Chapter I: Part 1

THE AGE OF SCIENCE.
_A NEWSPAPER OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY._

BY
MERLIN NOSTRADAMUS.

“Forerun thy time, thy peers, and let
Thy feet, milleniums hence, be set
In midst of knowledge dreamed not yet:

· · · · ·

Thou hast not gained a real height,
Nor art thou nearer to the light.”
_Two Voices._

_LONDON_:
WARD, LOCK, AND TYLER,
WARWICK HOUSE, PATERNOSTER ROW.

LONDON:
PRINTED BY J. OGDEN AND CO.,
172, ST. JOHN STREET, E.C.

THE AGE OF SCIENCE

The greatest discovery ever achieved by man is beyond all question that which it is now our privilege to announce, namely, that of the new PROSPECTIVE TELEGRAPH. By this truly wonderful invention (exquisitely simple in its machinery, yet of surpassing power) the obstacle of _Time_ is as effectually conquered as that of _Space_ has been for the last generation by the Electric Telegraph; and future years—even, it is anticipated, future centuries—will be made to respond to our call as promptly and completely as do now the uttermost parts of the earth wherewith the magic wire has placed us in communication.

For obvious reasons the particulars of this most marvellous invention, and the name of its author, must be withheld from the public till the patents be made out, and the enormous profits which must accrue from its application be secured to the Company which is invited to undertake to work it (with limited liability). We are only permitted by special favour to hint that the natural Force relied on to set the machinery in action is neither Electric, Magnetic, nor Galvanic; nor yet any combination of these; but that other great correlated imponderable agency, whose existence has been for some time suspected by many intelligent inquirers, called the _Psychic Force_, whose laws of action it has been reserved for this new and greater WHEATSTONE to develop and apply to practical utility. That no scepticism may linger in the minds of our readers, we desire to add that we have been gratified by the actual inspection of several short fragments forestalled by this invaluable process from the press of the next fifty, eighty, and one hundred and thirty years respectively; and have at this moment in our hands a complete transcript (the most important document of the series) of a newspaper bearing date January 1st, 1977, photographed in a very beautiful manner by the machine upon an enormous sheet of paper, which was found needful to contain the type in the most compressed form. As the printed matter of this gigantic periodical equals at least in bulk the whole of Gibbon’s History, or Mr. Jowett’s edition of Plato, we cannot attempt to do more than offer our readers a few brief extracts, serving, however, we trust, as not inadequate samples of the literary treasures which are shortly to be revealed to our curiosity, and satisfying even the most incredulous that the invention of which we speak has been crowned with triumphant success. We have only to add that the great originator of this discovery entertains hopes that, by an ingenious _inversion_ of the action of his machine, he may be able to convert it, when required, into a RETROSPECTIVE TELEGRAPH, bringing back the Past, as it already antedates the Future, and restoring to us all the records of antiquity whose loss we have deplored, as, for example, the Odes of Sappho, the missing Books of Livy, the Prometheus Unbound of Æschylus, and the original MSS. of the Vedas, the Zend Avesta, and the Pentateuch. The final completion of this latter discovery, however, is scarcely perfected, and we shall not therefore pause to describe its probable value, but proceed without further delay to put our readers in possession of all the details for which we can find space concerning the Newspaper of 1977, which has been very sagaciously selected by the inventor as the first fruits of the working of his Prospective Machine.

The name of this journal (which, we conclude, may be considered as the _Times_ of the twentieth century) is

THE AGE OF SCIENCE,

and obviously refers with pride to the consciousness of its readers that they live in a period of the world’s history when Science reigns supreme over human affairs, having achieved unimaginable triumphs, and altogether superseded most of the pursuits of mankind in ruder ages, such as War, the Chase, Literature, Art, and Religion. This appropriate title is printed, we may remark, in the largest and clearest possible Roman type, instead of in the Old English character now commonly used for a similar purpose. No fount, indeed, which we have ever seen employed, save in a few old Italian folio _éditions de luxe_, has type so large and legible as that in which the whole newspaper is printed, the greatest care apparently being taken to spare the eyes—or perhaps we should say the spectacles—of the readers, since, judging from the opticians’ advertisements of “Spectacles for Infants,” “Spectacles for Elementary Schools by the gross,” and “Cautions to Mothers” against allowing babies to use their eyes, it would appear that unassisted vision had become rare, if not unknown. There are ten columns on each page, each ten times as long as it is broad, and there are a hundred pages in the journal, proving that the decimal system has been thoroughly adopted even in such details. Spread out open, the _Age of Science_ would cover the floor of a very large hall, and we apprehend from certain marks that a convenient method of suspending it on pulleys from the ceiling, must have superseded our clumsy practice of holding our papers with extended arms.

