Chapter VIII: Part 8

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the folk who flocked to the assistance of the Bhang-eater left him in such condition, he crying aloud in affright, the dog being now before him in a phrenzy of pain for the hook sticking in his gullet and being unable to rid himself of it, while the man dreaded to draw near the moonshine, still deeming (albeit he stood upon terra firma) that he was about to step into the stream. So he hugged the wall shadow which to him represented the river-bank. In this case he continued until day brake and light shone and the to-ing and fro-ing of the folk increased; withal he remained as he was, crying out for affright lest he be drowned. Suddenly a Kazi rode by him and seeing him with gown kilted up and the hound hanging on to the hook, asked, "What may be the matter with thee, O man?" He answered saying, "O my lord, I dread lest I be drowned in this stream, whither a monster of the deep is a-dragging me." The judge looked at him and knew him for a Bhang-eater, so he dismounted from his monture and cried to one of his attendants, "Catch hold of yon dog and unhook him!" Now this Kazi was also one who was wont to use Hashísh; so quoth he to himself, "By Allah, take this fellow with thee and feed him in thy house and make a mocking-stock of him; and, as each night cometh on do thou and he eat together a portion of the drug and enjoy each other's company." Accordingly he took him and carrying him to his quarters seated him in a private stead until nightfall when the twain met and supped together; then they swallowed a large dose of Bhang and they lit candles and sat in their light to enjoy themselves.[FN#231] Presently from excess of the drug they became as men Jinn-mad, uttering words which befit not to intend or to indite,[FN#232] amongst which were a saying of the Bhang-eater to the Kazi, "By Allah, at this season I'm as great as the King;" and the Judge's reply, "And I also at such time am as great as the Basha, the Governor." Thereupon quoth to him the Bhang-eater, "I'm high above thee and if the King would cut off the Governor's head what would happen to hinder him?" And quoth the Kazi, "Yea, verily; naught would hinder him; but 'tis the customs of Kings to appoint unto Governors a place wherein they may deal commandment." Then they fell to debating the affairs of the Government and the Sultanate, when by decree of the Decreer the Sultan of the city went forth his palace that very night, accompanied by the Wazir (and the twain in disguise); and they ceased not traversing the town till they reached the house wherein sat the Bhang-eater and the Kazi. So they stood at the door and hear their talk from first to last when the King turned to the Minister and asked, "What shall we do with these two fellows?" "Be patient, O King of the Age," answered the Wazir, "until they make an end of their talk, after which whatso thou wilt do with them that will they deserve." "True indeed,"[FN#233] quoth the ruler, "nevertheless, instead of standing here let us go in to them." Now that night the boon-companions had left the door open forgetting to padlock it; so the visitors entered and salam'd to them and they returned the greeting and rose to them and bade them be seated. Accordingly they sat down and the Sultan said to the Bhang-eater, "O man, fearest thou not aught from the Sovran, thou and thy friend; and are ye sitting up until this hour?" He replied, "The Sultan himself often fareth forth at such untimely time, and as he is a King even so am I, and yonder man is my Basha: moreover, if the ruler think to make japery of us, we are his equals and more." Thereupon the Sultan turned to his Wazir and said by signals, "I purpose to strike off the heads of these fellows;" and said the Minister in the same way, "O King, needs must they have a story, for no man with his wits in his head would have uttered such utterance. But patience were our bestest plan." Then cried the Bhang-eater to the Sultan, "O man, whenever we say a syllable, thou signallest to thine associate. What is it thou wouldst notify to him and we not understanding it? By Allah, unless thou sit respectfully in our presence we will bid our Basha strike off thy pate!"?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-fifth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the Sultan heard the Bhang-eater's words he waxed the more furious and would have arisen and struck off his head; but the Wazir winked at him and whispered, "O King of the Age, I and thou are in disguise and these men imagine that we are of the commons: so be thou pitiful even as Almighty Allah is pitiful and willeth not the punishment of the sinner. Furthermore, I conceive that the twain are eaters of Hashísh, which drug when swallowed by man, garreth him prattle of whatso he pleaseth and chooseth, making him now a Sultan then a Wazir and then a merchant, the while it seemeth to him that the world is in the hollow of his hand." Quoth the Sultan, "And what may be thy description of Hashísh?" and quoth the Wazir, "'Tis composed of hemp leaflets, whereto they add aromatic roots and somewhat of sugar: then they cook it and prepare a kind of confection which they eat;[FN#234] but whoso eateth it (especially an he eat more than enough), talketh of matters