Chapter II: Amusing and Satirical Indexes

"It will thus often happen that the controversialist states his
case first in the title-page; he then gives it at greater length
in the introduction; again perhaps in a preface; a third time in
an analytical form through means of a table of contents; after
all this skirmishing he brings up his heavy columns in the body
of the book; and if he be very skilfull he may let fly a few
Parthian arrows from the index."--J. HILL BURTON'S
_Book-Hunter_.

ne of the last things the genuine indexer thinks of is to make his work amusing; but some wits have been very successful in producing humorous indexes, and others have seen their way to make an author ridiculous by satirically perverting his meaning in the form of an ordinary index. We can find specimens of each of these classes.

Leigh Hunt has a charming little paper, "A Word upon Indexes," in his _Indicator_. He writes: "Index-making has been held to be the driest as well as lowest species of writing. We shall not dispute the humbleness of it; but since we have had to make an index ourselves,[6] we have discovered that the task need not be so very dry. Calling to mind indexes in general, we found them presenting us a variety of pleasant memories and contrasts. We thought of those to the Spectator, which we used to look at so often at school, for the sake of choosing a paper to abridge. We thought of the index to the Pantheon of Fabulous Histories of the Heathen Gods, which we used to look at oftener. We remember how we imagined we should feel some day, if ever our name should appear in the list of Hs; as thus, Home, Howard, Hume, Huniades, ----. The poets would have been better, but then the names, though perhaps less unfitting, were not so flattering; as for instance Halifax, Hammond, Harte, Hughes, ----. We did not like to come after Hughes."

[6] To the original edition of the _Indicator_; the reprint (2
vols. 8vo, 1834) has no index.

The indexes to the _Tatler_ and the _Spectator_ are full of piquancy, and possess that admirable quality of making the consulter wish to read the book itself. The entries are so enticing that they lead you on to devour the whole book. Hunt writes of them: "We have just been looking at the indexes to the Tatler and Spectator, and never were more forcibly struck with the feeling we formerly expressed about a man's being better pleased with other writers than with himself. Our index seemed the poorest and most second-hand in the world after theirs: but let any one read theirs, and then call an index a dry thing if he can. As there 'is a soul of goodness in things evil' so there is a soul of humour in things dry, and in things dry by profession. Lawyers know this, as well as index-makers, or they would die of sheer thirst and aridity. But as grapes, ready to burst with wine, issue out of the most stony places, like jolly fellows bringing burgundy out of a cellar; so an Index, like the _Tatler's_, often gives us a taste of the quintessence of his humour." The very title gives good promise of what is to be found in the book: "A faithful Index of the dull as well as the ingenious passages in the Tatlers."

Here are a few entries chosen at random:

Vol. 1--
"Bachelor's scheme to govern a wife."
"Knaves prove fools."

Vol. 2--
"Actors censured for adding words of their own in their parts."
"Dead men, who."
"Dead persons heard, judged and censured.
---- Allegations laid against them, their pleas."
"Love letters before and after marriage, found in a grave."
"Mathematical sieve to sift impertinences in writing and
discourse."
"News, Old People die in France."

Vol. 3--
"Flattery of women, its ill consequences."
"Maids of Honour, their allowance of Beef for their Breakfast in
Queen Elizabeth's time."
"Silence, significant on many occasions.
---- Instances of it."

Vol. 4--
"Blockheads apt to admire one another."
"Female Library proposed for the Improvement of the Sex."
"Night, longer formerly in this Island than at present."

In 1757 _A General Index to the Spectators, Tatlers, and Guardians_ was published, and in 1760 the same work was re-issued with a new title-page. Certain supposed blots in the original indexes were here corrected and the following explanation made in the preface: "Notwithstanding the learning and care of the compilers of the first Indexes to these volumes, some slight inaccuracies have passed, and where observed they are altered. Few readers who desire to know Mr. Bickerstaff's Opinion of the Comedy called the Country Wife, or the character of Mrs. Bickerstaff as an actress, would consult the Index under the word _Acts_." This seems to refer to an entry in the index to the first volume of the _Tatler_:

"Acts the Country-Wife: (Mrs. Bignel)."

