Chapter XIV: Practical Suggestions for the After-Dinner Speaker

The practice of speaking at the banquet table is an ancient custom. In modern life it is the most universally used form of public speaking. Every educated man and woman sooner or later will be expected to take part in post-prandial occasions. This need not be an irksome task for any provided they consider carefully a few vital essentials, keeping in mind that the after-dinner speech is primarily to please. If it ever be to instruct, it is that kind of instruction which comes by the stimulation of our higher sensibilities.

Essentials:

1. Have something worth while to say.

2. This something must be appropriate to the occasion and to the guests.

3. Know who are to be present and who are to speak.

4. Know how much time is allotted you.

5. Strive your utmost to enjoy yourself and let what you say appear as a spontaneous outgrowth of your environment.

6. Avoid using old jokes and hackneyed quotations.

7. Avoid stiff formality. Radiate kindliness and good fellowship toward all.

8. Do not apologize. Let your appreciations and the fact that “some one else could have responded better,” that “you are unprepared,” etc., be taken for granted. Don’t waste time on these follies. Get down to business.

9. Have your speech carefully prepared and stick to it.

10. Remember that this is a time that reveals your true self, so let the best in you shine forth.

Let us discuss more fully some of the more important essentials. One should never begin his speech with an apology. How boresome it is to hear a speaker express surprise at being called upon; regretting he is totally unprepared; telling us that some one else could have spoken on this subject far better than he, etc., etc., etc. This is never in place and it is never necessary. On one occasion many prominent men and women were banqueting together in Chicago. Dr. George Vincent, then a member of the faculty of the University of Chicago, an orator himself of no mean ability, was toastmaster. A program of unusual length had been prepared. Under any ordinary chairman it would have kept the guests there until morning. Dr. Vincent arose, and in a clear, brief and terse introduction called attention to the long program. Then he said, addressing the speakers who sat at his table: “Each of you can give us the heart of your message in three, certainly not more than four minutes. I shall expect you, therefore, to go right to the heart of your subject. We will take it for granted that you are not prepared, that some one else could do better than you, and all the rest of the apologetic introductions. The moment your time is up I shall bring down the gavel as a forceful reminder that you must stop.”

The result was wonderful. Every speaker did as the chairman required. The audience heard a dozen or more bright, snappy addresses, full of thought and wit, with scarcely a redundant word. What otherwise would have been a long, tedious and wholly wearisome occasion was converted into a function of grace, a noble inspiration and a never-to-be-forgotten spiritual uplift.

Let the after-dinner speaker note that his speech should seem to grow naturally out of the environment and fit the occasion and the guests—that is, it should be _appropriate_. The manner of presenting it should be _genial_ and kindly. This is no time or place to give vent to any personal animosity or didacticism. There is no disposition, Nature says, for a man with a well-filled stomach to digest heavy intellectual food. He would much rather be amused and entertained—that is, the occasion is a _convivial_ one. Do not mistake this to mean triviality. Above all things, whatever you say or whatever you do, do not be frivolous. And finally that indispensable quality _originality_ should distinguish both the matter and the manner of each speaker. This may mean nothing more than a new way of presenting an old subject.

The very fact that an after-dinner speech should be short, sparkling and fit the one who delivers it, makes it a difficult form of public address, and consequently necessitates very careful preparation. It is more than “to tell a joke, make a platitude and give a quotation.” While the after-dinner speech is supposed, primarily, to please, and _certainly should do so_, it is often made the means of conveying the most forceful lessons in business, religion, and patriotism. But when, in conveying these lessons, the speaker becomes prosy, or _fails to please_, he is out of place and should never have been invited.