Chapter XI: August 1

A MOST disagreeable thing has chanced to me, but I hope no harm will come of it. I have done what seemed me best, and I suppose I might as well dismiss the matter from my mind, if I only could. I can't guess how Dick could do such a thing. He must have known, if he had but thought a little, into what an embarrassment it would bring me.

I have now been in attendance on her Grace two or three days, and have begun to feel a little more at ease, for at first I felt stifled, as it were. I can't think it pleasant to be with those who seem to look upon one as being of another flesh and blood than themselves, if they are ever so gracious. The Queen is very kind, no doubt (I don't believe she could be otherwise), but it does seem to me more like the kindness one would bestow on a pet dog or cat, than the good will, not to say affection—one woman should give to another. I dare say all great folks are so, especially Kings and Queens. They are taught to think themselves of another race. After all, it is mine own pride, I suppose, which makes me uncomfortable.

Mrs. Anne Bullen has been kind to me, though in a way which I like worse than the other. I see clearly that there is no love lost between herself and the bower-woman, Mistress Patience, and it seems as if she wished to enlist me as a partisan on her side, casting mocking glances at me, behind her mistress's back, whenever Mrs. Patience makes any of the little set moral speeches to which she is given, and specially when she utters any devout sentiment. Now, my honored mother early taught me that these significant and mocking looks were among the worst of bad manners; and moreover I could in this case see nothing to laugh at, so I have been careful to give no response or encouragement to them.

This morning I had gone early to the chapel in the garden, as usual, when entering quietly, I was surprised to see Mistress Anne, not at her prayers, but peeping and prying about the altar and the image of our Lady. She started a little, I thought, as I came in, and then said, easily enough:

"So this is the sacred image which has stood since the time of St. Ethelburga, and the fame of which has drawn her grace to this out-of-the-way corner. What a hideous old idol it is!"

This did not seem to me the way to speak in a church, so I held my tongue; whereat she said, in a light, mocking way, but with perfect good humor, "Oh, you are one of the devout, Mistress Rosamond. I cry your pardon! How shall I atone for my offence? I wonder whether news from a certain gallant squire would do it?"

"I don't understand you, Mistress Bullen," I answered, I dare say stiffly enough, though there was that in her manner which made my cheeks flame.

"O no, I see you don't," she answered. "Methinks your cheeks tell another story. Come, be honest now, and tell me what would you give for news from this same cousin Richard, whom a few weeks at court has transformed from a West country clown, into as handsome and saucy a squire as may be found in all the court. Suppose this same squire, knowing me to be bound hitherward, had entrusted me with a packet for his dear cousin Rosamond. What then?"

"Then my cousin Richard would have done a very unwise and inconsiderate thing, and one of which I should not have suspected him," said I, trying to answer quietly, though my heart beat and my cheeks glowed. "He knows my position here, and that such a step must needs compromise me with my superiors."

"But your superiors need not know everything, simple maiden," she answered, in her light fashion, and then dropping a packet in my lap, she fled away, and I presently heard her singing some light French love song in the garden.

The packet was not a large one, and it was directed in Richard's hand-writing. I own I was tempted to open it on the spot, and I dare say I should have done so, but just then, Sister Catherine entered. She has greatly affected this shrine since the Queen came hither, though I never saw her near it before. Her eyes fell on the packet before I had time to put it up, as I certainly should have done.

"So!" she exclaimed, in a tone of triumph! "So, fair Rosamond, this is the secret of your devotion to St. Ethelburga's shrine, is it? So this is our young saint, who watches, and prays, and translates devout books." Then changing her tone—"Ah, Rosamond, Rosamond, beware! You are on the high road to destruction. How dare you profane this holy place with love tokens, aye, and love meetings, for aught I know? Is it not enough to draw down the vengeance of heaven not only on yourself, but on all this house and family?"

By this time, I was quite cool and collected. "You are making a leap in the dark, as usual, Sister Catherine," I said. "This packet has but just been put into my hands, and if you will go with me, yourself shall see me put it unopened into those of Mother Superior. And since we are here together, let us remember the Bishop's sermon, and join our prayers for that charity of which he spoke, which thinketh no evil, but hopeth all things."

She looked taken aback for a moment, and then—"Ah, sister, sister! But I am thankful if my chance incoming saved you from profaning this holy place, even once. I do not doubt you will now give that package to Mother Superior, unopened. But how many have already been received and read here?"

At this I lost patience. "Methinks, sister, your head must be very full of love tokens, and such matters, since you must needs be talking of them in the very chapel itself," I said. "Perhaps, if you have exhausted the subject, you will give me leave to say my prayers;" and with that I withdrew myself to the other side, and knelt down to my devotions, which I fear were too full of distractions to be very acceptable. I was angry at Richard for bringing me into such a scrape, and at Mistress Bullen for helping him; I was angry at Sister Catherine for her unkind construction, and at myself, for retorting on her. Beside I forsaw real and serious annoyance, growing out of Richard's imprudence.

When I had finished, I rose and said to Sister Catherine, "Now, if you will go with me, you shall be satisfied."

"If I go with you, it will be from no idle curiosity, but to save you from committing another sin," said she, severely.

I made her no answer, and we went together, and in silence, to Mother Superior's room, where we found her looking over some papers.

"So!" said she, sharply. "Sister Catherine, I was about sending for you. Rosamond, what brings you hither?"