The index to the original edition of the _Spectator_ is equally good with that of the _Tatler_, but the entries are longer and more elaborate than those in the latter. The references are not made to the pages, as is the case with the _Tatler_, but to the numbers of the papers. The following entries are worthy of quotation:

Vol. 2--

"Gentry of England generally speaking in debt."
"Great men not truly known till some years after their deaths."
"Women, the English excel all other nations in beauty.
---- Signs of their improvement under the Spectator's hands.
---- Their pains in all ages to adorn the outside of their
heads."

A precursor of the _Tatler_ and _Spectator_ was the curious _Athenian Oracle_, of the eccentric John Dunton, each volume of which contained "An Alphabetical Table for the speedy finding of any questions, by a member of the Athenian Society," from which the following amusing entries are taken:

"Ark, what became of it after the Flood?"

"Bees, a swarm lit upon the Crown and Scepter in Cheapside,
what do they portend?"

"Hawthorn-tree at Glassenbury, what think you of it?"

"Noah's flood, whither went the waters?"

"Pied Piper, was he a man or daemon?"

"Triumphant Arch erected in Cheapside 1691, described."

A selection from this curious seventeenth-century miscellany was made by Mr. J. Underhill, and published by Walter Scott a few years ago.

Shenstone's _Schoolmistress_ is one of the works of genius which is little known in the present day, but well repays perusal. A humorous table of contents was prepared by the author, which he styled an index. He wrote: "I have added a ludicrous index purely to show (fools) that I am in jest." This was afterwards omitted, but D'Israeli reprinted it in his _Curiosities of Literature_. It contains an amusing _precis_ of the chief points of the poem; the whole is short, and a few extracts will give an idea of its plan:

"A CIRCUMSTANCE in the situation of the mansion of early
Discipline, discovering the surprising influence of the
connexion of ideas."

"SOME peculiarities indicative of a country school, with a short
sketch of the sovereign presiding over it."

"SOME account of her night-cap, apron and a tremendous
description of her birchen sceptre."

"HER titles and punctilious nicety in the ceremonious assertion
of them."

"A VIEW of this rural potentate as seated in her chair of state,
conferring honours distributing bounties and dispensing
proclamations."

Gay composed a full and humorous index for his interesting picture of eighteenth-century London--_Trivia_. The poet added a few entries to the index in the quarto edition of his _Poems_ (1720). The following selected references will show the character of the index:

"Asses, their arrogance."
"Autumn, what cries then in use."
"Bully, his insolence to be corrected."
"Chairs and chariots prejudicial to health."
"Cellar, the misfortune of falling into one."
"Coach fallen into a hole described."
"Glazier, his skill at football."
"London, its happiness before the invention of Coaches and Chairs."
"Periwigs, how stolen off the head."
"Quarrels for the wall to be avoided."
"Schoolboys, mischievous in frosty weather."
"Wall, to whom to be given.
---- to whom to be denied."
"Women, the ill consequence of gazing on them."

Of modern examples of the amusing index, by far the best is that added to the inimitable _Biglow Papers_ by the accomplished author, James Russell Lowell. Here are some extracts from the index to the First Series:

"Adam, eldest son of, respected."

"Babel, probably the first congress."

"Birch, virtue of, in instilling certain of the dead languages."

"Caesar, a tribute to. His _Veni, Vidi, Vici_ censured for undue
prolixity."

"Castles, Spanish, comfortable accommodation in."

"Eating Words, habit of, convenient in time of famine."

"Longinus recommends swearing (Fuseli did the same thing)."

"No, a monosyllable. Hard to utter."

"Noah enclosed letter in bottle, probably."