which reason may on no wise represent. If thou wouldst know its secret properties, on the coming night (Inshallah!) we will bring some with us and administer it to these two men; and when they eat it the dose will be in addition to their ordinary." After this the Sultan left them and went forth, when the Bhang-eater said to the Kazi, "By Allah, this night we have enjoyed ourselves and next night (if Allah please!) we will enjoy ourselves yet more." The other replied, "Yes, but I fear from the Sultan, lest he learn our practice and cut off our heads." "Who shall bring the Sovran to us?" asked the other: "he is in his palace and we are in our own place; and, granting he come, I will divert him by recounting an adventure which befel me." The Kazi answered, "Have no dread of the Sultan; for he may not fare forth a-nights single-handed; nay, what while he issueth forth he must be escorted by his high officials." Now when the next night fell, the Kazi brought the Hashish which he divided into two halves, eating one himself and giving the other to his companion; and both swallowed their portions after supper and then lit the waxen tapers and sat down to take their pleasure.[FN#235] Suddenly the Sultan and his Wazir came in upon them during the height of their enjoyment, and the visitors were habited in dress other than before, and they brought with them a quantity of Bhang-confection and also some conserve of roses: so they handed a portion of the first to the revellers, which these accepted and ate, while they themselves swallowed the conserve, the others supposing it to be Hashish like what they had eaten. Now when they had taken an overdose, they got into a hurly-burly of words and fell to saying things which can neither be intended nor indited, and amongst these they exclaimed, "By Allah, the Sultan is desposed and we will rule in his stead and deal commandment to his reign." The other enquired, "And if the Sultan summon us what wilt thou say to him?" "By Allah, I will tell him a tale which befel myself and crave of him ten Faddahs wherewithal to buy Bhang!" "And hast thou any skill in tale-telling?" "In good sooth I have!" "But how wilt thou despose the Sultan and reign in his stead?" "I will say to him 'Be off!' and he will go." "He will strike thy neck." "Nay, the Sultan is pitiful and will not punish me for my words." So saying the Bhang-eater arose and loosed the inkle of his bag-trowsers, then approaching the Sultan he drew forth his prickle and proceeded to bepiss him:[FN#236] but the King took flight as the other faced him, and fled before him, he pursuing.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-sixth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater holding up his bag-trowsers ran after the Sultan purposing to bepiss him and caught up the fugitive at the doorway when he fell over the threshold and began a-piddling upon his own clothes. In like manner the Kazi attempted to bepiss the Wazir and ran after him to the entrance, where he also fell upon the Bhang-eater and took to making water over him. So the Bhang-eater and the Kazi lay each bewraying other, and the Sultan and the Wazir stood laughing at then and saying, "By Allah, too much Hashish injureth man's wits;" and presently they left and went their ways returning to their palaces. But the two drunkards ceased not lying in their own water till day broke; and when the fumes of the drug had left heir brains, they arose and found themselves dripping and befouled with their own filth. Thereupon each said to other, "What be this cross hath betided us?" Presently they arose and washed themselves and their clothes; then sitting down together they said, "None did this deed by us save and except the two fellows who were with us; and who knoweth what they were, or citizens of this city or strangers; for 'twas they brought the intoxicant which we ate and it bred a madness in our brains. Verily 'twas they did the mischief; but, an they come to us a third time, needs must we be instant with them and learn from them an they be foreigners or folk of this city: we will force them to confess, but if they hide them from us we will turn them out." On the next night they met again and the two sat down and ate a quantity of Hashish after they had supped: and they lit the waxen tapers and each of them drank a cup of coffee.[FN#237] Presently their heads whirled round under the drug and they sat down to talk and enjoy themselves when their drunkenness said to them, "Up with you and dance." Accordingly they arose and danced, when behold, the Sultan and his Wazir suddenly came in upon them and salam'd to them: so they returned the salutation but continued the saltation. The new comers considered them in this condition and forthwith the King turned to the Minister and said, "What shall we do with them?" Said the other, "Patience until their case come to end in somewhat whereof we can lay hold." Then they chose seats for themselves and solaced them with the spectacle, and the dancers kept on dancing until they were tired and were compelled to sit down and take their rest. Presently the Bhang-eater looked at the Sultan and exclaimed, "You, whence are you?" and he replied, "We be foreigner folk and never visited this city before that night when we met you; and as we heard you