Chapter I: Front Matter

[Transcibers note:

This text version uses underscores, '_', to show _italic_ and '=' is used to indicate =bold=.

Mostly, the original text has been left alone complete with misspellings, inconsistencies, etc. as these are part of the charm of the book. Also, inconsistent hyphenation and paragraphs that end in commas have also been left as per the original.

Minor punctuation and apparent printing errors have been corrected without note.

A list of changes that have been made is shown at the end of the book.]

HIGH LIFE IN NEW YORK.

BY

JONATHAN SLICK, ESQ.,

OF

WEATHERSFIELD, CONNECTICUT.

A SERIES OF

LETTERS TO MR. ZEPHARIAH SLICK, JUSTICE OF THE PEACE, AND
DEACON OF THE CHURCH OVER TO WEATHERSFIELD
IN THE STATE OF CONNECTICUT.

EMBELLISHED WITH ILLUSTRATIVE ENGRAVINGS.

_Philadelphia_:
T. B. PETERSON AND BROTHERS,
806 CHESTNUT STREET.

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873, by

T. B. PETERSON & BROTHERS.,

In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C.

JONATHAN SENDS A PREFACE.

A letter was dispatched to Weathersfield requesting Mr. Slick to forward a preface for his volume of epistles, but that gentleman instead sent the following letter, which is so full of his own peculiar humor that his friends will no doubt gladly accept of it in lieu of one.

THE PUBLISHERS.

WEATHERSFIELD, CONNECTICUT.

Gentlemen, Surs:

Your letter got tu the old humstead last night, nigh upon bed time, and it eenamost upsot me to think that a feller that's printed so many smashing books, had got a notion tu print my Letters tu, and asked my consent jest as mealy mouthed as a feller asks the gal he's been a courting to yoke in with him for life.

Now about the price of them are letters when they are all fixed out in a book. I ain't much acquainted with that sort of trading; but I reckon you'll have to go a notch higher yit. I never yit heard of a Slick's taking the fust offer for any thing, and I've cut my eye teeth as well as the rest on 'em, if I du write. Say ten or fifteen dollars more now, and mebby it'll du, providing you give in a set of them are stories of the Revolution with picters, and some of the smashing novels that have got your names tu them, for my book-shelf in the back-room. Come up tu the mark on this point, and I'll agree tu sign off any time you want me tu, and I hope the book'll go off like a flash of lightning down a forked rod.

But you want me to write something with a pesky new fangled name that has eenamost upsot me. Write a preface! What on arth is a preface? I can pull an even yoke with any York chap yet, at writing a letter; but when you come to talk of prefaces, darn me if I know what the critters are. Your letter kinder riled me up. The first thing I did was to get down the old goose quill and ink-bottle and go to work. I was a'most tuckered out a grinding cider all day, but the thoughts of having my name on the kiver of a smashing book with picters in it, sot my genius to working like a yeast pot; but then how tu begin with this new-fangled consarn--there it was agin. I got the old dictionary and tried to find out what a preface was; but I might as well have tried to make timber out of pine shavings. "Something to go before a speech, or a book, or an essay, to tell what they're about." Now if it had said an old hoss leading off an ox-team with a cart behind, I could have sent the animal at once, fresh and chirk from the cider mill; but how to tackle an idea on a book and make it pull, is more than I am up to, without knowing more about the sort of literary animal you want to use, and the harness that fits him. I ain't rusted out yit, by no manner of means; but I don't mean to make a coot of myself by tackling in with any strange animal till I know what he is. Now take a pen in hand tu once and let me know what it is that you want, and you can depend on me, fodder or no fodder; but keep dark about my having to ask about it. I don't want all the literary chaps in York a poking fun at me.

Wal, yes, I ain't ashamed to own it, I am tickled eenamost tu death with the idee of my letters being printed in a harnsome book with tip-top picters in it. But about my likeness, taken for the _Morning Express_ when I first come tu York, with the corn-colored coat and pepper-and-salt trowsers and old bell crown--gauly, how I sot by that old hat! Wal, as I was saying about that are likeness, I han't no objections tu its going inside the kiver jest as it was. But like all great literary characters, I reckon there's been a pretty considerable improvement in me since I began to write, and, like our old barn that's been shingled and clapboarded over, I'm the same critter yet, timbers and all; but I reckon you'll find that I've slicked up the outside a few, and grown a little more pussy since the old pepper-and-salt saw the day.

Now I'll tell you jest how you'd better manage it. Put the picter you speak on inside the kiver; but on the outside jest have me pictered out in a bran new hat, that Mr. Genin sent me jest afore I left York. It's about as near like the old one, as a son ought to be like his par. Don't forget my velvet vest, finefied off with curlecues, and my blue coat with the shining buttons; and if you don't git a picter that'll make the gals' eyes water, your artists down there in York don't know a good looking chap when they see him, or can't paint him if they du.