"Ulysses, husband of Penelope. Borrows money. (For full
particulars see _Homer_ and _Dante_.)"

"Wrong, abstract, safe to oppose."

The following are from the Second Series:

"Antony of Padua, Saint, happy in his hearers."

"Applause, popular, the _summum bonum_."

"'Atlantic,' editors of, See _Neptune_. [There is no entry under
Neptune.]"

"Belmont. See _Woods_."

"Bible, not composed for use of coloured persons."

"Charles I, accident to his neck."

"Ezekiel would make a poor figure at a Caucus."

"Facts, their unamiability. Compared to an old fashioned
stage-coach."

"Family trees, a primitive forest of."

"Jeremiah hardly the best guide in modern politics."

"Missionaries, useful to alligators. Culinary liabilities of."

"Rum and water combine kindly."

"Shoddy, poor covering for outer or inner man."

"'They'll say,' a notable bully."

"Woods, the, See _Belmont_."

"World, this, its unhappy temper."

"Writing, dangerous to reputation."

The witty Dr. William King, student of Christ Church, Oxford, and afterwards Judge of the Irish Court of Admiralty, presented an example of the skilled controversialist spoken of by Hill Burton as letting fly "a few Parthian arrows from the Index." He was dubbed by Isaac D'Israeli the inventor of satirical indexes, and he certainly succeeded in producing several ill-natured ones.

When the wits of Christ Church produced under the name of the Hon. Charles Boyle the clever volume with which they thought to annihilate the great Dr. Bentley, Dr. King was the one who assisted by producing a bitter index.

The first edition of _Dr. Bentley's Dissertation on the Epistles of Phalaris and the Fables of Esop examin'd_ (1698) has no index; but Dr. King's work was added to the second edition published in the same year. It was styled, _A short account of Dr. Bentley by way of Index_. Then follows:

"Dr. Bentley's true story of the MS. prov'd false by the
testimonies of
---- Mr. Bennet, p. 6.
---- Mr. Gibson, p. 7.
---- Dr. King, p. 8.
---- Dr. Bentley, p. 19."
"Dr. Bentley's civil usage of Mr. Boyle.
"His civil language to
---- Mr. Boyle.
---- Sir W. Temple.
"His singular humanity to
---- Mr. Boyle.
---- Sir Edward Sherburne.
humanity to Foreigners.
"His Ingenuity in
---- relating matters of fact.
---- citing authors.
---- transcribing and plundering
notes and prefaces of
---- Mr. Boyle.
---- Vizzanius.
---- Nevelet.
---- Camerarius.
---- Editor of Hesychius.
---- Salmasius.
---- Dr. Bentley.
"His appeal to Foreigners.
---- a suspicious plan.
---- a false one.
"His modesty and decency in contradicting great men.
"(Long list from Plato to Every body).
"His happiness in confident assertions for want
---- of Reading.
---- of Judgment.
---- of Sincerity.
"His profound skill in Criticism
From beginning to
The End."

This is certainly more vindictive than witty.

All the wits rushed madly into the fray, and Swift, in his "Battel fought last Friday between the Antient and Modern Books in St. James's Library," committed himself irretrievably to the wrong side in this way: "A captain whose name was B-ntl-y, in person the most deformed of all the moderns; tall but without shape or comeliness, large but without strength or proportion. His armour was patched up of a thousand incoherent pieces...."

Then look at the leader of the opposing host: "Boyl clad in a suit of armor which had been given him by all the gods immediately advanced against the trembling foe, who now fled before him."

It is amazing that such a perverted judgment should have been given by some of our greatest writers, but all is to be traced to Bentley's defects of temper, so that Dr. King was not altogether wrong in his index.

Sir George Trevelyan in his _Life of Macaulay_ refers to Bentley's famous maxim (which in print and talk alike he dearly loved to quote), that no man was ever written down except by himself, and quotes what the historian wrote after perhaps his tenth perusal of Bishop Monk's life of the great critic: "Bentley seems to me an eminent instance of the extent to which intellectual powers of a most rare and admirable kind may be impaired by moral defects."

