Chapter XXVI

“The Trublions,” said Monsieur Bergeret, “fill me with the keenest interest, so it was not without pleasure that I discovered in the valuable book of Nicole Langelier of Paris a second chapter dealing with these little creatures. Do you remember the first, Monsieur Goubin?”

Monsieur Goubin replied that he knew it by heart.

“I congratulate you,” replied Monsieur Bergeret, “for it is a perfect breviary. I will now read you the second chapter, which you will like as well as the first.”

And the master read as follows:

“Of the hurly-burly and the great din raised by the Trublions
and of a beauteous speech which Robin Honeyman made to them.

“In those days the Trublions made a great din in the town, city
and university, each one of them smiting with an iron spoon
upon a ‘trublio,’ that is to say, an iron pot or saucepan, and
making a right tuneful noise. And went about shrieking, ‘Death
to traitors and godmothers!’ They likewise hanged upon the
walls and in secret places and privy chambers beauteous little
scutcheons bearing such devices as ‘Death to the baptized
Jews! Buy neither of Jews nor of Lombards! Long life to
Tintinnabule!’ and armed themselves with firearms and swords,
for they were of noble lineage. Nevertheless did they receive
Martin Baton into their company, and were such excellent good
princes withal that they smote with their fists and disdained
not the sports of bondsmen.

“And all their converse was of hewing and splitting in twain,
and they said in their language and idiom, which was most meet
and congruous and corresponsive to their manner of thinking,
that it was their purpose to brain the folk, which is properly
to draw forth the brain from the brain-pan wherein it doth lie
by the order and disposition of nature. And they did always
as they had said, always and whenever there was occasion. And
being but simple souls they thought themselves to be virtuous
men, and that apart from them there were none righteous, but
all evil, which was a marvellously clear ordinance, a perfect
distinction and a fair order of battle.

“And they had among them many beauteous and most gracious
ladies in sumptuous apparel, the which very graciously and
without blandishments and wantonness did incite the aforesaid
gallant Trublions to belabour, break asunder, overthrow,
transpierce and discomfort all who did not trublion.

“Be not amazed but recognize herein the natural inclination
of fair ladies to cruelty and violence and the admiration of
high courage and warlike valour as was seen aforetime in the
ancient histories, in which it is related that the god Mars was
beloved of Venus and of goddesses and mortals in great store,
and that, contrariwise, Apollo, although a blithesome player
upon the viol, received naught but the disdain of nymphs and
chamber-maids.

“And there was not held in the city any conventicle nor
procession of the Trublions, nor feast nor burying, but that a
poor man or twain or more was belaboured by them, and left half
or three parts dead, yea, wholly dead upon the road, which is
a most marvellous thing. For it was the custom that whenever
the Trublions passed by they belaboured that man which did
refuse to ‘trublion,’ and afterwards did pitifully bear him
upon a bier unto the apothecary, and for this reason or for
another were the apothecaries of the city upon the side of the
Trublions.

“In these days there was a great fair held at Paris in
France, more spacious and greater than were ever the fairs of
Aix-la-Chapelle, or Frankfort, or the Lendit, or the great
fair of Beaucaire. The said fair of Paris was so copious and
abundant in merchandise and works of art and gentle inventions
that a worthy man named Cornely, who had seen much and was
no homestayer, was wont to say that at the sight, practice
and contemplation of the same he did lose the care for his
eternal salvation and even the desire for meat and drink. The
stranger peoples crowded into the city of the Parisians for to
take their pleasure withal and to spend their gold. Kings and
princes came at will, causing both men and women to wag their
heads and say, ‘This is a great honour.’

“As for the merchants, from the greatest to the least,
from All-profit to Earn-little, and the men of trades and
industries, they understood right well how to sell much
merchandise to the strangers which had come to their city for
the fair. Journeymen and beggars unfolded their packs, the
keepers of eating-houses and ale-houses set out their tables,
and the whole city from end to end was in truth an abundant
market-place and a joyous refectory.