Now about writing another book, I raly don't know what tu say. Them letters of mine eenamost tuckered me out at the time; but somehow I'd give all creation to be at 'em again, and one of these days I may pluck up grit and take a trip over tu England. If I du, by the living hokey, you'll find John Bull in a tantrum by the time I've got through with him. That are English lord that I writ about in my letters, gave me an invite tu come tu England, and mebby he'll see a good looking chap about my size on t'other side the fishing pond some day or other. Who knows?

You want to know if I feel content to give up life among the big bugs in New York, and settle down here in the country. Wal, now, between you and I and the post, I du feel a trifle melancholy now and then. Foddering cattle, going tu mill and chopping ovenwood ain't jest the thing tu rile up the poetry in a feller's bosom; and onion tops and garden sars generally ain't considered the sort of greens that a literary chap wants put round his head, though they're awful refreshing to the stomach. But then again, my par, the deacon, is getting to be a purty old man, and Judy----; but what's the use of talking arter a feller's under the harrow?

Wal, if I ain't contented, I sartinly ought to be, if the women folks are judges, and it's quite a considerable time since I've thought it worth while to have a tussel for any opinion of my own. But tu own right up, I du hanker awfully tu get off into the world agin; but, for gracious sake, don't say a word about it. I should never hear the last of it, if you did, for Judy hates city gals like rank pisin, and is allfired jealous that I'm hankering to git among 'em again.

I don't know how I ever cum to write this ere long letter, but somehow, when I set down, pen in hand, the old natur will bile up and run on.

Now about that are consarned preface, jest set down tu once and describe the way it's to be done, and I'll undertake it, for I want tu make the book first chop; and if you want more team, I'm the chap tu hitch it on, the minit you let a feller know what's wanted. So, hoping you'll be particular about the preface,

I'm yours tu command,

JONATHAN SLICK.

P. S.--Don't forget to have my watch chain and things a hanging outside of the vest, and put my two big rings with stones in 'em, on my left hand. I say nothing, but there may be gals in New York that would like tu see them are rings agin, but take them off from all the kivers you send into these parts now, I tell you. J. S.

CONTENTS.

LETTER I. PAGE

First Impressions of New York--Visit to the Counting-room of a City
Cousin--Advice to his Clerk--Description of a City Residence and its
Inmates 13

LETTER II.

The Family Dinner and Effects of July Cider 23

LETTER III.

Jonathan visits the Express Office--Sensations on seeing himself in
Print 27

LETTER IV.

The Political Meeting and its Disasters 33

LETTER V.

A Little of Jonathan's Private Love Affairs 39

LETTER VI.

Jonathan's Opinions of Ministerial Interference--A Card of
Invitation, and an Evening Party at Cousin Beebe's, in which
Jonathan makes some Mistakes and a Lady Acquaintance 44

LETTER VII.

Scenes in Broadway--Jonathan's Interview with the Count and
Flirtations with Miss Miles 69

LETTER VIII.

The Morning Call--A Coquette's Dressing Room 78

LETTER IX.

A New York Parvenu--Jonathan's Account of his Cousin Jason Slick,
and how Jason was too lazy to work, and got rich on soft sodder--The
dinner of a Connecticut Coaster--A New York Coat of Arms, lions
couchant and levant--Yankee Ancestry--The way a Yankee speculates,
and gets up States, Railroads and Banks, by soft sodder 87

LETTER X.

New-Year's Calls--A real Yankee's New-Year's Treat of Dough-nuts and
Cider--Jonathan's ideas of the real difference between a real lady's
House and Furniture and the House of a stuck-up Parvenu--Jonathan's
ideas of Love and Ladies 99

LETTER XI.

Visit to the Park Theatre--First Impressions of the Poetry of
Motion, as written on the air, in the aerial feats of Mademoiselle
Celeste--First shock at the exhibition of a Ballet Costume
accompanied by the "twinkles" of Celeste's feet--with her pigeon
wings, double-shuffles, gallopades, and pirouettes 117

LETTER XII.

Jonathan receives an Invitation to a Fancy Ball--Dilemma about the
Dress--Choice of a Character, &c. 129

LETTER XIII.

Jonathan Slick and the Grand Fancy Ball--Jonathan in the character
of an Injun, and Cousin Beebe in the character of Jonathan--Cousin
Mary as Jonathan's Squaw--Jonathan among Kings and Queens,
Spaniards, Turks and Jews--Jonathan meets his pussey Cousin in the
character of a Turk--Jonathan cuts his pussey Cousin 133

LETTER XIV.

Advice to Jonathan from the Humstead--Jonathan's Criticism on his
Brother Sam's book--The Ennui of Jonathan in good
Society--Jonathan's entree into a Milliner's Establishment, and sad
mistake about a Side-saddle 143

LETTER XV.

