Chapter IV: Part 4

"Oh, Louisa, that was a great mistake! You ought never to leave off watching and praying against your faults, for you can never be sure you have quite conquered, especially when a bad habit has been indulged as long as yours has been."

"But what shall I do now, mamma?" sobbed Louisa. "There is no use in my trying any more, now that I have killed poor Milly. I am afraid God will never forgive me."

"You must not think so, my poor child. I hope dear Milly may be spared to our prayers, but even if she is not, you must not despair of God's forgiveness. 'Though your sins be as scarlet they shall be white as snow.'"

"But, mamma, I have been wicked so long! And I have done wrong on purpose. I have always known it was wrong to waste my time so, and to indulge myself in everything I wanted to do, excusing myself by saying that it was only for a minute. I knew all the time it was wrong to leave Milly alone so long, and yet I did it because I wanted to look at the book."

"That is what I have always told you, Louisa—that you were indulging in wilful sin. Now that you are sensible of your fault, I shall have more hopes of you than ever before. Do not distrust God's mercy, whatever you do, for that in itself is a great sin, but humbly ask His forgiveness for Jesus Christ's sake. Ask that your sins may be washed away in His blood, and that you may have the help of the Holy Spirit to keep you from sinning again!"

"Do you think He really will hear me, mamma?"

"My dear, I have no more doubt of it than I have that I am alive," said her mother.

"But even if He does, that will not bring poor Milly to life again!" said Louisa, despairingly.

"Milly is not dead yet, my dear, and it may be that God will spare her in answer to our prayers. But even if He does not see fit to do so, it is no less your duty to ask His forgiveness and to trust in His mercy for the future. You must not throw away the rest of your life, because you have failed so far."

"Good news, good news, mamma! Good news, Louisa!" cried Anna, coming in a few days after, with a beaming face. "Cousin James has just been at the office to say that Milly is out of danger. The doctor says she will get well. And oh, Louis, Milly begs to see you all the time, and Cousin James wants you to comp out to L— this afternoon. He will meet you at the station."

Louisa looked at her mother, and then rising, she went into her own room and shut the door. She did not come out for an hour, and when she did, her eyes were red with crying, but her face was calm and happy.

"Oh, mamma!" she whispered, as she was going away, "I have always heard that God was good, but I never really felt it before!"

"We will say nothing about the past, Louisa," said Cousin James that night, as Louisa, with trembling words, began to speak of the cause of Milly's illness. "Let by-gones be by-gones; but let what has happened be a lesson to you all your life. God has kindly spared us our little darling, and saved you especially from a great sorrow. Show by your actions that you are sensible of His goodness."

"Indeed, Cousin James, I hope I shall do so," said Louisa, with tears. "I said this morning that if Milly only lived, I would try never even for a moment to do what I knew to be wrong."

"That is an excellent resolution, Louisa. But you must remember that you can never keep it in your own strength. You must constantly pray for the help of the Holy Spirit, and you must constantly and faithfully watch against the first beginning of temptation. You will no doubt find the bad habit all the harder to break off because you have indulged it so long; but you have every encouragement to persevere, and if you do so, I have no doubt you will, in time, become a useful Christian woman."