Proceeding to peruse the intensely interesting contents of the _Age of Science_, we first note that it is written in English differing from our own chiefly by the use of a strange and, to our eyes, barbarous orthography, (intended, we presume, to facilitate elementary education,) and by the introduction of a vast number of technical terms of the class we reserve for scientific treatises, but which are apparently brought into use in everyday parlance. The familiarity of the contributors with all gases, fluids, and substances of chemistry, all the bones of all the beasts, birds, and fishes which live, or ever did live, on this planet, and all the diseases incidental to humanity, speaks volumes for the superiority of their scientific education over our own. At the same time, on two or three occasions when illustrations have been chosen from past History or Poetry, the writers betray that their studies have not been much extended in the direction of Literature. One gentleman thinks that Mr. GLADSTONE wrote the Iliad on hints afforded by Dr. Schliemann, and that MILTON was the author of the Book of Genesis. Another refers to the period when Rome was founded by ROMEO and JULIET, while a third mentions the “once celebrated _Divina Commedia_ by MOLIERE,” and regrets that “so curious a specimen of archaic Japanese art as Titian’s ‘Assumption’ should not have been spared from the pile in which the ‘Transfiguration’ of _Phidias_ and the ‘Last Supper’ of _Praxiteles_ were so judiciously destroyed by order of the Committee of the Royal Academy, to put a stop to the propagation of bad æsthetic taste.” For the intelligence of our readers we shall be compelled to translate the singular phraseology of the _Age of Science_ as nearly as possible into familiar English, and our present spelling; and shall only quote a few of the Leading Articles, touching on specially interesting topics, out of the twenty-five which the vast newspaper publishes as its daily contribution.

The arrangement of the _Age of Science_ is a little different from and more logical than that of our journals. The first page is rationally devoted to TELEGRAPHIC INTELLIGENCE, which everyone may be supposed to desire first to read. Instead of political news, however, or records of battles, deaths of eminent personages, floods, storms, or fires, these telegrams consist exclusively of minute verbatim reports of the proceedings of above ninety Scientific Congresses, which seem to be taking place at the same time in Europe, Asia, America, Australia, and even in one instance (a Geographical Meeting) in Africa, on the shore of Lake Albert Nyanza. The various sections of the British Association have been obviously long broken up, and again divided and subdivided till separate congresses have been found desirable for each department.

It would occupy more space than the whole of this volume to offer even the briefest condensation of these Reports, as the discussions and papers of the learned members of the different congresses are carried on chiefly in terms quite unintelligible to us, and refer to scientific disputes to which we do not possess a clue. We must pass over these columns of the _Age of Science_, and proceed to the next department, which is a Report of the ASSEMBLY OF CONVOCATION—a topic which we were surprised to find possessed such prominent interest, till we discovered that the Convocation of 1977 will consist exclusively of Medical men. The Upper House seems to be formed of Physicians and Surgeons who have obtained titles of Nobility, and take rank according to the dioceses over which they exercise medical supervision, and the Lower House to be a representative body elected by medical graduates throughout the kingdom.

The meetings for the Province of Canterbury take place respectively in Henry the Seventh’s Chapel, and in the nave of Westminster Abbey; Jerusalem Chamber and the Board Room of the Bounty Office having probably proved inconveniently small, and the whole Abbey (as we learn accidentally from a paragraph in another part of the paper) having been “set aside, since the Dissolution of the Churches, for the use of the Medical Profession, and for anatomical and physiological lectures and craniological researches, for which latter purpose the vaults beneath offer peculiarly interesting specimens.”

The Report runs as follows:—

_PROVINCE OF CANTERBURY._

UPPER HOUSE.

SESSION CCXLI.—Monday, January 1st, 1977.

The House assembled at eleven o’clock in Henry VII.’s Chapel, pursuant
to the order of prorogation. His Grace the Lord Archphysician of
Canterbury presided. There were also present the Right Rev. Lord
Doctors of Winchester, London, Oxford, Ely, Salisbury, Exeter,
Lincoln, and Peterborough. After the presentation of sixty-four
Petitions, a Report was received from the Venerable Congregation of
the Index, which was approved and ordered to lie on the table. Among
the works whose perusal will henceforth be prohibited to the laity
will be found all Medical Guides and Treatises on Domestic Medicine,
Household Surgery, and the like, which have pretended to direct the
multitude how to cure or prevent disease without the aid of a
physician. As the Lord Doctor of Lincoln judiciously observed, “the
heresy involved was precisely analogous to that of the old religious
sect of Protestants, who taught the ignorant laity that they might
save their souls without applying to a priest. Doctors,” his lordship
added, “were the appointed Ministers of the Body, and the man who
imagined his health could be saved without them would find out his
error when it was too late.”

LOWER HOUSE.

The Doctors, Archdoctors, and Pro-Apothecaries constituting the Lower
House of Convocation assembled in the Nave of Westminster Abbey at 11
o’clock. The Very Eminent Cyrup Camomile, M.D., Archdoctor of
Cheltenham, Prolocutor, presided.

The Prolocutor having bowed to the busts of Hippocrates, Galen, and
Harvey (a ceremony which has been substituted for the old form of
prayers), præconization was taken by the actuary of the names of
members; assessors were appointed, and a multitude of petitions
presented. The Schedules of Gravamina and Reformanda were then called
for. Among the former the most important (which was sent up at once to
the Upper House as an _Articulus Medici_) was the gravamen of the
Archapothecary of Sarum, which set forth that, contrary the interests
of the profession and ordinary usage, a Coroner had been recently
elected for the county of Dorset who was not a Medical Man. Another
gravamen referred to the inadequacy of the fees to be legally claimed
by Doctors for granting Certificates of Birth, Vaccination,
Equination, Porcination, Sanitary Fitness for Factory or other
labours, Fitness for Marriage, and, finally, the most important
Certificates of having died under due Medical care and supervision,
and being consequently admissible for Cremation.

Members were then called upon to give notice of motions, and
discussions followed on those of Sir William Puffin—

That Convocation should remonstrate with Her Majesty’s Ministers for
the laxity wherewith the laws relating to Medical Heretics are
enforced.

Of Sir Andrew Scrivener—

That Convocation should desire Her Majesty’s Secretary of State for
Home Affairs to introduce immediately into Parliament a Bill
prohibiting Dinner Parties, exceeding seven persons in number, to be
held without the presence of a qualified Physician or Surgeon.

