons, my sins: he shut the doors of hell, and opened the doors of heaven; and set my soul at liberty. God has made me, who was a slave of the devil, to be a subject of Christ. I am brought from my lusts and pleasures, which I loved, to love nothing else but Jesus Christ. And can such an alteration be wrought in my soul, and I be ignorant thereof?――――O blessed be God, this change fills me with joy: I am full of joy: joy, not to be expressed: for Christ loves me, and I love Christ, and I shall shortly be with him for ever.”

One saying, he had a heavy pair of irons on, “Oh! (says he) these are the cursed fruits of sin: this is the honour the devil’s servants have: these are the badges that declare to whom I did belong, and tell what dirty work I have been engaged in. Ah, cursed sin, that exposes us to such misery here, and to ten thousand times ten thousand worse hereafter! *It was my sins that brought me here; and my sins made me liable to be the devil’s prisoner, in the dreadful prison of hell for ever: but the Lord hath spread all my sins before my face, that I may see the magnitude and the multitude of them; and then he blowed them away with a blast of his Holy Spirit. All my sins appeared before me, and they looked like the devil from whence they came: but then Jesus Christ cast them all behind his back, and made me whiter than driven snow in his presence.”

Being advised to plead, not guilty, when called to the bar, and told, perhaps it might save his life:

*He replied: “I will not tell a lie to save ten thousand lives. It is true, life is sweet, but the love and favour of God is sweeter to me than life itself: how do I know, but while I am telling of a lie to save my life, I may be struck dead, and lose my precious soul for ever? I shall therefore plead guilty: not with a design to obtain the favour of man thereby: for I expect, I deserve none; but because I would not offend God, and grieve his Holy Spirit.”

A by-stander asked him, Whether he was willing to die?

He said, “When I consult with flesh and blood, it seems hard to leave the world in the bloom of my youth; but when I consider I am going to him whom my soul loves, then I long to be dissolved, and to be with Christ Jesus.”

This, with much more to the same import, he uttered, with a chearful countenance, and with such an humble, yet confident boldness, as filled all with admiration that heard him.

A Roman Catholic, being present, could not believe that it was possible for any one to know his sins were forgiven; but acknowledged he believed _Matthew_ to be a pious young man, and that if it was to be known here, he did know it.

A near relation being of the same opinion, as to the knowledge of the forgiveness of sins, he said, “Believe me, as I shortly expect to die, and look on myself as a dying man, I am positive God for Christ’s sake hath pardoned all my sins; and I am not afraid to face death, for death cannot hurt me.”

To some, he said, “My living in an alehouse exposed me to much evil company, and I was forced to hear much cursing and swearing, to which I myself was too much addicted. This with my living in uncleanness, made me forget God; so that God for my manifold sins, left me to commit the crime, for which I am justly to lose my life. But I have no cause to complain, since God hath made me repent, and see the evil of my ways in my chains: and glory be to his name, he hath set my soul at liberty. Oh! blessed be his name for his unspeakable goodness to me, so vile and wretched a sinner, for he hath enabled me to repent with a repentance not to be repented of. I formerly took great pleasure in committing sin, but now I hate the very thoughts of sin; and I really believe (by God’s grace) I could not commit a sin to gain a kingdom.”

After the person, by whom he was first convinced, had been with him, he cryed out, “Oh, that he could be with me always, then would my prison be a palace, and my confinement better than liberty!――*But, why do I want a man to be with me? Have I not the presence of God with me? Have I not communion with Jesus Christ? And that is more valuable than all the helps and conversation of poor sinful man.”

Being informed there was a minister belonging to the gaol, who would help him in his addresses to the Almighty God:

He answered, “Why don’t he then? Why don’t he come and instruct me? Why don’t he wrestle with God for me? I see no regard paid to the immortal souls of any that are confined here. They are running head-long to hell, and no one seeks to stop them. None prays with; none admonishes, reproves, exhorts them: but he that is filthy, is left to be filthy still. What! Have the prisoners in _Newgate_, immortal souls! And yet no one regardeth them? Are they so good as not to need reproof and admonition? Or are they so bad as to be past recovery? Who can tell, but by frequent, earnest and heart-searching preaching, God might reach some hellish sinner here, as he reached me in _Bridewell_? And shall the servants of the Most High God be forbid to preach in _Newgate_!――――What! forbid to preach to the servants of the devil!――――Servants of the devil, did I say? Devils incarnate; but yet they are not blacker than I: and the blood of Christ hath reached me, and the same blood can cleanse the most defiled and vilest sinner here.――――Lord, pity us in _Newgate_, and send some one to preach thy word; and do thou make it effectual to reach their hearts.”

When he was brought to the bar, he said but little; only pleaded guilty to the indictment: but when he received sentence of death, with an audible voice, he said, “Though I stand condemned at the bar of man, I shall be acquitted at the bar of God; for he hath forgiven me all my sins, and assured me of his glory.”

