Chapter XXIII

Negotiations had begun towards another field of work, which were completed by November. In the meantime, Juno had agreed to storing what things we thought we might individually want in the future and selling the rest at auction. This I attended to with dispatch, as it was heartbreaking to see the home broken up in that way.

I then took up a work in which I had the opportunity to satisfy the great mother love which I had ever had in my nature. I was given charge of a large country home about forty miles from New York which was owned by one of the richest churches in the city and used for a fresh air and convalescent home for the people connected with the East Side mission belonging to that church. My whole heart went into the work.

From being a pest in the town, the children, the church, and all connected with it being detested and despised by all the town people, I soon made it loved by all. It became a real social center and I was told the change was no less than miraculous. I created an atmosphere of love and I ruled all by that one greatest ruler—the love that passeth all understanding. I grew to know more and more that the thing called love in a human relationship simply had no meaning. When the separation is made between love and physical passion, the better for the peace and happiness of mankind.

Here in this home I had the opportunity to study children from every angle with both eyes open. I was able to detect the abnormally sexually developed little one; the masturbator, male and female; the so-called invert, and I was able to help them meet their problems in a sane way. The reason I was able to do this was that I was able to detect them in the very act. Not that I was snooping, but I had been a past master at trying to deceive, and I knew it was the only way by which I could reason with them.

A parent is rarely able to find these things out for himself because he thinks _his_ child would not be guilty. And if he did discover any act of the kind, all he would know how to do would be to beat the child, and in their hearts parents well knew that that would be no solution.

Before I left the little town in Connecticut I promised the young friend that if there should be an opening for her in my work I would send for her. The first summer the opening came, and she was my assistant. I had as other helpers two young men from the South, graduates of a southern university. Both of these lads fell in love with my girl. She had a hard time deciding which she would accept, as they both were attractive. During a very hard thunder storm when she was protected by the strong arms of one of these men, the momentous question was decided and they eventually married. Now they have a dear little family and will live happily ever after.

In my contact with the children at the home, I found to my surprise that even when they were young enough to take naps in the afternoon they were conscious of sex.

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I read many books on adolescence but I found most of them dealing in generalities, while my knowledge has been gained by actual experience.

I think some of the children believed that I possessed some occult power to see through walls and around corners. I would often walk in upon them in the midst of their sexual parties, and after they got over their surprise that they were not to have a beating I would sit quietly and talk with them, so gaining their confidence. I let them see that they had a problem to solve and that I wanted to work _with_ them and not against them.

I met with some obstacles, however, in resisting methods advised by the spiritual heads of the church under which this work was being carried on. I will give an instance. One young boy was sent up to me whose sister had recently passed on with consumption, or “con,” as it was termed by the children. It was feared that this boy was going the same way, but it had not as yet developed. The moment I saw the lad, I knew what was the matter with him and what it was that was breaking down his constitution. I watched him for some time to determine what his methods were. I discovered that he was involving other children in his practices.

For two days I kept my eyes on this group, not letting them know that I was doing so. Yet how that boy watched me! I then figured out the most retired spot on the grounds and watched that spot from the house. After trailing all about the grounds to see that I was nowhere in sight, sure enough, there they came, innocently sauntering along picking a flower here and there as though that was their errand. Finally they disappeared behind the little house, which was at the time unoccupied. I slipped quickly out, arrived on the scene and interrupted them.

The big boy waited for me while I took the youngsters to their rooms where I talked to them and found that they had been bribed with candy. I talked to them about the serious nature of what they had been doing and received their promises never to indulge in such activities again.

I then returned to the poor “con” boy. I showed him that he was bringing the much dreaded disease upon himself, for his family had led him to believe that he had the same trouble as had his sister and would go the same way. He had loved his only sister deeply and had grieved with the parents for her. I was able, through that affection, to appeal to him and to convince him that if he wanted to cure himself of the habit which was to bring him into consumption I would be only too glad to help him. I told him that I knew that if he wanted to keep on with that practice no one could ever prevent it. I told him if he would come to me whenever he was tempted I would read to him some wonderful story or tell him one, a thing he loved, as did all of the children, or we would do something which would make him forget those awful feelings which came to him. I made him feel what a wonderful fight it would be if he could stand up like a little man and meet that enemy face to face in a mighty battle and kill him dead. I knew there was real boy down underneath that weakened body and that a “real fight” would appeal to him.

All fear of beatings was put out of his mind, and the wonderful way this method was working was most gratifying. When he would come to me and ask if I were too busy to tell him a story, I knew and he knew, but nothing was said and the story was forthcoming. We were fighting the fight.

Of course, the news of the peril they had been in and their discovery and my treatment went out among the other boys from the youngsters, which I felt was a good thing. In time the events came to the ears of the powers that be in the city, and I was summoned to appear before the board, in the office of the Rector in the great church. The young Rector met me before I went in to the meeting and asked me to go into the church to see the $40,000 alterations which had just been completed. Magnificent, to be sure! When we were alone he referred to the case in hand and asked if I really detected the thing which had come to the ears of the board. I said I had. He then said “You know, Mrs. —, that boy should have been sent away at once and put out of the home and the mission. We can’t have a boy like that in our charity work.”

My blood boiled! I turned and looked him right in the eye and said: “Dr. —, do you really believe that would have been Christ’s method?” His face burned crimson and he had no word of answer. He limply said, “You will find it to be the wish of the board”; he might have added he was the rector of that rich church and must cater to those dollars.

I went into that meeting filled with rage, well under control, however, followed by the rector, face still red—worshipped by all of those dear old maids, and a few married ones. He well knew he was despised by me. Argument was of no use in the midst of such sanctity.

I tried to show them the fight that boy was making, but they would not listen. The subject was dismissed with the command that the boy be sent home and the words, “You know, Mrs. —, you love children so much you do not realize the menace such a boy is in our work.”

I looked at them all in pity and left them to save souls in their gilded sepulcher, while I went back to try to clean up the bodies of the poor children whose weaknesses were entirely misunderstood.

That poor boy was sent home. It almost broke his heart as it did mine. Everyone had to acknowledge that he was in much better health, but attributed it to the wonderful advantage of being in the country in that beautiful home! The mother of the boy was violent in her protests against me, as she said it was all a lie on my part, as her boy had told her he never did that thing. Poor, poor boy! He was afraid of those awful beatings. Physically afraid of telling his mother the truth. The greatest trouble with our children today.

This will indicate the methods I was following to drown the great sorrow of my life. I did good work. Those children all loved me as did their parents, with that one exception. My methods were approved and I really loved the work.