making merry we entered to partake of your merriment." On this wise the device recoiled upon the Bhang-eater and presently the King asked them, saying, "Fear ye not lest the Sultan hear of you, and ye in this condition which would cause your disgrace at his hands?" The Bhang-eater answered, "The Sultan! What tidings of us can he have? He is in the royal Palace and we in our place of Bhang-eating." The Sovran rejoined, "Why not go to him! Belike he will gift you and largesse you;" but the Bhang-eater retorted, "We fear his people lest they drive us away." Whereto quoth the King, "They will not do on such wise and if thou require it we will write thee a note to his address, for we know him of old inasmuch as both of us learned to read in the same school." "Write thy writ," quoth the other to the Sultan who after inditing it and sealing it placed it in their hands and presently the two visitors departed. Then the Bhang-eater and the Kazi sat together through the night until daylight did appear when the fumes of the Hashish had fled their brains and the weather waxed fine and clear. So they said, each to other, "Let us go to the Sultan," and the twain set out together and walked till they reached the square facing the Palace. Here, finding a crowd of folk, they went up to the door and the Bhang-eater drew forth his letter and handed it to one of the Sultan's suite, who on reading it fell to the ground and presently rising placed it upon his head.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-seventh Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the officer who took the letter caused the Bhang-eater and his comrade enter the presence, and the Sultan catching sight of them commanded them to be seated in a private stead where none other man was. His bidding was obeyed; and at noon-tide he sent them a tray of food for dinner and also coffee; and the same was done at sundown. But as soon as supper-tide came the Sultan prayed and recited sections of Holy Writ, as was his wont, until two hours had passed when he ordered the twain be summoned; and when they stood in the presence and salam'd to him and blessed him the King returned their salute and directed them to be seated. Accordingly they sat down and quoth the Sultan to the Bhang-eater, "Where be the man who gave you the writ?" Quoth the other, "O King of the Age, there were two men who came to use and said, 'Why go ye not to the King? Belike he will gift you and largesse you.' Our reply was, 'We know him not and we fear lest his folk drive us away.' So one of them said to us, 'I will write thee a note to his address for we know him of old, inasmuch as both of us learned to read in the same school.' Accordingly he indited it and sealed it and gave it to us; and coming hither we found his words true and now we are between his hands." The Sultan enquired, "Was there any lack of civility to the strangers on your part?" and they replied, "None, save our questioning them and saying, 'Whence come ye?' whereto they rejoined, 'We be strangers.' Beyond this there was nothing unpleasant; nothing at all." "Whither went they?" asked the King and the other answered, "I wot not." The Sultan continued, "Needs must thou bring them to me for 'tis long since I saw them;" and the other remarked, "O King of the Age, if again they come to our place we will seize them and carry them before thee even perforce, but in case they come not, we have no means to hand." Quoth the King, "An thou know them well, when thou catchest sight of them they cannot escape thee," and quoth the other, "Yea, verily." Then the Sultan pursued, "What did ye with the twain who came before them and ye wanted to bepiss them?" Now when the Bhang-eater heard these words his colour paled and his case changed, his limbs trembled and he suspected that the person which he had insulted was the Sultan; whereupon the King turned towards him and seeing in him signs of discomfiture asked, "What is in thy mind, O Bhang-eater? What hath befallen thee?" The other arose forthright and kissing ground cried, "Pardon, O King of the Age, before whom I have sinned." The Sovran asked, "How didst thou know this?" and he answered, "Because none other was with us and news of us goeth not out of doors; so needs must thou have been one of the twain and he who wrote the writ was thyself; for well we know that the kings read not in schools. Thou and thy friend did come in disguise to make merry at our expense; therefore pardon us, O King of the Age, for mercy is a quality of the noble, and Almighty Allah said, 'Whoso pardoneth and benefitteth his reward is with Allah,' and eke He said, 'And the stiflers of wrath and the pardoners of mankind and Allah loveth the doers of good'."[FN#238] Herewith the Sultan smiled and said, "No harm shall befal thee, O Bhang-eater! Thine excuse is accepted and thy default pardoned, but, O thou clever fellow, hast thou no tale to tell us?" He replied, "O King of the Age, I have a story touching myself and my wife which, were it graven with needle-gravers upon the eye-corners were a warning to whoso would be warned. But I strave against her on my own behalf, withal she overcame me and tyrannised over me by her contrivance." "What is it?" asked the King; so the man began to relate the

History of the Bhang-Eater and his Wife.

