Chapter XXV: Being a Brief Memoir by the Honorable and Venerable Man

Known in These Pages as Josiah Traylor, Who Saw the Great Procession of Events between Andrew Jackson and Woodrow Wilson and Especially the Making and the End of Lincoln

“CHARGE IT”

OR

KEEPING UP WITH HARRY

A story of fashionable extravagance and of the successful efforts to restrain it made by The Honorable Socrates Potter the genial friend of Lizzie

BY

IRVING BACHELLER

MCMXII CONTENTS CHAP. PAGE I. In Which Harry Swiftly Passes from One Stage of His Career to Another 1 II. Which Begins the Story of the Bishop’s Head 11 III. Which Is the Story of the Pimpled Queen and the Black Spot 33 IV. In Which Socrates Encounters “New Thought” and Psychological Hair 45 V. In Which Socrates Discusses the Over-Production of Talk 55 VI. In Which Betsey Commits an Indiscretion 69 VII. In Which Socrates Attacks the Worst Doers and Best Sellers 75 VIII. In Which Socrates Attacks the Helmet and the Battle-Ax 84 IX. In Which Socrates Increases the Supply of Splendor 91 X. In Which Socrates Breaks the Drag and Tandem Monopoly in Pointview 99 XI. In Which Sundry People Make Great Discoveries 106 XII. In Which Harry Is Forced to Abandon Swamp Fiction and Like Follies and to Study the Geography and Natives of a Land Unknown to Our Heiristocracy 118 XIII. In Which the Minister Gets Into Love and Trouble 127 XIV. In Which Socrates Discovers a New Folly 139 XV. In Which Harry Returns to Pointview and Goes to Work 148 XVI. Which Presents an Incident in Our Campaign Against New New England 171 XVII. Which Presents a Decisive Incident in Our Campaign Against Old New England 176 ILLUSTRATIONS “SHE WISHED ME TO SUGGEST SOMETHING FOR HER TO DO” Frontispiece “WHAT DIDN’T THEY SAY? THEY FLEW AT ME LIKE WILDCATS.” 60 “‘IT’S THE VAN ALSTYNE CREST,’ I SAID. ‘IT’S A PROOF OF RESPECTABILITY.’” 86 “RADIANT IN SILK, LACE, DIAMONDS, PEARLS, AND RUBIES” 94 “HARRY’S PET COLLIE HAD COME UP TO THE BACK DOOR WITH A HUMAN SKULL IN HIS MOUTH” 148 “HE LOOKED LIKE A MAN WITH A WOODEN LEG” 188

THE PRODIGAL VILLAGE

A Christmas Tale

By

IRVING BACHELLER CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I Which Introduces the Shepherd of the Birds 1 II The Founding of the Phyllistines 18 III Which Tells of the Complaining Coin and the Man Who Lost His Self 68 IV In Which Mr. Israel Sneed and Other Working Men Receive a Lesson in True Democracy 91 V In Which J. Patterson Bing Buys a Necklace of Pearls 103 VI In Which Hiram Blenkinsop Has a Number of Adventures 117 VII In Which High Voltage Develops in the Conversation 137 VIII In Which Judge Crooker Delivers a Few Opinions 146 IX Which Tells of a Merry Christmas Day in the Little Cottage of the Widow Moran 163

THE HAND-MADE GENTLEMAN A Tale of the Battles of Peace By Irving Bacheller

CONTENTS