Of Dr. Aqua Fortis—

That a Bill should be likewise required, compelling Railway and
Steamboat Companies to employ, at suitable salaries, a staff of
properly qualified Surgeons, one of whom at least should travel by
every train and on every steamboat.

And of Dr. Scurvydrop—

That a Deputation from Convocation should wait on the Lords of the
Admiralty to remonstrate on the subordinate position allotted to
Surgeons on board Her Majesty’s Ships, and to demand that the Medical
Officer should at all times (except when the immediate conduct of the
ship is in question) takes precedence of the Captain as Commander.

A similar motion was made by Dr. Turniquet for a deputation to the
Horse Guards on behalf of the Army Surgeons, and was, like all the
preceding motions, adopted unanimously.

The Report concludes with the observation—

As Parliament does not meet for another week, there must be a delay of
a few days before the recommendations of Convocation are carried into
effect, but it is unnecessary to remark that they will be adopted
unchallenged by the Legislature. Since the solemn Protest, carried by
the 50,000 doctors, who marched down Whitehall in procession, “against
the Interference of the Secular Power in Things Medical,” no Minister
of the Crown, much less any private member, has attempted to move an
Amendment to any of the numerous Bills presented by the profession.

After the Report of Convocation, the _Age of Science_ contains one column of STOCKS AND SHARES, not possessing any special interest for readers of the present day, but appearing to prove, strangely enough, that investments are much fewer than in our time, and cannot be made in any Foreign securities. After these, in lieu both of NAVAL AND MILITARY INTELLIGENCE, and of the CHURCH, five columns are devoted to MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS AND PROMOTIONS, and to a considerable correspondence on the proposed endowment of two new Physicianships (with seats in the House of Lords) at St. Albans and Truro. After all these we find twenty columns devoted to LATEST INTELLIGENCE, in short paragraphs, of which we cull a few of the most interesting.

_OCCASIONAL NOTES._

The magnificent Joss House now in process of erection by the Chinese
of London forms a striking ornament to Regent Street, standing as it
does on the site of the old deserted Langham Chapel. It will, we
imagine, be the only place dedicated to religious purposes which has
been built during the last twenty years in the metropolis, and almost
the only one in actual use. Although we cannot, of course, ourselves,
as a Scientific nation, formally join in the worship of Buddha, we
must all regard with sympathy and satisfaction the honours paid to
that great Teacher by the very important section of our community, the
Chinese day labourers and domestic servants, of whom it is said more
than half a million have contributed to the erection and adornment of
this Temple. Considering the impossibility of inducing Englishmen to
undertake in these days the lower kinds of work, we should come
altogether to a standstill were it not for the tens of thousands of
industrious Chinese who have replenished our labour market. The statue
of Buddha is a noble work of modern sculpture by Mr. Merino. The
traditional pose of the crossed legs is slightly altered to bring them
within the rules of scientific anatomy, and the Sage is obviously
pondering those profound lessons of Pessimism (that it is a bad world
we live in, and that we need not expect a better) which have justly
secured for him the reverence of cultivated Europe.

* * * * *

An accident of the ordinary sort occurred last night to the new
Magnetic train, which was at the moment passing under the Channel,
about 10 miles from Dover. From messages sent by the portable electric
machine along the wires the moment before the catastrophe took place,
it would appear that the engineers have been again at fault in the
construction of the roof of the tunnel, and that the sea was rushing
in with such violence that little hopes were entertained of bringing
the train to the next watertight compartment. The result justified
these fears, for the whole compartment of the tunnel in which the
train was stopped is to-day entirely full of water, and it must be
assumed that the unfortunate passengers—numbering, it is supposed,
about 800—have been drowned like so many rats in a trap. The accident
is unfortunate for the proprietors of Submarine Tunnel Stock, and also
for several Insurance Companies, as extensive repairs will be
required; but Science teaches us to regard these occurrences with
composure, as serving to check the increase of a superabundant
population.

* * * * *

The Simian Educational Institute (on Frobel’s system), for members of
the Ape family, continues to attract the strongest interest. In
testing the educability of the Simian tribe we are solving one of the
most important problems of Science, and hitherto everything seems to
promise the triumphant success of the experiment. There are now among
the pupils at the Institute three Chimpanzees, whose grandfathers and
grandmothers have all been well-educated monkeys; so that the set of
the brain of these young people is already marked towards progress and
civilization. It is needless to observe that all the students are
required to wash and dress themselves every morning in the becoming
male and female habiliments provided by the taste of the Governors of
the Institute. Great pains are also taken with their manners at meal
times, and, to avoid temptation, nuts are not admitted at dessert. One
of the young gentlemen (Joseph Macacus Silenus, Esq., generally known
by his intimates as “Joe”) is said to exhibit extraordinary talents,
and to be able to answer any question in elementary science by means
of an alphabet and a system of knocks, which (in view of the yet
unconquerable speechlessness of monkeys) has been accepted as the best
substitute for language, having been formerly invented by an ingenious
race of impostors named Mediums, who flourished in the obscurity of
the Victorian age. The plan adopted in France, in deference to the
advice of the great French naturalist, M. Houzeau, to employ the
anthropoid apes as domestic servants, has proved, we are informed,
altogether successful in several families. Madame Le Singe, a fine
specimen of the Gorilla tribe, has acted for some months as
confidential Nurse in the family of a distinguished Member of the
Institute (M. Gobemouche), and is said to maintain discipline among
her charges excellently well. It is an instructive spectacle to see
Madame Le Singe walking on a fine day with the children, and pushing a
perambulator in the Gardens of the Tuileries. The more ordinary
employment found, however, for domestic Apes is that of cooks, when it
is observed they occasionally call in the services of the household
cat to assist them as kitchenmaid, especially when roast chestnuts
form part of the entertainment.

