Chapter C: H a P. XLVI

WHEN the cataplasm was ready, a scruple of _decorum_ had unseasonably rose up in _Susannah_’s conscience, about holding the candle, whilst _Slop_ tied it on; _Slop_ had not treated _Susannah_’s distemper with anodynes,—and so a quarrel had ensued betwixt them.

——Oh! oh!——said _Slop_, casting a glance of undue freedom in _Susannah_’s face, as she declined the office;——then, I think I know you, madam——You know me, Sir! cried _Susannah_ fastidiously, and with a toss of her head, levelled evidently, not at his profession, but at the doctor himself,——you know me! cried _Susannah_ again.——Doctor _Slop_ clapped his finger and his thumb instantly upon his nostrils;——_Susannah_’s spleen was ready to burst at it;——’Tis false, said _Susannah._—Come, come, Mrs. Modesty, said _Slop_, not a little elated with the success of his last thrust,——If you won’t hold the candle, and look—you may hold it and shut your eyes:—That’s one of your popish shifts, cried _Susannah:_—’Tis better, said _Slop_, with a nod, than no shift at all, young woman;——I defy you, Sir, cried _Susannah_, pulling her shift sleeve below her elbow.

It was almost impossible for two persons to assist each other in a surgical case with a more splenetic cordiality.

_Slop_ snatched up the cataplasm——_Susannah_ snatched up the candle;——A little this way, said _Slop;_ _Susannah_ looking one way, and rowing another, instantly set fire to _Slop_’s wig, which being somewhat bushy and unctuous withal, was burnt out before it was well kindled.——You impudent whore! cried _Slop_,—(for what is passion, but a wild beast?)—you impudent whore, cried _Slop_, getting upright, with the cataplasm in his hand;——I never was the destruction of any body’s nose, said _Susannah_,—which is more than you can say:——Is it? cried _Slop_, throwing the cataplasm in her face;——Yes, it is, cried _Susannah_, returning the compliment with what was left in the pan.

C H A P. XLVII

DOCTOR _Slop_ and _Susannah_ filed cross-bills against each other in the parlour; which done, as the cataplasm had failed, they retired into the kitchen to prepare a fomentation for me;—and whilst that was doing, my father determined the point as you will read.