Chapter XXV: Nireus. Thersites. Menippus

_Ni_. Here we are; Menippus shall award the palm of beauty. Menippus, am I not better-looking than he?

_Me_. Well, who are you? I must know that first, mustn't I?

_Ni_. Nireus and Thersites.

_Me_. Which is which? I cannot tell that yet.

_Ther_. One to me; I am like you; you have no such superiority as Homer (blind, by the way) gave you when he called you the handsomest of men; he might peak my head and thin my hair, our judge finds me none the worse. Now, Menippus, make up your mind which is handsomer.

_Ni_. I, of course, I, the son of Aglaia and Charopus,

Comeliest of all that came 'neath Trojan walls.

_Me_. But not comeliest of all that come 'neath the earth, as far as I know. Your bones are much like other people's; and the only difference between your two skulls is that yours would not take much to stove it in. It is a tender article, something short of masculine.

_Ni_. Ask Homer what I was, when I sailed with the Achaeans.

_Me_. Dreams, dreams. I am looking at what you are; what you were is ancient history.

_Ni_. Am I not handsomer here, Menippus?

_Me_. You are not handsome at all, nor any one else either. Hades is a democracy; one man is as good as another here.

_Ther_. And a very tolerable arrangement too, if you ask me.

H.