* * * * *

The cheerful ceremony of opening the new “Incineration Hall” was
performed an hour ago in Manchester by the Lord Doctor of Manchester,
attended by the Mayor. It is a magnificent building, with a furnace
capable of reducing 12 bodies at a time to ashes, which, after a
certain period, will be used in the manufacture of water-filters for
the drinking-fountains of the town. It is specially fortunate that the
Hall can be employed at once, since the number of persons despatched
by Euthanasia has been so great during the past week all over the
country that the other Cremation establishments have proved inadequate
to dispose of the corpses with sufficient rapidity.

* * * * *

An important addition has been made to that instructive place of
public amusement, the Zoological Gardens in Regent’s Park. The ground
formerly occupied by a great Dissenting College (long in ruins) has
been devoted to a department destined to contain those species of
animals which are rapidly dying out in Europe, and which, if not thus
carefully preserved, must soon be lost altogether to Zoological
science. Among these are the Ass, the Fox, the Dog, the Hare, the
Pheasant, and Partridge. In this age of Science it is, of course,
impossible to go on employing a creature like the Donkey, proverbial
for its intellectual deficiency, and we have no regret that only two
pair of animals of the species (both in the Regent’s Park collection)
now survive in England, though a few are said to linger in Egypt.
Connected with the dog (_Canis Familiaris_) there are so many
traditional records of sagacity, having a certain scientific interest
in connection with the form and size of its brain, that we should have
been glad if a more complete collection of the varieties could have
been preserved. The Foxhound, however, the Greyhound, Setter, and
Pointer, seem all to have become extinct within about thirty years of
the repeal of the Game Laws and the consequent cessation of held
sports; and several of the more favoured kinds of dogs—Italian
Greyhounds, Toy Terriers, Pomeranians, and Poodles—were, it is said,
privately destroyed by hundreds by their owners, who disgracefully
sought to withdraw them from the researches of physiologists. The
remaining kinds have been perhaps rather recklessly used by
vivisectors, whose ardour in the noble cause of science has caused
them to experiment, on an average, on about 14,000 dogs apiece (an
example originally set by the sainted Maurizio Schiff), and the result
has been that we only find at present twelve animals surviving, of
whom nine belong to the class Mongrel. One noble old Newfoundland, who
would have greatly graced the collection, was, it is said, drowned by
his owner last year under interesting circumstances. The dog was much
devoted to his master (a celebrated physiologist), and especially to
his boy, a child of six years old. One day the little fellow fell out
of a boat, and sank for the last time, when the dog arrived, and with
immense difficulty (the water being very deep and stormy) dived for
him and brought him safe to shore. The animal itself was so nearly
exhausted that its stertorous breathing and other symptoms suggested
to the physiologist the scientific interest which would attach to
watching it slowly drowning in a suitable vessel, where all the
conditions of that death could be accurately investigated on so large
a scale as that of a full sized dog. The learned gentleman
accordingly, in obedience to these fine and fleeting suggestions of
the intellect, drowned the animal in a tub in his physiological
laboratory as soon as his son was sufficiently recovered to witness
the instructive and entertaining spectacle. The dog, when withdrawn
half dead for a moment from the water, having attempted to lick the
boy’s face, the child was weak enough to implore his father to spare
it; but the learned gentleman of course pointed out to the boy the
folly of such a request, and the experiment was completed. We trust to
see this young gentleman hereafter as sound and eminent a physiologist
as his distinguished father.

After some five columns more of similar _Intelligence_, the _Age of Science_ proceeds to give its readers a few Reviews of Books. The brevity of the remarks vouchsafed to these productions seems to indicate that no great importance is attached to Literature properly so called, but only to treatises on Physical Science.

The Notices run as follow:—

_REVIEWS._

We do not usually in the _Age of Science_ intrude on the province of
the sixteen leading daily Scientific Newspapers devoted to critical
notices of the books which pour from the press on Electrology,
Physiology, Astronomy, Geology, &c. We are tempted to depart from our
rule, however, so far as to offer our meed of applause and
congratulation on the publication of the last of the six splendid
volumes forming the magnificent monograph on CHEESE-MITES, and the
still more costly and exhaustive treatise on the great mystery of the
FORMATION OF DUST IN DISUSED APARTMENTS. THE ANALYSIS OF THE DUST BIN,
which constitutes Book VIII. of this noble work, is a triumph of
scientific investigation and (to employ an obviously appropriate term)
of industry. In the inferior non-scientific walks of Literature we
find that no Histories have been published during the last
twelvemonth, and only one _Historical Essay_, namely:—