Charles Boyle's book went through four editions, and still there was silence; but at last appeared the "immortal" _Dissertation_, as Porson calls it, which not only defeated his enemies, but routed them completely. Bentley's _Dissertation upon the Epistles of Phalaris_, with an answer to the objections of the Hon. C. Boyle, Esq., first appeared in 1699. De Quincey described it as one of the three most triumphant dissertations existing upon the class of historico-critical problems, "All three are loaded with a superfetation of evidence, and conclusive beyond what the mind altogether wishes."[7] In another place De Quincey points out the line of argument followed by Bentley: "It was by anachronisms of this character that Bentley detected the spuriousness of the letters ascribed to Phalaris. Sicilian towns, &c., were in those letters called by names that did not arise until that prince had been dead for centuries. Manufactures were mentioned that were of much later invention. As handles for this exposure of a systematic forgery, which oftentimes had a moral significance, these indications were valuable, and gave excessive brilliancy to that immortal dissertation of Bentley's."[8]

[7] _Rosicrucians and Free-Masons_ (De Quincey's _Works_, vol.
13, p. 388).

[8] _Memorial Chronology_ (De Quincey's _Works_, vol. 14, p. 309).

The fate which the wits thought to bring upon Bentley fell upon them, and they quarrelled among themselves. It was believed that Charles Boyle, when credit was to be obtained, looked upon himself as author of the book; but afterwards, when it was discredited, he only awaited the public trial of the conspirators to wash his hands of the whole affair. Atterbury, who had much to do with the production of the volume, was particularly annoyed by Boyle's conduct. He wrote to Boyle: "In laying the design of the book, in writing above half of it, in reviewing [revising] a great part of the rest, in transcribing the whole and attending the press, half a year of my life went away. What I promised myself from hence was that some service would be done to your reputation, and that you would think so. In the first of these I was not mistaken--in the latter I am. When you were abroad, sir, the highest you could prevail with yourself to go in your opinion of the book was, that you hoped it would do you no harm. When you returned I supposed you would have seen that it had been far from hurting you. However, you have not thought fit to let me know your mind on this matter; for since you came to England, no one expression, that I know of, has dropped from you that could give me reason to believe you had any opinion of what I had done, or even took it kindly from me."[9]

[9] _Memoirs of Bishop Atterbury_, compiled by Folkestone
Williams, vol. i. (1869), p. 42.

In the same year (1698) King turned his attention to a less formidable antagonist than the great Bentley. His _Journey to London_ is a very ingenious parody of Dr. Martin Lister's _Journey to Paris_, and, the pages of the original being referred to, it forms an index to that book.

The Royal Society in its early years had to pass through a long period of ridicule and misrepresentation. The author of _Hudibras_ commenced the crusade, but the gibes of Butler were easier to bear than those of Dr. William King, who was particularly savage against Sir Hans Sloane. _The Transactioneer_ (1700) and _Useful Transactions in Philosophy_ (1708-1709) were very galling to the distinguished naturalist, and annoyed the Royal Society, whose _Philosophical Transactions_ were unmercifully laughed at. To both the tracts referred to were prefixed satirical tables of contents, and what made them the more annoying was that the author's own words were very ingeniously used and turned against him. King writes: "The bulls and blunders which Sloane and his friends so naturally pour forth cannot be misrepresented, so careful I am in producing them."

Here is a specimen of the contents of _The Transactioneer_:

"The Tatler's Opinion of a Virtuoso."
"Some Account of Sir Hans Sloane.
---- of Dr. Salmon.
---- of Mr. Oldenburg.
---- of Dr. Plot."
"The Compiling of the Philosophical Transactions the work of a
single person.
---- the excellence of his style.
---- his clearness and perspicacity.
---- Genius to Poetry.
---- Verses on Jamaica Pepper.
---- Politicks in Gardening.
---- Skill in Botanicks."

