Chapter XII: Sidenote: Journal, 1862 (3)

I received yesterday the circular about the Mazzini Fund. Mr. Lewes and I would have liked to subscribe to a tribute to Mazzini, or to a fund for his use, of which the application was defined and guaranteed by his own word. As it is, the application of the desired fund is only intimated in the vaguest manner by the Florentine committee. The reflection is inevitable that the application may ultimately be the promotion of conspiracy, the precise character of which is necessarily unknown to subscribers. Now, though I believe there are cases in which conspiracy may be a sacred, necessary struggle against organized wrong, there are also cases in which it is hopeless, and can produce nothing but misery; or needless, because it is not the best means attainable of reaching the desired end; or unjustifiable, because it resorts to acts which are more unsocial in their character than the very wrong they are directed to extinguish; and in these three supposable cases it seems to me that it would be a social crime to further conspiracy even by the impulse of a little finger, to which one may well compare a small money subscription.

I think many persons to whom the circular might be sent would take something like this view, and would grieve, as we do, that a proposition intended to honor Mazzini should come in a form to which they cannot conscientiously subscribe.

I trouble you and Mr. Taylor with this explanation, because both Mr. Lewes and I have a real reverence for Mazzini, and could not therefore be content to give a silent negative.

[Sidenote: Letter to Mrs. Congreve, 1st Aug. 1865.]

I fear that my languor on Saturday prevented me from fairly showing you how sweet and precious your presence was to me then, as at all times. We have almost made up our minds to start some time in this month for a run in Normandy and Brittany. We both need the change, though when I receive, as I did yesterday, a letter from some friend, telling me of cares and trials from which I am quite free, I am ashamed of wanting anything.

[Sidenote: Journal, 1865.]

_Aug. 2._--Finished the "Agamemnon" second time.

[Sidenote: Letter to Mrs. Congreve, 6th Aug. 1865.]

When I wrote to you last I quite hoped that I should see you and Emily before we left home, but now it is settled that we start on Thursday morning, and I have so many little things to remember and to do that I dare not set apart any of the intervening time for the quiet enjoyment of a visit from you. It is not quite so cheerful a picture as I should like to carry with me, that of you and Emily so long alone, with Mr. Congreve working at Bradford. But your friends are sure to think of you, and want to see you. I hope you did not suffer so severely as we did from the arctic cold that rushed in after the oppressive heat. Mr. T. Trollope came from Italy just when it began. He says it is always the same when he comes to England, people always say it has just been very hot, and he believes that means they had a few days in which they were not obliged to blow on their fingers.

When you write to Mr. Congreve pray tell him that we were very grateful for his Itinerary, which is likely useful to us--indeed, has already been useful in determining our route.

[Sidenote: Journal, 1865.]

_Sept. 7._--We returned home after an expedition into Brittany. Our course was from Boulogne to St. Valéry, Dieppe, Rouen, Caen, Bayeux, St. Lô, Vire, Avranches, Dol, St. Malo, Rennes, Avray, and Carnac--back by Nantes, Tours, Le Mans, Chartres, Paris, Rouen, Dieppe, Abbeville, and so again to Boulogne.

[Sidenote: Letter to Miss Sara Hennell, 14th Sept. 1865.]

We came home again on Thursday night--this day week--after a month's absence in Normandy and Brittany. I have been thinking of you very often since, but believed that you did not care to have the interruption of letters just now, and would rather defer correspondence till your mind was freer. If I had _suspected_ that you would feel any want satisfied by a letter I should certainly have written. I had not heard of Miss Bonham Carter's death, else I should have conceived something of your state of mind. I think you and I are alike in this, that we can get no good out of pretended comforts, which are the devices of self-love, but would rather, in spite of pain, grow into the endurance of all "naked truths." So I say no word about your great loss, except that I love you, and sorrow with you.