_The Fall of the Church of England._ By the late (and last) Dean of
Westminster. The author of this book composed it, we are informed,
during his retirement in the Isle of Anglesea, whither, like most of
the clergy, and the Druids in former ages, he retreated after the
great victory gained by Science, when the Cathedrals and Churches were
made over by Parliament to the Medical Profession. The Dean traces the
fall of the Anglican Establishment to the disrepute into which it had
sunk in consequence of the folly of a party in the Church, who, in an
age of doubt and transition, when religion needed to be presented in
its most spiritual shape, made it appear by their practices a matter
of rites and forms altogether childish. It is quite possible that
these idle doings may have contributed to make sensible men impatient
and contemptuous, but we are persuaded that the abolition of the
Churches was due to a deeper and more widespread cause, namely, the
growth of that sound philosophy which recognises Matter as containing
itself the germ and potency of every form of life, and, of course,
dismisses the dream of a Soul in man, which might enjoy existence
after death. As soon as this great truth had had time to penetrate the
minds of the masses, the collapse of Religion obviously became
imminent. The sole attention and hopes of all classes have since been
confined to the preservation of health and the extension of life to
the utmost term of old age. That we have _bodies_, nobody can for a
moment question, and we properly recognise as our guides and masters
the Doctors who remedy their diseases. We have satisfied ourselves
that we have no _Souls_, and it would be truly absurd to expect of us
to maintain an order of clergy to undertake their “cure.” The
endowments originally devoted to the latter profession have been
naturally and fitly transferred to the former.

_POETRY._

_The Loves of the Triangles._ Reprinted from the _Anti-Jacobin_. We
rejoice to see the merits of this Poem recognised at last, and the
stupid idea of some dull critics that it was intended as a travesty
exploded in this graver age. With the exception of the _De Rerum
Natura_ of Lucretius, and of Darwin’s _Botanic Garden_, it is almost
the only poem bequeathed to us by the past worthy of retaining a place
in our libraries.

_The Gout, and other Poems._ By the Poet Laureate. We warmly commend
this beautiful and affecting volume, especially to our youthful
readers. The accuracy wherewith the peculiarly poignant pangs of
Arthritis are delineated is beyond praise. We should, however,
recommend the omission of the episode of the patient’s marriage to his
shampooer. It is a tribute to that false taste which requires Poetry
to deal with Romance instead of with the facts of Science.

_FICTION._

_The Precession of the Equinox, and other Tales._ By Wilkinson
Collinson, Esq. This is a highly sensational story, and will sell like
wildfire at the bookstalls. The interest of the plot turns on the
phenomenon in question, but embraces subsidiary problems respecting
the sun’s path through the Zodiac.

_Daniel Allround._ By George Evans. The chief attraction of this book
lies in the abstruse technical terminology which the author has
employed to illustrate profound observations of men and things. From
this point of view the work has a certain scientific value, but too
much space is lost by delineations of characters without tracing them
to the laws of Heredity.

_Edwin and Angelina._ By J. Fitzparnell. Taking for his guidance the
observation of the immortal Bain, that the Tender Emotions are
exclusively Glandular Affections, the author of this charming novel
has afforded his readers a perfect study of the effects of each of the
passions—Pity, Sympathy, Regret, Disappointment, Hope, and Love—on the
various glands which they respectively affect. A simple love story
naturally describes each emotion in its turn, and allows us to pause
and acquaint ourselves with its physiological results. The lucid
explanation of the physiological reasons why Mothers love their
children is particularly valuable, as calculated to explode the last
stronghold of the superstitious reverence which was once paid to
parents among semi-civilized nations.

After these critical Notices of Books, the _Age of Science_ proceeds to offer the following remarks on Art and the Drama:—

_EXHIBITION OF THE ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS._

FIRST NOTICE.

To-day being the first of the New Year, this Exhibition was as usual
opened to the public, and we think all true lovers of Art will agree
that it is a most satisfactory one, and displays more than the usual
average merit of our Exhibitions, whether we consider the aggregate
number of important works, their size, their execution, or the noble
prices they have realised to their authors; such prices having been,
according to the lately adopted custom, published in the catalogues
issued after the day of the Private View, when connoisseurs have made
their selection of the works not previously disposed of in the
_ateliers_ of the artists. This (which is, after all, the true test of
success) greatly enhances the interest of these catalogues, affording
a guide as to the degree of public favour in which the respective
artists are held. Reform in the Academy itself, so long demanded, has
been at last effected, in spite of all the obstacles thrown in the way
of the reformers, who desired to break down the monopoly so long
maintained by the painters and sculptors, who would only consent to
the admission of a limited number of architects and engravers into
their privileged body. Now, at last, the claims of all artists have
been recognised, and Decorators, Carpet-designers, Metalworkers and
Electrotypers, Wood Carvers, &c. &c., have been admitted within its
walls, and the magic letters R.A. may frequently be found attached to
the names of the leading members of many of our manufacturing firms.
In fact, we may say that Painting and Sculpture have found their
level, and now that the great canon of Art has been thoroughly
established, and it is acknowledged that _Utility_, not _Beauty_, is
its only legitimate aim, and Scientific Reality and Accuracy, not wild
attempts at attaining a so-called Ideality, its true goal of
perfection, the merits of these too-long unrecognised geniuses have
been found to surpass all others. The mechanical helps with which
Science has supplied us have rendered it possible to accomplish feats
of which our ancestors had no idea. Photography has enabled us to
reproduce all possible forms, thus securing, with great economy of
labour, the facile execution of stupendous works adapted for the
decoration of the outside as well as the inside of our buildings. In
this Exhibition, of course, these gigantic works cannot be seen, but
the smaller ones by the same artists give us good specimens of their
power. No. 3,004, for instance, is well worthy the attention of
visitors. It is intended, as the catalogue informs us, for the wall
decoration of the Terminus of the Great Central Balloon Station, and
gives a very wonderfully correct representation of the three Provinces
into which London is now divided, as seen from the distance of six
miles above the height of St. Paul’s. Every roof and chimney is
accurately represented, and every feature of the smallest interest, on
the scale of an inch to a mile. Portrait-painting may be said to have
been entirely superseded now that the Sun has been compelled to add
colour to form in the pictures taken by the photographic camera, and
Landscape Art has died out in its old inaccurate fanciful sense,
having been succeeded by a more scientific method of representing
Nature as she really is. The geological formation of every mountain,
the physiology of each tree and blade of grass, as determined by
expert geologists and botanists, will alone satisfy us in this age of
science, and we demand this accuracy from all who pretend to record
the aspect of our country. We find all these requirements met in the
works of the distinguished landscape painter of No. 60,072, “View of
the Great Smelting Works,” in the iron district, lately discovered in
the North of Scotland. We venture to affirm that none but a thoroughly
educated man of science could have painted the details of this
picture, and we cannot bestow higher praise. The “Interior of the
Factory,” No. 20,621, is also a work deserving of much commendation
for the minuteness of its detail, which must be examined with a strong
magnifier to be thoroughly enjoyed—the complicated arrangement of the
machinery escaping the naked eye; also the texture of the materials
which are being manufactured into webs of the most gossamer-like
lightness from heaps of rough coarse yarns and woollen threads. The
faces of the operatives are exquisitely rendered, and you seem to hear
the noise of the wheels and cranks.