The following appear in the contents of the "Voyage to Cajamai" in _Useful Transactions_:

Preface of the author--

"Knew a white bramble in a dark room."

Author's introduction--

"Mountains higher than hills."

"Hay good for horses."

The most important of King's indexes was that added to Bromley's _Travels_, because it had the effect of balking a distinguished political character of his ambition of filling the office of Speaker of the House of Commons.

William Bromley (1664-1732), after leaving Christ Church, Oxford, spent several years in travelling on the Continent. He was elected a Member of Parliament in 1689, and soon occupied a prominent position among the non-jurors. In 1692 he published "_Remarks in the Grande Tour of France and Italy, lately performed by a Person of quality._ London. Printed by E. H. for Tho. Basset at the George in Fleet Street, 1692." A second edition appeared in the following year: "_Remarks made in Travels through France and Italy, with many Publick Inscriptions. Lately taken by a Person of Quality_. London (Thomas Basset) 1693."

In March, 1701-1702, Bromley was elected Member of Parliament for the University of Oxford, which he continued to represent during the remainder of his life. In 1702 he published another volume of travels: "_Several Years' Travels through Portugal, Spain, Italy, Germany, Prussia, Sweden, Denmark and the United Provinces performed by a Gentleman_."

In 1705 Bromley was supposed to have pre-eminent claims to the Speakership, which office was then vacant; but what was supposed to be a certainty was turned into failure by the action of his opponents. They took the opportunity of reprinting his _Remarks_, with the addition of a satirical index, as an electioneering squib. This reprint appeared as "_Remarks in the Grand Tour ... performed by a Person of Quality in the year 1691_. The second edition to which is added a table of the principal matters. London. Printed for John Nutt near Stationers' Hall, 1705." This was really the third edition, but probably the reprinters overlooked the edition of 1693. It was reprinted with the original licence of "Rob. Midgley, Feb. 20th, 1691-2."

In the Bodleian copy of this book there is a manuscript note by Dr. Rawlinson to the effect that this index was drawn up by Robert Harley, Earl of Oxford; but this was probably only a party rumour. Dr. Parr possessed Bromley's own copy of the reprint with the following manuscript note by the author:

"This edition of these travels is a specimen of the good nature
and good manners of the Whigs, and I have reason to believe of
one of the ministry (very conversant in this sort of calumny)
for the sake of publishing '_the Table of the principal matters
&c_' to expose me whom the gentlemen of the Church of England
designed to be Speaker of the House of Commons, in the
Parliament, that met Oct. 25 1705. When notwithstanding the
Whigs and Court joining to keep me out of the chair, and the
greatest violence towards the Members, turning out some, and
threatening others, to influence their votes, I had the honour
(and I shall ever esteem it a greater honour than my
competitor's success) to have the suffrages of 205 disinterested
gentlemen for me: such a number as never lost such a question
before; and such as, with the addition of those that by force,
and contrary to their inclination, with the greatest reluctance
voted against me, must have prevailed for me.

"This was a very malicious proceeding; my words and meaning
plainly perverted in several places; which if they had been
improper, and any observations trifling or impertinent, an
allowance was due for my being very young, when they were made.
But the performances of others, not entitled to such allowance
may be in this manner exposed, as appears by the like Tables
published for the Travels of Bp. Burnet and Mr. Addison. _Wm.
Bromley._"

Dr. Parr took this all very seriously, and set great value upon the book. He added a note to that written by Bromley, in which he said:

"Mr. Bromley was very much galled with the republication, and
the ridiculous, but not untrue, representation of the contents.
Such a work would unavoidably expose the author to derision:
instead therefore of suffering it to be sold after my death, and
to become a subject of contemptuous gossip, or an instrument of
party annoyance, I think it a proper act of respect and kindness
for the Bromley family, for me to put it in possession of the
Rev. Mr. Davenport Bromley, upon the express condition that he
never sells it nor gives it away, that, after reading it, he
seals it up carefully and places it where no busy eye, nor
thievish hand can reach it.
"S. P."

