Chapter L: Footnote 1: Swift

[Footnote 2: In his 'Principia', published 1687, Newton says this to show that the nuclei of Comets must consist of solid matter.]

[Footnote 3: a]

[Footnote 4: a whole]

* * * * *

No. 102. Wednesday, June 27, 1711. Addison.

'... Lusus animo debent aliquando dari,
Ad cogitandum melior ut redeat sibi.'

Phædr.

I do not know whether to call the following Letter a Satyr upon Coquets, or a Representation of their several fantastical Accomplishments, or what other Title to give it; but as it is I shall communicate it to the Publick. It will sufficiently explain its own Intentions, so that I shall give it my Reader at Length, without either Preface or Postscript.

_Mr._ SPECTATOR,

'Women are armed with Fans as Men with Swords, and sometimes do more
Execution with them. To the end therefore that Ladies may be entire
Mistresses of the Weapon which they bear, I have erected an Academy
for the training up of young Women in the _Exercise of the Fan_,
according to the most fashionable Airs and Motions that are now
practis'd at Court. The Ladies who _carry_ Fans under me are drawn up
twice a-day in my great Hall, where they are instructed in the Use of
their Arms, and _exercised_ by the following Words of Command,

_Handle your Fans,
Unfurl your fans.
Discharge your Fans,
Ground your Fans,
Recover your Fans,
Flutter your Fans._

By the right Observation of these few plain Words of Command, a Woman
of a tolerable Genius, [who [1]] will apply herself diligently to her
Exercise for the Space of but one half Year, shall be able to give her
Fan all the Graces that can possibly enter into that little modish
Machine.

But to the end that my Readers may form to themselves a right Notion
of this _Exercise_, I beg leave to explain it to them in all its
Parts. When my Female Regiment is drawn up in Array, with every one
her Weapon in her Hand, upon my giving the Word to _handle their
Fans_, each of them shakes her Fan at me with a Smile, then gives her
Right-hand Woman a Tap upon the Shoulder, then presses her Lips with
the Extremity of her Fan, then lets her Arms fall in an easy Motion,
and stands in a Readiness to receive the next Word of Command. All
this is done with a close Fan, and is generally learned in the first
Week.

The next Motion is that of _unfurling the Fan_, in which [are [2]]
comprehended several little Flirts and Vibrations, as also gradual and
deliberate Openings, with many voluntary Fallings asunder in the Fan
itself, that are seldom learned under a Month's Practice. This Part of
the _Exercise_ pleases the Spectators more than any other, as it
discovers on a sudden an infinite Number of _Cupids_, [Garlands,]
Altars, Birds, Beasts, Rainbows, and the like agreeable Figures, that
display themselves to View, whilst every one in the Regiment holds a
Picture in her Hand.

Upon my giving the Word to _discharge their Fans_, they give one
general Crack that may be heard at a considerable distance when the
Wind sits fair. This is one of the most difficult Parts of the
_Exercise_; but I have several Ladies with me, who at their first
Entrance could not give a Pop loud enough to be heard at the further
end of a Room, who can now _discharge a Fan_ in such a manner, that it
shall make a Report like a Pocket-Pistol. I have likewise taken care
(in order to hinder young Women from letting off their Fans in wrong
Places or unsuitable Occasions) to shew upon what Subject the Crack of
a Fan may come in properly: I have likewise invented a Fan, with which
a Girl of Sixteen, by the help of a little Wind which is inclosed
about one of the largest Sticks, can make as loud a Crack as a Woman
of Fifty with an ordinary Fan.

When the Fans are thus _discharged_, the Word of Command in course is
to _ground their Fans_. This teaches a Lady to quit her Fan gracefully
when she throws it aside in order to take up a Pack of Cards, adjust a
Curl of Hair, replace a falling Pin, or apply her self to any other
Matter of Importance. This Part of the _Exercise_, as it only consists
in tossing a Fan with an Air upon a long Table (which stands by for
that Purpose) may be learned in two Days Time as well as in a
Twelvemonth.

When my Female Regiment is thus disarmed, I generally let them walk
about the Room for some Time; when on a sudden (like Ladies that look
upon their Watches after a long Visit) they all of them hasten to
their Arms, catch them up in a Hurry, and place themselves in their
proper Stations upon my calling out _Recover your Fans_. This Part of
the _Exercise_ is not difficult, provided a Woman applies her Thoughts
to it.

The _Fluttering of the Fan_ is the last, and indeed the Master-piece
of the whole _Exercise_; but if a Lady does not mis-spend her Time,
she may make herself Mistress of it in three Months. I generally lay
aside the Dog-days and the hot Time of the Summer for the teaching
this Part of the _Exercise_; for as soon as ever I pronounce _Flutter
your Fans_, the Place is fill'd with so many Zephyrs and gentle
Breezes as are very refreshing in that Season of the Year, tho' they
might be dangerous to Ladies of a tender Constitution in any other.

There is an infinite Variety of Motions to be made use of in the
_Flutter of a Fan_. There is the angry Flutter, the modest Flutter,
the timorous Flutter, the confused Flutter, the merry Flutter, and the
amorous Flutter. Not to be tedious, there is scarce any Emotion in the
Mind [which [3]] does not produce a suitable Agitation in the Fan;
insomuch, that if I only see the Fan of a disciplin'd Lady, I know
very well whether she laughs, frowns, or blushes. I have seen a Fan so
very angry, that it would have been dangerous for the absent Lover
[who [3]] provoked it to have come within the Wind of it; and at other
times so very languishing, that I have been glad for the Lady's sake
the Lover was at a sufficient Distance from it. I need not add, that a
Fan is either a Prude or Coquet according to the Nature of the Person
[who [3]] bears it. To conclude my Letter, I must acquaint you that I
have from my own Observations compiled a little Treatise for the use
of my Scholars, entitled _The Passions of the Fan_; which I will
communicate to you, if you think it may be of use to the Publick. I
shall have a general Review on _Thursday_ next; to which you shall be
very welcome if you will honour it with your Presence. _I am_, &c.

_P. S._ I teach young Gentlemen the whole Art of Gallanting a Fan.'

_N. B._ I have several little plain Fans made for this Use, to avoid
Expence.'