Chapter XXIV: A High Court of Justice

There was a loud, scuffling noise without, as of the trampling of many feet and the inarticulate growlings of wild beasts. Then Clupp entered the room, clasping in his mighty arms the long body of Master Paul Hungerford. He was followed by Garlinge, who was performing the like embracive office for the short body of Master Peter Rainham. The two angry gentlemen plunged and struggled impotently to free themselves from their guardians and hurl themselves at each other's throats. They might as well have tried to free themselves from clamps of iron. To the master-muscled Garlinge and Clupp--a strong Gyas, a strong Cloanthes, no less--they were no more difficult to restrain than would have been a brace of puling babes. Even their speech was not free to make amends for their captivity, for they were so brimful of choler and had so roared and shrieked their rage ere this that the torrent of their fury spent itself in vacant mouthings and splutterings. Sir Blaise eyed the brawlers with exceeding disfavor.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen," he entreated, "be calm, I beg of you."

At the sound of his voice the disputants found theirs, or rather found themselves restored to command over human speech. Each turned towards Sir Blaise, swaying over the clasped arms of his captor.

"Sir Blaise," screamed Master Paul, "in the King's name I call upon you to commit this thief to jail."

"Set that footpad in the pillory, Sir Blaise," yelled Master Peter. Then they turned upon each other again.

"You rogue," cried Master Paul.

"You rascal," answered Master Peter.

In a second they were again struggling to get at each other, and were, as before, imperturbably held asunder by Garlinge and Clupp.

Again Sir Blaise protested.

"Good friends, be calm, I entreat you."

"I'll cut his heart out," Peter vociferated, stabbing a dirty hand in the direction of his enemy.

"I'll make him mincemeat," Paul promised, sawing at the air.

Sir Blaise, turning away in disgust, saw how in the garden Brilliana was making for the house. He frowned on the malcontents.

"Hush, here comes the lady."

Even as he spoke Brilliana entered from the garden, followed by Evander and Halfman. The girl looked as bright as sunlight as she greeted the company.

"Good-morning, Sir Blaise; good-morning, my masters."

Then she burst out laughing at the furious faces and helpless gesticulations of the irate claimants. Her laughter was very delightful for most men to hear, but it goaded the squires to frenzy.

"Sir Blaise," cried Master Paul, "I call you to witness that the lady laughs at us."

"Sir Blaise," cried Master Peter, "there stands our undoing." Brilliana frowned a little and turned to Halfman.

"Friend," she said, "will you see order here."

"Very blithely," Halfman answered. He commanded the servants.

"You, Garlinge and Clupp, see that your prisoners keep silence."

Master Paul and Master Peter began to protest in chorus.

"We are no prison--" But they got no further, for Garlinge and Clupp silenced them by clapping huge hands over their gaping mouths. Brilliana gave a little sigh of relief at the welcome quiet.

"Now, Sir Blaise," she asked, "why are these gentlemen here?"

Sir Blaise made salutation and answered, "Truly, most paradisiacal lady, these gentlemen make grave allegations that you did insidiously incite them to the commission of a felony."

Brilliana looked from Sir Blaise to the muffled, grappled plaintiffs and made mirthful decision.

"I represent the King here. I will try this matter."

Blaise felt bound to lodge protest against this monstrous proposition.

"Perhaps, most Elysian of fair ladies, it would be, as one might say, more seemly if I, as a justice of the peace--"

Brilliana daffed him down.

"Sir Blaise, we are at war now, and by your leave I will handle this matter after my own fashion."

"I must protest," Blaise bleated, but Brilliana would not listen to him.

"You must do nothing," she insisted, "but help me to set chairs. One here for me, one there for you, my brother justice; one there for Captain Cloud, who, as a stranger of distinction, shall have a seat on the bench."

"I thank you for the honor," said Evander, watching the scene with much entertainment. As Brilliana talked she, with Blaise and Halfman, had been busy placing seats as she directed at the table.

"Captain Halfman," Brilliana went on, "you write a clerkly hand. Sit you here; you shall be our clerk. Arraign the prisoners."

By this time all were seated as Brilliana had disposed; Sir Blaise had completely surrendered his dignity to her spell. Even Halfman found pleasure in the grotesque sham trial.

Garlinge and Clupp brought their charges down to face the newly formed tribunal. Halfman spoke.

"Here, my lady, we have two hobs who have come to loggerheads as to which is best disposed to the King. Garlinge, let Master Hungerford speak." Garlinge removed his massive hand from his prisoner's mouth, and Paul, after gaping like a fish for some seconds, gasped out,

"Lady, you know well enough how you have befooled us."

Brilliana stared upon him, bewitchingly unembarrassed by the charge.

"Manners, master," cried Halfman, angrily, "or I'll manner you."

Brilliana daintily deprecated his heat.

"Wait, wait," she said. "First of all, are you a loyal subject of the King?"

Master Paul rubbed his chin dubiously. "That is as it may be," he muttered.

Brilliana tapped the table. "Faint hesitation is flat treason," she cried. Turning to Halfman, she commanded, "Write him down for a confessed Roundhead."

Master Paul clawed towards her excitedly.

"No, no; pray you not so fast," he entreated. "I am a good King's man."

Brilliana condescended approval.

"He amends his plea," she noted to Halfman. Master Paul went on, fractiously,

"But that does not make me love to be plundered."

Brilliana rose and, resting the tips of her fingers on the table, addressed Master Hungerford sternly.

"Master Hungerford, one of two things. Either you are a Roundhead, in which case you have no rights in loyal, royal Oxfordshire--say I not well, Sir Blaise?"