"A sad occasion, dear Mother," answered Sister Catherine, before I had time to speak. "I bring you a sinner, but let us hope a repentant one, and I entreat you, dearest Mother, to consider her youth and the temptations under which she hath lately been placed, and not judge her hardly. Rosamond hath received—from what source I know not certainly, though I have a shrewd guess—a private packet. Yes, even in the holy shrine of St. Ethelburga, where sacrilege hath been so fearfully avenged before this time, she hath received a love token—how many more I know not. Alas! The post of a favorite is ever a dangerous one, and pride goeth before a fall!"

"What is all this, Rosamond?" asked Mother Superior, turning to me.

For all answer I told her as shortly and plainly as I could, what had chanced, suppressing only the name of Mistress Anne, as not fit to be revealed before Sister Catherine.

"But who was the go-between and messenger?" asked Sister Catherine. "Methinks our young Sister's confession is incomplete. Alas, that I should live to see this holy house fall into such disorder. But I ever said what would come of these irregularities. We shall see no good till we are reformed from top to bottom."

"Sister Catherine, with your leave, I will judge of this matter myself," said Mother Superior, sharply; "and, meantime, I must needs say, you forget yourself strangely when you take the words out of my mouth and use such language to me, who am the head of this house. Do you talk to me of disorders, and that when your own charge is so misordered and neglected, as I have found it only this morning? Betake yourself to the wardrobe and store-room, and leave them not while a grain of dust or a cobweb remains. Let every piece of cloth and linen, yea, every napkin and kerchief, and skein of thread be taken down and folded anew, and the shelves wiped clean of dust and mold, and let all presses and drawers be filled with fresh rose leaves, lavender and southernwood. Leave not your work either for meal-time or recreation till it is finished; and when I next visit the wardrobe let me find the neatness and order befitting a religious house. Public penance may be well, but secret humility and faithfulness are far better. And do you not breathe a word of this matter to any living soul, if you would avoid such discipline as will bring you neither comfort nor honor. I have long borne with your carelessness in your own charge, and your ceaseless meddling and impertinence, out of pity for your weakness; but faithfulness to mine own duty will let me endure it no longer. Go, and presume not to show your face either at table or recreation until your work is finished. As you cannot well fold the clothes alone, I will send Sister Bridget to help you; but mind, let not a word be spoken between you, save what your work absolutely demands."

Angry as I was at poor Sister Catherine, I did feel sorry for her, though I knew the reproof was just. The wardrobe and store-room have been fearfully misordered of late, so that the moths have got into everything. Sister Catherine was so taken aback that she was retiring at once, when Mother Superior recalled her.

"Do you go without any sign?" said she. "Is that the way you receive reproof and command?"

Sister Catherine knelt and kissed the ground at the superior's feet. Again I felt truly sorry for her. When she was gone, Mother turned to me.

"And you, minion, what is this I hear? Must you turn giglet on my hands? Let me hear what you have to say on this matter, and beware you tell me nothing but truth."

I felt my pride rising, but I put it down, and kneeling at her feet I laid the packet on her lap with the seal unbroken.

"From whom had you this?" she asked.

I told her from Mrs. Anne Bullen.

"And who sent it?" she asked again.

I told her that the hand was my cousin Richard's, and that Mrs. Bullen told me it came from him, but farther than that I did not know. I ventured to add that it had but just been placed in my hands when Sister Catherine came in. She looked at the packet, and her face relaxed as she saw the seals were unbroken.

"Rosamond," said she, laying her hand on my head, as I knelt before her, and speaking with great earnestness: "you were given me by your own mother, the dearest friend I ever had, and I have loved you like a daughter. I have ever found you open and true as the day, and I cannot but believe you so still, though appearances are against you. Tell me, as if you were speaking to the priest at confession. Is this the first time you have received packet or token from your cousin?"

"From my cousin, or any one else," I told her.

"And what had Mistress Bullen to say to you?"

I repeated every word, as near as I could remember. She laid the packet aside, and seemed to muse a little, still keeping her hand on my head.

"Well, well, I believe you and trust you," she said, finally. "Do you leave the matter with me, and avoid any intimacy or conversation with Mrs. Bullen, so far as you can without exciting remark. Remember that though you have not taken the vows, you have promised your mother and been promised by her, and that 'tis a deadly sin for a religious so much as to entertain a thought of earthly love. It is treason to your heavenly Bridegroom, to whom all your allegiance is due. He has called you to a grace compared to which the highest earthly marriage is degradation and pollution; and the day that sees you vowed to Him will be the proudest of your life."

Much more she said in the same strain, as to the putting down all earthly affections and desires, and remembering that I had now no more to do with the world in any form. "You have talent and address," she concluded, "and I would fain train you up to succeed me in this chair, though it is a seat of thorns. The notion hath somehow gotten abroad that the discipline of this house is relaxed and disordered. It was that which brought us the Bishop's unexpected visit. I fear I have indeed been lax in government, and that some irregularities have crept in, as in the case of the wardrobe and storerooms, which could never have gotten into such a state if they had had due superintendence. So soon as the Queen leaves us we must have a thorough reform. Go now, my child, and as this is not your day of attendance on the Queen, you shall return to your translation, which I fear has fared but badly of late."

And with that she gave me her blessing and dismissed me to my work. I suppose I am very perverse. When Richard's packet was in my hand I was so angry with him for his thoughtlessness that I cared only to get rid of it; and now that it is out of my reach I would give anything to have it again. I dare say it is nothing after all but a simple brotherly gift, with some book of devotion or case of working tools, such as I remember he promised to send me. I am not sorry I gave it to Mother Superior, because it was the right thing to do; but—but I am a fool, and there is an end. I will never believe that Richard hath become any such court gallant as Mrs. Anne says. 'Twas not in his nature, and if I had read his letter I should have found it just such a simple, blundering epistle as he used to write me from Exeter. Strange, how my mind runs on it!