Jonathan visits the Milliner Girl--Reflections about her Situation 154

LETTER XVI.

In which Jonathan shows up the Hardships of Sewing Girls--Describes
a Tammany Hall Ball--Milliner Aristocracy and Exclusiveness--Informs
the reader how Miss Josephine Burgess took a tall man with whiskers
into her Establishment, who took her in in return--The desperation
of a little Apothecary--His Marriage, and the Ascent of Miss
Josephine Burgess from the front store to a work room a little
higher up 156

LETTER XVII.

Jonathan gets Ill and Homesick--Resists all entreaties to go to
Washington, and resolves on going back to "the Humstead" with
Captain Doolittle 173

LETTER XVIII.

Jonathan's Arrival in New York from the Onion Beds at
Weathersfield--Jonathan puts up at the Astor House--His notion of
that great Heap of Stones--Jonathan's Ideas of a New York Cab, and
the usual quarrel of a Stranger with Cabmen--A Sensation is created
at the Astor 180

LETTER XIX.

A live Yankee and the Parisian Danseuse--Fanny sends her Card and
Jonathan makes a call--Down East Yankee and French-English rather
hard to be understood--Jonathan quite killed off by Fanny's Curchies
and Dimples--A little sort of a Flirtation--An Invitation to see
Fanny in Nathalie, which is accepted 188

LETTER XX.

Jonathan goes to the Express Office--His Opinion of Zeke Jones and
the "Brother Jonathan" Newspaper--Explains his Absence, and enters
into a new Agreement with the Editors 197

LETTER XXI.

Jonathan Visits Mr. Hogg's Garden and gets a Bouquet--Puzzled about
the propriety of Paying for it--Purchases a Ribbon, and starts for
the Theatre 202

LETTER XXII.

Jonathan gives a Description of the Theatre, Private Boxes, Drop
Scene, &c.--His Ideas of _Miss_ Elssler's Dancing, and Dancing Girls
in general--Jonathan mistakes Williams in his Comic Song of "Old
Maids and Old Bachelors to Sell," for an Auctioneer who is knocking
off "La Belle Fanny," to the Highest Bidder--Jonathan is indignant
that she is not his, after so much hard bidding, by winks, &c.--He
flings his Bouquet at Fanny's Feet--Jonathan's Visit Behind the
Scenes, and his Idea of Things seen there--Gallants Fanny home to
the Astor House 206

LETTER XXIII.

Jonathan gets out of love with Fanny Elssler--Doctors the Ague in
her Face and Leaves her--Receives an Invitation from his Pussey
Cousin to a Thanksgiving Dinner, with a three cornered Note for Lord
Morpeth--Jonathan's Opinion of the Travelling Lords and Democratic
Hospitality 220

LETTER XXIV.

Description of Cousin Jason's Equipage--Figure cut by Mrs. Jason
Slick and her Daughter--Manners of a Noble Lord--The Dinner--Jason
boasts of his Birth, Heraldry, and Coat of Arms--Jonathan creates
great Consternation by proclaiming the Head of the Family as a
Shoemaker--Makes a Speech 224

LETTER XXV.

Jonathan rides to Mill--The Millerite Excitement--His Marm waits for
the World to come to an End--Letter from New York--The old White
Horse 244

LETTER XXVI.

Jonathan arrives in New York--Travels on the Deacon's Mare--Has
Trouble with the Colt--Embarks from Peck Slip, on Capt. Doolittle's
Sloop, to meet the President--His Introduction--Jonathan's Idea of
the Cold Collation--The Reception--Landing at Castle Garden--Review
of the Troops--The Procession, &c. 252

LETTER XXVII.

Jonathan attends the President at the Howard House--Visits the Park
Theatre with the President and his Handsome Girl--Goes with Mr.
Robert Tyler to have his Hair Cut at Clairhugh's--Takes Refreshments
with the Ladies at the Howard House--Bed-chamber Scene with the
President--Serenade, &c. 268

LETTER XXVIII.

Jonathan goes to see Mr. Macready--Description of the
Theatre--Introduces himself to a Handsome Girl at the
Theatre--Enters into a Flirtation--Promises to Visit her--Jonathan
takes a Novel Method of providing himself with a Fashionable
Dress--Quarrels with Captain Doolittle--Is reconciled, and starts
off to make a Morning Call on the Handsome Girl 272

LETTER XXIX.

Jonathan Visits the Handsome Girl--Describes a Gambling-House in the
Morning before it is put to rights--Visits the Lady's
Boudoir--Describes the Furniture, the Lady, her Dress, and
Conversation--Is Interrupted by the Gentleman of the House--And
leaves with a promise to return and escort Miss Sneers to Mad.
Castellan's Concert 275

LETTER XXX.

The Gambling House--Jonathan is taken in with Cards 285

_High Life in New York._

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