In the beginning of my career I owned only a single bull and poverty confused my wits.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-eighth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good-will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater said to the Sultan:?I had no property save a single bull and poverty confused my wits. So I resolved to sell Roger[FN#239] and going to the Bazar stood therein expecting someone to buy it, but none came to me until the last of the day. At that time I drove it forth and dragged it off till we reached half-way to my home, where I came upon a tree and sat down to rest in the cool shade. Now I had somewhat of Bhang with me, also a trifle of bread which I brought out and ate, and after I drank a draught of water from the spring. Presently the Bhang began to wobble in my brains and behold a bird in the tree-top which men call a Magpie[FN#240] fell a-cawing, so I said to her, "Thou, O Mother of Solomon, hast thou a mind to buy the bull?" and she cawed again. I continued, "Whatso price ever thou settest upon the bull, at that will I cede it to thee." Again a croak and I, "Haply thou hast brought no money?" Another croak and cried I, "Say the word and I will leave the bull with thee till next Friday when thou wilt come and pay me its price." But she still cawed and I, whenever she opened beak, O King of the Age, fancied that she bespake me and wanted the bull. But all this was of the excess of my Bhang which kept working in my brains and I mistook the croaking for her conversing. Accordingly I left with her the bull bound to the tree and turned towards my village; and, when I went in to my wife, she asked me anent the bull and I told her of my selling it to the Mother of Solomon. "Who may she be?" asked my rib, and I replied, "She dwelleth in yonder tree;" whereat my spouse rejoined "Allah compensate thee with welfare." So I awaited patiently the appointed term; then, after swallowing somewhat of Bhang, I repaired to the tree and sat beneath it when, lo and behold! the pie cawed and I cried to her, "Hast thou brought the coin?" A second caw! Then said I, "Come hither and bring me the money." A third caw! Hereat I waxed wroth and arose and taking up a bittock of brick I threw it at her as she sat perched upon the tree, whereupon she flew off and alit upon an 'old man'[FN#241] of clay hard by. So it occurred to my mind, "By Allah, the Mother of Solomon biddeth me follow her and recover the value of the bull from yonder 'old man.'" Presently I went up to it and digging therein suddenly came upon a crock[FN#242] full of gold wherefrom I took ten ashrafis, the value of the bull, and returned it to its place, saying, "Allah ensure thy weal, O Mother of Solomon." Then I walked back to my village and went in to my wife and said, "By Allah, verily the Mother of Solomon is of the righteous! Lookye, she gave me these ten golden ducats to the price of our Roger." Said my wife, "And who may be the Mother of Solomon?" and I told her all that had befallen me especially in the matter of the crock of gold buried in the 'old man.' But after she heard my words she tarried until sundown; then, going to the land-mark she dug into it and carrying off the crock brought it home privily. But I suspected her of so doing and said to her, "O woman, hast thou taken the good of the Mother of Solomon (and she of the righteous) after we have received from her the price of our Roger out of her own moneys? And hast thou gone and appropriated her property? By Allah, an thou restore it not to its stead even as it was, I will report to the Wali that my wife hath happened upon treasure-trove." And so saying I went forth from her. Then she arose and got ready somewhat of dough for cooking with flesh-meat and, sending for a fisherman, bade him bring her a few fishes fresh-caught and all alive, and taking these inside the house she drew sweet water and sprinkled them therewith, and lastly she placed the dough and meat outside the house ready for nightfall. Presently I returned and we supped, I and she; but 'twas my firm resolve to report my wife's find to the Chief of Police. We slept together till midnight when she awoke me saying, "O man, I have dreamed a dream, and this it is, that the sky hath rained down drink and meat and that the fishes have entered our house." I replied to her of my folly and the overmuch Bhang which disported in my head, "Let us get up and look." So we searched the inside of the house and we found the fishes, and the outside where we came upon the doughboy and flesh-meat; so we fell to picking it up, I and she, and broiling it and eating thereof till morning. Then said I, "Do thou go and return the moneys of Solomon's Mother to their own place." But she would not and flatly refused.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Three Hundred and Ninety-ninth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater continued:?I said to my wife, "Do thou go and return the moneys of Solomon's Mother to their own place;" but she would not and flatly refused. Then I repeated[FN#243] my words but without avail, so I flew into a fury and leaving her ceased not trudging till I found the Wali and said to him, "O my lord, my wife Such-an-one hath hit upon a hoard and 'tis now with her."