“It must also be said that the aforesaid merchants, not all,
but the greater number, loved the Trublions, whom they admired
for their great power of voice and their many antics; yea,
there were none, even unto the Jewish merchants and usurers,
who did not look upon them with respect and an exceeding humble
desire not to be ill-treated of them.

“Thus did the common people and the merchants love the
Trublions, but thereto they naturally loved their merchandise
and means of livelihood, and were thereby cast into great fear
lest by lusty sallies, sudden breaking forth, kicks, blows,
noise and trublionage, they should overturn their stalls and
booths throughout all the four quarters, gardens and ramparts
of the city, and lest the said Trublions, by furious and speedy
slaughter, might affright the stranger peoples and cause them
to flee the city with their pouches yet full. Truth to tell
this danger was not great. The Trublions did utter the most
horrible and terrible threats, also they slew the folk in small
numbers, one, two, or three at one time, as has been said,
and people of the city: never did they attack Englishmen, nor
Germans, nor other peoples, but always their own countrymen.
They killed in one place, and the city was great, and there
they hardly appeared. And it seemed that their love for these
crimes did but increase, and likewise their desire to overthrow
yet more. It seemed not meet or seemly that, in this great fair
of the world and great brotherhood, the Trublions should appear
gnashing their teeth, rolling their fiery eyes, clenching their
fists, throwing their legs abroad, yelping like mad dogs with
horrible howlings, so that the Parisians were in great fear
lest the Trublions should perform at an unseasonable time that
which they might perform without let or hindrance after the
festival and the trading, to wit, the slaughter here and there
of a poor devil or so.

“Then began the citizens to say that they must have peace among
themselves, and the public order was given forth that there
should be peace throughout the city, to which the Trublions
hearkened with but one ear and made reply: ‘Yea, but to live
without discomforting an enemy or even only a stranger, is
that content? If we leave the Jews unbaited we shall not win
to Paradise. Are we to fold our arms? God hath said that we
must labour that we may live.’ And pondering in their minds
the universal feeling and common purpose they were greatly
perplexed.

“Then did an ancient Trublion, hight Robin Honeyman, gather
together the chiefs of the Trublions, being esteemed, venerated
and well-accepted of them, for they knew him to be expert in
deception and profuse in cunning ruses and guileful devices.
Opening his mouth, which was fashioned like that of some
ancient pike-fish the which hath lost some teeth but hath yet
teeth enough to bite the little fishes, he said very sweetly:

“‘Hearken, friends! Give ear, all! We be honest folk and
good fellows, we be not mad. We ask for peace, we desire
peace. Peace is sweet, peace is a precious ointment; peace
is an electuary of Hippocrates, an Apollonian dittany. It is
a fair medicinal infusion, it is flower of the lime, mallow
and marshmallow. It is sugar and honey. Honey say I? Am I not
Robin Honeyman? I do feed on honey. Let the golden age return
and I will e’en lick the honey from the trunks of the ancient
oak-trees. I speak sooth. I desire peace; ye desire peace.’

“Hearing such words from Robin Honeyman, then did the
Trublions begin to make churlish grimaces and whispered among
themselves: ‘Is this Robin Honeyman our friend that speaketh in
this wise? He loves us no longer, he would deal treacherously
with us. He seeketh to do us a hurt; or maybe his wits have
gone wool-gathering.’ And the most trublioniacal among them
said: ‘What saith this old wheezer? Doth he think we shall
put away our staves, cudgels, hammers, and mallets and the
beauteous little fire-sticks in our pockets? What are we in
time of peace? Naught. We are worth nothing but by reason of
the blows we deal. Would he have us smite no more? Would he
have us trublion no more?’ And a great clamour and murmuring
arose in the assembly, and the council chamber of the Trublions
was an angry sea.