"Marvellous well," Sir Blaise assented.

"Ergo," Brilliana continued, "having no rights you have no goods, having no goods you cannot be plundered."

"Yet I was plundered," Master Paul protested. Brilliana exorcised the plea.

"We shall convince you to the contrary. If you are no Roundhead then you are a stanch Cavalier, and in the King's name you confiscated certain gear of your fellow-prisoner."

Now, while Paul was being interrogated Clupp had removed his hand from Master Peter's mouth and contented himself with holding him fast. Master Peter now saw an opportunity to assert himself.

"I am not a prison--" he began, but was not suffered to speak further. Instantly Clupp's palm closed again upon the parted jaws and reduced him to silence once more, while Brilliana went on.

"In doing which you deserved well of his Majesty."

"Ay, all was well so far," Master Paul grumbled; "but he played the like trick upon me at your instigation."

Brilliana would not hear of it.

"You misuse speech. 'Tis no trick to serve the King. As I understand, each of you accuses the other of robbing him."

Master Paul agreed. Master Peter, gagged behind Clupp's hand, nodded dismally. Brilliana went on.

"This is at first blush a dilemma, but our wit makes all clear. Each of you, avowedly in the King's name, did descend upon the dwelling of a disaffected rebel and make certain seizures there which have been duly sent to his Majesty. Each of you is, therefore, proved to be a loyal subject and honorable gentleman. So far you are with me, Sir Blaise?"

"Surely, surely," the knight agreed.

"Yet, on the other hand," continued Brilliana, "each of you accuses the other of robbing him. Now to rob is to offend against the King's law, to be, therefore, an enemy to the King; and an enemy to the King is a Roundhead. Is not this well argued, Sir Blaise?"

"Socrates could not have bettered it," commended Sir Blaise.

"We arrive, therefore, at the strange conclusion," said Brilliana, judicially, "that each of you is at the same time an honest Cavalier and a dishonest Roundhead. Now, as no man living can be in the same breath Cavalier and Roundhead, it follows as plainly as B follows A that whichever one of you complains of the other is avowedly the King's enemy and a palpable rebel."

Master Paul scratched his head.

"I do not follow your reasoning," he mumbled. Brilliana appealed to the justice of the peace.

"Yet it is very clear. Is it not, Sir Blaise?"

"Limpidity itself," Sir Blaise approved, complacently. Brilliana resumed.

"One or other of you is a traitor and shall be sent to Oxford in chains, to await the King's pleasure and his own pain. I care not which it be."

"You have set me in such a quandary," Master Paul protested, "my head buzzes like a hive."

Brilliana directly questioned him.

"You, Master Hungerford, are you a King's man?"

Master Paul was vehement in asseveration.

"I am a King's man, hook and eye."

"Then," Brilliana assumed, "'tis Master Rainham must fare in chains to Oxford."

Master Rainham, staring at her over Clupp's paw, had such appealing terror in his eyes that Brilliana pitied him.

"'Tis your turn now," she said. "Let him give tongue, Clupp."

Clupp withdrew his hand and Master Rainham gurgled:

"I proclaim myself a faithful subject of the King. Let that dog trot to Oxford."

"You matchless basilisk!" screamed Master Paul at him, and "You damnable mandrake!" retorted Master Peter. The pair would have flown at each other if they could have wriggled free. But as they could not they perforce resigned themselves to hear what Brilliana would say next.

"Why, then, it stands thus," Brilliana summed up. "This court decides that you are both servants of the King; that you have both done the King good service, willing and yet unwilling. I think I shall have some little credit with the King, and I shall use it with his Majesty by entreating him to grant the grace of knighthood to two honest friends of mine and two honest lovers of his--Master Hungerford and Master Rainham."

Master Paul looked at Master Peter; Master Peter looked at Master Paul. Master Paul smiled. Master Peter smiled.

"A knighthood!"

Master Peter mumbled the word lovingly. Master Paul blew a kiss towards Brilliana.

"Then I shall be indeed your knight," he simpered.

"Are you content?" Brilliana asked, gravely, and the two squires answered in union,

"We are content."

"Then this worshipful court adjourns sine die. Captain Halfman, see that our friends be refreshed ere they depart."

Halfman rose, and with a "Follow me, sirs," made for the door. Sir Blaise stooped over Brilliana's finger-tips.

"Farewell, my lady wisdom. Solomon was not more wise nor Minos more sapient."

"I thought you would uphold me," Brilliana replied. "Farewell."

Sir Blaise saluted Evander, who returned the salutation and quitted the room. Master Paul, taking leave of Brilliana, whispered,

"When I am knight, you shall be my lady."

"When you are king, diddle-diddle, I shall be queen," Brilliana laughed at him, making a reverence. He joined Halfman at the door and Master Peter approached Brilliana.

"When I wear my new title, I will lay it at your feet," he promised, solemnly.

"Can you not keep it in your own hands?" Brilliana questioned. She made him a reverence, he made her his best bow and went to the door, where Master Paul waited with Halfman. Here a point of ceremony arose.

"After you, Sir Peter," Master Paul suggested. Master Peter fondled the title.

"Sir Peter! It sounds nobly. Nay, after you, Sir Paul," he protested. They were at this business so long that Halfman lost patience.

"Stand not on the order of your going," he growled between his teeth, then grasping with an air of bluff good-fellowship an arm of either squire, he banged them somewhat roughly together.

"Nay, arm in arm, as neighbor knights should," he suggested, and so jostled them out of the chamber and conducted them to the buttery, where for the next hour he diverted himself by making them very drunk indeed.