Chapter XXIII: Book XVIII

_The fight between Ulysses and Irus--The suitors make
presents to Penelope--and ill-treat Ulysses_.

Now there came a common tramp to Ulysses' house,
begging--a great hulking fellow with no stay in
him--whose name was Arnæus; but people called him Irus,
because he would run errands for any one who would send
him on them. This man began to threaten Ulysses, and said
the suitors had urged him to turn him away from the house.

Ulysses said there was room enough for both of them, and 14
that it should be a case of live-and-let-live between
them. "If, however," he continued, "it comes to blows, I
will deluge your mouth and chest with blood, and I shall
have the place to myself, for you will not come back
again."

Irus retorted angrily, and Antinous, hearing them 34
wrangle, told the other suitors that Irus and the
stranger were about to have a fight. "It is the finest
piece of sport," he said, "that heaven ever sent into
this house. We are to have goat's paunches stuffed with
blood and fat for supper; whichever of the two beats in
this fight shall have his pick of the lot of them."

The preliminaries being arranged, and fair play bargained 58
for by Ulysses, he began to strip. When Irus saw his
muscles his heart misgave him; but Antinous kept him up
to it, and the fight began.[32] Ulysses forthwith nearly
killed Irus and dragged him by the heels into the outer
court, where he put his staff in his hand and propped him
up against the wall more dead than alive. Antinous then
gave Ulysses a great goat's paunch, and Amphinomus drank
his health.

Ulysses made Amphinomus a very grave and impressive 124
speech, warning him to leave the house, inasmuch as
Ulysses would return shortly. "You seem," said he, "to
be a man of good understanding, as indeed you may well
be, seeing whose son you are. I have heard your father
well spoken of; he is Nisus of Dulichium, a man both
brave and wealthy. They tell me you are his son and you
seem to be a considerable person; listen, therefore, and
take heed to what I am saying. Man is the vainest of all
creatures that live and move upon the earth: as long as
heaven vouchsafes him health and strength he thinks that
he shall come to no harm hereafter, and even when the
blessed gods bring sorrow upon him, he bears it as he
needs must and makes the best of it, for God Almighty
gives men their daily minds day by day. I know all about
it, for I was a rich man once, and did much wrong in the
stubbornness of my pride and in the confidence that my
father and my brothers would support me; therefore let
a man fear God in all things always, and take the good
that heaven may see fit to send him without vainglory."
But Amphinomus, though his heart boded ill, would not be
persuaded.

Minerva then put it in Penelope's mind to get some 158
presents out of the suitors. "I hate them," said she to
Eurynome, "but still for once in a way I will see them; I
want to warn my son against them."

"Certainly, my dear child," answered Eurynome, "but you 169
must wash your face first. You cannot be seen with the
stain of tears upon your cheeks."

"Eurynome," replied her mistress, "do not try to persuade 177
me. Heaven robbed me of all my beauty on the day when my
husband sailed for Troy; but send Autonoë and Hippodamia
to attend me, for I cannot think of seeing the suitors
unattended." The old woman then went through the house
to fetch the women; and as soon as she was gone, Minerva
sent Penelope into a deep sleep during which she endowed
her with the most dazzling beauty, washing her face with
the ambrosial loveliness which Venus wears when she goes
out dancing with the Graces, and giving her a statelier
and more imposing presence. When the two maids came,
the noise of their coming woke her. "What a delicious
sleep," she exclaimed, "has overshadowed me. Would that
it had been the sleep of death, which had thus ended all
my sorrows."

She then went down stairs, and the suitors were dazzled 206
with her beauty. She began by upbraiding Telemachus
for having allowed the fight to take place. Telemachus
admitted his fault, but pleaded the extreme difficulty
of his situation and the fact that after all Ulysses had
thrashed Irus.

Enrymachus broke in upon their conversation by telling 243
Penelope how very beautiful she was; and Penelope
answered that heaven had robbed her of all her beauty on
the day when her husband sailed for Troy. "Moreover," she
added, "I have another great sorrow--you suitors are not
wooing me in the usual way. When men are suing for the
hand of one who they think will make them a good wife,
they generally bring oxen and sheep for her relations to
feast upon, and make rich presents to the lady herself,
instead of sponging upon other people's property."

When Ulysses heard her say this, he was delighted at 281
seeing his wife trying to get presents out of the
suitors, and hoodwinking them.

Then Antinous said, "Penelope, take all the presents 284
you can get, but we will not go till you have married
the best man among us." On this they all made Penelope
magnificent presents, and she went back to her own room,
followed by the women, who carried the presents for her.

The suitors now turned to singing and dancing, lighted 304
by large braziers that were placed in the court,[33] 307
and also by torches, which the maids held up by turns.
Ulysses after a while told them to go inside, saying that
he would hold the torches himself. The maids laughed at 317
this, and Melantho, who was one of them, began to gibe
at him. She was daughter to Dolius but Penelope had
brought her up from childhood, and used to give her toys;
she showed no consideration, however, for Penelope's
sorrows, but misconducted herself with Eurymachus. "Are
you drunk?" she said to Ulysses, "or are you always like
this?"

Ulysses scowled at her, and said he would tell 337
Telemachus, who would have her cut up into mincemeat.
The women, therefore, were frightened and went away, so
Ulysses was left holding up the flaming torches--looking
upon all the suitors and brooding over his revenge.

Presently Eurymachus began to jeer at him, and taunt 346
him by saying he preferred begging to working. Ulysses
answered, "If you and I, Eurymachus, were matched one
against the other in early summer, when the days are
at their longest--give us each a good scythe, and see
whether you or I will mow the stronger or fast the
longer, from dawn till dark when the mowing grass is
about. Or let us be in a four acre field with a couple
of tawny full fed oxen each, and see which of us can
drive the straighter furrow. Again, let war break out
this day--give me armour and you will find me fighting
among the foremost. You are insolent and cruel, and think
yourself a great man because you live in a little world,
and that a bad one."

Eurymachus was furious, and seized a stool; but Ulysses 394
sat down by the knees of Amphinomus of Dulichium, for
he was afraid; the stool hit the cupbearer and knocked
him down, whereon there was a general uproar, amid which
Telemachus said that he would compel no man, but he
thought it would be better if they would all go home to
bed. To this they assented, and shortly afterwards left
the house.