[FN#244] The Chief of Police asked, "O man, hast thou seen it?" and I answered, "Yes." So he sent a body of his followers to bring her before him and when she came said to her, "O woman, where is the treasure trove?" Said she, "O my lord, this report is a baseless;" whereupon the Chief of Police bade her be led to jail. They did his bidding and she abode in the prison a whole day, after which the Wali summoned her and repeated his words to her adding, "An thou bring not the hoard I will slay thee and cast thy corpse into the bogshop[FN#245] of the Hammam." The woman (my wife) rejoined, "O my lord, I never found aught;" and when he persisted threatening her with death she cried, "O my lord, wherefore oppress me on this wise and charge such load of sin upon thine own neck? I never came upon treasure at all, at all!" The Chief of Police retorted, "My first word and my last are these:?Except thou bring the treasure trove I will slay thee and cast thee into the jakes." Herewith quoth she, "O my lord, ask my husband where it was I hit upon the hoard and at what time, by day or by night," and the Wali's men cried, "By Allah, these her words are just and right, nor is therein aught of harm." So he sent to summon me and asked me, "O man, when did thy wife hit upon the hoard?" I answered, "O my lord, she found it on the night when the skies rained drink and food and fishes." Now when the Wali heard my words he said to me, "O man, the skies are not wont to shed aught save rainwater; and a man in his right wits speaketh not such speech as this." Said I, "By the life of thy head, O my lord, they did rain all three of them;" but the officers cried, "O my lord, verily this man be Jinn-mad and his wife who telleth plain truth is wronged by him: the fellow deserveth confining in the Máristán."[FN#246] Accordingly the Chief of Police bade the men set the woman free and let her wend her ways and seize me and throw me into the madhouse. They did his bidding and I remained there the first day and the second till the third when my wife said to herself, "There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! By the Lord, needs must I go and relieve my husband from Bedlam and charge him never again to speak of that treasure trove." So she came to the Maristan and entering said to me, "Ho, Such-an-one, if any ask of thee saying, 'What do the skies rain?'[FN#247] do thou make answer, 'They rain water!' Furthermore if they inquire of thee, 'Do they ever rain drink and food and fishes?' reply thou, 'This is clean impossible, nor can such thing ever take place!' Then haply they will say to thee, 'How many days are in the week?' and do thou say, 'Seven days and this day be such a day!' Lastly have a guard on thyself when speaking." I rejoined, "'Tis well, and now hie thee forth and buy me half a faddah's worth of Bhang, for during these days I have not eaten aught thereof." So she went and bought me somewhat of food and of Hashish.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundredth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater's wife fared forth and brought back somewhat of food and of Hashish: then returning to the Maristan (he continued) she gave both to me and I ate of them, after which I said to her, "Let us up and be off!" whereto she, "And when we go to the Wali what wilt thou say?" Then the Bhang wrought in the brains and I cried, "O bawd,[FN#248] O my nice young lady, well thou wottest that the skies did rain flesh and drink and fishes! Why then didst thou not tell the truth before the Chief of Police?" Thereupon the Manager of the Madhouse cried to me, "O fellow, this is the babble of madmen!" and I, "By Allah, I ate of them boiled; and doubtless the same kind of rain fell in your house." The other exclaimed, "There be nor doubt nor hesitation anent the insanity of one who sayeth such say!" Now all this was related by the Bhang-eater to the Sultan who marvelled and asked him, "What could have made thee go to the Manager and recount to him such absurdities?" But the Bhang-eater resumed, saying, "I dwelt in the Maristan twenty days until at last having no Bhang to eat I came to my senses and confessed that the skies shed only rain-water, that the week containeth seven days and that this day be such-and-such; in fact I discoursed like a man in his right mind. So they discharged me and I went my ways." But when the Kazi heard this tale he cried out to the Sultan, "O King of the Age, my story is still more wondrous than this, which is only a prank played by a wife. My name was originally Abú Kásim al-Tambúri[FN#249] and I was appointed Kazi after a neat thing I did, and if thou, O our lord the Sultan, desire to be told of the adventures which befel me and of the clever trick wherefor they made me a judge, deign give thy commandment and I will commence it." Quoth the Sultan, "Recount to us why and where they entitled thee Kazi," and the judge began to relate

How Drummer Abu Kasim Became a Kazi.

