Chapter IV

Barber’s pole; three different orders of _shavers_ in New York—those who shave _pigs_; N. B.—freshmen and sophomores,—those who cut beards, and those who _shave notes of hand_; the last are the most respectable, because, in the course of a year, they make more money, and that _honestly_, than the whole corps of other _shavers_ can do in half a century; besides, it would puzzle a common barber to ruin any man, except by cutting his throat; whereas your higher order of _shavers_, your true blood-suckers of the community, seated snugly behind the curtain, in watch for prey, live on the vitals of the unfortunate, and grow rich on the ruin of thousands. Yet this last class of _barbers_ are held in high respect in the world; they never offend against the decencies of life, go often to church, look down on honest poverty walking on foot, and call themselves gentlemen; yea, men of honor!—Lottery offices—another set of capital shavers!—licensed gambling houses! good things enough, as they enable a few _honest industrious gentlemen_ to humbug the people—according to law; besides, if the people will be such fools, whose fault is it but their own if they get _bit_?—Messrs. Paff—beg pardon for putting them in such bad company, because they are a couple of fine fellows—mem. to recommend Michael’s antique snuff-box to all amateurs _in the art_.—Eagle singing Yankee doodle—N. B.—Buffon, Pennant and the rest of the naturalists, all _naturals_ not to know the eagle was a singing bird; Linkum Fidelius knew better, and gives a long description of a bald eagle that serenaded him once in Canada;—digression; particular account of the Canadian Indians;—story about Areskou learning to make fishing nets of a spider—don’t believe it, though, because, according to Linkum, and many other learned authorities, Areskou is the same as _Mars_, being derived from his Greek name of _Ares_; and if so, he knew well enough what _a net_ was without consulting a spider;—story of Arachne being changed into a spider as a reward for having hanged herself;—derivation of the word spinster from spider;—Colophon, now Altobosco, the birthplace of Arachne, remarkable for a famous breed of spiders to this day;—mem. nothing like a little scholarship—make the _ignoramus_, viz. the majority of my readers, stare like wild pigeons;—return to New York a short cut—meet a dashing belle, in a little thick white veil—tried to get a peep at her face—saw she squinted a little—thought so at first;—never saw a face covered with a veil that was worth looking at;—saw some ladies holding a conversation across the street about going to church next Sunday—talked so loud they frightened a cartman’s horse, who ran away, and overset a basket of gingerbread with a little boy under it;—mem. I don’t much see the use of speaking-trumpets nowadays.