The circumstances of life--the changes that take place in ourselves--hem in the expression of affections and memories that live within us, and enter almost into every day, and long separations often make intercourse difficult when the opportunity comes. But the delight I had in you, and in the hours we spent together, and in all your acts of friendship to me, is really part of my life, and can never die out of me. I see distinctly how much poorer I should have been if I had never known you. If you had seen more of me in late years, you would not have such almost cruel thoughts as that the book into which you have faithfully put your experience and best convictions could make you "repugnant" to me. Whatever else my growth may have been, it has not been towards irreverence and ready rejection of what other minds can give me. You once unhappily mistook my feeling and point of view in something I wrote _à propos_ of an argument in your "Aids to Faith," and _that_ made me think it better that we should not write on large and difficult subjects in hasty letters. But it has often been painful to me--I should say, it has constantly been painful to me--that you have ever since inferred me to be in a hard and unsympathetic state about your views and your writing. But I am habitually disposed myself to the same unbelief in the sympathy that is given me, and am the last person who should be allowed to complain of such unbelief in another. And it is very likely that I may have been faulty and disagreeable in my expressions.

Excuse all my many mistakes, dear Sara, and never believe otherwise than that I have a glow of joy when you write to me, as if my existence were some good to you. I know that I am, and can be, very little practically; but to have the least value for your thought is what I care much to be assured of.

Perhaps, in the cooler part of the autumn, when your book is out of your hands, you will like to move from home a little and see your London friends?

Our travelling in Brittany was a good deal marred and obstructed by the emperor's _fête_, which sent all the world on our track towards Cherbourg and Brest. But the Norman churches, the great cathedrals at Le Mans, Tours, and Chartres, with their marvellous painted glass, were worth much scrambling to see.

[Sidenote: Letter to Miss Sara Hennell, 28th Oct. 1865.]

I have read Mr. Masson's book on "Recent Philosophy." The earlier part is a useful and creditable survey, and the classification ingenious. The later part I thought poor. If, by what he says of Positivism, you mean what he says at p. 246, I should answer it is simply "stuff"--he might as well have written a dozen lines of jargon. There are a few observations about Comte, scattered here and there, which are true and just enough. But it seems to me much better to read a man's own writing than to read what others say about him, especially when the man is first-rate and the "others" are third-rate. As Goethe said long ago about Spinoza, "Ich zog immer vor von dem Menschen zu erfahren _wie er dachte_ als von einem anderen zu hören _wie er hätte denken sollen_."[41] However, I am not fond of expressing criticism or disapprobation. The difficulty is to digest and live upon any valuable truth one's self.

[Sidenote: Journal, 1865.]

_Nov. 15._--During the last three weeks George has been very poorly, but now he is better. I have been reading Fawcett's "Economic Condition of the Working Classes," Mill's "Liberty," looking into Strauss's second "Life of Jesus," and reading Neale's "History of the Puritans," of which I have reached the fourth volume. Yesterday the news came of Mrs. Gaskell's death. She died suddenly, while reading aloud to her daughter.

_Nov. 16._--Writing Mr. Lyon's story, which I have determined to insert as a narrative. Reading the Bible.

_Nov. 24._--Finished Neale's "History of the Puritans." Began Hallam's "Middle Ages."

_Dec. 4._--Finished second volume of Hallam. The other day read to the end of chapter nine of my novel to George, who was much pleased and found no fault.

[Sidenote: Letter to Mrs. Congreve, 4th Dec. 1865.]

We send to-day "Orley Farm," "The Small House at Allington," and the "Story of Elizabeth." The "Small House" is rather lighter than "Orley Farm." "The Story of Elizabeth" is by Miss Thackeray. It is not so cheerful as Trollope, but is charmingly written. You can taste it and reject it if it is too melancholy. I think more of you than you are likely to imagine, and I believe we talk of you all more than of any other mortals.

[Sidenote: Letter to Miss Sara Hennell, 7th Dec. 1865.]

It is worth your while to send for the last _Fortnightly_ to read an article of Professor Tyndall's "On the Constitution of the Universe." It is a splendid piece of writing on the higher physics, which I know will interest you. _À propos_ of the feminine intellect, I had a bit of experience with a superior woman the other day, which reminded me of Sydney Smith's story about his sermon on the Being of a God. He says, that after he had delivered his painstaking argument, an old parishioner said to him, "I don't agree wi' you, Mr. Smith; _I think there be a God_."

[Sidenote: Journal, 1865.]

_Dec. 11._--For the last three days I have been foundering from a miserable state of head. I have written chapter ten. This evening read again Macaulay's Introduction.