After his return back to prison, he was solid and serious, yet remarkably chearful: crying out “What a vile wretch am I; and yet God for his Son’s sake hath pardoned me, and I shall stand before his throne, and praise him for ever; for I am an heir of God, and a joint heir with Jesus Christ; a citizen of _Zion_, and a companion with saints and angels to all eternity: Oh, how do I long to die, that I may be with Jesus Christ, who is my lot and portion: Oh, the happiness I shall enjoy when I have left this clay! O, help me, sir, to glorify God: I do praise him; but shew me how to do it more and more, and more still: I cannot do it enough till I come to heaven, and I shall not do it enough then.――*Blessed be God for what I have experienced in these cells: these dark and dismal cells have been light and pleasant places to me; for I have had the prospect of eternal glory; and have seen that eternal glory reserved for _me_! Thither, thither, am I going: I have but one storm to endure, and I shall be in harbour for ever.”

One asked, “Whither he should not be glad of a reprieve, and whither he had not hopes of not being included in the dead warrant?”

He reply’d, “My flesh and blood desire life, but my soul longs to be where death shall be no more. Welcome life; and welcome death: if I am reprieved, I shall bless God; and if I am included in the dead warrant, I shall still praise and magnify his name.”

One inquiring “Whether he had any to make intercession for him?”

He replied, “I have no one on earth to intercede in my behalf: but I have one in the court of heaven, who hath interceeded for me, and obtained my pardon. My pardon is sealed above, and sealed with the broad seal of king Jesus; that shall abide to all eternity!――――Jesus is my friend, and he will prepare a place for me.”

The two persons that were condemned for murder seeing his seriousness, and the time he spent in singing and prayer; cursed him for “Making such-a-do, about nothing,” (as they termed it) and said to him, “Why, we shall only be hanged.”

“Only be hanged (says he) and is not that bad enough, to die in ones youth and vigour, such a shameful death?”

They answered, “Why, we must all die, one time or other; and now is as well as another time.”

“How can you (replied he) speak so carelessly about the most important thing in the world? But you forget.――――Death is not all: for after death there is a judgment and eternity! Indeed for my part I am easy; because I know I shall be happy: but I wonder you can be so easy, and your peace not made with God.――――Why you are on the brink of hell, and will be miserable for ever, if you die without repentance.”

Upon their laughing at what he said, he could not forbear weeping. He then turned away and said no more; but it had such an effect upon him, that he could not sleep all night, to think what an unhappy state they were in.

One of his fellow prisoners being asked, “Whether his peace was made with God, or whether he could say his sins were pardoned, as Mr. _Lee_ did?” He replied, “He hoped it was.” Mr. _Lee_ immediately said, “That is a sure sign your peace is not made with God; for, if it was, you would not only hope it was, but be sure of it; you would feel the effects of it; your soul would be warmed with love; you would love Jesus Christ, and long to be with him?”

The two prisoners that died with him, asked him to eat with them. He answered, “No――What, must we eat to grow fat for the grave? Our thoughts had need to be engaged about other things, than in filling and pleasing the flesh.”――They answered, “If we think so much, it will make us mad.”――“What (said he) are you afraid of being mad by repenting of your sins? You have more need of being afraid of going to hell for the committing of them: if we had not all been mad, we had not committed those things that brought us here. And I am sure we shall be madder still, if before we have lost our bodies, we take no heed to save our souls.”――――“Ay! But (says one of them) we shall some, if not all of us, get off, for the dead warrant is not come down yet.”――――“What then (said he) if the dead warrant saves any of our bodies, it does not save our souls. We have need to be thoughtful about death, and to seek to have our peace made with God, if we escape death at ♦this time.”

♦ “his” replaced with “this” per Errata

One of the prisoners said, “Can you now forgive your prosecutor?”――“As I am a dying man (said he) I love all mankind, my prosecutor and all, as I love my own soul; I do not know any person, not even the greatest enemy I have or ever had, but whom I as heartily love, as I do myself; and I can pray for them as readily as I can for my greatest friends.”

The night before the dead warrant came down, he was filled with more joy than usual, and said, “Now the Lord is smiling upon me; now he is speaking comfort to my soul; now, now, I find nothing shall separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus: O how does the Father of mercies manifest his love to me, and make me to taste of the joys of heaven before I come there: now my heart feels what my mouth cannot utter: *he hath made darkness light before me; my dark cell, and my dark soul, is full of the glory of the Lord; I am as full as my poor soul can contain of the divine presence: and if the foretastes of glory are so great, What must heaven itself be? God hath opened my eyes to behold his glory, and my soul is dazled with the sight of it.”