“Then did the good Robin Honeyman spread forth his little
yellow hands above the wagging heads, like unto a Neptune
calming the tempest, and when he had restored the Trublion
ocean to its serene and tranquil estate, or well-nigh so, he
spoke most courteously:

“‘I am your friend, my sweetings, and your good counsellor.
Hearken what I would say before ye wax angry. When I say we
wish for peace it is plain that I speak of the pacification
of our enemies, adversaries, and all contentious persons who
think, speak and act contrariwise unto us. It is visible and
apparent that I mean the pacification of all save ourselves;
of the police and magistrates opposed to us. Pacification of
the civil officers of the peace invested with the power and
office to impeach, restrain, repress and contain Trublionage.
Pacification of that justice and law by which we be menaced.
We desire that these be plunged into a profound and deadly
peace. We desire for all that are not Trublions the gulf and
abyss of pacification and deadly repose. _Requiem æternam dona
eis, Domine._ This is our desire. We do not demand our own
pacification. We are not pacified. When we sing _Requiescat_,
is it for ourselves? We do not desire to sleep. When we are
dead it is for a long time. _Nos qui vivimus_, we bestow peace
on others, not in this world but in the next; this is the more
certain. I desire peace. Am I then a simple fellow? Know ye not
Robin Honeyman? My sweetings, I carry more than one trick in
my juggler’s pocket. My lambkins, are you then less wary than
the urchins and schoolboys that sport together, who, playing
together, when the one desireth to gain the advantage over
the other, straightway he crieth “Pax!” which is truce and
suspension of hostilities, and having thus deprived him of all
defiance and defence he doth easily defeat him and leave him
abashed.

“‘Thus do I Robin Honeyman, King’s Attorney. When as doth often
hap I have quiet and cunning enemies in the council chamber, I
speak to them in this wise: “Peace, peace, peace, gentlemen!
_Pax vobiscum!_” and very softly slip a pot of gunpowder and
old nails beneath the bench whereon they sit, with a fair wick
of which I hold the end. Then, while I feign a peaceful sleep,
I light the wick at a seasonable moment, and if they do not all
leap into the air the fault is none of my making. Doubtless the
powder was discovered, and I await the next good occasion.

“‘My good friends, follow the example and behold a model in
your chiefs, masters and rulers. See ye not that Tintinnabule
remaineth still and doth not for the present tintinnabulate?
He awaits a fit and favourable occasion. Is he then pacified?
You do not think so. And the young Trublio, doth he desire
peace? Nay, he likewise waiteth. Hearken diligently. It is
good, profitable and necessary that you appear to desire a
favourable, kind, assuaging and purging pacification. What
doth it cost you? Naught. And you shall derive therefrom great
profit. You that are not pacified shall appear pacified, and
the other folk (those that do not trublion), who are in truth
pacified, shall appear unpacified, corrupted, wayward, furious,
wholly opposed and contrary to a gracious peace, so covetable,
pleasant and desirable. Thus it shall be made manifest that you
have great zeal and love for the public peace and welfare, and
also that, on the contrary, your opponents have a malign desire
to trouble and destroy the city and all that lies about it. And
say not that this is difficult. It will be as you desire and
you will make the simple folk believe that you desire peace.
They will believe what you tell them, for they hearken unto
you. If you say “I desire peace” they will straightway believe
that you do truly desire it. Say it then to give them pleasure,
for ’twill cost you naught.

“‘Nevertheless, for your enemies and adversaries which at first
so piteously bleated “Peace! Peace!” (for they be as gentle as
sheep, which cannot be gainsaid) it shall be lawful for you to
brain them and to say: “They desired not peace therefore we
have overthrown them. We do desire peace and will bring the
same to pass when we are your ministers.”

“‘It is worthy of all praise pacifically to wage war. Cry
“Peace, Peace!” and smite the while. This is Christian-like.
“Peace, Peace! This man is dead! Peace, Peace! I have slain
three men!” The intention was pacific and you will be judged
according to your intention. Go then, cry “Peace!” and smite
stoutly. The bells of the monasteries will ring a merry peal
for you that love peace, and the praise of the peaceful
citizens will follow you. They seeing your victims with gaping
bellies lying upon the highways will say: “That is well done.
It is for peace’ sake. Long live peace! Without peace no man
can live at ease.”’”