_Dec. 15._--To-day is the first for nearly a week on which I have been able to write anything fresh. I am reading Macaulay and Blackstone. This evening we went to hear "The Messiah" at Exeter Hall.

[Sidenote: Letter to Miss Sara Hennell, 21st Dec. 1865.]

"A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" is a sort of hieroglyph for I love you and wish you well all the year round. Christmas to me is like a great many other pleasures, which I am glad to imagine as enjoyed by others, but have no delight in myself. Berried holly and smiling faces and snap-dragon, grandmamma and the children, turkey and plum-pudding--they are all precious things, and I would not have the world without them; but they tire me a little. I enjoy the common days of the year more. But for the sake of those who are stronger I rejoice in Christmas.

[Sidenote: Journal, 1865.]

_Dec. 24._--For two days I have been sticking in the mud from doubt about my construction. I have just consulted G., and he confirms my choice of incidents.

_Dec. 31._--The last day of 1865. I will say nothing but that I trust--I will strive--to add more ardent effort towards a good result from all the outward good that is given to me. My health is at a lower ebb than usual, and so is George's. Bertie is spending his holidays with us, and shows hopeful characteristics. Charles is happy.

_SUMMARY._

JANUARY, 1862, TO DECEMBER, 1865.

Begins "Romola" again--Letter to Miss Hennell--Max Müller's
book--"Orley Farm"--Anthony Trollope--T. A. Trollope's
"Beata"--Acquaintance with Mr. Burton and Mr. W. G.
Clark--George Smith, publisher, suggests a "magnificent
offer"--Depression about "Romola"--Letter to Mrs. Bray asking
for loan of music--Pantomime--First visit to Dorking--Letter
to Madame Bodichon--Impatience of concealment--Anxiety about
war with America--Sympathy with queen--Mr. Lewes begins
"History of Science"--Mrs. Browning's "Casa Guidi
Windows"--Depression--George Smith offers £10,000 for
"Romola" for the _Cornhill_--Idea given up--Visit to
Englefield Green--Working under a weight--Second visit to
Dorking for three weeks--Delight in spring--Accepts £7000 for
"Romola" in _Cornhill_--Regret at leaving Blackwood--Palsy
in writing--Visit to Littlehampton and to Dorking third
time--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Mr. Lewes at Spa--George Eliot
in better spirits--Letter to Miss Hennell--Joachim's
playing--New Literary Club--Reading Poliziano--Suggestion of
Tennyson's "Palace of Art"--Visit from
Browning--Depression--Letter to Madame Bodichon--No negative
propaganda--Letter to Mrs. Peter Taylor--"The Messiah" on
Christmas day--Letter to Miss Hennell--St. Paul's
"Charity"--The Poetry of Christianity--The Bible--Adieu to
year 1862--Letter to Miss Hennell--Encouragement about
"Romola"--Literary Club dissolves--Miss Cobbe--Letter to Mrs.
Congreve--Depression--Fourth visit to Dorking for
fortnight--Letter to Charles Lewes on Thackeray's
Lectures--The effect of writing "Romola"--Letter to Madame
Bodichon--Odiousness of intellectual superciliousness--Letter
to Mrs. Bray--Thinking of the Priory--"Romola"
finished--Inscription--Visit to Isle of
Wight--Ristori--Letter to Miss Hennell--Thornton
Lewes--London amusements--Opera--Reading Mommsen, Liddell's
"Rome," and "Roba di Roma"--Letter from Frederick Maurice
referred to as most generous tribute ever given--Letter to
Mrs. Peter Taylor--Renan's "Vie de Jésus"--Visit to
Worthing--Mrs. Hare--Return to London--Depression--Letter to
R. H. Hutton on "Romola"--The importance of the medium in
which characters move--Letter to Madame Bodichon--Effect of
London on health--Letter to Mrs. Bray--Delight in
autumn--Mommsen's History--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--The
"Discours Préliminaire"--Removal to the Priory--Mr. Owen
Jones decorates the house--Jansa the violinist--Letter to
Mrs. Bray--"Physiology for Schools"--Letter to Madame
Bodichon--Enjoying rest, and music with Jansa--Letter to Miss