This note was written in 1823, and the precautions taken by Parr seem rather belated. Even the family were little likely to mind the public seeing a political skit more than a century old, which did no dishonour to their ancestor's character.

It is very probable that Harley was at the expense of reprinting the book, as it is reported that every one who came to his house was asked if he had seen Mr. Bromley's _Travels_; and when the answer was in the negative, Harley at once fetched a copy, which he presented to his visitor. There is no doubt, however, that the index was drawn up by Dr. King.

The index is neither particularly amusing nor clever, but it is very ill-natured. Dr. Parr infers that the book is not misrepresented, but there can be little doubt that the index is in most instances very unfair. Thus the first entry in the table is:

"Chatham, where and how situated, viz. on the other side of
Rochester bridge, though commonly reported to be on this side,
p. 1."

The passage indexed is quite clear, and contains the natural statement of a fact.

"Lodged at Rochester, an episcopal seat in the same county
[Kent]. The cathedral church is plain and decent, and the city
appears well peopled. When I left it and passed the Bridge I was
at Chatham, the famous Dock, where so many of our great ships
are built."

The following are some further entries from the index:

"Dover and Calais neither of them places of Strength tho'
frontier towns, p. 2."

"Boulogne the first city on the French shore, lies on the coast,
p. 2." [These are the same words as in the book.]

"Crosses and Crucifixes on the Roads in France prove it not
England, p. 3."

The passage here indexed is as follows:

"Crosses and Crucifixes are so plentiful every where on this
road, that from them alone an Englishman will be satisfied he is
out of his own country; besides the Roads are much better than
ours."

"Eight pictures take up less room than sixteen of the same size,
p. 14."

This is founded on the following:

"They contain the Histories of the Old and New Testaments, and
are placed in two rows one above the other; those that represent
the Old Testament are in the uppermost reaching round the room
and are sixteen. Those of the new are under them, but being only
eight reach not so far as the former, and where no pictures are
be the doors to the presses where the sacred vestments are
kept."

"Travelling by night not proper to take a view of the adjacent
countries, p. 223."

This is a version of the following:

"The heat of the weather made travelling in the night most
desirable and we chose it between Sienna and Florence.... By
this means I could see little of the country."

"The Duchess dowager of Savoy who was grandmother to the present
Duke was mother to his father, p. 243."

This is a perversion of the following perfectly natural observation:

"This was designed by the Dutchess Christina grandmother of this
Duke in the minority of her son (his father) in 1660."

The entry, "Jews at Legorn not obliged to wear red hats, p. 223," contains nothing absurd, but rather is an interesting piece of information, because the Jews were obliged to wear these hats in other parts of Italy, and it was the knowledge of this fact that induced Macklin to wear a red hat when acting Shylock, a personation which induced an admirer to exclaim:

"This is the Jew
That Shakespeare drew."

Such perversions as these could have done Bromley, one would think, little harm; but the real harm done consisted in bringing to light and insisting upon the author's political attitude when he referred to King William and Queen Mary as "the Prince and Princess of Orange." The passage is as follows:

"A gallery, where among the pictures of Christian Princes are
those of King Charles the Second and his Queen, King James the
Second and his Queen and the Prince and Princess of Orange."

It would indeed seem strange that one who had thus referred to his King and Queen should occupy so important a public office as Speaker of the House of Commons. Another ground of offence was that when in Rome he kissed the Pope's slipper.

Although Bromley was disappointed in 1705, his time came; and after the Tory reaction consequent on the trial of Sacheverell he was in 1710 chosen Speaker without opposition. There is a portrait of Bromley in the University Picture Gallery in the Bodleian at Oxford.