When the dead warrant came, and he was informed he was in it: “Blessed be God, (he said) I am not daunted: I receive the account with joy: and had it been to have died immediately, it would not have surprized me; for I am ready for it.――Lord, thou knowest I am waiting for thy salvation; and must I stay still _Wednesday_ before I am with thee? Why must my longing soul be kept from thee till then?――――But it is thy will, and I am content to wait till thou shalt take me for ever unto thyself.――――O what a blessed day will that be to my soul, when it will be separated from its body, to be with Christ for ever! Death, do thy worst; thou canst not hurt me; for thy sting is taken away, and thou canst but carry me to glory; to the glory prepared for me.――――Lord, into thy arms I will throw myself. Lord, I come, I come; I long to come to thee; I resign myself to thee, and I depend for salvation only on thee, my dear Lord Jesus Christ; thou art my Saviour; thou art my God, and thou wilt be mine for ever, and ever. Thou hast forgiven me, and by thy grace I forgive all my enemies. O that they may all be saved, and brought to live with thee in thy glory.――――O who could have thought there had been so much sweetness at the bottom of this bitter cup?――――O _Walton_, _Walton_; turn unto God, before it is too late: let my death be the means of making thee leave thy evil ways: and may God change thy heart, and forgive thee, as he hath forgiven me.”

“Oh (said he) I find more solid joy and comfort in death than ever I found in all the pleasures of life. Oh, that my relations would not weep for me: it grieves me to see them grieve. Oh, that they may speedily turn to God, and then, though we part here in sorrow, we shall meet hereafter in joy; never, never to part again.――Now, my God, I can sing of thy salvation: my tongue shall sing of thy righteousness: and shortly shall I be, where I shall sing praises, without ceasing, for ever.――What will my friends weep when I am thus to be employed! O let them learn to follow me; not to follow me in sin, to prison, or to a gallows; but follow me to Christ Jesus.――O that they would attend to the voice of a dying man, and cry to God for his grace, that they may break off their sins by repentance, and lay hold of Christ by faith, for everlasting life and salvation. Beg of God a broken spirit; since a broken and contrite heart, God will not despise.”

The night before his execution, he spent in prayer and praise, and was heard to say, “Lord my time is short here, let me not fear in my last moments: give me courage to face death: let me not be afraid of its terrors: let thy grace fill me with consolation: and let me go off the stage of life, testifying what thou hast done for my soul. May I declare thy pardoning grace to me. To thee, O Lord, do I fly for succour. To thee I come with a Saviour in my arms; and, if I perish, it shall be crying out, God _be merciful to me a sinner_! If thou hurlest me down to hell, I will keep my hold on Christ Jesus, and I will not let him go till thou dost bless me.”

Praying with a friend (he said) Lord strengthen my faith in my dying moments, that I may not dishonour thee by the fear of death, but enable me to bear a testimony to thy pardoning grace. May I die in the full assurance of faith, and leave a testimony of the freeness of thy grace, and of thy readiness to pardon the chief of sinners.

The morning of his execution, when his fetters were knocked off, he pulled off his hat, and with great seriousness, blessed God that had vouchsafed him his presence, and prayed for the increase and strength of grace to hold out to the end.

*The person who was taking off his irons said, “He was afraid he should hurt him.” “Oh, fear not, said he, nothing can hurt me here, and I shall shortly be where nothing shall hurt me to all eternity.”

When the ordinary of _Newgate_ asked him, “if his peace was made with God?” He answered, “Yea, I know my peace is made with God, and that God, for Christ’s sake hath pardoned all my sins.”

As he was going to execution, he seemed full of prayer and praise; his countenance chearful, and his deportment serious and solid. In _Tyburn Road_, a gentleman begged leave that the cart might be stopped, for two young women to speak to him.

To one of them he said, “My dear _Nanny_, don’t fret for me, for I am going to heaven: look up with an eye of faith, and you will see the holy angels waiting to be my convoy. My Lord Jesus is calling me, and I shall shortly be with him in paradise.”

When he came to _Tyburn_, and saw among the spectators, the instrument, under God, of his conversion, he called out to him.

“Now I know you and I shall soon meet together in glory. I am going thither, and I know you shall soon follow after. I know that I have been a vile sinner, undeserving the mercy of God: but I know also that God, for Christ’s sake, hath pardoned all my sins. Oh, this is a happy time indeed! Blessed be God I am not afraid to die. Now I experience what you so often told me about the children of God’s triumphing over the fears of death.”――――Then with a smile he said, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; the strength of sin is the law. But blessed be God, who hath given me the victory over sin, and over death, through our Lord Jesus Christ.――Surely God’s mercies are unbounded: they extend to the chief of sinners: for since the grace of God hath reached me, what room is there for the vilest sinner to despair of pardon?”

The last words he was heard to speak, was to a near relation. “My dear, don’t vex yourself for me; for I shall be in heaven in two or three minutes.” Prayers being ended, he committed his spirit into the hands of God, with a chearful countenance, being in the 20th year of his age.

His body was taken care of by his friends, and on the _Sunday_ following, was decently interred in _Tindall_’s burial ground.――Mr. _H._ and another friend, performed the last office of prayer and praise over his grave, before a great concourse of people; where we must leave him to rest till the morning of the resurrection, when his body, sown in dishonour, shall be raised in glory.

An EXTRACT
Of the LIFE and DEATH of
Mr. JOHN JANEWAY.