The Sculpture Gallery is perhaps less attractive to the general public
than are the pictures; still it contains some interesting works, and
the tailors and milliners who were consulted by the art critics as to
the details of the costumes of the portrait statues, gave their
opinion that very few errors had been committed this year, thanks to
the advice tendered by them at sundry lectures delivered on the
subject last summer. Our statesmen and benefactors are no longer
represented in dress, or undress, in which they were never beheld, but
in the exact apparel which they actually wore; and future ages will be
afforded a correct idea not only of their features, but of any bodily
defects they may have laboured to conceal. Thus an archæological and
historical interest will attach to these effigies, and truth will be
upheld. Science has done much for this art also. Mechanical means have
assisted this accuracy of representation—notably in the application of
metal, which can now be applied to the dress, &c., where great
elaboration of detail is required, so as to admit, for example, of
stamping out patterns in lace ruffles, and imitating the very texture
of the materials, while the resemblance to marble is perfect.
Especially useful is this invention for the application of colour; and
we defy anyone to detect the difference of substance without the
closest observation, such as a skilful workman alone could bestow. The
advantages offered by this discovery are obvious in the case of veiled
statues, so much admired by the British public. (See Nos. 720 to
1,293.) We cannot bestow too much praise on the exquisite polish of
surface and delicacy of the workmanship of many of these works,
notably in the feathers of the bird’s wing in No. 2,320, “A Chinese
Scullion plucking a Goose.” Compare this with the rude and uncouth
attempts of the ancient Greeks to idealize the naked human form!

_THEATRES._

At this season in former times, when boys were foolishly allowed to
leave school for the holidays, the theatres (as some of us are old
enough to remember) were much frequented, and were principally used
for a silly kind of entertainment called Pantomimes. Of the three
theatres in London which still continue to be devoted to some sort of
dramatic performance, and have not been transferred into Lecture
Halls, one only (the _Gaiety_) seems successful this winter. Crowds
attend every night to witness “School,” a piece in which there is no
folly of love-making, but the anxieties of a Competitive Examination
for Honours in Science are finely realised. A tragic interest is
imparted to the plot by making the hero become insane just as he has
achieved the object of his ambition. At the _Haymarket_ there has been
a failure which we fear will result in the ruin of the lessee. This
enterprising gentleman imagined it might be possible to revive in
these days an interest in some of the old plays once popular in this
country, and after (it appears) long consultation and deliberation,
determined to bring the _Merchant of Venice_ upon the boards. It was
hoped that the proposal of one of the characters of the piece, named
Shylock, to cut a pound of flesh from another, and the discussion
whether this could be done without the effusion of blood, would excite
the interest of the spectators. Unfortunately, as the author of the
drama (Shakespeare, we are informed) stops short at the very crisis of
the physiological experiment, and allows the intended subject to
escape, the audience not unnaturally have exhibited disappointment,
and the piece has been pronounced a failure.

At the St. James’s Theatre the manager has likewise made a mistake in
reviving Moliere’s _Malade Imaginaire_. We see no humour in this,
so-called, comedy. Where is the point, for example, of the supposed
jest of making the young medical student, _Thomas Diafoirus_, present
his lady-love with a ticket of admission to a dissection? The act was
a natural and delicate attention.

The next department of the _Age of Science_ is very short as usual.

_COURT._

Her Most Gracious Majesty, accompanied by the Princess Urania, and
attended by Dr. Brown and Dr. Robinson, Lords Physicians in Waiting,
honoured Dr. Scalpel’s studio by a visit, during which Dr. Scalpel
exhibited to the youthful Princess several beautiful preparations of
various cutaneous diseases, and of the morbid anatomy of Lupus and
Elephantiasis.

Sir R. Atmosphere, Astronomer Royal, Sir A. Diggory, Geologist in
Ordinary to her Majesty, and the eminent Chemist, Herr Von
Pestle-Mortar, had the honour of dining with the Queen at Windsor
Castle at 10 P.M. The Lord Doctor of Winchester, Her Majesty’s Medical
Confessor, said the new Grace (“May good digestion wait on appetite”)
at the commencement of the repast, and the Band, with chorus of male
and female voices, performed at the conclusion the Hymn, “Oh, take thy
pill,—Oh, take thy pill,—Oh, take thy pilgrim home.”