There was once, O King of the Age, a merchant and a man of Bassorah who went about trading with eunuchs and slave-boys and who bore his goods in bales[FN#250] from Bassorah to Ajam-land there to sell them and to buy him other merchandise for vending in Syria. On this wise he tarried a long while until one year of the years he packed up his property, as was his wont, and fared forth with it to Persia. But at that time there fortuned to be a famine and when he arrived at one of the cities of the Ajam-land, where formerly the traders bought his goods, on this occasion none of them would come near him. In such case he continued a long while till at last a Khwájah appeared before him, a man who owned abundant riches in Persia, but his home was distant three days from the place. The visitor asked saying, "O Bassorite, wilt thou sell me thy stock-in-trade?" whereto the other answered, "And how? Of course I'll sell it!" So the buyer opened the gate of bidding and offered such-and-such; but the Bassorah man cried, "Allah openeth." Then the purchaser added somewhat and the seller rejoined, "Give me yet more?" At last the buyer exclaimed, "I will give nothing more than 'Anaught';"[FN#251] and the seller accepted the offer saying, "May Allah grant us gain!" Thereupon the Persian Khwajah took over all the goods from the vendor and next day the twain met to settle money-matters. Now I, O King of the Age, happened to be abiding in that city. The seller received from the buyer payment in full nor did anything remain; but after, the Bassorah man said to his customer, "Thou still owest me the 'Anaught,' which thou must hand over to me." The other replied jeeringly, "And the 'Anaught' is a naught; to wit, no thing;" but the Bassorite rejoined, "Here with that 'Anaught'!" Upon this a violent ruffle befel between them, the cause was carried before the King and payment was required in the Divan, for the Bassorite still demanded from the purchaser his "Anaught." The Sultan asked, "And what be this 'Anaught'?" and the Bassorah man answered, "I wot not, O King of the Age;" whereat the Sultan marvelled.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night, an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundred and First Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Sultan marvelled at the action of this Bassorite and his saying, "Give me my 'Anaught!'" Presently the tidings of that cause reached me, O King; so I went to the Divan which was thronged with folk and all present kept saying, "How would it be if this 'Anaught' were a fraud or a resiliation of the contract?" Thereupon the Sultan exclaimed, "Whoso shall settle this case, to him verily will I be bountiful." So I came forward, O King of the Age, thinking of a conceit and kissed ground and said to him, "I will conclude this cause," and he rejoined, "An thou determine it and dispose of it I will give thee largesse; but if not, I will strike off thy head." I rejoined, "To hear is to obey." Then I bade them bring a large basin which could hold a skinful of water and ordered them fill it; after which I called out to the Bassorite, "Draw near," and he drew near. Then I cried to the claimant, "Close thy fist!" and he did accordingly, and again I commanded him to close it and to keep it tight closed. He obeyed my bidding and I continued "Dip thy neave into the basin," and he dipped it. Presently I asked, "Is thy hand in the water and thy fist closed?" and he replied, "It is." Then said I, "Withdraw it," and he withdrew it, and I cried, "Open thy neave," and he opened it. Then I asked, "What thing hast thou found therein?" and he answered, "A naught;" whereupon I cried to him, "Take thine 'Anaught' and wend thy ways." Hereupon the Sultan said to the Bassorite, "Hast thou taken thine 'Anaught,' O man?" and said he "Yes." Accordingly the King bade him gang his gait. Then the Sultan gifted me with costly gifts and named me Kazi; and hence, O King of the Age, is the cause of the title in the case of one who erst was Abu Kasim the Drummer. Hereat quoth the Sultan, "Relate to us what rare accident befel thee in thy proper person." So the judge began to recount

The Story of the Kazi and his Slipper.