Hennell--Renan--Letter to Mrs. Bray--Enjoyment of
Priory--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Mr. Lewes's "Aristotle"
finished--Letter to Mrs. Peter Taylor--Compensation--Letter
to Mrs. P. A. Taylor--Effect of sunshine--Death of Mrs.
Hare--"David Gray"--Letter to Miss Hennell--Dislike of
note-writing--Visit to Glasgow--Letter to Mrs. Peter
Taylor--Joy in Federal successes--Crystal Palace to see
Garibaldi--Mr. Burton's picture of a Legendary Knight in
Armor--Third visit to Italy with Mr. Burton for seven
weeks--Return to London--Charles Lewes's engagement to Miss
Gertrude Hill--Pleasure in Mr. Burton's companionship in
travel--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Present of
mats--Depression--Reading Gibbon--Gieseler--Letter to Miss
Hennell--Reading Max Müller--Reference to the
"Apologia"--Newman--Reading about Spain--Trying a
drama--Letter to Miss Hennell--Harrogate--Development of
Industries--Scarborough--Letters to Mrs. Congreve--Pleasure
in her visit--Letter to Miss Hennell--Learning Spanish--Two
acts of drama written--Sticking in construction of
remainder--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Christmas
greeting--Retrospect of year 1864--Letter to Mrs. Congreve,
first payment to Positivist Fund--Comparison with "small
upper room" 1866 years ago--Mrs. Congreve staying at the
Priory--Poem "My Vegetarian Friend" written--Visit to
Paris--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Visit to Comte's apartment in
Paris--Finished poem on "Utopias"--Letter to Miss Sara
Hennell--Delight in dual solitude--_Fortnightly
Review_--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Charades--Depression--Mr.
Lewes takes away drama--Article for the _Pall Mall_, "A Word
for the Germans"--Letter to Mrs. Congreve--Visit to
Wandsworth--Depression--Letter to Mrs. Congreve after
visit--Letter to Mrs. Bray on a young friend's death--Deep
depression--Admiration of Mr. Lewes's good spirits--"Felix
Holt" begun--Article on Lecky's "History of Rationalism" in
_Fortnightly_--Reading Æschylus, "Theatre of the
Greeks"--Klein's "History of the Drama"--Letter to Mrs.
Congreve--First number of the _Fortnightly_--Frederic
Harrison's article--Reading Mill, Comte, and
Blackstone--Aristotle's "Poetics"--Dine with Congreves at
Wandsworth--"Faust" at Covent Garden--Sunday
reception--Browning, Huxley, and Bagehot--Letter to Mrs.
Peter Taylor on J. S. Mill--The _Fortnightly Review_--Mr.
Burton's portrait finished--Mazzini subscription--Letter of
adieu to Mrs. Congreve--Expedition to Brittany for
month--Letter to Miss Hennell--"Pretended
comforts"--Recollection of early feelings--Delight in her
friendship--Masson's "Recent Philosophy"--Comte--Goethe on
Spinoza--Reading Fawcett's "Economic Condition of Working
Classes"--Mill's "Liberty"--Strauss's second "Life of
Jesus"--Neale's "History of the Puritans"--Hallam's "Middle
Ages"--Letter to Miss Hennell on Tyndall's article on "The
Constitution of the Universe"--View of Christmas
day--Retrospect of 1865.

FOOTNOTES:

[33] Now Sir Frederic Burton, Director of the National Gallery, to whom we are indebted for the drawing of George Eliot now in the National Portrait Gallery, South Kensington, and who was a very intimate and valued friend of Mr. and Mrs. Lewes.

[34] Mr. W. G. Clark, late Public Orator at Cambridge, well known as a scholar, and for his edition of Shakspeare in conjunction with Mr. Aldis Wright.

[35] Some general remark of Carlyle's--Madame Bodichon cannot remember exactly what it was.

[36] I regret that I have not been able to find this letter.

[37] Auguste Comte's.

[38] "Physiology for Schools." By Mrs. Bray.

[39] Mrs. Julius Hare, who gave her Maurice's book on the Lord's Prayer.

[40] A story by Mr. Robert Buchanan in the _Cornhill_, Feb. 1864.

[41] "I always preferred to learn from the man himself what _he_ thought, rather than to hear from some one else what _he ought to have thought_."