In examining the journals of a foreign country, the intelligent reader will generally be able to gather some insight into the habits of the natives by passing his eye down the columns of advertisements and noting the class of objects presented for sale. In the _Age of Science_ there are no less than fifty the vast pages we have described devoted to announcements and puffs of the most astonishing variety, including hundreds of articles whose names and uses are at present quite unknown. Of advertisements of servants and other persons requiring employment we have not found a single instance, but there were at least twenty columns of invitations to “Ladies and Gentlemen” to be so kind as to act for the advertiser in the capacity of housekeeper, steward, superintendent of the house, or some equally well-sounding office, the remuneration offered being at the lowest, it would seem, about £200 a year, with “the use of a steam carriage,” and “every other luxury desired.”

We must, however, leave the columns of ADVERTISEMENTS for future examination, and proceed to give an account of the more important LAW AND POLICE REPORTS, which form, perhaps, the most surprising part of the _Age of Science_. It would appear that it had become necessary to hold assizes in at least twenty towns and villages in every county; and that the judges were incessantly occupied with cases of robbery, garrotting, arson, rape, stabbing, poisoning, and (strange to remark) a number of offences with new names, of whose nature we can merely guess, but which appear to involve mortal injury to the victim. The words employed, such as “Debarrassing,” “Morbifying,” “Disbraining,” “Petroleumization,” “Electroding,” “Mesmeraciding,” &c., seem to have become so common as to need no definition, and to have taken their place in the statute book. For all these crimes the same class of penalties are allotted; the convicted persons are invariably sentenced by the presiding judge to so many weeks’ or months’ detention—not in prison, but in the Penal Hospitals of their respective towns or villages. The principle on which crime is thus visited appears from the addresses of several of the magistrates, who remark that the “diseased minds” exhibited by the robbers and murderers “obviously require careful medical treatment,” and that they trust that the eminent Physicians and Surgeons to whom the prisoners are consigned will not fail to complete their cure. In numerous cases, as the offenders have been sentenced many times previously, the judge speaks of their crime as exhibiting “an intermittent fever” of homicidal rage, or of covetousness. Remarks are also always made by the reporters as to the “abnormal cerebral development” or “morbid symptoms” exhibited by the criminals, and the tone assumed in speaking of them (even in cases of what we should term the most cruel and brutal murders) is invariably one of scientific study and calm philosophic analysis.

A very different method of treatment, however, is adopted towards another class of offenders, whom it would appear the authorities in the _Age of Science_ are determined to put down in grim earnest. That our readers may not suppose we mistake the sense of the amazing paragraphs in which these new features of English legislation appear, we quote them as they stand in the _Age of Science_, pp. 63 and 64.

_POLICE._

At the Mansion House this morning, 79 men and 140 women were summoned
for the non-attendance of their boys under two years old at the Public
Infants’ Science Classes in the new Kinder Garten in the Tower.
Various pleas were, as usual, put forth by the defendants, purporting
to prove in some cases that the children were ill with small-pox and
scarlet fever, and in several instances that they were dying or dead.
Mr. Alderman Busby remarked that “if they were to listen to such
pleas, children would grow up to three or four years old without
learning even the rudiments of astronomy or palæontology.” He ordered
all the fathers to be publicly flogged, and the mothers to receive
each a dozen stripes of the birch privately, in the State Whipping
House, and to stand on benches for three days in the nearest
Elementary School during school hours.

[Similar judgments are recorded at Westminster, Worship Street,
Clerkenwell, and several other police-courts in London and the
provincial towns.]

_MIDDLESEX SESSIONS._

The Duke and Duchess of Broadacres, the Marquis of Carabas, Lady Clara
Vere de Vere, and the Lady Adeline Amundeville were brought up (in
chains) to receive sentence on the charges (fully proved against them
last week) of having deceived the Officers of Domestic Inspection
respecting their own and their children’s Canination and Porcination.
It was shown that all the defendants had been Vaccinated according to
law four times during the last twelvemonth, and Equinated twice during
the late prevalence of glanders, but though Rabies and the Measles
were both known to be raging in London, they had not only neglected to
present themselves and their children at the Canine and Porcine
Stations in Queen’s Gate, but had deceived the Inspectors as above
stated by exhibiting the former scars for the latter. Being unable to
produce any medical certificate showing that they had obeyed the law,
and having been found “guilty” by a special jury (containing, of
course, the legal proportion—three-fourths—of Medical graduates), all
five prisoners were sentenced by Mr. Justice Draco to the extreme
penalty of the law. They will be vivisected for the instruction of the
students at the magnificent new School of Physiology in Carlton
Gardens, as soon after the opening of the session as may be
convenient. Some sympathy was expressed in court for the Duke of
Broadacres, who, being an elderly nobleman in feeble health, seems to
have feared superstitiously the processes (unknown in his youth) of
using, for the purpose of inoculations, the saliva from mad dogs, as a
preventive of hydrophobia, on the principle of “a hair of the dog
which has bitten you.” The expression of misplaced public
commiseration was instantly checked by the learned Judge, and the
prisoners were removed, exhibiting many signs of trepidation. Lady
Clara Vere de Vere implored that she might be even Ratified sooner
than given over to the students, but her request was, of course,
sternly refused. It is indeed specially fortunate that so sensitive a
subject as this young and delicate-looking lady is likely to prove
should fall, in course of law, under physiological investigation at
the moment when the exquisite experiments of Dr. Blacksmith on the
Nervous System are in course of exposition.