Once upon a time, O King of the Age, I had a slipper which hardly belonged to its kind nor ever was there seen a bigger. Now one day of the days I waxed aweary of it and sware to myself that I would never wear it any more; so in mine anger I flung it away and it fortuned to fall upon the flat roof of a Khwájah's house where the stucco was weakest. Thence it dropped through, striking a shelf that held a number of phials full of the purest rose-water and the boarding yielded breaking all the bottles and spilling their contents. The house-folk heard the breakage ringing and rattling; so they crowded one after other to discover what had done the damage and at last they found my papoosh sprawling amiddlemost the room. Then they made sure that the shelf had not been broken except by the violence of that slipper, and they examined it when, behold, the house-master cried, saying, "This be the papoosh of Abu Kasim the Drummer." Hereupon he took it and carried it to the Governor who summoned me and set me before him; then he made me responsible for the phials and whatso was therein and for the repairing of the terrace-roof and upraising it again. And lastly he handed to me the slipper which was exceedingly long and broad and heavy and, being cruel old it showed upwards of an hundred and thirty patches nor was it unknown to any of the villagers. So I took it and fared forth and, being anangered with the article, I resolved to throw it into some dark hole or out-of-the-way place; ?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundred and Second Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that Abu Kasim the Drummer continued to the Sultan; I resolved to throw it into some dark hole or out-of-the-way place; and presently I came to the watercloset of the Hammam and cast it into the conduit saying, "Now shall none ever see it again; nor shall I be troubled with its foul aspect for the rest of my life." Then I returned home and abode there the first day and the second, but about noon on the third a party of the Governor's men came and seized me and bore me before him; and no sooner did he see me than he cried out, "Throw him!" Accordingly they laid me out at fullest length and gave me an hundred cuts with a scourge[FN#252] which I bore stoutly and presently said, "O my Sultan,[FN#253] what be the cause of this fustigation and wherefor do they oppress me?" Said he, "O man, the conduit[FN#254] of the jakes attached to the Mosque was choked by thy slipper and the flow, unable to pass off, brimmed over, whereby sundry houses belonging to the folk were wrecked."[FN#255] I replied, "O my lord, can a slipper estopp the flowing of a water that feedeth a Hammam?" Thereupon the Governor said to me, "Take it away and if any find it in his place and again bring me a complaint thereanent, I will cut off thy head." So they haled me away after tossing my slipper to me, and I repaired to the Efendi[FN#256] of the town and said to him, "O our lord, I have a complaint against this Papoosh which is not my property nor am I its owner: prithee do thou write me a deed to such purport between me and the Slipper and all who pass down this road." The Efendi replied, "O man, how shall I write thee a deed between thee and thy Papoosh, which is a senseless thing? Nay, take it thyself and cut it up and cast it into some place avoided of the folk." Accordingly I seized it and hacked it with a hatchet into four pieces which I threw down in the four corners of the city, saying to myself the while, "By Allah, I shall nevermore in my life hear any further of its adventures;" and walked away barefoot. But I had thrown one bit under a bridge that crossed a certain of the small canals; and the season was the dries, wherefore it collected a heap of sand which rose thereupon, and raised the pile higher until the archway was blocked up by a mound. Now when the Níl[FN#257] flooded and reached that archway the water was dammed up and ceased running so the townsfolk said, "What may be the matter? The Nile-inundation hath reached the bridge but cannot pass under it. Come let us inspect the archway." They did so and presently discovered the obstacle; to wit, the mound before the arch which obstructed the waterway; whereupon a party kilted their clothes and waded into the channel that they might clear it. But when they came to the mound-base they found my quarter-slipper, and they exclaimed with one cry, "This be the Papoosh of Abu Kasim the Drummer!" But as soon as the tidings reached me, I fared away, flying from that town, and while so doing was met by a comrade, yonder Bhang-eater; so we agreed that we would travel together and he companied me till we came to this city, e'en as thou seest us, O our lord the Sultan." Thereupon the King said to them, "Do ye twain abide with me amongst my servants; but I have a condition with you which is that ye be righteous in your service and that ye be ready to join my séance every night after supper-tide." Then he cautioned them against disobedience and quoth he, "Be ye not deluded by becoming my companions nor say to yourselves, We be the assessors of the King; for that the byword declareth: Whenas the King sitteth beware of his severity, and be not refractory whenever he shall say to thee 'Do.'" They agreed to this condition and each whispered his mate, "Do thou have a care to act righteously!" Then they left the King nor did they see him again till one day of the days when behold, a Khwajah appeared before the Sultan?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundred and Third Night,

Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that one day of the days, behold a Khwajah appeared before the Sultan and said, "'Tis not lawful in Allah's sight, O King of the Age, that a Bhang-eater should propose to dishonour me in the person of my daughter and load me with infamy amongst His worshippers saying the while, "I am of the King's suite.'" Now the cause of the merchant's complaint was as follows. One day of the days the Bhang-eater was passing by under the latticed window of the Khwajah's home when by decree of the Decreer, the daughter of the house was looking out at the casement and was solacing herself by observing all who walked the street. Perchance the Bhang-eater's glance fell upon the maiden and that sight of eyes entailed a thousand sighs, so he said to himself, "By Allah, if I meet not this maiden, although it be only once, I shall die of a broken heart nor shall any one know of my death." He then took to passing under the window every day and to gazing upwards and to tarrying there from morning-tide to set of sun; but the more he looked the less he saw of her because Fortune which was fair to him the first time had now turned foul. So he continued in this condition for a while, coming every day to look at the lattice and seeing naught. Presently his case became strait and ill health entered his frame for love to the merchant's daughter; and by reason of its excess he betook himself to his pillow turning and tossing right and left and crying, "O her eyes! O her loveliness! O her stature! O her symmetrical grace!" But as he was repeating these words behold, an old woman came in to him and, seeing his concern and chagrin, accosted him and said, "No harm to thee!" Quoth he, "Ah, my reverend mother, unless thou come to my aid I perish," and quoth she, "What is upon thy mind?" So he disclosed to her all he felt of fondness and affection for the Khwajah's daughter and she rejoined. "Thou wilt never win to thy wish in this matter except through me." Then she left him and repaired to her own place, pondering the wiles of women, till she entered her house and there she donned a woolen robe and hung three rosaries around her neck, after which she hent a palm-staff in hand and set out for the merchant's quarters. She ceased not walking till she reached the place and entered in her garb of a religious mendicant[FN#258] crying out, "Allah, there is no god but the God! extolled be Allah! Allah be with you all!" When the girl, whose name was Sitt al-Husn?the Lady of Beauty?heard these words she met her, hoping for a blessing, and saying, "O my mother, pray for me!" and the old woman responded, "The name of Allah be upon thee! Allah be thy safeguard!"[FN#259] Then she sat down and the damsel came and took seat beside her; so likewise did the girl's mother and both sought a blessing from her and conversed together till about noon when she arose and made the Wuzú-ablution and span out her prayers, whilst those present exclaimed, "By Allah this be a pious woman!" When her orisons were ended they served up dinner to her; but she said, "I'm fasting;" whereat they increased in love and belief herwards and insisted upon her abiding with them until sunset that she might break her fast within their walls. On such wise she acted but it was all a fraud. Then they persisted in keeping her for the night; so she nighted with them, and when it was morn she arose and prayed and mumbled words, some intelligible and others not to be understanded of any, while the household gazed upon her and, whenever she would move from place to place, supported her with their hands under her armpits. At last, when it was mid-forenoon she fared forth from them albeit their intent was not to let her depart. But early on the next day she came in to them and all met her with greetings and friendly reception, kissing her hands and bussing her feet; so she did as she had done on the first day and in like guise on the third while they showed her increased honour and worship. On the fourth day she came to them, as was her wont, and they prayed her be seated; however she refused and said, "I have a daughter whom I am about to marry and the bridal festivities will be in my house; but I come to you at this hour to let you know my desire that Sitt al-Husn may accompany me and be present at my girl's wedding-feast and thus she will gain a blessing." Her mother replied, "We dread lest somewhat befal her," but the ancient woman rejoined, "Fear not for her as the Hallows[FN#260] are with her!" Thereupon cried the girl, "There is no help but that I accompany her and be present at her daughter's wedding ceremony and enjoy the spectacle and take my pleasure." The mother said, "'Tis well;" and the old trot added, "I will go and return within this moment." So saying, she went off as one aweary to the house of the Bhang-eater and told him what she had done; then she returned to the maiden whom she found drest and decorated and looking her best. So she took the girl and fared forth with her?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundred and Fourth Night,