Even these startling announcements, however, are less surprising than the following:—

_SANITARY OFFICE._

Dec. 25, 1977.

The proceedings of this most high and solemn Court in the Realm were,
as usual, held with closed doors. There were present five Lord
Doctors, and sentences were passed, after due deliberation, and (it is
rumoured) the application of the Question, ordinary and extraordinary,
on nine obstinate heretics. Three of these were members of that
fanatical sect, the Peculiar People, who refuse to consult physicians
on the ground of religious scruples—an instance of the survival of
outworn superstitions scarcely credible in this enlightened _Age of
Science_. One of these miserable delinquents, named John Nokes,
alleged that his twelve children had enjoyed unbroken health till his
youngest little boy cut his finger. The wretched father, instead of
hurrying instantly for the nearest surgeon, himself dressed the
child’s wound (which appears to have been superficial) with adhesive
plaster, and gave the child a fragment of toffee to stop his crying,
in lieu of the proper therapeutic remedies for the shock to the
nervous system which any medical attendant would have exhibited. The
crime came fortunately to the knowledge of the police, who immediately
brought the matter before the Sanitary Office. A second offender of
the same sect, named Styles, had, it seems, an attack of Podagra, but
took no advice, and having rather quickly recovered, was in hopes (it
is supposed) that his neglect to obey the law would pass undiscovered.
A crutch seen in his room raised the suspicion of a visitor, and the
offender was eventually arrested. When interrogated by the Lord
Presiding Doctor of the Sanitary Court as to the motives of his crime,
the man (as his sentence sets forth) actually dared to reply by
quoting a passage from an obsolete book, wherein it is narrated of a
certain King, “Now Asa was diseased in his feet, yet in his disease he
sought not to the Lord, but to the physicians. And Asa slept with his
fathers.”[1] This narrative, as Styles had the audacity to argue, was
an authentic, and, indeed, inspired report of a fit of the gout—its
diagnosis, treatment, and the result. As he did not desire to “sleep
with his fathers,” he (Styles) had avoided consulting the physicians,
and had endeavoured to consult the Lord by following the dictates of
common sense, and the consequence was that he had recovered with
unusual rapidity. The Lord President was moved to great indignation by
the obduracy of this heretic. He remarked that the book which
contained such a passage—a volume which, he was happy to say, he had,
for his part, never read—ought to be burnt before the doors of the
London University; and as to the prisoner Styles, it would be useless
for him to hope to escape sharing in the same combustion.

Footnote 1:

2 Chron. xvi. 12.

After the Peculiar People, two Homœopaths were found guilty—one of
administering globules to an old woman, the other of refusing to join
in the processions on the 5th of November, when the busts of Hahnemann
are carried to be calcined. The remaining four heretics avowed belief
in as many different heinous errors. One gave credit to MICHEL’S
process for the cure of external cancer, another thought new-born
infants ought not to be dosed with castor oil; a third placed
confidence in bone-setters, and the fourth (a very old lady) retained
an infatuated preference for the remedies which were in vogue a
century ago—bromide of potassium and chloral—which, of course, have
been since peremptorily condemned and pronounced highly injurious by
the supreme authority of the Faculty.

The aforesaid nine heretics, having been solemnly found “guilty,”
after due inquisition by the High Sanitary Office, were condemned as
contumacious by the Lord Presiding Doctor, and the Most Eminent
Doctors Pole, Gardiner, and Bonner, and were delivered over last night
to the Secular Arm. Piles are in process of erection in Trafalgar
Square. It is announced that Her Gracious Majesty Queen Mary III. will
preside at the execution, which will take place on Sunday morning
next, after hearing a Lecture on “True Medical Belief,” to be
delivered by Her Majesty’s Medical Confessor in Ordinary, Dr. Torr
Quemada, under the dome of St. Paul’s.

Such is a brief abstract of these most astounding _Law and Police Reports_ in the _Age of Science_. We make no comments upon them, except the expression of our wonder at the similarity between the office and behaviour of a Priest of Religion in the fifteenth century and a Priest of Science in the twentieth. With complete citations of four out of the twenty-five Leading Articles of the _Age of Science_, we must conclude this imperfect but thoroughly reliable account of the remarkable journal of 1977, whose discovery has been the glorious first-fruits of the PROSPECTIVE TELEGRAPH.

Since the epoch, now nearly forty years past, when SMITH made his
immortal discovery of the Army Exterminator, followed up so rapidly by
JONES’ invention of the Fleet Annihilator, international policy has
necessarily undergone a great modification. As war has become
impossible as an _ultima ratio_ in any case, and the principle of
Arbitration, on which such hopes were founded, has proved ineffective,
in consequence of the general refusal of the working classes to permit
their governments to pay the _amendes_ agreed upon by the Arbitrators,
a permanent state of discord between nations seems to have become
established. The dream of Free Trade having also been exploded,
following the example of the American Empire, at that time a Republic,
(prohibitive duties having been placed by the different States on
their own exports and the imports of other countries,) commerce is
undoubtedly, just now, considerably hampered. The immense facilities
for travelling which we possess, thanks to the æro-magnetic propeller,
have also their disadvantages, since the abandonment of extradition
treaties allows the criminals of each country to take refuge
immediately in the neighbouring State, when they happen to entertain
any serious objection to detention in the Penal Hospitals. For all
these drawbacks to our progress, however, SCIENCE will no doubt soon
provide an efficient remedy.

We are on the high-road, it cannot be doubted, to a period of
prosperity and universal longevity (after all, the main object of all
rational ambition) such as the world has not hitherto beheld.